Naked Cartwheels and Mirror Disasters

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:01:02 Hello and welcome to The Luxury Podcast. My name's Jonathan Vernon-Smith, and with me is William Hanson. This is the podcast that helps you live a more luxury life.

William Hanson 0:01:21 Hello, Jonathan and I are here to help you create the everyday moments of luxury that make life worth living. Whatever your budget.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:01:27 So welcome to another bonus episode of The Luxury Podcast, where William and I trade tips and stories from our own luxury lifestyles, as well as delving into our lovely great big overflowing mail sacks. William.

William Hanson 0:01:39 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:01:40 You've had a busy week.

William Hanson 0:01:41 I've had a very busy day, very busy week. We've opened Titanic.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:01:45 Yes.

William Hanson 0:01:46 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:01:46 I've noticed.

William Hanson 0:01:47 My big opening in the West End. Wow.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:01:49 How's your opening going down?

William Hanson 0:01:51 It's going down Better than expected.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:01:53 Is it?

William Hanson 0:01:53 Yes, I've only done 2 shows at time of recording. Got my 3rd tonight. Show, for clarity. And it's going nicely. I'm enjoying it. I feel I sort of vaguely know the show. Yet to have a big— sorry, yet to have a big mess up.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:10 Right.

William Hanson 0:02:11 Edited that.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:13 Don't you start bringing your thespian ways to this luxury Mouth like a Navi.

William Hanson 0:02:23 Yes. But no, everyone's lovely. It's gorgeous. It's nice. So, I can't really complain.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:28 So, has the novelty worn off yet?

William Hanson 0:02:30 No, no, no, it hasn't.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:31 No. When do you think it will wear off? When do you think you'll think, oh, I'm exhausted now? Wednesday.

William Hanson 0:02:37 Wednesday?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:37 No. Because I'm coming to see you in July.

William Hanson 0:02:41 Yes, it might be quite good by then.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:42 Am I going to get the best of you?

William Hanson 0:02:44 I think so. I think you'll get a good version of the show. Even— I mean, everyone's got a pretty good version of the show, but I think we'll all, as cast, we will all have completely relaxed into where the beats are and the laughs and where you can improvise. Right.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:59 So, and have you found the audience to be drunken gays?

William Hanson 0:03:01 No, everyone's been quite sober so far, but I'm told the weekend shows, which we are yet to do at time of recording, are wild.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:12 Well, when I went there, the audience was full of drunken gays. Absolutely full. Chock-a-block.

William Hanson 0:03:21 Well, roll on the weekend.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:24 That's what I'd say. I see. Anyway, well, I'm pleased it's going well.

William Hanson 0:03:27 Now, before we get on to your week and general well-being, it's a very exciting day at Luxury Podcast Towers.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:34 It is an exciting day.

William Hanson 0:03:36 Yes, on so many levels.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:37 Look who the cat's dragged back.

William Hanson 0:03:46 Look who the kangaroo—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:47 hello!

William Hanson 0:03:49 And here he is.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:51 Good idea.

Speaker G 0:03:51 Um, your old producer.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:53 Oh, producer, producer Ollie, who's practically dead to us, but it's nice to see you.

William Hanson 0:03:59 And why are you back?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:01 Yeah, why? It is— we've moved on.

Oli 0:04:03 Yes, he, he said I looked— he said I looked like I was dying. Jonathan did. No, I didn't say die.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:10 I said you look pasty. Yeah, I thought he'd come back looking all healthy and Australian. Yeah, and it'd be the summer over there.

Oli 0:04:15 No, no, winter.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:17 I don't— I'm not— They're in the winter now, aren't they?

William Hanson 0:04:19 Well, no, but you went over there in January.

Oli 0:04:20 Yeah, I had a good time then.

William Hanson 0:04:22 Oh, did you? Yeah. Okay.

Oli 0:04:24 Shaved off all my hair.

William Hanson 0:04:25 Yes. What was— what was that, a cry for help?

Oli 0:04:28 No, it was just a bit cheaper than the normal haircut, so I thought— and I didn't really know what a crew cut was when he said, I can do you a crew cut, and then I found out quite quickly.

William Hanson 0:04:38 Did you like the crew cut?

Oli 0:04:41 Yeah, I did actually. Yeah, it was a bit of a change.

William Hanson 0:04:43 Okay, nice. And what's your favourite thing about Australia? Um, well, the move was worth it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:51 Is it the history and the culture? Yeah.

Oli 0:04:56 Anzac cookies are great. Try an Anzac cookie if you go to Australia.

William Hanson 0:04:59 What's an Anzac cookie?

Oli 0:05:01 It's like oat and coconut in a cookie.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:04 Oh.

Oli 0:05:04 It's really good. They do cookies in general very well over there.

William Hanson 0:05:07 I mean, I'm sure they're lovely, but I'm not sure that warrants an entire relocation.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:11 Or even a long, long journey on a holiday.

William Hanson 0:05:14 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:15 It's a long way to go for a cookie, Ollie. Yeah. I'm sure there must be somewhere you can get them here.

William Hanson 0:05:20 What are the people like?

Oli 0:05:21 The people are lovely. I've met 2 lovely luxury listeners.

William Hanson 0:05:26 2? Not just Corey? Who else?

Oli 0:05:27 No, Corey and Stephanie.

William Hanson 0:05:29 Stephanie? Are they together?

Oli 0:05:30 They're not. They're separate. They haven't met yet, but they're going— they are both coming to my 30th. And you actually mentioned what I'm doing for my 30th in your birthdays episode. I'm doing laser tag, and they're gonna come.

William Hanson 0:05:42 Sorry, your 30th, not your 13th.

Speaker I 0:05:44 Yeah.

Speaker J 0:05:46 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:46 Sorry, you're going to Laser Quest, otherwise known as laser tag in Australia. Yes. And your new friends are coming.

Oli 0:05:53 Yeah, my new luxury listeners are coming.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:55 Ollie, this is— Last teachwork. Absolutely tragic. You've left your luxury London lifestyle and look what's happened to you. Yeah. It's tragic. Yeah.

William Hanson 0:06:09 But are you looking forward to it?

Oli 0:06:10 I'm looking forward to it very much.

William Hanson 0:06:13 How many people are coming to Luxury Tag, or whatever you call it? Laser tag.

Speaker K 0:06:17 Luxury Tag.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:18 We could open our own LaserQuest!

William Hanson 0:06:21 Live show!

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:22 Luxury Tag.

William Hanson 0:06:24 Luxury Tag.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:24 Come and zap a better class of person. There you go.

William Hanson 0:06:29 Yeah, how many people are coming?

Oli 0:06:33 I actually think 20, which is ridiculous.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:35 20? 20 new friends? I don't know how we've met 20 people.

Oli 0:06:38 That's ridiculous.

William Hanson 0:06:38 That's insane.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:39 Are they all very positive people? Not riddled with cynicism? And negativity like us Brits.

Oli 0:06:46 Yeah, exactly.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:47 Oh, and are you liking that, or is it getting on your nerves?

Oli 0:06:50 So far, quite nice, actually. Yeah.

William Hanson 0:06:52 And have you relocated? Because you have to— you can't stay in one place longer than 6 months, is that correct?

Speaker L 0:06:56 Ah, you can't. What did the court say?

Speaker M 0:06:58 That was a—

Oli 0:07:06 um, you can't work for the same company in Australia for 6 months, so I can actually stay. Until they catch me, I can stay in the same place.

William Hanson 0:07:15 Well, as long as you don't broadcast that, you'll be fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:18 Gosh. Next time you're watching border security, you'll see producer Ollie being dragged out by a hefty Australian at the border.

William Hanson 0:07:28 Popping a latex glove on his hand.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:30 Yes. You didn't try and smuggle any of those insects you can eat in, did you?

Oli 0:07:35 Into the UK?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:36 No, into Australia. That's a recipe for disaster. The Chinese are always doing that. They're like, it's just a snack.

Oli 0:07:43 Be a good way to get another— I get a free crew cut. Yes.

William Hanson 0:07:48 Yeah. Check everything's— well, it's lovely to— what did you say?

Speaker N 0:07:52 Prison haircut.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:55 Get a prison haircut. That's a good idea.

William Hanson 0:07:57 It's lovely to see you. It's lovely to be here. This is just for one week only, isn't it?

Oli 0:08:01 Yeah, very much so. But it's really nice, really nice to see you all. Nice to see Sadie and Rodrigo.

Speaker J 0:08:07 And everyone?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:07 Good.

Speaker J 0:08:08 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:08 Well, it's nice to have you back. Thank you. Now, piss off.

William Hanson 0:08:17 So, Jonathan, how— other than obviously being buoyed silly that we've got Ollie back briefly for a week, how has your week been?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:24 My week has been quite stressful, actually. It's been quite stressful. I've had Mirrorgate, William.

William Hanson 0:08:31 Oh. Mirrorgate. Well, you looked in it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:35 Actually, I'll get to that in a second. I'll get to that. You know, I had my luxury air conditioning fitted by Chilly Room Charlie and Cool It Down Kev.

William Hanson 0:08:44 Yes. They've gone cold on me as well, but—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:47 Have they? Do you need me to chase them up?

William Hanson 0:08:48 I've nudged. I nudged yesterday.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:50 Oh, okay.

William Hanson 0:08:51 They're very busy.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:52 They're doing 3 a day. Yes, I know.

William Hanson 0:08:53 We're about to have another heatwave.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:54 Exactly. Well, they're trying to squash them all in. Anyway, so Chilly Room Charlie and Cool It Down Kev installed air conditioning for my bedroom. It went on the wall of the room that had a very big mirror on. You— do you remember? Have you ever seen my big mirror in the bedroom?

William Hanson 0:09:12 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:13 And so, I had to take the mirror off to have the air conditioning fitted.

William Hanson 0:09:19 Yeah, okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:20 Now, I wanted to put it back up. It needed to come lower down on the wall. So, my brother, who inherited all of the practical skills, He came over last weekend and he put it up. And when he attached the brackets, the brackets— bearing in mind this IKEA mirror now is over 20 years old.

William Hanson 0:09:39 Oh.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:40 And it's been on and off the wall several times with redecoration, moving, etc. And the little brackets have lost their strength. And as we tried to attach it to the wall, the brackets kind of gave way, and this massive heavy mirror fell off the wall and took a chunk out of one of the walls of the bedroom. So that was a bit annoying, and I thought, what am I going to do? And then I thought, I know, my friend David, he will help me.

William Hanson 0:10:10 Hmm.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:11 So I text him the next day. I said, David, I need to attach the mirror to the bedroom wall. Could you help me? He said, yeah, there's no problem.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:17 We just need some special brackets. So he told me what to get. I went off, I went and got the brackets, And the next day he came round in the afternoon and we attached the brackets to the wall. And then he had to attach the other part of the brackets to the back of the mirror, at which point he was drilling through. And all of a sudden I just heard this— Ollie, get ready to beep it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:38 Oh, fuck.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:41 And when he turned the mirror over, he'd accidentally— and I think it might have been my fault— he drilled the screw through the glass and the mirror had cracked from one corner down to the other.

William Hanson 0:10:54 Oh.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:56 And there was that moment where we both kind of looked at each other, and I went, well, that's that then, isn't it? It's that. So, I then had to spend the rest of the week, I had to get new glass cut.

William Hanson 0:11:08 It'd not be cheap. I mean, I don't want to be— I really am not being rude here, but I would imagine—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:13 I know what you're going to say, and I have justification for it.

William Hanson 0:11:16 Okay, fine.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:17 Bizarre decision, I know.

William Hanson 0:11:18 Mirrors are right here.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:19 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:11:19 I would imagine they're not that expensive.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:21 No, it wasn't that expensive. However, It was a very nice mirror. It looked good in the room. And they don't make it anymore.

William Hanson 0:11:31 It's discontinued.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:33 And also, by this point, all of these new brackets are now fully installed on the wall. So I'm thinking, well, if I buy a new mirror, I've now got to take all the brackets off the wall. The whole bedroom now needs to be redecorated, all because of this mirror. And I've now created— this is snowballing into a massive problem. So, I thought the best way I can deal with this, in my mind, is I'll get some new mirror glass cut.

William Hanson 0:12:00 It's not an episode of Mr. Bean, Riz.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:02 So, David comes around, we dismantle the mirror now. We've taken it apart. There's glass all over the room, all over the bed. It's disastrous. And I then phone up this glass company, and I say, this is the measurement, could I have the glass? He said, no problem, come over, I'll cut it now for you.

William Hanson 0:12:22 Oh.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:22 So, I drove straight over, picked up the glass. I get the glass back in my car, and you made a little joke earlier about you looked in the mirror. Have you ever looked into a mirror like this at this angle?

William Hanson 0:12:35 What, down?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:37 Looking down. And I caught a glimpse of myself. Why is producer so—

Speaker O 0:12:46 Anticipating what you're going to say.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:48 I caught a glimpse of myself, and there was this old turkey neck and this kind of these jowls and this face. And I thought, Jesus Christ, that's me! And I don't know if it's the new mirror or whether the— in the course of this week I've aged a lot, but that— I looked terrible in the mirror.

William Hanson 0:13:12 Hmm.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:12 Anyway, we got the mirror out of the car, And David and I then put this mirror together. And David, I thought, very— in a very observant way, he suggested that we were like 2 bomb disposal experts trying to put this mirror back into the frame without cracking it again.

William Hanson 0:13:28 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:28 After an awful lot, and we were both literally perspiring, we managed to get it fixed, back on the wall. My mirror has now been installed to and above British standards.

William Hanson 0:13:40 Well, gosh, that's Herculean efforts.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:44 Absolutely exhausted, I was.

William Hanson 0:13:46 I'm exhausted listening to it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:47 Ridiculous. £72.50 for new glass.

William Hanson 0:13:51 I don't think that's terrible, because that's a sizable mirror.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:53 It is. It's a whopper. Absolute whopper. But thankfully, when I looked at it on the wall, I didn't look quite as awful. I think it might have been the angle.

William Hanson 0:14:01 I think it's all about the angle. Yeah. It's all about the angle. It's like when you— if you ever open your phone and the camera's facing forwards. Yeah. It's the same principle. You look absolutely hideous.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:10 Well, let me show you now. So if I— I'm going to put— I'm going to put this—

William Hanson 0:14:15 No, I know what it is. I don't want to look at myself.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:18 No, but just put that on the desk. I'm putting the camera on the desk. Now lean over that and look down. Yeah, I look horrific. Imagine that in a big mirror. Look at it.

William Hanson 0:14:27 Actually, I think I look quite hot.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:29 And then of course, the trouble is when you look— I don't— oh, there it is again, that face. And then you think, thank goodness no one would ever see me looking like that.

William Hanson 0:14:51 So, is it time to consider Botox?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:54 I think it might be a bit past Botox.

William Hanson 0:14:59 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:59 Yeah. What can you have done to your neck?

William Hanson 0:15:01 Oh, you can have all sorts. Shall I have my neck done? Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:05 Can I have like a turkey neck removal?

William Hanson 0:15:07 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:07 And the jowls?

William Hanson 0:15:09 They could all go.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:10 Could I?

William Hanson 0:15:11 I can introduce you to people.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:13 I bet you could.

William Hanson 0:15:16 This time next year, you're gonna look like Joan Collins.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:18 Yes, right. Oh, Joan Collins. I loved her. But apparently— No, she's still alive. Joan Collins? Oh no, that was Joan Rivers. Sorry.

William Hanson 0:15:26 Either works.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:28 I was gonna say, Joan Rivers from the front.

William Hanson 0:15:31 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:32 Towards the end of her life. Because how old was she when she died?

William Hanson 0:15:35 80s?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:36 Under the knife of a plastic surgeon.

William Hanson 0:15:37 Did she die under the knife?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:38 Yeah, she did.

William Hanson 0:15:39 How she would have wanted to go.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:40 Well, let this be a lesson, William.

William Hanson 0:15:42 I haven't had a knife near me.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:44 But she had, um, she, she had had quite a lot of work done. So from the front she looked quite young, but apparently when you saw behind her, it was like the little old lady in Tesco with a shopping trolley from behind, because all of the skin had been bunched up at the back. It's true.

William Hanson 0:16:05 How old was she when she died?

Speaker A 0:16:06 Uh, 81.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:16:07 81.

William Hanson 0:16:08 There we go.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:16:08 There's no age nowadays.

William Hanson 0:16:10 No.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:16:10 No.

William Hanson 0:16:12 Well, cling on.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:16:12 Yeah, thanks. So it's been quite a stressful week, to be honest. Bless you.

William Hanson 0:16:17 Sounds like you need a break.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:16:18 Oh, well, funny you say that.

William Hanson 0:16:20 Well, tell me all, all about your holiday. It's coming up in a couple of weeks, isn't it?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:16:23 It is, yes.

William Hanson 0:16:25 It's very exciting for you.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:16:26 Can't wait.

William Hanson 0:16:27 It's this little reconnaissance visit ahead of my state visit.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:16:30 Yeah, so I'm going to, uh, Fragiliana/Nerja, um, and, uh, what's rather entertaining is that Rodrigo— say hello, Rodrigo! Hola! Rodrigo is going to be there as well.

William Hanson 0:16:45 Nice.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:16:45 So, I'm going to take Rodrigo up the Mercadona before I take you up there.

William Hanson 0:16:49 Lovely. Rodrigo, you can tell me if it's worth it. To paraphrase one of our favourite comedians, you can recreate hamster teeth for him.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:17:02 Yes.

William Hanson 0:17:04 Yes?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:17:04 Yeah. What do you mean?

William Hanson 0:17:06 Should we go for a break?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:27 Welcome back, Bucketheads! We're going to read your questions now, so let's dive into our heaving bags of post. Do remember, if there's something on your mind that needs a luxury touch, postman@luxurypodcast.co.uk is the place for your queries and your questions.

William Hanson 0:19:42 This first one is from Jessica. Dearest William and Jonathan, I'm writing to you in need of desperate help regarding an upcoming trip with some friends. I had made plans with friends to visit Barcelona over summer for a short city break. Eager to commit to the event, I confirmed my attendance and put in my annual leave request. I optimistically began browsing apartments which definitely appeared to be up to and above British standards. Therefore, you can imagine my horror when my friends agreed that a hostel was an appropriate accommodation and proceeded to book this immediately.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:20:08 Oh.

William Hanson 0:20:08 I would consider myself a better class of person, and I typically only frequent establishments which are a minimum of 4 stars or above. Please, can you advise on how I can make this hostel experience more luxurious while sharing a room and bathrooms with 9 other ladies for 3 nights? I will very much be out of my comfort zone. However, I do want to ensure I can try to enjoy myself to the fullest whilst mingling with the commoners. P.S., myself and my mum, Alison, are huge fans of the podcast and enjoy the intergenerational listening experience. We eagerly await the next Luxury Life.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:20:39 Oh!

William Hanson 0:20:39 Well, you're in luck. Many thanks, Jessica.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:20:45 Well, have you ever stayed in a youth hostel?

William Hanson 0:20:47 No.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:20:47 I have.

William Hanson 0:20:48 Have you?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:20:49 Might surprise you to learn, many years ago.

William Hanson 0:20:51 Well, naturally.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:20:52 And it was when I— none taken. It was when I was at school.

William Hanson 0:20:59 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:20:59 We went on a, on a band trip. And—

William Hanson 0:21:03 Why was it banned?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:03 It wasn't until we went on it. And I had to stay in a youth hostel and it was absolutely awful.

William Hanson 0:21:14 Is this the trip where you had the accident? No, that was another one.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:19 Oh, it was another one. But same group of people, really.

William Hanson 0:21:23 Right.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:23 But yes, it was a youth hostel and there was a, there was a young chap who was sleeping on the bunk above me because everyone sleeps in bunks and he had a dry skin condition.

William Hanson 0:21:35 Oh.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:35 And every morning, I awoke to him, uh, sitting on the edge of the bed having a scratch.

William Hanson 0:21:41 A scratch?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:43 He was having a scratch. Yeah, it wasn't much fun. So, I don't think there's any way you can make a youth hostel luxury. It's just absolutely— No.

William Hanson 0:21:52 Feign illness, don't go on the trip.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:53 No, exactly. Stay well away.

William Hanson 0:21:55 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:56 I wouldn't stay now. I'd rather— and I know finances are different for everyone, But call me old-fashioned, I'd rather stay at home than go anywhere less than a 4-star.

William Hanson 0:22:07 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:07 I'm just not staying anywhere less than a 4-star.

William Hanson 0:22:10 You could take your own pillow. That potentially is the only thing you could do, Jessica.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:15 You could. And maybe a Spanish spritz.

William Hanson 0:22:18 Yes. Oh, your own pillow and a pillow protector as well.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:21 Definitely.

William Hanson 0:22:21 I mean, if you're taking your own pillow, you presumably have all the stuff on it. Or if you can't take your own pillow, at least take a pillow protector, because it's amazing how many hotels don't have them. And I don't want to cast aspersions on hostels when I've never stayed there, But I'm probably gonna bet—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:36 But I assume in a youth hostel, you'd be sleeping in a big room with strangers. Ugh.

William Hanson 0:22:40 It's my idea of hell.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:41 Can you imagine? Oh, it'd just be awful.

William Hanson 0:22:45 In all seriousness, in this day and age, with all the stuff that you hear and the awful stuff that you hear in the news, I am genuinely surprised youth hostels are still going.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:53 Well, quite.

William Hanson 0:22:55 It's a recipe for disaster.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:56 It is.

William Hanson 0:22:57 I would imagine when we're sitting here— well, when I'm sitting here in 50 years, I suspect They would have all been banned. They would have all been banned. Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:23:04 Jessica, make an excuse and don't go.

William Hanson 0:23:06 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:23:06 It sounds awful. Joe's been in touch, William. Says, hi William and Jonathan, just a quick one from me. What's the etiquette for asking a lady her natural hair colour?

William Hanson 0:23:17 Is this after we asked Sadie this?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:23:19 Best, Joe.

William Hanson 0:23:21 Although I didn't. I did.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:23:22 What did you say again?

William Hanson 0:23:24 You—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:23:25 it was when I said that you could be played by Rupert Grint.

Speaker O 0:23:29 I think I offered up the natural hair colour myself.

William Hanson 0:23:32 Yes. Which is fine, which is what I would say is fine. Yeah. I don't think you can ask male, female, whatever, natural hair colour.

Speaker O 0:23:38 I think you could say, was your hair the same colour as a child? And see if they bite.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:23:43 Do the curtains match the carpet? Yes. The drapes.

William Hanson 0:23:48 There's a Dame Edna joke. I'm sure there's— I'm paraphrasing here. You could ask them to do naked cartwheels. Yeah, I just don't think you can, Joe.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:24:09 Why do you need to know? But why not? What's the problem with that?

William Hanson 0:24:14 But why do you need to know?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:24:15 Well, if I said to you, oh, I like your— I do like your hair colour. Is it natural? What's wrong with that?

William Hanson 0:24:21 Well, true, but I mean, it depends how natural the hair looks.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:24:27 Right.

William Hanson 0:24:28 If it's like, you know, electric blue, Mrs. Slocombe blue, you can't really go, what's the—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:24:33 By the way, while we're talking about hair colour, can I say something controversial?

William Hanson 0:24:38 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:24:38 And this is directed at male Bucketheads, not female Bucketheads.

William Hanson 0:24:44 Okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:24:44 Please, men, Don't dye your hair. Please do not try and dye the grey out of your hair. You're fooling nobody. It looks like you've covered your hair in shoe polish. It is not a convincing colour. Don't do it.

William Hanson 0:24:59 You mean if they've got black hair or dark, very dark hair?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:25:02 Well, cinnamon sage. Do you remember in Frasier— Cinnamon sable. Sable, that's right. Do you remember when Marty Crane dyes his hair brown? It's just whenever a man dyes his hair, I just think it's so obvious.

William Hanson 0:25:17 Yeah, I mean, I think if you are going to do it— I mean, we're lucky because we're both fair, so it hides greys, etc., um, more or less. And I—

Speaker O 0:25:28 Ollie said, Jonathan, you're looking very blonde.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:25:31 Which Sadie thought was hilarious. You're one of those blonde tips.

William Hanson 0:25:41 But I— if you're going to dye your hair, I think you have to start immediately, sooner rather than later, before you start getting greys, because that's how it then hides it. It's when you are like Marti Crane in Frasier, you are grey, and then you choose to go to another colour, it looks ridiculous.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:25:57 But being grey for a man is absolutely lovely.

William Hanson 0:26:02 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:02 And men need to accept this.

William Hanson 0:26:05 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:05 There is absolutely nothing wrong with going grey as a man. You look lovely. Arguably, there's nothing wrong with going grey as a woman.

William Hanson 0:26:11 No.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:12 You just need to have, in my view, the right cut.

William Hanson 0:26:14 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:14 And it needs to be the right grey.

William Hanson 0:26:16 Right.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:16 You know.

William Hanson 0:26:17 And there have been some very distinguished men with grey hair. Philip Schofield. Hugh Edwards. What's wrong with it?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:39 George Clooney?

William Hanson 0:26:40 Yep. There's nothing wrong with George Clooney. He's got questionable taste in what makes good coffee, but other than that, he's fine.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:47 Anyway, for goodness' sake, go grey.

William Hanson 0:26:52 This is from Emma. Dear William and Jonathan, on a recent visit to a dear friend in Southeast London, I found myself enthusiastically pressing your podcast at Praising your podcast.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:27:02 Praising your podcast. Thought we'd get that over with.

William Hanson 0:27:05 And confessing to being something of a devotee of your weekly musings. When my friend inquired as to the subject matter, I offered as an example Jonathan's well-documented appreciation for Spanish cleaning products, at which point her eyes widened with theatrical delight as she quite literally sprang from her chair. In a state of excitement, she revealed only a few doors down from her own residence lies an emporium dedicated entirely to Spanish cleaning products. She had often wondered whether such a niche establishment could possibly thrive entirely unaware of the cult-like reverence these products command in certain more discerning circles. We took a brief promenade to admire the premises.

William Hanson 0:27:41 It shut on Sunday, so I couldn't go in, but I can confirm with great pleasure that the window display features many of the very products he so elegantly champions on the podcast, presented in all their fragrant glory. For your reference, this establishment is called Scents of España, located at 53 Chatterton Village, Bromley. Their Instagram is @scentsofespaniauk. I've attached photographs of the shop front, and I'm already looking forward to returning for a proper visit next time in the area. With warmest regards and an ever-growing curiosity for Spanish detergents, Emma.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:28:11 Fantastic.

William Hanson 0:28:13 Look, and there is a photograph.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:28:15 There it is. Wow.

William Hanson 0:28:17 Gorgeous.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:28:18 Spanish cleaning products.

William Hanson 0:28:21 A Sevi.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:28:22 Look, they've got the Las Tres Brujas in the window. They do.

William Hanson 0:28:26 I can see a Sevi. I can't quite make out the other ones.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:28:30 There's, uh, there's the nice Roma, uh, fabric softener. That's lovely in the capodomassa here.

William Hanson 0:28:36 I can't see a trodger though.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:28:38 There's no trodger. There's some floor. There's floor. There's a bit of Nanuko over there. Oh, and Rodrigo, guess what there is? Tulipán negro.

William Hanson 0:28:58 Now he gets it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:29:02 Yes, Roderick. Anonymous has been attached with you.

William Hanson 0:29:12 I wish I was coming on your holiday. That's a very—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:29:21 I'm so hot. Anonymous says, dear gentlemen, we are a family of 4 living in NYC. That's New York City. And we, we have a clutter problem. I've taken to stacking storage bins and covering them with tablecloths to both craft side tables and hide our belongings. It's a practical solution, but it does not feel luxurious. Sadly, we have average ceilings, thus limiting our shelving space. Renting additional storage is not an option for us either. If anybody can elevate our pseudo-furniture, it is you two. I'd love to hear any other unorthodox storage solutions. Move.

William Hanson 0:30:13 Go to Brooklyn.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:30:13 Have you— New Jersey. Have you, uh, sorted out under the bed? I mean, you can get a lot under a bed.

William Hanson 0:30:20 Yeah. Um, um, on top of—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:30:24 Top of a wardrobe.

William Hanson 0:30:26 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:30:26 With some smart boxes.

William Hanson 0:30:28 Yes, with nice labels.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:30:29 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:30:31 Fabric canvas, I would say, so you can't see the clutter inside rather than sort of see-through Perspex.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:30:36 An ottoman or some furniture that has storage inside. Something like that.

William Hanson 0:30:40 But other than that— or you can also— I mean, if clothes— clothes take up an awful lot of space, and I'm tempted to do with our clothes, or my clothes— I can't do it with Mike's clothes— but the trick where— I mean, I assume you're like me, all the hangers hang one way.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:30:54 Oh yes, yes.

William Hanson 0:30:55 But then what you do is, on the stuff you then start to wear, you put it back with the hangers the other way, and then after a month or 2, you have a look at what items of clothing you have not actually touched and have a clear out. And then you go, well, I'll get rid of them. Other than, let's say, well, I'm not wearing that because it's the height of summer, and then have a clear out. And I might do that because I'm convinced I could get rid of loads.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:31:16 That's a good idea.

William Hanson 0:31:17 Yeah, so you could do that if it's a clothes issue.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:31:20 Well, isn't that lovely? What a gorgeous episode this has been.

William Hanson 0:31:25 A lovely, lovely episode.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:31:27 What fun we've had. That's more than enough luxury for this week. We will, of course, be back next Wednesday.

William Hanson 0:31:32 Got a great topic on Wednesday.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:31:34 What are we going to be talking about? Don't tell everyone.

William Hanson 0:31:42 No, it's funny.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:31:42 Let's leave it as a surprise.

William Hanson 0:31:45 All I'll say is my brother suggested this.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:31:48 Yes, and you won't want to miss it. But for now, goodbye.