Manly Bracelets and Luxury Charcoal

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:00:44 Hello and welcome to The Luxury Podcast. My name's Jonathan Vernon-Smith, and with me is William Hanson. This is the podcast that helps you live a more

William Hanson 0:01:03 Hello, Jonathan and I are here as ever to help you create the everyday moments of luxury that make life worth living, whatever your budget.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:01:08 So welcome to another bonus episode of The Luxury Podcast, where William and I will trade tips and stories from our own luxury lifestyles, as well as delving into our lovely great big mail sacks. So William, you had an izzy-wizzy let's-get-bizzy week?

William Hanson 0:01:22 Yes, fine. I mean, I was very worried. I said to you when we met that I'm currently today in a green Polo.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:01:32 You are loving the polo. I don't see you in a polo enough.

William Hanson 0:01:36 No. And I'm in cream action slacks, and I did think, as I looked at myself in the mirror, I thought, there's every chance that he might be in a green polo and cream action slacks. Now, you are in cream action slacks, but you're in a white polo.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:01:47 I'm in caramel action slacks, actually.

William Hanson 0:01:50 What am I?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:01:51 No, you are— you're in a khaki, aren't you? Okay, yeah. Khaki slacks. Yeah, I wouldn't say they're quite cream.

William Hanson 0:01:58 Oh, right.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:01:58 I've got cream slacks, but they are cream. Clunch. These are— they're more of a kind of browny tone to them.

William Hanson 0:02:07 Okay. Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:08 These would look very nice with that, actually.

William Hanson 0:02:11 Would they?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:11 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:02:11 Okay. Well, you have to let me know where you get yours.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:14 Slightly, uh, slightly more brown tint to them.

William Hanson 0:02:17 Fine.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:17 Yeah. But I think you look devilishly smart.

William Hanson 0:02:20 Thank you so much. Well, I was told by someone else that I look very smart for doing the gardening.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:24 Yes.

William Hanson 0:02:25 Which I felt was rude.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:26 Well, I think that's always the risk with a green polo, isn't it? You can always look a little bit horticultural.

William Hanson 0:02:32 Do I look like I work for the RHS?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:34 You do. You look like you've just put your secateurs down a few moments ago.

William Hanson 0:02:40 Oh, I was trimming the mildewy leaves off my cucumber plant yesterday— or day before yesterday.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:46 Yeah. Cucumber's doing very well. Is that it?

William Hanson 0:02:53 I pruned my mint back on Sunday.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:55 Did you?

William Hanson 0:02:56 Yeah, I pruned it right back.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:58 Oh.

William Hanson 0:02:58 You basically killed it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:59 So is Mikey, you know, now fully equipped with mint tea for as long as he wants?

William Hanson 0:03:05 Well, no, the mint had sort of turned a bit.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:08 How can mint turn?

William Hanson 0:03:10 It just didn't look very nice. It had been overcooked in the sun, and slightly when we went away to Paris, it hadn't been watered, and it just hadn't been eaten a bit. So I've literally repotted it, put some new soil in, cut it right back. And hopefully it'll come back to life at some point.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:26 Oh, nice.

William Hanson 0:03:27 I was very— I had a lovely Sunday because I didn't have an awful lot to do, and I just did some home jobs. I caught up on things.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:34 I love a day like that. Hardly ever have a day like that anymore.

William Hanson 0:03:37 And we're hoping tonight when I go back, it's chicken burgers on the barbecue.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:40 Really? Have you been doing lots of barbecuing?

William Hanson 0:03:43 Not for— when did we last have a barbecue? Who came over for a barbecue? Who came over for a barbecue? Oh yeah, our friend Max came over. That was like a week and a half ago, but we haven't done one since then.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:55 Are you still loving the FlexFlame?

William Hanson 0:03:57 Yes, it is noisy.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:59 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:04:00 I mean, the next-door neighbours are moving. I would believe there isn't a correlation between the FlexFlame and the neighbours moving. But it does do things quickly, because I went to a barbecue at the weekend. Slow.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:10 Yeah. Well, as you know, I've gone Kamado.

William Hanson 0:04:13 And how long does it take to cook a chicken burger?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:15 Slow. Slow. I mean, a kamado is— it's a quality piece of kit. It doesn't make a noise, but you need to invest some time with a kamado.

William Hanson 0:04:27 How long would it take me to cook a chicken burger?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:29 Well, so first of all, you've got to light it. You've then got to wait for the flames to die down. You've then got to put your equipment in. You've got to shut—

William Hanson 0:04:40 I thought there's a warning against that on the back here.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:43 Why is that funny? You then shut the lid, and then you need to wait for it to get up to temperature before you start adjusting your vents. Then once you've got to temperature, you've then got to start adjusting the vents and then monitoring it until it's ready for the food to go on.

William Hanson 0:04:58 No, I couldn't be fussed with that.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:59 It's quite a faff, but I love it.

William Hanson 0:05:01 Okay, well, as long as you're happy.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:03 Whereas your FlexFlame, as you know, I was very, very impressed with that. That is just, you know, light it, Fire the old girl up, get her pumping, put your meat on.

William Hanson 0:05:12 I was convinced you were going to buy one after that intergenerational when you came round.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:25 I, well, I would like one.

William Hanson 0:05:27 You cannot have a 4th barbecue.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:31 No, I can't. No.

William Hanson 0:05:32 There's no room with all your seating areas in the garden. You've got 3 barbecues, 3 separate seating areas. I mean, you hardly live in Kew Gardens. I've literally

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:41 got 3 barbecues now, haven't I?

William Hanson 0:05:43 Are they all in a row?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:44 No.

William Hanson 0:05:45 Well…

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:46 No, my Weber gas barbecue, that's in the carport.

William Hanson 0:05:49 Jordan's co-presenter, my friend Chris, he has 7 barbecues.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:53 7?

William Hanson 0:05:54 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:54 I think he's got Kamados, hasn't he?

William Hanson 0:05:56 Probably.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:57 I think he's a Kamado person.

William Hanson 0:05:59 And I asked him at the weekend, I said, do you use them all in one go? The answer to that is no.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:03 Right.

William Hanson 0:06:04 7.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:05 Gosh.

William Hanson 0:06:06 That's… You need friends, is what I said to him.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:08 I've got very into particular types of charcoal now. I know this is probably of absolutely no interest to you, but did you know you can get better class of charcoal?

William Hanson 0:06:20 Okay, so where would you normally go? I'm not a charcoal person.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:24 No, I can't imagine you being charcoal-y. You'd get black fingers.

William Hanson 0:06:27 Yes. Where would I get regular charcoal from, and where would I get luxury charcoal?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:32 Well, you can get regular charcoal from, you know, shops,

William Hanson 0:06:39 What?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:39 You know what I mean?

William Hanson 0:06:40 Colour me shocked.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:41 You know, like a supermarket or a corner shop or places like that, they sell regular, regular charcoal.

William Hanson 0:06:50 And what makes for luxury charcoal, and where'd you get it?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:53 Natural lumpwood. Oh, yes. Preferably either, um, I use a European hardwood, And I've also bought a couple of bags of Argentinian quebrajo blanco. What's that, Rodrigo? I didn't understand. Rodrigo.

William Hanson 0:07:13 Say it again slower.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:14 Quebrajo blanco. I understand blanco. I don't understand the first bit. Quebrajo! It's a type of Argentinian tree.

William Hanson 0:07:25 What does it translate as?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:26 I don't know. It's a quebrajo.

William Hanson 0:07:28 Blanco is white, isn't it?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:30 Yeah, yes, blanco. Exactly, that's what I was saying. Do

William Hanson 0:07:32 you want blanco charcoal? I thought—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:33 No, it's black. It's black charcoal, but it comes from a tree that is called— oh, for God's sake— Quebrajo Blanco, and it's Argentinian. But this stuff is the dog's dewberries. It's amazing. I lit it, got it going in the, in the old kamado. Wonderful. Turned it off by shutting the vents. Following day, still going, wasn't it? Still going with no oxygen.

William Hanson 0:08:00 That sounds like a fire risk.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:02 No, no, it's not a fire risk.

William Hanson 0:08:03 Have— you've obviously— you're on your Kamado. Have the other 2 barbecues had a look in recently?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:07 No. Haven't touched them. Those old things.

William Hanson 0:08:10 Well, why don't you get rid of them? Create some space.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:13 Well, I would— I could get rid of the gas one. I could. But it was a gift for my 40th birthday from my father. So I can't. Can I? And plus, I did think, and we were talking earlier today, that we may arrange another intergenerational, but this time in the Hertfordshire countryside. And if I have a large number of people, I might need— I might be very grateful for another barbecue.

William Hanson 0:08:39 Because how big's the Kamado? That big, from looking at it?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:42 No, it's bigger than that. Yeah, it's about that big.

William Hanson 0:08:45 Okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:45 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:08:47 This will work on audio.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:51 No, it's not quite that big. Go, go. That's it.

William Hanson 0:08:57 That's it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:00 Stop. Right. Yeah, it's about that. But, um, no, I might be grateful for another barbecue if I have an intergenerational.

William Hanson 0:09:09 You're gonna have to work out your timings though, because, you know, you've got presumably on different cooking surfaces and whatever, it's gonna all—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:17 It would be stressful.

William Hanson 0:09:18 Because you'll want to eat at the same time.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:19 Oh, it would be stressful. It will be stressful.

William Hanson 0:09:22 Okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:23 Yeah, maybe I'll do a brisket. I could— oh, I could do an overnight brisket on my Kamado.

William Hanson 0:09:29 Yes, do it on— and then we'll have to have it on a Saturday.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:31 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:09:31 Because then you can be up on the Friday night when you don't have work the next day.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:34 Right. Well, I have to set my alarm to go down to mop my meat, because you've got to mop it through the night.

William Hanson 0:09:42 Once an hour, or?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:43 No, no, not that much. No, maybe a couple of times a night. I'll have to set an alarm to go down with my mop.

William Hanson 0:09:49 Are we doing beef?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:51 Well, that's what brisket is, isn't it?

William Hanson 0:09:53 Oh yeah, yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:54 So, um, yeah, I could do that. Maybe I'll do that.

William Hanson 0:09:57 Okay. Yeah, that'll be nice. And do we then— is it like pulled beef? Does it come apart?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:02 No, brisket, you know, you can slice it, but it's tender. But I, I've never done one. And I think it's quite complicated, so maybe—

William Hanson 0:10:11 Do a trial.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:11 Maybe— oh, I could do chickens!

William Hanson 0:10:18 Oh,

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:19 I could put a whole load of chickens on. You can get on my Kamado, you can get 6 whole chickens on there. I could put 6 chickens on there.

William Hanson 0:10:25 I don't want chicken. I find chicken a bit boring on a barbecue. I said it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:29 How rude.

William Hanson 0:10:31 I did like our Greek passion chicken skewers that we had at ours.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:35 I thought they were all right. They were very nice, yeah.

William Hanson 0:10:37 Other than that, I think chicken's dull.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:38 Right.

William Hanson 0:10:39 Why bother?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:40 Well, I'll see what I can do.

William Hanson 0:10:42 Talking of food, you were very excitedly texting me that you have booked our restaurant for when I come to Frigg, only a couple of weeks away now.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:50 I've got all 3 nights fully catered.

William Hanson 0:10:53 Great.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:53 There you go.

William Hanson 0:10:54 In a range of Spanish restaurants.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:56 Well, so the first one is Spanish-English. No, it is—

William Hanson 0:11:04 Chicken and chips.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:05 No, it's Spanish, Spanish food, but it's lovely. You'll love it.

William Hanson 0:11:08 Okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:09 But it was, uh, I believe the restaurant was bought by a Brit.

William Hanson 0:11:13 Okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:13 Okay.

William Hanson 0:11:14 Are there pictures on the menu?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:15 No, of course there are not pictures on the menu, William. You have a— I think you think you're going to Benidorm, don't you?

William Hanson 0:11:22 That is the—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:23 Is that what's going on in your mind? This is why I sense the Frigaliana resistance. You're worried that there's going to be photos of egg and chips outside restaurants.

William Hanson 0:11:34 And television— well, projectors on screen showing football.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:37 No, you will not see that. Will he, Rodrigo? Exactly. So, you will go to all the restaurants and find they're all absolutely lovely.

William Hanson 0:11:45 Good.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:46 That I've booked.

William Hanson 0:11:46 So, what's night 2?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:47 Night 2 is the Mediterranean Grill.

William Hanson 0:11:50 Okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:51 With some Italian dishes. Now, the 3rd night, and I have booked an Italian. I have.

William Hanson 0:11:58 I love an Italian. Especially a Spanish Italian.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:01 They often have, in this Italian that I've booked on the 3rd night, they often have some musical men come in and perform a little bit of Spanish guitar and castanets.

William Hanson 0:12:12 In an Italian restaurant?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:13 And I wondered whether you might like to get up and do a dance, a little bit of flamenco or something like that.

William Hanson 0:12:19 In an Italian restaurant?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:21 In an Italian restaurant, yeah. Yeah. So, I've booked that, but we— this is all open to change. Okay. If you decide for whatever reason you want to change the plans—

William Hanson 0:12:29 Have you put a deposit down or anything? No, no, no, fine.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:32 But they're all booked, all ready to go.

William Hanson 0:12:34 Thank you for taking arrangements into luxury hands.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:37 I haven't done the yacht yet.

William Hanson 0:12:38 What?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:40 I still must do the yacht.

William Hanson 0:12:41 Jonathan! You had a go at me that I hadn't done the yacht.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:43 Well, I will do the yacht.

William Hanson 0:12:45 Please.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:47 I will. I'll do the yacht.

William Hanson 0:12:48 We've got a whole episode we're doing on a yacht.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:50 Imagine if— what do we do if we can't get a yacht?

William Hanson 0:12:53 We could sort of just buy your pool, splash around a little bit to create some water noises, and pretend that we're on a yacht.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:59 Well, I'm not going on a kayak again, because I went kayaking. I'm not doing a kayak. It was the worst 2 hours of my life. I wished I was dead. It was terrible. Have I ever told you about that kayaking?

William Hanson 0:13:09 You have. I'm not doing a kayak.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:11 Terrible. The trouble was I joined a group. I should have known. I went off on a blooming group.

William Hanson 0:13:18 That is so not you.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:20 I know, William. But once you're committed, once they've started taking you out to the ocean, and you've got some young bloke in the front saying, come on, guys. Yeah, put some welly into it. This is— I literally wished I was dead. It's awful.

William Hanson 0:13:35 Is it the difference between a kayak and a canoe, the number of people, or is it the shape of the boat? What's the one where your legs are in the boat and you can't see them? Is that a canoe, or is that a kayak?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:46 Or we could get a pedalo. They've got some pedalos, and in fact, they're quite dinky, because they're pedalos and they've got a little slide that goes down the front.

William Hanson 0:13:54 Oh, cute.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:55 Exactly. So, we could pedal out, and then I could push you down the slide.

William Hanson 0:14:03 That's an idea.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:04 Would you like that?

William Hanson 0:14:05 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:05 Worst case scenario, we do a pedalo. But it's not the same as a yacht.

William Hanson 0:14:09 No. I need you to get that yacht. Book it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:12 I will.

William Hanson 0:14:13 Please.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:47 Welcome back, Bucketheads. We're going to read your questions, so let's dive into our heaving bags of post. If there's something on your mind that needs a luxury touch, postman@luxurypodcast.co.uk is the place for your queries and your questions. Also, a reminder, you can watch these episodes on Patreon if you join our Luxury Members Club. Head over to luxurypodcast.co.uk to join.

William Hanson 0:16:23 This one is from an— You're just very boring.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:16:35 Can't say.

William Hanson 0:16:37 This is from Anonymous. Dear William, Jonathan, and the team. Firstly, an update. I wrote in a little while ago seeking advice on where to propose in Frigiliana. Well, you'll be delighted to know that the operation is very much underway. Flights booked. Luxury hire car, reserved. Whitewashed apartment with a spectacular mountain view and enough balconies to make one feel vaguely aristocratic, secured.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:17:00 Oh.

William Hanson 0:17:00 The itinerary has been planned with military precision, largely thanks to your influence. I have every intention of ensuring the proposal is tasteful, elegant, and above all else, free from inflatable will you marry me signs or a flash mob. I can almost hear William sigh with relief. There is, however, one significant stumbling block: the ring.

William Hanson 0:17:19 Being a same-sex couple, the traditional— Makes you sick. The traditional enormous diamond engagement ring doesn't feel quite right. I simply cannot picture my other half wandering around with what looks like a chandelier attached to his finger. It feels less quiet luxury and more estate agent from Cheshire. So I find myself in something of a dilemma.

William Hanson 0:17:43 If you were selecting an engagement ring for a gentleman, something luxurious, timeless, and genuinely special, what would you choose? A classic platinum band? Something with subtle diamonds? A signet ring? A beautifully engineered piece from a distinguished jeweller?

William Hanson 0:17:58 Or is there a wonderfully luxurious alternative I've completely overlooked? I'm determined that it should be something he'll treasure for the rest of his life, but equally something he will actually want to wear every single day. I'd genuinely love to hear your thoughts, because if anyone can debate the etiquette, craftsmanship, and tasteful execution of a proposal ring, it's the two of you. With warmest regards, a very excited and hopelessly ringless Buckethead.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:18:20 Well, this is very straightforward.

William Hanson 0:18:21 Yeah, I think you're going to say what I'm going to say.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:18:24 What is— well, what are you going to say?

William Hanson 0:18:27 You don't need an engagement ring.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:18:28 No, you certainly don't need an engagement ring.

William Hanson 0:18:30 No.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:18:30 Bit common. I think it's a bit common.

William Hanson 0:18:33 Okay, that's not where I was going to go.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:18:35 Oh, sorry. What? Why?

William Hanson 0:18:37 Well, I just— I mean, I can see why a heterosexual couple would want one. That would be fine.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:18:41 Because women love big rocks. That's funny.

William Hanson 0:18:45 Yeah. But wedding band— a wedding band obviously doesn't have rocks on it, but I don't think you need one. Or you could do a bracelet. I think I have some friends that do that.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:18:54 A bracelet? Good grief. What's happened to you?

William Hanson 0:18:58 No, no, no, no, no. I wouldn't wear a bracelet, but there are some people that can do bracelets.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:03 No. No, there's not.

William Hanson 0:19:06 There are.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:07 Well, a market trader. Yes. If you're there shouting, gather round, gather round, every bowl's a pound, Then a lovely great big gold bracelet will look smashing on you, but I'm afraid not for anyone else. What's wrong with you, man? You'll be suggesting a toe ring next. Crikey! I can't believe you just said a bracelet. I mean, no offence.

William Hanson 0:19:35 Do you know what has, though, got gone through my head. I'm not going to say necklace.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:43 No.

William Hanson 0:19:45 A watch.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:45 Oh.

William Hanson 0:19:46 You could buy them a watch.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:48 Right. But they probably have a watch already.

William Hanson 0:19:51 Well, yes, but get them a very nice watch that maybe— an evening watch that maybe they're not going to wear every day, but they could go, I got that for my engagement. Something, you know, petite.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:20:01 Yeah. But a ring for men— I mean, I'm not a huge lover of rings or jewellery on men, Um, but if you're going to wear a ring, a wedding ring, just very, very simple, like yours, may I say.

William Hanson 0:20:16 Yes, I need to get that resized, actually. It's still a bit loose.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:20:18 Yes, but that is— that's a nice classy wedding ring. It says, I'm a taken man.

William Hanson 0:20:24 Platinum.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:20:24 Stay well back. Um, but I think it's just nice. It's a nice size. I cannot bear it when men have rings with With rocks in, or, you know, very, very kind of blingy rings. Ugh.

William Hanson 0:20:40 No.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:20:41 Horrible. Simple. Just a little band.

William Hanson 0:20:44 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:20:45 And definitely not a bracelet. I can't believe you said bracelet.

William Hanson 0:20:50 No, there are— some gays can get away with jewellery like that.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:20:55 No. Do you remember that time you had that horrible little bracelet on in that video? From Malta. Yeah. That was horrible. Absolutely horrible. Please tell me you don't ever wear that anymore. I

William Hanson 0:21:05 don't know where it is.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:06 I seem to remember I had to message you. I was so appalled you were wearing it.

William Hanson 0:21:10 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:10 I mean, no offence.

William Hanson 0:21:12 None taken. Why don't you do Ella's letter?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:17 Ella's been in touch. Ella says, dear William and Jonathan, 2 months ago I became employed in my first job at 18 at a tea room in a very luxury castle. Ooh. Potentially the most executive minimum wage job one might find. The castle sometimes hosts events involving live orchestras and retro cars, which obviously invites hordes of hungry pensioners into our establishment.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:45 Whilst working the most recent of these events, an unfortunate episode occurred. I managed to fall flat on my face in front of about 100 customers, Smashing an entire fully stacked tray of glasses and the most luxury ceramics that we serve, typically reserved for our afternoon teas. As you can imagine, this fall was very loud and incredibly obvious, thus drawing a collective gasp from the customers and many people asking if I was all right. There was absolutely no way that I could have styled this situation out, and all that I could do was sit up and say, Oh my God, to the boy standing next to me, who promptly laughed in my face. Rude.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:29 To make matters worse, I then burst into embarrassment-inflicted tears in front of all of my co-workers as soon as I entered the kitchen, destroying my final chances at remaining cool in the face of humiliation. So please, what is the most luxury way to recover from such a catastrophe? at your first job? Thank you, Ella.

William Hanson 0:22:52 Oh, poor Ella. I think it's Bewley. That's where I think she works.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:56 Oh gosh, you've probably just identified poor Ella to the whole world.

William Hanson 0:23:01 I don't think it's Bewley.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:23:04 In fact, it's definitely not Bewley.

William Hanson 0:23:06 I think it's Anick.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:23:07 Yeah. Um,

William Hanson 0:23:08 I, I mean, I— look, I would say it sounds really patronising here, I'm aware of that, but because you are young and it's your first job, I think it's been exacerbated. In the grand scheme of things, you didn't do anything wrong. There's no need to cry. No, it was an accident. I would have found it funny. Yeah, been slightly mortified that you've broken the glasses, of course, and ensured that no one was going to step on them or whatever. Yeah, but, um, yeah, these things happen. Don't worry about it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:23:35 Yeah, very good advice.

William Hanson 0:23:36 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:23:37 Yeah,

William Hanson 0:23:37 that's all we can say. Um, this is from Elizabeth.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:23:41 Elizabeth.

William Hanson 0:23:42 Dear Jonathan and William, I'm writing with a query about the best way to maintain a luxuriously clean and tidy car interior. Please consider this as a desperate cry for help from across the pond. As an American and the mother of 3 children, I spend an inordinate amount of time in my car. Having been raised by parents who kept their own cars meticulously clean, I have watched with despair as my Volkswagen Atlas's interior has descended into a state of chaos, the closest resemblance to which might be the floor of a McDonald's after being stormed by a gang of drunken strippers with a fidget toy fetish. It's quite the picture.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:24:18 Oh, it gets worse. Wait for it.

William Hanson 0:24:20 Desiccated chicken nuggets, discarded clothing, tumbleweeds of hair pulled from hairbrushes, and suspiciously fuzzy toys that have all been scattered across the floor of my car at one time or another.

William Hanson 0:24:30 What is a frazzled mother to do? The authorities would likely frown upon me. Strapping my children to the roof of the car and wrapping them in cling film seems equally unsupportable. Getting my car washed and detailed every week would Delight the local owner of Mr. Splash, but land me in hot water with my husband, whose own Volvo ferries only himself around and is spotless. Perhaps there is nothing to be done, and I must resign myself to this hellish existence.

William Hanson 0:24:57 Yours despairingly, Elizabeth. Well, I would absolutely have a word with your husband, thank you very much, and say, why is your car a sanctuary?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:25:04 But I think as well, people indulge their children, When my nephew, when I pick him up—

William Hanson 0:25:13 You go anything but indulge him.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:25:15 I give him a pep talk. I say, now you're about to get in the back of my luxury car. If you put your feet on the back of the seat, I'll cut your feet off. Now you see, that's where people go wrong. He's so terrified to move his feet, he sits there absolutely paralysed with fear for the entire journey. He doesn't— I said, don't touch my windows. I don't want your paw prints all over my windows. Just sit there quietly. And you know what he does?

William Hanson 0:25:43 Good.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:25:44 That's what people need to do, letting your children eat in the car.

William Hanson 0:25:47 You do need to put the fear of God in children.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:25:49 Yeah, quite. Yeah, quite.

William Hanson 0:25:51 I think that's what it needs.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:25:52 So just stop your children eating and misbehaving in the car.

William Hanson 0:25:55 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:25:56 Elizabeth.

William Hanson 0:25:57 And I— and or get your husband to drive your car. Swap cars for a day or two. Yeah. And say, right, you do it. If you don't want your precious Volvo contaminated, you drive my car.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:06 Yeah. And if you, if you're going to have to put up with it, then you're going to have to have the car cleaned on a regular basis.

William Hanson 0:26:13 Yes. Oh, I need to get our valet around.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:15 Really?

William Hanson 0:26:16 Just haven't had it done for a while.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:18 Need a once-over?

William Hanson 0:26:19 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:19 I'm now having Nick on a semi-regular basis, and I'm enjoying it.

William Hanson 0:26:23 Your car, though, is immaculate.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:26 Well, the trouble is we've got a hosepipe ban at the moment.

William Hanson 0:26:29 Oh, but Nick can circumnavigate that.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:30 Well, Nick is, as a professional, he can use the hose. But it's not a good look, is it?

William Hanson 0:26:36 No.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:37 You know, we're in a drought, and there I am having a high-buff polish on the driveway.

William Hanson 0:26:43 I'm desperate for it to end. Because I also— it doesn't— I get it if you have got inbuilt irrigation, if you have a sprinkler system or whatever. I get it for lawns. But don't tell me that me filling up my watering can, and I have to do that sort of 8 or 9 times to do all of my pots and tubs, Don't tell me that that is using less water than if I got the hose out. Well, I actually think it uses— that uses less water.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:27:11 I was walking home from the pub the other night.

William Hanson 0:27:14 In a straight line?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:27:15 Well, semi-straight. And as I was walking, there were some bushes,

William Hanson 0:27:22 and

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:27:23 on the other side of the bush, I could just hear, oh, I thought, They've got their hose out behind the bush! Now, would you have said anything?

William Hanson 0:27:33 Did you know this couple? Yes. I would've said— if I knew them, I would've said something in a jokey—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:27:39 Couldn't see them behind the bush.

William Hanson 0:27:41 Mildly threatening way.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:27:42 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:27:43 What did you say?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:27:44 I can hear a hosepipe! Top of my voice. Suddenly, it stopped. They adjusted their nozzle. Do you know what, William? I think that'll do.

William Hanson 0:27:59 I think that will do.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:27:59 I don't know about you, I have given all I can give.

William Hanson 0:28:02 I've got nothing left to give.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:28:03 Literally empty. Completely empty. We will be back next Wednesday though for one of our main episodes. Do we know what we're going to talk about? TBC. TBC.

William Hanson 0:28:14 Well, tune in.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:28:15 Lovely. Until then, goodbye.