Schedules and Calendars

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:01:12 Hello and welcome to The Luxury Podcast. My name's Jonathan Vernon-Smith, and with me is William Hanson. This is the podcast that helps you live a more luxury life.

William Hanson 0:01:23 Hello, Jonathan. I'm here to help you create the everyday moments of luxury that make life worth living. Whatever your budget.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:01:28 In each episode of The Luxury Podcast, William and I tackle an area of life that we think you should upgrade, sorting the Onslows from the Hyacinths, advising the nation in gracious living. So, William, what are we going to talk about today?

William Hanson 0:01:42 We are talking about schedules and calendars, and indeed schedule is how we say it here in Britain.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:01:49 Not schedule.

William Hanson 0:01:50 No, sadly.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:01:51 We are not American. We do not live in Los Angeles.

William Hanson 0:01:56 Unless you are American, and we don't know.

Speaker G 0:01:57 No, I just grew up saying schedule.

William Hanson 0:02:00 Oh.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:00 Oh.

William Hanson 0:02:02 Give me a break. I— if you were still a child, I would have your parents sent away by social services, because they—

Speaker G 0:02:08 My mum listens to the podcast. Does she? Oh.

William Hanson 0:02:10 Hello, Sadie's mum.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:12 Yes, schedule is the British pronunciation.

William Hanson 0:02:16 This would be the irony. She gets in touch and says that actually your mum says schedule, and you've just sort of somehow, you know— Become a feral child.

Speaker G 0:02:22 I'll ask Donna this evening.

William Hanson 0:02:24 I'll ask Donna.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:24 It will be the American influence in television for you, for your generation, you see.

William Hanson 0:02:29 It's the generation that grew up watching Friends and not Keeping Up Appearances.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:32 That's right. Yes.

William Hanson 0:02:34 That's the show they should have watched.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:35 So, schedules and calendars, or schedules for our American listeners. How do they say it in Australia?

William Hanson 0:02:43 Who knows?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:44 We'll ask.

Speaker H 0:02:45 You were just going to say, who cares?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:49 Then weren't you?

William Hanson 0:02:54 We will ask the now late— we should have a little update, actually. Little schedule update. Who's died? The late Ollie.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:01 He's not dead, is he?

William Hanson 0:03:02 He's not—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:05 he's dead to us. Oh, poor Ollie.

William Hanson 0:03:07 He stopped editing.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:08 He has, yeah.

William Hanson 0:03:09 Something about another job.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:11 He has left us completely.

William Hanson 0:03:13 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:14 Because ever since Ollie, producer Ollie, former producer Ollie, left and went down under, He's still been giving us a nip and a tuck every week, hasn't he?

William Hanson 0:03:23 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:23 Yes, from Down Under. You know, when we did the, uh, I, I did my, uh, chat with the, the Bucketheads on our Luxury Members Club, one of the questions they did ask was how much has to be cut out. Not an awful lot. No, not a lot. That's what I said.

William Hanson 0:03:39 In fact, we actually should be nice about— I mean, we're always nice about the late Olly because he's probably got the bits that have been cut out.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:48 Oh my God, that's true. Yeah, I take it all back, everything I've ever said about him.

William Hanson 0:03:54 We're thrilled he's in Australia.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:55 Yes. Yeah, hope it all works out.

William Hanson 0:03:57 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:58 Uh, so schedules and calendars. You are a very, very organised person.

William Hanson 0:04:05 Well, I am told by numerous people in my life there is no point me ever getting a PA, because by the time I've asked the PA to do it, I would have done it myself.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:13 You've just got one.

William Hanson 0:04:14 He's management.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:20 Management.

William Hanson 0:04:22 There are some PA duties that he has sort of— this is Freddie— who occasionally takes on.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:27 Like your diary.

William Hanson 0:04:28 But I know, but he will— if he were here, he would say that I am actually quite good. By the way, he goes to put something in my diary, and I have already done it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:35 Right.

William Hanson 0:04:36 So I am generally master of my own diary.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:38 You are very good with your diary.

William Hanson 0:04:40 I am.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:40 I am sloppy.

William Hanson 0:04:43 Well, indeed.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:43 I'm all over the place. I don't know what I'm doing.

William Hanson 0:04:45 Just before we started recording today, Sadie referenced some filming we're doing on Monday.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:50 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:04:50 And you went, Monday? What?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:52 And I had—

William Hanson 0:04:53 And opened up your case. I punched in the 4 digits.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:01 It's 6, actually.

William Hanson 0:05:04 Oh, 6. Sorry. Yeah, it's more secure.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:06 Yeah, exactly.

William Hanson 0:05:07 Let me just have a look. Oh, I don't have that in. And then you—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:11 are you doing an impression of me? No, I didn't put it in.

William Hanson 0:05:15 No. So, but I think possibly if I look on— if I opened up my schedule and clicked on the calendar invitation for that, you probably are invited, but for some reason you can't seem to accept these calendar invitations.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:27 I don't like them. I don't.

William Hanson 0:05:30 But this is where, in the words of Cherie Blair, you drop balls.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:34 I get all these emails from the team here at The Luxury Podcast. I get them all the time, your invitations. I delete them. I don't like them. I don't like them.

William Hanson 0:05:45 But Jonathan, that's how you know you've got work.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:48 But I like to put it in myself.

William Hanson 0:06:02 That's the new Come With Props.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:16 But I'm not joking, because sometimes in my calendar, I have about 3 different invites and 3 different listings of the same thing.

William Hanson 0:06:28 Well, no, that's annoying. I would— I don't know how to Do you not have an online diary?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:36 What, that?

William Hanson 0:06:38 It looks very sparse.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:40 I keep forgetting to put things in it.

William Hanson 0:06:43 John, that's 2 things for the entirety of October.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:48 Well, I don't like to put much in. It is a problem. It is a problem, 'cause I do— I mean, I am getting better. With important things. Because do you remember, the real catalyst for me was— do you remember when I forgot to go to my own operation?

William Hanson 0:07:03 You did.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:05 And the surgeon— but the surgeon, when I apologised to him for missing my own operation, and he said, Jonathan, I've been a surgeon for a long time. And I've had multiple patients forget an appointment. I have. He said, but you are the first person that's ever forgotten to come to your own surgery. Forgot. They wrote to me 2 weeks later and said, where were you? I forgot to go. Completely forgot about it. But ever since that moment, I thought, do you know what? You've got to give yourself a shake. You've got to embrace the technology.

William Hanson 0:07:50 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:50 So now for all important things, I put it in my calendar. And I set 2 alerts.

William Hanson 0:07:56 Oh.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:56 One for 1 hour before, and one for the day before.

William Hanson 0:08:00 Oh, get you.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:01 And that way I kind of think, well, anything important, I'll be vibrated to its presence.

William Hanson 0:08:06 And those alerts—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:10 Yes.

William Hanson 0:08:11 Have you— do you manually have to put them in for each one?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:14 Yes.

William Hanson 0:08:14 Right. You know you can on the phone set it that anything new you put in has a default alert?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:18 I didn't know that, no.

William Hanson 0:08:19 Would you like me to do that for you now?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:21 Well, what are you going to put in?

William Hanson 0:08:22 No, no, I'm not gonna put any— I'm gonna change your—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:24 Don't you start! I don't want to be vibrating at times I don't want to vibrate.

William Hanson 0:08:27 No, I'm going to change your calendar settings so any new event you then put in automatically has those alerts on.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:34 1 hour before and 1 day before?

William Hanson 0:08:35 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:36 Go ahead, my man.

William Hanson 0:08:37 Okay. Settings.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:39 Are we gonna all sit and wait while you do this?

William Hanson 0:08:41 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:43 Oh.

William Hanson 0:08:44 Da-da-da-da. Default alert times.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:47 Yep.

William Hanson 0:08:47 Events. You want 1 hour before.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:50 1 hour before.

William Hanson 0:08:51 All-day events, do you want— if you put in an all-day event, do you need an alert for that?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:55 I don't do one-day events.

William Hanson 0:08:57 Birthdays? I don't need that. Okay, so you can only put in— on default alert times, it turns out you can only put in 1 alert. So you'll—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:07 We'll just do the 1 hour before. Fine.

William Hanson 0:09:09 You'll then have to add in the other one yourself. But now—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:11 That's the one where it goes off and I think, oh my god, I forgot!

William Hanson 0:09:15 Now, if you go to put in an event somewhere, does it—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:19 I don't need to test it now.

William Hanson 0:09:21 Jonathan, we're testing it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:22 Oh god. Okay, right. Where are we?

William Hanson 0:09:26 Just pick—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:27 What day is it?

William Hanson 0:09:27 You can delete it in a minute.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:28 Oh.

William Hanson 0:09:30 What?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:30 Okay, so I will put something here. Schooling test. On Saturday. I'm gonna put breakfast.

William Hanson 0:09:36 Hopefully.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:36 I'm gonna have my breakfast, 'cause that's the kind of thing you probably put in your calendar, isn't it?

William Hanson 0:09:41 What if I'm having breakfast with someone?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:42 Freddie, can you make sure I've got an hour for breakfast scheduled between 7 and 8? I'm not wrong, am I?

William Hanson 0:09:50 Has it set a default reminder for you?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:53 Hang on, right. 7 AM. Default 1 hour before, it says.

William Hanson 0:09:57 There we go.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:58 Oh, William.

William Hanson 0:09:59 So I've made your life already more efficient.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:02 Thank you very much. Thank you. That's lovely. So I am getting a little bit better now. But, um, as you've seen, I still keep my diary fairly sparse.

William Hanson 0:10:11 You need to get hotter on your diary and keeping things, because as you get older, you become more and more forgetful, and you get more and more forgetful. It could help prevent— and I say that with love.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:26 Yeah, but I also surround myself with, um, very intelligent and professional and reliable people. Not Laura and Liz. Laura and Liz— oh, if Laura was here, she would punch you in the face for that, because she said to me, I have to micromanage every man in my life. And by that, she means me included.

William Hanson 0:10:52 Oh.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:52 I get a reminder every morning of what I'm doing.

William Hanson 0:10:56 The show's 10 o'clock?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:57 Yeah, she does. She reminds me of everything I'm doing.

William Hanson 0:11:00 Oh.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:00 Which is good. And I need that. Yeah. Because I don't remember.

William Hanson 0:11:03 Otherwise, you wouldn't turn up at the radio studio?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:06 Well, I'd turn up, but I wouldn't necessarily know what I'm supposed to be doing.

William Hanson 0:11:10 Oh.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:11 So yeah, no, I do need a little bit of that.

William Hanson 0:11:14 Okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:14 Whereas you do that for yourself, and you pay someone to do it for you.

William Hanson 0:11:18 It does more than calendars.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:20 Are you sure?

William Hanson 0:11:21 Well, actually, no. Actually, I should probably check. Regardless of whether you have a physical diary, or did you actually even ever have a physical diary?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:30 Can I just— sorry, can we just backtrack slightly? Yeah. Why haven't you accepted my invites for the calendar?

William Hanson 0:11:37 Because you've invited the wrong email address. But they're in my diary.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:41 What do you mean I've invited the wrong email address?

William Hanson 0:11:44 They've gone— they went into the William and Mikey diary.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:48 So, let me just explain. When you and I go to Frigiliana—

William Hanson 0:11:51 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:51 I have already booked, because I am this kind of person.

William Hanson 0:11:54 The Garden Restaurant. Look, it's there.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:56 We're going to the garden. We're going to La Bottega. And I have clicked accept. Have you?

William Hanson 0:12:01 It's just because you've got some—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:02 Oh yes, you have. You ticked it now. Oh, well done, you.

William Hanson 0:12:06 Would you like to issue an apology?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:09 Well, I would like to apologise. When did you accept that?

William Hanson 0:12:11 Days ago. 'Cause I didn't notice it to begin with, 'cause it went into the wrong calendar.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:15 Exactly. Well, I'd invited you.

William Hanson 0:12:16 To the wrong address.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:18 I'd even provided you with information, location information. Do you want me to ring you? We'd become separated. So, you see, I am organised for some things.

William Hanson 0:12:27 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:28 Dinners, important things, socialising. And I'd invited you to the event.

William Hanson 0:12:34 Indeed. Well, thank you.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:36 Anyway, sorry I interrupted you.

William Hanson 0:12:37 No, did you ever have a physical diary? Not a, like, dear diary, today I have done this, but like a 4 o'clock dentist.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:42 Yeah, I used to. Yeah, yeah, I used to have a little kind of thin one that I would keep in my jacket pocket with my— why are you laughing? I'd have my little notes of what I was doing on each day.

William Hanson 0:12:53 You see, I would love to have a paper diary. But it's just not practical with, you know, because various people have my diary, not just my husband, Freddie, agents, colleagues. So like, otherwise they have to text me, go, could you put this in your diary? And they wouldn't be able to see it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:08 Right.

William Hanson 0:13:08 So I'd say the day of the paper diary is more— I do think a paper diary is more executive and more luxury than an online diary. It's impractical.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:16 Yeah, I always used to have a little pocket diary.

William Hanson 0:13:19 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:19 Liked it.

William Hanson 0:13:21 Yeah, I wish we could go back to that, but alas, we can't.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:24 No, we can't. Those days are behind us.

William Hanson 0:13:26 Talking of calendars, do you have a perennial calendar or a birthday book? No.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:32 No. You know, I—

William Hanson 0:13:33 That's because you don't send birthday cards.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:34 I'm hopeless at remembering birthdays. You gave me a birthday card last time. I did?

William Hanson 0:13:38 A few weeks ago.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:39 Yes.

William Hanson 0:13:39 Which was nice.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:40 But I think the only reason I remembered it was your birthday—

William Hanson 0:13:43 Is because I told you.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:44 No, I think I saw something on social media. And I thought, oh, cripes, it's his birthday.

William Hanson 0:13:52 It'd be an episode of Scooby-Doo, or was it?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:54 I think that's how I remembered. I didn't have an alert going off.

William Hanson 0:14:01 Oh.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:01 But I should do, really.

William Hanson 0:14:03 You should. Yeah. 'Cause I have on my desk, I have a birthday book. Although I'm moving away, and that's just, it doesn't have, you know, it doesn't have the days of the week.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:11 Oh, that's good.

William Hanson 0:14:11 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:12 My late mother, she used to have a calendar that hung on the back of the bathroom door downstairs. And it had every— all the important people's birthdays on. My dad still has the calendar. And so, he always says, if it wasn't for your mother's calendar, I'd never remember anyone's birthday.

William Hanson 0:14:29 Has he added new friends to it or not?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:31 That's a very good question. I don't know, because I don't even know where the calendar is now. It doesn't hang on the back of the bathroom door. So, I'm not sure where he has it. But it alerts him to certain people's birthdays, because he will sometimes send me a text and say, have you remembered it's, you know, Auntie Maureen's birthday?

William Hanson 0:14:48 No, no.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:49 And he says, neither would I if it wasn't for your mother's calendar. Oh, so you see, a good calendar is very helpful.

William Hanson 0:14:55 My mother, when we grew up, she had a birth— a perennial calendar, uh, and I think she still does. It's a new one now, and the only— it's only got people's birthdays in. She doesn't do like anniversaries or anything, I believe. Correct me if I'm wrong, Mummy. But she has 2 non-birthdays in there. One, the date of the late Queen's death, And 2, the day they moved the lions out of Bristol Zoo. I don't really know why she's picked that. And I think they moved the lions out of Bristol Zoo before she got there with her brick.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:32 I was gonna say, was the brick involved? Is that what— is it a date that is embedded in her memory?

William Hanson 0:15:39 But yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:40 Sarah Hanson here!

William Hanson 0:15:42 But I think they're quite nice. But I have now— I'm now moving into putting— I love my birthday book, but if I'm not up at my desk and I haven't sort of at the beginning of the week looked whose birthday it is, or I've forgotten— I hate forgetting people's birthdays. Oh, that's terrible.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:56 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:15:56 Even if I'm not sending them a card, I'm just sending them a little message. So I'm now putting them in my diary.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:16:00 Yeah. Oh, that's nice. Did you used to have a family calendar when you were growing up?

William Hanson 0:16:05 Well, my mother had her Filofax that was always open in the utility room. Oh, you didn't have the family calendar? What was— no.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:16:12 We had the family calendar.

William Hanson 0:16:13 What, with different columns?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:16:14 Yes, we had different columns, and my mum would write everyone's name at the top of the column.

William Hanson 0:16:19 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:16:19 And then everything that you were doing that week would be itemised on the family calendar, so you could look at what everyone was doing at certain times.

William Hanson 0:16:28 You see, and you were raised in an organised way, and yet—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:16:30 My mother, honestly, if she was alive now, she'd have everything organised. Absolutely everything was organised to the minute. So, no, I didn't really inherit that, to be honest.

William Hanson 0:16:41 No, you didn't. 'Cause I, within my calendar, I have different colour codes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:16:44 Well, I've seen your calendar.

William Hanson 0:16:46 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:16:46 And it did, it looked like Joseph and his Technicolour dreamcoat.

William Hanson 0:16:49 And I also have other people's calendars as well that I can toggle on and off, so I can see what they're doing. And I love a calendar.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:16:55 You've not got mine. I mean, there's hardly anything in it. I haven't, what's the point?

William Hanson 0:17:04 Also, your life is— when I phoned you earlier this week, it got to a point and I went, yeah, walking the dog.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:17:08 Well, I was gonna— no, no.

William Hanson 0:17:10 I know exactly what you're doing.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:17:12 I will send— I will share the message I got from William, and I thought, he does know me very, very well. I was out walking the dog, and I just get this message, hello, are you around at home this afternoon or in the pub? And that was at 4:03 in the afternoon.

William Hanson 0:17:28 Yeah, because pub's normally 5, isn't it?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:17:31 Pub is after 5.

William Hanson 0:17:32 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:17:32 Yes. So, before 5, I'll either be at home or walking the dog.

William Hanson 0:17:36 There we go.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:17:37 You see, you don't— I don't need—

William Hanson 0:17:38 You don't need a calendar.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:17:39 Don't need to share the calendar. You know where I'll be.

William Hanson 0:17:41 Did you, growing up, ever have a celebrity calendar? You know, like the Cliff Richard calendar that he still does, bless him.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:17:47 No, no, I don't think I did.

William Hanson 0:17:53 Well, of course I did. Can you remember? We discussed it only a few months ago, and you laughed at me.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:17:58 Who's— Can you not remember?

William Hanson 0:17:59 Sadie remembers.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:18:00 Hang on, who—

William Hanson 0:18:00 'Cause I had to move it when trade came round.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:18:02 Oh, hang on. Was that the Shawn Mendes calendar?

William Hanson 0:18:05 No, Shawn Mendes was about 3 at that time.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:18:08 Yes. Who was it, the one you were worried that a tradesperson was going to beat you up?

William Hanson 0:18:13 I think High School Musical.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:18:14 Wrong generation.

William Hanson 0:18:17 Zac Efron.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:18:18 Zac Efron.

William Hanson 0:18:20 Zac Efron calendar. He was well hung in the dining room. Because he would drape over the doors.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:18:26 Right.

William Hanson 0:18:26 Yeah. Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:18:27 No, I didn't have that. I did used to— I went through a stage of— there was a company called Vistaprint. Do you remember Vistaprint? Yes, I think they're still going. Are they still going?

William Hanson 0:18:35 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:18:36 And I used to do a Vistaprint calendar for all my family. For yourself? No. No. Well, sometimes I would do a calendar.

William Hanson 0:18:47 I love the idea that you could have done a whole photoshoot for your family of just photos of you.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:18:51 Photos of me.

William Hanson 0:18:52 12 photos?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:18:52 No, no. I would do— so, for my grandparents, I used to do one, and I would do nice kind of family photos of all of the family together, so that every time that a new month would arrive, they'd think, oh, it's nice, nice picture. And then I used to do one for my mum.

William Hanson 0:19:07 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:07 I didn't bother with my dad. He didn't need one. Uh, he had a Filofax. So, I always used to do a kind of family calendar.

William Hanson 0:19:15 Did they like it?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:15 Oh yeah. It's a nice little Christmas present, isn't it?

William Hanson 0:19:18 Yeah, it's easy.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:19 My auntie and uncle, they liked cats, So, it'd do all their cats in the calendar. Their own cats. See?

William Hanson 0:19:28 What are you going to do for me if you do me a little calendar?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:31 If I did you? Yeah. We won't go into it. But I've got one or two ideas.

William Hanson 0:19:50 Well, don't give me Zac Efron now. He's lost it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:54 Has he?

William Hanson 0:19:56 I don't know if he's done many films actually recently. He sort of dropped off.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:20:00 Zac Efron. I'm going to look him up.

Speaker G 0:20:02 He did that wrestling film.

William Hanson 0:20:04 Oh, did he?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:20:05 What, the new one?

William Hanson 0:20:06 He did Greatest Showman, was probably the last thing of any note.

Speaker G 0:20:09 No, the wrestling one was quite big. That was like Oscar-nominated.

William Hanson 0:20:13 Oh, was it?

Speaker G 0:20:14 With Jeremy Allen White.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:20:16 Is that him? Oh no, what's he—

Speaker G 0:20:19 No, those lips aren't real.

William Hanson 0:20:20 It's the one thing I would never have done is my lips.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:20:22 Don't you dare.

William Hanson 0:20:24 No.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:20:24 Don't you dare. I mean, I keep my mouth shut about a lot that you have done. But if you come in with your lips—

William Hanson 0:20:30 All I have is Botox!

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:20:31 If you come in with lips sticking out like that, I will tell you to your face, what have you done? You hideous monster. Oh, well, I better get that.

William Hanson 0:20:48 It's probably my surgeon.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:20:50 I was gonna say, it's either your surgeon or Zac Efron's lawyer. We'll be back in a second.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:48 Welcome back, Bucketheads. We've been discussing schedules and calendars, and it's now time for your questions. So let's check out our heaving bags of post. If there's something on your mind that needs a luxury touch, postman@luxurypodcast.co.uk is the place for your queries and your questions. Also, quick reminder, you can watch all of these episodes in colour on Patreon if you join our Luxury Members Club. Just head over to luxurypodcast.co.uk to join.

William Hanson 0:23:18 Lovely. This is from Helen. She says, hello, I'm currently having a sick day and had to cancel lots of work meetings. What is good etiquette on giving the details for why I'm cancelling?

William Hanson 0:23:28 Full gory details of my bodily malfunctions so they know it's serious and important enough to miss their company/bounce of my duty? or cool and vague to save them the tedious ins and outs of my ailments? Well, I guess it depends who it is. You know, you don't need to go into any sort of, you know, I've got this oozing out of that, and this has dropped off, and that sort of— you don't need to do any of that ever, really, other than to your partner, maybe, who needs to know in case it deteriorates.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:23:52 I think if it was something very important, you know, if it was a really important meeting, and you know that they're going to be very, very unimpressed that you're not turning up to it. I think I might go into a little bit of detail, but not too much. I think I would say something along the lines of, I'm so, so sorry, I'm very unwell. I won't go into details, but, you know, it's not pleasant.

William Hanson 0:24:19 Oh yeah, I had to cancel my PT a few months ago, and I said, I'm so sorry, I've got tummy issues. I'll spare you the details.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:24:25 Yes, perfect.

William Hanson 0:24:27 So, you allude to them.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:24:28 We all know at that point you've got Terrible diarrhoea. It's—

William Hanson 0:24:33 We're actually different from that.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:24:35 It's touch and go, and you don't want to potentially make a terrible mess on his equipment.

William Hanson 0:24:41 It also depends. I think if you are someone who is reliable and does not cancel, I think you actually don't need to go into details at all. You can say, I'm so sorry, because I know that if you cancel— you never cancel, really.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:24:53 No, I— no.

William Hanson 0:24:54 I pray you cancel, but no, you It's a joke. You never cancel on anything, really. But so, if you are going to cancel, I know it's a big deal, and I wouldn't even need to ask.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:25:06 Well, the time that I had to cancel on the Ritz. The Ritz, first time round.

William Hanson 0:25:12 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:25:12 Oh my God. Did you hear this, Sadie?

William Hanson 0:25:15 Say it. This is BS. BS.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:25:19 We were going to the Ritz, and William had organised all of it, and I was so excited about it, And I woke up in the morning, and I had my breakfast, and I thought at the time I had my breakfast, I thought, oh, something going on here. I feel a bit funny. And I had my breakfast, and after the breakfast, I thought, oh, I'm gonna have to have a sit-down. I feel very strange. And then suddenly it happened. And I'm not— I'll spare you the details.

William Hanson 0:25:48 Less the Ritz, more the shits.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:25:50 But It wasn't nice. And I thought, do you know what? Come on, pull yourself together. Because, you know, do you ever have a little chat to yourself where you think, right, pull yourself together, this is absolutely ridiculous, get a grip? Quite literally. And so I thought, come on, go and have a shower. You know, you're British, stiff upper lip, get a grip of yourself, and you'll be fine.

William Hanson 0:26:13 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:13 So I was in the shower, and I genuinely thought I was going to throw up in the shower. And it was at that point I thought, you know what, this is not actually right, because if I turn up at the Ritz and I'm very unwell, this will be embarrassing, it will be unpleasant.

William Hanson 0:26:27 And they had already had it at that— the day before, they had already had those protesters that had come in and thrown manure at the bottom of the Christmas tree.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:34 Exactly.

William Hanson 0:26:35 We didn't need to add to it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:36 We did not need to add to their carnage.

William Hanson 0:26:38 They'd already had problems.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:39 Yeah. So I got out of the shower, and I remember I had one leg in a pant, And I phoned William, and I said, I'm so, so sorry. And I knew you'd be all ready to go, because it was about time to leave, wasn't it?

William Hanson 0:26:52 No, I had actually just come out. In fact, I think I ignored you the first time, because you— I was in the shower, so I couldn't answer.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:56 Yeah. But I could hear the phone going. We were about to go, and I thought, I can't— I cannot go. I cannot go. But I hope you realise that that was—

William Hanson 0:27:03 Well, I actually remember phoning the Ritz. I'm gonna say it. They were fine in the end, but I had to sort of seek— go higher up. I phoned them to cancel our reservation. I said, I'm so sorry, but one of our party is really not very well, so we cannot come. And they said, oh, well, I'm afraid there is an admin charge as per the T&Cs. I said, no, I absolutely understand that. I completely understand that. He is not well. If we turn up with him— I think I might have said, you're going to regret it.

Speaker D 0:27:32 What would you like us to do?

William Hanson 0:27:34 We're not cancelling because we're flaking. We haven't— a no-show, if we didn't show up, I get it. Charge my credit card. Go for it. I'm giving you 2 hours' notice that we're not coming. I said, we're going to rebook. We found a date. In fact, I think I was giving her the date we wanted to rebook on at that point.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:27:51 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:27:52 Anyway, they saw sense.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:27:53 They were fine in the end.

William Hanson 0:27:54 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:27:54 But, uh, but yeah, it would only be, um, a moment like that that I would, I would cancel. I remember the time that— do you know, the worst thing I think I've ever known was how I felt for you Do you remember when you had to cancel your show because you were ill?

William Hanson 0:28:09 Well, at least you're sympathetic, because Jordan isn't. Jordan does an impression of me doing that video. It is quite funny, in fact. I'm so sick. Get him to do it, it's funny.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:28:23 No, but that's mean, because you also— you would not have cancelled unless you were really ill.

William Hanson 0:28:28 No. So, for those that are not aware, I think we weren't doing Luxury Podcast at the time. I think it was keep up appearances, or we might have been between formats, I don't know.

William Hanson 0:28:36 But I was doing a solo tour, Solitary Refinement, and we were doing— I did the Bristol date, which is where we started, and I made a good joke about it, and it got probably the best laugh of the night. I came on stage and I said, tonight I sound less like Julie and Clare and more like Marilyn Manson, and I was doing the show like this. And I got through the show. Immediately the next night, I was meant to be doing Manchester, and then the night after that, London. And I was on vocal rest.

William Hanson 0:29:03 I was steaming. I was lozenging. I was doing—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:29:06 Didn't they inject you with something?

William Hanson 0:29:07 No, they didn't. No. Um, and I got to Manchester, was sort of like nodding at everyone, trying not to speak, and I just opened my mouth and literally nothing came out.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:29:18 Oh, I've been there. I've been there. It's awful.

William Hanson 0:29:21 And I had to sort of somehow text my agent and push through to get— and he, when he heard me, he went, Oh, I didn't know it was that bad. Yes, yes, it's bad. We have to cancel. So, we did. And actually, I'm going to get it out now. I felt— because I put out this sort of croaky voice to show people how bad it was. I'll see if we can find it. I also looked like death warmed up in this. And everyone was lovely about it. And then we then cancelled.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:29:48 Apart from Jordan.

William Hanson 0:29:50 No, but one person texted, sort of replied on Twitter— it wasn't Twitter, on Instagram— going, how dare you cancel? We've just left the house, and we've come all this way to Manchester, and now you cancel? Oh, it's like, well, actually, from an insurance point of view, if I cancel now, you get your money back. But if I go on stage even for 1 second and the show starts, legally, you're not entitled to your money back. So, would you rather I cancel with 2 hours to go, or would you rather I cancelled on stage and you not get your money back?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:30:22 Well, that—

William Hanson 0:30:22 I blocked her subsequently.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:30:23 Yeah, but that's the thing, isn't it? I mean, you would never—

William Hanson 0:30:26 I mean, Jeez, now I felt terrible.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:30:28 Exactly. The thought of having to cancel something because you're unwell, how awful.

William Hanson 0:30:34 Honestly, I mean, really awful. And I felt— and that actually made me feel even worse.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:30:37 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:30:38 I remember, I think I actually got back into my hotel room. I didn't like sob, sob, but I was, you know, I was a bit teary because, yeah, like my mother-in-law had come up from Yorkshire, had come to watch Manchester. They'd got a hotel room. I was letting, you know, people I knew down. It's not like strangers.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:30:52 And I think I suffer with my voice as well, We suffer with your voice.

William Hanson 0:30:57 Thank you.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:31:00 If I'm ill, if I get a cold, 9 times out of 10, it goes to the vocal cords. And I know the signs of it now. I can feel it going down. I think, oh, no. And then of course, sure enough, I'll wake up in the morning, and I think, oh, no, here we go again. And it always seems to go there. I don't know why. Part of the art, isn't it?

William Hanson 0:31:24 Exactly.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:31:24 Yes.

William Hanson 0:31:25 Die for the craft.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:31:26 So, Helen, don't, don't go into too much detail, but just enough to reassure them that you're unwell. Francesca has been in touch. What is the most luxury way to keep track of your important dates? Is a wall calendar luxury, and if so, what should it look like for a more elevated home aesthetic? What do your home calendars look like, if you have one? And where is the most luxury position for a wall calendar? Thank you.

William Hanson 0:31:57 Well, on the wall.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:31:58 I think the best place, being absolutely honest, the best place for a calendar is on the back of your bathroom door.

William Hanson 0:32:06 Why the bathroom?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:32:07 Because you're in and out of there every day, and you're often in there in the morning. You look at the calendar and you think, oh, Cripes!

William Hanson 0:32:19 No, not in the bathroom, Jonathan!

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:32:21 Well, where else?

William Hanson 0:32:22 I was in the kitchen, or in the utility room, or somewhere where— with high traction.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:32:27 No! Burglary threat. Never, ever, ever keep a calendar showing your movements anywhere on the ground floor. It should always be—

William Hanson 0:32:37 Well, they're already in the house by the time they're reading it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:32:39 No. They read it through the window.

William Hanson 0:32:41 Oh, well, don't have it where— you don't have it where it's—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:32:44 They come round your back passage, they peer through your utility room window, they look at the calendar. Oh, nice, he's in Frigiliana for a week, is he? I'll let myself in.

William Hanson 0:32:54 Why have you not drawn the curtains?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:32:56 You don't draw the curtains while you're on holiday, do you?

William Hanson 0:32:58 Well, you sort of adjust your blinds accordingly, don't you?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:33:01 Oh, hello burglars. It's 2 o'clock in the afternoon, my curtains are drawn, I'm on holiday. What's wrong with you?

William Hanson 0:33:09 Well, you see, we don't have curtains.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:33:10 Of course you don't.

William Hanson 0:33:11 No, we've got slats.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:33:12 But you've got to be very careful where you position a calendar. Out of sight. Always out of sight.

William Hanson 0:33:18 But just not in the bathroom.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:33:19 What's wrong with it in the bathroom?

William Hanson 0:33:21 Well, it's going to get all sort of damp from all the— moist from the, you know, condensation.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:33:26 Well, if you get one with a high-gloss finish—

William Hanson 0:33:28 Oh, it's getting classier by the second.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:33:30 Then it will hold on, won't it? It won't fall apart. Yeah.

William Hanson 0:33:35 Okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:33:35 You have got— in all seriousness, you must be careful where you position a calendar. Never near a window. Trust me.

William Hanson 0:33:42 Or if you have one on your phone, then it's more secure because it's behind a 4 or 6-digit PIN thing.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:33:47 Our listener Tyler—

William Hanson 0:33:49 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:33:49 Who I met at your luxury party.

William Hanson 0:33:52 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:33:52 Um, very, very senior police officer. Very senior.

William Hanson 0:33:57 Yep.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:33:57 He'd tell you, don't, don't show anyone your calendar.

William Hanson 0:34:00 Okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:34:01 Yeah. Honestly, I can't tell you.

William Hanson 0:34:02 Well, we'll ask it. Tyler, please let us know. Get in touch.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:34:06 Quite.

William Hanson 0:34:07 This is from Sam.

William Hanson 0:34:08 Hi Jonathan and William. Since turning 40, I've increasingly found myself choosing a night in over a night out. The trouble is, I now seem to spend quite a lot of time coming up with excuses for why I'm not free to socialise on various evenings and weekends. It's becoming rather exhausting, so I thought I'd turn to the two of you for advice. Have you ever pretended to be busy because you simply didn't want to make plans?

William Hanson 0:34:27 And if so, how do you do it effectively? Do you need to come up with a convincing excuse, or is it perfectly acceptable to just say, I fancy a night in, many thanks, Sam? I wouldn't do the latter.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:34:36 No, no, depends who. Yeah, depends who. I mean, if you invited me to do something kind of last minute and I was absolutely exhausted, I'd probably say, do you know what, William? I've had a terrible week. I'm absolutely exhausted. I fancy a night in. Do you mind if we don't?

William Hanson 0:34:51 Yeah, and that's fine if it's last minute. You can't go— you can't look in your diary when I invite you for something in 2 months and go, I fancy a night in that night. Because how do you know? It's 2 months away.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:35:02 Exactly.

William Hanson 0:35:02 No, you simply say, I'm so sorry, we've already got plans. And those plans could be a night in.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:35:06 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:35:06 But you don't need to go into it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:35:07 But do you ever have situations where somebody invites you to something, and you've decided as they're speaking that you're not going to go? How do you deal with that? By the way, I'm back in Tyson. How do you deal with that? You've always got to get the question in first. What's the date? 21st of September. Oh no, I knew you were going to say that. I can't.

William Hanson 0:35:37 But I've done that before, where they've gone, hang on. Oh, not the 21st, the 22nd.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:35:42 22nd.

William Hanson 0:35:43 And then—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:35:44 Would you believe it? That night's out as well. What a shame.

William Hanson 0:35:48 Actually, talking of schedules and calendars, what would— I don't know, sorry if I don't— I don't think I've said this before, but when I was doing Titanic the first time, and I would have great long chats with friends about doing it, and they'd ask questions, etc. And they'd go— the question's like, so what are you doing at the weekend? The show. I've literally just told you I do 2 shows a day on the weekend, Saturday and Sunday. They go, oh, okay.

William Hanson 0:36:10 They just— or, or friends that would go, oh, sorry, I wish I'd come to see you do that. I'm still doing it for the next 6 weeks, and they just thought I was doing like one show.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:36:20 Oh.

William Hanson 0:36:20 And people don't understand the schedule. What an artist.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:36:23 If you don't work in, you know, our kind of industry, maybe you don't understand it. I mean, Sadie messages me all the time while I'm on the radio. I do get pangs of guilt about that.

Speaker J 0:36:36 I'm waiting for a telling off.

William Hanson 0:36:38 Well, actually, God bless the late Ollie. Do you remember when he started? He'd be like, oh, the studio's free at 11 on Tuesday. Can we do that? Like, no, he's on the radio!

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:36:48 I'm on the radio every day, Monday to Friday. It's always the way it works. But you can't expect other people to necessarily appreciate your schedule.

William Hanson 0:37:02 No.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:37:02 Can you? And the fact that you do, you know, if you're on stage in the evening, I mean, that's for many of us an alien concept. You know, I'm at home watching a bit of YouTube, sinking a gin and slim. I'm not on the stage treading the boards. So, I don't necessarily appreciate what it's like for you.

William Hanson 0:37:20 No.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:37:20 So, you see, there you go.

William Hanson 0:37:22 But yeah, less is more is what I would say.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:37:25 Definitely.

William Hanson 0:37:25 The other thing I do when I know I genuinely can't go is I actually now start showing people my calendar to show there is something already in for that date, just because I'm— because I'm like, oh, I don't want them to believe that I'm making up an excuse.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:37:36 I'll be honest with you, depends who it is. I mean, if it's someone I really like, And I do want to spend time with them, then if there was a genuine diary clash, I would say, oh, I can't do that. Can we arrange another date? I'd show enthusiasm for arranging another date. However, and this is a bit of a warning for anyone listening who may encounter this from me, I just increasingly now, if I don't want to socialise with someone or go to someone's event, I will just say— I'm really sorry, I can't make that. Just think, I can't make it.

William Hanson 0:38:18 No, I can't make it, or I won't make it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:38:20 I can't make that date either. No, or that one. No, I can't make that date, but thank you so much for the invitation.

William Hanson 0:38:26 I can make no date you're ever going to give me.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:38:29 Whenever you invite me, I'm not coming.

William Hanson 0:38:34 Has, um, has Luxury Luke, our friend, broken it to you about that date in, um, the end of November that we've got in to go to the theatre.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:38:39 Are you joking?

William Hanson 0:38:40 What? You know, it's— you've said yes, yeah?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:38:44 Yes.

William Hanson 0:38:45 We're going to some show. I don't know what the show's about, but he's telling— he's not telling us what it is. Apart from that, we're gonna love it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:38:50 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:38:50 But has he broken it to you?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:38:52 Broken it to me what?

William Hanson 0:38:53 What time the show starts.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:38:54 What? What time does the show— hang on, I've got it in my diary. What is the date? Hang on.

William Hanson 0:39:01 End of November. No, no, just before I go into the show. So it's like the first week of November.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:39:06 First week of November. Comedy, 7 PM I've put it in for.

William Hanson 0:39:11 Well, that's when we'll meet for dinner.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:39:12 What time is the show?

William Hanson 0:39:15 I think it's 9.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:39:17 Oh, that's not too bad.

William Hanson 0:39:18 Oh, that's fine. But it's short. It's not— it's not like 2 hours. It's not like 2 and a half hours. Oh, that's all right.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:39:22 I thought you were going to tell me, you know, 1 o'clock in the afternoon or something.

William Hanson 0:39:25 Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Luke and I were chatting, he was like, I'll break it to JVS later.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:39:29 No, I think that's quite a good idea actually. Bite to eat, few drinks, Comedy at 9, home by half 10.

William Hanson 0:39:36 Okay. There we go, Luke, save your job.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:39:40 There you go. Well, I think that's more than enough luxury for this episode. We will, of course, be back tomorrow for one of our bonuses. Always fun. Until then, goodbye!