The Etiquette Police Come For William Hanson | And Sexytime AC

Jordan 0:01:37 Hello and welcome to our Friday episode. This is where we see how much extra content we can squeeze in, random bits that have been sent in, extra bits that have been going on, and how our advice went down with you, our wonderful G and Divas.

William 0:01:58 How are you, love?

Jordan 0:01:58 I'm very good, love. How are you?

William 0:02:01 Yes, I'm fine, thank you. Obviously, I'm just working again this weekend. What are you doing?

Jordan 0:02:05 Oh, poor you.

William 0:02:06 No, I didn't say it with any, with any opprobrium.

Jordan 0:02:09 I'm joking. Sorry, that was a bit harsh.

William 0:02:11 It was.

Jordan 0:02:12 Sorry.

William 0:02:13 You bitch.

Jordan 0:02:14 Uh, I'm— well, at the time recording, I'll be on holiday. I'm looking forward to it. Yes. I'm going to Ceryth.

William 0:02:18 Lying on your back with the leftovers. It's the book you're reading, right? Oh yeah, I might—

Jordan 0:02:23 I've probably— I've nearly finished it.

William 0:02:24 What other books are you taking? Because you only told us one.

Jordan 0:02:28 I can't remember. I'm really bad with the titles, but I've got a few. Oh, one called Slags. It's actually called Slags.

William 0:02:35 You've finally written your autobiography. Doing the final proof before you release it.

Jordan 0:02:43 There's one called Slags, and there's— she wrote Tin Man.

William 0:02:48 Uh, Judy Garland?

Jordan 0:02:50 No, I know I've got that. It's meant to be good.

William 0:02:53 Okay.

Jordan 0:02:54 I was gonna take, um, Wuthering Heights, but I've seen the film, so—

William 0:03:00 I think probably the book's probably better. Normally is compared to films.

Jordan 0:03:04 But yeah, that and Harry Potter.

William 0:03:06 Harry Potter? Why are you gonna get into Harry Potter now?

Jordan 0:03:09 I'm gonna be eating my body weight in satseeking and hummus and bread. What? What?

William 0:03:18 I think everyone else heard it, didn't they?

Jordan 0:03:21 I'm eating my body weight in tzatziki.

William 0:03:23 You said— oh, did you say— I heard I'm gonna be eating my boy weight.

Jordan 0:03:27 Boy weight?

William 0:03:29 I just heard eating my boy. I was like, okay, wow.

Jordan 0:03:31 You honestly— I'm just gonna put this out there— you need shagging because you're hearing things. I don't. Is Mikey away?

William 0:03:40 No. Well, he was, he was with you at Henley.

Jordan 0:03:43 Mikey, if you're listening, just put out in the next couple of days because it's He's like a dog on heat, this lad. Hearing sexual innuendos. What's up with ya? Go and have a wank. Go on, we'll wait 5 minutes.

William 0:03:55 We'll be back after these messages.

Jordan 0:03:57 Go on, go and have a quick wank and then you'll be fine. Sometimes that's all you need. In the downstairs toilet. That's all you need. Go knock one out in disabled toilets.

William 0:04:04 I'm not going to knock one out in the accessible lavatory.

Jordan 0:04:07 Go on, I'll wait. Sometimes you just need a wank.

William 0:04:14 What's the difference between an egg and a wank?

Jordan 0:04:16 Can't beat an egg.

William 0:04:16 A few weeks ago, we were discussing which of us is funnier, and we— we, you— suggested a poll. For a long time, I'm told, it was agonisingly close with all 3 of us. So, because bizarrely Ben was in this poll as well, within 1% of each other. And after thousands of votes, shock horror, the eventual winner was Jordan.

Jordan 0:04:38 Oh, really?

William 0:04:38 With 38% of the votes.

Jordan 0:04:40 That's very sweet. Producer Ben got 34% of the votes, Why was Producer Ben even an option in it? It was out of William and me.

William 0:04:48 Yeah.

Speaker E 0:04:49 We discussed it in the episode.

Jordan 0:04:50 Yeah, but you weren't in it, eating your apple over there.

William 0:04:53 Yeah, could you— could you eat your cock later?

Jordan 0:04:56 Well, no, don't finish it, 'cause it's gonna go all mouldy and weird.

William 0:04:59 And the apple. And I got 28% of the vote. Well, there's no accounting for taste.

Jordan 0:05:05 Well, I think you're the funniest.

William 0:05:07 Thank you very much. I do too.

Jordan 0:05:09 You are what makes this podcast. Oh, shut up! No, you are, 'cause you're very unique, and you're you. Okay, well, then you can't be very unique. You're an etiquette expert. Me, there's loads of me on pod— You could plonk me on any other— There's loads of versions of me on podcasts. You are you. I'm being sincere there.

William 0:05:25 Thank you.

Jordan 0:05:26 So you're way funnier. Fucking idiot Norvener makes willy jokes, wank jokes. Plop, pop 'em on. There's about 40 podcasts with me on. You are you.

William 0:05:35 Well, that's very sweet.

Jordan 0:05:36 Jonathan, a close second.

William 0:05:37 Well, thank you very much. Ben had shared the poll in his stories, however, which is a bit desperate. I decided not to do that, 'cause I didn't wanna skew the votes as one of 100, you know, creators of the world or whatever, with a few more followers than Ben.

Speaker F 0:05:52 I thought that would be— I didn't ask for anyone to vote for me though. I just said, here's the poll. If you want to vote for who's funniest, then be my guest.

William 0:06:01 Well, I think it's bias. I don't want to become Donald Trump, but I think you rigged the election. Soz. However, Jordan, you also said that you think everyone feels hornier in the heat. You weren't speaking from your own experience at all. So we carried out some highly scientific research, another poll on Instagram. Only 37% of people feel horny when it's hot, apparently.

Jordan 0:06:25 Bollocks. That's bollocks. I want a recount on that.

William 0:06:28 Now it's 37%. Do you know how many people have DM'd me?

Jordan 0:06:32 Someone said, as a bisexual, that peanut butter analogy was great you used a few months ago. Oh, for fuck's sake. But they also said, you've hit the nail on the head regarding the heat and horniness. There's a collaboration. There's a— what's the word?

William 0:06:44 Correlation.

Jordan 0:06:45 There's a correl—

Speaker F 0:06:47 Is it— but is it causation?

Jordan 0:06:48 There's a correl— Coronation Street, what are you on about? There's a correlation, and loads of people have messaged— I don't— not that I read the comments, but I've seen the comments saying, yeah, Jordan's nailed it here.

William 0:06:59 Well, how have you seen the comments if you don't read the comments?

Jordan 0:07:01 Well, I just— what accent is this? Shut up, you read the comments.

William 0:07:04 I don't read the comments. Yes, you do, Jordan. I don't read the comments.

Jordan 0:07:07 Don't read comments. You'll never get out of bed in the morning if you read comments.

William 0:07:10 The general vibe—

Speaker G 0:07:12 Is that what it is?

William 0:07:13 The general vibe from people— that and the restraints. The general vibe from people's comments was that some people do feel hornier, but absolutely do not want any physical contact with another person. I never said that.

Jordan 0:07:24 I never said— I said you're just hornier. I don't mean you're— 'cause of the heat.

William 0:07:28 Jamie said, hot weather does make people horny, and if someone on Grindr has AC in their profile, all my standards and limits disappear. For AC, I will be their plaything until my core temperature drops.

Jordan 0:07:39 officially renting your arse out for cold air.

William 0:07:41 People have done it for worse.

Jordan 0:07:44 We're not judging. I'm just saying, Jamie, when you put it like that, I'm your mate that'll tell you as it is at the pub. And you're giving your arse away for cold air.

William 0:07:55 People do anything to, you know, that's climate change. And I'm not judging. No. You want something hot inside you and cold around you. James had a solution. I hooked up with a coworker in the walk-in freezer at the small ice cream shop I was working in. I mean, full on, all clothes off, right down to business. We were working with a close friend who took over the full heatwave rush of clients while we went at it.

Jordan 0:08:19 Oh, Fez.

William 0:08:19 Wow.

Jordan 0:08:20 Did I do a call then?

William 0:08:21 You don't wanna go and buy any of their ice cream.

Jordan 0:08:24 Did you film it, Jamie? Send it over. James? Sorry.

William 0:08:29 Laura said, in the UK, no, but on holiday, yes. And lots of our G&Ders messaged with filthy stories about getting frisky on holiday, like Hannah, who managed to break 2 hotel beds on holiday.

Jordan 0:08:38 Go on, Hannah! What a goer! Go on!

William 0:08:40 So would you say—

Jordan 0:08:42 Oh, holiday's the best. And there's— everyone's up for it. There's no, not tonight, I've got a headache. I've talked about this before.

William 0:08:48 When you say everyone's up for it, what do you mean by that?

Jordan 0:08:50 Well, the whole hotel. Everyone's up for it. It's great. You've been on pool, you've got back.

William 0:08:57 Are you a swinger?

Jordan 0:08:58 You have a— no! You have a nap, you have a pack of Lay's, and you think—

William 0:09:03 A few Lay's, I would imagine.

Jordan 0:09:04 You're all nodding your heads in agreement, 'cause on holidays—

William 0:09:07 What sort of holidays are you going on?

Jordan 0:09:09 So you're telling me— It's like, it's quite regular on holiday. Am I right in saying it? It's quite regular on holiday. It's the best thing about going on holiday, innit? Well, that and the sun and the food and the wine.

William 0:09:21 Well, and escaping the routine of your normal everyday life.

Jordan 0:09:24 Afternoon delight. I see people on holiday, right? Here's another one for you. Oh, here we go.

William 0:09:29 Right?

Jordan 0:09:30 I'll see people.

William 0:09:31 They're on it.

Jordan 0:09:32 Izzy, pass me your sunglasses for this. It's a visual gag.

William 0:09:36 Hello, welcome to an audio podcast.

Jordan 0:09:38 I see people on holiday, right? And I'm on the sunbed—

William 0:09:40 Jordan's now put the sunglasses on.

Jordan 0:09:42 I'm on the sunbed, right?

William 0:09:43 Actually, they sort of suit him.

Jordan 0:09:45 Okay.

William 0:09:45 Sort of tortoiseshell effect.

Jordan 0:09:46 Don't interrupt this, 'cause it's funny. He's got his hands—

William 0:09:49 I'm describing it for podcast listeners!

Jordan 0:09:52 I'm— I can describe it.

William 0:09:53 Well then, get on with it.

Jordan 0:09:54 I'll be on the sunbed on holiday, and I'll see a couple get up and I'll go, they're going for a shag.

Speaker F 0:10:01 He's looked over the rim of the sunglasses.

Jordan 0:10:03 And then I'll— It's usually always about the same time. It's about 3, 4 o'clock on holiday, and I'll be lying down. I'll go, another couple get up and go, oh, they're going for a shag. Then you see another couple, you think, oh, them as well. Then I'll go, should we go for a shag? Oh God! You do though, you see it.

Speaker F 0:10:34 You don't have any proof that they're going off to have a shag.

Jordan 0:10:36 Of course they are. Why would you leave the heat at 3, 4?

William 0:10:39 To get out the sun and have a bite to eat.

Jordan 0:10:42 And then, and then, and I'll tell you for why. It's always the lad that comes back down, big smirk on his face. She's upstairs washing her fanny and he'll come down. Sorry.

William 0:10:52 You are going on some degenerate holidays.

Speaker H 0:10:55 What hotel are you going to? Yeah, I'm not going to them.

Jordan 0:10:59 Also, can I just say as well, whilst I'm on one, Um, any girls— I've talked about this before— in the pool, right?

William 0:11:07 Voice of women.

Jordan 0:11:08 Girls get in the pool, and when they get out of the pool, they get out like that, and then they go—

William 0:11:14 And pull their swimming costumes and go— Pull their swimming costumes and go—

Jordan 0:11:19 with their little fingers and go, let the water out. And it gives me the ick. So just be warned.

William 0:11:26 And why would it give you the ick?

Jordan 0:11:29 Oh, anyway.

William 0:11:30 Okay. We also talked about how often we wash our sheets, which turns out is a topic that people have strong opinions on. Quite rightly too. Lots of people are like you, Jordan, and wash their sheets on a Friday, though Sunday is another popular day. Ian says it's unlucky to change your sheets on a Sunday, although doesn't tell us why. Jessica has a rule that you must shower before getting into clean sheets, then no sex for 2 nights. Most people are changing their sheets weekly, but Connor said, William will not like this. About once every 2 to 3 months, or after adult time forces me to.

Jordan 0:12:04 To be fair—

William 0:12:05 Connor, I'm surprised you're having any adult time if you change it every 2 to 3 months. Surprised you haven't got sepsis. Lucy said, I can't remember when I last washed my sheets. Thanks for that.

Jordan 0:12:15 Oh!

William 0:12:15 You're dirty. And on the other end of the scale, Vicky says, my husband is changing the sheets daily in the heat. He's obsessed with clean sheets. What? I mean, that's a bit excessive, but I am here for it. I've said it before, if I win the lottery, I'm having clean sheets every other day. I won't do every day, but every other day.

Jordan 0:12:30 It's annoying when you stay in a hotel for a week and they don't change the sheets. You don't mind every odd day.

William 0:12:34 What? They should change it after the third night. That's the normal standard.

Jordan 0:12:37 Oh, is it? Yeah.

William 0:12:39 Yeah. Or they have that thing that you put on the bed to go, we'll change it after the third night, but if you want new sheets, pop this on the bed and we'll then change the sheets.

Jordan 0:12:46 Okay.

Jordan 0:15:43 All right, Gene Davis, thanks for sticking with us. This is our Friday episode, so let's go to some of your correspondence now, please.

William 0:15:52 Now, recently, we sparked a heated debate over the correct pronunciation of England's tallest mountain, Scafell Pike.

Jordan 0:16:02 Scarfell.

William 0:16:02 Right. Well, we've had hundreds of messages from Cumbrian G&Ders, and it turns out that they are just as divided as we are. Now, to help settle the debate, it says here— well, I've got thoughts— once and for all—

Jordan 0:16:15 I'm just going to say, I've— again, it's in the comments on this— most people are saying it's Scarfell, and most people from Cumbria are saying it's Scarfell. Just saying.

William 0:16:25 We've had a voice note from Whitehaven's very own James Robinson, who is co-host Of the lesser host, if I'm honest, of the Holiday Expert Show. Here's his voice note.

Speaker K 0:16:37 Hi guys, James from Cumbria here. And as one from several generations of Cumbrians, I thought I could help. And I'm delighted to say the way I say it is Scarfell, as all of my mates my age. But the older, more elderly, like my granddad, call it Scaw Fell, because in the 1800s it was called Scaw Fell, which probably explains what William is remembering. Love the pod. Bye.

William 0:17:11 Right, okay. Well, thank you, James. You're not completely in my bad books. Well, I was going to look into this for next week, but I feel the need to do something that we don't normally do on a Friday.

Jordan 0:17:21 Oh god, no, please. Not on a Friday.

William 0:17:23 Cue the jingle.

Speaker L 0:17:24 It's William.

Speaker I 0:17:26 William.

Speaker L 0:17:27 The etiquette geek. His knowledge.

Speaker I 0:17:29 Knowledge.

Speaker L 0:17:29 Is quite unique. He'll give your manners.

Speaker I 0:17:32 Manners.

Speaker L 0:17:32 A subtle tweak. It's time for William's Etiquettey-Mettiquettey-Menology of the Week. Cha-cha-cha, cha-cha-cha, cha-cha-cha. Cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha.

Jordan 0:17:42 That's my weekend ruined.

William 0:17:45 So, obviously, recently, Jordan, you as a renowned Lakeland expert and gnome impersonator, insisted that it is Scafell Pike.

Jordan 0:17:57 It's Scafell.

William 0:17:58 Let's look at the history, shall we? Scafell, or Scafell Pike, is the highest mountain in England. How tall is it? It's taller than Ben.

Jordan 0:18:07 Just a bit below Everest, innit?

William 0:18:09 It's way below Everest. How is it? It's 978 metres high, which doesn't sound that much really when you think about it. No, it doesn't, does it? No. This is a relatively recent honour of the highest mountain, dating back to the 19th century, because previously Helvellyn, also in the Lake District, was considered the highest. But during mapping by the Ordnance Survey, Scafell, Scawfell, was found to be the highest, standing 28 metres higher. Now, the name of the contentious mountain is derived from the Old Norse name of the mountain, which dates back to the 9th century. The Vikings called the mountain Skálifjall, which meant bold summit. Say nothing. This later became the English Scawfell. In 1865, the Ordnance Survey mapped the mountain and mistakenly dropped the W when they recorded the name for posterity. So, whilst locals continue to keep the score, the more recent Sca, S-C-A without the W, was adopted by many, especially in Lancashire. So, sorry, Jordan, you are wrong. It is Scafell Pike and has been since the 9th century.

Jordan 0:19:11 But everybody says Scafell.

William 0:19:13 Doesn't mean to say it's correct.

Jordan 0:19:14 Well…

Speaker F 0:19:15 Language is a movable object, William. Thank you.

Jordan 0:19:19 It is.

Speaker F 0:19:19 You've got to catch up with the times, mate.

Jordan 0:19:21 Yeah, it's Scafell.

William 0:19:23 Excuse me, can I just say, I am Cumbrian. Don't minimise my heritage, okay? You're Cumbrian? My grandmother was from Cumbria. So— shush!

Speaker F 0:19:32 Bit of a stretch.

Jordan 0:19:34 Just— look, you're from Gloucestershire. You're getting mixed up.

William 0:19:36 Not from Gloucestershire!

Speaker M 0:19:38 Sorry, Shropshire.

William 0:19:39 Shropshire?

Speaker N 0:19:40 Somerset.

Jordan 0:19:41 Ben.

William 0:19:41 Bristol!

Jordan 0:19:43 You're getting mixed up between Cumbrian and cum dump. And you're the latter.

Speaker F 0:19:50 He was desperate for that joke.

Jordan 0:19:53 Interrupted you about 4 times there.

Speaker N 0:19:54 Ben! Ben! Ben!

William 0:20:01 Can I just say, when we are unplugged from this—

Jordan 0:20:03 Oh, I'm frightened myself.

William 0:20:03 When we're unplugged from this desk, Jordan, I'm going to push you on the sofa and I'm gonna beat you up.

Speaker H 0:20:09 You're gonna poke him?

William 0:20:11 I'm gonna— yeah, I'm gonna poke you beyond— I have— like, I've never poked you before.

Jordan 0:20:16 Oh, shut up, you little cum-dumper.

William 0:20:19 Times you've said that. Or heard it said.

Jordan 0:20:26 Read the next ones. So I'm just— It's still up for discussion.

William 0:20:29 No, it's not! I've looked at the flippin' history! Alex has messaged in after stumbling across a tiny version of Jordan. Yes, even smaller than he already is, in the most unexpected place.

Jordan 0:20:42 I'm not short! I'm not rising to it. I'm a very average-type person. A lot of people think I'm short. People say to me all the time, oh, you're taller in person.

William 0:20:51 Hello, William and Jordan. I'm a fairly new listener to your podcast and have really been enjoying spending a few hours each week with you and the team. I work at Walt Disney World in Florida and it is—

Jordan 0:21:00 God, you don't have this on Walt in Disneyland, do you? You'll never work again.

William 0:21:04 And it has been funny for me to notice the crossovers between things you mentioned on the podcast and things I now discover at work. For instance, I had never had Dubonnet before and I only knew of it because of the Dubonnet Club from The Great Muppet Caper. Oh my God, I loved that film as a child. I'm gonna have to rewatch that.

Jordan 0:21:17 Is there a Dubonnet Club? Yes, it's got Diana Rigg in it.

William 0:21:20 Oh.

Jordan 0:21:20 Oh, so it's about— I loved them.

William 0:21:22 The Debonair Club.

Jordan 0:21:23 I loved the Treasure Island one. Muppet Treasure Island. Treasure Island, yeah. And the Christmas Carol one.

William 0:21:29 No, Great Muppet Caper. Oh my God, I'm gonna watch that tonight.

Jordan 0:21:32 Okay.

William 0:21:33 I was excited to see it on the menu at one of our restaurants and had to try it. It was quite charming. I've also been able to enjoy William's aftershave recommendations thanks to one of the shops at Epcot. Oh, good. Apart from all this, the real reason I'm writing is because I wanted to share something that made me unexpectedly excited, and it ties directly back to you. I was in one of the Disney shops browsing a section of mystery boxes themed to recent releases, and one of them happens to include Jordan's Garden Gnome character from Toy Story 5.

Jordan 0:21:59 Get me one!

William 0:22:00 Although— please.

Jordan 0:22:01 Please.

William 0:22:01 Although I'm generally not a fan of mystery boxes, I have been very tempted to buy one purely in the hope of finding this tiny gnome.

Jordan 0:22:07 Oh, love!

William 0:22:08 Thanks for all the fun and laughs. William, have fun at Disneyland Paris. As we say, see you real soon!

Jordan 0:22:12 Alex. That's my character! Not the one in the middle. No, the Garden Gnome. And there's Sean, Pink Flamingo.

William 0:22:19 Yeah, so she's in the background. Yeah.

Jordan 0:22:21 Shut up, chair!

William 0:22:22 Where's the chair?

Jordan 0:22:23 It's in the other shot.

William 0:22:25 Look, there you are. Oh, we could all— we could all buy you and play with you at home. She might enjoy that. Helen took part in our Are You Hornier in the Summer poll and has sent in some scientific research to aid us in our research. She says, it's actually very scientific, you know. Sunlight boosts the production of mood-enhancing neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine while also increasing vitamin D. And testosterone levels, which drive libido. Additionally, warmer weather and longer days suppress melatonin, the sleep hormone, which leaves you feeling more energetic and alert. Socially, lighter, more revealing clothing increases skin-to-skin contact and exposes us to pheromones found in sweat, which can naturally trigger sexual arousal in potential mates. And that's it for my Etiquetteymology on the week of being horny, Helen.

Jordan 0:23:10 See, that was a great Etiquetteymology, Helen. Thank you. See that? Short, sweet, and actually interesting.

Speaker O 0:23:19 He's brewing on a joke. Anyone's listening, he's brewing on a joke. Yeah, William is just thinking.

Jordan 0:23:26 For anyone listening for the first time, we genuinely do love each other. Yes, we're very, very good friends.

Speaker F 0:23:32 Um, short, sweet, and actually interesting.

William 0:23:33 I've said Jordan aspires to at least one of those. There we go.

Jordan 0:23:36 Yeah, yeah, let's cut that in the end. I, I've said this before, honestly, it's why everyone's hornier in the heat.

William 0:23:41 It is.

Jordan 0:23:42 It makes sense now. What does it do to you? Melatonin.

William 0:23:46 Well, it suppresses melatonin, because it's lighter for longer. So melatonin is normally produced at sort of when it goes dark. Because it doesn't go dark for as long, it thus doesn't— isn't produced as soon.

Jordan 0:23:59 Is that why I'm more tired in the winter?

William 0:24:00 Yes.

Jordan 0:24:02 Yeah, that makes sense. I'm living off like 6 hours sleep at the moment. 5, 6 hours a night, and I'm actually alright.

William 0:24:08 Emma thinks she's caught me making a mistake of titanic proportions. Dear William, Jordan, EPB, and the rest of the Sex Ed team, I come to you with what I can only describe as an etiquette iceberg. William, in a recent episode, you quoted the iconic line from Titanic as, paint me like one of your French girls. Now, unless James Cameron has quietly released a director's director's cut, I'm fairly certain the line is, draw me like one of your French girls.

Jordan 0:24:30 Oh, yeah, it's the Mandela effect, innit? Everyone says, paint me like one of your French girls.

William 0:24:34 Which brings me to my dilemma. What is the correct etiquette when an internationally respected etiquette coach confidently misquotes a line from the very film that inspired the musical they're currently starring in? I'm trying not to be that person, I'm simply concerned that if draw can become paint, we may soon be living in a world where Jack definitely could have fit on the door. Well, he could have done. Thank you for your guidance on this matter of utmost national importance. Yours, trying not to be the etiquette police, Emma. In my defence, I'm not in that scene in the show, so—

Jordan 0:25:00 It's a Mandela effect, that. We always say, paint me like one of your French girls. It's draw me. It's like, mirror, mirror on the wall.

William 0:25:06 Who's the fairest of them all? Not in the film.

Jordan 0:25:07 Yes, she never says that.

William 0:25:09 I think she says, mirror, mirror.

Jordan 0:25:11 No, she says magic. Mirror, mirror.

William 0:25:12 Magic, yes, magic mirror.

Jordan 0:25:14 Yeah, it's never Mirror, Mirror on the Wall.

William 0:25:16 Can we talk about this ahead of the tour? We filmed in— We've gotta get that video.

Jordan 0:25:21 We've gotta get it purely for this.

William 0:25:22 We filmed 2 trailers for the tour that never saw the light of day. One where Jordan and I are recreating the end of— not the end of Cinderella, the midnight bongs, as it were, of Cinderella, where the prince and Cinderella are sitting on the steps of the palace.

Jordan 0:25:36 Yeah.

William 0:25:36 Sondheim reference for the gays. And then for— just pointing it out. And then we did a Mirror, Mirror one.

Jordan 0:25:43 Can we find these and maybe get an edit?

Speaker F 0:25:45 I guess the problem is with promo videos, they obviously— they're designed to sort of want people to buy tickets to the show, not put them off.

William 0:25:51 Yeah, which is why you weren't in it.

Jordan 0:25:53 I was— I remember— I would like that.

Speaker F 0:25:57 Well, actually, I get the biggest cheer, so maybe that's the problem.

Jordan 0:25:59 That's true.

William 0:26:01 Pissy cheer normally.

Jordan 0:26:01 I would like people to see that purely because that took a long time to film and—

Speaker G 0:26:07 Well, we've got— we've got— we've got—

Speaker F 0:26:10 well, okay. We have got the footage from the show, and we did quite a lot of behind-the-scenes filming as well.

Speaker P 0:26:16 Yes, there might be a documentary at some point coming out.

Speaker F 0:26:18 So maybe we could all package it up.

William 0:26:20 Do we tell—

Jordan 0:26:21 Pre-show meeting, can we bring that up today? The tour.

William 0:26:25 Pre-show? Well, we've—

Jordan 0:26:26 post-show, whatever.

William 0:26:27 We are doing the show currently. Do we tell— when do we tell Ben about when he comes on stage for tours normally? When do we actually tell him the truth?

Jordan 0:26:37 What, that he's coming on stage? With the sound effect, yeah. Yeah, the sound effect.

William 0:26:39 Just this little sweetener. He thinks they're all cheering. It's actually normally when people walk out to go and get another drink.

Jordan 0:26:47 A lot of people being sick in the mouths when you came on like Kylie.

Speaker F 0:26:49 Okay, right. Jordan Northpole, were you cheering when EPB came out on stage? 100% yes.

Jordan 0:26:56 Well, no, because that's boring.

William 0:26:58 Jess wants us to explain the mysterious world of the British social calendar. Hi, William, Jordan, EPB, and the rest of the Sex Ed team. I've been a listener for the past few years and even made quite an impression discussion at a friend's dinner party when I played the Cloner Willy dilemma clip. I think I may have converted a few new G&D-ers. This is my first time writing in, though. I have a specific question which I think is right up William's street, and it could even make a good Etiquette-ymology. I've lived in the UK for 5 years now, and I generally enjoy it here, particularly in the summertime. This year I attended Wimbledon for the first time, which I'd always wanted to do, and it was just marvellous. When my fiancée and I got home, we learned that Wimbledon is part of the British social calendar, or the season. We were wondering what other events make up this social calendar. Of course, we all know about Royal Ascot, and I found a few lists online, but I'm not sure whether all the events are considered equally important or if some are more significant than others. I love getting dressed up and soaking up the atmosphere, so my question is, what events would you classify as the must-attend occasions of the season where you go to see and be seen? I'd love to try and attend all of them over the coming years, so hearing William's thoughts would be incredibly helpful. All the best and many thanks, Jess.

Jordan 0:28:03 This is amazing, Jess, because I was telling friends about this, uh, only last week, and you told me about this last year, and I found it fascinating. So basically Like, think Downton Abbey. They'd all come from their big manor houses in the summer down to London for the season. Correct me when I'm wrong.

William 0:28:17 And they'd stay in like their London townhouses, wouldn't they?

Jordan 0:28:20 Yeah. And then, uh, the season always started with Ascot.

William 0:28:23 Hmm. Royal Ascot. Yeah.

Jordan 0:28:25 And it was like the very—

William 0:28:26 Depends what era of time you're going to.

Jordan 0:28:28 It was the very well-to-do, like the aristocrats. So it was like Ascot, Henley Regatta, and, uh, Wimbledon.

William 0:28:35 No, well, Wimbledon and Henley, no. Traditionally, no. I mean, Henley might have been latterly, but Wimbledon wasn't. It now is, yes. Absolutely. I will try and see what we can do for Etymology on this. Cowes Week was one of them on the Isle of Cowes. There's boats.

Jordan 0:28:49 Because basically, they didn't have jobs. They just had days. The summer must have been— And it was a marriage market, basically.

William 0:28:55 That was the whole point of the season. It was to find your daughter a husband. And if you had to go through 2 seasons and you hadn't found one by the end of the season, then dicey. Why did no one want you? Sadly. But that's, you know, luckily the role of women has changed for the better.

Jordan 0:29:11 So what else was on there? It's definitely Wimbledon. Ascot was up there. It was definitely— Yeah, Ascot, absolutely.

William 0:29:18 Wimbledon and Ascot. No, I've just said—

Jordan 0:29:20 Well—

William 0:29:21 No, there was— it wasn't what you thought. Epsom used to be—

Jordan 0:29:25 What, the salts?

William 0:29:27 Look at you.

Jordan 0:29:28 What's Epsom?

William 0:29:29 Uh, races. That's another form of racing. It's like Ascot, but not not. That's good. There were lots of things. Chelsea Flower Show. That was one. So, yeah, there's lots. And then you'd get presented at court, and you would bow before the Queen.

Jordan 0:29:46 Imagine that. That's in that on Downton Abbey.

William 0:29:47 That is on Downton Abbey, yes.

Jordan 0:29:48 The film. It's the movie.

William 0:29:51 It wasn't in the film. It was in one of their Christmas specials.

Jordan 0:29:55 Same thing.

William 0:29:56 Yeah.

Jordan 0:29:56 Don't be pathetic.

Speaker F 0:29:57 What's the modern day? What's in the modern day season?

Jordan 0:29:59 I've told you, Henry Regatta.

William 0:30:01 Jingle Bell Ball.

Jordan 0:30:02 Capital's Jingle Bell Ball, Summertime Ball.

Speaker F 0:30:05 Uh, Help I Sexed My Boss live show.

William 0:30:08 That's March.

Jordan 0:30:09 I do love the summer. I do love the summer.

William 0:30:12 I don't.

Jordan 0:30:13 Is anyone getting a bit apprehensive about the winter when the dark nights come? Oh, let's not think about it.

William 0:30:17 Don't be apprehensive, John, you've got months.

Speaker F 0:30:19 He was getting apprehensive about turning 40 on Tuesday, and that's 4 years away.

William 0:30:23 Yeah, imagine being 14 in the winter. You might as well just book a one-way ticket to Switzerland.

Jordan 0:30:30 Are you allowed to wear big coats in your 40s? Yeah, of course you are.

William 0:30:34 Yeah, alright. Right.

Jordan 0:30:36 Let's finish with our comment of the week. This can be a comment from Spotify, YouTube, or any of our socials.

William 0:30:41 Here are the honourable mentions. KGK commented on YouTube, Jordan looks so happy that he can now directly look into the camera and read his opening lines without looking at a script. Heart emoji. Achievement unlocked after 8 years. To which I replied, lol, it's an autocue.

Jordan 0:30:58 You bitch. You absolute bitch. Did you not see it? I replied to that.

William 0:31:03 Yeah, he did. Did you not see it? I thought you don't read them.

Jordan 0:31:05 You shithouse. As if you did that. You give away a little, little secret there.

William 0:31:10 Well, it's not a secret, it's just an autocue.

Jordan 0:31:11 I bet you couldn't wait, could you? It's an autocue.

William 0:31:14 Oh, look at him. Oh, he can read a script.

Jordan 0:31:18 Oh, someone's being nice to Jordan.

William 0:31:20 Excuse me, if someone's nasty to you, I will also stick up for you, but I can stop doing that if you like.

Jordan 0:31:25 No, don't reply. Don't reply.

William 0:31:29 On Facebook, Gemma Lou commented on the reel of you talking about your fairy spray. Jordan is a bit Mrs. Hinch. Comment of the week goes to Mark on Spotify, however, who commented on the episode in which Jordan did his picky bits etymology. Mark said, sure, Jordan had a go at William for the etiquette being too long to make them punchier. Longest one ever.

Jordan 0:31:47 No, it wasn't. Yes, it was. It was short and sweet, my etymology. It was absolutely not. Jordan, it was a page and a half.

William 0:31:53 half, and you added to it with handwriting. So, you know, just FYI.

Jordan 0:31:58 I don't think it was. I think it was quite short compared to yours. Yours can—

William 0:32:03 Well, yours is quite short compared to mine.

Jordan 0:32:05 Remember, you can listen to new episodes every Tuesday and Friday and 24 hours before anywhere else on Global Player. If you want to get in touch about something that isn't a dilemma or problem, drop into our DMs, send us an email, help@sexandmyboss.com. And we also love hearing back from people we offer advice to. So if that's you, get back in touch. We'll see you on Tuesday.

William 0:32:23 Production question, why is the intro on autocue for Tuesday? The intro for Friday is not on autocue. The outros aren't on autocue. If we've got the flipping autocue, why don't we use it?

Speaker F 0:32:32 I mean, like, do you not think at this point, like, we've been doing it for 8 years, the intro for the, for the week, for this Friday episode and the outros of every Saturday are the same?

Speaker Q 0:32:43 At some point you said— I wanna go and enjoy my weekend.

Jordan 0:32:45 I don't wanna discuss the art. Okay, so we're gonna end this episode.

William 0:32:48 No, we're not. Excuse me. Wait, who died and made you sheriff?

Jordan 0:32:52 We're done here.

William 0:32:53 Finished.

Jordan 0:32:54 Goodbye.

Speaker R 0:32:54 Howdy.