First Jobs

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:01:05 Hello, and welcome to The Luxury Podcast. My name's Jonathan Vernon-Smith, and with me is William Handsome. This is the podcast that helps you live a more luxury life.

William Hanson 0:01:24 Hello, Jonathan and I are here to help you create the everyday moments of luxury that make life worth living, whatever your budget.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:01:30 In each episode of The Luxury Podcast, William and I tackle an area of life that we think you should upgrade, sorting the Ons Lows from the Hyacinths, advising the nation in gracious living. So, William, what are we going to talk about today?

William Hanson 0:01:43 We are going to talk about first jobs. You always remember your first Do you?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:01:50 I certainly do.

William Hanson 0:01:51 Now, was it as a radio presenter?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:01:52 No, no. Depends what we're talking about. Does self-employed jobs count?

William Hanson 0:01:59 Oh, as in what, where you employed yourself? Did you pay tax?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:05 Well, no, it's all cash in hand. But I should just point out—

William Hanson 0:02:13 No, we're not talking about that job.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:15 If HMRC are listening, I think I would have been about 9 I think you're probably tax-free at 9. Do you have to pay tax at 9?

William Hanson 0:02:23 Especially in the— in the— was taxation rules the same in the '50s?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:27 How rude. How rude. Uh, my first job would have been as a premier rabbit breeder. Whoa. What? I was. I was a premier rabbit breeder. Hertfordshire's premier rabbit breeder.

William Hanson 0:02:46 And you were how old?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:46 I would have been about 9.

William Hanson 0:02:48 Right. Yeah. So why were you the premier? Because no one else was doing it?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:51 Well, I like to think that my rabbits were just a cut above the others. Yes, I used to breed Netherland dwarfs.

William Hanson 0:03:00 Yeah. To be fair, I once stumbled on a website. It's very similar.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:13 No.

William Hanson 0:03:13 Sounds like something you'd find on the dark web.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:15 That is, that is a genuine breed of rabbit.

William Hanson 0:03:19 Yes, you had them.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:20 I did.

William Hanson 0:03:21 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:21 Hinge and Bracket, Mervyn and Brenda. Um, who else? Oh, Henry. And then Porky the guinea pig. Poor Porky.

William Hanson 0:03:32 We haven't talked about Porky.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:33 Poor Porky.

William Hanson 0:03:34 Has— well, I think Porky was BS before Sadie. Do you want to just recap? For Saida's benefit, on Porky?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:42 Well, I had— so I had all female rabbits apart from Henry, who was a dwarf lop-eared rabbit. He lived on his own, and he was a free-running rabbit, so he could come into the house and have free run in the garden. Unfortunately, a fox ate him in the end, which is terrible. It's not funny.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:59 Why are you laughing at my Henry being mauled? But I had a male buck rabbit who was used for mating. Yes, he was, he was, um, he was, he was very into sex. He was always into sex. And he was quite lonely, but I used to use him for, for mating with the, with the does, you see, which is the name for a female rabbit.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:26 I know this because I'm a former breeder. And, um, he was lonely. So back in the day, and I, I gather the advice has now changed, but if you had a male rabbit that was lonely, you got it a guinea pig, you see, a little playmate. So I got him Porky, who was a guinea pig, um, and unfortunately Mervyn took quite a liking to Porky, and, uh, Mervyn sexed him to death.

Speaker F 0:04:53 Porked him.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:02 Poor Porky. Yeah, we just, we found Porky in— I'll be honest with you, it was an inappropriate position, and he'd, he'd met his maker because of Mervyn. He was a fiend, was old Mervyn. Yeah, but that's what happened to Porky. Uh, but yeah, I used to breed rabbits from the age of 9.

William Hanson 0:05:23 And, and what was, what was the going rate back then for a A rabbit. I think.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:28 I can't really remember, but my brother and I branched out because my brother then used to sell the hutches and the runs. He would make them.

William Hanson 0:05:35 Gosh, it was a little family enterprise.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:36 We'd sell a package, a package, you see, to, you know, we'd get family would come around, they'd say, oh, we're thinking getting some rabbits for our children. Can I just say rabbits are the most stupid pet to get children? They really are. They live in the garden, um, the children lose interest in them Very, very quickly because they don't do very much. And then during the winter months, the children have absolutely no interest in going out and clearing out the hutch. The hutch stinks and you get these poor neglected rabbits. So it's not really a very good pet for children in my view.

William Hanson 0:06:09 Did you clean your hutch in the winter?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:10 We did, yes. We always cleaned our hutch. And so my brother would do the run and the hutch. I would breed the rabbits and then we'd sell them as a package to a Harpenden family. Who would pay for a package deal.

William Hanson 0:06:24 But how much would they pay?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:25 I think we used to charge about £25.

William Hanson 0:06:27 Is that just for the rabbit?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:29 No, for the whole lot.

William Hanson 0:06:29 That's really good value.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:31 Yeah, but it was back in the '80s.

William Hanson 0:06:32 So, what's that, like £100 today?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:35 Probably. Probably. I'm not joking. Yeah, yeah. But we made quite good money in the summer months.

William Hanson 0:06:42 Gosh.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:43 Yeah, cottage industry.

William Hanson 0:06:44 Yes. Well, well done. Well done, you. That was probably my first job.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:48 Then after that, I broached the world of JVS Lawn Mowing Services for a Better Class of Garden. And I used to— my father gave me his Qualcast Suffolk Punch, and he would fill it up with petrol for me, and I'd go up the road banging on people's doors and saying, hello, would you like me to cut your grass for £5? And they're quite big gardens.

William Hanson 0:07:12 I was going to say, did you sort of— if they were a larger garden, it £10 or—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:17 No, so I used to charge £5. All of the gardens were the same size because they were all up the same road.

William Hanson 0:07:21 Oh, okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:22 So I charged £5, and, um, I got quite a few neighbours that used to use me quite often.

William Hanson 0:07:26 Gosh.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:27 So I had the money flooding in, and then— why are you laughing? So I did that, and in fact, I'll have you know, and you can stick this up your pipe, I, I bought my first car with the money that I made from that.

William Hanson 0:07:40 Yes, I think you've said this before.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:41 I bought my Mini. With the money that I made from my rabbit breeding and my lawn mowing services.

William Hanson 0:07:47 But you were underage, so you couldn't drive it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:49 I bought it at 16, so I couldn't drive it. Well, I did drive it up and down the drive, up and down the drive, and I spent much of my time polishing it, and it sat in the garage for a year while I— You're 16. Yeah. And if you'd been friends with me at school— it's such a shame we didn't go to school together, we would have had such a hoot— but I would have said to you, William, do you want to come around and see my Mini? Rodrigo.

William Hanson 0:08:16 I did have a friend who said that. He still writes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:22 I would have taken you in the garage, showed you my Mini.

William Hanson 0:08:28 And then we'd have polished it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:34 Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how it would have rolled.

William Hanson 0:08:38 Lovely. My first job involved— so, Well, technically, my first job sort of is what I'm still doing now, um, stealing a living. But I guess when I first got paid to do a job, so if we're counting it by money, it would be when I was the receptionist at my school.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:56 Oh, were you?

William Hanson 0:08:58 And I was still at school. It's a weird turn of events. So, I was teaching etiquette at Clifton, um, but I wasn't being paid for it. And, um, And then Jan, the lovely receptionist, got hit by a car. She did.

Speaker G 0:09:20 Were you driving the car?

William Hanson 0:09:23 No, I wasn't driving.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:24 Mowed her down.

William Hanson 0:09:25 Jan survived. Okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:27 Oh, get your job, Jan! Poor Jan.

William Hanson 0:09:35 Yeah, we should say Jan is fine.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:37 She's okay.

William Hanson 0:09:38 Well, actually, I haven't been in touch with her for years. She may not be with us anymore, I don't know. But at the time, she was fine. So we can laugh at the car accident because she only lost one limb.

Speaker B 0:09:47 Ended up in a neck brace!

William Hanson 0:09:51 No, I think she had a bit of whiplash, but that was it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:57 Yeah, but she was off.

William Hanson 0:09:58 The key is she was off work. And for whatever reason—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:01 That opened up an opportunity for you.

William Hanson 0:10:03 Well, no, they just came up to me and went, do you want to do it? And I was in sixth form, so we didn't have a lot to do.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:09 They knew what you were like.

William Hanson 0:10:11 Yes, with a lovely telephone manner.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:13 Of course.

William Hanson 0:10:13 And, um, I loved it. And generally, to this day, I mean, I've always said, if etiquette fails me, when etiquette fails me, I will either be a PA, a receptionist, something, an EA, executive assistant job, isn't it? Um, I think it's great. So, I would— I was very happy doing that. Yeah, I would go around the back and handle the mail, pop that all— pop that in the right slot. What was his name? Headmaster, I think. No, but no, it was lovely. And I'd answer the telephone. I'd have to connect. You would phone up, and I'd go, good morning, Clifton College.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:52 Oh, how smart.

William Hanson 0:10:53 And, uh, they go, hello, can I speak to, uh, the headmaster, please? I'd be, May I ask who's calling? Okay, well, Stephen Smith. One moment, Mr. Smith. Put on hold, phone the headmaster's office. Stephen Smith for the headmaster. And then I'd either get told, take a message, or put them through. I absolutely loved it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:11 I did a similar job. You know when I worked at the Ramada Jarvis as a chambermaid?

William Hanson 0:11:17 Yes, for 2 weeks.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:18 And I didn't enjoy the chambermaiding very much. I got fed up of that. And they did give me another opportunity, and they put me on the reception desk to answer the phone. Because the receptionist wasn't there. But nobody showed me how the phone system worked, and I got in a terrible pickle. I was putting people through to different rooms and everything.

William Hanson 0:11:38 But Hilton did a roaring trade.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:39 I literally had no idea what I was doing. Suddenly just left me to be the face of the Ramada Jarvis.

William Hanson 0:11:46 Where is the Ramada Jarvis? Is it still going?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:49 Red Bull.

William Hanson 0:11:50 Red Bull. Is it still there?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:51 It is, yeah.

William Hanson 0:11:52 Is it still a Ramada Jarvis? Or is it just a Ramada?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:54 I think Ramada Jarvis went out of business. Ramada, I was saying. I think it's now just a Ramada.

William Hanson 0:12:00 Right.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:00 Yeah, it's a different company.

William Hanson 0:12:01 Okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:01 And I'm sure it has, it has improved immensely in hygiene standards and receptionists ever since then.

William Hanson 0:12:10 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:10 But yeah, I was, I was stuck on the desk there for a whole afternoon until they realised that I was putting people through to cleaning department, and the chef was answering the phone and everything. It was absolute chaos.

William Hanson 0:12:22 I love it. That's so funny. Do you remember, did you have to write a CV? Not presumably to be Hertfordshire's premier rabbit breeder, but when you actually went into the workplace, did you write a CV? Résumé for American listeners.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:35 Well, I did have a CV, yeah.

William Hanson 0:12:38 Did you have your photo on it? Because I remember having my photo on my CV. You're not allowed that now.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:42 Are you not?

William Hanson 0:12:43 No.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:44 Why not?

William Hanson 0:12:45 Discrimination law.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:46 Why? Why would anyone discriminate just because I've got a red face? Is that what you're saying?

William Hanson 0:12:52 No, but you're not allowed age and photo. You're not meant— you submit blind.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:56 Right. But you've spent a lot of money on that face. Why would you not want prospective employers to see it?

William Hanson 0:13:01 I don't— well, yeah, I don't really use CVs now.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:06 I—

William Hanson 0:13:06 but back in the day, I remember I did put one of my early publicity shots on.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:09 Many years ago, when I'd finished university and I kind of needed a proper job, and I wrote to every single radio station in the country, And I sent them all letters and CVs and a photo and all this kind of stuff and a demo tape.

William Hanson 0:13:26 I was going to say, was there a demo tape?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:27 Demo tape to all of them. And, uh, day after day, I mean, it was character building. The number of rejections I had, I mean, our letterbox was constantly opening with rejection letters. They'd land on the mat with a big thud.

William Hanson 0:13:41 Well, at least, can I just say, because so many people write to prospective agents, employers now, So you don't get anything back. So at least you got your rejection letters.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:49 Oh yeah.

William Hanson 0:13:49 At least they wrote to you to say, go away.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:52 Oh yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:53 What I used to do is I used to try and phone up so I could find out who was the person to send my CV to and my letter. And I would phone up and have a little kind of moment where I'd try and charm them so I could get the name of the person, so at least it would land on the right desk. And I remember once I phoned this particular radio station, this lady answered the phone, And I said, oh, hello, I'm looking to speak to the programme manager. I'm interested in being a radio presenter, and I'd love to offer my services to your station. And she said, no, no, we're not interested.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:31 I said, well, can I just ask, who is the programme manager? She said, I am, and I think you've got a horrible voice, so we will not be employing you. And she slammed the phone down on me. Wow. Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:44 And young people now think they've got it tough.

William Hanson 0:14:47 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:47 Character building.

William Hanson 0:14:48 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:49 Yes. I thought, I'll show her. So, if she's listening to this, fuck yourself.

William Hanson 0:14:54 What radio station was that?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:00 I can't remember now. It was one in— I think it was one in London, actually. There used to be loads of radio stations.

William Hanson 0:15:07 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:08 Loads and loads.

William Hanson 0:15:09 Gosh.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:10 I remember it was on medium wave, whatever it was.

William Hanson 0:15:12 Okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:13 I can't remember. Anyway, she was very rude to me.

William Hanson 0:15:16 Yes, that's so—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:17 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:15:17 So awful to say that.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:19 Yeah. Have you ever had a rejection?

William Hanson 0:15:21 Oh, many.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:23 Have you?

William Hanson 0:15:24 Yes. Oh. I can't really remember what I've been rejected from, but lots of things.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:30 Really?

William Hanson 0:15:31 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:31 What jobs you've gone for?

William Hanson 0:15:34 Well, this is the— one of the beauties of being an etiquette coach.

William Hanson 0:15:38 I mean, there are lots of other etiquette coaches, But there aren't many of us, so when there are jobs that come up that we are, you know, we generally get— Oh, I do, and I know— I hope she won't mind me telling this story, but my lovely, very good friend and colleague Jo at The English Manor years ago worked for De Bretz, who back then were a publisher and toyed briefly with etiquette training. They don't really do it anymore, And English Manner is— we don't write books at English Manner, but we do etiquette training. And probably that same CV with my first early publicity photo, I sent to De Bretts saying, I would like a job. I am 17, 18. I teach etiquette.

William Hanson 0:16:24 I think you should employ me because you are known for etiquette at that time. And I wasn't working for the English Manner at the time. And, uh, Jo decided to tell— I didn't know this story, but Jo decided to go around at my wedding and tell, uh, this story. Jo and her colleague, uh, opened the letter, read it, and ripped it up and put it in the bin.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:16:44 Really? Wow. Gosh.

William Hanson 0:16:47 I no employ her, so I have the last laugh.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:16:50 Yeah. Have you ever been sacked?

William Hanson 0:16:53 Uh, yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:16:55 Have you? Yes, once. I've been sacked twice. And I was reinstated after my sacking.

William Hanson 0:17:02 Not where you work now, do you?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:17:04 Yeah, I was actually. Yeah, I was briefly sacked.

William Hanson 0:17:07 Was that after, um, Mmmgate?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:17:09 What do you mean Mmmgate? With Ernie. Oh yeah, well, I guess I was kind of sacked then. No, but that wasn't really sacked, that was just had the programme axed.

William Hanson 0:17:20 Right.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:17:20 Yeah, that's a bit different to being sacked, isn't it? Um, no, I No, I— so I sat by my father because I worked— my father got a— when I was at university, my father got me a job working for his company. He was a partner, and he knew I needed some money, and so he said, uh, well, you can come and work doing— we need data entry at our company in the West End office.

William Hanson 0:17:44 Oh.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:17:45 So they had a City office and a West End office.

William Hanson 0:17:47 So much more West End.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:17:48 I went to the West End office. Of course I did. Regent Street, lovely building, Lovely. And, uh, I was in this office, and, uh, there was the finance director who was absolutely horrible. He was a horrible, horrible bully, and he was so rude to everyone. And I would be doing my data entry, and he would come out of his office, and he would kind of shout at people, and bellow at people. And because I was the son of a partner, I obviously felt a little bit emboldened. And I, I suddenly thought, do you know what, I'm not having this. And he came out and he gave this secretary an absolute dressing down.

William Hanson 0:18:33 Hmm.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:18:34 So I told him, get, get ready, Ollie, with the beat machine. I said, why don't you go and fuck yourself? Um, and I get— I tore strips off him in the office. I said, how dare you speak to her? Who do you think you are?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:18:51 Gave him a real— anyway, after he then went back into his office, slammed the door, and I sat and everyone kind of gave me a little, well done, thank you so much for saying that, he's such a horrible man. And I got home feeling terribly proud of myself. I thought, you know what, I've done something good today. I've stood up. I've— this is justice has been served.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:10 And the phone rang. It was the landline back in the day, and it was my father. And he said, uh, is it right what I hear, that you've had a little bit of a, uh, a spat in the office with this man? I won't name him. And I said, yes, I did, Dad.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:25 I said, I had to tell him off because he's such a rude man. He's such a bully. He shouts at people. He's unpleasant. So I did.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:33 I told him to go and fuck himself. And my father said, yeah, we've got a bit of a problem. Um, one of you is going to have to go, and I'm going to tell you now, it won't be the finance director. I said, are you sacking me? He said, I'm afraid I'm going to have to.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:51 My father sacked me. He said— he said—

William Hanson 0:19:54 Did he reluctantly sack you?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:56 Well, I— he agreed that this man was very rude, but he said, we— you've got to go. You can't say that to the finance director of the company in front of all of the staff. You can't. So I'm afraid you're gonna have to go. So he sacked me with immediate effect. Yeah.

William Hanson 0:20:12 How did that make you feel?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:20:13 Um, well, I remember feeling a bit aggrieved, but actually, I, I don't regret what I did.

William Hanson 0:20:18 Mm-hmm.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:20:19 You know, and he's dead now. Not my father. He's still clinging on. But that horrible bully, dead now. Yes. So, you know, what goes around comes around, doesn't it?

William Hanson 0:20:28 Mm-hmm.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:20:28 You know?

William Hanson 0:20:29 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:20:29 So I got sacked there, and then I also got sacked, uh, from the radio station. When I was at university, I had glandular fever. And, um, I was booked to do, uh, the controls on a road show. Look at you laughing. And I felt really ill, felt terrible, uh, but I thought, I can't let everyone down because they were relying on me to do the controls. And I thought—

William Hanson 0:20:53 Gotta get that show on the road.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:20:54 I thought, it's outside, I'm not going to give it to anyone else. I was in this kind of caravan thing doing the controls, but I turned up And I think it would be safe to say I wasn't my usual self. I wasn't my usual effervescent self, you know, full of smiles and laughter. Not pep. Yeah. And one of the people there went and told the boss that I'd had a face on me like a smacked backside all day, that I was rude, that I was surly, and it was a terrible look. So, I got sacked.

William Hanson 0:21:27 What?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:28 They sacked me.

William Hanson 0:21:29 They didn't even come and get your side of the story?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:30 No, they sacked me. Thankfully, my good friend Ernie, who, you know, I loved Ernie very much. He's no longer with us. But Ernie got me my job back.

William Hanson 0:21:40 Good for Ernie.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:41 Because he was so furious that I'd been sacked because he knew I was ill. He went down to the boss and he said, you need to hear the real story. Are you aware that he actually was very unwell and he came to work because he didn't want to let people down? So they reinstated me.

William Hanson 0:21:55 Good.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:55 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:21:56 Justice was served.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:57 Justice was served again.

William Hanson 0:21:58 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:59 When were you sacked?

William Hanson 0:22:00 I was sacked by a nameless Middle Eastern royal family.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:05 Okay. That's your everyday story.

William Hanson 0:22:09 Yeah, and I was looking after a child, the, you know, the son of someone quite high up in this royal family.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:17 And, uh, what were you doing with the child?

William Hanson 0:22:19 I was teaching him manners and etiquette.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:21 Nanny McPhee over there.

William Hanson 0:22:23 I was basically a glorified nanny. for a few weeks whilst they were over in London in the summer. We were staying at a very nice hotel, um, Claridge's. I'll say it. And, um, yeah, the, uh, the child and I bonded. It was the nursery maid, and, you know, because all that child wanted was affection and attention, as most children want, and it was not being given to him by other people in his life. And he called me Euston for most of the time. I don't know why. Just called me Houston.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:52 You answered to it.

William Hanson 0:22:54 I did. And all sorts of things went on. I mean, a form of child abuse, I would personally say, but obviously in a gilded cage. And yeah, after 2 weeks, they were clearly— there was about a few days leading up to my sacking where they were trying to find a reason to sack me. First day, I got told, can you bring me all your receipts for the petty cash because I got £50 petty cash allocation every day, and I had been putting receipts in each envelope, you know, Monday—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:23:24 You are scrupulous.

William Hanson 0:23:26 Yeah, I was scrupulous. And they were clearly saying, is William sort of buying shirts for himself or other stuff? That's what they were doing, and I was not, so they couldn't fire me over that. And then about 2 days later, the nursery maid got called in privately to go and see the mother and was asked if I hit the child.

William Hanson 0:23:44 Which the answer to that is no. So they couldn't get me over that. And then after that, I just remember taking the child to Hyde Park. He was having a riding lesson around Hyde Park, and the child wanted— was so attached to me, he said no. And a riding lesson was normally my hour off.

William Hanson 0:24:01 I could go and sit in a cafe and just sort of decompress. He said, no, follow the horse. So I walked behind this pooing pony all around Hyde Park thinking, this is too much.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:24:12 One day I'll be on the wheel, you thought to yourself.

William Hanson 0:24:16 And then we went, and I think we sat and had a picnic or something after that in Hyde Park. And then I got a phone call from the mother saying, bring him to Harrods, and then you can have an hour off then. So, I dropped him off at Harrods, went back to the hotel. I got into my room at Claridge's, and my phone went, and it was a different PA to the one I had been dealing with. and said, thank you very much, the family no longer require your services. You have an hour to get out of the hotel.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:24:42 Oh my word.

William Hanson 0:24:43 And so I went back to Manchester where I lived, ironically via Euston.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:24:47 Did you cry?

William Hanson 0:24:48 Uh, I didn't cry. I— but I can remember the train was so packed, and I had to sit on the floor outside the loo on the train. I remember thinking, I've just spent 2 weeks in Claridge's, and now I'm here. And then I can remember it was quite sad because the boy clearly had probably not been told that I'd been sacked, or had probably been told that I had just abandoned him, because he then phoned me that evening. I remember sitting here—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:25:15 How old was this child?

William Hanson 0:25:16 7.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:25:17 Oh.

William Hanson 0:25:17 He phoned me and went, where are you? And then the next thing I heard, I heard sort of—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:25:24 They snatched the phone off him.

William Hanson 0:25:25 Arabic in the background, which is his mother's voice, and the phone went dead.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:25:28 And that's the last you ever heard from him?

William Hanson 0:25:29 Well, I am sort of in touch with one of the other PAs, and I know how he's doing, so I'm sort of vague. I haven't him since, but I hear—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:25:35 Maybe one day when he's an adult, he'll turn up and he'll, you know, start a friendship with you again.

William Hanson 0:25:41 You never know.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:25:42 My father, he met with his nanny a couple of years ago.

William Hanson 0:25:48 Oh, really? She was still alive. Oh.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:25:50 He used to, uh, he— well, he used to dress as Noddy, and he would squeeze her breasts and go, pop, pop.

William Hanson 0:25:56 Was he 15?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:04 But he didn't do that when he met her. But I did ask him if he had, just for old time's sake. Yeah, she was about 95.

William Hanson 0:26:15 Wow.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:15 Yeah, his nanny.

William Hanson 0:26:17 Okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:18 So, there you go.

William Hanson 0:26:19 That's nice to know.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:20 Oh, I better get that.

William Hanson 0:26:25 Shall I answer it?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:27 You get it. You're already my father's nanny.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:28:22 Welcome back, Bucketheads. We've been discussing first jobs, and it's now time for your questions. So let's check out our heaving bags of post. Do remember, if there's something on your mind that needs a luxury touch, postman@luxurypodcast.co.uk is the place to go. is the place for your queries and your questions.

William Hanson 0:28:40 This first one is from Kieran. Dear Jonathan and William, my first foray into the world of employment was at Woolworths in Fareham— or Fareham? Fareham? Hampshire. Fareham, I think.

William Hanson 0:28:49 Fareham. In September 2002, I was a fresh-faced 16-year-old thrilled to have secured gainful employment and eager to begin what I imagined would be a glittering retail career. My duties took me across several departments, including Home and DIY, Entertainment, and of course, the tills. However, among my various responsibilities was one task that would certainly not to qualify as luxurious by any reasonable measure: the supervision of the infamous pick-and-mix counter. As I'm sure many listeners will recall, the pick-and-mix counter often suffered at the hands of customers whose commitment to hygiene was, shall we say, somewhat flexible.

William Hanson 0:29:23 Yet one regular visitor remains particularly vivid in my memory. Most Saturday and Sunday mornings, an elderly lady, probably in her 80s, would arrive and quietly help herself to the chocolate creams and softer sweets. She would leave the wrappers behind while consuming the contents as she wandered around the store.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:29:38 No wonder they went bust.

William Hanson 0:29:40 Looking back, it seems likely that she may have been suffering from Alzheimer's or another form of dementia. Awareness and understanding of these conditions were certainly far less prominent in the public consciousness 20-odd years ago than it is today. At the time, we simply regarded her as one of Woolworths' many eccentric regulars. Which brings me to my question to you both: do either of you have any fond memories of Woolworths in the UK? Well, thank God you've asked. I've got so many stories. It remains one of these wonderfully nostalgic institutions that seems to occupy a special place in the national memory. Yours most faithfully, Kiran Yuri Drutiett.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:30:18 Drutiett.

William Hanson 0:30:19 Drutiett. Lovely. Incorrect use of yours faithfully, but never mind, we will allow. I mean, I can remember going to Woolworths. There was a Woolworths in Clevedon, I think it was.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:30:29 My father's first job was in Woolworths.

William Hanson 0:30:32 Was it?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:30:32 And it was, I mean, obviously it was, he was when, I think he was 16 at the time.

William Hanson 0:30:36 We should just maybe, for those that are new or young, or not British, just give a little thing as to what Woolworths was.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:30:44 Yeah, Woolworths was a kind of peculiar store.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:30:46 I mean, I guess for British listeners, it was like an old-fashioned B&M or The Range. Yeah, it was a kind of department— it was probably a little bit higher end than that to start with. Yeah, um, but they used to sell, uh, things for the home, you know, a bit of DIY, a bit of cleaning products, um, and then they had sweets and bizarre things like that. CDs. CDs, music.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:31:14 Yeah, exactly. All kinds of things like that. And it— but it was a Brit— an old-fashioned British department store, Woolworths. Um, and my father got a job in there, and my grandmother, who is a terrible snob— I mean, can you imagine that in my family?

William Hanson 0:31:28 No, thank God that didn't pass down.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:31:30 And when he came home, she'd sent him off to go and get a job, and he came back and he said, oh, I've got a job. And she said, what are you doing? And he said, I'm going to be a Saturday boy in Woolworths. And my grandmother said, you can't do that. People know me in this town. They lived in St. Albans. They know me here. And my father said, well, I've got the job now. I'm starting on Saturday. And it was back in the day, it must have been back in the— what would it have been? '60s? Apparently all of the staff used to wear long brown overcoats.

William Hanson 0:32:00 Oh, smart.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:32:01 Yeah. So there he was. And one Saturday morning, he was there working. He was sweeping the floor in Woolworths, and my grandmother came in because she needed to buy something. So my dad went over to her and said, hello, Mother, and she completely ignored him. She pretended she didn't know who he was. So that's my only Woolworths story.

William Hanson 0:32:57 Talking actually, that may be my first job. I didn't get paid for it, but I do now remember age 7 or 8 working in my uncle's music record store that he had. He had several. It was called Music Stop in Bristol. They're all gone now. Um, and yeah, he ran a record store for about 5 or 6 years, and I would go and sort of— it did very well. I'd go and organise the CD— it wasn't even CDs. I don't even know what it was back then. Tapes. I quite like that.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:33:24 Yeah. Well, I remember we— there used to be— do you remember Our Price? No?

William Hanson 0:33:31 No. Is that Fisher-Price?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:33:33 Our Price and HMV, they were the two.

William Hanson 0:33:35 Okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:33:36 Yeah, they kind of competed against each other, and every town had an Our Price and an HMV.

William Hanson 0:33:41 Oh.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:33:42 They've all gone now, haven't they? Yeah. I think— HMV's still clinging on. Yeah, still, still there, just about. Oh, Jake's been in touch. Ey up, old grafter and William. Oh, how rude. Have either of you been forced or coerced to work in the family business. I refer the gentleman to the comments I made a few moments ago. My family ran several butchers in Doncaster. Very classy. It's the northern equivalent to Frigg.

William Hanson 0:34:11 Oh good.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:34:12 Apparently. Every Christmas I had to vacate my luxury university grounds to slog it back up north and help out at the butchers. Each Christmas my friends would rave, and even my girlfriend, now wife, about pigs in blankets, but when you make and sell 1,000 of the little buggers a day, it kind of puts you off them. Yes, it does. Yeah. Well, I've already mentioned that I worked for my father and got sacked. I think that's the only family business I've worked for.

William Hanson 0:34:42 Well, yeah, I mean, again, helping out in my uncle's record store, but, you know, my father's, you know, he's a chartered surveyor, slash, was an estate agent originally. haven't done that. My mother worked but stopped working when she had me. She used to work for House of Fraser Group that had Harrods. One of her first jobs was polishing the coat hangers in Harrods.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:35:04 Oh, how smart!

William Hanson 0:35:06 Now, that is a sign of luxury department store, when you have someone dedicated to polishing the coat hangers. I bet you nobody does that now.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:35:12 I bet they don't.

William Hanson 0:35:13 No. So, no, I haven't really, and I don't know if I would want to work in— well, I'd want to work in retail for maybe like a day, And I don't think I'd want to work in property.

Speaker A 0:35:23 Could you work with any of your family now?

William Hanson 0:35:26 No. I mean, I did used to run— as it's been discussed on other podcasts— I did used to run my own family business called Hanson Incorporated, and I was the Supreme Commander, and we would have committee meetings with my brother and my father. My mother refused to attend them. She said, I'm not being involved in this. But my father went along with it, so I guess I ran that. But we didn't have any commercial.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:35:49 Yeah, but you were just an oddball child at that stage, weren't you? I mean, you weren't actually involved in the family business. No, you weren't slaughtering chickens for your father.

William Hanson 0:35:58 No, not when I was here, to be fair.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:36:00 No, that's very true.

William Hanson 0:36:03 This one is from Robin. Dearest William and JBS, longtime listener and periodic contributor here. I thought the following story would cause some hilarity. I am a registered nurse of nearly 20 years now, but on my first ever placement, I had an incident somewhat Similar to JVS's Sally and Mildred story. I was working on a busy elderly care ward and was doing blood pressure checks on the patients in the bay. In the corner was a lady whom was lying flat, neck extended and mouth wide open, looking generally very grey.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:36:31 Oh, dead.

William Hanson 0:36:33 We had not long been taught basic life support at university, and concerned she may have passed, I placed my ear close to her face and looked down to see if I could hear her breathing and see her chest rise and fall. Before I could even register any chest movement, the lady screamed very loudly, Young man, what the hell are you doing? Get away from me, you nasty little man! It transpired she was very deeply asleep, and I had given her the fright of her life. I was very much in the closet in those days, but I shrieked like Hyacinth when she was shoved in the bathroom with Richard's skis and proceeded to fall over between her bed and the neighbouring one.

William Hanson 0:37:15 The nurses and doctors found the whole thing most amusing. I guess it was a good way to meet a lot of people in a hurry. No question as such, other than, is there an executive way to style out an overtly homosexual jump scare?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:37:27 Thank you as always, Robin Harris.

William Hanson 0:37:29 Love it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:37:31 Oh, very, very funny. Well, hasn't that been marvellous today?

William Hanson 0:37:35 That has been marvellous. It's a nice episode. And thank God our jobs are what we do now.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:37:40 Quite.

William Hanson 0:37:40 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:37:41 Gosh. Well, I think we'll leave it there. We will of course be back tomorrow for one of our bonus episodes, and if you can't make that, we'll see you next Wednesday for one of our main episodes. Do we know what we're discussing next week?

Speaker F 0:37:52 Do we want to do potatoes?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:37:57 Well, we might be discussing potatoes, apparently.

William Hanson 0:38:02 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:38:02 For now though, goodbye!