Tracking Thieves and a Whiffy Tube Ride

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:01:27 Hello and welcome to The Luxury Podcast. My name is Jonathan Vernon-Smith, and with me is William Hanson. This is the podcast that helps you live a more luxury life.

William Hanson 0:01:37 Hello, Jonathan. I'm here to help you create the everyday moments of luxury that make life worth living, whatever your budget.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:01:42 So, welcome to another bonus episode of The Luxury Podcast, where William and I will trade tips and stories, From our own luxury lifestyles, as well as delving into our lovely great big male sacks. Yes. So, William, have you had a fantastic week?

William Hanson 0:01:57 I have, and to top it all, I finished off your Todger.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:01 You finished my Todger?

William Hanson 0:02:03 Finally.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:04 That was quite quick, actually. Was it? Yeah. I thought that would keep you going till Christmas.

William Hanson 0:02:07 Inna de Bravia is still going.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:09 Oh yeah, that'll see you out.

William Hanson 0:02:10 Yeah, I mean, La Todger is pretty big, that bottle.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:13 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:02:14 But the Lataudja shower gel, finished.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:16 You've— you're all done.

William Hanson 0:02:17 Adios.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:17 Ready to restock in Frigg?

William Hanson 0:02:19 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:20 Lovely. Well, we'll get you suitably— I'll have to take you to Dia.

William Hanson 0:02:24 No.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:25 For Lataudja.

William Hanson 0:02:26 Well, oh, oh, do they not sell it in Mercadona?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:28 Um, I don't know that they do. I don't know.

William Hanson 0:02:32 And remind me, Mercadona, is that the Waitrose equivalent? What's the Waitrose equivalent?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:36 Yeah, kind of. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Bijou Waitrose.

William Hanson 0:02:39 Okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:39 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:02:40 Yeah, no, well, anyway, so that's all finished. So thank you again for that.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:43 You're very, very welcome.

William Hanson 0:02:44 Means I'm now gonna have to go back to Enidoprassia.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:46 Right.

William Hanson 0:02:47 In between the odd bit of cowshed.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:49 That's not a torture, is it? No. Lovely smell. What are you talking about? It's a lovely smell.

William Hanson 0:02:55 But I think—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:55 All over my body today.

William Hanson 0:02:57 I think I've got it on me today.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:58 Yes, that's why we smell so fresh.

William Hanson 0:03:00 Fresh. Makes you feel fresh.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:02 Fresh. We're both fresh today.

William Hanson 0:03:05 And then very sadly, of course, last week we lost Dolly.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:10 Dolly Parton. Dear old Dolly.

William Hanson 0:03:11 Were you very sad?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:12 Yes, it's terrible. Yeah. Nice person, Dolly Parton.

William Hanson 0:03:15 Yeah, good egg.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:15 Good egg. Did a lot for charity. Gave money for the vaccine.

William Hanson 0:03:20 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:21 During COVID didn't she? Yeah. Tried to do her bit.

William Hanson 0:03:24 She did do a bit. And very good with literacy as well.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:26 And she came out with some cracking bangers.

William Hanson 0:03:28 Yes. What was your favourite?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:30 Um, what's the burning one? I love the burning one.

William Hanson 0:03:33 Baby I'm Burning.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:35 Baby I'm Burning. Hang on, we've got it. Da da da da da. That's it. Good and goey, isn't it? Very good and goey. Absolute classic on the dance floor. That's it.

William Hanson 0:03:45 Jonathan's throwing some shapes. That's it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:48 Yep. Wiping sister. Oh!

William Hanson 0:03:58 Lovely. We're so in sync. I felt a bit bad because she died, and I spent A couple of days singing 9 to 5 until I realised I was singing the Sheena Easton

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:14 version. Really?

William Hanson 0:04:19 Genuinely. And I couldn't find it. My baby takes the morning train. He works from 9 to 5 again. I felt, what a bad gay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:32 Oh, that's not ideal, is it really?

William Hanson 0:04:36 I was singing it in front of someone as well. They said, what are you singing that for? I said, Dolly, she's dead.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:40 Yeah, terrible. What a legacy. Yeah. What a legacy she leaves.

William Hanson 0:04:45 Now, this weekend.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:47 Yes.

William Hanson 0:04:47 Are you free to come and drill me for my potatoes?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:50 I think I should be able to, yeah.

William Hanson 0:04:52 Well, just so you let me know.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:53 I've got my gundog training. You need me to come down to you, do you?

William Hanson 0:04:59 I don't mind. My thing could come to you.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:02 I'm just wondering whether—

William Hanson 0:05:03 Bring my tinted window car?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:04 You, well, you could, and I could do a luxury lunch on the Kamado.

William Hanson 0:05:09 Oh,

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:11 although I don't think the weather's going to be very nice, but I mean, that's no obstacle.

William Hanson 0:05:14 I could do a luxury lunch on the, uh, FlexFlame.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:17 Oh, you could, yeah, yeah, quite.

William Hanson 0:05:19 Got options.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:19 Uh, yeah, well, I've got a new, a new something actually that I did on my Kamado the other day that I could whip up for you.

William Hanson 0:05:25 Okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:26 I was thinking I might, I might do it for the intergenerational.

William Hanson 0:05:29 Okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:30 I might pop a picanha on.

William Hanson 0:05:32 What's a picanha?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:33 A picanha. Oh, it's lovely. It's a rump cap. Rodrigo, have you heard of picanha? No. Oh, it's, um, it's from Brazil, really.

William Hanson 0:05:46 Oh.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:47 It's a rump cap.

William Hanson 0:05:48 Well, he's from Peru.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:50 My— I know, but South America. So, I got, I got my butcher to cut it off. Off the beast.

William Hanson 0:05:57 How do I spell it? I'm going to Google it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:59 No, I can show you my picanha.

William Hanson 0:06:00 Oh!

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:00 The only slight problem is I took a photo of my picanha because I was proud of how I'd got it all prepared. But one of my colleagues did point out, and I didn't have my glasses on at the time while I was prepping it, but there is a large Labrador hair on it. I've gone off you. There's my picanha.

William Hanson 0:06:21 Oh, it's gonna make me— is this cooked?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:23 No, that's raw.

William Hanson 0:06:25 Oh God, yeah, look at that hair.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:26 Look at the size of that Labrador hair.

William Hanson 0:06:29 Did you remove that before you cooked it?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:31 No, I didn't know it was there.

William Hanson 0:06:32 Oh, Jonathan.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:33 It would have burnt on the barbecue. Anyway, it's my dog. If I want to eat my dog hair, I'll eat my dog hair.

William Hanson 0:06:40 Oh, you've gone a bit Korean, haven't you?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:42 That is— look at that though. It is quite bad hair, isn't it? Look at it.

William Hanson 0:06:46 It is awful.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:46 Yeah, I didn't see it, but I was giving it a dry brine

William Hanson 0:06:51 Right. Is that where you have to rub it?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:53 No, the— I bought this special tray. I love my new barbecue tray. See that tray?

William Hanson 0:06:58 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:58 And then you put your meat on top.

William Hanson 0:07:00 Okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:01 Cover it in salt, pop it in the fridge overnight.

William Hanson 0:07:04 Okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:05 Or a few hours.

William Hanson 0:07:06 And that's called a dry brine?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:07 Dry brine. What happens is it, um, it takes the moisture out so that what you're then left with is a beautiful tender cut of meat.

William Hanson 0:07:16 Okay. Do you not want it to be moist or not?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:18 It is moist inside.

William Hanson 0:07:20 Okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:20 But it takes the moisture off the surface. So you get a nice kind of crispy crust on your meat, and then inside is delicate and moist. Lovely. Lovely. So, um, I did, I did that. I've got a photo of it on while I was cooking it. Oh, look there.

William Hanson 0:07:38 Oh yeah, look at that.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:39 Does that look

William Hanson 0:07:40 nice? Yeah, it's a video.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:41 And then, uh, when I—

William Hanson 0:07:42 Can we put these photos up on our Luxury Members' Club?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:44 Yeah, of course we can. That was it while it was cooking. See my crust?

William Hanson 0:07:47 Yeah. Now hang on, you're gonna have to do 2 of those, surely?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:50 Yeah, yeah, I will. And then that was it sliced with some chimichurri sauce over the top.

William Hanson 0:07:54 Now, hang on.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:55 What?

William Hanson 0:07:55 Now, you stop. Now, you've told me before, sauce with steak, if it's a good quality cut of meat, you don't need a sauce.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:02 This is rump cap.

William Hanson 0:08:03 Is it good or bad?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:06 Well, the way I cooked it was delicious.

William Hanson 0:08:09 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:09 But it's not a fillet steak.

William Hanson 0:08:11 Okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:11 It's a bigger chunk of— it's like a roast joint, really.

William Hanson 0:08:15 Okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:16 So, I would say a little bit of chimichurri certainly pepped it up.

William Hanson 0:08:20 Right.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:20 But I did think maybe for the intergenerational, I could get a couple of picanhas. Yeah. It's a bit like a brisket.

William Hanson 0:08:27 There are 6 picanhas coming.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:29 It's a bit like a brisket, but smaller and easier to cook, you see.

William Hanson 0:08:33 Okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:33 So I'm less worried that I'll muck it up.

William Hanson 0:08:35 Yes. And you won't need to get up to mop your meat.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:37 No, I don't need to mop the meat. No, it only takes about an hour to cook it.

William Hanson 0:08:40 Okay, right.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:41 So I thought I could do that.

William Hanson 0:08:42 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:43 Serve it up with some, you know, some of my luxury crushed potatoes.

William Hanson 0:08:47 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:47 Oh yeah.

William Hanson 0:08:48 And which of the cooked puddings are you doing?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:51 Well, I like the roulade.

William Hanson 0:08:53 Yeah, true.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:54 I do like the roulade.

William Hanson 0:08:55 I mean, if you're doing— if you've got 6 of us, you could do 2 puddings. You could do a choice, couldn't you?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:00 Could do that.

William Hanson 0:09:01 Although Mikey would just be happy with strawberries or fruit or something.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:04 Oh, okay. Yeah, he wants fruit.

William Hanson 0:09:06 Probably.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:07 Right. Okay, well, I'll get that sorted out. And then a bit of Häagen-Dazs, as we now know it's pronounced.

William Hanson 0:09:14 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:15 A little bit of that with the roulade. I think it'd be very nice.

William Hanson 0:09:18 First course?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:19 Oh, really?

William Hanson 0:09:20 No, no, I didn't do one. Mustard? No, no, no, no.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:22 I can't be bothered.

William Hanson 0:09:23 Chips and dips or something.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:25 Chips and dips, absolutely. Maybe a few of my friend Sarah's sausages.

William Hanson 0:09:30 Oh, and—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:32 Her honey mustard sausages are a dream.

William Hanson 0:09:35 What else can you get? Think. What do we all like? You give it as house gifts.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:46 Hang on.

William Hanson 0:09:46 Think—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:47 Give me a clue.

William Hanson 0:09:49 Think Dolly Parton.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:49 Dolly Parton.

William Hanson 0:09:52 Baps.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:53 Oh.

William Hanson 0:09:54 Barb's Baps.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:55 You want me to do Barb's Baps?

William Hanson 0:09:56 Well, I don't want you to do Barb's Baps.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:58 For the starter!

William Hanson 0:09:59 I want Barb to do Barb's Baps.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:00 Barb's Baps!

William Hanson 0:10:02 Chips and dips.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:03 Chips and dips. Maybe a little bit of gooey Camembert.

William Hanson 0:10:06 Delicious.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:06 Oh, lovely. There we go. It's all cranked. And lashings of Malbec.

William Hanson 0:10:10 Oh, of course.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:11 Oh yeah.

William Hanson 0:10:12 Goes without saying.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:12 Yeah. Great.

William Hanson 0:10:14 I don't know who's going to be driving. Who's going to be— I mean, not me.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:16 Not you, I hope.

William Hanson 0:10:17 No, but you know, for the others. No, I mean, Mikey can drive. We can fit.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:21 Well, Mikey likes a drink now though, doesn't he?

William Hanson 0:10:23 He does. Yeah, he does.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:25 Well, why don't you get a luxury car to take you home?

William Hanson 0:10:30 Jonathan is referring to an incident that happened when we were recording last, where we— Jonathan and I both tried to get home. The Thameslink was down, At the same time that the Elizabeth Line was down.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:42 It was— all of the train lines were down. It was Armageddon. I was trapped in London.

William Hanson 0:10:46 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:47 I started to have a panic attack.

William Hanson 0:10:48 And I was trapped with you.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:49 If I know I can't get out of London, I start to panic.

William Hanson 0:10:52 Yes. So I said, because the Elizabeth Line was sort of down but not fully down—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:56 No.

William Hanson 0:10:57 I said, there's one train that's going west. So we— We won't

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:01 worry

William Hanson 0:11:01 about the village people. And I said, right, come with me, and we'll go west, and then you can get a car. 'Cause we looked at getting you a car from here in central London. Yeah. Very expensive. And long.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:17 Right.

William Hanson 0:11:17 I thought at least if you go west, you're quite near, and it will be half the time.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:22 Great idea, until we then got trapped on the Tube.

William Hanson 0:11:24 We managed to get to—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:25 Was it an hour and 20 minutes or something on the Tube?

William Hanson 0:11:27 Standing.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:28 Standing up.

William Hanson 0:11:29 Pressed up against each other. And my former neighbour, Dom.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:32 He's very nice, by the way. He was very nice.

William Hanson 0:11:34 He's gorgeous. He's lovely.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:34 Did you smell that woman near us?

William Hanson 0:11:36 Yeah. There was a whiffy woman, wasn't there? I was a whiffy woman.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:39 I had to keep sniffing her all the way. I thought, oh, you are a whiffy woman.

William Hanson 0:11:43 Anyway, we then got off at a Tube stop that was not even our Tube stop.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:47 Acton! Acton! Who's ever been to Acton?

William Hanson 0:11:51 Well, we have now.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:52 We've been to Acton.

William Hanson 0:11:53 Yes. And we— I ordered— I said, right, I've had enough of this. I will order an Uber from Acton.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:00 And you were going to get it to take you home.

William Hanson 0:12:02 Stop 1, me.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:02 Yeah. And then I was gonna stay in the car, and it was going to drive me back to, uh, the comfortable home in Hertfordshire.

William Hanson 0:12:11 Well, you— no, actually, to the train station, because you had left your car at the train station.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:14 That's right. Um, so we dropped you off, and as you got out, you know, you kind of staggered out the car.

William Hanson 0:12:21 I, I'd hardly been drinking.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:23 Off you went. And as we drove away, the driver, he turned to me and he said, was that the, um, was that that bloke, uh, you know, the etiquette guy? And I said, yes, yes, William Hanson. He said, oh, he said, I thought it was him. I could hear him talking to you in the back of the car. I thought it was him. I said, yeah, yeah, that's him. I said, in fact, it's lucky because he arrived in a very big BMW, didn't he?

William Hanson 0:12:47 That's very nice. Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:48 It was a 5 Series.

William Hanson 0:12:49 Oh, was it?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:50 It was a 5 Series BMW, leather seats, very executive. And I said to him, it's lucky you pulled up in this car. You know, if you turned up in a Prius, I don't think he would have been very happy. And he said, well, he did order this car.

William Hanson 0:13:04 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:05 I said, what do you mean he ordered this car? He said, well, you can get 2 lots of cars. He said, you can get either the—

William Hanson 0:13:11 UberX.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:12 The what?

William Hanson 0:13:13 UberX.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:14 UberX.

William Hanson 0:13:14 That's the standard baseline model.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:15 Oh, is that the baseline?

William Hanson 0:13:16 That's the Prius.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:17 Yeah. An UberX, or you can get the Executive or the Luxe. I noticed you didn't push the boat out and get the Luxe.

William Hanson 0:13:28 No.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:28 When he told me that I could have had a Lux to drive me back, which apparently is a 7 Series BMW or a big Mercedes.

William Hanson 0:13:35 Yes. Well, I'll put you in a Lux one day.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:37 Right. But anyway, he was very nice, and if he's listening to— he promised he'd listen to the podcast.

William Hanson 0:13:44 Mm. Oh, did he? Hello.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:47 Yes. Hello, hello, lovely Uber driver.

William Hanson 0:13:48 In fact, we can probably find his name.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:50 Rescued us.

William Hanson 0:13:50 Yes, he did rescue us, and I was very glad that I got home all in one piece.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:55 So was I. I was absolutely exhausted that night. 10 o'clock I got home.

William Hanson 0:14:00 I had a very strong martini. Hang on, how do you do rides? Is he? Oh, activity. It's under activity. It'll be the most expensive one. Yeah, that was it. Oh, it's not too bad actually. That wasn't too bad. Omer. Hello, Omer.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:29 Omar!

William Hanson 0:14:30 Omer. O-M-E-R.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:32 Oh, Omer.

William Hanson 0:14:34 Omer.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:34 Omer. As in Homer Simpson.

William Hanson 0:14:36 Yes. Omer goodness.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:38 Oh my goodness. Omer, thank you for rescuing us.

William Hanson 0:14:42 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:42 And I hope you got back to your luxury home in Watford.

William Hanson 0:14:44 Now, we've had a bit— I've had a bit of drama today.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:47 What's happened?

William Hanson 0:14:47 Well, So, Mikey is currently doing his Marie von Trapp routine in Switzerland, up mountains hiking.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:54 As you do.

William Hanson 0:14:55 Yeah, he's gone hiking. He said, would I like to come? I said, Mikey, how long have we been married? So, he has gone off to do that, and en route to going to— he's gone with a friend— en route to Heathrow, he gets on at our station to go to Heathrow and clearly was getting his AirPods, his earphones, out of his bag, and they dropped out. and on the train. He didn't realise until later on that day.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:19 Oh.

William Hanson 0:15:20 Where he sent me a picture, and they were located— because you can see where they all are— on Bond Street.

William Hanson 0:15:26 So I thought, oh, maybe they've gone on the Elizabeth Line and they're at the lost property office in Bond Street, because he wouldn't have— he's gone west, not east. So I go to the person at Bond Street and I go, could you see if there have been some AirPods handed in, please? He does the thing, no. And I thought, well, it's a bit odd. Anyway, the next thing I know, Mikey says, sends me a new location.

William Hanson 0:15:48 They're 2 streets away from where we live. Ironically, and how's this for weird, right opposite the house where Dom, who we were opposite the train, who we took the train journey with, opposite their house.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:57 So what did you do?

William Hanson 0:15:59 So I went around this morning. I actually went to go and visit Dom and Izzy because Izzy is close to being pregnant. I mean, she is pregnant, close to giving birth.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:16:08 Yeah, yeah,

William Hanson 0:16:08 whatever you call it. And I said, I said, do you think I should go around? I said, would you watch from your window in case anything happens to me?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:16:16 In case you get battered to death?

William Hanson 0:16:17 Yeah. So, I knocked on the door, because it could have been one of two houses. Knocked on one of them, no answer. Knocked on the other one, it was a Ring doorbell.

William Hanson 0:16:27 So, they said, oh, hello. And I said, oh, hello, has anyone actually handed in some AirPods, or have you got AirPods? Because my husband's lost them, and they're showing at this property, or they were last— actually, they were— it's a bit of a lie, because they were then being shown way out west. But they were seen here yesterday at this property. He said, oh yeah, I think my kids did find some.

William Hanson 0:16:46 Hold on, I'll phone them. Stay there. So, I'm standing on the property, sort of waving back at Izzy and Dom, who are watching me from the window, texting them, I don't think I'm being stabbed. So, I thought, fantastic, they've actually found them.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:16:57 Did you say, I'm William Hanson off TikTok?

William Hanson 0:17:00 No, I did not. Anyway, Then one of the daughters, who must have been maybe 17, 18, comes down in her pyjamas. It was 10 o'clock. I was judging.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:17:10 Oh.

William Hanson 0:17:10 And she comes down and she—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:17:11 Broken Britain.

William Hanson 0:17:12 She opens the door. She says, oh yeah, no, my mum found them in a bush.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:17:16 Oh yeah.

William Hanson 0:17:17 Okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:17:18 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:17:19 She took— she put them in her pocket and took them to work. She works in Bond Street. That's why they're in Bond Street.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:17:24 Right.

William Hanson 0:17:24 And then— and I mean, I could have grotted her at this point. She went, and then she brought them home. We didn't know what to do. So, we just put them on the wall outside our house.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:17:34 What?

William Hanson 0:17:35 Bear in mind, it was chucking it down at this point. I'm standing there with my brolly. Ah. And yeah, and then this morning we noticed they were gone, so we just thought someone might have found them.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:17:43 Oh, wow.

William Hanson 0:17:44 Yeah, someone has bloody found them.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:17:46 What a bunch of thieving skanks.

William Hanson 0:17:49 So, Mikey is tracking them. I'm getting updates every morning and afternoon now. I've said I want— because if they come anywhere near where we live, I'm not going out west where they are now. Even though it is still on the train line. But I'm not doing that. But if they're in where we live—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:18:04 If that happens on Sunday, we could go and hunt the pods.

William Hanson 0:18:09 Yes!

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:18:10 Oh, I'd love that.

William Hanson 0:18:11 Great. We can then—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:18:13 We can what? We can what, William? What are you gonna say? What are you gonna say? We could do something awful. What? What?

William Hanson 0:18:25 No. William has ceased to speak.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:18:28 Yeah, we could go looking for the pods.

William Hanson 0:18:35 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:18:36 Oh, lovely. Well, stay tuned, Bucketheads.

William Hanson 0:18:38 Pick up the pods?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:18:39 Yeah, quite.

William Hanson 0:18:41 Yeah. I mean, who does that? Leaves them on a wall? And before people write in—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:18:44 They didn't do that, did they? They've stolen them.

William Hanson 0:18:46 Before people write in, you can, when your phone, your AirPods go missing, There is a function you can click, Report as Lost, and then when someone tries to connect them, it will say, please phone this number, or you can put in an email address or whatever. So, Mikey has done that and put in his phone number,

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:03 right?

William Hanson 0:19:03 But they will still work because you can still connect to someone else's AirPods. But they will still always show, so we will always know where this person is, and we will find you.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:11 Yeah, we will find you, and we will break your legs.

William Hanson 0:19:16 Yeah,

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:16 in the nicest possible luxury way.

William Hanson 0:19:19 Exactly.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:19 We'll break your legs with a cricket bat, not a ball bat for a luxury twist.

William Hanson 0:19:26 Wearing cricket whites.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:27 Exactly. Oh, by the way, William.

William Hanson 0:19:30 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:30 Important news. I've booked the yacht. We're off to Frigg soon. As, as, as regular Bucketheads will know, you've followed this saga. I've booked the yacht.

William Hanson 0:19:43 Well done.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:44 I'm a bit worried. I'm a bit worried because I booked it.

William Hanson 0:19:51 Yes,

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:52 I got it all confirmed, and then I thought I'd better familiarise myself with where we're picking the yacht up from.

William Hanson 0:19:58 Yes, where she's moored.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:20:00 Because I suddenly started thinking, I'm not familiar with a marina in Nurkheim. There's no marina.

William Hanson 0:20:08 Oh God.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:20:09 So, I started looking at where we pick it up, and I went on to Google Street View, and You go down a dusty track.

William Hanson 0:20:20 It's not where my old hotel is.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:20:22 You go down a dusty track, and there in a lockup is a big kind of boat store, and I think they tow you across the sand. They tow you across the sand and then plop you in…

William Hanson 0:20:44 Well, how do we get out?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:20:45 I have no idea, William. I like to think it's going to be an adventure. It's all going to be an adventure.

William Hanson 0:20:54 Jesus Christ.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:20:56 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:20:56 Okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:20:57 All right.

William Hanson 0:20:58 Now, there was me thinking when you told me that you had something to tell me about where we get the boat, that you were going to say, you've hired such a large boat, we have to be towed in a smaller boat out to it to get on it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:08 Well, I assume it is going to be a large boat because I said to them—

William Hanson 0:21:11 What have you actually booked? You've sent me the confirmation. I didn't really actually pay much attention.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:15 I said to the man, I want a yacht. El yoto. What's yacht in Spanish, Rodrigo?

Speaker E 0:21:22 The same, I think.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:24 Yacht. I said, I want a yacht.

Speaker E 0:21:27 I think we say, like, judge.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:29 A judge?

William Hanson 0:21:30 Yacht. Yacht.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:32 A yacht? Yeah. Well, I asked for a yacht, so I'm hoping that we're going to get a yacht.

William Hanson 0:21:38 Did you email me the—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:40 Yes, I did, but don't look it up now, will you? I want to look it up. Let it be a surprise when we get there.

William Hanson 0:21:44 No, I want

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:45 to— ah.

William Hanson 0:21:48 Prize. Reserva Barros in Lisboa, 3 hours.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:51 3 hours, exactly. We're out there 3 hours on our yacht.

William Hanson 0:21:56 Oh, gasolina. You've paid for gasolina.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:00 €70 for the gasolina.

William Hanson 0:22:01 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:02 That gives us ample opportunity to go and explore all the coves.

William Hanson 0:22:06 Doesn't actually show me.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:10 Does it not? Well, I'm sure it's going to be a Big yacht.

William Hanson 0:22:13 Big yacht.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:14 Very, very exclusive yacht.

William Hanson 0:22:16 Contessados.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:17 Let's hope not Contessados. Oh, that would be awful.

William Hanson 0:22:21 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:21 Imagine if we turn up and it's some, you know, skanky old boat. No. No, I'm sure not.

William Hanson 0:22:26 Refuse to board.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:27 Yeah, quite.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:24:32 Welcome back, Bucketheads. We're going to read your questions now, so let's dive back into our heaving bags of post. Do remember, if there's something on your mind that needs a luxury touch, postman@luxurypodcast.co.uk is the place for your queries and your questions. Also, a bit of a reminder, you can watch these episodes, every single one of them, on Patreon. If you just join our Luxury Members Club, head over to luxurypodcast.co.uk to join.

William Hanson 0:25:01 This first one is from Elizabeth. Hello, William and Jonathan. It's me again, Elizabeth Ann of the infamous blancmange bedding scandal.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:25:08 Oh yes. We've got a lot to say to you, Elizabeth.

William Hanson 0:25:12 I'd like to ask you for forgiveness and, with much grovelling and general humiliation, retract my claim that your advice ruined my sheets. After my letter was read out on the podcast today, I went full Juliet Bravo and launched an investigation— possibly something I should have done in the first place— by actually looking at the Ace website. Ace Ultra for whites contains sodium hypochlorite. Ace products containing hypochlorite bleach can produce pink, purple, or red spots if they come into contact with residues of other chemical products such as body creams, sun creams, and after-sun creams. Yes.

William Hanson 0:25:44 Well, the night before washing my bedding, I had applied a generous layer of body lotion all over before getting into bed. I was basically a conger eel.

William Hanson 0:25:54 Conger eel. If conger eels are in fact particularly slippery. So I've come to the conclusion that it was almost certainly my body lotion rather than your advice that was responsible for the disturbing colouration. colour of my bedding. I therefore apologise for what was quite frankly a completely unfounded allegation.

William Hanson 0:26:11 Hope I can be forgiven, and more importantly, that I am still permitted to attend Luxury Live in Manchester. I promise I will leave both the bleach and the accusations at home. With untold embarrassment, Elizabeth.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:22 Well, the thing is, Elizabeth, it's a shame because I gather you gave the sheet away to a friend to use as a dust sheet.

William Hanson 0:26:30 Oh.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:31 Which is a pity.

William Hanson 0:26:32 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:32 Because we had a large number of people saying that it is perfectly possible to remove that pink hue from your sheets.

William Hanson 0:26:39 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:40 You just wash it again and hang it in direct sunlight, apparently, and the pink goes.

William Hanson 0:26:44 Well, and Sam, are you familiar with the work of a lady called Anne Russell?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:48 Well, I'm not, but I gather she's a big fan of yours.

William Hanson 0:26:52 Yeah, I don't— I mean, I think I've had beef with her on Sexted over What Is He, was it?

Speaker H 0:26:58 The temperature at which you wash things.

William Hanson 0:27:00 The temperature at which you wash things. Yeah. Anne Russell is a TikToker.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:27:05 Well—

William Hanson 0:27:05 I don't quite know who she is other than a TikToker.

Speaker H 0:27:07 Yeah, she just TikToks about cleaning.

William Hanson 0:27:09 She just does TikToks about cleaning, which is fantastic. We're all for it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:27:11 But she has a wonderful disparaging tone to her voice.

Speaker H 0:27:14 I wanted to follow one of your laundry tips. I put some Ace—

William Hanson 0:27:17 This is called a stitch.

Speaker H 0:27:18 Into the dispenser drawer, exactly as instructed.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:27:22 That's me, by the way.

Speaker H 0:27:23 I'm worried about where this is going. Yeah, thank you. There was nothing else in the wash apart from the white duvet cover and sheets. And look what's happened. Look what's happened. They've turned. Oh dear, William. Not such a laundry expert now, hmm?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:27:50 Now— The tone of her voice!

William Hanson 0:27:53 I don't know if Anne is blind, but that— or indeed deaf— but that is you that was speaking for that. I said nothing in that clip.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:27:59 No.

William Hanson 0:27:59 So yes, and indeed Ace4Wights, you got me on too.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:28:03 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:28:04 So, Anne Russell, all opprobrium directed at Jonathan Vernon Smith.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:28:08 Well, William, you're not such a nice fella now, are you?

William Hanson 0:28:12 Anyway, she's very good. You can go and watch her video. It hasn't got many likes, but you can get—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:28:19 But I think that's on

William Hanson 0:28:21 us, not her. Um, Anne Russell, she/her on the old Instagram. Yeah, AnneRussell03, the English cleaner lady, hopefully being helpful. She's— oh, she's got 3 million, so that's very good.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:28:33 3 million followers?

William Hanson 0:28:35 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:28:35 Oh, Anne, you're a big deal. Jim's been in touch. Hello, William and Jonathan. I'm not sure how it began, But I'm an American who's fascinated by all things British.

William Hanson 0:28:48 How novel.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:28:49 Oh, perhaps from watching Britcoms on our public broadcasting service decades ago. Because of my anglophobia— oh no, hang on, anglophilia. Is that anglophilia?

William Hanson 0:29:02 Anglophilia?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:29:02 Anglophilia cock-a-lot. Because of my— because of my—

William Hanson 0:29:07 I wish you'd stop. Only after a children's double-hung.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:29:14 Because of my Anglophilia, I follow many members of the royal family on social media. I recently watched a clip of a BBC Radio 5 interview with the Duchess of Edinburgh, where she told a story about the late Queen Elizabeth II and constantly referred to her as Her Majesty. My question is this: does one refer to a deceased monarch as His or Her Majesty for all time? Is there a time limit? Far be it for me to correct Her Royal Highness, but it just clanged in my ears. Help me properly discuss the role dead, would you? Says Jim from Dallas.

William Hanson 0:29:55 Well, over to you.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:29:58 It's Her Late Majesty you refer Why am I answering?

William Hanson 0:30:03 No, I was being ironic.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:30:06 Right. Well, I know the answer. It's Her Late Majesty.

William Hanson 0:30:09 You can say Her Late Majesty. I mean, I think in that clip— I know I watched, in fact, I remember watching because I think Sophie Wessex, as she used to be, Sophie Edinburgh now, um, is phenomenal.

William Hanson 0:30:18 I remember sending that to Mikey, that clip, so I watched it. Um, she was talking about a story when the Queen was alive, so you could say, at the time she was, and then Her Majesty did this, and then Her Majesty did that. You could, you could say either. Or the late Queen did this, you could say. But there is a point— I mean, whether you're a queen or not, when do you stop being late?

William Hanson 0:30:41 Like, we don't say the late Queen Mother because she died years ago, or you don't go, well, the late Henry VIII.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:30:46 No.

William Hanson 0:30:46 Because— so, at some point, you've got to stop. I would say Queen Elizabeth is— which is now how we style the late Queen, um, the late Queen Regnant— it Probably for the next couple of years, you can probably still say late, but then after that, I think when it gets to 10 years, absolutely forget it. You can't say later then anymore. But that's an unofficial thing. That's just a gut instinct. I write about this at length in Just Good Manners.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:31:09 I was going to say, you've set him off now, Jim. Well done. Hang on. Oh God.

William Hanson 0:31:18 Oh no, this is the dummy book. Could you pass the one behind? That's the Ameri— so, in fact, Jim, I will quote from the American edition because this is the American edition. It's in— it's towards the back. It's in—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:31:35 Is that the one I'm mentioned in?

William Hanson 0:31:37 You're mentioned in both.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:31:38 Am I?

William Hanson 0:31:39 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:31:39 But aren't I mentioned more in one than the other?

William Hanson 0:31:42 The British paperback, you're more in.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:31:43 Oh, good.

William Hanson 0:31:44 Yeah, we updated. I've also found a way to get you into my upcoming novel.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:31:48 Upcoming novel!

William Hanson 0:31:53 There are some Easter eggs for both Bucketheads and Gene Devas that I've put in.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:31:58 Okay.

William Hanson 0:31:59 Yes, 229 is the page reference. Know Your Queens. And there's a whole section there. 2 pages actually, I managed to get out of that.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:32:08 Wow.

William Hanson 0:32:08 So there we go. I won't read it to you now, but it's—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:32:10 Lovely. Would you like me to put it back on the—

William Hanson 0:32:12 No, put it there.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:32:13 Just put it there for all of our Patreon Luxury members.

William Hanson 0:32:19 We've gone— actually, I was very— Mikey and I went to a bookshop in Chicago. It was the new opening of a new Barnes& Noble. We went on day one because we're that sort of person, and I was very pleased to see that they have the stocking, the paperback edition of Just Good Manners US, blue cover, not a red cover.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:32:37 Very smart. Yes. Do you want to read Graham's?

William Hanson 0:32:40 Oh, yes. Graham says, I know that many young men seem to sport beards and moustaches, nowadays, but the chore of shaving for the rest of us can only be made better by some luxury advice. Personally, you won't be surprised to know I like shaving soap and a shaving brush, being both classic and very economical. Controversial question: are moustaches classy? I remember attending my son's parents' evening during the period of Movember.

William Hanson 0:33:04 I was pleased to see so many of the teachers had joined in for charity, including, to my surprise, several of the female ones. But I was glad— What? —when the hideous caterpillars were eventually dispensed of. I'm sure we would benefit from some luxury advice. Kind regards, Graham W.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:33:19 I think a moustache can look quite luxury.

William Hanson 0:33:21 It can, but it's the same with any facial hair. It depends on the person, depends on the shape. I also think it's very discombobulating when you see someone who is not known for having a moustache, and then they start having a moustache, and that's weird. Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:33:36 My father had a moustache for many years in the '80s and early '90s. Yeah.

William Hanson 0:33:41 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:33:42 It was when he was going through his Eddie the Eagle stage. And he looked just like Eddie the Eagle.

William Hanson 0:33:47 Yeah, I mean, the royal family— I was gonna say they don't really have moustaches. There aren't members of the royal family— they have beards, they have had beards, but no one really has a moustache.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:33:55 No.

William Hanson 0:33:56 It's a bit Poirot.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:33:57 Yeah, I think you can have a luxury moustache. As long as it's not a Hitler moustache, you're okay.

William Hanson 0:34:02 Goes without saying. Jonathan said it, but it— I thought it was going to go without saying.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:34:14 Chris has been in touch, William.

William Hanson 0:34:16 Yes, let's crack on.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:34:16 Chris says, dear Luxury Podcast. Oh,

William Hanson 0:34:20 oh,

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:34:21 I've just come—

William Hanson 0:34:21 big fan.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:34:22 I've, I've just come across some Hertfordshire news. Oh, I know all about this. I've just come across some Hertfordshire news about a man calling 999 after he accidentally bought a non-alcoholic gin and tonic. And he hoped Hertfordshire Police would send a mediator to get him his £6 back. Have you heard this?

William Hanson 0:34:43 No, I haven't. Was this you?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:34:44 No, it was not me.

Speaker H 0:34:47 Police, how can I help you? Is it possible to send a police car or something down to Tesco Extra to mediate over a problem? What's the problem? Well, I've just gone in there, And then they've got these miniature Gordon gin with tonic. It's in the alcohol section.

Speaker H 0:35:11 I should go over the park because it's nice and cool and sitting in shade, and I look at it, it's zero alcohol. And I just brought it back. They says, you've already drank one. And I says, okay, I'll pay for that one, and can I exchange the other one? It cost me £6.

Speaker H 0:35:29 Okay, so this is little police master. Do you want to take the other test, guys, if that's not too difficult? No, because I'm really angry, so I'll get arrested because I'll think— Why will you get arrested? Because I'm not having it. I've been paying £6 for non-alcoholic gin and

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:35:48 tonic.

William Hanson 0:35:49 Was that Barry from Watford?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:35:53 Might as well be. Yeah.

William Hanson 0:35:56 Have they disguised the voices? Because the police operator or the telephone operator sounded—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:35:59 I don't know. Been on the helium. I don't know. But what a wally. My question, Chris, continues, is this: does Jonathan think this is a wise use of his time, or should he be focusing on more important issues than bothering the police? Kind regards, Chris. I think that's quite obvious.

William Hanson 0:36:16 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:36:16 You do not phone the police because you found out your gin and tonic— even, even as annoying as that would be, if you find your gin has no alcohol in it, don't call the police.

William Hanson 0:36:26 Do you know what happened to me? Similar, uh, sort of thing in Chicago. I ordered a martini. I know, shock. And it came, and my martini order is very dry or extra dry with a twist, Tanqueray 10. That's the order. Comes over and it's cloudy with olives in it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:36:47 Ew.

William Hanson 0:36:48 So, it's not my order. And it puts it down, and I said, I'm really sorry, I actually wanted it with a twist.

William Hanson 0:36:56 And he went, oh gosh, okay, fine. And he left it there, and I thought, okay, maybe he's going to bring me a new one and then take the other one away. I'm not going to touch that because with olives makes me very ill. And he came back with a little glass ramekin of lemon peel twists, and then with his hands then took one and then plonked it in with the olives. And I went, oh no, it needs to be a whole new drink. And he went, oh, okay, and took it away.

William Hanson 0:37:22 And it came back and it was fine. It was a completely new drink, but I thought, don't.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:37:25 And that was in America.

William Hanson 0:37:27 That was in America. They invented the martini, for heaven's sake.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:37:30 Oh dear.

William Hanson 0:37:31 I know. So, I have added it. I have a list in my phone, places where I have sent back a martini, and I put the date and the reason. I'm not even joking.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:37:40 You didn't call the police though, did you? No. 911, what's your emergency? I've got a dirty martini. And I don't want one.

William Hanson 0:37:50 No, but maybe next time I shall.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:37:55 Quite. Well, do you know what? I think that's more than enough luxury for this episode. We'll leave it there for now. Of course, we will be back on Wednesday. What?

William Hanson 0:38:05 No, I can't remember, but I sent it to my brother at the time because James and I will talk about martinis. I said, I, he went, oh dear God. And I said, yes, God bless America. He went, they are a young country. They know not what they do.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:38:23 Very good. Anyway, we will be back next Wednesday where we're going to talk about uniforms.

William Hanson 0:38:32 Oh,

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:38:34 hello. But until then, goodbye.