Airports (Frigiliana Special)

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:01:34 Hola, and welcome to The Luxury Podcast. My name's Jonathan Vernon-Smith. Jonathan Vanonschmidt. And with me is William Hanson. This is—

William Hanson 0:01:55 You're not going to Spanish me up?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:01:56 William Hanson. This is the podcast that helps you live— I

William Hanson 0:02:03 think we might just have been cancelled.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:08 This is the podcast that helps you live a more luxury executive and Spanish life.

William Hanson 0:02:16 Yes. Buenos días. Jonathan and I are here to help you create the everyday moments of luxury that make life worth living. whatever your budget.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:22 Now, in each episode of The Luxury Podcast, William and I tackle an area of life that we think you really should upgrade, sorting the Onslows from the Hyacinths, advising the nation in gracious living. So, William, before we get onto today's topic, we should tell our listeners where we are filming from today.

William Hanson 0:02:41 Yes, we are beside your pool in your luxury villa with executive features in Frigiliana.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:48 Yes.

William Hanson 0:02:49 We're here, we're queer, we're in Andalusia. This is our Frigiliana special.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:54 We are frigging all over the Costa, and we don't care who knows.

William Hanson 0:02:59 Exactly. And I feel this trip— I mean, thank you, Bucketheads, for persevering with our discussion about frig. 'Cause so many people would be saying to me, was it— when is it? Is it like next week? Right? No, it's in like 3 months' time.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:14 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:03:15 In fact, I think at one point it was in 4 months' time.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:16 Well, we've got a lot to discuss. Let's start at the beginning.

William Hanson 0:03:20 Well, let's start the night before, shall we?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:22 Oh, okay. Yes.

William Hanson 0:03:23 Where we were— well, again, still during the week. I said previously on last week's episode, you were going, have you packed? When it was 2 weeks to go. Still with 3 days to go, you were saying to me, have you packed? No, I did the day of.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:36 Yes, but I've seen your packing.

William Hanson 0:03:37 Well, it's—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:39 It's not up to and beyond British standards.

William Hanson 0:03:42 Well, it's not in this case, 'cause I have brought a suitcase that is too big for the amount of clothes I'm bringing, because I have bought a bigger suitcase to take the Spanish cleaning products back that we have bought.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:52 We've already been to the Mercadona.

William Hanson 0:03:54 We have done the Mercadona.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:55 We've done the Mercadona.

William Hanson 0:03:56 You can see that on our Luxury Members Club.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:58 Yes. We went round the back.

William Hanson 0:03:59 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:00 Was there Guardia Civil to be had?

William Hanson 0:04:03 Nope.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:04 Not a sausage.

William Hanson 0:04:05 Nothing.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:11 No.

William Hanson 0:04:12 No. So we did pack in the end. That was all fine.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:15 So I was already here.

William Hanson 0:04:17 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:18 I came out on the Wednesday and you were arriving on the Friday. And I messaged you on the Thursday. I said, you ready? And you were watching The Crown, which I'll be honest, really irritated me because I was thinking, gosh, I bet he's in bed, ready for an early night.

William Hanson 0:04:39 No, I was in the sitting room.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:40 He was watching The Crown.

William Hanson 0:04:41 I actually, by that point, had packed, bar my sponge bag.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:44 Your sponge bag. What's your sponge bag, love?

William Hanson 0:04:47 Toiletries bag.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:49 Sponge bag.

William Hanson 0:04:50 Do you not call it a sponge bag? No. I call it a

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:53 sponge bag. I'm not 80. Have a bed bath. Sponge bag.

William Hanson 0:05:10 I called it a sponge bag all my life.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:13 It

William Hanson 0:05:13 doesn't have a sponge in

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:16 it. Sponge bag. So you'd done everything apart from your sponge bag?

William Hanson 0:05:19 Yeah, because I do that in the morning.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:21 So the next morning you had a car booked?

William Hanson 0:05:25 I did.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:26 Was it an Uber Luxe?

William Hanson 0:05:27 It wasn't an Uber Luxe, no. You know me, vox populi, vox Dei. It was an Uber Exec.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:32 Amazing. You slummed it in an Exec?

William Hanson 0:05:35 I did. I nearly didn't make it, as I said to you at the time.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:38 What happened?

William Hanson 0:05:39 Well, as I said last week, we have new neighbours. And their car now has a bike rack on it. Without bikes currently.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:46 Oh, like the skis.

William Hanson 0:05:48 Yes, like the skis.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:49 Licence, skis.

William Hanson 0:05:50 Yeah, I mean, 10 past 4, the alarm went off and I was cursing you. But then by the time I left the house at 10 to 5, I was— the car was— the Uber was there on the road, pulled up for me. I wheel my case out between my car and next door's car. Huge gap. Did not see, 'cause it was dark, the black bike rack. And so I walked into it, the bike rack at eye level.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:17 Oh my word.

William Hanson 0:06:18 And it whacked into my eye, and I dropped to the floor and screamed.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:21 Of course you did. Yeah. In a manly way.

William Hanson 0:06:24 Of course. Yeah. Goes without saying. You said it anyway, but it goes without saying. And the Uber driver got out the car, insisted I went inside for a glass of water.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:33 He recognised you were a man.

William Hanson 0:06:35 Yep. And I did, I had some dirt on my eyebrow from the bike rack.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:44 Gosh. You are so butch. You are reeking of butch.

William Hanson 0:06:50 Well, no, because I went into the downstairs loo and got some Christian Dior hand soap and wiped it off me. So it was okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:56 Did you have a little quiet cry?

William Hanson 0:06:57 No. No, actually I didn't. I held it together.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:00 Well done. Well done. See, you're evolving.

William Hanson 0:07:03 I am. And after that, all smooth sailing to the airport.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:11 Oh yes. Now, you were going from Heathrow.

William Hanson 0:07:13 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:14 See, I'd had to go from Gatwick, which was— well, to be honest, it wasn't that bad. So, getting to Gatwick was fine.

William Hanson 0:07:21 North or South Terminal?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:22 South Terminal. And got to Gatwick and had a bike tweet. Unfortunately, it was a scan a QR code, order at the table.

William Hanson 0:07:31 Oh.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:32 But they were very efficient. And got on the plane. I was flying with an airline I've never flown with them. Have you ever heard of Vueling?

William Hanson 0:07:40 Yes, I've flown Vueling.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:41 Have you flown Vueling? Yes. So, I got on a Vueling and boarded the plane in record time.

William Hanson 0:07:48 Really?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:48 I thought, this is good. Gonna be there early. And everyone was getting on the plane. I thought, this is fantastic. What an efficient airline. Got on the plane and sat down, and then the captain came on and said, I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen, to announce— well, he said, I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen. He was Spanish. He said, we've got a technical problem with the plane, and we've got our technical team on the way. They'll be here shortly. It will be an hour to fix it.

William Hanson 0:08:20 Oh my gosh.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:20 I'll keep you posted. 2 and a half hours it was before we took off on that plane. I had a baby behind me. Kicking my seat.

William Hanson 0:08:28 Oh, lovely. Yeah, you must have been a joy.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:30 Oh, I was loving every minute of it. So, yeah, so how was your flight? Was it more smooth?

William Hanson 0:08:35 Peachy. Oh, seat 1A, no problems.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:38 Of course it was.

William Hanson 0:08:38 I did actually, in the lounge before, I was helping myself to some food, and someone came up to me and said, oh, hello, you know, I like your TikToks, etc. I said, oh, thank you so much indeed. I said, what are you doing? He said, I'm going on holiday, going to Switzerland. He said, oh, what are you doing? I said, well, I'm going— oh, where are you going? he said. I said, I'm going to Malaga. And there was just a slight flicker over his face. And I went, it's for sort of work. He went, oh, okay. Yeah, not very on brand.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:10 Oh! Well, that's 'cause he thought you were turning right. Mm. You see, when you fly to Malaga—

William Hanson 0:09:17 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:17 You could turn right. Where you've got the Torremolinos and Marbella set.

William Hanson 0:09:23 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:24 Or you could turn left where you go to Frigiliana.

William Hanson 0:09:28 And Nerja.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:29 And Nerja. A better class of foreign visitor.

William Hanson 0:09:33 Well, if I ever see him again, I shall tell him.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:35 Yes. I'm going to Málaga, but I'm turning left.

William Hanson 0:09:39 I do hope he starts listening to the podcast if he's presumably, you know, Googled or something, checked out my socials, seen the link in the bio.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:47 Where you were going, yeah.

William Hanson 0:09:48 Just so he can understand why I'm here.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:51 So, you arrived in Málaga.

William Hanson 0:09:52 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:53 And I picked you up.

William Hanson 0:09:54 What a funny airport that is.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:56 It is a funny airport, yeah.

William Hanson 0:09:57 There's like the bridge down to passport control is very springy.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:01 It is, yes.

William Hanson 0:10:03 It's very springy to the point where you think, oh, this is gonna withstand all of us.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:07 Oh yeah, welcome to Spain.

William Hanson 0:10:08 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:09 So, I picked you up and drove you back. And I know that you were thinking in your mind, You thought, I'm going to the Costa del Sol. It's gonna be hideous.

William Hanson 0:10:19 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:19 You thought you were arriving in hell. Can you just confirm that Frigg is not hell?

William Hanson 0:10:26 It's not hell at all. It's not even close to hell.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:29 Good, good.

William Hanson 0:10:30 It's very nice. It's very relaxed.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:32 How would you describe the arrival at Frigg when we came up the mountain road and I showed you the little pueblo?

William Hanson 0:10:41 The what?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:41 The little pueblo.

William Hanson 0:10:43 I told you to put it away.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:44 I showed you my little pueblo. And I saw a glint in your eye, William.

William Hanson 0:10:53 I thought, later on, I'll take him up Taurox. Taurox is a nearby town.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:02 Well, we came— I took you up the Campo.

William Hanson 0:11:05 You did, 'cause we are in the Campo now.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:07 We are in the Campo. Hence, Can you just listen? Listen. Did you hear a cock?

William Hanson 0:11:13 I did hear a cock.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:18 Right on cue, there was a cock.

William Hanson 0:11:20 A cock in the campo. Who'd have thought?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:24 Cock in the campo, William. You see?

William Hanson 0:11:27 Oh, there he goes again.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:29 Oh, look at these. We're surrounded by cocks.

William Hanson 0:11:32 The trip is looking up. Frigiliana, guaranteed to make you come again. Oh dear. No, so we're here. No, it's very nice. Everything's beautifully white, and you've said that's because there is regulation that all houses have to be painted white.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:54 Yes.

William Hanson 0:11:54 They can paint their front doors whatever colour they like.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:56 They can, yes. And all the villas, I think it would be safe to say, the villas are all luxury.

William Hanson 0:12:05 Well, I've only seen this one.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:06 Set in the mountain. Yes, but look to your left. Look at the villas in the mountain. They're beautiful.

William Hanson 0:12:12 And how many of the villas around here do you know?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:14 Oh, none.

William Hanson 0:12:15 None? You know that one down there, don't you?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:20 What do you mean, know it?

William Hanson 0:12:21 Well, you know of it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:23 What do you mean, know of it?

William Hanson 0:12:24 You've been trying to get us to hire it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:25 Oh, what, that one down there?

William Hanson 0:12:27 Yeah. What's it called?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:35 We won't be revealing the name of that villa. We will not be revealing the name of that villa.

William Hanson 0:12:43 No, we can't spell it really.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:45 No, because in English, that villa is very rude.

William Hanson 0:12:49 Very rude.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:50 Yeah. But it'd be lovely if you had that.

William Hanson 0:12:52 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:53 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:12:53 Well, maybe I'd rename it if I had it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:56 Why did they name it that? Does yours

William Hanson 0:12:58 have a name actually? You don't need to give it out. Yes, it does. Does it have a little plaque? Of

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:02 course it does.

William Hanson 0:13:03 Oh, I haven't seen that.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:04 Haven't you rung my bell?

William Hanson 0:13:05 No, because you opened the gates for us.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:07 Oh, yes, I did. Yeah, yeah.

William Hanson 0:13:08 I mean, you're driving up, up, up the Campo with the ravine.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:12 Oh, that was hilarious. I went— so, as we arrived at the villa, so anyone that's ever been to Frigg, you'll know that you kind of, you come up the mountain. If you're in the Campo, you come up the mountain, and then most of the villas, you go down a little kind of windy track. And the track to this villa is— there's literally sheer drops on either side. So, I went extra fast just to really give you the whole experience.

William Hanson 0:13:41 Yeah, that was great.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:42 But you loved it.

William Hanson 0:13:44 Oh, I loved it when we finished. When we arrived. Yeah, that was absolutely fine.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:49 Yeah. So, you arrived in Frigg, you arrived at the villa,

William Hanson 0:13:53 Yep.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:54 And what was your first impression?

William Hanson 0:13:56 Beautiful.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:56 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:13:57 Lots of fruit trees.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:58 Yes.

William Hanson 0:13:59 The figs.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:00 I took you to sample my figs.

William Hanson 0:14:02 I did. I've had a figaliana.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:03 Yeah, a figaliana. Popped it in. A

William Hanson 0:14:07 fig in frig.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:08 We picked a couple of mangoes.

William Hanson 0:14:09 You got 2 big ones.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:10 I did get a couple of big ones.

William Hanson 0:14:12 And you've shown me, what was the other tree? Oranges, but they're green still.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:15 We've got oranges, we've got lemons, we've got avocados. This is an avocado tree here.

William Hanson 0:14:20 Is it? Yes. What's that one there?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:22 That one, that big one. To your left. That's avocado.

William Hanson 0:14:25 Gosh.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:26 Oh, what? That's that cock again.

William Hanson 0:14:29 Noisy cock.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:29 You might not be able to hear the cock, Bucketheads.

William Hanson 0:14:36 No, probably not.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:36 But there's definitely a cock. And it's livid.

William Hanson 0:14:40 Listen. People don't listen to this for cock. It's not what our market wants.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:50 So anyway—

William Hanson 0:14:52 We are thinking of calling this episode Carry On Up the Campo.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:55 Carry On Up the Campo. So, when you arrived at the airport, and you thought it was an odd airport.

William Hanson 0:15:02 Very odd airport.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:03 Yeah. So, I'd parked the car in the general car park. Trying to find you was a real car park.

William Hanson 0:15:10 You had no idea where you parked.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:12 I mean, the car park was miles away from the arrivals area, wasn't it? We had to walk all the way down the back route, down by the bins.

William Hanson 0:15:20 And on multiple floors where we'd set off and you'd go, no, no, this isn't it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:24 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:15:25 We'd have to then go back.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:26 I think we went up in a lift and had to come back down, didn't we?

William Hanson 0:15:29 Yep.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:29 I hadn't got a clue where I was.

William Hanson 0:15:30 No.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:31 But I finally got you.

William Hanson 0:15:32 And we listened to some beautiful Spanish radio.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:35 Yes, yes. I picked you up in the Sportage.

William Hanson 0:15:37 Especially hired Sportage.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:39 Oh yes.

William Hanson 0:15:40 What car would you normally sort of get?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:42 A smaller car.

William Hanson 0:15:43 Really?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:44 Yeah, yeah. But I've got to be well-powered. I cannot be underpowered, William.

William Hanson 0:15:49 Not on these hills.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:50 No, you've got to have the power for the hills. So, I demanded a Sportage.

William Hanson 0:15:55 Well done.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:56 So, I picked you up in the Sportage, and we came back, and then we had a spot of lunch.

William Hanson 0:16:03 Gorgeous lunch. Can we have that lunch tomorrow? I know we went out for lunch today, but I'd sort of like that lunch tomorrow.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:16:09 We can do that.

William Hanson 0:16:09 Can I put in my request?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:16:10 Of course we can, yeah.

William Hanson 0:16:11 We had lovely pâté.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:16:13 Frigiliana lunch.

William Hanson 0:16:14 We had some brie and tomatoes, which you drizzled some olive oil over it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:16:20 With basil.

William Hanson 0:16:20 Some lovely baguette.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:16:21 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:16:22 What else did we have? Pâté. Yeah, I've said that.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:16:25 Chorizo.

William Hanson 0:16:26 Figs, yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:16:27 Ham.

William Hanson 0:16:27 That was kind of it, I think. It's very nice.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:16:31 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:16:31 Very lovely.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:16:32 Simple.

William Hanson 0:16:33 And last night after dinner, we had some lovely Andalusian ice cream.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:16:37 Oh, we did. What did you— you had a Malaga.

William Hanson 0:16:40 I would have that Malaga again. I might have it tonight.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:16:43 What was in the Malaga?

William Hanson 0:16:44 Rum and raisin.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:16:45 Oh, you like a rum— you like funny ice cream, don't you?

William Hanson 0:16:48 What's funny about rum and raisin?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:16:50 Well, you— there's that cock.

William Hanson 0:16:53 Jonathan, we can't keep breaking off a cock. We've got to be professional.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:17:02 I just love the way it's decided to make an entrance.

William Hanson 0:17:17 Well, this cock, we should say, is somewhere in the distance over the valley.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:17:20 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:17:21 I mean, it's very faint.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:17:22 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:17:22 Good. I mean, if you can hear it, Bucketheads, then— there it goes again. I thought they're only meant to sort of happen to wake you up in the morning.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:17:31 In Spain, you can get cocked.

William Hanson 0:17:45 I've never had so much cock on holiday.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:17:48 I think it's hungry.

William Hanson 0:17:53 Do you think there might be 2? A cock or two. We've had a drink.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:18:11 Oh, we have, but we're having a lovely old time.

William Hanson 0:18:13 We are having a lovely old time. Let's just talk about airports in general, shall we? Jonathan, I'm going to get annoyed with you. Do you prefer Heathrow to Gatwick?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:18:35 Definitely.

William Hanson 0:18:36 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:18:36 Yeah, no, he throws so much nice—

William Hanson 0:18:38 I tell you what I don't like about Gatwick. When you are arriving, you have to go through un-air-conditioned corridors that go on for hours.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:18:45 For hours.

William Hanson 0:18:46 Before you get to passport.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:18:47 I know, I know, I know.

William Hanson 0:18:49 It's horrible.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:18:50 It's ridiculous.

William Hanson 0:18:51 It is a horrible airport. I mean, I know people— we've talked about this before, and I know we have people that sort of listen that are Gatwick people. I apologise. It's horrid.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:00 Yeah, but it's not as bad as some others. I mean—

William Hanson 0:19:03 What's the worst airport you've ever been to?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:06 I would say that Gatwick is better, in my experience, than— certainly better than Luton.

William Hanson 0:19:15 Yeah, well, you fly from Luton a little bit, don't you?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:17 Because it's near you. Oh, not really. Yeah, but not really. So, I would say—

William Hanson 0:19:22 Do they not fly to this part of the world?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:23 Yeah, yeah, they do.

William Hanson 0:19:24 You just choose not to?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:26 Yeah. Yeah.

William Hanson 0:19:29 You choose— you live bloody miles away from Gatwick.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:31 I know I do. I know, I know. But I drove to Gatwick.

William Hanson 0:19:35 Would you normally take the flight I took? Because there's only one British Airways flight to Malaga, I believe.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:39 Yes, I was booked on the British Airways flight from Heathrow.

William Hanson 0:19:43 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:43 But they cancelled it on the Wednesday and moved it to Gatwick. So, that's why I'm in the predicament I'm in.

William Hanson 0:19:49 Yeah. And you're flying back into Gatwick? Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:52 Well, of course, the cars.

William Hanson 0:19:53 Gosh, did you airport parking?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:58 Yeah. Oh yeah.

William Hanson 0:20:00 Oh, money to burn.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:20:00 Yeah. Oh, executive bendy bus.

William Hanson 0:20:03 Or as Jonathan just calls it, a bus.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:20:06 A bus. Yeah. So, but I, I mean, it's all worth it when you're here.

William Hanson 0:20:15 Oh yes. No, it's, it's been absolutely, it's been absolutely fine. Are you in? Are you a get-to-the-airport-with-2-and-a-half-hours-to-go sort of person?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:20:22 Yes. 3. 3? 3 if possible.

William Hanson 0:20:25 3?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:20:26 Well, I don't like to be stressed. You do remember when we went to Dubai?

William Hanson 0:20:31 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:20:32 I was there 3 hours before.

William Hanson 0:20:34 Yeah, you were. I was in that lounge, actually. Every time I go into that lounge and I see that horse— We should recap for those that haven't heard our Keeping Up Appearances QE2 special from when we were the Keeping Up Appearances podcast. In the British Airways, in fact, in both the business and first-class lounge, I think they might even be elsewhere in the airport, they have sort of life-size replicas of horses.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:20:58 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:20:58 In little jackets. And they're very realistic, to the point where whoever moulded it has decided to keep the moulding of the horse's arsehole on the back.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:08 Anus. Anus horribilis.

William Hanson 0:21:12 And it's like, what? You could have just made that smooth. But next time you're in the BA lounge, or you're in Heathrow Terminal 5, or anywhere else where they have these horse statues, have a look round the back, and they've got the hole there.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:26 They have, yeah. Very prominent. And it kind of winks at you, doesn't it?

William Hanson 0:21:30 It does after a few gibs.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:32 Yeah, it's there winking at you.

William Hanson 0:21:33 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:34 But no, they don't have that arsehole in Gatwick. It doesn't exist.

William Hanson 0:21:40 I— ask me when I got to the airport. In relation to my flight.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:44 When?

William Hanson 0:21:45 With an hour and a half to go.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:46 Oh, William!

William Hanson 0:21:47 I think that's normal.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:48 That's very sloppy.

William Hanson 0:21:50 That's when I get to the airport most for most flights.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:52 Oh no, that's very annoying. Are you— you're not one of those people that arrives on the plane late?

William Hanson 0:21:57 No.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:57 I can't bear that. You know when you're on the plane, and then you get this kind of— normally a couple, and they're all red in the face and stressed, and they come running along, kind of looking at everyone as if to say, oh, we've had such a stressful morning. And I think— You silly billies! You should have turned up earlier!

William Hanson 0:22:16 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:17 Putting us all through it, having to wait for you on the tarmac.

William Hanson 0:22:20 Do you drink in an airport? I mean, you were flying quite early. Did you have a drink?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:24 I don't— I'll be honest with you, William. Now, this is where I might surprise you.

William Hanson 0:22:28 Yeah?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:28 I am not a morning drinker.

William Hanson 0:22:30 Oh, you were when we went to Dubai.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:32 What do you mean?

William Hanson 0:22:33 Well, we drank in the lounge.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:35 I— that wasn't morning. I think it was lunchtime.

William Hanson 0:22:40 Oh, was it?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:40 Yes.

William Hanson 0:22:41 Oh, okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:41 Yeah, it was lunchtime.

William Hanson 0:22:42 Oh, fine.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:43 No, I do not—

William Hanson 0:22:44 I thought it was like 9 o'clock.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:45 Well, it might have been mid-morning, but that's different. What I do not like is I don't like the kind of 6 o'clock in the morning, I'm going to suddenly turn up at a bar and drink.

William Hanson 0:22:57 Who does that?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:58 Well, I don't know. Some people say that there's no normal time in an airport.

William Hanson 0:23:04 Oh, there is.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:23:06 Well, I—

William Hanson 0:23:07 I think it's a pathetic excuse.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:23:08 I just don't like— in the morning, if I arrive at the airport, you know, I need coffee. I don't need alcohol.

William Hanson 0:23:14 No.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:23:14 You know.

William Hanson 0:23:15 Do you buy duty-free? Are you a duty-free person?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:23:19 No. But I like to drench myself in it.

William Hanson 0:23:22 Oh, do you?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:23:23 Oh, yes. I went straight to the Christian Dior counter. Drenched myself in the Ambre Nuit.

William Hanson 0:23:30 The what?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:23:30 Ambre Nuit.

William Hanson 0:23:32 Ombre Nuit?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:23:33 Yes. I— Yeah, so I spritz myself in that. And I like to get to the gate early.

William Hanson 0:23:43 Yeah, I like to be there when it still says, please take a seat.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:23:46 Yeah. I like to be— You know when they say boarding group number 1?

William Hanson 0:23:51 Mm. And then you wait for your group to be called.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:23:53 I like to be there, and I like to get to the front, see? Any chance you could board group 3? And sometimes they let me.

William Hanson 0:24:02 Oh, really?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:24:03 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:24:04 Genuinely?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:24:05 Yeah. I like to board early.

William Hanson 0:24:06 Well, that's anarchy if they're doing that.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:24:08 Because when I get on the plane, I presume, like me, you have to give everything an antibac spritz.

William Hanson 0:24:14 Uh, Mikey does that more.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:24:16 I have my wipes, and I like to wipe everything. The Hand armrests, the tray, the little nozzles for your aircon.

William Hanson 0:24:29 Oh, I didn't touch them anyway.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:24:31 The seatbelt, all the seatbelt, I like to antibac wipe. And then I like to look around and judge who looks like a clean person. And if I see someone clean that's looking uncomfortable, I say, would you like a wipe? I offer my wipes to them.

William Hanson 0:24:49 Well, that's very kind of you. You're very generous.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:24:51 I just think it's nice to be anti-backed at the beginning of a flight.

William Hanson 0:24:55 Would you like to work in an airport?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:24:58 No.

William Hanson 0:24:59 No.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:25:00 Would you?

William Hanson 0:25:00 Yeah, I'd quite like to do check-in. I've always sort of quite liked the process of check-in, 'cause you have the power to either upgrade, put a little note on the system. I like doing the tag things.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:25:12 Oh.

William Hanson 0:25:13 I would do it for an hour, and then I'd probably be done.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:25:15 I had to do my own label with Welling.

William Hanson 0:25:18 Oh.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:25:19 And I made a right mess of it.

William Hanson 0:25:21 Of course you did.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:25:21 I was trying to put it on the luggage, and I got it all creased, and I was worried it was going to play havoc with my barcode. So I said to the lady, is this going to cause problems with my barcode? She said, nah. And it didn't.

William Hanson 0:25:34 And did you have your rainbow straps? Of

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:25:37 course I did. Shut it, lock it, rainbow straps. How every moment of travel should start.

William Hanson 0:25:46 Oh, now I can't hear the cockerel, but I can hear the phone.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:25:52 Yeah, I better get that. It's probably Manuel.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:27:41 Welcome back, Bucketheads. We've been discussing airports and travel to frig Now it's time for your questions. So, let's check out our heaving bags of post, shall we? You alright, William?

William Hanson 0:28:08 I'm just readjusting. I felt I was a little bit recumbent.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:28:10 Is that anywhere? If you have something on your mind that needs a luxury touch, postman@luxurypodcast.co.uk is the place for your queries and your questions. And a reminder, you can watch all of these episodes on Patreon.

William Hanson 0:28:27 And bonus content, Jonathan.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:28:28 Absolutely, bonus content. You will not want to miss what has happened this weekend.

William Hanson 0:28:36 Indeed.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:28:36 So, do go to luxurypodcast.co.uk to join.

William Hanson 0:28:41 This first one is from Rick. Hello, gentlemen. I'll get straight to my question. Is it ever appropriate to wear flip-flop sandals in an airport or on an aeroplane? Personally, I cannot stand looking at someone's bare feet in a public place that isn't a beach or pool area. And don't get me started on passengers who slip off their sandals on an aeroplane and put their bare feet on the bulkhead wall or on the tray table. Please share your thoughts on this topic so that others may learn proper travel etiquette. Yours faithfully, Rick. Well, quite agree. You hate feet.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:29:08 Feet should never be seen, in my view. Hide your feet at all times. No one needs to see a foot.

William Hanson 0:29:17 No.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:29:18 People who travel with flip-flops— and call me old-fashioned— but they should be tasered.

William Hanson 0:29:24 At the gate?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:29:25 At the gate. Tasered within an inch of their life.

William Hanson 0:29:29 On the foot?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:29:30 On the foot. On the big toe.

William Hanson 0:29:33 Maybe what we could do to people that wear inappropriate shoes on the plane— Jonathan's just kicking off a wasp— is to ensure that they are wearing proper shoes where the toes are covered. If we could drop a weight on their feet.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:29:48 Good thinking, William.

William Hanson 0:29:49 And then they'll learn. And say, that wouldn't have hurt as much had you been wearing a proper shoe. Had you been in a brogue, you would've had some bounce.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:29:55 Yes. You're not a maid. If you're a maid, fine, wear a flip-flop.

William Hanson 0:30:01 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:30:01 But if you're travelling to Europe or continental—

William Hanson 0:30:06 Anywhere, to be honest.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:30:07 Put a shoe on, for goodness' sake!

William Hanson 0:30:10 What sort of shoes have you got on today? They're a bit funny.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:30:13 These are a— they're kind of a kind of— They

William Hanson 0:30:16 don't have a back to them.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:30:17 No, they don't.

William Hanson 0:30:18 You're not gonna slip out of them.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:30:19 No, they're very comfortable, actually.

William Hanson 0:30:21 Okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:30:21 They're a suede slip-on. But they cover the foot.

William Hanson 0:30:26 They do cover the foot.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:30:27 I think that's best.

William Hanson 0:30:28 So you don't mind a heel being on display?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:30:30 I don't mind a heel. I just don't think it's nice to see toes.

William Hanson 0:30:34 No.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:30:34 Disgusting. The Spanish call them finger feet.

William Hanson 0:30:38 Oh.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:30:39 And I think that sums it up. No one needs a finger foot.

William Hanson 0:30:42 So what did— I mean, I'm going to ask this question. What did you— we all know the answer. What did you fly in?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:30:47 What do you mean?

William Hanson 0:30:47 Clothes-wise.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:30:48 Oh, I had Action slacks.

William Hanson 0:30:51 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:30:51 A manly polo. And some deck shoes.

William Hanson 0:30:56 Oh, deck shoes?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:30:57 Yeah, I did have deck shoes on.

William Hanson 0:30:58 Oh, plus de change.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:30:58 Yeah. Well, I'm on holiday. Carefree.

William Hanson 0:31:01 I did a shirt and some long trousers. It's the only pair of long trousers. Oh no, actually not true. Actually, the trousers I'm gonna wear tonight are long.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:31:07 Oh.

William Hanson 0:31:08 I'm going long tonight.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:31:09 Nice.

William Hanson 0:31:10 Yeah, 'cause a little bit more formal tonight?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:31:12 No.

William Hanson 0:31:13 Oh.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:31:13 Listen, you've absorbed Frick. You've absorbed Noercher.

William Hanson 0:31:17 It's in my veins.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:31:19 You can see it's not a formal kind of place.

William Hanson 0:31:22 There must be somewhere a little bit formal.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:31:24 Not really.

William Hanson 0:31:24 So when am I wearing my jacket?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:31:26 You brought a jacket with you? You're not going to wear that here. No, I don't think there's any way you'd wear a jacket here.

William Hanson 0:31:35 Well, that's a great shame. Do you want to do Avon?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:31:37 I'd love to.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:31:39 Dear Jonathan and William, I cannot wait to hear your foray to Frigg. In the meantime, you may be able to help with an airport-related conundrum. I always get pulled aside by security. I'm not someone who looks like a ne'er-do-well. I would fit in more at Pond Court than down the local park imbibing or supplying substances of the illegal variety.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:32:04 I'm beginning to wonder if my squareness makes me suspicious. As I may well be the unremarkable type a criminal may find a suitable mule to convey their contraband. Should I get a nose piercing or a neck tattoo— fake one, of course— to keep security off my back? Just a few days ago, I was pulled aside in Manchester Airport…

William Hanson 0:32:26 No.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:32:26 …for a search of my lower right foot. I started to wonder if I'd even broken it and had metal pins in it and then forgotten, because I have the same footwear on my left foot. A scan with their scanning tool, a pat down and swabs, and I was released, but it was always quite unnerving. I do often fly with budget airlines, so I carry a rucksack which will squeeze beneath the seat and avoid their extortionate charges, but on this occasion it was not even the rucksack that drew attention, but my right leg. Any and all advice will be appreciated.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:33:04 William has, as we know, experience of airport security with his illegal laser pen. Has Jonathan ever fallen under suspicion? Yours in anticipation, Yvonne of Cork in Ireland.

William Hanson 0:33:16 Yes, that was, uh, for newer listeners, that was where I was, uh, arrested at Geneva Airport.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:33:22 Yes.

William Hanson 0:33:22 Because I had a USB clicker.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:33:24 Yeah, that's true.

William Hanson 0:33:25 And it turns out they're illegal. Not— well, ones with Category 2 laser— Jonathan's just dropped tonic in his glass. The can.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:33:34 Easy mistake to make when you've had as much as I have this time. Oh, William.

William Hanson 0:33:46 Yes, no, I was put in a cell for an hour and a half.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:33:50 Yes, you were.

William Hanson 0:33:51 'Cause I had this silly thing on me, and then fined.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:33:53 I was stopped at Gatwick on the way here.

William Hanson 0:33:55 Were you?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:33:56 Yes.

William Hanson 0:33:56 What did you have?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:33:57 And it was quite serious actually, William, because I— You know when you come through the conveyor belt?

William Hanson 0:34:05 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:34:05 And you put your bag through. And all of the bags were going through, and I suddenly saw my backpack. You know my backpack?

William Hanson 0:34:14 The Reebok one.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:34:15 Reebok backpack.

William Hanson 0:34:16 Yes, which I love so much.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:34:19 it was suddenly segregated from everyone else.

William Hanson 0:34:22 Oh.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:34:22 And then rather than being segregated and going down the line with all the other segregated lines—

William Hanson 0:34:28 Yeah, they blew it up?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:34:29 It was segregated and then went to the, to the left.

William Hanson 0:34:32 Oh.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:34:33 On its own. So I thought the conveyor belt had gone wrong. So I got to the end and I said to the lady, my backpack's been segregated I don't know why it's so funny. So she said She looked at me with a worried look. She went off and she started clicking on this screen. And she's, she's swiping. And she came back and she said, what have you got in the pocket with your mobile phone?

William Hanson 0:35:30 Oh.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:35:31 And I started to panic. I thought, not cocaine.

William Hanson 0:35:34 No.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:35:35 I said, I don't know. I don't know what's in the pocket with it. She said, just wait there. I thought, oh no, what's happened? Have I inadvertently become a mule?

William Hanson 0:35:46 It is Gatwick.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:35:49 Has someone fiddled with my pockets? So, I stood there, and the man comes over, and he said, is this your bag? He comes with my bag. He said, is this your bag? I said, yes. He said, what's in this pocket? I said, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. And he said, there's a mobile phone and there's something with it. I said, I don't know.

William Hanson 0:36:13 Tell me.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:36:14 I don't know. What is it? He said, well, you tell me what it is. I said, I don't know. I don't know what it is. So he said, can you open it, please? So I unzipped it thinking, what the hell am I going to find? It was my antibac wipes. They thought I'd got a pack A hardcore pack of drugs. It was my antibac wipes.

William Hanson 0:36:37 Surely they would've been able to detect that.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:36:39 I said, listen, I'm here on a one-man fight against bacteria. I did not expect to be judged like this. I said, you should always keep bacteria at bay. And she said, I didn't think you looked suspicious. I said, I'm not.

William Hanson 0:36:57 She needs to look a bit closer.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:36:58 So, she zipped me back up and let me go on my way, but it's—

William Hanson 0:37:01 And the Reebok?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:37:02 Very disconcerting. Very disconcerting. That's true. That did happen.

William Hanson 0:37:09 Today? This trip?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:37:10 Yeah. Wow. This trip, yeah.

William Hanson 0:37:12 I hate being pulled— I hate it when my bag gets pulled over, 'cause it— again, there's nothing— there's nothing. I also travel with the same bag. It's got exactly the same stuff in it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:37:20 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:37:21 Should never get pulled over.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:37:22 Well, she said my wipes look suspicious. Drugs.

William Hanson 0:37:26 Well, maybe you need to change your wipes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:37:28 Maybe, maybe.

William Hanson 0:37:29 Make a smaller, a small little sort of smaller sachet.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:37:33 Exactly.

William Hanson 0:37:34 This is from Ben. Dear gents, as a regular traveller, I notice Fortnum& Mason concessions airside at popular London airports like Heathrow Terminal 5. While I admire the luxury of sitting down to enjoy a chilled glass of proper champagne with some freshly shucked oysters before a flight somewhere exotic, sitting in the middle of a busy, loud, chaotic walkway to eat a meal is surely common as muck. It's not far above a Westfield shopping centre.

William Hanson 0:37:57 Are these exposed kiosks luxury, or should I be aiming to eat somewhere more private, quiet, and peaceful, even if that means deleting a WHSmith meal deal on my lap? Deleting? Eating? Yours, Ben from London. I would say in Fortnum's defence, there's only one, and that's at, I believe, Terminal 5.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:38:15 Terminal 5.

William Hanson 0:38:16 There are Fortnum's shops, or little sort of stands in most airports. They have a little sort of a few shelves. But in terms of the café concept, and they've actually just expanded it at Terminal 5.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:38:28 I do think you've got to be quite careful where you eat, because some lounges, and in fact, some lounges at Terminal 5, horrible.

William Hanson 0:38:37 Which— what were the names?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:38:38 Oh, no, I'm not naming them.

William Hanson 0:38:39 No.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:38:39 But there's a lounge at Terminal 5 where all the seats are ripped.

William Hanson 0:38:42 Oh.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:38:43 And it's horrible in there. It's really horrible.

William Hanson 0:38:47 Is that the lounge for bronze?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:38:49 No, it's not. It's not somewhere you'd go with that. Oh,

William Hanson 0:38:52 okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:38:52 It's another lounge. But really horrible.

William Hanson 0:38:56 I know, you don't want to sit there. Where were we flying back from earlier on this year? Oh, Greece. In Athens. Oh, I didn't like the lounge there.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:39:04 Oh.

William Hanson 0:39:05 That was horrid.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:39:06 Well.

William Hanson 0:39:07 We stayed there for a minute, and I said we had to leave.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:39:10 When you fly back from Malaga,

William Hanson 0:39:12 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:39:12 It's a nice lounge.

William Hanson 0:39:13 Yes, my colleague Jo's just come back from Malaga, and she said it was very nice.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:39:16 Yeah, it's nice. Simple. Little tidbits.

William Hanson 0:39:20 Okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:39:20 There's not— you don't get a lot of food.

William Hanson 0:39:23 No.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:39:23 But you've got nice little kind of little bits. Bit of Spanish omelette.

William Hanson 0:39:27 Okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:39:28 You know, you can— a gin and tonic.

William Hanson 0:39:30 That's all you need, really.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:39:32 Yeah, exactly. But it's nice. It's nice.

William Hanson 0:39:34 Yeah, but no, I would— I generally try not to avoid— I try to avoid eating in Airports unless it is a very nice lounge. But even then, I don't— I'd eat either on the flight or beforehand. I don't see the airport as a proper substitute for a meal.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:39:48 No. And sometimes not going to a lounge and finding just one of the nice restaurants and having a nice meal there.

William Hanson 0:39:54 Do you buy a bottle of water for the flight?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:39:56 Yes.

William Hanson 0:39:56 Yes. You say you do do water.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:39:58 Well, when you arrive here—

William Hanson 0:40:00 Oh, he's backtracking now.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:40:01 When you arrive here, it's hot.

William Hanson 0:40:03 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:40:03 You've got to be moist.

William Hanson 0:40:04 But how big's your bottle?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:40:06 Oh, not big. 500 ml.

William Hanson 0:40:09 Oh no. You see, Mikey and I will buy a 1.5 litre one.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:40:13 How common. How young. Makes me sick.

William Hanson 0:40:16 Well, we're very worried about dehydrating.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:40:18 Just have 500 ml, keep yourself moist, get on, enjoy your holiday.

William Hanson 0:40:22 To be fair, I didn't buy one this trip.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:40:23 Oh.

William Hanson 0:40:23 And I regretted it. Because whilst they brought me a— I forgot that on short haul, they don't give you a bottle of water. They just Top up the glasses, and the glasses are tiny.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:40:32 Yeah, they are. Yeah.

William Hanson 0:40:33 So I was very dehydrated. Well, tomorrow we've got the yacht.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:40:37 We are going off on the yacht. And I don't wish to big it up, William. But I think it's gonna be impressive.

William Hanson 0:40:45 Okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:40:46 Yeah. I'm sensing, just— and I don't want to get your hopes up.

William Hanson 0:40:51 No.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:40:52 But I'm thinking in my mind, we'll arrive, find something very exclusive.

William Hanson 0:40:58 Yes. Well, I hope so, because I mean, that's the whole point of the whole exercise.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:41:02 Sparkling yacht bobbing away in the sea.

William Hanson 0:41:05 Lovely.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:41:06 We'll get on, a couple of seamen will help us on. We'll get on and feel right at home straight away.

William Hanson 0:41:14 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:41:15 That's in my mind, that's what we've got tomorrow.

William Hanson 0:41:17 Good.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:41:18 Okay,

William Hanson 0:41:19 well, I'm looking forward to it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:41:20 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:41:21 Thank you for having me here in Frigg.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:41:22 Well, you're welcome anytime, William.

William Hanson 0:41:24 Oh, bless you.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:41:25 I loved having you. You can come anytime.

William Hanson 0:41:27 Well, the trip's not over yet. You might be desperate to get rid of me by the end.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:41:30 I very much doubt it. But for now, I think that'll do.

William Hanson 0:41:34 Alright.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:41:35 Tomorrow, we will be coming live from the yacht.

William Hanson 0:41:38 Oh yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:41:39 You must tune in.

William Hanson 0:41:41 A nautical episode. We're known for our boat episodes on this podcast.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:41:44 We absolutely are. I'm gonna take you Up the poop deck!

William Hanson 0:41:49 For God's sake! You can be the captain, I'll be the Rear Admiral!

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:41:58 I look forward to it! But until then, as they say in Spain,

William Hanson 0:42:03 adios!