Weather

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:01:02 Hello and welcome to The Luxury Podcast. My name's Jonathan Vernon-Smith, and with me is William Hanson. This is the podcast that helps you live a more luxury life.

William Hanson 0:01:22 Hello, Jonathan and I are here to help you create the everyday moments of luxury that make life worth living. Whatever your budget.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:01:27 In each episode of The Luxury Podcast, William and I tackle an area of life that we think you should upgrade, sorting the ons, lows from the hyacinths, advising the nation in gracious living. So William, what are we going to talk about today?

William Hanson 0:01:42 A very British topic. We are going to talk about the weather.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:01:47 And we love talking about the weather in Britain.

William Hanson 0:01:50 We do. We are your weather girls.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:01:52 We certainly are. But is it raining men?

William Hanson 0:01:55 No. Fingers crossed. But the humidity was definitely rising the last couple of weeks. I mean, you were away sunning yourself in the Frick, which we'll get on to.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:09 I chose a very good time to leave the UK, although of course I had just had my luxury air conditioning fitted for a better class of premises.

William Hanson 0:02:16 Yes, well, we'll come on to that. But do you like hot weather in this country?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:20 Yes, I do. I like I like it hot. Weather. I like, I like it hot, but most importantly, I like it dry. I— Oh, what? I can't stand wet, grey weather.

William Hanson 0:02:38 No. Okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:39 So, for me, as long as it's hot and dry, I'm quite happy.

William Hanson 0:02:43 Okay, nice.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:45 But what's a bit strange about me is, as somebody who does— I do love it when it is hot. But, um, I often find myself being a bit British and coming inside to cool down.

William Hanson 0:02:56 But do you find that you do cool down inside? Because does your house— your house stays quite cool, doesn't it?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:01 Downstairs is lovely and cool normally.

William Hanson 0:03:04 Okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:04 Upstairs is like a furnace.

William Hanson 0:03:06 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:07 But downstairs is normally pretty good. So, um, yeah, with a fan on, it's fine.

William Hanson 0:03:12 Okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:12 Absolute chickadee-boo. But yeah, I did choose a good time to go away because I gather it was pretty sticky and unpleasant.

William Hanson 0:03:17 It was pretty sticky and unpleasant because this country is not built for heat.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:20 No.

William Hanson 0:03:21 And when it gets above 25, to be honest, I'm pretty miserable.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:24 You melt.

William Hanson 0:03:25 I am. My favourite times of year are spring and autumn because it's sort of sunny but not hot hot.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:33 Okay. Well, I like it hot hot,

William Hanson 0:03:35 but

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:35 I do like the moments of being able to cool down. And I think that's the main difference because I've just got back from Spain.

William Hanson 0:03:42 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:42 Have I told you? I've just been to Frigiliana. And What I noticed is that, of course, in Spain, hot country, the difference is the moments of you being hot are few and far between because, uh, generally you'll be staying in air-conditioned accommodation— hotel, villa, apartment.

William Hanson 0:04:04 Well, because these countries are used to it. They're used to it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:06 So they have aircon, and then of course, uh, you'll probably have a swimming pool.

William Hanson 0:04:11 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:11 Or you'll be close to the sea, so you've got the sea breeze. Um, they design all of their kind of streets to have lots of shade generally, so there's always a shady part of the street you can walk on.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:23 And then, so the moments of actually being hot and uncomfortable are few and far between. Here, it's so unpleasant. When we landed at Gatwick and they bring the old, uh, what do they call it? It's the air tunnel. Air bridge.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:37 Air bridge, that's right. They put the air bridge onto the plane, And off we all file. Get off this plane, nice air-conditioned plane, and this heat hits you getting off the airbridge. And then walk down this corridor, down the travelators, no air conditioning at all. Went on for miles and miles.

William Hanson 0:04:56 So you don't get that at Heathrow?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:57 No, you certainly do not.

William Hanson 0:04:59 No,

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:00 no.

William Hanson 0:05:00 Heathrow's got air conditioning.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:02 Well, I booked to fly from Heathrow, William. They changed the flight.

William Hanson 0:05:06 That's really bad, changing airports.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:08 Well, they cancelled the flight to Malaga from Heathrow on a Wednesday.

William Hanson 0:05:12 I'm flying on a Friday.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:15 Oh, you'll be okay.

William Hanson 0:05:16 From Heathrow to Malaga.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:17 Yeah, you'll be okay on a Friday.

William Hanson 0:05:18 If they— to be honest, if they change it to Gatwick, I'm not coming.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:21 Really? What, you'd stand me up?

William Hanson 0:05:23 I can't stand Gatwick. Sorry to those that work at Gatwick listening to this.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:27 Well, it's not that bad. It's that the main problem is trying to get there. I mean, round the M25, 2 hours it took me to get there on Wednesday. But anyway, back to the heat. It's just that kind of— you think, how can an airport not be air-conditioned? This is ridiculous. I mean, when you then got into the passport control bit, then the air conditioning hit you. It was lovely. But, um, up until that point, it had been boiling hot, sticky, humid, horrible.

William Hanson 0:05:49 I was told recently that Britain— why Britain is so bad in the heat generally, or the country, not the people, is because we are an island, so there's nowhere for the heat to— it sort of just sits over the island or something rather than sort of dispelling or something.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:04 Oh,

William Hanson 0:06:05 yeah,

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:06 right.

William Hanson 0:06:06 Or the sea sort of like traps it in because we're, you know, we are an island.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:10 I think the main problem is that those of us that live in London or the surrounding home luxury counties, we're a bit landlocked, aren't we?

William Hanson 0:06:17 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:18 You don't have the sea breeze.

William Hanson 0:06:20 No, and I don't think the Thames does much, does it?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:22 It certainly does not. No, but we're not very— we're not equipped for the hot weather in the UK.

William Hanson 0:06:30 I do— I did get— I did find myself getting quite irritated with various people who will remain nameless last week when we had the heatwave in London, where they just kept telling me how hot they were. I was like, yeah, it's hot. We're all hot. This is just— please don't talk about

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:46 it. Right.

William Hanson 0:06:47 Because if we talk about it, we're going to be more aware of it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:50 Makes you more hot.

William Hanson 0:06:51 Yeah, just like, yeah, we're hot. I'm hot too, but I'm not going to get hotter by talking about it. I'm just going to try and push on.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:57 When can we get on to air conditioning? Because I feel as if the air conditioning is going to solve your problem.

William Hanson 0:07:03 Yeah, well, yes, it will within my own home. Yes, because I live in a Victorian terraced house. They're designed to keep the heat in. It was absolutely flipping hot. In fact, we— I said this to you just as we were walking to the studio today— we were— my sister-in-law came to watch the show I'm in, and, uh,

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:18 Titanic.

William Hanson 0:07:19 Titanic, thank you for mentioning it. And I— they were going to be in the guest bedroom upstairs at the top. It would have been inhumane. I thought, I can't, I cannot put them in there. It was unbearably hot. So we all checked into a hotel.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:33 Of course you did.

William Hanson 0:07:34 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:34 It's the kind of thing normal people do.

William Hanson 0:07:36 In fact, actually, the previous 2 nights before, Mikey and I had checked into a different hotel just to have a break, because we were— even though we have a portable air conditioning unit in the bedroom, it really wasn't doing an awful lot.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:46 No.

William Hanson 0:07:46 It was competing

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:48 Right.

William Hanson 0:07:48 Whereas I— and reassure me here before I have my air conditioning put in.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:53 Yes.

William Hanson 0:07:53 A proper air conditioning unit with a fan outside, etc., will do an awful lot more than a little portable thing?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:59 Massively so, yeah.

William Hanson 0:08:00 Okay, good, fine.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:01 Yeah, your days of being uncomfortable in your home will be over.

William Hanson 0:08:04 Well, I hope so. I mean, they've pushed it back a week currently, and I'm hoping they don't push it back a further week, mainly because I'm on holiday that week.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:10 Oh,

William Hanson 0:08:11 so they better not.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:12 No.

William Hanson 0:08:13 But I'm also desperate for it, because at the time of recording, I think another heat wave is about to hit us.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:19 Yes, it is going to hit us.

William Hanson 0:08:20 And I will be doing that with air conditioning.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:21 No, I can honestly say that when you're air-conditioned by a team of professionals—

William Hanson 0:08:27 Chilly Room Charlie and Cool It Down Kev.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:28 Chilly Room Charlie and Cool It Down Kev, uh, you'll never look back. You'll never need to check yourself and your guests into a hotel again.

William Hanson 0:08:35 No, think of the money that we'll save. I mean, it didn't need to be the Ritz, but you know, we didn't know it wasn't Yeah, I'm very excited for it. So, the quote, sort of the initial quote came through this morning.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:50 Yeah. Did you—

William Hanson 0:08:51 In unrelated news, we're going to 5 episodes a week.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:54 Yeah, but that is because you are— I mean, unlike me, so I've just had the bedroom done, you know, the essential room. You're having, of course, the whole house air-conditioned, aren't you? Because Why would you just have your bedroom done when you could be air-conditioned from front door to back?

William Hanson 0:09:16 Exactly, yes. I felt that I should do not just one better than you, 5 better than you.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:22 Oh, wow. Although, can I just tell everybody about the—

William Hanson 0:09:26 Well, it's due to a supply issue, Jonathan. It's got nothing to do with—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:30 So, I have had the luxury manufacturing brand of air conditioning installed in my property.

William Hanson 0:09:39 Japanese.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:41 Of course, Japanese. Most of them are Japanese. And I said to you, you know, I presume you're going to have that, but you're not, are you? You're having what would be considered an upper-medium-tier system installed in your house.

William Hanson 0:09:54 Still Japanese. But your one is not available. It's a long lead time.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:58 Well, it will be because it's the best.

William Hanson 0:10:00 And because we need so many

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:02 of them.

William Hanson 0:10:06 We could have it, we just have to be waiting months. And I was like, no, I want it now. So, I'm going to take a slight compromise. But they did sort of say it's slightly much for much.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:15 Yeah, yeah. And who cares about the Post Office scandal?

William Hanson 0:10:23 What? Is there a Post— with what?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:26 Fujitsu.

William Hanson 0:10:27 Was that—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:28 Yeah. Horizon.

William Hanson 0:10:34 Well, apologies to Mr. Bates and all of the others.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:39 Yeah,

William Hanson 0:10:42 so they are— that will— that we will have that. But hey, when we're cool, I won't care.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:47 No, and it's still a very good system, so you'll find yourself nicely cool.

William Hanson 0:10:52 Literally cannot wait. We are not having every room done. There are several that we are not having done, but we will You know, we'll be cool on all floors.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:02 You certainly will, yeah. And you'll wonder why you waited this long.

William Hanson 0:11:05 Yes. Well, I mean, I've only just moved into the house really. I've only been here a year.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:09 That's true. That's true.

William Hanson 0:11:10 And we haven't had our first proper summer in it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:12 No, you will thoroughly enjoy it, I can promise you.

William Hanson 0:11:15 Okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:16 It will be worth every penny.

William Hanson 0:11:18 I thought I might do an air conditioning warming party.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:23 What a good idea!

William Hanson 0:11:26 And I could— what I could do is, particularly if it's in a hot— on a hot day, have it all turned off.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:31 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:11:31 So all the guests arrive, oh, sweating.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:35 Boop! Press the button.

William Hanson 0:11:37 And then everyone cools off.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:39 Lovely.

William Hanson 0:11:39 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:39 Nice.

William Hanson 0:11:40 Yeah, that's what I might do.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:41 Or you could wait until winter and then use it as a heater.

William Hanson 0:11:46 Yes, I could do that too.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:47 Because they all heat.

William Hanson 0:11:48 Yeah, a heating warming party.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:50 Yeah. An air conditioning heating warming party.

William Hanson 0:11:52 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:53 There you go. That's what you can do.

William Hanson 0:11:56 Well, just— or both. I won't have any money left to do anything.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:00 Exactly. You're going to be so poor.

William Hanson 0:12:02 Yeah. But it'll be lovely.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:05 Well, thank goodness you're in Titanic. The Titanic is basically going to pay for your air conditioning system, isn't it?

William Hanson 0:12:12 No.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:12 Is it not?

William Hanson 0:12:16 No, I have to be extended until January.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:19 Oh dear.

William Hanson 0:12:21 Doing it for the arts.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:22 Oh, God. Of course you are. Oh well.

William Hanson 0:12:25 Big supporter of the Alps.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:26 So when are you going to be installed then? Fairly soon?

William Hanson 0:12:29 Literally my last week of Titanic, as it hopefully will be, right, is when they're coming.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:34 Oh, lovely.

William Hanson 0:12:35 It's going to— in fact, actually, on the Monday they're coming, I have got— can you remember? I forget her name. She sometimes does stuff on this podcast. Someone called Izzy. Yes. Yeah, yeah. See our Patreon episode we did on Gen Z. She is coming to stay on the Monday night.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:50 At your house?

William Hanson 0:12:52 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:52 You're having her in your house?

William Hanson 0:12:54 I know, we'll be wiping down everything.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:56 I was going to say, check for a fungus once you're off.

William Hanson 0:13:01 Hopefully she doesn't bring her flip-flops. But of course, originally I said, oh yes, that would be a good week to come because regardless of the heat, you'll be in beautiful air-conditioned bedrooms, because they were going to come the week before. That's day one.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:14 Now she's going to be a hot, sweaty mess.

William Hanson 0:13:15 So I have told— I've had to say to Chilly Room Charlie and Cool It Down Kev, We actually have a houseguest that Monday night, so can you not do anything in the top bedroom until the Tuesday?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:23 Oh.

William Hanson 0:13:24 So.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:25 Right.

William Hanson 0:13:25 'Cause I didn't think Izzy would want 2 men in the bedroom.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:27 Just gonna say. I mean, when Izzy sees Chilly Room Charlie and Cool It Down Kev, she might want them to work overnight.

William Hanson 0:13:35 Oh, I could get a discount!

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:47 'Cause that's not inappropriate at all, is it?

William Hanson 0:13:54 Well, she's staying. Yeah. She won't need to bring me a bottle of wine now.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:58 She'll take one for the team.

William Hanson 0:14:00 Or

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:05 two. Oh dear.

William Hanson 0:14:08 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:09 Yeah. Oh well, I can't wait.

William Hanson 0:14:11 It's gonna be lovely. You must come and stay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:13 What, just so I can feel the air conditioning in your house?

William Hanson 0:14:17 Yes. I'll be able to say to you, are you cool in this room? Love it. Because you can also be cool in this room. And this room. And this room.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:27 Well, I did have to, because I've just got back from, uh, Frigiliana/Nach.

William Hanson 0:14:32 Yes, we'll hear all about it tomorrow.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:34 Yeah, I'll tell you everything about it. But I did have to give the owner of the apartment I was staying in a bit of feedback.

William Hanson 0:14:40 Oh?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:41 I said, Johannes, You need regassing.

William Hanson 0:14:45 Oh, why?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:47 You need regassing.

William Hanson 0:14:48 Is that what you have that's in the air conditioning system? And how often will I need to be regassed?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:53 Well, you'll have it serviced annually.

William Hanson 0:14:55 Okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:56 And, uh, yes, that's another expense.

William Hanson 0:14:59 Great.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:59 So, you have it serviced annually. I mean, you might as well get it around at the same time as the burglar alarm system.

William Hanson 0:15:04 Yes!

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:05 Uh, annually. And then I think if there's any regassing necessary, they top it up.

William Hanson 0:15:10 As included in the price or additional?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:12 What, as the installation price?

William Hanson 0:15:14 No, no, no, included in the service.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:17 I don't know, William. I haven't had it done yet.

William Hanson 0:15:21 Do you need to be regassed yet for just one room, or will that, you know, like maybe every 5 years?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:25 I have no idea. I've only just had it installed. But I said to Johannes, you need regassing, because I was having to put the inferior system in the apartment on 18 degrees to keep it comfortably cool. There's something not right.

William Hanson 0:15:41 What's your temperature at home?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:42 Uh, 21.

William Hanson 0:15:44 Okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:45 Actually, which is a bit devilish.

William Hanson 0:15:47 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:48 It is devilish.

William Hanson 0:15:49 I'd go for 19.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:51 You won't. You'll get frostbite.

William Hanson 0:15:54 Look, last, last week I would have loved to have been having frostbite.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:59 William, if you put it on 19, you'll die of hypothermia.

William Hanson 0:16:04 I was gonna— I'd rather die of hypothermia than heatstroke.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:16:09 Honestly, you won't need it at that.

William Hanson 0:16:11 Okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:16:12 No. In Argentina, because they've got not very good electrical infrastructure, they're not allowed to put their aircon on less than 24 degrees. 24. I mean, why bother? Why bother? Yeah, you can't put it on any less than 24.

William Hanson 0:16:29 Wow.

William Hanson 0:16:29 For legal reasons, I'm changing various attributes to the following story, but the only air conditioning sort of experience I've had previously, other than the portable unit in our bedroom at the moment, is when on another project that I work on— you can decide what that project is called— we did a trip to a country in Europe. Okay? No one will see past this. And one of my colleagues discovered that there was no air conditioning in this villa. in August, and so refused to stay there unless air conditioning was put in.

William Hanson 0:17:05 So, another colleague bought 3 air conditioning units to put in bedrooms, but the house, as we know, needs to be wired for air conditioning and to run air conditioning units. And so, we put them in, and it kept tripping the electrics. So, we probably would— every hour, we would have to go and reset the electrics just to keep The bedroom's cool.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:17:27 It's a miracle you didn't blow the house up.

William Hanson 0:17:29 Yes, it is. Yes, but we all survived.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:17:31 Right. Well, you don't want that. You do not stay in Spain in August with no air conditioning.

William Hanson 0:17:38 No. Let's talk about other types of weather.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:17:40 Oh, yes.

William Hanson 0:17:40 Where'd you stand on snow?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:17:41 Uh, not a lover of snow, got to be honest. I always think snow is absolutely lovely if it arrives on a Sunday morning and has melted by Sunday evening. That gives you enough time for a walk and some photography. And yet it's all gone in time for work on the Monday morning without any carnage or the schools closing.

William Hanson 0:18:03 We don't really get it very often, do we?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:18:07 Proper snow. No, not very often.

William Hanson 0:18:09 Ice, maybe. I remember driving down Bridge Valley Road in Clifton in ice. That was very scary because it's a big steep road. Oh,

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:18:17 but in your luxury car, have you not got snow mode?

William Hanson 0:18:20 Yeah, we do.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:18:21 I've got snow mode.

William Hanson 0:18:22 But I have never had to turn it on.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:18:23 Oh, have you not? No. Oh, I've had to use my snow mode.

William Hanson 0:18:26 But we don't really drive very often. Oh. In fact, we're getting rid of the car at some point because we have to hand it back.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:18:32 Have you decided what you're doing yet?

William Hanson 0:18:34 No, not yet.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:18:35 Oh, okay.

William Hanson 0:18:35 It's ongoing.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:18:36 We'll revisit that on a future bonus, shall we? We'll sort your new car out.

William Hanson 0:18:40 But it's done so few miles. It's done like 9,000 miles in 4 years.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:18:44 Gosh.

William Hanson 0:18:44 So, which I think is very low.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:18:46 It's very low.

William Hanson 0:18:47 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:18:47 Yeah. Well, I'm not a huge lover of snow. Do you love it?

William Hanson 0:18:52 Again, to look at, as long as you are not doing anything that it's going to ruin.

William Hanson 0:18:56 I can remember when I was once in— I was down in Bristol, I was at university. I was down in Bristol for some family soiree, and I was driving back up to Manchester after lunch, and my mother was already like— we arrived at this lunch in this restaurant at 12, and she was already tetchy that I was going to be late or miss the traffic or get stuck in traffic. I'm like, okay, we're doing a 3-course lunch here, it was just calm. But because there was snow forecast in Manchester, and being southern, um, she sent me back up north with, in my boot, my ski gear.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:27 In case you needed it.

William Hanson 0:19:29 In case I needed it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:30 Well, that's quite sensible, actually.

William Hanson 0:19:31 Yeah, and it didn't settle at all.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:34 Many years ago, we had a Mercedes, um, and Mercedes, uh, have rear-wheel drive. Did you know that?

William Hanson 0:19:41 Oh, really?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:41 Yes, and they're terrible in the snow.

William Hanson 0:19:43 And what does that mean?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:45 Well, it means that the back wheels drive the car rather than— so, in your car, for example, it would be front-wheel drive.

William Hanson 0:19:51 Okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:51 Whereas if you've got the rear wheels driving the car—

William Hanson 0:19:55 Separate. So, in a Mercedes, the front wheels don't drive the car?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:59 No.

William Hanson 0:19:59 Okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:20:00 No. It's very typical with German cars. BMW, the same.

William Hanson 0:20:04 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:20:04 Mostly it's rear-wheel drive. And whilst they're very good on motorways and things like that, in snow, rear-wheel drive cars are terrible. and we went down to Devon in this Mercedes, and it started snowing midway, and we were sliding all over the place. So, and this shows the difference between today and the '80s, my brother and I were tasked with getting out and putting the car mats under the rear wheels of the car to get it moving.

William Hanson 0:20:33 Oh, wow.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:20:34 And we did that down the motorway. My brother and I were quite young at the time, But that was our little offering to get the car moving in the snow.

William Hanson 0:20:43 What, so you just got out the car onto a motorway?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:20:45 Yes.

William Hanson 0:20:45 Right.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:20:46 And we used the car mats to give the tyres grip.

William Hanson 0:20:49 Right. We don't encourage that. Now—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:20:54 That's what's wrong with this country now.

William Hanson 0:20:56 If it's sunny outside, I think we should focus— I know we're talking about the weather, but we're focusing a lot on the sun. What do you do to protect yourself from the sun? You don't do SPF, do you?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:05 Well, well, I do if I'm on holiday.

William Hanson 0:21:07 On your face?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:08 Yes.

William Hanson 0:21:09 Okay, but why don't you do it in Britain in a heat wave? Because arguably it's hotter here than it is—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:14 Oh, don't be silly. No, the, the British sun, um, I'm used to that. That's no problem.

William Hanson 0:21:20 I don't think that's how it works.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:22 I can cope with that. I'm used to that. My skin— I'm— because I'm British, my skin was designed for this climate. And this sun.

William Hanson 0:21:30 No.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:31 Whereas if I go to Spain, it's a different kind of sun, isn't it?

William Hanson 0:21:34 I think it is the same sun.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:36 Yeah, but it feels different, so I have to put factor 30 on there. But here, I don't worry. I don't worry.

William Hanson 0:21:42 And to protect your eyes, do you put— do you wear a hat or sunglasses or both?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:46 Sunglasses.

William Hanson 0:21:47 Okay. I bought some new sunglasses yesterday.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:49 Did you?

William Hanson 0:21:50 Yes, because I left my other sunglasses in a black cab.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:53 Oh, no.

William Hanson 0:21:54 Which was stupid.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:55 Another one of your drunken evenings?

William Hanson 0:21:57 No, actually, this was midday on a Sunday. It was when I was going to work.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:01 Oh, annoying.

William Hanson 0:22:02 Yeah. So I bought some new ones.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:04 Okay.

William Hanson 0:22:05 They're quite stylish. I'll show them to you later.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:06 You slap the old SPF on all the time, don't you?

William Hanson 0:22:09 Every day. Even in the height of winter, I'm wearing factor 50.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:11 That's why you're so pale compared to me with my big red face. You're very pale, aren't you?

William Hanson 0:22:18 That's why when this episode gets edited and visualised, I have to have a different filter on my camera to you. To make us look more normal. Or no, let's put it this way. You have to have a filter on your lens.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:30 Are you joking? Do they put—

William Hanson 0:22:32 Do you not know that?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:32 Rodrigo, do you put a filter on?

William Hanson 0:22:34 No, no, no. In post.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:35 What?

William Hanson 0:22:36 In post.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:37 What do you mean?

William Hanson 0:22:38 Well, for when they're editing it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:40 I didn't know about this until—

William Hanson 0:22:43 It's like a colour grade.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:44 What?

William Hanson 0:22:44 I believe they have to— Does that still happen? It used to.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:48 I don't know if that still happens, but I know that there's a lot of pink in the background and in Jordan's complexion.

William Hanson 0:22:53 You de-red me!

Speaker C 0:22:56 I think slightly.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:57 Oh.

William Hanson 0:22:59 Well, just to balance it out. If you was just a solo clip—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:23:03 Because you're so pale, I have to be balanced. Yeah.

William Hanson 0:23:07 I believe that's right. Well,

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:23:11 Rodrigo. Yeah? Are you paling my face out? No, not me.

William Hanson 0:23:16 Izzy definitely used to do it, and I think Ollie might still do it. We'll ask.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:23:21 Oh wow, I had no knowledge of this until now.

William Hanson 0:23:25 I thought you did, sorry.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:23:26 No, I didn't.

William Hanson 0:23:27 Are you okay? You offended?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:23:28 No, I couldn't care less, to be honest.

William Hanson 0:23:31 Talking of the sun, we now have a parasol in our garden.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:23:35 Do you?

William Hanson 0:23:36 Yes, cantilever.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:23:38 Oh, get you, devil! Look at you.

William Hanson 0:23:42 And actually, that was very— because it's now that we've had the nativity taken down outside, It was quite hot in the sun, so we ordered this nice sort of 3-meter parasol.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:23:53 Is there part of you that wonders whether you made the right decision over that?

William Hanson 0:23:56 No. Well, that's what Dave the gay handyman, who was around this morning, said. He said, oh, I bet you missed that last week. And I said, well, yes, but you could only sit in the corner, and you wouldn't have got our big table under it, and blah blah blah. So, yes, the parasol's lovely.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:24:11 Oh, nice.

William Hanson 0:24:12 It covers the whole table.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:24:13 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:24:13 And I sat out there in the heatwave, and that was fine with that parasol.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:24:16 Right.

William Hanson 0:24:17 So, it's nice. Are you— when it is hot, do you open all the windows, or do you do that whole don't open the windows, shut all the windows, shut the blinds, don't let any heat in?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:24:25 Well, it depends.

William Hanson 0:24:27 Some people either get a throughdraft and cool down that way, or others go through the don't open anything.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:24:32 I think it depends if the sun is on your— on the front of your house or on the back of your house. then that's where you close the windows, close the curtains, and try and block out that heat. But once the sun has moved away, then I'm a believer in open the windows, let the breeze through, let the air flow.

William Hanson 0:24:50 Lovely.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:24:51 But there is something that I have been toying with because of the heat wave.

William Hanson 0:24:56 I've told you not to do that.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:24:57 And I'm quite excited about it because it's something that I know you won't be able to top.

William Hanson 0:25:08 I'll give it a go.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:25:09 I was thinking I might have a pool installed. I looked, because one of the things I noticed about Spain is that, of course, when you're in Spain and the weather's hot, You go and dip in the pool, don't you? You cool yourself down. And I thought, do you know what? In my part of luxury Hertfordshire, that's what I'm missing. A nice cool pool. So, I asked, um, AI to design a photo of my house with the garden showing what a pool would look like, and it looked absolutely superb.

William Hanson 0:25:55 Now, in all seriousness, are you actually thinking of putting in a pool?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:25:57 Well, I am looking into it, yeah.

William Hanson 0:25:59 Wow.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:25:59 And the pool itself, you have that installed, and then you can now have it heated with a heat pump. Because that was the thing, uh, a pool used to cost a lot of money to heat. I mean, your parents, they had a swimming pool, didn't they, years ago? And I bet the running of it cost a fortune, because they do. Um, but now with a heat pump, a cool—

William Hanson 0:26:24 So, how was my parents' pool/conventional pools heated?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:27 I don't know.

William Hanson 0:26:27 We had a great big— so, in one of the barns, there was like a big Pump that was noisy.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:32 Right.

William Hanson 0:26:33 Very noisy.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:33 Yeah, but I think that's the pump for the filters, isn't it? That's not the heater.

William Hanson 0:26:37 Okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:38 I don't know. But, um, no, you can have a heat pump installed, like a, like an air conditioning type heat pump, and that heats your water.

William Hanson 0:26:46 Do you get charged VAT on that as well, or not?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:48 I don't know.

William Hanson 0:26:49 No.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:49 But, um, I thought, would that be okay, or would that be too extravagant?

William Hanson 0:26:54 What, to have a swimming pool?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:55 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:26:55 No, I think you do. I think it'd be very nice. Yeah? Yeah, I'll come round.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:59 Well, I know. My social life will improve enormously. Yes. Suddenly I'll become Mr. Popular. Oh, what are you doing this weekend? Can we pop round, have a dip in your pool?

William Hanson 0:27:13 Wow.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:27:14 Do you think I should, or is it extravagant?

William Hanson 0:27:16 I think look into it. I mean, it would only be a little small one, wouldn't it?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:27:20 Yeah, it's a small, small pool. Did I show you? Did I show you the plans?

William Hanson 0:27:22 Would it all be the same? You did. Would it all be the same Um, depth?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:27:26 Uh,

William Hanson 0:27:27 or would you have a shallow end and a deep end?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:27:29 I— well, I wouldn't— I don't think I'd want one that was too deep because that's when it gets very cold, isn't it? When people have overly deep pools. I think this would just— it'd just be essential for a dip. Shall I show? I'm going to show producer Sadie. This is how my pool would look. Oh, wow. That is luxury, that. Do you like that?

Speaker F 0:27:50 I like that.

William Hanson 0:27:51 That isn't the orientation that I would do, though.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:27:54 I could put the— I could do it differently.

William Hanson 0:27:56 Okay, fine. I would sort of— Would you turn it round? Yeah, turn it round.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:27:59 I need to keep the grass because my dogs like to wee on the grass.

William Hanson 0:28:02 I don't want a dog weeing in the pool.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:28:04 That is also a slight problem. I do have Labradors that love a swim. So, I'd have to make sure it had a cover.

William Hanson 0:28:12 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:28:12 Because otherwise the dogs would spend 24 hours a day swimming in the pool.

William Hanson 0:28:16 Yeah. And you're gonna then have to have it closed off at winter.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:28:19 Yes.

William Hanson 0:28:20 Yeah. Yeah. And half dry, and then you'll sort of find a dead frog in it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:28:23 That's all right.

William Hanson 0:28:24 I don't mind that. Normally what happens.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:28:26 Right.

William Hanson 0:28:27 Okay. I think I investigate it. Do you think Chilly Room Charlie and Cooler Down Kev do swimming pools?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:28:32 No, I know. I don't think they do.

William Hanson 0:28:34 I don't even know what the cost of putting a swimming pool in is.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:28:37 Well, I don't think it's cheap. No, I think it's cheap.

William Hanson 0:28:40 6 episodes a week.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:28:41 But anyway, so I might think about that.

William Hanson 0:28:48 Yeah, give it a thought.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:28:49 Yeah, which probably means I won't do anything about it. No. I'd better get that. It's probably a luxury swimming pool installing company.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:30:17 Welcome back, Bucketheads. We've been discussing the weather. And it's now time for your questions. So, let's check out our heaving bags of post. Do remember, if there's something on your mind that needs a luxury touch, postman@luxurypodcast.co.uk is the place for your queries and your questions.

William Hanson 0:30:50 This first one is from Amelia. Hello, chaps. I have a cautionary tale from last year's heatwave. I'm fortunate enough to live on the south coast in Eastbourne.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:30:58 Oh.

William Hanson 0:30:58 Which meant that as soon as the temperature climbed above 25 degrees, every man, woman, child within a 50-mile radius descended upon the beach. Now, despite the fact that the sea was looking particularly choppy, and despite being at best an extremely average swimmer, I decided the sensible thing to do was to venture into the water for a cooling dip. Initially, all was well. I was feeling refreshed, but without warning, a sizable wave picked me up and deposited me onto a rock. In a matter of seconds, I managed to bang my head, lose a rather expensive pair of sunglasses, and have my belly button piercing violently removed from my person.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:31:29 Oh no!

William Hanson 0:31:29 Somehow, I emerged from the sea alive, albeit poorer, bruised, and with fewer piercings than when I entered.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:31:37 At least the salt water is good for the healing.

William Hanson 0:31:39 Yes, I was going to say it did you a favour. So, my advice during this current spell of hot weather is simple: avoid the sea at all costs. My question for you both is this: what are the most luxurious ways to stay cool during a heat wave that don't involve risking death, dismemberment, or the loss of designer eyewear? All the best, Amelia, your only straight female listener and Silver member.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:31:58 Oh, well, apart from my luxury pool that we were talking about before the break, I'm not sure that there are very many luxury ways of cooling down, are there? Because, I mean, I would generally get the hose out, but I don't think hosing yourself down in the back garden is very luxury.

William Hanson 0:32:16 No, it's not very luxury. And there might be a hosepipe ban.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:32:19 There might.

William Hanson 0:32:20 Yes, so you can't do that. Mikey has for bed a, like, some sort of synthetic towels that you sort of rinse under the tap and then wring it out, and then put it on your neck or wherever you want to put it. I know you've got thoughts about towels on necks, but it's not to clean. It's just to cool yourself down. Or you can pop it on your face or on your chest, your décolletage, whatever you want to do. And then when it gets a bit warm, you snap it, like you pull it taut, and that sort of somehow reinvigorates it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:32:50 Well, we've had quite an insight into your pre-bed routine when it's hot.

William Hanson 0:32:57 Yes. So there's that.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:32:59 Mikey's snapping his towel all over you.

William Hanson 0:33:01 Not over me, over him. Oh. I don't do any of that. I just whip the duvet off if I've still got the duvet. 2.5 tog duvet, that's what we're on currently.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:33:11 Oh, I'm— you see, I don't need that now. I'm on the winter duvet.

William Hanson 0:33:14 No. Oh no, I can't wait to be under the winter duvet and air conditioning when it's the height of summer. It should be lovely. Yes, and do you— are you pre-air conditioning? Clothed still in the summer in bed to cool down? Do you find—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:33:27 Oh, never naked.

William Hanson 0:33:29 No.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:33:29 No. I don't think it's quite nice to be naked.

William Hanson 0:33:32 Do you take your top off?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:33:32 Yes, I do. I like to be naked on the top.

William Hanson 0:33:35 Right.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:33:36 Yeah. Are you?

William Hanson 0:33:37 This weather, yes. Not normally.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:33:39 Are you normally topped? I'm

William Hanson 0:34:03 too tired for this. Yes, actually. Makes a change.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:34:16 Right. Yeah. No, I don't like— I, I don't like being clothed on my top, um, generally throughout the whole year.

William Hanson 0:34:25 Oh, so even in winter?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:34:27 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:34:27 And even now with AC?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:34:28 No, I don't. No, I don't like it. No, no. But I do— but I don't think it's nice to expose your nether regions to any bed. I don't think it's nice. I think you should always, for hygiene reasons, Nobody needs that on the sheets.

William Hanson 0:34:45 No,

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:34:45 no,

William Hanson 0:34:45 no, no, no, I quite agree.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:34:47 Jayden's been in touch, William, says, dear William and Jonathan— spelt with an H and an O, novel— for a rather long while now, I've wondered how to dress appropriately yet still smart in different weather conditions. Whether to wear a manly polo in a heatwave or wear a nice coat in the winter. I'd love to hear your thoughts on the matter. Thanks for making the best podcast to exist and helping the world live in a more luxury way, says Jayden Fagioli.

William Hanson 0:35:18 It gets worse.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:35:48 A loyal 13-year-old Silver member.

William Hanson 0:35:51 Bless you, Jayden.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:35:52 Oh,

William Hanson 0:35:53 well, um, let's start with winter. I love winter for the purpose that you can get more dressed up because you, you can wear a beautiful coat. I have a range of beautiful coats. I'm trying to be professional. You can wear lovely scarves. Yeah, maybe a fedora.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:36:14 Yeah,

William Hanson 0:36:15 gloves. I think there are a lot more opportunities to sort of show off your style in winter.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:36:21 Yeah, but that's what gets on my nerves.

William Hanson 0:36:23 Really?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:36:23 I much prefer the summer where just some action slacks and a manly polo will do, and maybe some devilish deck shoes.

William Hanson 0:36:32 Yes, okay, nice. never shorts in the workplace. Shorts at home, fine.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:36:37 Oh, at home, yeah, do what you want at home. In the workplace, no,

William Hanson 0:36:41 no,

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:36:41 unless you're a postman. No one needs to see that.

William Hanson 0:36:44 Lifeguard?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:36:44 Or a lifeguard, yeah, yeah,

William Hanson 0:36:48 yeah. Um, but I, I've said, I say every time there is a heat wave on the continent, particularly in Italy where they are more stylish than most people, they just change the material of the clothes they're wearing. They don't change the clothes they're wearing. So, they're still wearing a shirt and trousers, but they go to linens or cooler cotton or a more lightweight wool or a wool-linen blend. They don't start shedding, which is what we seem to do in this country.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:37:13 Yeah. But I mean, you're kind of wearing— you've got a kind of polo on, haven't you? Yeah. It's an unusual polo. It's got a zip.

William Hanson 0:37:22 Yep.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:37:23 It's kind of polo slash blouse. But it looks nice and light and airy.

William Hanson 0:37:28 It is.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:37:29 It's—

William Hanson 0:37:30 and it's sort of, um—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:37:30 Oh, I hadn't noticed the extra colour.

William Hanson 0:37:33 Yes, it's got, you know—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:37:34 A two-tone polo.

William Hanson 0:37:36 Slimming.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:37:36 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:37:39 Maybe that's why you said I looked extra slim earlier.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:37:41 I think you do look too thin, actually.

William Hanson 0:37:43 No, it's what I've said to you, because for Titanic we have to do— we spend all our time walking around the back of the theatre when we're crossing, because there's no cross at the back, and we do a physical warm-up every day. It's exhausting.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:37:54 Well, I think for us men, a manly polo, some cream slacks, deck shoes, a nice pair of sunglasses, you're ready to go, aren't you?

William Hanson 0:38:07 You are.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:38:07 For women, I think something nice and flowing.

William Hanson 0:38:10 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:38:11 Don't go for skimpy clothes, women, in the— No, but it's true, isn't it? You don't go for skimpy clothes. In the summer. You know, you're not Spanish.

William Hanson 0:38:22 No. But the Spanish don't do that.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:38:24 Some do. Some do. Yes, you don't need tight-fitting skimpy clothes.

William Hanson 0:38:31 And no one needs tight-fitting anything at any time of year because it's so uncomfortable, and you will get hot.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:38:35 Something nice and light and flowing. Let the air in.

William Hanson 0:38:39 Yeah,

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:38:39 that's what you want.

William Hanson 0:38:40 Let the air whip around it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:38:41 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:38:42 This is from George. Dear William and Jonathan, With the recent soaring temperatures in the UK, I have been tussling with the question as to how I can best ensure that I smell above and beyond British standards in such sweaty conditions. Are there any luxury Spanish brands I could be missing out on, as I believe the popular foul odours such as Lynx Africa give off a rather common scent? Best regards, George. Just several washes a day, not just 2, have 3 if you can.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:39:07 Yeah,

William Hanson 0:39:08 have one in the middle of the day.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:39:09 Yeah,

William Hanson 0:39:09 and a very strong deodorant.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:39:11 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:39:12 I would say, and an extra spritz of whatever scent you're going to wear.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:39:15 Eau de Pravia, maybe.

William Hanson 0:39:17 Potentially.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:39:18 Bit of Tulipan Negro. What's that, Rodrigo?

William Hanson 0:39:20 What does Tulipan Negro mean?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:39:24 Black tulip.

William Hanson 0:39:29 Rodrigo, you sound very resigned.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:39:37 He went sniffing the old black tulip, didn't you, Rodrigo?

Speaker A 0:39:39 Yes, I did.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:39:40 Oh, Fran's been in touch, William.

William Hanson 0:39:45 Okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:39:46 Hello, you gorgeous men.

William Hanson 0:39:48 Oh.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:39:48 I hate, hate, hate umbrellas.

William Hanson 0:39:54 Oh.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:39:55 Every single one I've tried has been pretty much useless. As soon as the wind blows, sometimes only slightly, the thing turns inside out and you have to wrestle it back to the right way again. Not a luxury look. And often rain is accompanied by wind.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:40:10 For a mother such as myself, umbrellas can be very impractical, as it's pretty much impossible to carry an umbrella while also pushing a pushchair. So my question is this: what is the most luxury alternative to an umbrella, in your opinion? And what is the best umbrella you have found that doesn't fail in a gust? Also, what's the correct etiquette for manoeuvring your brolly in confined or crowded spaces. At 5 foot 3, I'm likely to hurt or possibly even remove the eye of a passerby, even if I stand on my tippy-tippy toes, and so I tend to not bother with the thing at all.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:40:50 Have either of you ever had an umbrella-based mishap? Your help and advice, as always, shall be gratefully received. Fran from Derbyshire.

William Hanson 0:40:58 I love an umbrella.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:41:00 So do I.

William Hanson 0:41:01 Yeah,

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:41:02 I'm one of the few dog walkers that goes out with an umbrella.

William Hanson 0:41:06 Oh,

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:41:06 always.

William Hanson 0:41:06 Now, that's unusual in a dog walker in the country in particular.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:41:09 Yeah, yeah.

William Hanson 0:41:10 I don't like the golfing umbrellas. They're fine.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:41:12 Oh, I do.

William Hanson 0:41:12 Oh no, they're too big. I mean, in the country that's fine because there's no one around you.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:41:16 Yeah,

William Hanson 0:41:16 but in, in the city, a golf umbrella I find antisocial.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:41:19 Oh yes. Yeah, I mean, you wouldn't walk through London with a golf umbrella, would you?

William Hanson 0:41:22 People do.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:41:23 Do they?

William Hanson 0:41:23 People do.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:41:25 No, no, no, no. But in the countryside, I like a big golf umbrella, and I kind of anchor it down, and I put the eyefinder— in order to stop it blowing off, what you need to do is you bring it all the way down so you create a kind of roof over your head.

William Hanson 0:41:41 Okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:41:42 Almost touching your head.

William Hanson 0:41:43 But how can you see where you're going?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:41:44 Well, you just kind of tilt the angle so that you get enough of a view ahead of you.

William Hanson 0:41:49 Can you not get what the late Queen had and get those sort of see-through ones. The see-through ones that literally came over her.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:41:55 Oh no.

William Hanson 0:41:56 You should get one of those. Fulton.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:41:58 Really?

William Hanson 0:41:59 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:42:00 And I just kind of, I anchor it with both hands, and if you hold on to the bit, you know, the bit that goes up?

William Hanson 0:42:08 The shaft.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:42:09 Hold, grip the shaft firmly and just hold on to it, and as you feel the wind kind of lift you up, just use your body weight to clamp it down.

William Hanson 0:42:21 Oh, really?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:42:22 Okay. And I've never had one— well, no, that's not quite true. I have had one blow inside out before, um, but my, my most recent one has not blown inside out.

William Hanson 0:42:32 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:42:33 And I've been in some blowy weather. Mind you, I nearly got electrocuted the other day because I was out, you know, a few weeks ago we suddenly had some thunderstorms after the first heat wave.

William Hanson 0:42:41 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:42:41 And I went off for a dog walk and I was out in the middle of the countryside and suddenly this terrible thunderstorm started.

William Hanson 0:42:47 Umbrellas would be like a lightning rod.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:42:50 I suddenly realised there I was in the middle of a field gripping my umbrella.

William Hanson 0:42:53 Gripping yourself.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:42:54 I was gripping it. So I thought, I'm going to have to put it down because I'm going to get electrocuted.

William Hanson 0:42:59 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:43:00 So I got drenched instead. Not much fun.

William Hanson 0:43:03 No. And in terms of your question, Fran, about sort of who sort of, you know, manoeuvres it when you get into crowded spaces, I think I would always just say, As the taller people are the ones that have to sort of raise their arm as they pass shorter people.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:43:17 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:43:17 So it's up to we tall people to—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:43:20 I also, I drive an umbrella in a crowd. I drive it.

William Hanson 0:43:25 So when it's up?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:43:27 Yeah. So as I'm approaching people, I'm anticipating their movements and I'm driving, I'm angling my umbrella. I've got it in different angles so that I'm trying to avoid those sharp bits pricking someone. What? Don't you know what I mean? Don't you do the same?

William Hanson 0:43:44 I do know what you mean. You just—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:43:45 You just kind of angle it and you— oh, there, she's over there. Lower that bit there. Lift that bit up there. And before you know it, you've weaved your way through.

William Hanson 0:43:53 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:43:54 And no one has ended up at Moorfields.

William Hanson 0:43:56 You've got to be aware of your surroundings.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:44:00 You have.

William Hanson 0:44:01 You have.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:44:01 Yes, you do.

William Hanson 0:44:02 Oh, well, I'm worn out.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:44:04 I can tell. I can tell. What a, what a wonderfully informative episode.

William Hanson 0:44:10 Yes, indeed.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:44:11 I think that's more than enough luxury for today. We will, of course, be back tomorrow for one of our bonus episodes, and I can't wait, William. I've got a lot to fill you in with. Do look out as well for us next Wednesday for our main episode when we're going to be talking about…

Speaker F 0:44:28 The afterlife.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:44:30 Until then, goodbye.