Titanique Rehearsals and MORE Holiday Uncertainties

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:01:01 Hello and welcome to The Luxury Podcast. My name's Jonathan Vernon-Smith. With me is William Hanson. This is the podcast that helps you live a more luxury life.

William Hanson 0:01:21 Hello, Jonathan and I are here to help you create the everyday moments of luxury that make life worth living. Whatever your budget.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:01:27 So welcome to another bonus episode of The Luxury Podcast, where William and I will trade tips and stories from our own luxury lifestyles, as well as delving into our lovely, great, big, overflowing male sacks. William, since yesterday, how's your week been?

William Hanson 0:01:41 It's been good. I'm on a rare day off from rehearsals for my West End debut.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:01:46 Debut?

William Hanson 0:01:48 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:01:48 Your debut.

William Hanson 0:01:49 That's how Amanda Holden said it on Heart Breakfast when I went on, so that's how I'm going with it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:01:53 How's it going?

William Hanson 0:01:55 Fine. I'm loving it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:01:57 Are you becoming a diva?

William Hanson 0:01:59 Becoming? No, it's just— it is really odd. I mean, I've only done 3 days at time of recording of rehearsals, and I'm really missing it today. Whereas even though—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:12 Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry we're keeping you away from your new friends. Don't mind us. We'll just, you know—

William Hanson 0:02:19 Coming soon, the Titanic Podcast.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:21 Oh, right. Yeah.

William Hanson 0:02:25 No.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:25 Oh, that's so nice. No, they're not— You're all too aware of. You'll hate them. Yeah,

William Hanson 0:02:28 I'll hate them by the end of it. No, it was rubbish. How could I hate all of them? They're gorgeous. But no, I'm— I am enjoying it. It is tiring, and it is taxing, and it's mentally draining because it's a completely new discipline.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:39 What?

William Hanson 0:02:41 Like learning a whole show and like what I have to do and—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:44 Do you have a lot of lines? I thought it was all ad-lib.

William Hanson 0:02:47 Uh, no, no, there is a section that is ad-lib, but the rest of it is script, and then it's all the dancing as well. Moving, but—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:53 I was gonna say, I thought you said you just had to move.

William Hanson 0:02:56 I have to go—

Speaker B 0:02:59 Wow.

William Hanson 0:03:00 That sort of stuff. And, a beautiful tale as old as time. Oh God, you're bringing it all back.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:14 We

William Hanson 0:03:15 can't wait to have you there.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:16 Oh, I will come.

William Hanson 0:03:17 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:18 Do you want me to?

William Hanson 0:03:18 If you'd like to.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:20 Okay.

William Hanson 0:03:20 You don't have to.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:21 Okay. Do you have press tickets? Nope. All right. Oh, I've got to buy—

William Hanson 0:03:29 Even my husband has to pay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:30 Oh, really? Yeah. That's a bit rubbish.

William Hanson 0:03:32 To be fair, he gets one free ticket on opening night.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:35 Oh.

William Hanson 0:03:36 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:36 But the rest of us have to pay?

William Hanson 0:03:38 Mm-hmm.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:38 Oh, Christ.

William Hanson 0:03:40 Well, I'm a business expense. You could put it through your books.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:42 I wouldn't do that, William.

William Hanson 0:03:45 Well, you work with me. You're coming to talk about it on the podcast. I think that's a legitimate claim.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:50 All right. Okay, well, I don't mind. I'll pay to come and see you. I don't mind, yeah.

William Hanson 0:03:55 You'd probably come on a Friday or a Saturday, wouldn't you?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:57 Yeah, yeah,

William Hanson 0:03:58 yeah, yeah. Fine. They could have good shows. I mean, they'll all be good shows, I think, but weekend, you know, weekend energy.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:03 If you know I'm in the audience, will you scan to see if you can see me?

William Hanson 0:04:08 I'll get— when we do the bit with the water pistol.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:10 Don't you dare shoot me!

William Hanson 0:04:12 There's no bit with the water pistol. Yet.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:19 I didn't remember if there was a bit with a water pistol or not.

William Hanson 0:04:22 No, there is a— there's a gun, but it's a toy gun.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:24 Okay.

William Hanson 0:04:25 It's not a real gun.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:26 All right. Is it still the same woman who plays, um, you know, what's her face?

William Hanson 0:04:30 Celine.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:30 Celine.

William Hanson 0:04:31 Well, it depends when you saw it. Probably could be. There's been basically— there have been 2 main ones. There's been Lauren, who I think you saw, and then now there's Astrid.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:41 Astrid?

William Hanson 0:04:42 Yes, great name.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:43 What a luxury name.

William Hanson 0:04:44 Very luxury name. I actually think if I ever had a daughter, No plans to. Astrid could be quite a good name because it's an unusual name, isn't it?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:52 Yeah. Are you gonna have children? No.

William Hanson 0:04:55 But if I did— Okay. Like, my goddaughter's called Artemis, and I think that's a lovely name.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:00 Well, it's quite exotic, isn't it?

William Hanson 0:05:03 It is, yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:04 Greek. Lovely.

William Hanson 0:05:06 Anyway.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:06 Well, I'm pleased it's all going well.

William Hanson 0:05:08 Yes. You all right?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:09 Yes, I'm not too bad. I've had a busy week. Um, slightly worried I might need Silicon Sean to come round.

William Hanson 0:05:15 Of course you do, because he's, you know, seen to me.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:17 Well, yeah, but I've only got a small job for him. My shower head's dripping.

William Hanson 0:05:21 Well, just change the shower head.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:23 No, well, no, but I think it might be the, um, whatever is in the shower.

William Hanson 0:05:27 Oh, okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:28 I think it might need a new cartridge or whatever.

William Hanson 0:05:30 Oh, he's got a power shower?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:32 No, thermostatic.

William Hanson 0:05:34 Okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:35 Yeah, with a luxury chrome plate. Yeah.

William Hanson 0:05:37 Okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:38 For a better class of bathroom.

William Hanson 0:05:39 We'll get him in his little chappy, your words, round.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:43 Well, yeah, will he? I don't think he'll need his little chappy.

William Hanson 0:05:45 No, to be fair, mine was a big job.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:47 It was a big, big job. Have you paid your bill yet?

William Hanson 0:05:50 Of course I have.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:51 Have you? Is it all working okay? Yeah, yeah.

William Hanson 0:05:54 Actually, do you know what? I did leave him a review on, uh, whatever site he wanted me to leave a review on, and you have to then— oh, I know why it hasn't gone live, because they then emailed me that you have to, like, you send it and then you have to verify your email and all and all that, and then they came back going, and now we need an invoice to prove— What? Also, like, some sort of— the company,

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:18 yeah,

William Hanson 0:06:19 which I'll say it, want like an invoice to prove that actually he had done work for me.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:24 Oh, isn't that good? It's reassuring. It shows that they're not getting their mates to do it.

William Hanson 0:06:28 That came in whilst I was on holiday, and I think I went, oh, I'll deal with that later, and then forgot.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:32 Well, you must do it.

William Hanson 0:06:33 Oh, I will, I will, because I wrote him a lovely one.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:36 Because I'm not having him in my house until he's got a proper 5-star review from

William Hanson 0:06:41 I wrote, as I now write for all tradespeople that ask, up to and beyond British standards

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:45 within the review. Well done. Yeah, and do you sign it William Hanson,

William Hanson 0:06:49 The Luxury

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:49 Podcast, available

William Hanson 0:06:51 wherever you get your

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:52 podcasts? Well done. Well, Silicon Shaun, if you're listening, I might need your help.

William Hanson 0:06:55 Yeah,

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:56 to attend to my head.

William Hanson 0:07:06 Bring the mace.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:07 That didn't come out how it was intended. Anyway, so apart from that, no, it's been an okay week.

William Hanson 0:07:14 And controversial, I believe, since you were so rude to me about when I come to Frigg, which is, we should say, months away.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:23 I'm not sure I was rude. You just took me slightly aback with your level of—

William Hanson 0:07:30 Wanting to see you and spend time with you.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:32 Well, you will, of course you will. You will.

William Hanson 0:07:35 What am I doing the rest of the time? I thought, okay, to get the sleeping out the way, I'll— yeah, we'll be apart then.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:40 Okay, good.

William Hanson 0:07:41 But like daylight and early evening?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:45 But

William Hanson 0:07:45 I'm not coming to Frigiliana for my own benefit.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:48 No, but I just thought you'd like some time where you're not necessarily joined at the hip to me.

William Hanson 0:07:54 No.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:55 You want to spend every minute of the day with me?

William Hanson 0:07:58 I could be by the pool, because you've got a pool at your villa, haven't you?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:00 Yeah, of course, yeah.

William Hanson 0:08:02 I can sit and read. I don't need to be talking to you then.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:04 Oh, okay.

William Hanson 0:08:06 Well, yeah, I mean, I'm not gonna be like—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:08 Okay, so the way it's gonna work then, I come down in the morning to your hotel.

William Hanson 0:08:14 Okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:14 I pick you up.

William Hanson 0:08:15 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:16 I bring you back to my villa.

William Hanson 0:08:18 Yeah, and you could come, you know, 10 o'clock.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:20 10 o'clock? Okay.

William Hanson 0:08:21 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:21 Right.

William Hanson 0:08:22 I'll have breakfast there.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:23 Yeah, but I like to go to Nurkha in the mornings. I like to go for a coffee down at the Balcon. And have a—

William Hanson 0:08:29 At what time?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:30 Walk around. Well, about 10.

William Hanson 0:08:31 Well, then pick me up before and take me down the Balcon.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:35 Oh, I'll definitely take you down the Balcon. So, I'll pick you up, we'll go down the Balcon, we'll have a coffee.

William Hanson 0:08:41 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:41 And a walk about, soak up the atmosphere.

William Hanson 0:08:44 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:44 Then we'll probably go down the old Mercadona.

William Hanson 0:08:48 In our espadrilles.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:49 Uh, we'll go down the Mercadona, we'll get a, maybe a nice French stick and some bits.

William Hanson 0:08:55 When in Spain.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:55 Then we'll, uh, head back to the villa, have a bite to eat, have a few wines. I do think we should have a few wines at lunchtime.

William Hanson 0:09:06 Do they do martini?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:07 Well, we can get some martini. Then an afternoon around the pool, and maybe I'll go and pick some fresh figs.

William Hanson 0:09:15 Oh.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:16 We'll have an afternoon around the pool, and then Then I will want to prepare myself for the evening. So, what are you going to do? Do I take you back to your hotel? Because I will have had a drink.

William Hanson 0:09:28 Yeah, well, then you can't. I'll get a cab.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:32 I'm not sure we'd get a cab. Do they have Uber? No, I don't think we'd have to get— no, we wouldn't get a cab.

William Hanson 0:09:37 How long will it take me to walk?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:38 An hour and 5 minutes. I looked it up. Your hotel from—

William Hanson 0:09:43 I might be prepared to do that one way, but not the other way.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:46 You can't walk an hour and 5 minutes in Frigiliana.

William Hanson 0:09:49 Oh yeah, I can.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:50 It's the mountains, William.

William Hanson 0:09:52 Oh, I'll do my—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:54 we'd never find you.

William Hanson 0:09:55 Do my Julie Andrews routine.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:56 Really? We'd never see you again. You know, as you start trekking off down the mountain back to your hotel. I couldn't do that to you.

William Hanson 0:10:06 But you're about to.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:07 I'd have to at least find a little Spaniard to put you on the back of his moped. And run you back to your hotel.

William Hanson 0:10:14 I'm not going on the back of Pedro's moped.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:16 So you'll have to go back to your hotel.

William Hanson 0:10:19 Why can't I just bring a day bag?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:21 What?

William Hanson 0:10:23 And I can just freshen up at yours.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:24 What does freshen up at mine mean? You mean having a full-on shower?

William Hanson 0:10:28 I'll just wash with a flannel.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:31 What, do your neck? You'll have to do your neck, won't you? Yeah, you'd have to do your neck. And then, oh, I just thought you'd want to go back to your hotel, luxuriate in your hotel, and then I—

William Hanson 0:10:42 Sorry, have you seen where I'm staying? And then I'd pick

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:44 you up, you know, early evening, go down to Nörcher or into Frigg.

William Hanson 0:10:49 Are you not cooking in—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:50 I don't intend to cook, no. Oh. No, I—

William Hanson 0:10:54 I thought you'd do a barbecue or something.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:56 Well, you want a barbecue rather than— you're only there for a few nights. I thought I'd take you to some of the nice, you know, restaurants.

William Hanson 0:11:02 One night too long at this rate.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:04 No, no, you're going to have a lovely time. You're going to absolutely love it.

William Hanson 0:11:06 Okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:07 But then we'd go and have a nice evening, have a few drinks, Mm-hmm. And then, um, you go back to your hotel.

William Hanson 0:11:15 Well, I will be going back to my hotel.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:20 Then the next day—

William Hanson 0:11:21 Repeat.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:22 Well, no, because we've got to do some work, haven't we?

William Hanson 0:11:24 Oh.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:24 If we're going to record the podcast.

William Hanson 0:11:26 Yeah, right.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:27 We're a bit— why, by the way, I, I've been told by my other colleagues at my other work that it is outrageous if we go there and don't film the whole thing.

William Hanson 0:11:37 Well, we have to get a production person to film that.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:39 Well, I'll have to have

Speaker A 0:11:40 a GoPro to put on your head.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:42 A GoPro?

William Hanson 0:11:44 Yes, I could have a GoPro on my head filming you.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:47 That'd be quite funny when you're on the back of Pedro's moped. Off he goes down the mountain. Woo!

William Hanson 0:11:54 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:56 But do you think you will be happy, or would you be happier in Nurkha?

William Hanson 0:11:59 Well, I need to look this up now.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:01 Right.

William Hanson 0:12:03 Because Nürburgring is how far away in the car?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:06 20 minutes.

William Hanson 0:12:07 And my hotel is what?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:08 10 minutes. Okay. But if you're in Nürburgring, you're kind of in the middle of a little town.

William Hanson 0:12:16 Which do you think is a nicer hotel?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:17 Oh, Nürburgring. Right.

William Hanson 0:12:21 I think I might be moving to Nürburgring.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:22 Yeah. Well, I did suggest to you the other hotel in Nürburgring.

William Hanson 0:12:26 Yeah, but then I just thought, wouldn't it be fun to have me in Frigg?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:30 Yeah, but you will be in Frigg, won't you?

William Hanson 0:12:31 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:31 Because I'll be bringing you up to Frigg.

William Hanson 0:12:33 Okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:33 But I just think for your own— when you come out of your hotel in Nurkja, you come out and you're in the middle of a bustling little town. You can, you know, if, if you're waiting for me and you want to go and have a little coffee, there's little cafes around there. Whereas your hotel you've booked in Frigg, you're literally down the end of a dusty track. You know, it'll be you and goats. And I can't imagine you—

William Hanson 0:12:58 I could film them on my GoPro.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:59 Yeah, I just can't imagine you, you know, stepping out of your room expecting to greet your public.

William Hanson 0:13:05 Oh, for God's sake.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:06 And all you've got is a load of old manky goats. I just can't see it, William.

William Hanson 0:13:10 Yeah. Okay, I'll change hotels.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:14 Oh.

William Hanson 0:13:15 I will action that this weekend.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:17 Right, okay.

William Hanson 0:13:18 Subject— I mean, maybe I'll book the new place first. Because I don't want to, you know, shoot myself.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:23 No, no, no, make sure you've still got somewhere. Yeah.

William Hanson 0:13:26 Should book— give me your best room.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:28 Oh yeah, they'll definitely do that for you.

William Hanson 0:13:30 Yeah, I want a suite.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:31 Okay, well, let's, let's have a chat.

William Hanson 0:13:33 And to be fair, if I do get a suite, then maybe I don't need to spend as much time with you.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:36 That's a bit hurtful. I thought you wanted to spend time with me.

William Hanson 0:13:43 Well, I used to. Gone off it now.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:45 I think you'll have a lovely time.

William Hanson 0:13:47 I think we'll have a lovely time. What are we gonna eat? What sort of food are we eating?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:50 What do you want?

William Hanson 0:13:51 In these restaurants?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:52 Oh, whatever you want. What do you want? I mean, we don't eat fish, so we're not gonna eat paella, are we? Or paella?

William Hanson 0:13:58 No. Just a nice Italian?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:00 Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

William Hanson 0:14:02 Okay, we'll do that.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:02 Steak. Nice steak.

William Hanson 0:14:03 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:04 If you like a bit of steak.

William Hanson 0:14:05 Not actually that big into Spanish food, if I'm honest.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:09 Tapas?

William Hanson 0:14:09 Mm.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:10 Okay. Well, neither am I.

William Hanson 0:14:12 No.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:13 But we'll, we'll eat some lovely food there, don't you worry.

William Hanson 0:14:16 Have you ever considered not going to Frigiliana?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:18 No, I love Frigiliana. Love it. I love to immerse myself in the culture.

William Hanson 0:14:23 At the Italian restaurant.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:24 The Italian restaurant. Exactly. No, we'll have a smashing time.

William Hanson 0:14:29 Can't wait.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:16:48 Welcome back, Bucketheads. We're going to read your questions now, so let's dive into our heaving bags of post. And do remember, if there's something on your mind that needs a luxury touch, postman@luxurypodcast.co.uk is the place for your queries and your questions. This first one

William Hanson 0:17:14 is from Benedicté. Lovely, exotic. Do you think they're from Borehamwood?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:17:19 No, it says, as a Parisian. Ah, oh, oh, laboratory!

William Hanson 0:17:33 Dear William and Jonathan, salut! As a Parisian, I understand luxury, or at least have inherited the God-given right to judge without bounds. Hailing from Saint-Germain-des-Prés, a neighbourhood of overpriced coffees, terrifyingly expensive knitwear, and tiny furious white dogs dragged around by women called Marie Victoire. I am now planning a move to London. While I currently see London as a combination of upstairs-downstairs and steptoes—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:17:56 Fair enough.

William Hanson 0:17:59 I'm trying to decode whether one should actually live beyond the most renowned executive postcodes. I'm looking for a healthy Range Rover to lively pub ratio where ordering a glass of wine doesn't require liquidating assets, considering Covent Garden for the full tourist experience. Please help a confused frog seeking taste for luxury living before I accidentally move somewhere described as up-and-coming by a man in loafers and a shuffle coat. Your esteemed advice is much appreciated. Benedict A.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:18:27 So, he wants to know where to live.

William Hanson 0:18:31 Yes. Well, the real— I mean, look, if you want a very nice Range Rover to lively pub ratio, it would be Chelsea, but then you are going to have to liquidate assets in order to live there because it is spenny, as Gen Z say.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:18:45 It's what?

William Hanson 0:18:46 Spenny.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:18:47 Does that mean expensive? Yeah, spenny.

William Hanson 0:18:49 Spenny.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:18:50 Okay,

William Hanson 0:18:50 I believe. Yeah, um, I would say— I'm going to— I'm going to say, dying inside having to say this, but from my limited experience of going to this part of the world, every time I've gone, yes, this is nice, not too nice, that it's, you know, it's not Chelsea, but it's perfectly pleasant. It can be expensive, but there are also more affordable places. I've got friends that live in this part of the world. Putney.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:18 Putney?

William Hanson 0:19:19 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:19 Okay. I know Putney very well.

William Hanson 0:19:22 Do you?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:23 Yes. Well, I used to live just around the corner.

William Hanson 0:19:25 In, uh—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:26 When I was at university, I lived in East Sheen.

William Hanson 0:19:29 East Sheen.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:29 Just, just up the road from Putney.

William Hanson 0:19:31 Yes. I'm told East Sheen and Putney There are some differences.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:37 In what way?

William Hanson 0:19:38 Well, I'm told one is, you know, East Sheen, and the other's Putney.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:42 East Sheen's not common.

William Hanson 0:19:44 No, no, no.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:45 Have you been to East Sheen?

William Hanson 0:19:46 Uh, well, I mean, East Sheen—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:48 so East Sheen—

William Hanson 0:19:50 Is Sheen the same as Sheen?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:52 No, I think you're getting confused.

William Hanson 0:19:54 Oh, am I?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:54 East Sheen is the poor relation to Richmond.

William Hanson 0:19:58 Yes. Now that's also spanning.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:20:00 Richmond is in a different league to Putney. Putney's more, much more kind of, well, how can you put it?

William Hanson 0:20:09 Putney?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:20:09 Putney's not that posh, is it? Well, it wasn't when I lived there. Poshish. No, it's not.

William Hanson 0:20:15 I think it's come up.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:20:16 Right.

William Hanson 0:20:18 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:20:18 Okay. I don't think Putney's very posh. So you've got Putney, East Sheen, which is—

William Hanson 0:20:25 Just pausing to hearing various friends scream at their phones.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:20:28 Probably East Sheen is a bit more You'd call it provincial to Putney. And then you've got Richmond, which is— Well,

William Hanson 0:20:37 it's Surrey technically. It's not even London.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:20:39 Where?

William Hanson 0:20:40 Richmond is technically Surrey.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:20:42 No, it's not. Who told you Richmond was in Surrey?

William Hanson 0:20:45 I think it is. Producer Sadie, could we just Google, is Richmond in Surrey?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:20:49 It's SW— is it SW14?

Speaker A 0:20:54 Greater London, not Surrey.

William Hanson 0:20:55 Oh, I thought it was Surrey. Have I got that confused with somewhere else?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:01 Yes.

William Hanson 0:21:02 Oh.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:02 Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I used to live there, so I kind of know that it's not Surrey.

William Hanson 0:21:10 And I'm very sorry I said it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:13 How about Richmond?

William Hanson 0:21:16 Yes, but again, spenny.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:17 Very spenny.

William Hanson 0:21:19 Wimbledon. Spenny, and also far out.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:21 I don't like Wimbledon very much.

William Hanson 0:21:23 Do you not?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:24 Why? No.

William Hanson 0:21:24 What have you got against Wimbledon?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:25 Don't know, didn't like it very much.

William Hanson 0:21:27 Angel is very nice.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:28 Angel? Yeah. North London.

William Hanson 0:21:31 Islington sort of vibe. And again, not, you know, parts of Angel in particular, not as spendy as Chelsea.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:38 I'm just not the right person to ask because London is not my hood.

William Hanson 0:21:42 Tufnel Park.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:43 Tufnel Park.

William Hanson 0:21:44 Very nice.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:45 It's on the way up, isn't it now? Well, no, I mean, that didn't used to be very nice, did it? Is that because— No. Gentrified?

William Hanson 0:21:52 But— oh yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:53 What about Hoxton? Oh, that's terribly arty.

William Hanson 0:21:56 I don't know if I've ever been there.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:57 Hoxton?

William Hanson 0:21:58 No.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:58 Really?

William Hanson 0:21:59 No.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:59 Oh yeah.

William Hanson 0:22:00 I've been to the Hoxton.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:01 Hoxton.

William Hanson 0:22:02 Shepherd's Bush.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:04 Shepherd's Bush?

William Hanson 0:22:06 Yes. Well, it's nice, but it's not, you know, it's not Chelsea.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:11 You'll be recommending Borehamwood next. What's going on with you? Shepherd's Bush?

William Hanson 0:22:18 That's all right.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:19 Yeah, we're helping Benedict there.

William Hanson 0:22:21 Yeah. Let us know where you end up.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:23 Where would I live if I could live in London? If I could live anywhere? Well, I just wouldn't live in London unless if I was very, very wealthy. Avenue Road near Regent's Park. One of those big houses. I could see myself along Avenue Road, take a little stroll with the girls over to Hyde Park.

William Hanson 0:22:49 No, for the girls.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:49 My dog.

William Hanson 0:22:49 Oh, your dog, sorry. You sounded for a minute like a pimp.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:58 I'd take them over. Yeah, I could see that, but I think you need, if you live there, you need probably £100 million. Yeah. It's quite spinny.

William Hanson 0:23:09 I'd like to live in Notting Hill.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:23:11 Would you?

William Hanson 0:23:12 Well, I don't know, Holland Park, maybe.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:23:15 Oh yeah.

William Hanson 0:23:15 But not over the summer.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:23:17 Why is that? Well,

William Hanson 0:23:20 I think it gets very busy with tourists.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:23:21 Oh, okay.

William Hanson 0:23:23 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:23:23 What about Primrose Hill? It's very nice.

William Hanson 0:23:25 Nice.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:23:26 Primrose Hill.

William Hanson 0:23:27 Nice. But again, spendy. I don't think Benedict is going to sort of—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:23:30 Benedict, if you want to live somewhere luxury that is not spendy—

William Hanson 0:23:35 oh, Elephant and Castle's very nice now. Very gay. I'm going to go out on a hunch, Benedict, you might be okay there. But they've really done a lovely job there.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:23:45 Have they?

William Hanson 0:23:46 Should we go on to another response?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:23:48 I think we should. Ben has been in touch. Ben doesn't sound like he's from Paris.

William Hanson 0:23:53 No.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:23:53 Dear Messrs. Hanson and Vernon-Smith, I listen to the Luxury Podcast religiously every Wednesday and Thursday, which brings me so much joy. I was especially excited to hear that William will finally be joining Jonathan for a long overdue frig on the continent. However, I was horrified that Jonathan seemed to expect William to fend for himself on the trip.

William Hanson 0:24:17 Thank you, Ben.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:24:18 Where he was specifically coming to firmly immerse himself within Jonathan's magic place. You will not.

William Hanson 0:24:28 Piff, paff, puff.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:24:35 In the same episode where Jonathan had proudly set standards, in the most luxurious way to warmly receive trade via his back door of a morning. It seemed oddly common not to arrange an agenda for William with suitable transport and local activities. Is it luxury to invite someone on your holiday while expecting them to arrange the logistics? Executively yours, Ben from London. Ben, I'm not expecting him to arrange the logistics. I will ensure that a highly packed itinerary is arranged in advance.

William Hanson 0:25:09 So, do I need to get a hire car?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:25:10 It just depends whether you want any freedom. Depends if you— what you want to do.

William Hanson 0:25:16 Well, we are— okay, so we have to— we are— the agenda there is to record the episodes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:25:22 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:25:22 Okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:25:23 Okay. We're coming back to it, and we're getting serious now. William's got his serious glasses on.

William Hanson 0:25:26 2 is going to be, you know, round by the pool at your villa, whatever. 1—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:25:31 Down the Mercadona.

William Hanson 0:25:32 Down the Mercadona.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:25:33 Yeah. Because you want to be taken around the back of it.

William Hanson 0:25:35 Indeed, yes, and do all that and smell all the Spanish cleaning products and do a little live review, maybe.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:25:40 Oh yeah.

William Hanson 0:25:40 Or live— I say live, recorded as live.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:25:43 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:25:43 Yeah, so we've got that to do. I'm gonna say that's gonna take 3 quarters of a day.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:25:48 3 quarters of a day?

William Hanson 0:25:50 We've got to get to the Mercadona, haven't we?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:25:52 So it's not far down the old Mercadona.

William Hanson 0:25:56 Okay, well, let's take half a day.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:25:57 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:25:58 Okay, we've got to do our own probably equipment, probably. So, you know, we're going to faffing around with that.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:03 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:26:03 So that's half a day.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:05 Yeah. 2 and a half days left. Or is it 4 days you're coming?

William Hanson 0:26:10 Uh, 3 nights.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:12 3 nights. Yeah. 4 days. Well,

William Hanson 0:26:15 that's why I'm thinking I might just shorten it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:19 No, I don't think you should do that. That would be very hurtful, wouldn't it? That'd be very hurtful. That'd be like slapping me in the face.

William Hanson 0:26:25 Oh, so it's all right for you— for me to get slapped in the face?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:28 I haven't slapped you in the face. You'd made assumptions about the level of— I mean, I think in some ways you—

William Hanson 0:26:37 Should I come for the whole week?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:38 For a whole week?

William Hanson 0:26:40 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:41 Uh, I'm there for longer than a week.

William Hanson 0:26:44 I'll come for 10 days.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:45 You want to come for 10 days?

William Hanson 0:26:46 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:47 Do you? Yeah.

William Hanson 0:26:50 To be fair, actually, uh, my friend Adam actually coincidentally might be there on the, uh, on the Sunday, so I might go and see him. Yeah, she messaged me.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:59 I, uh, no, we're going to be doing things together. You won't be seeing her.

William Hanson 0:27:02 Oh, you see?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:27:03 No, I will have, I will have things planned for you. Because I wondered if— do you want to go to Malaga? Do you want to do Malaga?

William Hanson 0:27:08 Why?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:27:09 Malaga. It's nice, Malaga.

William Hanson 0:27:12 Is it? How far away is Malaga?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:27:13 50 minutes.

William Hanson 0:27:14 It's a long way.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:27:16 I've got to come all the way there to pick you up from the airport.

William Hanson 0:27:19 We can't do Malaga when I arrive.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:27:21 No. No, we're not going to do that when you arrive.

William Hanson 0:27:24 Go on the way back, or—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:27:25 Oh no, I don't think so. No, you don't want to go from Malaga to the airport, do you?

William Hanson 0:27:30 No, no. Is there anywhere closer?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:27:32 What, where you want to do?

William Hanson 0:27:34 Hmm,

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:27:35 yeah, there's loads of places.

William Hanson 0:27:36 Okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:27:37 Oh yeah, it's loads of places. I

William Hanson 0:27:38 don't want to waste my time driving 50 minutes there, 50 minutes back.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:27:41 Oh, okay.

William Hanson 0:27:42 That's again another half a day.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:27:44 Yeah, well, no, there'll be plenty of things we can do.

William Hanson 0:27:47 Okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:27:48 Do you want me to take you up the old caves?

William Hanson 0:27:51 Are there bats?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:27:51 Oh, probably.

William Hanson 0:27:53 No.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:27:53 Do you know?

William Hanson 0:27:54 I mean, I don't mind bats as much as I don't mind anything else.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:27:57 Should we have bad weather though, it might be a good idea.

William Hanson 0:27:59 Okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:28:00 Because there's not much to do if the weather's bad.

William Hanson 0:28:02 Talking about little critters and stuff, I am— because, you know, West End theatres are not known for being, you know—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:28:10 No, it will be riddled.

William Hanson 0:28:12 There are a lot of, a lot of bait boxes around.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:28:15 Yeah, there will be.

William Hanson 0:28:16 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:28:17 What will happen if you're on stage as Ruth and a small rodent runs across the stage while you're there?

William Hanson 0:28:26 I'll be running in the opposite direction.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:28:27 Will you stay in character, or will you scream?

William Hanson 0:28:30 Well, to be fair, if it's during my breakdown scene, it'll play into it very nicely. If it's during more serious— if it's during the bit where the Titanic's sinking, it might ruin the vibe.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:28:44 Would it be possible for me to block book a ticket every single night of your run? Because it's suddenly now becoming quite exciting, the prospect of watching this.

William Hanson 0:28:54 I'm sure if you want to phone up the Criterion and say, I want to come absolutely every single night, they would absolutely give you a discount.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:29:00 Would they?

William Hanson 0:29:00 I don't— I'm not speaking on behalf of the producers or the theatre, but I'm, you know, they're a business.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:29:05 Yeah, because I could come with a shovel. Should you need me to get on the stage and do a Mikey.

William Hanson 0:29:14 I'll have a brick in the wings.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:29:17 Get your mother to come! Yes! Get your mother! Here comes Sarah Hansen with the brick.

William Hanson 0:29:23 No, next week luckily we are not rehearsing in the theatre, we're rehearsing somewhere else, and I'm sort of— at least that's a whole week where I'll be elsewhere.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:29:31 William, I can see already you're genuinely getting more— it's more going to be in the wings. You're getting more tense, aren't you? Don't Don't worry about it, you'll be fine. They're not going to run across the stage, are they, when you're on the stage?

William Hanson 0:29:39 It has happened. There was a performance of Six the Musical— I wasn't at it— where a rat ran across the stage.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:29:45 Well, you'd have to stay in character and you'd have to make it as part of the show, you know.

William Hanson 0:29:50 Oh, I would.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:29:50 Titanic, you're on a ship, there's loads of rats on ships, aren't there?

William Hanson 0:29:54 I always never know why are there loads of rats on ships.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:29:57 Wet. It's wet.

William Hanson 0:29:58 Oh yeah, shoot them, kill them. Gosh. But

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:30:00 surely once they're

William Hanson 0:30:01 all gone and you've chucked them overseas, then no, you're not gonna get any more on them.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:30:06 You know, it's damp, there's food down below, you know, perfect.

William Hanson 0:30:11 I'm sure there weren't any when I was on the Queen Mary.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:30:13 No, probably not.

William Hanson 0:30:14 No, better class of rat if there were. Okay, well, we're back to Friggin' Other Time. Officer Rogers: Dear Mr. Vernon Smith and Mr. Hanson, greetings from Wisconsin.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:30:26 Oh my God! Sorry, I don't know where that came from.

William Hanson 0:30:32 As a proud Gold member, I wish to express my gratitude to the both of you for creating such a fine podcast. You have provided proper backup to this officer. My uniform is always kept clean and tidy, boots and badge have a high buff polish, and my taser kept at a full charge.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:30:47 Oh, officer!

William Hanson 0:30:48 My question for you fine gentlemen is in regards to an upcoming barbecue at work. In the USA, the last Monday in the month of May signifies Memorial Day, a holiday known for barbecues.

William Hanson 0:31:02 barbecues. As everyone is expected to bring an item to share with the group, what would be a luxury and executive choice? Last year, I bought a variety of ice creams, but I don't want to be predictable and bring the same thing— far too common. I eagerly await your reply. Kindest regards, Officer Rogers.

William Hanson 0:31:17 Well, I'll tell you what you could do, and I'm inspired by our listener and our friend Luxury Luke. Oh, yeah. For the upcoming Intergenerational, which is going to be a barbecue special, we actually need to talk logistics because I will need you to turn up an hour early or thing, as, as, as you said you would.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:31:33 I will. Yeah, yeah.

William Hanson 0:31:34 Maybe not an hour, but anyway, you know.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:31:35 Can I bring the dogs, by the way? Yeah,

William Hanson 0:31:37 yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:31:37 Is that okay? They won't eat the meat. And actually, Betty is very— she's very good now.

William Hanson 0:31:44 Yeah, I know. I thought she was good when she came over last time.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:31:46 No, but she's much better.

William Hanson 0:31:48 Okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:31:48 No, she's much better. She's now like a proper dog. She's not like a silly puppy.

William Hanson 0:31:51 Oh, great. No, yeah, of course. She's quite nice. Um, What's 2 more bitches? And you've seen the guest list. Yes, what was I saying? Yes, Luxury Luke, he's bringing a slaw.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:32:11 Is he?

William Hanson 0:32:12 He is, yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:32:14 I like a slaw.

William Hanson 0:32:15 Good, you're coming to the right place.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:32:18 I like a slaw, as long as it's not too mayonnaisey, and I like a decent crunch.

William Hanson 0:32:24 Well, Luke, if you're listening, if this goes out in time, please adjust your slaw.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:32:28 Oh, I think that's quite nice. And that's a nice American thing to do as well.

William Hanson 0:32:31 Yeah, we used to call it a coleslaw. I don't know what's really happened, why we now just call it slaw, because I think coleslaw, maybe because it sounds a bit, you know, a bit septic.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:32:39 In America, they like mac and cheese at a barbecue as well.

William Hanson 0:32:43 Yeah, they do. And now you can sort of make that and then reheat it, or do it and then cook it, finish it off in the Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:32:50 By the way, I saw a bit of criticism on social media the other day. You know, when we were talking about barbecues, and I suggested that you should do an overnight brisket, because I'd love to see you all ring. And somebody said, poor old William. He said, he's not even got his barbecue yet. He's never done a barbecue, and already you're suggesting he does an overnight brisket. And it did occur that was quite cruel, wasn't it? Yes.

William Hanson 0:33:13 Yeah. We are going to keep it. I've also had some feedback that when you Called my menu Very Boreham Wood. That went down very well with certain guests. But I'm afraid you will be in Boreham Wood that evening.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:33:26 Sausages and burgers.

William Hanson 0:33:28 Steak.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:33:29 Oh, we're doing steak?

William Hanson 0:33:30 Chicken skewers.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:33:31 Steak's not Boreham Wood.

William Hanson 0:33:32 Let's replay the tape.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:33:35 No, it was more the sausages and the burgers. Well, you started with a skewer, didn't you?

William Hanson 0:33:40 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:33:40 That just had chicken.

William Hanson 0:33:42 Just a chickeny skewer. I've got time in my diary on Saturday. This Saturday, I'm going to go to the butcher's.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:33:47 Are you going to load your skewers up?

William Hanson 0:33:49 I'm gonna— well, I'm gonna see what they've got, and I'll either buy chicken and do my own skewers.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:33:53 Why don't you just get them to do it? Very often the butcher will just prepare you a barbecue spèce.

William Hanson 0:34:00 That is probably what I'll do. Yeah, because I'll be busy on the stage.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:34:03 Exactly.

William Hanson 0:34:04 Avoiding mice.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:34:05 You need a great big meat box. Do you remember? Do you remember on Treasure Quest?

William Hanson 0:34:14 Yeah, Annabelle's sweaty meat box.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:34:15 When Annabelle, she was given— we went to a, um, this was on, on the Saturday morning radio show I used to do where we used to go off around,

William Hanson 0:34:22 yeah,

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:34:23 you know, Northamptonshire and Beds, Herts, and Bucks. And we went via a butcher and they gave her a meat box to say thank you for calling by. But that was at the beginning of the show. 3 hours later, this was in the middle of the summer. 3 hours later, Annabel's meatballs had got a bit whiffy.

Speaker A 0:34:38 Sweaty meat.

William Hanson 0:34:39 You don't want that. No, no.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:34:42 Oh, well, that was exhausting. It was fabulously fun.

William Hanson 0:34:48 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:34:48 I think that'll do for this week. Should we leave it there and come back next week? We'll be back on Wednesday for one of our main episodes, but until then, goodbye.