Jordan’s Philosophies | And Airport Nightmares

Jordan 0:02:20 Hello and welcome to our Friday episode. This is where we see how much extra content we can squeeze into your week. Random things that have been sent in, extra bits that have been going on, and how our advice went down with you, our GMBN Thieves.

William 0:02:42 Now it's very odd, Jordan, because we're sitting here in a very sort of odd Semi-concealed set.

Jordan 0:02:49 Yes. So next week.

William 0:02:50 Yes, on Tuesday.

Jordan 0:02:52 On Tuesday, we're gonna see our brand new studio. Okay. So everything's covered at the moment. It's like dust sheets on things. Yeah. And all we can see behind us is our new logo, which is quite exciting. We've got a new desk.

William 0:03:03 Well, not the new logo.

Jordan 0:03:05 Yeah, no.

William 0:03:06 It's the same logo.

Jordan 0:03:06 It's the same logo, but on a— don't be facetious.

William 0:03:08 On a light box.

Jordan 0:03:10 On a light box, yeah.

William 0:03:12 Yeah.

Jordan 0:03:12 So this is all like covered up until next week's big unveiling.

William 0:03:16 Yes.

Jordan 0:03:16 Oh yeah, but if you have a look under the table—

William 0:03:19 Oh.

Jordan 0:03:20 Have a look.

William 0:03:20 Is it nice?

Jordan 0:03:21 Have a look. Have a look. Get your laughing gear on, love. Sorry.

William 0:03:26 Wow. I'm not laughing anymore.

Jordan 0:03:28 How are you? What are you doing this weekend?

William 0:03:29 I'm seeing my parents, my brother for dinner.

Jordan 0:03:32 Oh yeah?

William 0:03:32 We're gonna go out, yeah, which is nice. What are you doing?

Jordan 0:03:34 I, um, uh—

William 0:03:37 Probably more, not rehearsal, sorry. More training for Soccer Aid, aren't you?

Jordan 0:03:42 Yeah, I'm doing bits, you know, keeping busy.

William 0:03:45 Nice.

Jordan 0:03:46 I'm not doing Toy Story. I'll suck her head. I'll be doing— Well, no, it's— I'll be gardening.

William 0:03:49 Respectfully, you did Toy Story ages ago. I know it hasn't come out— well, it is sort of out now, but like, you recorded that presumably months ago.

Jordan 0:03:55 Yeah, it was a bit of work. Yeah, I want to be gardening this weekend. I want to get it garden.

William 0:03:58 Okay, how's it all looking? Have you done your wet and forget yet?

Jordan 0:04:01 I haven't because I've jet washed, but I've bought the wet and forget. No!

William 0:04:05 They're 2 separate things!

Jordan 0:04:06 The wet and forget has arrived, but I haven't got a pump for it.

William 0:04:09 I sent you the link.

Jordan 0:04:10 And then I ordered some stones to fill in the because some tarpaulin was showing. Yeah, you know, you put your pebbles on.

William 0:04:17 Tarpaulin? What, have you buried someone under

Jordan 0:04:19 there? Scattered the stones, and it's completely different. Oh. Yeah.

William 0:04:23 Oh, that'll be upsetting your OCD.

Jordan 0:04:24 It's different to the other stones. So every time I look out the window, it winds me up. I'm turning— I'm old. I'm loving— I just want to go out and get on with it.

William 0:04:31 Some stones are different from others, and I think you need to accept difference.

Jordan 0:04:33 You do. You do.

William 0:04:35 Now, after you, Jordan, promised to share your 3 philosophies, we asked our GNDivas what they thought they would be. Before we hear yours, Jordan, let's hear what the GNDivas thought yours would be. Hugh suggested, continuing a theme, jet washing clears the mind as well as the patio.

Jordan 0:04:51 Great.

William 0:04:52 Perhaps the tagline for BJ's Services. Jet washing. Set that up as a limited company with HMRC yet? Not yet.

Jordan 0:04:58 No, he doesn't want to. Keep inviting him around.

William 0:05:01 Okay. Ryan said, you don't choose to have a picky tea, the picky tea chooses you.

Jordan 0:05:07 My God, Ryan, preach, girl, preach. Yes.

William 0:05:11 Anthony said, what the Spanish can't do with a potato isn't worth knowing.

Jordan 0:05:15 Oh, these—

William 0:05:16 That's via Graham.

Jordan 0:05:17 That is via Graham North. What the Spanish can't do with a potato ain't worth knowing.

William 0:05:21 Kyle suggested— this is retro— dressing gown belts are the ties that bind.

Ben 0:05:26 I like that. That's good.

William 0:05:28 Do you? You like a dressing gown belt?

Ben 0:05:30 No, I just like the words.

William 0:05:31 Oh, okay. Corey, clearly aware of how deep and profound Jordan's thoughts are, said, Never trust a fart.

Jordan 0:05:39 So these are all stuff I've said in the past, isn't it?

William 0:05:41 Well, more or less, or things that you could, you could say. You've never— I don't think you've said jet washing clears the mind as well as the past.

Jordan 0:05:46 No, but I've definitely— I have definitely—

William 0:05:47 But I could hear you saying it.

Jordan 0:05:49 I definitely have said you don't choose a picky tea, the picky tea chooses you. I have said that before.

William 0:05:54 Right. Yeah.

Jordan 0:05:55 Um, I've got one of my own. You've got— come prepared. So this is all because of the peanut butter bisexual thing. Do you know how many bisexuals have stopped me in the street? And said—

William 0:06:05 How, literally how many?

Jordan 0:06:06 None.

William 0:06:07 Yeah.

Jordan 0:06:07 But no, loads. They would stop me and say, Jordan, I'm—

William 0:06:10 Hang on, you just said none. None or loads? Loads. That's like going black or white.

Jordan 0:06:13 Honestly, this lad come up to me and said, Jordan, I'm a bisexual and I've always like tried to get my head around it. And you saying one day you—

William 0:06:20 This lad said to me—

Jordan 0:06:23 One day you wake up and I like crunchy peanut butter and the others you like smooth. So yeah, so I thought of another one.

William 0:06:30 Go on.

Jordan 0:06:30 Life's like having a shite. Sometimes it's fine, joyful, and worth the wait. Other— others, it's messy, stinks, and takes time. That's life.

William 0:06:44 Right. Well, thank you so much. We've also asked our G&D-ers for their own philosophies and wise words to live by. Francis doesn't trust a man who wears short-sleeved formal shirts. Completely agree!

Jordan 0:06:54 Francis, I agree! I agree! It's not the '60s, and you're not working in NASA.

William 0:06:59 Yes, exactly. Or operating heavy machinery.

Jordan 0:07:02 I mean, to be fair, in hot countries, short sleeves. My mum used to get me short sleeves to school.

William 0:07:06 No, I still think, just roll your sleeves up.

Jordan 0:07:08 I agree, there's something quite wrong with—

William 0:07:10 Something ethnic.

Jordan 0:07:11 It is. Short sleeve shirts in men and ties.

William 0:07:14 Like a polo shirt, fine.

Jordan 0:07:16 Fine.

William 0:07:16 But a cotton or linen shirt that is short sleeve.

Jordan 0:07:19 Oh, I've got a short sleeve linen for holiday. No. No? Not wear a tie for work.

William 0:07:26 No, no, no.

Jordan 0:07:26 I wear short-sleeved linen.

William 0:07:28 No, well, you're not going bowling, are you?

Jordan 0:07:29 Yeah, but—

William 0:07:30 It's ridiculous. Kenner said, olives are just savoury grapes.

Jordan 0:07:35 You're not meant to wear short sleeve.

William 0:07:36 No.

Jordan 0:07:37 Shit.

William 0:07:37 I think it's a really—

Jordan 0:07:38 Oh no, I have them on.

Ben 0:07:39 I wear, I wear. Yeah. You've got to wear a short sleeve from Zara.

Jordan 0:07:42 Yeah, yeah, exactly.

William 0:07:43 The jury has—

Jordan 0:07:44 Olives are just like savoury—

William 0:07:44 Quadrat demonstrandum.

Jordan 0:07:46 Olives are just like savoury grapes, yes.

William 0:07:48 Lisa says, Life is a dick. When it gets hard, fuck it.

Ben 0:07:52 Do you like that one, William?

William 0:07:55 Yeah. Charles' response to situations when the result is disappointing but could be worse is, better than a shit in the eye. They said it accidentally a few years ago, and now it's an official idiom among their friends.

Jordan 0:08:07 Better than a shit in the eye. It's just like better than a kick in the teeth.

William 0:08:10 Yes, exactly. Don't wee on my strawberries. Yeah.

Jordan 0:08:13 What?

William 0:08:14 Don't wee on my strawberries, like don't rain on my parade.

Jordan 0:08:18 Don't— Wheel my strawberries. What does that mean?

William 0:08:20 Is he got that?

Jordan 0:08:21 Wheel—

William 0:08:21 Don't rain on my parade.

Jordan 0:08:23 Don't what my strawberries?

William 0:08:24 Don't wee on my strawberrys.

Jordan 0:08:26 Wee?

William 0:08:26 Yeah.

Jordan 0:08:27 Oh, wee. I thought you said wheel.

William 0:08:29 No, I don't like the word piss.

Jordan 0:08:31 I know, that's what you just

William 0:08:32 said. Oh, apparently don't piss on my strawberries.

Jordan 0:08:34 No, it's don't piss on my parade.

William 0:08:35 Don't rain on my parade.

Ben 0:08:37 Don't wank on my potatoes.

William 0:08:38 Don't wank on my potatoes?

Jordan 0:08:41 You've made that up, haven't you? Yeah.

Ben 0:08:43 Yeah.

William 0:08:45 Right. Now, we also discussed the idea of banning early morning airport drinking, which caused some debate in the comments. So, we asked what other bits of travelling our G&D-ers would ban. So, do we agree with these? Have we done any of them potentially? There were lots of nominations for people who clap when the plane lands and people who reserve sunbeds at 6 AM. Holly said, if I never get on an airport shuttle bus again, I'll have lived a good life. I agree. I can't say that. I agree. There is one airport in particular— Heathrow, I'm looking at you— you land, you've had a lovely holiday, and you're on a bus.

Jordan 0:09:22 Oh no, I don't mind them. I thought it was the ones where you get to the airport and you have to get on a bus to go to your hotel.

William 0:09:26 Well, that's bad, or go to the hire car place. That happens in America. Shuttle buses generally are horrid, and you're like, sorry, we're in one of the world's sort of busiest airports, You can't

Jordan 0:09:38 just have people wandering

William 0:09:39 across the tarmac. And they've got— It's a safety issue. No, no, I'm not suggesting that. Don't be ridiculous. But I'm— the A terminal—

Jordan 0:09:46 You wander outside, you'll land on your head.

William 0:09:48 The B terminal, and the C terminal are all busy that I'm on a bus, and it's always a bus. What route do I have to fly to get into the terminal?

Jordan 0:09:59 Okay, alright. Bloody hell.

William 0:10:02 Josie wants to get rid of people who post a photo from the plane or checking into the airport on social media. I agree. It's the same people who are flying on in a cabin where you get champagne, and they have to do that, ah, here I am with my champagne flute. Oh, go away.

Jordan 0:10:19 Say it.

William 0:10:20 Go away.

Jordan 0:10:21 I think it's a bit icky, people taking a picture of themselves in business and first class. Yeah, it's just— On planes. Come on. You're doing well.

William 0:10:28 In the same vein, Loose hates people posting on Instagram with the caption, oh yeah, today's office. And it's, you know, the beach or whatever. And it's like today's office. You're not, you're not doing any work. You've just posted that on Instagram. So, you're hardly working. Olivia wants to ban people who don't know how to pack their trays at security.

Jordan 0:10:46 I'm not like, right, seriously, security has been pretty high since 2001, since 9/11. Yeah. The amount of people that get there, haven't got a clue what they're doing. No. Me included, because they change the rules every time. So, you're like, and then they shout at you. It's, let's all sort out security. I'm like, do I take out my valuables? valuables, and you get to spin like, hoi, hoi, take out your valuables! That was a Spanish accent for anybody.

William 0:11:11 It was uncanny.

Jordan 0:11:12 Not worrying. So, it is, and they shout at you and— Yeah. But let's be efficient. We shouldn't be queuing for ages at security.

William 0:11:20 When you're in your airport security queue, what I often do, I take off my watch, put it in my bag, put my mobile phone in my bag, take off my belt, put it in my bag, have my bag open so that I'm ready when I get to the tray Bag in, laptop or iPad out, take off my jacket, pop that in a separate tray, check that I don't have a handkerchief in my pocket, through I go. Easy peasy.

Ben 0:11:41 Do you want me to pull a face?

William 0:11:42 Why are you pulling a face at that?

Ben 0:11:44 I do think it is a bit annoying.

Jordan 0:11:46 Ah, that's what I do. I put my tray down and go, please, please, please, please, please. Do

William 0:11:51 you know what's more annoying? Getting blown up. So, do you know what? We all have to do security.

Jordan 0:11:56 No, I agree. Oh God, I agree. I'm all here for security.

William 0:11:59 You're just gonna make a meal out of it.

Jordan 0:12:01 No, I just think we need to sort out what we're doing. Are we all now taking drinks out? Do you— because some—

William 0:12:07 No, different airports are just—

Jordan 0:12:08 Well, they're clashing up. All have the same rules. What, you don't have to take your laptop out, right?

Ben 0:12:12 They shout at you as well if you start taking your laptop out.

Jordan 0:12:14 Do you need your shoes off? I know, and then I took my shoes off. He's like, you don't need to take your shoes off. I'm like, stick to the fucking rules. One guy, yeah, I couldn't once pin up the little thing, and it was just one little bit. It was packed, to be fair, and it just wouldn't shut right at the end. Anyway, you're going to have to take some out. It had been a brand new— I think it was a shampoo, but it was still annoying.

William 0:12:33 It's time for another edition of William Reads from Urban Dictionary. Now, in the last edition, we learned about dick butter. Frauds just flipped. In the last edition, we learned about duck butter. No one's noticed, which is the combination of sweet Can hardly read. Combination of sweat from the ballsack and anus that creates a buttery film on the gooch and bumhole. Why are you putting your hand out for me?

Jordan 0:13:01 I'm not.

William 0:13:02 Okay, just as I said bumhole. Uh, now we've got no idea which phrase the team has picked for us to discover today, so let's dive in. This week's word is arse-maxing. Before we find out the meaning, what do you think it could mean, Jordan?

Jordan 0:13:18 Getting the most arse-maxing. Shaving your arse. Oh, maybe like doing exercises to get the maximum arse, you know, to make it look peachy.

Jordan 0:16:42 Welcome back, Gene Divas. Before the break, we were trying to figure out what this week's entry from Urban Dictionary was. Arsemaxing. What does that mean?

William 0:16:53 Well, we'll find out. Here's the definition. Arsemaxing is the act of taking advantage of Arsenal fans and their good, good moods.

Jordan 0:17:00 Well, they have just won the league.

William 0:17:01 Have they?

Jordan 0:17:02 Well, yeah, they won the league. Up the Arsenal. Up the arse.

William 0:17:05 For example, if your partner is a gooner, then perhaps you should utilise a bit of arse-maxing to get a favourable response to something they usually wouldn't be happy about doing.

Jordan 0:17:14 So, you'd be like, oh, can we get a new kitchen? Or, should we go on holiday? It's arse-maxing.

William 0:17:18 Right.

Jordan 0:17:19 You know that thing in the bedroom you've always wanted to try, but you've not been against it? It's like, yeah.

William 0:17:22 Is there anything in the bedroom you've always wanted to try, but have been forbidden?

Jordan 0:17:25 Ice cream in bed.

William 0:17:27 Yeah.

Jordan 0:17:28 I'm not allowed to eat ice cream in bed, apparently.

William 0:17:31 No. Eating in bed. Eating in bed. Well, you can have certain things, but generally you shouldn't.

Ben 0:17:36 Would that not keep you up, having ice cream in bed?

William 0:17:39 Well, yeah, sugar.

Jordan 0:17:39 36. I can do what I want. I'm an adult.

William 0:17:42 You're 36?

Jordan 0:17:43 Yeah.

William 0:17:45 Steve has messaged us with some insight around airport pints. Hello, William, Jordan, EPB, and the Sex Ed family. I'm a cabin manager for a UK airline and wanted to weigh in on the airport pint debate.

Jordan 0:17:54 That'll be tongues wagging there, sonnet.

William 0:17:56 Honestly, airport pints usually aren't the issue. Morning drinkers are often asleep before takeoff, while later flights tend to cause more problems because delays keep people in bars longer.

Jordan 0:18:04 I bet!

William 0:18:05 The bigger issue is passengers drinking their own duty-free alcohol on board, as once the aircraft doors are closed, it's much harder for crew to manage intoxicated passengers, which can lead to diversions and unhappy travellers. If airports ever wanted to police pints, the easiest solution would probably be linking drink purchases to boarding passes with a set allowance per passenger.

Jordan 0:18:26 They do that, don't they?

William 0:18:27 Hopefully. And that's not— I don't think it's linked to your— Yeah, but you can't open—

Jordan 0:18:30 You know that if you buy a bottle of whisky, you can't open it on the plane.

William 0:18:33 Hopefully, that puts Jordan's mind at ease for a bit for his next trip away. Also, huge congratulations to William on Titanic and Jordan on Soccer Aid.

Jordan 0:18:41 Oh, thank you.

William 0:18:42 Similar things. I love the podcast and always look forward to my Tuesday and Friday drive so I can listen. Love, Steve.

Jordan 0:18:48 Thanks, Steve.

William 0:18:49 Well, I do think more should be— I mean, look, I don't want to be nanny state, but I think more should be linked to your passport or your boarding pass. I think that's a very sensible suggestion.

Jordan 0:19:00 Well, you do. You can't buy stuff at duty-free without giving your boarding pass.

William 0:19:03 Yeah, but I think— but they're not— there's not a limit. There's not a limit on what you can buy, and I think there should be. So, when they inevitably make me Prime Minister, because there'll be no one left to ask, I think I'm going to bring that in. Ryan has got in touch after producer Ben changed his life. I don't know whether to be flippant with this or not. Darling Ben, Dearest William and Jordan, in a recent—

Jordan 0:19:28 It says— say what it says.

William 0:19:30 Oh, I was just commenting it up. An old pal, Jordan. Emphasis on old. In a recent episode, you were all chatting about washing and soap. Ben said that he takes a little soap, lathers it up on his belly, and then moves the creamy, lathered-up mixture across his body.

Jordan 0:19:46 You got a little bit sick in your mouth. You know, the thought of Ben doing that.

William 0:19:49 Well, I had to go because previously I would have squirted a bit of shower gel in my hand and rubbed it into the various nooks and crannies and and in turn used a quarter of a bottle of the stuff. Since taking Ben's approach, it has changed my life.

Jordan 0:20:02 Get a shower scrunchie!

William 0:20:04 I use less shower gel, and I have a much, much better time showering and washing experience. I enjoy the sensual feeling of lathering myself up and getting stuck in. It's just amazing. I really recommend giving it a go. Anyhow, this got me all thinking. William, you have your special etiquette bit in the show. George, you have your jolly joke. But I think now it's time for Producer Ben's Big Tip, or PB's Big Tip of the Week.

Jordan 0:20:29 Jesus Christ.

William 0:20:31 Tip of the week, tip of the week. Every week, Ben shares with his fans a top tip that will make their life so much better.

Jordan 0:20:38 This guy's buzzing. I'm reading this letter. So many exclamation marks and capital letters. He's got, he's changed my life.

William 0:20:43 Let's make it happen. Go, Producer Ben. We need to and can't wait to get lathered up with your— Oh, I don't feel icky reading that!

Jordan 0:20:50 Go on.

William 0:20:50 With your big tip.

Jordan 0:20:51 Ryan's buzzing here. So what did you say again? You said, so basically, Ben. What did you

Ben 0:20:56 say? My bar of soap. I guess like you use a shower scrunchie.

Jordan 0:21:00 Just use a shower scrunchie.

Ben 0:21:01 But you just use your sort of your natural snail trail to like get a bit of—

Jordan 0:21:07 Oh, that's disgusting. I've seen your snail trail as well.

William 0:21:11 Oh no, you always come in with a snail trail.

Jordan 0:21:13 I got done for pube shaving. Yeah, yeah, I basically said on tour, I was like, Ben, you need to shave your pubes and your snail trail. And you're like, what do you mean? I was like What do you mean? That fucking— it's like a big triangle of pubes on his stomach.

William 0:21:27 Oh, Jordan.

Jordan 0:21:28 Thanks, Jordan. I'm sorry. Now I feel the bad guy. I was trying to be like, as a mate, just to say.

Ben 0:21:33 Well, just that I need to shave my snail trail.

Jordan 0:21:35 You don't need to shave it. You be you, man.

Ben 0:21:37 Well, then I wouldn't be able to lather up like Ryan likes. Okay.

Jordan 0:21:39 Just give us a quick tip now for Ryan. Go on, he's buzzing.

Ben 0:21:42 I don't have any tips. No, you don't. You shouldn't— you don't iron— you don't need to iron your t-shirts.

William 0:21:46 Oh, for God's sake. Oh, for God's sake. Becky's messaging about lollipop people. Hello, William, Jordan, and the Sextant team. I love listening to your podcast on my walk into work. I often wonder what people think when I'm just randomly laughing to myself. I listened to your Friday episode and the discussion about lollipop people. My mum is a lollipop lady for a primary school in Angmering.

Jordan 0:22:05 Angmering?

William 0:22:06 Angmering. She has been a lollipop lady for around 27 to 28 years. She's always been well-loved by children and parents at school, as she's always smiling and remembers the children's names. She used to get so many presents at Christmas. almost always chocolate, perk of the job, and at the end of term from Year 6 leavers going up to secondary school. She still does get presents, but not as many. I've grown up with her being the lollipop lady, and she still wears her big old yellow coat and hat. She's there whatever the weather. I can't say for any other lollipop people, but my mum definitely isn't in witness protection. I also knew 2 other lollipop people for the secondary school in Angmering until they were no longer required. I'm fairly certain they weren't in witness protection either. I think councils have cut down on having lollipop people, which is why you rarely see them. It's definitely a thankless job in this day and age, and several people have nearly run my mum over while she is working. Apparently they don't see her. But she loves her job and she wouldn't give it up, even though she's 60 and has crippling MS. Aww. So shout out to all the lollipop people out there. Lots of love, always. Becky, forever known as the lollipop lady's daughter.

Jordan 0:23:10 To the lollipop people!

William 0:23:11 Woo! Aww.

Jordan 0:23:13 That's lovely.

William 0:23:14 That's excellent. Now, finally, Gemini has written in with a story regarding perfect one-liners. Dear William Jordan and the amazing Sexy Team, I'm a longtime listener and a first-time writer-inner. Not a dilemma, but a short story I'd like to share. Following on from Jordan's local slang, we have a saying up here in Newcastle called a Geordie kiss, which for the uninitiated means a headbutt. Not that I've ever personally offered one yet. Also, bringing it back to the conversation about disposing of your personal items when you die, I used to work as an undertaker, We'd often get called out for your coroner's removals, which basically means every job is a lucky dip. You never quite know what you're walking into. One evening, I was on a call when we got sent into an unexplained death in what I'll politely describe as a colourful part of town. We knock on the door and the police officer lets us in. Immediately, I'm greeted by dark purple wallpaper covered in silhouettes of pole dancers among some very artistic black-and-white framed photographs of both male and female anatomy. Honestly, it looked like Anne Summers had teamed up with the Tate Modern. I gave the officer a stunned look, and he just laughed and said, that's not even the best bit yet. So up we go. Halfway up, I noticed the stair carpet is absolutely covered in pink feathers and glitter, like Elton John had fought a chicken. We went to the bedroom, and the officer tells us the deceased is under the duvet. As I approached the bed, I noticed not one set of feet sticking out from under the covers, but 2. So naturally, I'm confused. We were only told there was one body to collect, not a 2-for-1 splash. So I pull the duvet back, and discover this poor bloke had sadly passed away mid-romance while entertaining his fully-sized, incredibly lifelike silicone sex doll. Oh. After we dealt with the unlucky Romeo, I looked over at his plastic companion and without thinking quietly said, sorry for your loss. To this day, I still think that's the closest I'll ever get to delivering a perfect one-liner.

Jordan 0:25:04 It was— it was— I wish— I wish there was other people there to witness it.

William 0:25:07 Thanks for all the laughs that were alive. Thanks for all the laughs over the years and for helping me get through the workday. Kind regards, Gemini.

Jordan 0:25:14 I think that's class. That's somewhat off a sitcom, innit?

William 0:25:16 It is. That's very Only Fools.

Jordan 0:25:18 Or just a, uh, you can imagine, um, what's her name saying it from, uh, Happy Valley?

William 0:25:24 Sarah Lancashire.

Jordan 0:25:25 Yeah.

William 0:25:26 Yeah.

Jordan 0:25:26 Sorry for your loss. So she said sorry for your loss to the blow-up doll.

William 0:25:29 There is that whole plot in, um, with the Del Boy and Rodney sitcom about sex dolls, isn't there? And blow-up dolls. And you could combine that with funerals, and it could be Only Fools and Horses. Thank you very much. Shall we finish with the comments? Don't be a little bitch if you didn't think of it yourself.

Ben 0:25:50 Don't be bitter, be better. That's another philosophy.

Jordan 0:25:53 That's another one of mine. Don't get bitter, get better.

Ben 0:25:56 Yeah, get that on a t-shirt.

Jordan 0:25:57 Don't expect anyone to roll out the red carpet. You've got to kick the door down yourself. Let's finish with our comment of the week. This can be from Spotify, YouTube, or any of our socials. William Hansard!

William 0:26:06 The honourable mentions. Brian commented on my Titanic announcement on Spotify to say, William has come a long way from watching Titanic on a treadmill. Yeah, I'm yet to admit that to my fellow cast members.

Jordan 0:26:16 Do they know that you've not even watched the film properly?

William 0:26:18 No, I am thinking of doing it this weekend, but Mikey says he gets very emotional. So, and don't forget, my Aunt Mandy thinks that she died on the Titanic. She genuinely cannot listen to Celine Dion music. Really, Titanic is not the show for her. She's literally not going to come to watch me. Lucy commented on Spotify, this whole time I thought Jonathan Vernon Smith was William's brother. Nice. But our comment of the week comes from Ryan.

Jordan 0:26:41 Bad.

William 0:26:41 He's literally around the corner. Do you want to say that? Our comment of the week comes—

Jordan 0:26:47 He's here!

William 0:26:47 Well, he's round, but yeah. Our comment of the week comes from Ryan on Instagram. William's big news followed a day later by Jordan's. 11 a reef, anyone? Yeah, quite.

Jordan 0:26:57 I didn't plan that. You announced Titanic on the Monday, I announced Toy Story 5.

William 0:27:02 Yeah.

Jordan 0:27:02 But I left it a whole week on the podcast.

William 0:27:05 Yes, you did. Yeah. And I'm also, can I just say, and I'm— at the time of recording this, it hasn't gone out yet. I know that I'm going to be absolutely pilloried by the Gene Divas for laughing at your announcement, which, can I just say, Stuart Morgan started, okay? He laughed first. And I don't know why I laughed, because it's such a—

Jordan 0:27:22 Because you're a horrible boy.

William 0:27:23 Oh, shut up. It's such an achievement for you, especially with your talent. So it's— I'm joking! But no, honestly, I'm very proud of you, and I can't wait Pleasure.

Jordan 0:27:35 And I'm proud of you, and I can't wait to come and see you at Titanic.

William 0:27:37 Excuse me, lovebirds!

Ben 0:27:41 Jordan just drew a Pinocchio nose.

Jordan 0:27:43 I actually am looking forward to seeing it.

William 0:27:44 Thank you. It's right up your street.

Jordan 0:27:46 I'm gonna sit there and fold my arms and just go, I'm very aware I'm at a play right now.

William 0:27:50 Musical.

Jordan 0:27:52 I'm very aware I'm at a musical right now. I've not lost or been escaped.

William 0:27:56 Can I— Been escaped?

Jordan 0:27:58 Well, you're meant to escape, aren't you?

William 0:27:59 Can I say that there is currently Quite a good Jordan North joke that I've put in the show.

Jordan 0:28:05 Oh, well, now I'm coming along. Yeah. Is there actually?

William 0:28:07 Unless it gets cut.

Jordan 0:28:09 Yeah,

Ben 0:28:09 probably knowing Jordan.

William 0:28:13 Oh my God, if I do a Jordan North joke, that'll be the last ever performance of Titanic.

Ben 0:28:17 I wouldn't risk it.

Jordan 0:28:18 That's true. Yeah, I don't know if people won't know who I am to have gone to watch Titanic.

William 0:28:22 Oh, well, we'll see how it lands in, uh, in the first couple of shows.

Jordan 0:28:28 Okay, it'd be hilarious if it gets cut though. So do you do it? And then we're so much to talk about, and everyone can laugh at good old Jordan again. Remember, you can listen to new episodes every Tuesday and Friday, and 24 hours before everywhere else— uh, before anyone else, sorry— on Global Player. If you want to get in touch about something that isn't a dilemma or problem, drop into our DMs, send us an email, help@sexandmyboss.com. Oh, we love hearing back from the people we offer advice to, so if that's you, get back in touch, and we'll see you on Tuesday in

William 0:28:57 our new

Jordan 0:28:57 set. Yeah, new studio. Goodbye.