Figs in Frig and Jonathan’s Homemade Spritz

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:01:03 Hello and welcome to The Luxury Podcast. My name's Jonathan Vernon-Smith, and with me is William Hanson. This is the podcast that helps you live A more luxury life.

William Hanson 0:01:24 Hello, Jonathan and I here to help you create the everyday moments of luxury that make life worth living, whatever your budget.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:01:29 So welcome to another bonus episode of The Luxury Podcast, where William and I will trade tips and stories from our own luxury lifestyles, as well as delving into our lovely, great, big, capacious mail sacks. William, how's your week been? Tell us.

William Hanson 0:01:43 Well, lots to talk about, but the other day I had a Jonathan Vernon Smith moment.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:01:49 What happened?

William Hanson 0:01:49 I thought of you. I literally became you. I mean, I hear you in my head a lot. More than I would like to admit.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:01:56 I'm really sorry about that.

William Hanson 0:01:57 Yeah. And it had been bin day. I had come back from work. I came back—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:03 You missed your bins?

William Hanson 0:02:04 No, no, no. The bins were out. The bins had been done. I was—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:06 Somebody stole your bin!

William Hanson 0:02:07 I looked at the bin that was outside my property and I went, that's not my bin.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:11 That's not my bin.

William Hanson 0:02:12 That is not my bin. And I walked up and down the street to find my bin.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:16 Did you find it?

William Hanson 0:02:16 I found my bin.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:17 You found your bin.

William Hanson 0:02:18 Yep.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:19 How—

William Hanson 0:02:19 And I switched them brazenly.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:21 There you go.

William Hanson 0:02:22 Waiting for someone to come up and go, Oi! Bring me my bin!

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:25 Yeah. You would've said, This is my bin.

William Hanson 0:02:27 Yep.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:27 Get your hands off my bin. Do you have your address on the bin?

William Hanson 0:02:32 No, because I think that is common.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:34 Oh, I have to.

William Hanson 0:02:35 Do you?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:36 Yeah, our council make us now. You have to have your house number or your house name on your bin.

William Hanson 0:02:43 Oh.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:44 You have to.

William Hanson 0:02:44 So, you have Wainey Elm.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:46 I have Wainey Elm, Binley Woods on the front of my bins, all of them. Yeah.

William Hanson 0:02:52 No, I have the company that I knew it was. Well, I knew it was because I knew immediately because it was just not as nice, but also it didn't have the sticker from the cleaning company on the back.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:01 Ah, right.

William Hanson 0:03:02 So, that was another big tell.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:03 Right.

William Hanson 0:03:04 And actually, last night, in fact, at the time of recording, it was our, uh, Mikey and my wedding anniversary yesterday.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:09 Happy anniversary.

William Hanson 0:03:10 Thank you so much. And, uh, I Dettol to the food bin.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:14 Well, look at you.

William Hanson 0:03:15 Romantic.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:16 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:03:16 I said to him, I said, I need to do something pretty romantic tonight. His eyes lit up.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:21 Nothing ignites romance like the smell of Dettol.

William Hanson 0:03:23 It was actually Zoflora I used, actually.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:25 Oh, Zoflora.

William Hanson 0:03:26 Yeah, Lemon Zing.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:27 Right, there you go.

William Hanson 0:03:28 Popped that in.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:28 You could have used the new Acerve disinfectant spray.

William Hanson 0:03:31 I could have done.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:32 Have you used that in your kitchen yet?

William Hanson 0:03:33 Yeah, yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:34 It's a very, very good spray. It is. It's very fresh. Very fresh smell.

William Hanson 0:03:39 Yes, makes your kitchen feel fresh.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:41 It does make it feel fresh and smell fresh. But I also, I like the way it cleans. It's good for grease. It doesn't smell—

William Hanson 0:03:49 Which do you think is better on your hob? L'Estrés Brujas or Esevi Disinfectant?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:54 L'Estrés Brujas.

William Hanson 0:03:56 Well, that's what you said to me. And I've started using it, and I've been a bit disappointed.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:00 What? L'Estrés Brujas?

William Hanson 0:04:01 With it on the hob. On the surface, it's lovely. But I'm not sure it's doing my hob justice.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:05 What, the multi-surface?

William Hanson 0:04:06 Yep, the yellow one.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:07 Yellow?

William Hanson 0:04:08 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:09 It's not yellow, it's green.

William Hanson 0:04:10 Well, greeny-yellow. It's

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:13 like a— Have you bought an off one?

William Hanson 0:04:15 It's the one you gave me.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:16 Las Tres Brujas?

William Hanson 0:04:18 I don't buy it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:19 I gave you— but it's not yellow.

William Hanson 0:04:21 Well, it's a yellowy-green.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:22 It's not, it's a green.

William Hanson 0:04:24 I'll send you a picture of it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:25 Oh, hang on a minute. No, do you mean the one I made you? A homemade spritz?

William Hanson 0:04:31 No, it's got the witches on it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:33 I think that's a homemade one. That's for tiles.

William Hanson 0:04:37 Well, I've been using it on my surfaces. 'Cause that's what the bottle says.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:41 Yeah, it's okay for surfaces, stone surfaces as well. It's for marble and ceramics.

William Hanson 0:04:48 I'm gonna send you a photo.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:50 Right. Well, yeah, do.

William Hanson 0:04:53 But I thought it was a bit disappointing.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:54 I don't think it's the right one. Right, well, that'll be why. Because the multi-surface cleaner For a hob. Fantastic. Absolutely fantastic.

William Hanson 0:05:03 Well, when we go to Frigg, which is— Bucketheads, the moment has nearly come upon us.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:11 It is about to arrive.

William Hanson 0:05:12 It is next week.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:13 Yes.

William Hanson 0:05:15 Next week's episode's live— recorded live from Frigg.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:19 I will take you— you know when we're gonna go around the Mercadona?

William Hanson 0:05:23 Yep.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:23 I'm gonna take— I thought I'd take you around the back of Mercadona. Yes, do. See if the old guardia civil are around there. Yes. And then if they're not, we'll go inside. Mhm.

William Hanson 0:05:32 Before they do.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:33 And I thought we could have a good old look around a Mercadona. How does that sound?

William Hanson 0:05:37 Please. Yeah? I literally want it to be the first thing we do.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:40 The Mercadona?

William Hanson 0:05:40 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:41 Okay. Alright, we can do something like that.

William Hanson 0:05:42 I'm so excited.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:43 Yeah, lovely. Alright, well, we'll do the Mercadona, and we can— you can have a sniff of the las tres brochas. Yeah, it's very, very good. Anyway, so you got your bin back.

William Hanson 0:05:51 Mhm. It is my bin. I've slooshed out the food bin. It's much cleaner and sterile, so that's nice. It was getting a bit manky.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:58 That's good.

William Hanson 0:05:59 And I am beginning to think about what I will pack for Frigg.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:03 You've not packed?

William Hanson 0:06:04 Well, this— when I phoned you the other day—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:06 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:06:07 You went, have you packed? And bear in mind, when I phoned you, it was a week and a half to go.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:11 2 weeks. 2 weeks before, I like to pack. Yep, 2 weeks.

William Hanson 0:06:14 I haven't even— I will pack the night before, like a normal person.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:19 Like a student.

William Hanson 0:06:20 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:21 2 weeks before.

William Hanson 0:06:22 Dare I say it? It's a bit provincial to pack so early.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:25 But—

William Hanson 0:06:32 It's a bit—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:33 But there's a lot to pack. I mean, I've got 2 lilos to pack. 2 lilos.

William Hanson 0:06:39 Oh, I will do it the night before.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:41 Do you know how much a lilo weighs?

William Hanson 0:06:42 4 kilogrammes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:43 Yeah, 4 kilos each. Yeah. My lilos weigh. It's taking up a lot of weight. I've only got 18.

William Hanson 0:06:49 Lilos?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:50 No, no, I've got 23. 23 kilos. But, um, 8 of it has gone in lilo weight.

William Hanson 0:06:55 And will you leave the lilos there?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:57 No! These lilos, they're my Frigiliana lilos. They've been with me for 15 years. But I'm taking 2, because you're coming to Frigg.

William Hanson 0:07:07 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:07 As indeed is Social Media/Viral Freddie.

William Hanson 0:07:10 Indeed.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:11 And I thought, I cannot have One lilo. They've got to have a lilo each.

William Hanson 0:07:16 Well, what are you lying on?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:17 Oh, don't worry about me. I'll be— I'll be watching you. That didn't sound right. No, I'll be feeding you figs.

William Hanson 0:07:32 Figs in Frick. Figiliano.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:36 No, I will probably be in the pool.

William Hanson 0:07:40 Some— well, yours and my friend, Fraser and Alex, came round for dinner a few weeks ago, and I came up with the idea— I'd forgotten I was gonna do it, so you've escaped this. But we came up with the idea that on one of these episodes, I was gonna pretend that I could no longer come.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:53 Well, I'm really pleased—

William Hanson 0:07:57 And it entertained us so much.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:59 After everything that has gone on, I'm really pleased that you didn't do that. I think I'd probably have a heart attack if you said that now.

William Hanson 0:08:12 I'm going back into Titanic, starting early. End of September.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:16 I can't go. Do you know what? I think I might have actually genuinely fallen out with you. You know, I think that would be a step too far.

William Hanson 0:08:28 So you are already packed?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:29 All packed.

William Hanson 0:08:30 So you could literally go to the airport now, if you went and had your bags with you?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:33 No, toilet bag still needs to go on top. And then it's all good to go. Shut it, lock it, rainbow straps. Here we go, here we go.

William Hanson 0:08:46 It's like the new See It, Say It, Sorted. Shut it, lock it, rainbow straps. Oh my God, can we do t-shirts? Shut it, lock it, rainbow straps.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:10 Oh dear. You will miss me when I'm gone. You will. So, um, I'm all ready to go. I'm all ready to go.

William Hanson 0:09:27 Right.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:27 Yep. I've been on, on the message to the hire car company today, making sure they've got something suitably executive.

William Hanson 0:09:34 Good.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:34 Yes.

William Hanson 0:09:34 Electric?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:36 No, no, not electric. Hybrid? Uh, might be. I don't know. I don't know.

William Hanson 0:09:40 Automatic?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:41 Oh, I hope so. Who can be faffed with gears? Not me. So, I hope it's going to be automatic, but I don't mind. I just need something powerful for the hills.

William Hanson 0:09:52 Oh yes, of course, it is hilly.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:54 You're about to encounter Frigliana.

William Hanson 0:09:57 Can I just say, not a day goes by now Where Jonathan— I open up my Instagram DMs, and Jonathan has sent me a video. Normally with 2 weeks.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:09 I'm trying to get you as excited as I am.

William Hanson 0:10:12 Yes, I am. The thing is, I will be excited the day before.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:15 Oh.

William Hanson 0:10:15 I am very much—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:17 Are you not excited now?

William Hanson 0:10:17 No, I carpe the diem. I live in the moment. That's not what carpe diem means. Don't write in. I can't get excited about things that are that far in advance.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:26 But it's not long now!

William Hanson 0:10:28 At time of recording, Jonathan—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:30 It's not long now!

William Hanson 0:10:31 It's 8 days.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:32 This time next week, I'll be on a Lilo! I will!

William Hanson 0:10:37 And I'll be watching you.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:38 I can't wait.

William Hanson 0:10:44 Do we have any other inflatables?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:47 Little pool noodle? Well, sometimes there are inflatables there. If you're lucky. So, we'll see what's going on.

William Hanson 0:10:56 Rubber ring. Little unicorn thing.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:00 There was once a boat.

William Hanson 0:11:01 Oh.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:02 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:11:03 Okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:03 That was when my nephew came. It was very good. So, we went on— we had numerous sea adventures in the pool with him in his little boat to have a sea rescue

William Hanson 0:11:17 when Uncle Johnny had too much.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:20 We could do that with you on the lilo. Anyway, but I'm really looking forward to it. I am too. It's going to be, uh, fantastic. Uh, Rodrigo's not sure you're gonna like it. Oi, Rodrigo! No. He's not sure you're gonna like it, but I think you're gonna love it. I should be there. Yes, you should be there. You'd like it, Rodrigo, wouldn't you? Yes. Exactly. Sadie, Sadie. I'd love to

William Hanson 0:11:47 come. Well, come along.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:49 Come along. Why not?

William Hanson 0:11:50 One more on the booking.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:51 Literally everyone else is going to be there.

William Hanson 0:11:53 Because your dad's going.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:55 Oh God, everyone's going to be there.

William Hanson 0:11:57 Pam from the pool.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:57 Pam from the pool. She was messaging me yesterday trying to work out her— she gets there the day before.

William Hanson 0:12:02 Oh.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:03 Oh yeah.

William Hanson 0:12:04 Day before you or day before me?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:05 Day before me. Yeah, she's got it all sorted out. I mean, it's literally— it's all going on. Everyone's going to be there. I mean, the whole of the Luxury Podcast will end up in Frigiliana. Lovely.

William Hanson 0:12:16 Yeah. You've even done some— you and the Luxury Podcast Philharmonic Orchestra have done some special music.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:21 Oh, we have. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some great Luxury Frigg music. So, it's all terribly exciting. I'm thrilled.

William Hanson 0:12:29 Silicon Shaun coming?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:30 Silicon Shaun came yesterday.

William Hanson 0:12:32 No, to Frigg.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:32 Oh, no, no, I don't think he's coming to Frigg. But he came to my house yesterday to sort back my couch.

William Hanson 0:12:38 I noticed when you were doing your bonus, or your Patreon chat, Trial Luxury Members Club, you even put a message saying, if Silicon Sean's on this chat, could he let him— could he let me know what time he's coming?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:48 Yeah, yeah. Well, he did turn up.

William Hanson 0:12:50 Did he see it, that message, or not?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:52 I don't think so. No, I don't think so. But he turned up yesterday, and he attended to my leak.

William Hanson 0:12:57 Is it leaking anymore?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:59 Nope.

William Hanson 0:12:59 What was the cause of the leak? Just old?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:01 A valve.

William Hanson 0:13:02 Oh.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:02 To be honest, Sean came with what he calls his Continental assistant. Now, Did he bring his continental assistant to you?

William Hanson 0:13:13 Greek.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:13 Yes.

William Hanson 0:13:14 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:15 Yes.

William Hanson 0:13:16 He's not particularly continental. He just, I think, has Greek heritage.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:18 Young man.

William Hanson 0:13:19 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:20 Young man. So, he turned up, and so Sean and I went out and we just looked at my Kamado. We spent quite a lot of time looking at my Kamado while he fixed the valve.

William Hanson 0:13:31 Right.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:32 So, that was good. And no, it's very nice. He's coming to Luxury Live, Silicon Sean.

William Hanson 0:13:37 In Manchester?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:37 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:13:38 Fantastic. Manchester or London?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:40 No, no, no, in London. In London. So maybe he should bring his business cards.

William Hanson 0:13:43 Yes, he should actually.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:44 Yes.

William Hanson 0:13:45 Can we get a commission?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:46 Luxury plumber for a better class of premises.

William Hanson 0:13:48 What did Mikey— Mikey cited Sean and said we should have him round. I went, well, we should, but that's not a massive job. I'm not sure he's going to be interested.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:57 Well, he's very into his heat pumps. He's a very executive heat pump installer, you see. So trying to get him to come round and attend to a valve is not easy these days. He wants the big job. What have you got?

William Hanson 0:14:11 I can't remember what it was.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:13 Have you got a big job?

William Hanson 0:14:14 No, it was, I think, to put a little radiator up in Micah's study. I don't think we can ask Shaun to schlep all this weight.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:24 Well, he might do. I mean, run it past him. Just say to him, tell me if you're not interested. You know. But he's a nice guy, so he might say, well, I can, but you'll have to wait. So, I don't know.

William Hanson 0:14:36 It's coming into the winter.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:37 It's—

William Hanson 0:14:39 To be fair, the radiator is actually out of stock at the moment. So we—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:42 Oh, right.

William Hanson 0:14:42 It's Academic who does it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:44 Well, there you go. Well, run it past him, see what he says.

William Hanson 0:14:47 I will do.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:16:28 Welcome back, Bucketheads. We're going to read your questions now, so let's dive into our heaving bags of post. If there is something on your mind that needs a luxury touch, postman@luxurypodcast.co.uk is the place for your queries and your questions. And a reminder, we have a live show coming up at the Soho Theatre in Walthamstow. There are just a few tickets left, so you can head over to luxurypodcast.co.uk and snap 'em up.

William Hanson 0:17:10 This first one is from Richard again.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:17:13 Richard!

William Hanson 0:17:14 Dear Jonathan and William, I'm writing to get your thoughts and advice on a letter that my brother received from the owner of the house next door. For context, my brother lives with his partner and 4 children, aged 9, 7, 5, and 6.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:17:25 Gosh, been busy.

William Hanson 0:17:26 Surely that should be 9, 7, 6, and 5.

Speaker A 0:17:29 6 months.

William Hanson 0:17:30 Oh, and 6 months.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:17:31 6 months.

William Hanson 0:17:32 I'm sorry, there was another word.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:17:33 But look at it, the next— it all becomes clear with the next part of that sentence.

William Hanson 0:17:37 In a village on the outskirts of Kingston-upon-Hull.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:17:40 Country life.

William Hanson 0:17:42 This is quite a posh village, with a number of houses selling for in excess of £1 million. My brother and his family are not posh.

William Hanson 0:17:50 They regularly compare themselves to Onslow and Daisy, and I on occasion have been accused of being like Hyacinth. But they work hard and were very lucky to buy the worst house in a nice street about 5 years ago. Shame what they say about where you live, Richard. Anyway, back to this letter. The letter was hand-delivered with no envelope through the letterbox by the owner of the house next door who rents it out and lives overseas.

William Hanson 0:18:09 The handwriting is quite poor, but we believe it says the following: Hi Number 6, it's obviously a challenge renting a property and keeping it maintained remotely. I was very disappointed to arrive back and see weeds and a visible washing line that resembles a council house. I doubt there is a visible washing line anywhere in Swanland. Where's Swanland? That's the area.

William Hanson 0:18:29 Oh, that's the area. For more context, the washing line is at the side of the house behind a gate. See picture for context. And can only be seen when coming down the road, as it is at the bottom of a slight hill on a bend. I mean, that's hardly visible.

William Hanson 0:18:43 We would appreciate your thoughts on this. Is it a reasonable letter to send, or is the owner of the next-door house being a bit of a snobby moron? And how would you recommend my brother properly respond? So far, he has done nothing apart from buying and putting up a second washing line down the side of the house just to spite him. Looking forward to seeing you in Manchester with my best friend and fellow Buckethead, Nicola Richard.

William Hanson 0:19:02 So, what we are seeing on this photograph is there's the car on the drive, it's a brick house, there's a fence, presumably that's just under 6 foot.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:11 Double wooden gates.

William Hanson 0:19:12 Double wooden gates. And there is just the hint— well, yeah, there is a washing line in the back, but you can't— you can only really see the top. And actually, if you're a bit shorter, You probably wouldn't see it at all. Is that fair or not for them?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:27 No, it's not fair.

William Hanson 0:19:28 That's not fair.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:28 No, no, no.

William Hanson 0:19:29 No.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:29 No, it's not. I mean, that's ridiculous. You can understand that.

William Hanson 0:19:33 I'd worry more about the satellite dish.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:35 You are awful. No, I think that's absolutely ridiculous. I mean, I fully agree that washing should never be seen at the front of a property. No.

William Hanson 0:19:48 I don't put my washing out in the back.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:50 Why not?

William Hanson 0:19:50 I don't want people to look at it from— I don't want to be overlooked. Right. So, I just dry it in the bathroom.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:57 Oh, you are funny. With the window open. Even in this lovely hot summer we've had, you've not put any washing in the garden?

William Hanson 0:20:02 Oh no. Well, I'm also rarely at home.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:20:04 I mean, you are absolutely crackers.

William Hanson 0:20:09 But I don't like it because next door we've got new neighbours who are lovely. The old ones are lovely, but these ones are also lovely, because all neighbours are lovely when you do a podcast. And we— I look out The back, sort of, Micah's study, which is at the back of the house, and I can see their laundry, and I don't like it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:20:25 Oh.

William Hanson 0:20:26 Sets me on edge.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:20:27 I don't think in the back garden, I don't think it's any problem at all. It just shouldn't be visible at the front.

William Hanson 0:20:34 No, but that is not visible at the front, Richard.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:20:36 And I feel as if your neighbour's hanging washing out, I think that's a perfectly decent and honourable thing for them to be doing. When I see my neighbours hanging their washing out, I think, well done, you. You're keeping your clothes spick and span. You're letting them air in the fresh air. That's all positive. I think if I saw that they were being sloppy and dirty and untidy, that would worry me. But clean washing hanging in a garden, I think, shows they're keeping standards up.

William Hanson 0:21:06 Yes, just tuck your smalls away so they can't see.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:09 Quite. Anonymous has been in touch. Hello, William and Jonathan. I emigrated to the US of A 2 years ago from delightful Birmingham to Chicago, Illinois.

William Hanson 0:21:20 Ah, you see?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:21 I'm looking to take on a pet and have always had an affinity for birds. Corvids are my favourite due to their intelligence. However, I often feel that keeping them is unfair because of their comparative smarts. Are there any birds that are particularly luxurious or that either of you could recommend? I'm open to a cockatoo, but I do feel they're becoming increasingly common. Kind regards and much love, Anonymous.

William Hanson 0:21:54 A corvid. I've just looked it up. It's basically—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:57 Yeah, it's a crow.

William Hanson 0:21:57 A crow. I wouldn't want to keep a crow.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:00 No. A bit sinister.

William Hanson 0:22:02 No. Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:03 Yeah. But some people do, don't they? Very sinister. No, I think birds are— birds are a strange pet.

William Hanson 0:22:12 It's so weird how both these podcasts I do, we've literally been talking about budgies today.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:16 Have you?

William Hanson 0:22:17 Yeah. And I think budgies are a bit common.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:19 Well, they are. Yeah. And I speak as someone— we used to have a budgie, and my grandparents had a budgie. My grandparents had Sam, and we had Jiffy because he was lemon. And, um, unfortunately— and I'm not proud of this, and this was a very long time ago, but unfortunately my parents froze Jiffy to death during— because Jiffy used to make a lot of noise.

William Hanson 0:22:44 So, they put him in the freezer?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:45 No, they put him in the garden in the depths of winter, because we were trying to watch Coronation Street. When my mother pulled those patio doors back, poor Jiffy, dead.

William Hanson 0:22:57 Gone in a jiffy?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:59 Gone in a jiffy. But I think they're a rather strange pet. I met a man in Florida many years ago. He was down by the beach and he had a white parrot.

William Hanson 0:23:09 Did he ask you to stroke it?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:23:13 And, um, I, I— he was there with his parrot and I said, um, oh, I like your parrot, because what else do you say?

William Hanson 0:23:27 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:23:27 What a nice parrot. He said, oh yeah, you know, it's called so-and-so. And I said, oh, how old is it? And he said, 75. I said, 75? He said, yes, I'm his second owner. First owner died. Because they go on and on, don't they, parrots?

William Hanson 0:23:44 Lord.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:23:44 They live for a long time. So, this is the other thing. If you get a bird, sometimes you've got to have multiple owners because it will see you out. A bit like your sofa.

William Hanson 0:23:57 Rodrigo, did you like the sofa?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:23:59 I like the fabric. You

William Hanson 0:24:02 like the fabric? Well, that's— What

Speaker B 0:24:04 the hell does that mean?

William Hanson 0:24:05 Did you not like it to sit on it?

Speaker C 0:24:06 I didn't sit on it. I didn't have a chance.

William Hanson 0:24:10 No, Jonathan was hogging it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:24:13 I'm not sure about the shape.

William Hanson 0:24:16 Oh.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:24:17 Oh.

William Hanson 0:24:18 No one's ever come after the shape of it. It's more the fabric.

Speaker C 0:24:21 I do like the fabric.

William Hanson 0:24:23 Oh, thank you. Well, that's good. Thank you. You've got taste.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:24:26 William, don't ever ask a South American Unless you want the truth. Because South Americans are blunt, and they'll tell you.

William Hanson 0:24:33 He likes the fabric.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:24:35 Yes.

William Hanson 0:24:35 Doesn't like the shape.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:24:36 No. Did you think the shape was horrible, Rodrigo? It's not my style.

William Hanson 0:24:41 He's learnt British tact.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:24:45 Oh dear. I love doing this.

William Hanson 0:24:51 Oh, this is from Alan.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:24:54 Yes, yes.

William Hanson 0:24:56 Dear JVS and William, I'm writing to you in what I can only describe as a state of domestic design immersion, my girlfriend has recently purchased a fruit bowl. Now ordinarily, one would assume this to be a perfectly innocent household acquisition. However, this is not just any fruit bowl.

William Hanson 0:25:10 It is a rather nasty, cheap-looking glass affair purchased from somewhere called The Range. And it has now been placed, quite without consultation, on our coffee table. Which brings me to the question I feel only you can properly answer: can a fruit bowl ever legitimately occupy the centre of a coffee table as a centrepiece? I'm not asking whether fruit bowls are acceptable in principle. I understand that fruit has its place in the world.

William Hanson 0:25:32 I am asking whether a glass bowl of questionable provenance containing several increasingly distressed pieces of fruit can command the visual real estate of a coffee table without completely undermining the room. My instinct is that a coffee table requires something with considerably more gravitas. Perhaps a beautifully bound coffee table book? A sculptural object? Something in marble?

William Hanson 0:25:51 Certainly not something that looks as though it was purchased during a Saturday afternoon expedition to the range. I await your wisdom before this situation escalates further. Yours in tasteful desperation, Alan North. P.S., can't wait to see you both in November at Luxury Live in Walthamstow.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:05 Nice.

William Hanson 0:26:06 Yeah, don't put a fruit bowl on the coffee table. No. That's the sitting room.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:10 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:26:10 You don't eat fruit in the sitting room.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:12 Where's your fruit bowl?

William Hanson 0:26:13 On the dining room table.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:15 Oh, is it?

William Hanson 0:26:15 Dining room/kitchen table.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:16 Mine's on the kitchen windowsill. It's a nice ceramic one. Yes, purchased by a friend of mine from holiday. And you know, very often when people bring things back from holiday and you think, ugh. And she gave me this bowl. I thought, oh, that's lovely. Genuinely lovely. It's very nice. So that's now on my windowsill.

William Hanson 0:26:37 Yeah, nice. But no, I wouldn't put— I would say, and also the trouble with fruit bowls generally, especially if they're in a public place, is the fruit does all have to be fresh and looking inviting. If it's so public— kitchen, I think you can get away with a slightly sort of a day-old or two banana or apple. But if it is somewhere so public as sitting room, you've— it's got to look beautiful. Everything's got to look pristine.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:27:01 It's a bit care home as well, isn't

William Hanson 0:27:03 it? Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:27:03 Fruit on a coffee table. I mean, we'll have that in Pontcort.

William Hanson 0:27:07 Yes, soft fruits.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:27:08 Soft fruits.

William Hanson 0:27:09 Obviously.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:27:10 Exactly, to suck on.

William Hanson 0:27:14 And more meant for the teeth, actually, because we're not— our dentures are going to come out if we go into an apple.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:27:22 Oh, William. I'm exhausted.

William Hanson 0:27:24 Are you ready for a holiday?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:27:25 I'm ready for a holiday. I need a holiday. Shall we get a frig?

William Hanson 0:27:30 All right, let's get our frig on.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:27:32 Let's get our frig on. We will be back next Wednesday.

William Hanson 0:27:36 Recorded live from Spain.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:27:38 Live from Spain when we record it, not when you hear it.

William Hanson 0:27:42 Yep.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:27:43 Uh, we'll be frigging all over the Costa. No stopping us. But until then, Goodbye!