Jordan’s 2AM Cringe | And Is Wrestling Gay?

William 0:01:38 Hello, Gene Deavers. You join us at a tense point because there's some drilling going on in a nearby office to where we are recording. And it's very loud. We are assured that it will not be as loud for you, but it is quite loud for us.

Jordan 0:01:56 What's annoyed me more is you went, shut that curtain. Like a curtain's gonna stop the sound.

William 0:02:00 It— there it is. It's a soundproof curtain.

Jordan 0:02:05 Yeah, but that's not gonna stop a drilling sound, is it?

William 0:02:07 Well, it might do.

Jordan 0:02:08 It's a bloody drill going through next door. Oh, crikey. Well, one of us— one of us is gonna have to go round and tell him.

William 0:02:15 One of us?

Jordan 0:02:17 Yeah.

William 0:02:17 Oh, Jesus. As the butch one now on this podcast, I think that'll be me. Excuse me, lads. How long you drilling for?

Jordan 0:02:24 Give you a drilling?

William 0:02:26 Oh, please.

Jordan 0:02:27 Anyway, let's start. Hello and welcome to our Friday episode. This is where we see how much extra content we can squeeze into your week. Random things that have been sent in, extra bits that have been going on, and how our advice went down with you, our G&Ders.

William 0:02:46 How are you, darling?

Jordan 0:02:47 I'm good, yourself? You doing much this weekend?

William 0:02:49 What am I doing this weekend? I've got an English Manners Social Etiquette Masterclass. this weekend, and then I'm going on me holidays.

Jordan 0:02:55 Oh, you're going on your jollies?

William 0:02:56 Yes, indeed.

Jordan 0:02:57 Your holly bobs. Yeah,

William 0:02:58 yeah, I don't call them holly bobs.

Jordan 0:03:00 No?

William 0:03:00 No, I think it's very downmarket.

Jordan 0:03:01 You and Mikey are going to Mount Olympus?

William 0:03:03 We are, yes, hopefully. Taking up the Acropolis. We're going to Greece, uh, for those that don't know.

Jordan 0:03:09 Uh, what am I doing this weekend?

William 0:03:11 Yeah, what are you doing?

Jordan 0:03:12 Uh, I, I'm going for a few pints with Capital Lot on Friday. Saturday I'm doing the wheel.

William 0:03:19 Nice.

Jordan 0:03:20 Lovely. Recording the Wheel. It's not gonna be the same without you.

William 0:03:22 Can I— well, bless you. Can I say, I was actually— when you announced a few weeks ago, you just said in passing you were doing the Wheel, I thought, oh, I haven't been asked. But obviously I haven't been asked because I last appeared on the Wheel with Jordan North. So obviously I'm never gonna get asked again. Luckily, I did then get asked. I can't do it. So alas, I've done 5 series in a row. It's time for a break.

Jordan 0:03:45 I won't be doing it this series. That's fine. You were on holiday. That's fine. Sunday, I'm going to Richmond.

William 0:03:50 Rich— what, sausages?

Jordan 0:03:52 No, apparently it's a long story, but I'm going for— I don't know how. My next-door neighbours we met at, you know, the cocktail party.

William 0:04:00 Yeah, Maureen or whatever she's called.

Jordan 0:04:02 Margaret. So the neighbours from there were really nice. They've invited to their house in Richmond.

William 0:04:08 Lovely.

Jordan 0:04:09 Yeah.

William 0:04:09 That's a nice part of the world.

Jordan 0:04:11 Yeah, I've never been before.

William 0:04:12 You've never been to Richmond?

Jordan 0:04:13 No. I've been to Richmond in North Yorkshire. Richmond Castle.

William 0:04:16 It's so similar, actually.

Jordan 0:04:17 It probably is, actually, because it's actually very affluent Richmond in North Yorkshire. It is, yeah.

William 0:04:22 Yes. Rishi Sunak's constituency.

Jordan 0:04:23 There you go. That's how you know. So thank you very much.

William 0:04:26 William Hague's before that.

Jordan 0:04:27 Well, just 'cause it's affluent doesn't mean it's Tory.

William 0:04:31 I know that.

Jordan 0:04:32 Just saying.

William 0:04:32 Yeah.

Jordan 0:04:33 You know.

William 0:04:35 All right. It's not the rest of politics.

Jordan 0:04:36 No, I'm just saying. So yeah, I'm going there.

William 0:04:39 Well, lovely. I hope you have a lovely time.

Jordan 0:04:40 I've been to Richmond before.

William 0:04:41 You've just told us that.

Jordan 0:04:43 Yeah, in North Yorkshire. I went up Richmond Castle and Wendy had a funny day.

William 0:04:46 She had a funny what?

Jordan 0:04:47 She went, you know, um, you know, you go on your school holidays. I know it's always a parent that had to volunteer. Oh, on like school holidays?

William 0:04:53 school days out.

Jordan 0:04:54 Yeah, yeah. So Wendy used to volunteer because she did have a job. She brought up 4 children, right? Okay. But she used to always volunteer for them. And anyway, she took us up Richmond Castle, and she took a group up, and I was with her. So, you know, like, you go up in like 5s, 6s. She had a funny turn at top. She had a look, she fainted at top of Richmond Castle.

William 0:05:12 Make it all about her.

Jordan 0:05:13 I know. Yeah. Oh, oh, she'll hear that one. Sorry, Miss Marshall, I just had a 20 days up top, yeah.

William 0:05:21 Oh, well, have a lovely time. Let us know what it's like.

Jordan 0:05:24 Thank you.

Speaker A 0:05:25 Yeah.

Ben 0:05:25 Does that still happen on school trips where parents volunteer?

Jordan 0:05:28 Yeah, I think parents volunteer.

William 0:05:29 Not sure if it happened in our school.

Jordan 0:05:31 I weren't a baker. I weren't up for sports day, but I'd always volunteer on school trips. You're a bus escort as well.

William 0:05:37 Wherever you can pick up trade.

Jordan 0:05:40 You're a bus escort in Northern Ireland as well.

William 0:05:43 Right.

Jordan 0:05:43 Which is weird because—

William 0:05:45 You're going up top.

Jordan 0:05:46 We used to get on a bus sometimes without guards to go to school. And then— and this was '90s. And

William 0:05:52 you weren't in a yellow bus, were you?

Jordan 0:05:54 No,

William 0:05:54 no.

Jordan 0:05:55 But she were a bus escort as well.

William 0:05:56 Was she?

Jordan 0:05:57 Yeah, so she used to like come on school bus with us.

William 0:05:59 Well, how lovely.

Jordan 0:06:01 She used to volunteer in crèche in Tidworth as well.

William 0:06:03 Oh.

Jordan 0:06:04 Kept herself busy.

William 0:06:05 She did keep herself busy.

Ben 0:06:06 Lollipop lady?

Jordan 0:06:07 No, she weren't a lollipop lady, but me mate's mum were.

Ben 0:06:12 Was she in witness protection?

William 0:06:13 Why would she be in witness protection?

Ben 0:06:15 Isn't that what they say about lollipop ladies? They're like—

William 0:06:18 What, they're all in witness protection?

Ben 0:06:19 They're all criminals.

William 0:06:20 Really?

Jordan 0:06:21 I've never heard that before.

William 0:06:22 It's a very conspicuous job to do if you're trying to hide.

Jordan 0:06:24 I can imagine it and go, right, here's your house, here's the dishwasher. What's that? Oh, that? Yeah, that big lolly. So your job is also, 'cause you got a free house and stuff, you've gotta earn your keep. So just every morning, every afternoon, Keep yourself busy. The hat's optional, but I suggest you wear it so the ex-husband don't find you. And all that kind of thing.

William 0:06:44 I just don't think if you're in witness protection, you should be standing in the middle of a road dressed in high-vis. I just think that's a very silly thing. If you work in witness protection, you probably do.

Ben 0:06:54 Or a lollipop lady.

William 0:06:55 Or are a lollipop lady.

Jordan 0:06:56 Or a lollipop man.

William 0:06:57 Or person.

Jordan 0:06:57 Lollipop man.

William 0:06:58 Lollipop person. Then let us know.

Jordan 0:07:02 Is it lollipop person now?

William 0:07:03 I think so. You can be whichever gender.

Ben 0:07:05 When was the last time you had a lollipop?

Jordan 0:07:07 I've not seen— do you know what? I've not seen— can we— if there's any G&D-ers that are lollipop people, can you get in touch? Because I've not seen one for years.

William 0:07:14 Well, you need to go near a school.

Jordan 0:07:17 I'm not allowed, am I? That's a joke.

Ben 0:07:21 I see 2 every morning.

Jordan 0:07:23 Do you? I've not seen a lollipop person for years. If you know— So

William 0:07:26 when you're dropping the kids off?

Jordan 0:07:27 G&D-ers, if you're listening, Joe, get this one on. If you see any lollipop people, take pictures for us. We'll pixelate the faces out. If they're witness protection, but because we haven't got the permission, you never see them anymore.

William 0:07:41 I'm sure it still goes on.

Jordan 0:07:43 Some are really jolly and love the job. I love when they put the stick out, go, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. Some are right miserable bastards, aren't they? There was one near me in Preston, right miserable git. I thought, you're dealing with kids. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

William 0:07:59 Kids can be absolute tearaways.

Jordan 0:08:00 Well, I'm like, I can press the button myself.

William 0:08:03 Players. Anyway, a few episodes ago, Jordan, you talked about losing your trainers and having one returned to you at the gym. So we asked for odd things our GNDers have lost. Aveena baked their house keys into a loaf of banana bread and found them 3 days later.

Jordan 0:08:18 Well, Aveena's winning for me.

William 0:08:20 I mean, how the heck do you drop keys in your batter? Why are your keys even in the kitchen?

Jordan 0:08:24 I've got new house keys after I lost mine. I'll have my fob as well, please, this week. Don't think— I know you're fobbing me off with my fob. He's still not giving me a fob to get in the building.

William 0:08:33 Well, you're gonna lose it anyway.

Jordan 0:08:35 I have to be escorted in and out of the building.

William 0:08:37 By your mum, actually. She comes in, she helps out. She's the studio escort.

Jordan 0:08:42 I want my fob, please. And I'm not paying £15 out of principle.

William 0:08:48 Just before we continue with this, where do you keep your house keys?

Jordan 0:08:51 Yeah. What? It depends.

William 0:08:55 What do you mean it depends? Do you not have a set place?

Jordan 0:08:57 No, and this is why sometimes they're on the Side. Sometimes— usually they're in my pocket from the night before in a jacket.

William 0:09:04 Well, that's stupid.

Jordan 0:09:04 Sometimes they're in the kitchen.

William 0:09:06 No, you need one place.

Jordan 0:09:07 I've got an AirTag on them now.

William 0:09:08 Well, you're still losing them. You need one set place that they always go. We've got a drawer set back from the door, because if it's too close, particularly if your car key's there, unless you have a Faraday box, which is the box that— or wrap them in tinfoil, which is the thing that stops the— you know, ne'er-do-wells can sort of copy the signal from your car keys and clone your car keys if they're too near the front door. So you have to keep your car keys either in a Faraday box, wrapped in tinfoil, foil, or metres and metres and metres away from where your car actually is.

Ben 0:09:36 That's morning life.

William 0:09:38 Stan said, when I was younger, my mum got annoyed that I used to keep leaving my mobile phone lying around. So one day, she thought she'd teach me a lesson and hide it from me. But the problem was, she forgot where she hid it. And to this day, 15 years later, it has never been found. My mum wonders if my dad used it for when he had his affair as his shagging phone, but I'd rather not think about

Jordan 0:09:58 that. Oh God, that's still lingering.

William 0:09:59 Okay, well, she's—

Jordan 0:10:01 How can you lose a phone and forget where you put it?

William 0:10:02 You don't ring it. and find out. Also, where do you live? Buckingham Palace?

Jordan 0:10:06 I know, yeah. How many rooms do you have?

William 0:10:08 Yeah. And also, like, why is your mother annoyed that you've been keeping your mobile phone lying around? Surely, by nature of a mobile phone, it's got mobile in the title. You are going to move it around. You know, some days it's in the kitchen, some days it's on the sofa. That's just how it happens. You move it around with you.

Jordan 0:10:23 Okay.

William 0:10:23 Just a thought. Stevie had a lost and found situation. Went on a night out at uni, managed to lose my keys, wallet, and phone, but somehow managed to acquire a massive calculator. Still can't remember where I got it from. Well, that's good. I mean, you probably can't use the calculator to do any of the above, but if you ever need to do your tax return, you're in luck. Emily lost her goldfish. I was cleaning the tank, so I put her in a tub with a lid in the kitchen on the floor. When I went to put her back in the tank, the lid was off and the tub was empty. I went looking around the kitchen floor to eventually find her across the other side of the room. She was fine, a little dusty, but I put her straight back in. This was around 14 years ago, and she's still going strong at 26 years old.

Jordan 0:11:02 Shut up!

William 0:11:02 That is so good for a goldfish.

Jordan 0:11:04 Like Nemo, whatever he's called.

William 0:11:07 Nemo was not a goldfish, but—

Jordan 0:11:09 Yeah, a clownfish he was.

William 0:11:10 Yeah, different type of fish.

Jordan 0:11:11 Yeah, but still, I'm just saying, like, that's a story in itself.

William 0:11:14 Oh, it is, yeah. Get Pixar on that.

Jordan 0:11:16 That's a Pixar movie, innit? Jeez. Did he not die? How long can goldfish stay out of water for?

William 0:11:22 Well, he wasn't out of water. He was just—

Jordan 0:11:25 Flapping about.

William 0:11:26 Oh yeah.

Jordan 0:11:28 He was.

William 0:11:29 Lordy. Well, let's not get a goldfish in and test that. I don't think that's a good idea.

Jordan 0:11:32 I don't even have a goldfish. I have no pets at all. How sad's my life?

William 0:11:36 You don't— well, I don't have any pets either. Lots of people don't have pets.

Jordan 0:11:39 Yeah, you's fine. I might get a fish tank.

William 0:11:41 What do you mean, you's fine?

Jordan 0:11:42 I might get a fish tank with some nice fish in.

William 0:11:44 Oh, it's a lot of work.

Jordan 0:11:46 Is it?

William 0:11:46 You've got to clean your tank out. I just don't think you—

Jordan 0:11:50 Spray some spray in or something.

William 0:11:51 Yeah, not recommended.

Jordan 0:11:53 I might be that guy that has a fish tank. They were very in in the '90s.

Ben 0:11:57 They are quite hard to keep clean.

William 0:11:59 That's exactly what I've just said, and I just don't think you'll have the time or the patience.

Jordan 0:12:03 I remember Certain kids at school had fish tanks. I was like, Christ, you're doing well. And they always had really nice lights.

William 0:12:10 We used to have fish. Noddy and Big Ears, I called them. I was young. They died, and my parents came down and saw that they were dead and were very worried because it's the first experience of death that I would have had at age 4 or 5. And they were psyching out how they actually tell me, and they just— they were very factual about it apparently. And I just went, Oh, can we eat them for breakfast? So I didn't really seem to care.

Ben 0:12:35 Little did you know you'd never eat fish.

William 0:12:37 Little— exactly, you see? But that was the last time I've ever wanted to eat fish, was Noddy and Big Ears.

Jordan 0:12:42 And what sort of fish are they?

William 0:12:44 Goldfish.

Jordan 0:12:44 And what did you do with the tank after? Was it just a bowl?

William 0:12:46 Well, I think we just had a bowl. And as we all know, you are meant to have something that aerates the tank. So I think it was manslaughter.

Jordan 0:12:52 Yeah, but don't you leave—

William 0:12:53 Fish slaughter.

Jordan 0:12:53 Don't you only half fill it so they can get up for air and stuff?

William 0:12:57 Get up for air?

Jordan 0:12:58 Pop up for air.

William 0:12:59 Well, yeah, they go to— however—

Jordan 0:13:00 You don't need it like a— do you need a full tank?

Ben 0:13:02 I think that's— I think when they go up to the top, they're eating, not breathing.

Jordan 0:13:04 No, but you need like— I remember you don't fill the bowl up full because you've got to have a bit of air in there.

William 0:13:08 But does it matter how much air you've got? Because there will at some point, the water will stop so that wherever the water level finishes, they can go up for air.

Jordan 0:13:15 I don't want a fish. Fine, you've put me off it. Okay.

Ben 0:13:18 Apparently goldfish can live up to 17 to 13— 7 to 13 hours out of water if you keep them damp and wet. But 10 to 60 minutes.

William 0:13:25 Oh, okay. Now, we also talked about the random things that our GND-ers and we remember and regret at 2 AM. We got a lot of stories sent in, so brace yourselves for some serious secondhand embarrassment. M said, I was chosen to put the memorial wreath— oh God, already I'm loving this story— down for Remembrance Day in my small village. Tripped over and knocked myself out in front of everyone, including all of my school friends. The embarrassment still makes me cringe. to this day.

Jordan 0:13:56 Okay, that's not that bad. I've done way worse. Go on, I'll

William 0:14:00 just keep— Claire said, I'm a recently promoted director, and when I met the new partner of our company, we'll call him Gary, I shook his hand and said, hi, I'm Gary, rather than my own name. Gives me night sweats. Yeah, I wouldn't worry too much about that. We've all done that. Jenny misused some slang. I used to think cream pie was slang for being pied off or rejected. I used to say it all the time, even in church.

Jordan 0:14:25 Oh, geez.

William 0:14:26 If someone got rejected, I'd say, oh, you've been cream pied there. Wow.

Jordan 0:14:30 Cream pies.

William 0:14:31 Is not to do with being pied.

Jordan 0:14:35 Ben, is it what— I know what it is, what I know.

William 0:14:37 Do we need— is this another edition of Willy Reads the Urban Dictionary?

Jordan 0:14:40 Ben, why are you Googling it? You know what cream pie is. Why are you asking me?

William 0:14:43 Ben, go to your bookmarks folder.

Ben 0:14:45 In my brain.

Jordan 0:14:47 Okay. What's the official definition of cream pie?

William 0:14:52 Welcome to our new, new feature, Producer Ben Reads Urban Dictionary.

Ben 0:14:55 The act of unprotected/uncovered penile ejaculation and insemination inside the vagina.

Jordan 0:15:02 It's just normal sex.

William 0:15:05 Can I just say, that's very heteronormative, what you've just read. It doesn't have to be a vagina.

Ben 0:15:09 Well, I'm reading what's in front of me.

William 0:15:11 What is in front of you?

Ben 0:15:12 They've got an example.

Jordan 0:15:13 Yours is a chocolate pie.

Ben 0:15:15 Well, the second one does say inside of a vagina or anus.

William 0:15:23 Thank you.

Jordan 0:15:24 Yours is chocolate cake.

William 0:15:25 Right, would you like a helping?

Ben 0:15:26 The act of not pulling the penis out of the vagina or anus and ejaculating inside. There is an example.

Jordan 0:15:32 It's just sex!

Ben 0:15:33 Do you want an example? Yes. Female. It could be anyone. He came so much inside me, it felt like it was drooling out forever. I'm so sorry. The perfect cream pie.

Jordan 0:15:44 I'm so sorry to our listeners. Even for us, that was—

William 0:15:47 Jessica had a mishap working in a Swiss hotel. Very fancy. A family I built a rapport with suggested a group photo. They meant for me to take it, of course, but I misunderstood, got in the photo instead, and one of the actual family members had to take it with me in it. I think about this a lot and wake up in a cold sweat from time to time, wondering if someone in the world has a photo on a mantelpiece from a trip to Verbier with a random receptionist front and centre.

Jordan 0:16:12 Oh, poor Jessica with the main character energy. I love that. That's so sweet, bless ya.

William 0:16:17 We've had that before. We've talked about it before, where we'll be walking to the station together and they go, oh, hi, can I have a photo? And I go, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they just hand you the phone.

Jordan 0:16:26 Yeah. That's how the tables have turned.

William 0:16:28 Yeah.

Jordan 0:16:29 I'm used to it now.

William 0:16:30 It used to— well, remember going around Burnley? That happened to me. Remember the person in the meat market or whatever we were? Burnley Market. She's like, oh, can I have a photo? And she handed me the phone.

Jordan 0:16:38 You've never let that go, have you?

William 0:16:40 No, no, no. Working through it. Hedda has a relationship-based 2 AM shame. When I was 21, I matched with a guy on a dating app. We exchanged numbers and texted all the time. We also We FaceTimed each other. We were constantly in touch on the phone. Eventually, we said we loved each other, and when we were abroad, we used to send each other postcards. So retro. I was so damn in love with this guy. After months of texting and phone calls, we decided to meet. We were going to rent bikes in a park. It was the first time we saw each other. Everything was going well. We kissed, held hands, and biked around. Then suddenly, he accidentally rode into a pothole. He fell. I got the biggest dick and panicked so much that I just biked away as fast as I could, leaving the poor guy on the ground.

Jordan 0:17:19 Shut up! You loved this guy, and you left him in a pothole. Izzy's agreeing with you,

William 0:17:27 hey? I got home, blocked his number, and turned off my phone. That was 10 years ago. We haven't spoken since. What a header.

Jordan 0:17:32 What? How can you get the ick from— like, all right, you get the ick, but you kind of say, right, I'm gonna go home now and make sure he's all right. He gave you the ick that much?

William 0:17:41 You don't even try it now?

Jordan 0:17:42 I think there's something deeper there. You must not have liked him.

William 0:17:44 Deeper than the pothole.

Jordan 0:17:45 Mm.

William 0:17:45 Sam from Bristol almost had a help, I sexted my dad moment. When I was 16, I was having a sick day from school. As any gay teenager, I spent a bit of my day having some alone time. Later on, my dad asked me to send him a recipe we had spoken about previously, and I accidentally sent him a dirty link. I still think about it to this day.

Jordan 0:18:03 Oh, jeez. Oh, jeez.

William 0:18:05 And that was probably in the day when you couldn't unsend or delete messages once they were sent.

Jordan 0:18:08 Oh, jeez. That's given it all.

William 0:18:10 Yeah.

Jordan 0:18:12 Yeah.

William 0:18:12 Well, it all goes on in Bristol. We've got more of your emails, messages, and letters after the break.

Jordan 0:18:16 Oh God, that's a bad one.

Jordan 0:21:36 All right, Gene Divas, uh, let's go back to some of your responses. What have we got? Please, William Hanson.

William 0:21:44 Coronet. has been in touch with a spoonful of yoghurt wisdom. Hi boys, EPB, and the rest of the Sexton family. After listening to Jordan talk about not having a good yoghurt spoon on a recent episode, he'll be happy to know that if he heads to Sainsbury's, they are now selling Müller yoghurt spoons, specifically made to get that last bit of yoghurt out of the corners.

Jordan 0:22:02 Oh, fantastic!

William 0:22:03 I just thought this would make him happy. P.S., I have to get up at 1:30 AM for work, Jordan, so getting up at 4 AM is a treat for me. Can I— 4:20.

Jordan 0:22:11 Can I just— It's 4:15 nowadays. Can I just say, actually, I haven't mentioned that way over a year, can I just say. Ben, back me up here. Like, it was— maybe it started off as a joke and everyone's like, oh, shut up. I probably haven't mentioned that for a while. So, you know, just, just saying. Also, um, please— not that I read the comments— stop saying how knackered I look. Like, we know I, I look shattered sometimes.

William 0:22:38 I don't think you do.

Jordan 0:22:39 Oh, I have a couple of— I'll tell you about that Mel Gogovic one we did.

William 0:22:43 Mel Gogovic?

Jordan 0:22:43 Yeah.

William 0:22:45 Well, you had just had your operation. Yeah. Well, looking at that yoghurt spoon— It's good. Yeah, it sort of— it looks— if you imagine a normal shape of a spoon, and then the right-hand sort of— I say corner, spoons don't have corners— but the right-hand area of it is in a slight point. But a bit like cake forks, which have the thicker left-hand tine, I would say that this is only probably good if you're right-handed.

Jordan 0:23:08 Okay.

William 0:23:09 But if you're left-handed, do they sell a left-handed version?

Jordan 0:23:12 Is he digging a fucking tunnel in there? Is he trying to come through? Jesus Christ. All part of the fun.

William 0:23:17 After discovering what supermanning is— we're so educational— Dave has been in touch to share a few more so-called super style positions. Hey guys, I was listening to your latest episode and thought I'd clear up a few slang terms you mentioned. Superman is when a man ejaculates onto someone's back and places something like a tissue there so it resembles a cape.

Jordan 0:23:40 Jesus Christ.

William 0:23:42 Here's one more for you. The one-eyed angry pirate refers to ejaculating towards someone's face, typically aiming for one eye.

Jordan 0:23:49 Wasn't there one where you shaved your pubes and threw them on the face as well, so you look like Blackbeard?

William 0:23:54 Sure. Now I think that's just what you were doing.

Jordan 0:23:56 I got told that in school. There was the angry pirate, and then there was another pirate where you jizzed in their eye and then shaved your pubes and threw it on the—

William 0:24:05 Now you've got a beard.

Jordan 0:24:06 Yeah.

William 0:24:07 Is that natural, or is that pubes?

Jordan 0:24:09 This is natural. Is

William 0:24:10 that from years of people—

Jordan 0:24:12 This is all natural. This is all natural, my love.

William 0:24:15 Okay, fine. The Lion King— oh, I don't want to know. Involves ejaculation—

Jordan 0:24:21 My boss listens to this.

William 0:24:22 Listened. The Lion King involves ejaculating onto a thumb, rubbing it into a partner's head, and saying, is it time? Referencing the scene from Lion King.

Jordan 0:24:33 It's also—

William 0:24:34 I don't know if that's true.

Jordan 0:24:35 You also— no, I know someone that's done that.

Ben 0:24:38 What?

Jordan 0:24:38 Yeah, I genuinely do. And they went, Simba. I'm not mentioning names. But yeah, I know someone that's done that. And their partner was not happy.

William 0:24:51 No.

Jordan 0:24:51 It's the funniest thing ever. They told the other person.

William 0:24:54 I don't think it's the absolute funniest thing ever, no. But it's horrific.

Jordan 0:24:58 Yeah.

William 0:24:59 Okay, well, we've all learnt something.

Jordan 0:25:02 There you go. Does he know how he does that hat?

William 0:25:03 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Rafiki does that.

Ben 0:25:05 With a bit of clay, is it?

William 0:25:07 Yeah, muddy clay or something.

Jordan 0:25:09 Is he a wrestler?

William 0:25:09 Rafiki the— no, the monkey. The baboon. I think he's a baboon.

Jordan 0:25:13 I've never seen it.

William 0:25:13 You've never seen— yes, of course, we did this recently. We need to go and see it in the West End.

Jordan 0:25:18 Do you know, I'm thinking, who's the wrestler? Oh, I'm thinking of Rishiki.

William 0:25:23 Right.

Jordan 0:25:24 And his move— his move, he used to— you'd like it. show him it.

William 0:25:31 Why would I like that?

Jordan 0:25:32 His move, what was it called? He'd just put their arse on your face and wiggle his smelly bum on your face. What was it called?

William 0:25:38 Well, I can see why potentially I might like it.

Jordan 0:25:40 Rishiki's— he's a big guy. Any other WWF fans? I refuse to call it WWE.

Ben 0:25:46 I believe it's called the Stink Face.

Jordan 0:25:48 Stink Face, yeah. Rishiki. It was very gay wrestling, come to think of it.

William 0:25:53 Yeah.

Jordan 0:25:54 Yeah, it was Rishiki. There was one where he stuck his— Hello, Freud. There's one in your sock in your mouth that the Mankind used to do. Right. Yeah. He used to put a sock on his head and shove it in your mouth. Mr. Socko, I think that was called. In fact, come to think of it, Rock Bottom was my favourite move. Yeah, mate. Rock Bottom! Rock Bottom!

William 0:26:15 Sometimes you don't need to say anything.

Jordan 0:26:17 The only way mine and my brother's love language is, you know, is we just—

William 0:26:23 For you, it's Rock Bottom.

Jordan 0:26:23 No, we just send each other memes of wrestling moments from the '90s, and it's hit my, my little brothers and my older brothers where you're saying, you're right. I get at least 2 wrestling clips a week, sometimes footy ones as well. That's our love language, if you will.

William 0:26:39 Oh, well, that's nice.

Jordan 0:26:40 Memes of wrestlers. Rock Bottom! I had pictures of Dwayne Johnson all in my room. Him and Triple H.

William 0:26:47 After

Jordan 0:26:49 drawing The Big Show— It's so gay! Oh my God, wrestling was so gay.

William 0:26:53 It is a little— it's definitely homoerotic.

Jordan 0:26:56 Well, it's a big show.

William 0:26:59 What's that, Steve Wright?

Jordan 0:27:01 It's a big bad show tonight. I had all the figures and everything. Anyway.

William 0:27:05 After your recent chat about dressing for nightclubs in the noughties, Mike has come up with a proper throwback for us. Dear William Jordan, EPB, and the rest of the amazing Sex Ed crew, Mike here, a proper northerner, born and raised in Wigan and now living the dream in Chorley. Oh yes. I wanted to write about Jordan's comments about what guys used to wear when going to nightclubs up north.

Jordan 0:27:25 Yeah, because I said recently I'm jealous of what people wear now. You used to have to wear shit shoes and stuff. Go on.

William 0:27:30 Well, apparently you nailed it. He may be a smidgen younger than me, Mike continues, as I'm 46. A little bit. But he knows the score. If I was to say to Jordan, I'm wearing my Rockports, my Henry Henry Lloyd jeans, and a Ben Sherman shirt.

Jordan 0:27:45 Ah, what a look.

William 0:27:46 And I'm off to Toaks to listen to Freejack.

Jordan 0:27:49 Mark Freejack, legend. Mark Freejack, good mate of mine, used to be a DJ in the Lancashire area. He had a few clubs as well. Still going, proper legend. Used to work with him at Rock FM.

William 0:28:00 Yeah,

Jordan 0:28:01 he was that big of a DJ, people used to pretend to be him.

William 0:28:04 And is that a DJ in the style, the traditional style, actually mixing, or like you where you just press play?

Jordan 0:28:10 No, I— he was a radio DJ.

William 0:28:13 Oh, a radio DJ, that sort of DJ.

Jordan 0:28:14 His Sunday night show, Rock FM, was class.

William 0:28:16 Love songs?

Jordan 0:28:17 No, it wasn't love songs.

William 0:28:19 Late night love?

Jordan 0:28:19 He used to do classic cuts and floor fillers on a Sunday. Okay, it was, it was class. But yeah, I, I know exactly what you're on about there.

William 0:28:26 Well, Mike, Mike says that you would, if he said that about Toques and Freejack, you would absolutely know what he was looking like and where he was going.

Jordan 0:28:34 Yeah, Tokyo Joes.

William 0:28:35 Anyway, oh, is that Toques?

Jordan 0:28:36 Yeah.

William 0:28:37 Short for Tokyo Joes.

Jordan 0:28:38 Yeah, but then it turned to Lava Ignite when I was there.

William 0:28:41 I've heard you talk about Lava Ignites. Yes.

Jordan 0:28:43 It can be a great night in there, William.

William 0:28:44 Anyway, thanks for the hard work on the episodes. My week wouldn't be complete without you. Thanks again, Mike from Wigan, now in Chorley.

Jordan 0:28:50 Cheers, Mike in Wigan. That was a look. We talked about Rockport there and no one had a clue what they

William 0:28:55 Shoes, aren't they?

Jordan 0:28:56 Yeah.

William 0:28:56 Trainers.

Jordan 0:28:57 Very expensive shoes.

William 0:28:59 Oh.

Jordan 0:28:59 You could say a bit chuffy, but I had them all throughout school.

William 0:29:03 Doesn't surprise me. And finally, Arma has messaged in with a correction for me. Oh, my favourite. Hello, sexy team. Hope you're well. On last week's Friday episode, William received a commemorative spoon marking George VI and Queen Elizabeth's visit to Canada. William incorrectly referred to this as a state visit. Yes, I know they're a Commonwealth country. As a king, was also King of Canada, This was in fact a royal visit.

Jordan 0:29:28 Okay, leading etiquette expert. Yes. Don't worry, love, we all get things wrong.

William 0:29:36 Yeah, yeah, yeah, like your hair.

Jordan 0:29:38 I said food.

William 0:29:39 Oh, the mullet's gone! Yeah, ish. Yeah, it's receding.

Jordan 0:29:45 Got a fade.

William 0:29:45 Okay. Anyway, also called a royal tour when the visit involves multiple locations, a state visit is done by a head of state, yes, to a foreign nation. As head of state of Canada, the King is not a foreigner, and visiting is no different from visiting parts of UK or outside London. Similarly, last year when the King and Queen visited Ottawa, they undertook a royal visit, while their visit to the US a few weeks ago was a state visit. All the best from another loyal G&D-er in Calgary, Arma. Well, thank you so much, Arma. Thank you for listening.

Jordan 0:30:13 We always love it so

William 0:30:14 attentively.

Jordan 0:30:15 We love it when people correct William Hanson. So,

William 0:30:18 and they are absolutely correct.

Jordan 0:30:19 At least he knows you can take it.

William 0:30:21 Yeah, it's time I probably tried something else rather than etiquette in my career.

Jordan 0:30:25 No, no, it's fine.

William 0:30:26 No, no, it's fine.

Jordan 0:30:27 Don't be daft. You're very good at your job.

William 0:30:29 Oh, thank you so much. Well, Arma, if you want a job, let us know.

Jordan 0:30:33 Let's finish with our comment of the week. This can be from Spotify, YouTube, or any of our socials. So we just plough through the comments. I don't read them. We go through all the ones that tell me I look tired, and then we try to fit out the ones that don't comment on my appearance, don't we? Yeah. That's how it works, isn't it?

William 0:30:47 The honourable mentions. Scott commented on Spotify to say, as a 38-year-old man, is anyone else glad fingering is still happening with the young ones? I feel like it's a lost art now. Something I mastered early on in my life.

Jordan 0:30:58 Listen, Mickey Flanagan's been going on about this for years. The demise of fingering. He thinks—

William 0:31:05 Is it the demise, or is it just actually as you get older, you're not really meant to talk about it?

Jordan 0:31:08 I think— What do you mean?

William 0:31:10 Well, 'cause you know, you start talking about your pension and your sciatica and that sort of thing. You don't really talk about, you know, oh, fingers look good.

Jordan 0:31:19 Can I just do another thing about nights out?

William 0:31:21 Yeah, go on.

Jordan 0:31:22 Alright, okay. And I've talked about this recently with a lot of friends. Okay. And I'm, I'm not saying it's right, I'm not saying it's wrong, and it was all above board and it was all permission. But in clubs, when I was going on nights out, so many girls would get fingered on the dance floor. Like, so it was a thing at uni and stuff.

William 0:31:41 Same when I went out.

Jordan 0:31:42 Yeah, it was. And I, I don't know if it happens anymore, but like, my mate would just come up and be like, do you want a drink? I'm like, yeah, you know, I've just fingered a bird on the dance floor. But all right, I think he fingered like 3 girls on a night out. once. So I'm just saying, I

William 0:31:56 think— Well, I hope it was with consent.

Jordan 0:31:57 I think once he started letting us dress casually, that was the demise of fingering in nightclubs. We're not clipping that up for the thingy. But just wanted to make that point.

William 0:32:08 We also got a lot of comments on my parkour— Parkour!

Jordan 0:32:11 Parkour!

William 0:32:12 —video, including—

Jordan 0:32:12 It's the best video you've ever done.

William 0:32:14 Well, thank you very much.

Jordan 0:32:15 Better than peas, bananas, the lot. That was brilliant.

William 0:32:19 Well, the view count says otherwise.

Jordan 0:32:20 I can't stop watching it.

William 0:32:21 Who thought it was AI? People thought it was AI. It was not AI. It was actually us. Sian, off of Welby, commented on Instagram, do not try this at home. William has made this look easy, but the twirls against the wall is a deadly move only to be used by professionals. Thank you, Sian, for realising that, you know, I have trained for a couple of weeks for that. In fact, it's amazing. I actually got a friend, Adam, who actually now does a completely different job, but used to be a parkour instructor. How convenient. So we're absolutely gonna meet up, and instead of talking about theatre, he's going to teach me some parkour.

Ben 0:32:58 Surely it's you teaching him at this stage.

William 0:33:00 Yeah, true. We'll exchange some parkour moves.

Jordan 0:33:04 Why don't you teach Sian Welby? Why don't you take her out?

William 0:33:06 Yes!

Jordan 0:33:07 She's very busy, but between hosting Capital X this morning—

William 0:33:11 If anything, it would help her get from Leicester Square to Covent Garden, 'cause she could jump over— Parkour, yes. She could parkour there. She could be there. She could actually save time.

Jordan 0:33:20 Yeah, alright. I'll pass your message on.

William 0:33:22 Shit.

Ben 0:33:22 Yeah. You know what it reminded me of?

William 0:33:24 Yes.

Ben 0:33:25 You remember at the Olympics a few years ago where that woman did the breakdancing?

Jordan 0:33:28 From Canada.

Ben 0:33:29 From, I think she was from Australia.

Jordan 0:33:30 New Zealand.

Ben 0:33:31 Everyone ridiculed her.

Jordan 0:33:32 Yeah.

Ben 0:33:33 That just reminded me of

Jordan 0:33:34 that. Yeah. I know the one you mean.

William 0:33:36 Why would people be ridiculing me?

Jordan 0:33:37 It was a very funny dance.

William 0:33:38 But our comment of the week comes from I on YouTube. This is my favourite. I found this. And this was commenting on one of our episodes. William, I don't know for sure, but I am too sorry for the women who are sleeping with They are doing that by knowingly they can't have a marriage ceremony publicly like the other women do. I would also do the same if I can have the man I love, whatever he is, but that's so pitiful just by thoughts. I am not a gay woman, but I like you. Well, I feel very—

Jordan 0:34:06 Who wrote that? AI? What is that?

William 0:34:08 Just I. I feel very sorry for all the women I'm sleeping with as well.

Jordan 0:34:12 Oh, did they think you were—

William 0:34:13 Yeah.

Jordan 0:34:14 A man who sleeps with women?

William 0:34:15 'Cause I'm now the butch one.

Jordan 0:34:17 I'm not the butch one.

William 0:34:18 We've done this before. We're both as butch as each other.

Jordan 0:34:24 That's not true.

William 0:34:24 Let's agree on that.

Jordan 0:34:25 I'm just— anyway.

William 0:34:27 Anyway, I love that comment, Ai. Thank you. A few people did just respond to it with like, what on earth are you talking about?

Jordan 0:34:36 Remember, you can listen to new episodes every Tuesday and Friday and 24 hours before anywhere else on Global Player. If you want to get in touch about something that isn't a dialogue dilemma or a problem, drop into our DMs or send us an email to help@sexandmyboss.com. We also love hearing back from the people we offer advice to, so if that's you, get back in touch and we'll speak to you on Tuesday.

William 0:34:55 Goodbye.

Jordan 0:34:55 Bye-bye.