Strava Caught Me Sh*gging | And William Is A FAKE

Jordan 0:01:06 Hello and welcome to our Friday episode. This is where we see how much extra content we can squeeze into your week, random things that have been sent in, and how our advice went down with you, our wonderful G&D-ers.

William 0:01:24 How are you?

Jordan 0:01:24 I'm good. Yeah, good.

William 0:01:26 Nice weekend planned? I hear you're going to Silverstone. I've got a big weekend.

Jordan 0:01:28 Yes. It's, it's a big weekend. I'm proper buzzing. Very lucky. I'm going to Silverstone. Uh, I'm going to watch Mumford Sons on Saturday. Lovely. Do you want to come to that, by the way? I might be able to sort you a ticket. Oh no, because you don't like to spend any time with me socially outside of this capacity of help I sexed my boss.

Speaker E 0:01:49 Jordan's talking to me and I'm not here this weekend.

Jordan 0:01:51 Where are you this weekend?

William 0:01:52 Ben and I, we're going to—

Jordan 0:01:53 Yeah, yeah,

Speaker E 0:01:53 we're going to Bastille.

William 0:01:56 Yeah,

Jordan 0:01:56 you want to see Bastille?

William 0:01:57 Yeah, we're doing— did you not get them Oh no, we didn't invite—

Jordan 0:02:01 no. That's not true, 'cause you're doing—

William 0:02:03 Yeah, exactly.

Speaker E 0:02:04 I'm doing the Three Peaks Challenge.

William 0:02:06 Oh, get you! You're like the Princess of Wales.

Jordan 0:02:08 Bloody hell, how much am I sponsoring you this time?

Speaker E 0:02:10 Well, I'm not asking for sponsors. I'm just doing it for fun.

Jordan 0:02:13 Oh, I would have done that. I'm only joking. I'll always sponsor you.

Speaker E 0:02:16 Thanks, George.

Jordan 0:02:17 Thanks, pal. There you are. Well, good luck on the Three Peaks Challenge.

William 0:02:20 Which are the Three Peaks? Snowdonia.

Speaker E 0:02:23 Snowdon? These are the mountains.

Jordan 0:02:25 Jesus, that's a lot. That's a— so what, you're travelling in between them?

Speaker E 0:02:28 Yeah, it's a lot of driving.

Jordan 0:02:30 Fair fuck play.

Speaker E 0:02:32 Well, I think we're—

William 0:02:32 How do you do it? Is it over 2 days?

Speaker E 0:02:34 It is over a 24-hour period.

Jordan 0:02:37 What?! I'd love to do that.

Speaker E 0:02:39 Yeah.

William 0:02:40 How does it work?

Speaker E 0:02:41 I'm quite scared, to be fair.

William 0:02:42 How long does it take you to get up?

Speaker E 0:02:43 Depends who's asking.

Jordan 0:02:49 If you've had a few drinks, it'll take a bit longer.

Speaker E 0:02:51 We're not going to have a few drinks.

William 0:02:52 I don't think you do a few drinks when you're doing this. No, but seriously.

Jordan 0:02:54 I was trying to be funny. I was trying to make it a boner joke.

Speaker E 0:02:57 Oh, it was a boner— he was trying to make it a boner joke.

William 0:02:58 I'll rephrase it in a non-smutty way. How long does it take you to to get to the top?

Speaker E 0:03:01 I'm not sure. Someone else is organising it. I think it's a few hours for each mountain. You've only guessed one so far.

William 0:03:09 Snowdon.

Speaker E 0:03:09 One's got a similar name to me.

Jordan 0:03:11 Ben Nevis. Scafell. Scafell Pike.

Speaker E 0:03:13 And Scafell Pike.

William 0:03:14 Scafell Pike.

Jordan 0:03:15 What?

William 0:03:15 It's written Scafell, it's pronounced Scafell. Welcome to English.

Jordan 0:03:18 That's not true.

Speaker E 0:03:18 No one says that.

Jordan 0:03:19 Excuse me. No, it's Scafell.

William 0:03:20 My grandmother was from the Lake District. I know.

Jordan 0:03:22 Excuse me, I've been to the Lake District over 100 times, and it's Scafell.

William 0:03:26 Well, bully for you. It's Scafell Pike.

Jordan 0:03:29 Scafell. I've still never been. Okay. Cumbrians, please write in and back me up. Right, well, whatever.

William 0:03:33 Proper Cumbrians, you know, upmarket.

Jordan 0:03:35 Well, look, I'd love to do that. So next time you're doing it, would you—

Speaker E 0:03:38 I'm not going to do it again. And what does proper Cumbrians mean?

Jordan 0:03:41 Well, it would have been nice to have been invited. I'd love to do it. I like—

Speaker E 0:03:44 What with my mates from home?

Jordan 0:03:45 Well, you know, we are sociable fellas.

Speaker E 0:03:48 The Hertfordshire boys.

Jordan 0:03:49 I could have got on with them. Sociable fella. I'm great with the middle classes.

William 0:03:53 You are one of them now.

Jordan 0:03:57 So Bitch, please. Working class always. Once working class, always working class. So Herbert, um, Ben's dad's a wine connoisseur. What does your dad do? Oh, okay, lovely. Nice.

Speaker E 0:04:09 My dad's from Stockport.

Jordan 0:04:10 Oh, here we go. Wine sommelier.

Speaker E 0:04:14 Just a smell.

Jordan 0:04:15 Lovely bloke, by the way. Lovely, loveliest bloke you'll ever, ever meet.

William 0:04:18 Well, this weekend—

Speaker E 0:04:21 This company excluded.

William 0:04:21 This weekend, thanks for asking, aside from—

Jordan 0:04:24 What are you doing, Titanic?

William 0:04:25 I've got other stuff. I do have a life. Oh,

Jordan 0:04:28 sorry, let me guess, you're gonna have Doodle-doo-doo, a beef burrito in between.

William 0:04:32 Oh, I actually did have one the other day, 'cause they ran out of chicken. I didn't like it as much.

Jordan 0:04:36 Sorry, go on.

William 0:04:39 No, we are— so at the time of recording this weekend, it's Pride in London. And the cast of beep beep beep beep beep are performing in Trafalgar Square. And we're doing a special performance of Pride.

Jordan 0:04:49 Oh my god, what has William Hanson come to? It's gonna be on a float.

William 0:04:53 I'm not on a float!

Jordan 0:04:54 In floaty shorts and a crop top. Singing along to Celine Dion. You've become a caricature of yourself.

William 0:05:01 Thanks for lending them to me.

Jordan 0:05:03 Yeah, you're more than welcome. Are you on a float?

William 0:05:04 No, we're on stage in Trafalgar Square, and I will not be in slutty shorts and a crop top. I will have birds on my head and an anorak, so that'll be lovely.

Jordan 0:05:14 I can't wait for the— when they ask you to do a slut on The One Show or Good Morning Britain or Sunday brunch. Just make sure if you're on Sunday brunch, you, you're plugged in. A lot of times you've got a DJ on, so if you're not plugged in there, that pretend DJing— what?

William 0:05:35 I don't know why. What are you— what

Jordan 0:05:37 if you're gonna— you know, sometimes they get like the West End on.

William 0:05:40 Do they?

Jordan 0:05:41 Yeah, they do it on like Britain's Got Talent, Saturday Night Takeaway. That can't— they always get them to perform on there.

William 0:05:45 Oh yeah.

Jordan 0:05:46 They did Mary Poppins and stuff.

William 0:05:47 They have had Mary Poppins.

Jordan 0:05:48 I'd love for them to get you on Good Morning Britain.

William 0:05:50 The only thing that made me not enjoy Mary Poppins

Jordan 0:05:53 What?

William 0:05:54 I didn't like that performance.

Jordan 0:05:55 Why?

William 0:05:55 It was just not quite right.

Jordan 0:05:57 It was on Saturday Night Takeaway. Yeah. Was it the end of the show show?

William 0:06:01 Yeah. I didn't think it worked. Just my thoughts.

Jordan 0:06:05 What, with Ant and Dec? Why?

William 0:06:08 I just, I just don't think it— It

Jordan 0:06:10 was a Saturday night. It was great. It was everything you'd see on the stage.

William 0:06:13 Well, with Ant and Dec doing it.

Jordan 0:06:15 Yeah. Kick your knees up, step in time.

William 0:06:18 Yeah, I just, just my thoughts. I've seen them do better. 45 times I've seen that show. I know it inside out.

Jordan 0:06:24 But he's—

William 0:06:24 I've actually seen that show more than I have performed in Titanic currently.

Jordan 0:06:29 But he's basically saying he didn't think your performance, which I thought was one of the best of the end-of-the-show shows you did, was the best. The best they ever did was— big fan, Jordan, hi— was the drag queens. Of

William 0:06:43 course you like that.

Jordan 0:06:44 Alright, shall we crack on? What have we got first bit?

William 0:06:48 Well, Jordan, we were talking about your mother's 60th birthday party. Can't believe she's 60.

Jordan 0:06:53 Yeah, and on the headline here, it says tacky parties.

William 0:06:55 I did not write that.

Jordan 0:06:58 I'm actually offended. Can we delete that, please? It wasn't a tacky party. Just a party up north in a kitchen. So the next bit, we're gonna do tacky parties.

William 0:07:08 Yeah.

Jordan 0:07:09 It wasn't tacky!

William 0:07:10 You revealed that at your mother's 60th— again, not tacky. What is tacky about this? She had a champagne bottle balloon. Which I might have said was tacky, but obviously isn't, soz Wendy. Never one to miss a chance to disapprove of other people's life choices, we asked for tacky things that our GeoDivas have seen at parties. So, you're saying that a champagne bottle balloon is not tacky? I

Jordan 0:07:33 thought it was very nice and fitting.

William 0:07:34 Lovely.

Jordan 0:07:35 It was actually a Prosecco bottle, I think.

William 0:07:36 Okay. So Claire hates beige buffet food.

Jordan 0:07:43 Oh, day off.

William 0:07:44 Anaemic cocktail sausages, flavourless sausage rolls, and everything served directly from plastic packaging.

Jordan 0:07:50 That's why you get hummus and dips.

William 0:07:52 Yeah, but hummus is beige.

Jordan 0:07:54 And mayo, you dip it in.

William 0:07:56 Beige adjacent.

Jordan 0:07:57 And also, if they've been in the fridge too long, it loses its taste. You get it out the fridge.

William 0:08:00 Yeah, you should get everything out the fridge.

Jordan 0:08:02 You get a late rest.

William 0:08:03 Well, I would say that's tacky.

Jordan 0:08:05 Also, we had sushi at Wendy's 60th.

William 0:08:07 Sushi?!

Jordan 0:08:08 She did get a dig in and went, I've got that, you. You know what, you've been in London. You and your London ways. And now we're the only one that ate it.

William 0:08:16 I mean, sushi, I mean, it's not so 15 years ago, is it?

Jordan 0:08:19 We were there for Mick and Carl going, fucking sushi? Yeah, it's that for

William 0:08:23 you, posh git! Birthday sashes got flak from a lot of people, including Laura, who detests a birthday sash, especially a personalised one. Gem hates them too, particularly when they say things like, 30 and hot, buy me a shot. Tacky.

Jordan 0:08:37 Well, I actually had one in Crewe this weekend.

William 0:08:39 And what's tacky about Crewe?

Jordan 0:08:41 I said bride-to-be.

William 0:08:42 Did you?

Jordan 0:08:43 They were going on a stag do, hen do.

William 0:08:45 Oh, lovely. Samantha thinks the Happy Birthday song is tacky, saying, no one sings it in tune and it goes on forever.

Jordan 0:08:52 I have got a few issues with that.

William 0:08:53 It's not the greatest.

Jordan 0:08:54 I think we need to regret. Yeah.

William 0:08:56 Yeah, it's not the greatest.

Jordan 0:08:59 Happy birthday.

William 0:09:00 So, you agree that that is tacky? Okay, good. We are agreed.

Jordan 0:09:03 No, I don't agree it's tacky. I just— I don't think any of this is tacky, particularly.

William 0:09:09 Well, cover your ears for this, Jordan, because Craig thinks caterpillar cakes are tacky and common.

Jordan 0:09:14 Oh. Craig, you can fuck off.

William 0:09:18 Don't tell our listeners to fuck off.

Jordan 0:09:20 I've never told a listener to fuck off, but Craig, you've done that to get a response out of me, and you've got one. So Craig, fuck off.

William 0:09:29 Have I tasted better cakes?

Jordan 0:09:31 When a Northerner tells you to fuck off. I'm just staring at him and said,

William 0:09:35 Have I tasted better cakes? Yes.

Jordan 0:09:37 No, you haven't. They're the best. Even I get the little mini ones. I have them with a brew most afternoons. Craig, sorry for telling you to eff off, but you wanted a right. You wanted a—

William 0:09:47 A right of— yeah.

Jordan 0:09:48 You wanted a response, and you've got one.

William 0:09:50 Nicola said queuing at a 21st—

Jordan 0:09:52 I feel bad now. I'm so weak.

William 0:09:55 Nicola said queuing at a 21st to give the birthday person their 21 kisses. What?

Jordan 0:10:00 What?

William 0:10:01 Yep.

Jordan 0:10:02 I've never heard of that.

William 0:10:03 I'm 37 soon, so…

Jordan 0:10:05 It's a blowjob.

William 0:10:07 According to the internet, it's an Irish tradition. Ah. 21 people queue up for a kiss, with the last kiss reserved for someone of particular significance, be it familial or romantic. Should we celebrate more birthdays like this? Did Wendy get 60 kisses?

Jordan 0:10:21 No, but I quite like that. So it's 21 people queue up and give you 21 kisses.

William 0:10:26 Yeah. So it's— oh, so it's not— I thought it was 21 kisses from the same person. That would be a bit much. Is this cringe? I hope Mikey doesn't mind me sharing this, but when I'm going away for work, if I'm away for a couple of nights, 'cause Mikey and I will normally kiss each other goodnight.

Jordan 0:10:42 This is sweet. I know what you're gonna say.

William 0:10:46 If I'm away for 3 nights, we then do one for tomorrow night, one for tomorrow morning, one for tomorrow night, one for tomorrow morning, until, you know—

Jordan 0:10:55 Oh, you give one— that's sweet. So you give one for the night and one for the morning?

William 0:10:58 Yeah.

Jordan 0:10:58 So what if you're going away for a fortnight?

William 0:11:00 That's 48 kisses. Back in the day. I used to. We were just like, mm, mm,

Jordan 0:11:06 mm, mm, mm, mm. Fucking hell.

William 0:11:07 Too far. I don't go away—

Jordan 0:11:08 Why do I keep swearing? I'm so sorry. I've got a potty mouth today. I'm so sorry.

William 0:11:11 I don't go away that much now.

Jordan 0:11:13 You used to give him 41 kisses.

William 0:11:14 Well, if it was— when I was doing my 2 weeks.

Jordan 0:11:17 It's practically sex.

William 0:11:17 Mm. Well, we weren't married at the time, so we weren't having sex.

Jordan 0:11:22 Of course. Were they all face kisses, or were they downstairs kisses?

William 0:11:28 We did it in the upstairs bedroom.

Jordan 0:11:31 Okay. I'm so sorry, I keep swearing today. I'm like, I've been dragged off.

William 0:11:35 You're doing that podcast with Kathy Burke. Naomi said, any proper party for a child younger than 4 or 5 is ridiculous and tacky on the parent's part. It is purely to put on a show of how amazing they are as a parent. The kid would be happy with a simple cake and toys at home, maybe a family barbecue to celebrate them. But hiring a massive venue and going all out is a massive waste of my time, because if I don't go, I look like the bad guy. I would agree. A 2-year-old does not have a clue what day of the week it is, yet alone their birthday. So you do not need to do a big birth— Yeah. A little tea, have the grandparents over, blow out a cake if they can even do that. That's all you need to do. You can start doing proper birthdays when they, when they actually go to proper school, not nursery.

Jordan 0:12:13 My nephew's was recently, theirs a few days, and it was just at their other grandma's. It was great, resulting garden.

William 0:12:19 Yeah,

Jordan 0:12:20 and stuff like that. It's great.

William 0:12:22 Yeah, um,

Jordan 0:12:23 really got into the, um, I think I talked about last time, little Mini beers from a German superstore.

William 0:12:33 Continuing the theme, Jordan says chocolate fountains at kids' parties. You'd have to have a good immune system to dip in there and eat. Yes.

Jordan 0:12:40 I love a chocolate fountain.

William 0:12:41 Yeah, but not at a kids' party.

Jordan 0:12:42 Oh, I'd love dipping strawberries in chocolate. Yeah,

William 0:12:46 but if it's your own chocolate, that's fine.

Jordan 0:12:47 Oh, I might even buy one of those chocolate fountains. You know when I'm just feeling—

William 0:12:51 I'm not sure you'll be allowed.

Jordan 0:12:52 Just feeling a bit down. Just come home, because I'm an adult, I can do what I want. It'll be like the toaster machine though, I'll use it twice.

William 0:13:00 You'd be like a pig in shit.

Jordan 0:13:01 Oh, I would.

William 0:13:02 And piñatas. I might just be against kids' parties, so now I think about it, I'd say kids' parties as a whole. I wouldn't say kids' parties as a whole are tacky. I would— even I would say on that, you can have—

Jordan 0:13:12 I've never done a piñata.

William 0:13:13 No, they're quite American. Well, they're obviously—

Jordan 0:13:17 It's Mexican, innit?

William 0:13:18 Yeah, yeah, but that part of the world. But we don't really do them here. Now Jordan, you told us that your grandmother used to cover her knickers up on the washing line with a tea towel. So we asked our G&Ders about other cute things they've done to avoid creating a scandal. Sticking with the scandalous laundry theme, Freya's mum used to hide the girls' small on a bench in the front garden and would always put the boys' on the back in full view. Lucy puts pants on the inner bits of the rotary washing line and hides them behind other clothes.

Jordan 0:13:44 Yes, see, I get it!

William 0:13:44 Yeah, that's more normal. Yeah, than— But I guess the tea towel approach works if it's just underwear that's on the line. Stephen's granny dried her sister's frilly undergarments in the coal bunker to hide them. Gosh,

Jordan 0:13:58 what year were you?

William 0:13:59 Yeah. Okay. I mean, I don't have a washing line, so I just dry mine in the tumble dryer on a low. Otherwise, the elastic breaks.

Jordan 0:14:08 I don't like them going in the tumble dryer. They fade and go all—

William 0:14:11 Fade?

Jordan 0:14:12 What colour are yours? Fade, and they go all—

William 0:14:14 Are they not white or black?

Jordan 0:14:16 They smell weird. What? They smell like tumble dryer. Do you know what I

William 0:14:20 mean? What? Do you not have a— I have a tumble dry scent thing that just puts—

Jordan 0:14:24 Oh, get me on them. I've never heard of that.

William 0:14:25 Oh, I'll send you a picture.

Jordan 0:14:26 I've been using your bleach, by the way.

William 0:14:28 Oh, Ace for Whites.

Jordan 0:14:29 My towels have never been whiter.

William 0:14:31 There we go. You don't need to use it every wash.

Jordan 0:14:33 Really good for socks as well.

William 0:14:35 Yep. Anything white, funnily enough. There's also— Jonathan's also given me Ace for Colours, which is a bleach for your coloured clothes, but doesn't bleach them. But that's quite good. Anna said, I went for my cervical screening. If you have a cervix, you get a screening. And decided to go alfresco under a long skirt to avoid the stress of getting undressed under a time limit. Usually the nurse leaves the room, but this time she just pulled the curtain, so I mimed taking my knickers off so she didn't realise I was walking around with no knickers on.

Jordan 0:15:05 That's good.

William 0:15:08 That's funny.

Jordan 0:15:09 That's funny. Mimed taking your knickers off. Yeah.

William 0:15:13 Elizabeth said that people hide their underwear for intimate medical procedures, even though the doctor or nurse is about to see everything. Chantelle and Nanda—

Jordan 0:15:20 Oh, that's— yeah, that's— yeah.

William 0:15:21 Yeah. Mentioned holding a towel around someone while they wiggle around to get changed.

Jordan 0:15:27 Yeah, I've done that before. Just a lot the other way.

William 0:15:30 Rebecca's mum won't be seen with an Aldi or Lidl shopping bag. She transfers it to an M&S or Waitrose bag if she has to frequent either store. I agree. I've said it before on this podcast, years ago, when I went to my very first and probably only purchase from the late Topman. I—

Jordan 0:15:47 You didn't.

William 0:15:48 I did. I bought a t-shirt for a friend's party in a nightclub, and it was in the Arndale Centre of Manchester, and I went next door to the Waterstones because that was next door to each other and bought a book so I could then put my—

Jordan 0:15:59 She didn't want to be seen with a Topman bag?

William 0:16:01 No.

Jordan 0:16:01 Why? They were pretty cool.

William 0:16:02 Yeah, but I was not.

Jordan 0:16:04 I think I remember you vaguely telling me this. You bought a shirt from Topman because you're going to a club.

William 0:16:09 Yeah, I was going to a club, and I thought, this boy won't like me if I'm wearing my usual stuff.

Jordan 0:16:13 And now you're never out of the clubs.

William 0:16:14 I haven't been to a club for ages, actually. Bar, yes. Club, no.

Jordan 0:16:19 To be fair, I haven't been to a club for ages.

William 0:16:21 Or as I call it, duck club. Emily bought a pregnancy test and hid it amongst their other shopping despite being a 29-year-old married woman.

Jordan 0:16:29 Yeah, I do that if I have to buy—

William 0:16:32 A pregnancy test?

Jordan 0:16:33 Yeah, I do.

William 0:16:35 Yeah, I kind of get that. Josh's granny used to mute—

Jordan 0:16:39 I did. I was doing it in— I was doing a shop, and I've been— I'm fine, but I could just feel one brewing. I was buying some pile cream.

William 0:16:49 Some what?

Jordan 0:16:50 Pile cream. As soon as I picked it up, someone went, love the show. I was like, oh, for fuck's sake. So I hid it. You know when sometimes you feel you've got one coming? Well, anyway, I've not used it. I didn't have them.

William 0:17:06 Josh's granny used to mute the TV when she knew a swear word was coming up in a film.

Jordan 0:17:12 Oh, don't. That's so nice. That's so sweet. That's so sweet.

William 0:17:16 There's a nice skit in Hyacinth where she gets a TV repairman to come around to put a box over the TV— a box in the TV that will go bleep every time there's a swear word. It's obviously not how it works, but she thinks it was. Finally, an anonymous G&D-er's ex used to take his smartwatch off when they had sex so his wife wouldn't see the activity. Okay, uh, not sure if that counts as cute, but it's definitely scandalous.

Jordan 0:17:40 Those watches My mate was telling me recently, I had a pint with him, aren't they linked to Strava?

William 0:17:47 Well, they can be, yeah.

Jordan 0:17:48 And this mate, my mate was saying, and everyone at work were like, did you go for a run at 3 o'clock this morning? And it like, it went all on his Strava. He'd had a wank, he went on a Strava account.

Speaker E 0:18:01 No way.

Jordan 0:18:02 Yeah, no way, it was all linked. I don't know if he was like winding me up, it was a funny pub tale anyway. But yeah, exactly.

William 0:18:09 Give me a cocktail. Would you wear a watch during activity?

Jordan 0:18:12 It depends.

William 0:18:16 What? I guess you need to see the time.

Jordan 0:18:17 I don't know.

Speaker E 0:18:19 Do you take it off? I never take mine off.

Jordan 0:18:22 What, for a wank?

William 0:18:24 No, for—

Speaker E 0:18:24 No, for anything.

William 0:18:25 For sleeping.

Jordan 0:18:25 Activity. Oh.

William 0:18:26 Oh, I take mine off for sleeping. Yeah, yeah. Some people wear them because they want to know their sleep score.

Speaker E 0:18:30 But it tells you your sleep score.

William 0:18:31 I don't want to know my sleep score.

Speaker E 0:18:33 I got 90 last night.

William 0:18:35 Oh, what do you want, a medal?

Speaker E 0:18:36 No, just a good night's sleep.

Jordan 0:18:38 I'd be obsessed with it, so I don't bother.

William 0:18:41 Are you sleeping any better now, by the way? I mean, obviously last night, 90.

Speaker E 0:18:44 90? Pretty good.

Jordan 0:18:46 I think so. That's your insomnia,

Speaker E 0:18:48 that.

William 0:18:48 Yeah.

Jordan 0:18:49 Ben gets terrible insomnia. So I used to get really bad, but I've been alright. I don't want to say anything. I don't want to say anything. I'm not going to jinx it. Touch wood.

Jordan 0:21:24 Alright, Gene Divas, thanks for sticking with us. What have we got now, please?

William 0:21:32 Well, last—

Jordan 0:21:33 William.

William 0:21:34 Yeah, last week we wondered if we had any straight male listeners, and yes, they have been in touch in their tens.

Jordan 0:21:39 I've had many a DM from 'em. I do apologise. Yeah.

William 0:21:43 So a manly hello to Michael, Ed, Mike, Toby, Lee, H from Swansea, not Steps, Adam the Welder, and Welsh J, who says Jordan's Welsh. Welsh accent is terrible.

Jordan 0:21:53 I'll have you know, Jay, my accent from Wales is very good, thank you. And I'm questioning if you are actually straight. I'm gonna say it.

William 0:22:00 And that is it. That is all our straight male listeners. Really? So, hello to them.

Jordan 0:22:04 Oh, we did— I can't remember what we said.

William 0:22:06 You can't even create a football team with them.

Jordan 0:22:08 Have we not even got 11 straight male listeners?

William 0:22:10 I think we might have more, but those are the ones that got in touch.

Jordan 0:22:13 We've got loads.

William 0:22:14 Yeah. Ben, listen— oh no. David messaged in after hearing our advice regarding how to politely tell your guests to go home. Hello, William, Jordan, and the team. I love your recent episode where you talked about giving people the cold shoulder. A couple of years ago, I went to Bosnia, and they have a great etiquette to get someone to leave. They serve them a cold cup of tea. The person receiving the tea knows it's their time to leave, says thank you, and goes. Why would you want—

Jordan 0:22:39 I know, that seems just rude.

William 0:22:40 Want to drink a cold cup of tea?

Jordan 0:22:42 I mean, I— Yeah, it means you need to go.

William 0:22:43 Yeah. Well, there we go. That's a bit of Bosnia etiquette.

Speaker E 0:22:46 I quite like that.

Jordan 0:22:46 Yeah, I do actually.

William 0:22:48 A staff member from Ben and Jordan's power washing company, BJ Services, has gotten in touch.

Jordan 0:22:52 It's gone on there because Ben doesn't want to spend any time with me outside of the podcast. Again, I've been trying to get him to do this for months. I want to come around and power wash his drive.

William 0:23:00 He's done his drive.

Jordan 0:23:01 I want to power wash with my friend, but he don't want to power wash with me.

William 0:23:04 Hello boys, I've just been listening to the show for 3 years now and I love the podcast. I know Jordan and Ben were recently going through a bromance, short-lived, over power washing, and Jordan wanted to call their company BJ Services. Do you know that this company already exists as an oil service company based in Houston?

Jordan 0:23:20 We'll sue them. What, what have an oil company got that we haven't? We'll take 'em to court.

William 0:23:24 And I used to work for them in Aberdeen. My email address was anonymous@bjservices.co.uk. To make matters worse, our mouse mats had this— Our mouse mats had the strapline, the deeper we go, the better we look.

Jordan 0:23:38 Shut up!

William 0:23:39 Americans don't get irony. Keep up the great work, Anonymous.

Jordan 0:23:43 The deeper we go, the better we look on BJ Services.

Speaker E 0:23:46 That could sum up what we do as well.

Jordan 0:23:48 Power washing. The

William 0:23:49 harder we blast,

Jordan 0:23:51 We'll leave you clean but wet.

William 0:23:52 Yeah,

Speaker E 0:23:54 yeah,

Jordan 0:23:54 we'll work on

William 0:23:56 that. Catherine heard my recent etymology regarding the Union Jack flag and had this to say: Hi guys, love the pod and hope you're well. I just wanted to let you know that I sent a very good friend of mine William's etymology book— no book, but regarding the Union Flag. He has had a very long and successful career in the Navy and thought he might find it interesting. Indeed, he did, and he also added some more of his own specialist knowledge to the subject and thought you might like to hear what he said. See below. Nowadays, warships only Only fly the Union Jack flag when alongside or at anchor, striking, lowering the Jack when sailing, except for certain ceremonial reasons. Simple. The main reason is that the Jackstaff, the little mast in the bow— or do we say bow? I can't bow. Our bow gun would shoot it off otherwise. At no point in any of this do we call it jacking off. Keep up the great work. Love from Catherine from Prestatyn, North Wales. Yes, Jordan, my house is the one on the hill in the middle.

Jordan 0:24:50 You see those 3 houses? 2 houses. 2 houses on the hill? Mine's the middle one.

William 0:24:54 I never used to get that joke. And then I realised that what you're saying is, yeah.

Jordan 0:24:59 There is no bread, so we'll have some toast.

Speaker E 0:25:00 I also didn't get it until just that moment when you went, oh, it's such a L.

Jordan 0:25:06 You see those 2 houses on the L? Mine's the middle one.

Speaker E 0:25:10 Because there's only 2 houses, you can't have a middle one.

Jordan 0:25:12 You see those 3 sheep over there? Mine's the 4th one. I don't know what that's off.

Speaker E 0:25:15 That one's not quite as clever.

William 0:25:16 No. Anonymous has a burning question for us. Hi, William and Jordan. I've discovered your podcast this year, and it has been keeping me company for the last few months. I also watch Taskmaster, created by Greg Davies and Alex Horne, and I can't help but think you guys would be a great fit. Would you guys ever consider going on that show? I'm sure the G&Ders would love watching you attempt the ridiculous tasks. Well, we would. They just don't want us on it. Well, they don't want Jordan on it.

Jordan 0:25:44 Have you heard?

William 0:25:44 Because it's a very successful series. And they want to keep it going for as long as possible. No, I've not been asked.

Jordan 0:25:51 No, I haven't.

William 0:25:52 So I think that's why we're probably not on Gogglebox, because they want that to continue.

Jordan 0:25:55 I'd love for us to do Gogglebox. I know. I still watch it every Friday. And even if I miss it on a Friday, I'll watch it in a week.

William 0:26:02 Yeah. But maybe, maybe, you know, next week we could do a Taskmaster-style challenge in the studio. If we won't go on Taskmaster, we'll just rip off their IP.

Jordan 0:26:12 What other shows could we do together? We got asked to do Race Across the World.

William 0:26:16 We did get asked to do Race Across the World.

Jordan 0:26:17 We got asked a couple of times. I, I have said to the production team of Race Across the World, when the radio is— when I get the, you know, when the radio is over, I would absolutely love to do it, but I just can't be off for like 3 months.

William 0:26:30 All right, well, next year we'll do it. LOL.

Jordan 0:26:34 You said you'd never do it.

William 0:26:36 No, because I watched— I watched the series, and literally when they were trying to leave Greenwich, I was getting stressed. So I thought, well, how am I going to do when I'm sort of, you know, strapped to a—

Jordan 0:26:45 That's the point. On a bus for 14 hours.

William 0:26:48 In Burkina Faso? Absolutely

Jordan 0:26:49 not. It'd be great telly.

William 0:26:51 No, it'd be great telly, but no.

Jordan 0:26:52 We will, we'll definitely do that. I know I said to her we'd do that. And didn't we get asked to do Antiques Roadshow as well?

William 0:27:00 No, because they don't have guests on that other than—

Jordan 0:27:02 Yeah, they do.

William 0:27:03 Oh, Bargain Hunt. Road Trip.

Jordan 0:27:05 Bargain Hunt.

William 0:27:05 Oh, did we get asked to do Bargain Hunt?

Jordan 0:27:07 We got asked to do Bargain Hunt, but we couldn't because I can't remember. There's something else that I said, oh, we'd definitely love to do it when timings are right. Oh, was it that Dangerous Roads one? That really does really well on YouTube.

William 0:27:20 Dangerous Roads?

Jordan 0:27:21 World's Most Dangerous Roads. There was another one. Anyway.

William 0:27:24 I'm not doing that. That sounds dangerous.

Jordan 0:27:26 Let's finish with our comment of the week. This can be a comment from Spotify, YouTube, or any of our socials.

William 0:27:32 Yes, this week it's a Wendy North spesh after her cameo in last week's episode to tell me off for being cheeky. Scolding aside, it was obviously such a joy to work charismatic and beloved member of the North family for once.

Jordan 0:27:43 Creep.

William 0:27:44 She's also never been responsible for a TV series being cancelled. Before we get to our favourite one, here's the honourable mentions. Susie said, give Jordan his dues, his Wendy impression is actually pretty accurate.

Jordan 0:27:54 Thank you. My mates all say I'm on Wendy and Graham impressions.

William 0:27:57 Well, your Wendy impression is basically just you but a bit higher pitched.

Jordan 0:28:00 Excuse me, it's absolutely not, thank you very much.

William 0:28:03 And less camp.

Jordan 0:28:03 So I said to her, right, so we're at Till, and I said to her, right, no, you were pushing in love, and I was going to keep quiet, But I told her to piss off and she did.

William 0:28:12 David said, is it because she criticised William's sofa? Well, she wouldn't know taste if she sat on it. And comment— A

Jordan 0:28:20 bit offensive to Graham.

William 0:28:21 Oh, great. Jordan started beef with his own mum.

Jordan 0:28:27 No, that was a horrible fucking— have you realised what I've just said? Have you realised what I've just said? Ah! Where the hell did that come from? Ah!

William 0:28:39 And the comment of the week goes to Sam, who said, absolute diva. We now see where Jordan gets it from.

Jordan 0:28:45 Oh.

William 0:28:45 Yeah. Are you more like your mother or your father? I mean, I would say you're probably a bit of both, which is sort of kind of how it works. But I would say probably—

Jordan 0:28:55 More like me mum, but I've got me dad's work ethic.

William 0:28:58 But he moans as well, does he?

Jordan 0:29:00 No, he's very hardworking. He's great though.

William 0:29:04 Yeah.

Jordan 0:29:04 He's a very, like, uh, what's the word? Studious. Uh, like, he's quite—

William 0:29:10 Dedicated.

Jordan 0:29:11 Studious. Is that the right word?

William 0:29:12 Um, diligent.

Jordan 0:29:14 Yeah, yeah, yeah. So yeah.

William 0:29:16 Lovely.

Jordan 0:29:17 Are you more like your mum or your dad?

William 0:29:19 I'm more like my mother domestically, and again, I'm more work ethic more like my father.

Jordan 0:29:24 Okay.

William 0:29:25 So similar, aren't we?

Jordan 0:29:27 Uh, remember, you can listen to new episodes every Tuesday and Friday and 24 hours before anywhere else on Global Player. If you want to get in touch about something that isn't a dilemma or a problem, you can drop into our DMs, send us an email to help@sexmyboss.com. We also love hearing back from the people we offer advice to. So if we've read out one of your letters, get back in touch and we'll speak to you on Tuesday.

William 0:29:45 Goodbye.

Jordan 0:29:46 Bye-bye.