Cinemas

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:01:08 Hello, and welcome to The Luxury Podcast. My name's Jonathan Vernon-Smith. With me is William Hanson. This is the podcast that helps you live a more luxury life.

William Hanson 0:01:28 Hello, Jonathan. I'm here to help you create the everyday moments of luxury that make life worth living, whatever your budget.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:01:34 In each episode of The Luxury Podcast, William and I tackle an area of life that we think you should upgrade, sorting the Onslows from the Hyacinths, advising the nation in gracious living. So, William, what are we going to talk about today?

William Hanson 0:01:48 Well, we are going to talk about the cinema. Or as it used to be pronounced back in the day when it first started, kinema.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:01:55 Really?

William Hanson 0:01:56 Yeah, it was a fact that was picked up on in the 3rd Downton film, and actually, it is how people used to pronounce it because they didn't really know sort of what it was. But we would now say cinema.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:07 Go to the kinema.

William Hanson 0:02:09 Kinema. Or theatre, as they would still say, movie theatre in America. Yes, but we mean the cinema.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:18 Yes. Now, are you a keen cinema-goer?

William Hanson 0:02:20 I wouldn't say I'm a keen cinema-goer. So, at time of recording, a film, a big blockbuster film that sort of came out relatively recently was Devil Wears Prada 2. Haven't seen it yet. Mainly, we were on holiday, so it came out at a very inconvenient time for me, if I'm honest. Mikey is very keen to see it in a cinema. Diaries have not aligned so far. We may see it this weekend in a cinema, but I'm also happy watching it at home when it comes out.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:45 I was going to say, what's the benefit to seeing it in a cinema?

William Hanson 0:02:50 Well, that is also my point. Yes, I would agree with you on that. If it was something I am desperate— if it was when Mary Poppins Returns came out in 2018, that I was straight there to watch that on a big screen.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:04 But isn't the point of a cinema that you have to see something that is very explosive or something that's very dramatic?

William Hanson 0:03:13 Well, the bath scene in Mary Poppins Returns was pretty good.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:16 Yeah. But if you're seeing just an ordinary film, what's the point of— because you're going to end up in a cinema full of people with their noises and their smells.

William Hanson 0:03:27 Well, if you go on sort of quite early on into release, and actually I am thinking if we do go to see Devil Wears Prada 2 this weekend, a couple of weeks after it came out, it may not be as busy, and I think that's a great appeal. Because yes, I have been to cinemas on— I'm about to say day release— on the day of release.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:48 With your tag on.

William Hanson 0:03:50 On the day a film has come out, and they've been rammed. Like, one of the— 2 of the James Bond films I saw on the first day. Wicked Parts 1 and 2, I went on the day of release, and not a single empty seat. To be fair, a very well-behaved audience. Very well-behaved audience. And that was at the the BFI IMAX, which is the huge one in the middle of the roundabout on Waterloo Bridge. And that was it. That's a big old cinema. Everyone was immaculately behaved.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:21 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:04:21 In that. But I would say if you are going to a big film on the day of release to the biggest cinema in London, you're probably going to get quite a well-behaved audience because they're committed and they want to watch the film. They don't— they're not there to tit about.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:34 Are they, um, do they have nice big comfortable seats?

William Hanson 0:04:37 The BFI did. Where we would go for Devil Wears Prada 3, it's only a sort of cinema, probably only about 40 seats. They're very comfortable. You get a little footstool, a little side table. It's quite reclined. I often go to sleep. Um, it's quite nice.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:49 If you lived in my neck of the woods, yes, you would join the Odyssey.

William Hanson 0:04:55 Ah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:55 Are you familiar with the Odyssey?

William Hanson 0:04:57 I'm not, no. The Odyssey? Homer's Odyssey?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:00 It's very, very you.

William Hanson 0:05:03 is it? The Odyssey.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:04 So, it used to be the Odeon in St Albans.

William Hanson 0:05:06 Ah, now I thought you have got multiplex written all over you.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:10 And, uh, the Odeon closed many years ago. In fact, I think it was when I was a child. I still, I remember going to the Odeon, and then it closed. And then it was bought and turned into a kind of retro cinema. And it's all, you, you can, uh, if you are a member, you can go there. You're have a table, bottle of wine, you can sit and enjoy the film. It's a kind of more almost like a bar stroke cinema for a more luxury evening.

William Hanson 0:05:41 Gosh, lovely. Yeah, okay, that sounds nice. Then actually, there are— I would say cinema chains have moved on a bit. Um, there are like the Everyman group of cinemas, I'm told. I've actually never been to one. Oh, maybe— no, tell her. I think I've been to one. Um, But my parents go to their nearest Everyman, and that is apparently quite nice, and it's a much nicer environment than those sort of big corporate cinemas, which are fine, but maybe not as nice.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:10 I just haven't been to a cinema for a very long time because—

William Hanson 0:06:13 You hate people.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:14 Well, I don't hate people. It's just the worst people always seem to go to places like that when I'm there. They wait until I've arrived, And I just can't be doing with it. You know, the last film I went to watch at the cinema was in Argentina when we went to see Wonka.

William Hanson 0:06:34 Can I just say?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:38 Yes.

William Hanson 0:06:40 Of all the films, whether you're seeing in Argentina or Harpenden, that I would not make you sit through Wonka might be near the top of the list.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:54 I liked the film. Oompa Loompa doopa dee day. I quite liked the film.

William Hanson 0:07:00 I've never sung it anymore.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:04 I don't know the rest. I liked old, what's his face in it?

William Hanson 0:07:09 Timothée Chalamet. Hugh Grant.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:11 No, Hugh Grant. He was the Oompa Loompa.

William Hanson 0:07:14 Right. Does he sing that song in it?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:16 Yes. Oompa Loompa. He did a dance. I learned it for a little while as well, just to perform that for everyone. Uh, but he did—

William Hanson 0:07:24 That was the last film you saw?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:25 Yes.

William Hanson 0:07:26 Wow.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:26 And it ended up in a row because there was— it always ends up in a row. There was a woman behind us and she had come with her small child. It was a film in English and she'd brought her child who didn't speak any English. And it was subtitled, but the child obviously couldn't read the subtitles.

William Hanson 0:07:46 Yeah, I can see where this is going.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:48 So as the film starts, she starts translating the film in Spanish to him, at which point it went on for a bit, and then it carried on, and a full-on row ensued. And eventually she moved with her child.

William Hanson 0:08:04 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:04 You know, there was a— it was an empty theatre, cinema. She could have sat anywhere else, but she chose to sit behind us and talk in Spanish all the way through.

William Hanson 0:08:15 You shouldn't talk in— you should— whether you're translating, you should not be talking in a cinema.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:20 No.

William Hanson 0:08:21 The moment those lights go down, I even get irritated. I sort of semi-allow it more, and I don't say anything, but I don't like it. I don't like people when they talk through the adverts.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:28 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:08:29 I'd rather watch the adverts than listen, and it's sort of— because you then panic. You go, are you going to be doing that when the When the film's actually on.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:35 Yeah. And then they do. They do.

William Hanson 0:08:37 Yeah, I know.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:38 And then they get the phone out, they start on the mobile phone, and then they've gone and got their massive bucket of crunchy snacks that they then want to crunch throughout.

William Hanson 0:08:48 That's why I'm a great lover of a pick 'n' mix, because they're soft sweets and they don't make any noise. You've got a little Haribo or whatever in a cardboard, you know, thing, bucket. You can eat them quite softly. Nothing to crunch.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:04 Well, I do remember when I was younger having an enormous bucket of popcorn and eating the whole thing. You ever done that?

William Hanson 0:09:14 No, I don't think I've never— I've never known anyone that gets to the bottom of the bucket.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:18 I ate the whole bucket.

William Hanson 0:09:19 Salt? Salty or sweet?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:22 It would have been salty for me.

William Hanson 0:09:24 Okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:25 And I got terrible heartburn.

William Hanson 0:09:28 No wonder.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:28 Because I'd eaten a whole bucket of popcorn. So I'm then— and have you ever had heartburn where you have to rub yourself?

William Hanson 0:09:35 No.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:35 Kind of vigorously. And I'm, I'm rubbing my chest because I'm thinking, oh my God, I'm gonna have a heart attack. It felt like that.

William Hanson 0:09:41 Does it work, rubbing your chest?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:42 Not really, but it's just so painful that I just kind of found myself feeling uncomfortable, rubbing my chest, feeling like I was about to die, and thinking, why am I here? Why have I done this to myself? Don't even like the film that much.

William Hanson 0:09:57 What's been the worst film you've ever seen in the cinema?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:00 Harry Potter. Fell asleep. Fell asleep. I started watching it.

William Hanson 0:10:05 The first one? 1 and 2?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:07 I can't remember whatever it was. It was so boring. It was so boring. And I kind of thought, okay, I'm really bored and I hate it. So how can I make the best of this situation without ruining it for everyone else? Because you know me, I can sometimes ruin things for other people. And I thought— Like Frigiliana. I'm not— don't say that. You're gonna love Frigiliana.

William Hanson 0:10:38 I love every, every long day.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:39 And I, I sat there and I thought, okay, I'll have a sleep. I'll take the opportunity rather than ruin it for everyone else. I'll have a sleep.

William Hanson 0:10:49 I think that's very magnanimous of you.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:51 So I kind of, it was a chair a bit like these muscle chairs that we're in now. And I put my arm on one arm and then I, I just cradled my head like that. And, and it was all going okay until I had nearly collapsed. Have you ever had one of those where you're falling asleep and you kind of go, whoa!

William Hanson 0:11:15 No.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:16 Yeah. So, um, yeah, I slept through that. It's a dreadful film.

William Hanson 0:11:20 I, uh, I went to go and see Les Mis, the film. Oh. And I'd never seen it before. Well, I'd seen a DVD recording of my brother's school production, which in fact had better production values than the film. Um, I hated the film.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:39 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:11:40 Hated it. Don't really like the stage show for once.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:43 I was gonna say, there's only one good song, isn't there?

William Hanson 0:11:45 One Day More.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:46 Master of the Airs. That's the only good one, isn't it?

William Hanson 0:11:50 Oh no, I don't like that one.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:51 Oh. No, I do like some of the— Too common. Which is the one you like? Sing it to us.

William Hanson 0:11:56 One Day More. One Day More. Oh no, no, I don't mean One Day More. I mean Do You Hear the People Sing?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:01 Oh, that's the one. Do you hear the people sing, singing the songs of angry men? No, no, no.

William Hanson 0:12:07 What are the other songs?

Sadie 0:12:08 I Dreamed a Dream.

William Hanson 0:12:10 Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:11 I dreamed a dream of things gone by.

Sadie 0:12:14 Empty Chairs at Empty Tables.

William Hanson 0:12:16 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:16 How does that go?

William Hanson 0:12:17 Empty chairs at empty tables.

Sadie 0:12:18 One Day More has all the songs. I'm not singing In Touch.

William Hanson 0:12:23 I mean, just make that clear.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:26 Right. Well, that sounds awful.

William Hanson 0:12:30 Yeah. I went— I remember going to see with my friends from university High School Musical 3 in the cinema, which had just come out. And again, we went uh, at an evening showing, which for that sort of film, not many people went in the evening. It was more of a daytime sort of shtick. And we almost had— you know, you're— have you ever been in a cinema where you think you will have the entire cinema to yourself? You think this is packed, fantastic. No, no, no, no, no, no. Like, it is seconds away from starting, there is not a soul in this cinema.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:04 Oh yeah, like being on a plane.

William Hanson 0:13:05 Yeah, and it's lovely, and you think, I've literally paid for my own Private cinema. And then a family came in.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:12 And sat right next to you.

William Hanson 0:13:13 Literally the seat next to me with Chinese food.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:17 With Chinese food?

William Hanson 0:13:19 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:19 You see, that's why I just can't be doing with it. I can't be doing with it. I would have had to— well, and you know me, I don't like to be controversial. I would have had to kill them with their own chopsticks.

William Hanson 0:13:30 Well, I was 19 at the time, and I didn't say anything.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:33 Oh. Awful. Who does that? I know. People who go to the cinema, that's who.

William Hanson 0:13:40 Well, I wouldn't say that's representative of, uh, depends where everyone—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:45 it depends where.

William Hanson 0:13:47 Um, so, okay, you eat popcorn. Would you eat pick-and-mix sweets?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:50 No, no, no. Okay, not really.

William Hanson 0:13:55 Um, so you're, you're also going back to The Devil Wears Prada, and you were saying that you wouldn't go and see that in the cinema because that's not sort of a big blockbuster. No. You know, there's not loads of special effects in that. But then equally, you fell asleep during Harry Potter.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:06 Yeah, but—

William Hanson 0:14:08 Well, there's also special effects.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:09 Oh yeah, but that was so boring. It was really boring. I think, um, I remember back in the day, back in the— well, it must have been in the early 2000s, going to see Bridget Jones.

William Hanson 0:14:20 Well, that doesn't have many special effects in it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:23 No, no, but that was in the day where people used to go to the cinema, and it was fun. How we laughed.

William Hanson 0:14:28 4 mobile phones.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:29 Well, how we laughed, exactly.

William Hanson 0:14:30 Really? Or mobile phones like we have them today.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:32 Mrs. Doubtfire. I remember seeing Mrs. Doubtfire in the cinema. Why are you laughing? Are you laughing because I only ever see the same few things?

William Hanson 0:14:42 Hey, I've seen Mary Poppins 45 times on stage. I can't complain.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:46 Yeah. I remember seeing Mrs. Doubtfire in the cinema and just loving it. And do you remember when I then got that flight and I watched it? and I was told off by the cabin crew because I was laughing too loudly.

William Hanson 0:14:58 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:58 Because I was just enjoying it so much, and it was bringing back the memories of that.

William Hanson 0:15:02 Was that, um, Bad Grandpa? No.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:05 Oh, that was another time. Yeah, but no, I didn't get told off by the cabin crew. Bad Grandpa. Have you seen that yet?

William Hanson 0:15:11 No.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:12 Oh, it's funny.

William Hanson 0:15:13 I'm waiting for a cinema re-release.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:15 I think you'll be waiting a long time.

William Hanson 0:15:18 I do remember the most emotion I've got was when Mary Poppins— first time I watched Mary Poppins Returns. Actually, I've got a bit of a confession, actually. Anyway, we'll come on to that. And it's sort of— the film started and then it went into the overture, and literally the first 3 notes when it said Disney Presents, that was me gone.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:40 What do you mean gone?

William Hanson 0:15:42 Floods of tears.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:42 You cried?

William Hanson 0:15:44 I cried at the overture of Mary Poppins Returns.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:46 Why would you do that?

William Hanson 0:15:49 What do you mean why? Because I obviously love Mary Poppins, and we had a new film based on the books.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:54 What, so you cried?

William Hanson 0:15:55 Uh-huh. Oh, not like, not like uncontrollably, but I can remember, you know, tears ran down my cheeks. Because I love it. I love anything to do with Mary Poppins.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:16:07 You know my grandfather that I've told you about before in previous episodes?

William Hanson 0:16:13 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:16:13 Do you know what he used to say?

William Hanson 0:16:14 What?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:16:15 We need a good war. And so sometimes when I have a conversation with you, I think maybe there was some truth in what he said.

William Hanson 0:16:26 How do you think I would be? I would—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:16:29 You'd be good in the war, actually.

William Hanson 0:16:32 Would I?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:16:32 Yeah, you would.

William Hanson 0:16:33 What, in the trenches?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:16:35 My friend—

William Hanson 0:16:36 Quick, over the top.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:16:37 My friend Ernie, uh, he had a friend called Jack who was in the Second World War. He used to tie a pink ribbon to the end of his bayonet. That would be you, wouldn't it? Yoo-hoo!

William Hanson 0:16:54 Well, I think you'll want to talk. You would, you would man the, uh, the, uh, the battalion radio station.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:17:04 I'd spritz my grenades with Enid de Praffier.

William Hanson 0:17:08 You just have to lob a bottle of Enid at a Pravia.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:17:10 Yeah, sniff on that, chaps!

William Hanson 0:17:19 Oh, well, no confession with Mary Poppins. It's not the most scandalous, but again, my brother listens. I don't think he'll care. But we had agreed with my family that we would go to watch Mary Poppins Returns as a family with my aunts and uncles and cousins, etc. Did they talk? No, they didn't talk at all. I actually don't know if James was there. Can't remember. There was one member of the family that wasn't there, probably my brother. Not sure my brother would be as interested in Mary Poppins as me.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:17:49 No, I'm sensing not.

William Hanson 0:17:50 And, um, yeah, and I had to pretend it was the first time I'd watched the film because I had previously seen it with Micah's family 2 days before. on day of release because like, no, of course I'm not waiting 3 days to go and watch Mary Poppins in the cinema. Like, come on, like, read the room, everybody. You know how obsessed I am. Of course I'm going on day release. Uh, so I did, and then I had to pretend I had to sit through it again. But to be fair, I cried again. And to be fair, I still cry if I watched it now. I'd cry.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:18:18 Are you joking?

William Hanson 0:18:19 No.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:18:20 You'd cry now if you watched Mary Poppins?

William Hanson 0:18:23 1 or 2. Or the stage show. In particular, the stage show.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:18:28 Oh, where's my bayonet? Oh, for God's sake. Oh, I better get that.

William Hanson 0:18:38 Probably the War Office.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:18:41 It's the Ministry of Defence! All of our prayers are answered! Sign up, Hanson, quick!

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:16 Welcome back, Bucketheads. We've been discussing cinemas, and it's now time for your questions. So let's check out our heaving bags of post, shall we? Do remember, if you have something on your mind that needs a luxury touch, postman@luxurypodcast.co.uk is the place for your queries and your questions.

William Hanson 0:21:42 Before we get on to the little tangent—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:45 That's not like us!

William Hanson 0:21:46 No! If a film was ever going to be made of The Luxury Podcast—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:51 Oh yeah!

William Hanson 0:21:52 This is coming to you in a minute— who would play you?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:56 Ryan Phillippe.

William Hanson 0:21:58 Who?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:58 Ryan Phillippe.

William Hanson 0:21:59 I'm gonna have to Google it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:01 I am the spitting image of Ryan Phillippe.

William Hanson 0:22:09 Well, the producers just laughed. Ryan Phillippe. That's not right. That's not you.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:35 That is— To be fair, I can see— It's like looking in the mirror. So, Ryan Phillippe would play me. Who—

William Hanson 0:22:45 Did you used to look like that when you were younger?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:47 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:22:48 Cast your mind back.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:49 Who would play you?

William Hanson 0:22:53 She's dead now, but Maggie Smith.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:55 Yeah, I can see that.

William Hanson 0:23:11 Yeah, I can see that. Or Dame Pat could've done it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:23:16 Play you?

William Hanson 0:23:17 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:23:17 Right. So you genuinely want a woman to play you?

Sadie 0:23:21 What about Tilda Swinton?

William Hanson 0:23:22 Wow.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:23:26 Who's that?

William Hanson 0:23:26 Shots fired. Let me— She's got a similar blonde quiff.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:23:29 Can I see? Tilda Swinton.

Sadie 0:23:32 That wasn't even meant as an insult.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:23:46 That does look like you. Yeah. What a handsome woman.

William Hanson 0:23:58 Okay, Producer Sadie, who's gonna play you?

Sadie 0:24:00 I thought you were gonna ask me who would play Jonathan. I've already thought about that.

William Hanson 0:24:04 Okay, who do you think would play Jonathan?

Sadie 0:24:05 Russell Crowe.

Speaker H 0:24:08 Russell Crowe?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:24:09 He's about 70!

Speaker I 0:24:11 There is a slight similarity though.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:24:13 Between Russell Crowe and me? In my mind, it's Ryan Phillippe. You say Russell— Oh my God. Oh my God! No!

William Hanson 0:24:29 Oh yeah!

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:24:36 God, is that what I've become?

William Hanson 0:24:38 To be fair, he actually— do you know who he could play?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:24:41 Who?

William Hanson 0:24:42 Andy Collins. Your colleague?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:24:48 Yeah. Oh gosh, well, that was quite offensive. Go on, you can assign someone for me. For you? I'm not sure I could be cruel enough. Who'd play William other than that woman?

William Hanson 0:25:01 Tilda Swinton.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:25:04 There must be a man who could play you.

Sadie 0:25:06 Benedict Cumberbatch.

William Hanson 0:25:07 Oh, thank you.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:25:08 Benedict Cumberbatch. Tom Hiddleston. No, uh, David Hyde Pierce.

William Hanson 0:25:13 Oh yes!

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:25:15 He'd be good.

William Hanson 0:25:15 He would be good. Yeah, he'd be excellent. Yeah, very good. Um, who could play you? It doesn't have to be a redhead because—

Sadie 0:25:24 Well, no, because I used to be blonde, so I think of myself as being blonde.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:25:27 Are you naturally that colour? No. No.

William Hanson 0:25:30 So, what is your natural colour? Like a dark brown.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:25:33 Mousy, dirty blonde.

William Hanson 0:25:36 Oh, dirty blonde?

Sadie 0:25:36 Well, I kind of, I started getting highlights when I was about 13.

William Hanson 0:25:41 Okay.

Sadie 0:25:42 So, I would say dark. Was it a cry for help?

William Hanson 0:25:43 A little bit.

Sadie 0:25:45 Dark, dark blonde, kind of brown, muted brown.

William Hanson 0:25:48 Muted. How would you describe your hair now for people that, uh— Copper. Copper?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:25:53 Copper, yeah.

William Hanson 0:25:54 Copper.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:25:56 I think I know who could play you.

William Hanson 0:25:58 Angela Scanlan. Not an actress. Rupert Grint.

Speaker J 0:26:10 Well, he hasn't acted for a while, so he could do with the work.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:15 Suck on that.

Speaker K 0:26:17 All right, Russell.

William Hanson 0:26:22 Coming to a cinema near you.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:26 Shall we do some letters?

William Hanson 0:26:28 Yes, this is from Karl with a K. Howdy folks, what luxury cinemas do you prefer in London? The Dolby Cinema at the cinema in the Power Station, Level 3, Turbine Hall B. The GT IMAX at BFI— that's the one we've previously mentioned— the Dolby Cinema at the Odeon Luxe West End. Any of the independent art cinemas in the city, or all of the above? Here in Austin, Texas, the GT IMAX at the Bullock Museum is actually my favourite. Good to know, I was always wondering.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:56 Yes!

William Hanson 0:26:57 Kept me up at night. The BFI in London is my second favourite, and the Traumpalast in Leonberg, Germany would be my third. The Dolby Cinema in the Power Station is my favourite for that format, such a beautiful and comfortable space. Do you also have luxury home cinemas? If you do, are they dedicated rooms with DCI-compatible projection and Dolby Atmos?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:27:21 Oh my God, are you sure you're listening to the right podcast, Carl?

William Hanson 0:27:25 Or do you keep it simple with just a Carl Escape and/or 4K Blu-ray with Atmos and projection? Cheers, Carl, Austin, Texas. Well, I've got 2 cinema rooms at home. I have 2 screens, actually.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:27:38 Are you joking?

William Hanson 0:27:40 No, of course I'm joking.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:27:42 Oh, it's gonna sound like I'm joking. I've just got a television, Carl.

William Hanson 0:27:44 You know, call me old-fashioned.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:27:45 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:27:46 That's all I do. We have a soundbar.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:27:48 I understood very little of what you said, Carl.

William Hanson 0:27:51 I think Carl's having a breakdown.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:27:52 But it sounded interesting.

William Hanson 0:27:54 Yes, but also, they live in America, and so they probably have the space to have that. We live in England, yeah, and our houses, particularly in London, are not massive.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:28:03 No, that's very true.

William Hanson 0:28:04 We don't have— well, if you— we might have basements depending on where you live, but, you know, they're different from sort of, you know, bonus rooms and things that they have in America. So, we don't often put in Cinemas.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:28:16 No. And if I did have a basement, I'd turn it into a panic room.

William Hanson 0:28:20 Oh, would you?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:28:21 I'd love my own panic room.

William Hanson 0:28:23 Yes. You'd spend more time in it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:28:25 We should do an episode on panic rooms. We should design our own luxury panic room.

William Hanson 0:28:29 Okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:28:30 I would love a panic room. I'd just go and lock myself in there all the time and have a panic. Jamie's been in touch, William.

William Hanson 0:28:39 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:28:39 Says, I'm an avid cinema lover, And simply despise anyone that insists on talking over what's on the screen, from the trailers onwards. We all pay for the cinema experience, so I genuinely do not understand why some people feel it's acceptable to use cinemas as a social space. It is so rude. But being British, whenever I observe this, I internally get very angry and say nothing. Or occasionally, I may let out the odd shh. Have you encountered this, William and Jonathan, and how would you deal with people that talk when in the cinema? I am instantly transported back to Panto 2025.

William Hanson 0:29:24 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:29:24 When William, I believe, punched a woman in the face.

William Hanson 0:29:31 Uh, yeah. A bit like in the theatre, I think you've got to deal with it quickly. You can't let it go on and on. You've got to nip it in the bud sooner rather than later.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:29:42 What did that woman accuse you of doing? Shoving you? Is it shoving?

William Hanson 0:29:45 Prodding, or— yeah, oh yeah, yeah, shoving. Madam, I've never shoved anyone in my life. Yeah, I think something like that. Yeah, hilarious. So, again, sooner rather than later, you turn around, give them a look. That's what you do first. Look at them. Then turn back.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:30:00 And turn back.

William Hanson 0:30:01 And then if that doesn't work, I'd maybe then give them another look with a raised eyebrow.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:30:05 Oh, you devil.

William Hanson 0:30:08 After that, confront them. But I always think it's a bit of a contradiction. You're telling someone off for talking, and then by doing so, you are then talking. But then, you know, you've forced them. They have forced you. So, I would turn around and go, excuse me, could you be quiet? That's all you need to say. I don't think you need to say—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:30:25 Excuse me, can you be quiet?

William Hanson 0:30:26 Yes, or may you be quiet, grammatically.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:30:28 You see, that's where I go for a different technique. Give us yours. I tend to be more antagonistic. I would turn around, I would say, are you going to do this throughout the whole film? Are you? I'd make it as a question.

William Hanson 0:30:40 And does that work, or do you get into arguments?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:30:42 Oh no, normally an argument ensues.

William Hanson 0:30:44 Yeah, but normally— I wonder, I've never had— other than Palladium Panto, where I was sitting next to you, and I do think you were contagious, it was, you know, I've never had an argument with anyone.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:30:51 I loved that. I loved that. And we're going to panto again this year, Oh yes, we are. Are you secretly hoping we end up having another poor— No, I'm not!

William Hanson 0:31:01 Because I want to sit through the panto and enjoy it. Especially because actually, when I go with you this year, it's the first night, so I won't have seen it. Whereas at least when I saw it with you, I had seen it once or twice before.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:31:11 Well, I'm up for a fight if we end up with Mr. and Mrs. Talker again behind us.

William Hanson 0:31:16 We've got slightly better seats this year.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:31:18 Have we?

William Hanson 0:31:19 Slightly.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:31:20 Ooh.

William Hanson 0:31:20 I think we might be on the other side.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:31:24 Yeah. But I think, um, Well, it depends, doesn't it? It depends if you're just up for a fight, because once you've said something, you've got to be— I think once you've said something, you've got to be prepared for it to go pear-shaped. You've got to kind of say, right, I'm in now, I'm gonna go for it.

William Hanson 0:31:40 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:31:41 And if the evening is ruined as a result of this, it's gone too far now, so I'm just gonna go for it. You've got to have that mentality. I don't think you can go in— if you're going to say something to someone in the cinema and say, I'm sorry, would you please just be quiet? I think you have to be prepared that it will escalate.

William Hanson 0:31:59 Okay, yeah, fair enough. But no, well, I would— Jonathan and I obviously have different approaches, but we probably agree on do it sooner rather than later. Yeah, don't sit there getting annoyed.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:32:10 No, but your panto— just to go back to your panto technique— your panto technique didn't work, did it? It escalated into a full-on row.

William Hanson 0:32:17 Well, to be fair, it worked for the first half.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:32:19 Yeah, but then the husband was basically trying to—

William Hanson 0:32:22 Yeah, well, he started— Kill both of us. Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:32:25 In the interval. Which I love.

William Hanson 0:32:28 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:32:28 I loved it so much. So fun.

William Hanson 0:32:31 It was such a shame you were sober.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:32:33 I just loved when he leant forward as we left and said—

William Hanson 0:32:41 Have you heard that episode? No.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:32:42 Oh, it's wonderful.

William Hanson 0:32:45 Oh, so much.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:32:45 As we left the cinema—

William Hanson 0:32:47 The theatre.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:32:48 Ollie—

William Hanson 0:32:49 The Palladium.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:32:49 The theatre. Ollie, get ready to beat this. As we left the theatre, having had this row with this man, as we filed past, he leapt forward to William and went, enjoy your life, you stuck-up cunt. You can imagine his face. It's a bit like that one. Finally, Alex.

William Hanson 0:33:25 Dear Jonathan— interesting spelling— and William, I do hope you can clarify a pressing matter of social decorum for me. I was under the distinct impression that when one hosts a cinematic gathering, whether in the gracious comfort of one's own tastefully appointed sitting room or the marginally less refined environs of a public cinema, there existed an unspoken understanding that all attendees would focus entirely on the film, thereby demonstrating both cultural sophistication and basic good breeding. However, I find myself afflicted with a friend who believes it perfectly acceptable to scroll endlessly through his phone, illuminating the room like Blackpool seafront, and in a feat of unparalleled rudeness, even texts me while sitting beside me. What?!

William Hanson 0:34:03 One does wonder if he intends to provide a running commentary or simply remind me of his inability to behave in polite society. Could you please confirm the correct etiquette for such occasions, so I might gently but firmly remind my friend that when one is watching a film, one ought to watch it as if one had been raised to understand the finer points of communal enjoyment rather than being reared in a barn. Yours, striving for cultural elevation in all circumstances, Alex from Chicago.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:34:27 Got a lot of American listeners today, haven't we, writing into us?

William Hanson 0:34:31 Yes, yeah, big in America. Um, I mean, I do— so, Mike and I, when we're watching TV or a film or whatever at home, Do not touch our phones.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:34:43 Yeah. But you have the conversation first, don't you?

William Hanson 0:34:46 Well, we don't, because we know what we're doing. But yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:34:49 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:34:49 But some people, some couples sit there and, you know, one of them or both of them are on their phone. It's called second screening. I don't get it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:34:56 No.

William Hanson 0:34:57 If you— like, it happened last night. We were watching something, and I just went, could you just pause it? I literally just need to respond to a work thing. Fine, we paused it for 10 seconds, I replied, and then phone went back on the side.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:35:10 Was it genuinely a work thing?

William Hanson 0:35:11 Yes, it was.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:35:13 What was it?

William Hanson 0:35:14 It was to do with the show.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:35:15 One of your new friends?

William Hanson 0:35:18 No, it wasn't one of my new friends. It was actually the company manager.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:35:21 Oh.

William Hanson 0:35:21 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:35:22 Okay.

William Hanson 0:35:22 Um, so it's fine, but I'd rather that than— because the moment— because also it distracts the moment if Mikey were to pick up his phone, or if I pick up my phone, the other could— is everything all right? What's wrong? So thus— and sometimes I have been known to do that and go, is it— should we pause it?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:35:38 Mr. Passive-aggressive.

William Hanson 0:35:41 Yeah, which is code for, we're going to pause it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:35:43 I think it's just if you know that you've got a friend or someone that you're going to watch a film with— You have the chat before. Have the chat before. Yeah. Now, uh, let's put phones on silent, shall we? Let's not look at phones.

William Hanson 0:35:52 Leave them in the kitchen.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:35:53 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:35:54 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:35:54 Let's— come on, let's have a phone-free evening.

William Hanson 0:35:57 You could always, if needs be, if it's a long film, because oh my God, films go on for so long now, You could always pause it halfway through, just have a comfort stop, freshen up, check your phone, come back. No phone.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:36:08 Sometimes I have to watch a film over several days now because they just go on and on, don't they? And I just get bored.

William Hanson 0:36:16 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:36:16 They just go on and on.

William Hanson 0:36:18 Well, talking of— again, I don't want to sound like it's my entire identity, I appreciate, at the moment, but I think I need to rewatch Titanic, the film, because I've only watched it once, and that was in 4 parts on my phone at the gym. Which apparently is not how James Cameron intended it to be watched. So, I feel actually I should probably watch it on the TV at home. But then my— but that is a long film. I mean, I know it's the length of it took the ship to—

Sadie 0:36:42 Oh, is it? I didn't know that.

William Hanson 0:36:43 Did you not know the length of the Titanic film is the length of how long it took the ship, the actual Titanic, to sink?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:36:48 Oh, cheery.

William Hanson 0:36:50 Well, yeah, that's— well, it is a sort of a relatively cheery film up and— well, not cheery, but you know, I've never watched it. Well, that's why when you went to watch Titanic a few years ago, you didn't get it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:37:02 Oh, I did get it.

William Hanson 0:37:03 No, you didn't. I did.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:37:05 It was boring. The film. The film.

William Hanson 0:37:08 The film.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:37:08 Not Titanic.

William Hanson 0:37:09 No.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:37:10 That was fantastic.

William Hanson 0:37:11 Thank you.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:37:12 Absolutely fantastic. One of the best things I've ever seen. But Titanic, the film, was so boring, I didn't watch it.

William Hanson 0:37:18 What do you mean you didn't? We must have started it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:37:20 Yeah, well, I started it. And I mean, I've seen the bit on the front. I'm flying, Jack. Yeah. Wherever I am. I've seen all that.

William Hanson 0:37:29 We're perfect. They'll cast you next.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:37:32 That's about it. That's about it.

William Hanson 0:37:34 Okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:37:35 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:37:36 Well, I'm gonna rewatch the film this weekend, I think.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:37:40 Okay.

William Hanson 0:37:40 But maybe in 2 parts, because it is long.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:37:42 Over 2 days.

William Hanson 0:37:44 Over 2 days, but on a proper screen.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:37:45 Yeah, lovely.

William Hanson 0:37:46 But yeah, I think again, it's communication, Alex, with your friend. We're not— or, or go, don't come over and watch a film. We'll just chat. If you can't, if you have to be on your phone, we'll just chat.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:37:56 I don't think watching things with friends is a very good idea unless you're coming together to watch something specific.

William Hanson 0:38:05 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:38:05 You know, the finale of something. Or if you and I got together and we said, shall we put on a Keeping Up Appearances?

William Hanson 0:38:12 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:38:12 And we'd watch that, and we'd— oh, we'd have a laugh, wouldn't we? We'd have a lovely laugh.

William Hanson 0:38:16 You can't have a laugh if you're distracted by your phone. No, no, quite agree.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:38:20 Well, there we go. I think that'll do.

William Hanson 0:38:22 Yes, I think so.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:38:23 Don't you agree? Shall we come back tomorrow for one of our bonus episodes?

William Hanson 0:38:26 Um, okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:38:28 Yeah, why not? But if you can't make that, we'll be back next Wednesday for one of our main episodes as well. We're not sure what we're going to talk about yet, are we?

Speaker L 0:38:37 Birthdays.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:38:37 Birthdays? Oh, this is going to be fantastic.

William Hanson 0:38:40 Lovely.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:38:42 But for now, goodbye!

William Hanson 0:40:28 Listen and watch wherever you get your podcasts.