Sexted Spelling Bee And Jordan’s Weekend Candle

Jordan 0:01:35 Hello and welcome to our Friday episode where we see how much extra content we can squeeze into your week. Random things that have been sent in, extra bits that have been going on, and how our advice has gone down with you. Our fabulous GND-verse.

William 0:01:58 Oh, get you changing the adjective. Lovely.

Jordan 0:02:02 Fabulous. Fabulous. Wonderful.

William 0:02:04 Now, I can almost smell the sun cream on you because you have oiled yourself up ready for your annual pilgrimage to Skegness, haven't you?

Jordan 0:02:12 Yes, going to Skeggy this weekend. Lovely. For a week. Yeah.

William 0:02:16 You looking forward to it?

Jordan 0:02:17 Yeah, it's a beautiful part of the world.

William 0:02:19 Great.

Jordan 0:02:19 Very much so. Looking forward to it.

William 0:02:21 Love all those sandy beaches.

Jordan 0:02:23 Yeah, yeah, it'll be great.

William 0:02:24 What, um, what books have you got, or are you not there yet? Oh, good question.

Jordan 0:02:29 I've got, um, well, I've read a real long one on my last holiday that was 1,000 pages and it weren't that good, so I kind of stuck with it.

William 0:02:37 I, you, I think you're too nice with books. I give up with books if it doesn't, if it doesn't hold me within 100 pages.

Jordan 0:02:43 It's all right, but I've got a few. I've got, um, Douglas thingy's new one, your man who wrote, uh, John of John, it's called.

William 0:02:53 Douglas Stuart.

Jordan 0:02:54 Douglas Stuart, is it?

William 0:02:55 No, uh, Yeah, the one who did Young Mungo.

Jordan 0:02:58 Yeah, I've got his one. Uh, I've got another one.

William 0:03:03 Micah's reading John O'John now.

Jordan 0:03:04 Yeah, who is he? I've got quite a few. Yeah, I'll do a little recommendation. Yeah, hopefully I can bash through them, maybe read one on the plane— train. Um, yeah, yeah, I actually need to think of the books. We've got a Donald Trump one as well.

William 0:03:18 Oh, I mean, what more is there to say?

Jordan 0:03:20 Just annoy me on me holiday.

William 0:03:21 Yeah, you don't want to be annoyed.

Jordan 0:03:23 Wind me up, get me wound up.

William 0:03:24 Yeah, don't do that.

Jordan 0:03:26 So yeah, what are you doing this weekend?

William 0:03:27 Not an awful lot. I'm going to a dinner on Saturday at some friend's house. A friend's house, a little soirée. What friend?

Jordan 0:03:35 Were you not saying?

William 0:03:36 Jonathan Van der Smyth, actually. Going to his house. Oh, okay. Yes, he's doing a— well, presumably it'll be outside because he doesn't like cooking inside.

Jordan 0:03:43 He doesn't like anyone— will he be like on plastic sheets and stuff in his house?

William 0:03:46 Plastic sheets?

Jordan 0:03:47 It's not that sort of party. On his sofa. I imagine him having plastic all over his sofa.

William 0:03:52 No, he's—

Jordan 0:03:52 Like Raymond's mum in Everybody Loves Raymond.

William 0:03:54 No, he's not that bad.

Jordan 0:03:56 No?

William 0:03:56 But it is the only house I've ever gone to that makes me feel like I live in Onslow and Daze's house, and just full of mud.

Jordan 0:04:03 Does he make you take your shoes off?

William 0:04:05 No, no, he and I agree on that. You don't do that. Oh, okay.

Jordan 0:04:08 Yeah.

William 0:04:09 I mean, obviously if it's covered in mud, yes, but if not, you can keep your shoes on.

Jordan 0:04:12 So, he'll cook everything outside?

William 0:04:14 He's got a whole alfresco kitchen area. Literally doesn't use the kitchen inside. Man is a psychopath.

Jordan 0:04:20 Yeah, he is. Oh, I need to take my cleaning product home actually.

William 0:04:23 You do need to take your cleaning product home. Yeah. Multi-usos.

Jordan 0:04:27 Multi-usos.

William 0:04:27 Take that with you, John.

Jordan 0:04:29 I've gotta recommend whilst I'm here. Yeah. The M&S. I'm not just saying it, the M&S multi-surface has gone viral. It smells like you're in a hotel when you spray it.

William 0:04:36 It's meant to clean bacteria.

Jordan 0:04:37 But it's my weekend multi-surface spray.

William 0:04:40 I don't know, come on. You cannot have a weekday and a weekend. Germs are not somehow stronger at the weekends.

Jordan 0:04:46 Well, I know, 'cause it's a posh one, so I have it as a weekend treat. So thank you very much. It's my weekend spray, and then I just use, you know, your Flash or your Method during the week, and I get me nice spray out.

William 0:04:57 Hang on, you're doing— hang on, Method and chemical? I mean, like, are you doing chemical-free or chemical?

Jordan 0:05:02 Oh, you're one of those people, don't mix bleach and Fairy liquid. Shut up, your house isn't going to explode. The mop bucket's not going to go through the ceiling, is it?

William 0:05:09 You might intoxicate yourself.

Jordan 0:05:11 A bit of Fairy, just a bit, and a bit of bleach. Proper cleaner. I learnt that on Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

William 0:05:17 Jordan, we need to move on from this.

Jordan 0:05:21 What with his mum working in the laundrette. So yeah. Do you not have— does anyone else have a— Joe! Joe, put up on socials if anyone else has weekend cleaning products. Stuff they use in the week and stuff they use at the weekend. Thanks.

William 0:05:37 That do the same thing?

Jordan 0:05:39 Yeah.

William 0:05:39 'Cause you might have cleaning products you only touch at the weekend, because you only clean sometimes. I have weekend candles.

Jordan 0:05:44 Do you? Is that just me?

William 0:05:46 You are so special.

Jordan 0:05:49 Thank you. I have candles that are like— the nice candles I light on a weekend, and then the normal, like, everyday ones I light in the week. They're mostly scented ones.

William 0:06:00 Right. What's your favourite scent at the moment? Uh, what's your weekend scent?

Jordan 0:06:04 Oh no, honestly, again, I know I am an ambassador, but the Kelly Hoppen candles at M&S. Kelly Hoppen?

William 0:06:09 No, Kelly Hoppen. Oh, Jesus, so dull.

Jordan 0:06:12 Kelly Hoppen number 4 is Are the best candle, honestly. And I know I'm an ambassador, and I do genuinely love being like working for M&S, but the Kelly Hoppen candles, they're me weekend one.

William 0:06:23 So which one do we get?

Jordan 0:06:24 Number 4. But all of them are good. There's one—

William 0:06:27 You don't want to smell Kelly Hoppen's number 2. At what number did they start numbering those candles?

Jordan 0:06:37 I don't think She has a number 2. I don't know, actually. I didn't think of that. But I have Weekend Candle.

William 0:06:46 Right, good.

Jordan 0:06:47 And Weekend—

Ben 0:06:48 There is a number 2.

William 0:06:50 There is a number 2!

Ben 0:06:51 There is a number 2.

William 0:06:52 Is there a number 1?

Ben 0:06:53 Hi, guys.

Jordan 0:06:54 Hello.

Ben 0:06:54 Hi, Ben.

William 0:06:56 Who is going to go and buy Kelly Hoppen's number 2? I mean, there will be some sick perverts who are going to do that.

Jordan 0:07:00 Honestly, Kelly Hoppen's candles are fantastic. They're so good. Do you have Weekend Flowers?

William 0:07:06 No, because my flowers last throughout the week. They get delivered on a Wednesday and they get changed up on a snake.

Jordan 0:07:11 You're posh.

Ben 0:07:12 Jordan, as an ambassador, have you spoken to Katherine Turner? Yeah. Have you?

Jordan 0:07:18 I met her. I know Katherine. She's ace. She's the one that's viral. Get her on. We can get her on.

Ben 0:07:23 Can we?

Jordan 0:07:24 Yeah, we'll get Katherine on. People are dressing up for us Halloween. Not that she's scary. She's beautiful.

William 0:07:30 Have you seen her, William? What?

Ben 0:07:30 Have you seen Katherine Turner?

William 0:07:32 Kathleen Turner, the actress.

Ben 0:07:34 Katherine Turner.

Jordan 0:07:35 M&S. She does— she's come to Ireland.

Ben 0:07:37 Director of product development, and she's like, hi, let's go into the store and have a look at all the goods.

Jordan 0:07:42 That's a great impression.

William 0:07:43 You can do that impression to her if we have her on.

Jordan 0:07:45 Do you love her as well?

Ben 0:07:46 Look, I was obsessed the moment I saw her.

Jordan 0:07:48 Yeah, I met Cathy. Yeah. Wait till you meet Cass and Shari, Laura. Um, I'm trying— I've got to mention them all now because they're all—

William 0:07:55 Go on, do them all.

Jordan 0:07:56 I'm just making up names now. Alice. Oh, um, they're all lovely.

William 0:08:04 Uh, who's your least favourite?

Jordan 0:08:06 No, um, there's one— they're all nice. All the M&S team are nice. Stuart, obviously the boss. Get them all in there.

Ben 0:08:13 Stuart as in the CEO?

Jordan 0:08:15 Yeah, no, quite. Oh yeah, I mean Stuart like that.

Ben 0:08:19 Wow. Stuart began his career collecting trolleys at a Sainsbury's. That was my first job at Tesco.

William 0:08:26 And look at you now.

Jordan 0:08:27 I used to— my first ever job was—

Ben 0:08:29 CEO of banter.

William 0:08:31 The CBO. Chief Banter Officer.

Jordan 0:08:36 Char, Charlotte. Char. Sorry, Char. Yeah, there's loads. Amr as well. They're all lovely. There we go. That'll get me another year.

William 0:08:45 In Tuesday's episode, Poppy came to us in a time of need, asking for—

Jordan 0:08:51 Honestly, when I get sacked off the radio, I'll be fine. But when I get sacked as an ambassador, I'll be like—

William 0:08:57 No. In Tuesday—

Jordan 0:08:57 I won't be off the radio, 'cause I love that. I don't wanna be— I want all my jobs. There's always Boom Radio.

William 0:09:03 In Tuesday's episode, Poppy came to us in a time of need, asking for help composing a text to her boyfriend, who has a habit of referring to himself as we to make himself feel better. We decided a text probably wasn't the right move for Pops, but we do have a few texts from our G&D-ers that they need our help responding to.

Jordan 0:09:22 Okay.

William 0:09:22 So I'm gonna get out my phone, and we'll take it in turns to dictate to each other. Give us the scenario, and we're going to create the text for the G&Diva to send.

Jordan 0:09:31 Okay.

William 0:09:31 Okay. So, Bethan said, my mother sent me the following text, too busy to keep in touch? Kiss. Wow. After I hadn't texted her in a couple of days because I've been crazy busy with work. How do I reply?

Jordan 0:09:46 Sorry, mad busy, heart emoji, will ring This weekend or tomorrow if you're in. Love you.

William 0:09:56 Jordan's doing some fake thumb texting action. Jordan's doing a thumb war on himself. Yeah. Right. Well, I know this is sort of against the actual—

Ben 0:10:10 Now he's giving Izzy the eye whilst he's doing the thumb war to himself.

Jordan 0:10:16 Oh no, don't. Say that.

William 0:10:18 I don't know what that is. Jordan's just flicking random fingers at me. I know this is slightly against the nature of the whole piece, but I actually wouldn't respond to that with a text.

Jordan 0:10:31 Oh, okay.

William 0:10:32 Don't humour it, because that's really passive-aggressive of Bethan's mother. I can text her back all the time. Yeah, just make it correct. I would say that Bethan would just— when you get in touch, you're busy.

Jordan 0:10:43 You put the assive-aggressive in passive-aggressive. Come on.

William 0:10:47 You just don't engage with that.

Jordan 0:10:50 Okay.

William 0:10:51 You phone at the next opportunity, and if it gets brought up, you can deal with it, but I wouldn't necessarily say anything. Or, I didn't mind Jordan's draft that you did, but I wouldn't start with sorry.

Jordan 0:11:00 Okay.

William 0:11:01 Or say, busy week at work. Hope all is well. I'll call you as soon as I can. I'll call you at the weekend. But I wouldn't feel the need to say sorry. Martha says, please, can you help me write a text to cancel a dinner with a pal? I've got a few ideas. Who I've already cancelled 3 times. I just can't be arsed. I'll take this one.

Jordan 0:11:19 Hey, mate.

William 0:11:21 Hey, mate. Having my 4th COVID jab.

Jordan 0:11:26 Get over that. In a few weeks. Get the fuck— Are you still not over that? 6 years ago, and you're still not over that?

William 0:11:37 Just for newer listeners, we should just reiterate what we're talking about.

Jordan 0:11:39 Oh my god, you do not let anything lie, do you? I might— what happened? I can't even remember, it was that long ago. I cancelled on you. I can't quite remember. I cancelled on you and said I'm having—

William 0:11:49 With a fake, phoney excuse that you could all see through.

Jordan 0:11:53 I said I'm having my COVID jab, and he already knew I'd already had me 2.

William 0:11:57 Yeah, and can you remember what I did the next day that we were having a photoshoot? Ironically, we were having that photoshoot for that poster that we were looking at. We were just looking at a photo before we started recording. We were having that one, and obviously the COVID jab was— made your arm quite sensitive. And I knew which arm you had it in, 'cause it depends if you're left or right-handed. And I can remember coming up to you, whacking you on the arm at the photoshoot, and you did not flinch. I went, that's the proof. But I, you know, that was me being passive-aggressive.

Jordan 0:12:26 And you're clearly over it.

William 0:12:27 I'm so over it. No, I am over it.

Jordan 0:12:29 I'd just say, hey mate, both hands. Let's rearrange.

William 0:12:33 And maybe offer, but can you do next Tuesday?

Jordan 0:12:36 This is why the only time I'd love to have kids You get out of all sorts having kids. Sorry, playing up. Can't get a sitter. Not feeling well. I've not seen him all week. I feel bad if I come. Oh, great excuse having kids.

William 0:12:47 Wendy, not that one.

Jordan 0:12:50 Can I borrow your potato peeler?

William 0:12:51 Says, I've booked a holiday, forgot to tell my boss, and now she wants me in the week I booked off. How the hell do I tell her? Oof.

Jordan 0:12:59 I'll do this. Sorry, can't do next week. Got an operation. Forgot to tell you, it's come up last minute. Send flowers.

William 0:13:07 Hmm.

Ben 0:13:10 Send flowers? You're requesting them to send you flowers? Yeah.

William 0:13:14 Okay, I'm going to go with the premise of the thing. I'm going to draft a text. Hello— but we'll call the boss Stu. Hello, Stu. Hope all is well.

Jordan 0:13:24 But if they're old, they might not be able to read text messages.

William 0:13:27 I'll put it in a big font. Hello, Stu. Just because it's Stu. Hello, Stu. Hope all is well. That week you have requested me in, sadly, I am already—

Jordan 0:13:43 Again, I actually do think this is a phone call.

William 0:13:46 Out of the country on a pre-booked holiday.

Jordan 0:13:52 Oh, you're going to lie and say, I put it through. Did you not get it?

William 0:13:55 Well, I thought I had flagged.

Jordan 0:13:58 Yeah.

William 0:14:00 Apologies if there has been a communication breakdown. What can I do to prepare before I go? What can I do to help you before I go? How's that?

Jordan 0:14:12 Mm-hmm.

William 0:14:13 You agree with that?

Jordan 0:14:14 Yeah.

William 0:14:14 And Dan said, I slept with a guy a few days ago, and he sent me a text saying, hey Tom, had such a fun time last night. My name is Dan. What should I send back?

Jordan 0:14:25 Hey, had a really good night. Would like to see you again soon. Dan. And then they know it. And then when you get married and live happily ever after, that'll be— you'll dine out on that for years. You will dine out on that for years. You know, we shagged and he thought I was called Tom. Oh, you bastard. It'd be great. Not stereotyping. But yeah.

William 0:14:49 Or you could, let's say they're called Steve, you go, I had a really fun time too last night, Mark.

Jordan 0:14:56 No, I would, I just, I'd be like— You're getting confused here. I'd be like, hey, really nice. Hope we can see you again soon, Dan.

William 0:15:04 Hmm.

Jordan 0:15:05 Dan, Dan.

Ben 0:15:06 Hope we can see you again soon.

Jordan 0:15:08 Yeah, the old man in the corner.

William 0:15:10 Marquee, continuing a theme, says—

Jordan 0:15:14 That's a big tent. To do weddings?

William 0:15:19 I was head-to-head with my work colleague.

Jordan 0:15:25 No, no. Not that rude, the kind that they say, I love when Jordan makes a joke, his little proud face. Like a little dog waiting for nod of approval.

William 0:15:36 I was head-to-head with my work colleague for a promotion, and I got it instead of her. Help! How do I tell her? Probably, again, let HR tell her first. But yeah.

Jordan 0:15:49 Yeah, let—

William 0:15:51 But you could then send a text to sort of acknowledge that you're aware of the awkwardness and to get ahead of it.

Jordan 0:15:56 Hey, I believe HR have told you about the job. I really hope this doesn't come between us. For what it's worth, I think you would've been Just as good, if not better.

William 0:16:08 Oh, I think that's being overly nice.

Jordan 0:16:10 But also, I can't turn this down. Need the money. Hope we can still carry on having a great work relationship. Love, Big Tent.

William 0:16:19 Yeah, I would just go, hi, I assume you've already heard the news. No hard feelings. I mean, it's easy for you to say no hard feelings when you're the victor. No hard feelings. I hope to see you around the office.

Jordan 0:16:34 I know loads of people this has happened to. Yeah, it happens. And then when they mess up, or they're a bit shit, you can just—

William 0:16:43 Be like, should have been me.

Jordan 0:16:44 Well, it wouldn't have been me. I wouldn't have done it that way if it was me. Which is fine.

William 0:16:48 Well, yes, there we go. Hopefully, Jack, that was a worthwhile exercise there.

Jordan 0:16:52 That was good.

William 0:16:53 Last month, we went back to school and we answered some Sex Ed-style SATs questions, where we were revealed to be particularly gifted at spelling, Jordan spelt adjective with 2 Ds, for example. This time, producer Ben has put together a set of words for a Sexted-style spelling bee. Oh no. So, we each have our own set of words, and we'll take it in turns to spell them to see who comes out on top as Sexted's best speller. So, Ben, tell us how spelling bee—

Jordan 0:17:23 If I had one arm, you wouldn't have me playing rugby, would you? Would you?

Ben 0:17:28 We said we wanted to do it.

Jordan 0:17:29 Alright. Just saying.

Ben 0:17:32 Do you want to do it? We can back out now.

Jordan 0:17:34 No, I want to. I'll do it. I'll just— you'll be surprised. It's certain words. I can't spell appreciate or—

Ben 0:17:40 Yeah, and we appreciate that. The name Chloe.

Jordan 0:17:43 For Christ's sake, the name Chloe and Naomi I cannot spell.

William 0:17:46 Right. Ben, how is this gonna work?

Ben 0:17:48 You've got 3 words each to spell, and just like in a standard spelling bee, you're allowed to ask for the definition. And for the word to be used in a sentence, if you'd like. Okay. To help you with the meaning. Do we have whiteboards or anything? No, you're going to say it out loud. So in spelling bees, they just say it out loud.

William 0:18:04 So he'll get a word and I'll get— but we're getting different words?

Ben 0:18:07 Yes.

Jordan 0:18:08 Fine. That's how it works. Because obviously if you had the same word, I'd just copy you.

William 0:18:11 Yeah, you wouldn't necessarily still get it right, though.

Jordan 0:18:15 True.

Ben 0:18:17 And before you spell the word, you must repeat it back. For example, if the word was cock, you'd say cock. C-O-C-K. CK.

William 0:18:23 I've never had any trouble with that.

Ben 0:18:24 Well, good, because you're up first. Are you ready?

William 0:18:29 Mm-hmm.

Ben 0:18:30 Okay, William's first word is cunnilingus.

William 0:18:33 Is what? Cunnilingus.

Ben 0:18:35 Cunnilingus.

Jordan 0:18:37 I skipped that.

Ben 0:18:38 Would you like it in a sentence?

William 0:18:39 I'd like you to put— give me cunnilingus, Ben.

Ben 0:18:41 Jordan engaged in cunnilingus as part of his intimate foreplay.

William 0:18:45 Cunnilingus. C-U-N-N-I-L-I-N-G-U-S.

Ben 0:18:58 N-I-L-I-N-G-U-S. You missed out an N.

Jordan 0:18:59 I knew it was 2 Ns. I would've got that right.

Ben 0:19:02 Jordan knew it was 2 Ns.

Jordan 0:19:03 I would've got that right.

Ben 0:19:04 Jordan, are you ready for your first word? Yes, please. Jordan's first word is…

Jordan 0:19:09 No! That was good. Go on.

Ben 0:19:31 Jordan's first word.

Jordan 0:19:33 Yeah.

Ben 0:19:33 Flaccid. Oh. Would you like it in a sentence?

Jordan 0:19:37 Yes, please.

Ben 0:19:39 I can't read this.

Jordan 0:19:41 Go on.

Ben 0:19:44 I don't think you've— also, I've not written this, and Emeratus is spelt wrong in the sentence, which is very—

William 0:19:51 Emeritus.

Ben 0:19:52 Emeritus. I can't even say it properly because it's not written right. Chairman Emeritus Stu went flaccid when he saw the latest Capital Rayjars. Doesn't even make sense.

Jordan 0:20:02 Fucking hell! Rayjars are—

Ben 0:20:06 Rayjars are the way that people monitor the listening figures of radio.

Jordan 0:20:09 Listening figures radio. Flaccid. F-L-A-C-I-D.

Ben 0:20:17 Flaccid. Once again, you're missing— you've missed out the double letter. You've both tripped up on— it's F-L-A-C-C-I-D.

Jordan 0:20:25 2 Cs in flaccid. You're not allowed to write them down.

William 0:20:28 I'm writing your words down, so I think I'm allowed to do that. All right.

Jordan 0:20:32 Okay. Next up, willy.

William 0:20:33 W-I-L-L-Y.

Jordan 0:20:38 Come on.

Ben 0:20:38 William's second word is nymphomaniac.

William 0:20:40 Oh, for fuck's sake.

Ben 0:20:42 Which is a person with an unusually strong or constant desire for sex.

Jordan 0:20:46 Is that what that is?

William 0:20:50 Nymphomaniac. N-Y-M-P-H-O-M-A-N-I-A-C. No, AC.

Jordan 0:21:04 Oh, I would've got that again.

Ben 0:21:07 I'm giving you that. You got that right. What do you mean?

Jordan 0:21:10 He got it. He got it! You can't give it him.

Ben 0:21:13 He nearly got it. He corrected himself at the end. Oh, okay. I'm allowing a correction.

Jordan 0:21:17 Nymphomaniac.

Ben 0:21:18 That was a quick enough correction.

William 0:21:20 Thank you.

Ben 0:21:20 Jordan, the second word is clitoris.

Jordan 0:21:23 Can I have that in a sentence, please?

Ben 0:21:27 This is bad. We can't be doing—

Jordan 0:21:30 we're nearly 40. We can't be doing this. This is bad. Come.

Ben 0:21:33 No, just what I'm about to read is bad. Jump Cut Jack had absolutely no idea where to find the clitoris.

Jordan 0:21:40 Who wrote these?

Ben 0:21:42 Despite being remarkably confident about everything else. Gen Z Izzy has written these.

Jordan 0:21:47 Gen Z Izzy wrote these. This is brilliant. Right. Clit— Yeah, Jack, not me. Clitoris. Clitoris.

Ben 0:21:55 And are you aware of the definition?

Jordan 0:21:57 Yeah.

Ben 0:21:58 Yeah.

Jordan 0:22:02 C-L-I-T.

William 0:22:02 Mm-hmm.

Jordan 0:22:03 Clitor— O-R-I-S. Clitoris.

William 0:22:11 What? Say it again.

Jordan 0:22:15 C-L-I-T. O-R-I-S. It might be—

Speaker F 0:22:23 Yay!

Jordan 0:22:23 Yay! Go on! Never had trouble with that.

William 0:22:28 You've never taken so long on it.

Ben 0:22:29 Okay, William, your 3rd and final word. We are at 1-1 going into the final round.

William 0:22:37 Okay.

Ben 0:22:38 William's 3rd word. Dyspareunia.

William 0:22:41 What?

Jordan 0:22:43 Played up front for… Stoke, I think.

William 0:22:46 Could you put that in a sentence, please?

Ben 0:22:49 After one particularly disastrous date with Kat, producer Ben was diagnosed with dyspareunia. Dyspareunia. Which then, reading the definition, Is a pain that occurs during sexual intercourse, basically when a vagina is throbbing from a cocking. So I don't know if that's saying that I've got a vagina, or it's just used in the completely wrong context.

Jordan 0:23:09 Why did you leave Izzy to write this?

Ben 0:23:11 This is falling apart at the seams.

Jordan 0:23:14 Except the fact that she yet said using a cock.

William 0:23:16 Dyspareunia.

Jordan 0:23:18 So is it basically your fanny hurts after sex? Yeah.

William 0:23:21 I can't work out if it's D-I or D-Y.

Jordan 0:23:23 Dysaprunea.

William 0:23:25 Can you say it again? You're not—

Jordan 0:23:27 Can't you just call it fannythrob?

Ben 0:23:28 Dyspareunia.

Jordan 0:23:30 I can spell fannythrob.

William 0:23:32 D— I'm gonna go D-I-S. No, dys— 'Cause it's like dysfunction. D-Y, dys—

Jordan 0:23:38 Don't look at him for answers. Keep looking at me.

William 0:23:41 Dyspareunia. D-Y-S-P— Is it E or U? P-U-R— Disparounia? I don't know.

Ben 0:23:57 I'm afraid it's not the right answer.

William 0:23:59 No. How do you spell it?

Ben 0:24:01 D-Y-S-P-A-R-E-U-N-I-A.

William 0:24:04 Wow.

Jordan 0:24:05 Disparounia.

William 0:24:06 Disparounia. It's an everyday word in East London.

Ben 0:24:10 Okay. Jordan's 3rd and final word. Are you ready? Mm-hmm. Titillation.

Jordan 0:24:16 Can I have that in a sentence, please?

Ben 0:24:20 William said he was only popping round for a cup of tea, but judging by the state of the bedroom, there'd been a fair bit of titillation before the kettle went on.

Jordan 0:24:28 Titillation. So, what's that? Sex?

Ben 0:24:31 The act of exciting or stimulating someone, especially sexually.

Jordan 0:24:34 Titillation.

Ben 0:24:36 Basically, giving someone just enough temptation to get their attention without necessarily giving them the full experience.

William 0:24:41 And you've got to do it looking at me.

Jordan 0:24:43 Titillation. Tit— Is it titulation or titillation? Titillation. T-I-T-A-L— is it a U? Titillation. U-T-I-O-N.

Ben 0:24:58 No.

Jordan 0:24:58 Is it T-I-O-N?

Ben 0:24:59 It's a double L.

Jordan 0:25:00 Oh, fff.

Ben 0:25:01 And it's an A-T-I-O-N.

Jordan 0:25:03 Titillation.

Ben 0:25:05 1-1.

William 0:25:06 1-1. So it's a tie. It's a tie. Yay! That's nice and fair. They were very hard. I thought they were going to be more everyday words, not—

Ben 0:25:15 Well, it has to be a challenge.

William 0:25:17 Well, yeah, but not dyspraxia.

Ben 0:25:19 Okay, I've got William's 4th word.

Jordan 0:25:21 Tiebreaker.

Ben 0:25:21 Dog.

Jordan 0:25:22 D-O-G.

Ben 0:25:23 D-O-G?

Jordan 0:25:25 That's 5.

Ben 0:25:27 Which letter did you just say?

Jordan 0:25:29 G. I do always get mixed up with Gs and Js. D-O-G.

William 0:25:33 Gordon.

Jordan 0:25:34 There you go. Tiebreaker. Right, let's go to a break. Woof, woof. We'll do more of your correspondence and responses next.

William 0:28:49 Welcome back, GNDivers. Apologies for how terrible we were at that. This first response comes from Harrison, who's dropped us a comment calling out Jordan's hangover chat. Can you do the maths on how many top 5 hangovers Jordan has had over the last few years? I'm sure there are at least 20.

Jordan 0:29:10 That was in the top 10. That was rough that day. Which one? That one when— a few weeks ago. It was actually, yeah, when we came back in September.

William 0:29:18 Right.

Jordan 0:29:19 Yeah.

William 0:29:19 But I guess a top 5 can always change as you go throughout your life. You know, ones can drop off, drop down, and, you know, can replace others.

Jordan 0:29:25 That was— that was a—

William 0:29:28 yeah. Well, the good news is, the team have done some—

Jordan 0:29:30 Got kicked out of a club that night.

William 0:29:32 The team—

Jordan 0:29:33 Well, not kicked out. I was just—

William 0:29:35 You were there at closing time.

Jordan 0:29:36 Yeah.

William 0:29:36 Yeah. The team has done some digging through the past few years of Sexted, and we've got the stats. Jordan has mentioned a top 5 hangover or a near miss in 7 episodes. 2 hangovers are repeat offenders: the Leeds tour show, where Jordan walked on stage and said, hello Sheffield, and a night out in Leeds in 2009.

Jordan 0:29:55 Oh god, that were rough.

William 0:29:57 The only time you name a new entry is the Kennington night out in August '25.

Jordan 0:30:02 Kennington?

William 0:30:03 Yep. William even asked—

Jordan 0:30:05 Kennington? Where's Kennington?

William 0:30:06 Oval. That area, south of the river.

Jordan 0:30:10 Oh, must have been a bit of a party or something.

William 0:30:13 William even asks if you actually keep a list, to which Jordan says he'll write one and post it. Of course, he never did. So Harrison, we can confirm there have been 7.

Jordan 0:30:23 Alright, Harrison, you grass.

William 0:30:25 So Jordan, shall we put this to the test once and for all? We're all desperate to know. What are your top 5 hangovers?

Jordan 0:30:30 Right, so—

William 0:30:31 I'll write it down. Pass me a pen.

Jordan 0:30:33 Okay. Alright, I'll write it down. I'll take notes. Okay. I can't remember 'em now.

William 0:30:36 Just list them, and then you can order them. So, there's Leeds.

Jordan 0:30:41 After, uh, night out in September.

William 0:30:45 Mm-hmm.

Jordan 0:30:46 There's one after we beat Blackburn first time. Oh, rough. 4 is Leeds 2009, and then 5 was— oh, whose wedding was it? It was a wedding.

William 0:31:05 Right, so here's, here's the top 10—

Jordan 0:31:07 top 5, sorry. Leeds is number— right, number 5 was whose wedding was it? Pilkey's wedding, January, but that might have been COVID, but at the time we didn't know what COVID was.

William 0:31:17 We'll put it down to whatever.

Jordan 0:31:19 4, Leeds 2009, fell over, scraped my face on pavement. 3, uh, when we beat Blackburn first time, uh, at Ewood Park. I'd not eaten all day and I've been— I think I were on piss. I'm not even bright. I think I were on piss for about 14 hours, maybe longer, maybe even longer. That were rough. And, and, uh, Guinness too. Uh, no, I'm gonna put that at number— Leeds. So I'm gonna put after a night out in September when I did that show.

William 0:31:55 Yeah.

Jordan 0:31:55 A couple of weeks ago. Then I'll put Leeds 2009 up to second and then Leeds When we did the show. Hello Sheffield.

William 0:32:01 Hello Sheffield.

Jordan 0:32:02 Our rough that day.

William 0:32:02 Well, there we go. We now have it.

Jordan 0:32:04 Yeah.

William 0:32:05 Into the canon.

Jordan 0:32:06 That was after we'd been to Dublin, weren't it, that night? Oh, Dublin would be up there.

William 0:32:11 No, you had done, you had gone to some party or stag thing.

Jordan 0:32:14 Yeah, been at a stag do. Dublin. Oh, Dublin as well. Actually, I'll replace Dublin for the wedding.

William 0:32:22 Okay.

Jordan 0:32:22 That were rough. When we'd been on the piss all day in Dublin.

Ben 0:32:26 One of my worst ones was day after Junk Cut Jack's wedding. I was in bits.

Jordan 0:32:31 Were you?

Ben 0:32:32 Yeah, I didn't think I was gonna be able to get home.

Jordan 0:32:34 Really?

Ben 0:32:36 Yeah.

Jordan 0:32:36 Yeah, it's not worth it. I like a night— I like, don't get me wrong, I do like a nice Sunday hangover where it's like a, a coffee and a Lucozade and an Alka-Seltzer can kick it, and then going for a couple of beers. I like that little murmur one, but not one where you're hanging. You— it's usually when you've got to travel back It's usually when you're on a train.

William 0:32:58 Oh, would that make it worse? The motion?

Jordan 0:33:00 Yeah. Or actually, a couple of DJ gigs. Travelling back. Newcastle, when there were no chairs that time.

William 0:33:09 Right, yes.

Jordan 0:33:10 And we were on vodkas. Wow, rough then. I'm like an old manic corner, aren't I, at a pub, just wittering on.

William 0:33:17 Emma has an etymology request for me. Hello, this is a formal request for an etymology on the manners of slurping. Having recently been on a trip to Japan and Korea, I was upset by the number of people slurping their ramen.

Jordan 0:33:29 Do they slurp, the Japanese? They do.

William 0:33:31 I'd like to know, why do they slurp, and is it the correct thing to do while in Asia? And C, should you be arrested for slurping in the UK? Thanks from a gal who gets upset when my mother slurps her tea. Emma. Well, I will look into this for you, Emma. But I can answer C now. Yes, in Western dining, we don't slurp. So if you slurp tea, soup, spaghetti, anything like that in the West, that is wrong.

Jordan 0:33:50 I don't slurp coffee, but I do slurp tea.

William 0:33:53 Well, could you stop?

Jordan 0:33:54 Why is that? There's something about slurping those first few sips of tea.

William 0:33:59 Well, I— so in Asia—

Jordan 0:34:01 I don't slurp me coffee. It's one of life's mysteries.

William 0:34:05 Well, in Asia, I would— from what I'm aware, and I'm going to research this properly, it's certainly— and not in all of Asia, in parts of Asia, the slurping is thought to be oxygenized by taking in oxygen with the noodle, for example, with the ramen, or if you're having noodles, It's supposed to heighten the flavour of the noodle or the ramen, etc., and so that's why they might do it in certain parts of Asia, I believe. But I am going to check that in a few weeks. I'll come back to you. Okay, please, team, remind me, but I will be doing that.

Jordan 0:34:34 Okay.

William 0:34:34 Yeah, Daisy has come up with the perfect solution to your pantry moth problem. Dearest William Jordan and the wonderful Saxon team—

Jordan 0:34:41 They're big bastards now. One was like a zeppelin the other day.

William 0:34:43 You mean you haven't done anything about them?

Jordan 0:34:45 No, it's fucking buzzing around. I think Connor, like, come near me, I'll fucking nut you.

William 0:34:49 I discovered your podcast this year during a very difficult time, and I know I speak for many when I say you've been a real ray of light. Many a sleepless night has been chuckled away whilst crocheting, and many a blue day spent polishing a sink while snorting with laughter. So gentlemen, I bring you the definitive solution to moths: microscopic wasps. Growing up in a large, beautiful, but completely dilapidated house, I'm no stranger to pests. My grandmother tried everything from lavender to tea tree oil to waving a red cashmere sock out for clothes moths. I can confirm she was essentially just maintaining a large flock of pet moths. Then I discovered microscopic wasps. They are invisible, odourless, harmless to humans, and essentially act as tiny security guards for your granola and opera capes. They simply leave once the job is done. I've never been a fan of mothballs, so I'm fairly team microscopic wasp.

Jordan 0:35:39 What are these?

William 0:35:40 What is it?

Jordan 0:35:40 Like getting a cat for mice.

William 0:35:43 Mike— My grandmother Annie passed away earlier this year, and I'm devastated she never discovered your podcast because she would have been an ardent G&Diva. She once recovered from a heart attack at 99 and immediately asked for a G&T. She entertained kleptomaniac royalty, attended Charles's garden party straight from the allotment, and lived to 100, receiving a telegram from the King. She had an incredible sense of etiquette, even if it was completely insane. I miss her greatly, but discovering Sex Ed has given me another source of weird, wonderful stories and etiquette rules I'll never understand.

Jordan 0:36:10 She sounds wonderful.

William 0:36:11 Thank you for everything, and please look into the wasps. Yours in diva, Daisy. Daisy, that's lovely. I still don't get how microscopic wasps work. Have we got some research on this?

Jordan 0:36:20 Why are you all tapping on your laptops?

William 0:36:22 Where'd you buy microscopic wasps from?

Ben 0:36:25 Just dragonfly.co.uk.

William 0:36:28 Oh, there we go. There's a free ad for them. Do they have them in the Everything Store?

Jordan 0:36:31 I'll ask. He will. Yeah. He's had everything. And so what, do you release them? I mean— Honestly, I'll go in the Everything Store near me and he'll have microscopic wasps. And if not, he'll say, I've got 2 in the window. Hey!

William 0:36:42 Well, we'll look into it.

Jordan 0:36:43 Is it like those incest sticks, whatever they're called?

William 0:36:46 Josticks. Yeah.

Jordan 0:36:48 Incense, not incest sticks.

William 0:36:49 No, we don't want incest. Keely wants— Did I—

Jordan 0:36:53 did you ever hear what happened on Capitol?

William 0:36:55 How have we gone from incest to Capitol?

Jordan 0:36:58 Because I was meant to say Insect Day.

William 0:36:59 Oh.

Jordan 0:37:00 I went, kids love Insect Day at school.

William 0:37:02 Shit.

Jordan 0:37:03 I know. So mop over that one. That was on air, that. September. I went, oh, most kids' back. Some have got an incest day. Kids love that. It's an inset day. Anyway.

William 0:37:17 And finally, Keeley wants to know how Jordan's feeling after having his crown stolen by Burnley's newest treasures. We've got a clip, I believe. Evening. I'm just wondering how Jordan is feeling having his Burnley's Sweetheart crown stolen by Donya and Gigi. Oh yes, I see them on my TikTok.

Jordan 0:37:34 Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

William 0:37:36 Love you, bye.

Jordan 0:37:36 Uh, uh, is this— are these the 2 girls from the ice cream? No.

William 0:37:44 Well, let's have a look at the clip.

Speaker G 0:37:45 We've just come to the Annie Salon. We're gonna get our hair done. We're gonna get our hair braided, just like we do when we're on holiday in Egypt.

Speaker H 0:37:56 We're gonna add some colour, and we can't wait to see what it looks like.

Speaker G 0:37:59 Here's Gigi getting her hair done.

Speaker H 0:38:02 I can't wait to see the finished result.

Speaker G 0:38:03 You look lovely, Gigi.

Speaker H 0:38:05 Thank you.

Speaker G 0:38:06 So the back is done and now she's just going to start with the front of it.

Speaker H 0:38:10 It's looking beautiful, that, on you.

Speaker G 0:38:12 Thank you. This is our absolutely beautiful hair. Give a twirl, Gigi. I love it.

Jordan 0:38:21 They're great. I have seen clips of them. I wasn't aware they're from Burnley.

William 0:38:26 No, they're from Burnley. Well, there you go.

Jordan 0:38:27 Oh, it's a beautiful accent, that, innit?

William 0:38:29 Oh, it's— It is.

Jordan 0:38:32 Makes me want to cry.

William 0:38:33 Do you know what we should do? We should do people from Burnley, Jordan, Jonny, and Gigi, reading Shakespeare. I'd like that.

Jordan 0:38:41 We could do that in a bonus.

William 0:38:42 Yeah. We could do A Midsummer Night's Dream. We could take it in turns. I'll be Oberon, King of the Fairies. You can be Bottom. It's one of the characters. Should we go to comment of the week?

Jordan 0:38:57 Did I hear a little titter from Stu there? It's not a laugh, is it? Alrighty, let's finish with our comment of the week. This can be a comment from Spotify, YouTube, or any of our socials, and Patreon as well. Yes.

William 0:39:12 The honourable mentions go to Torser, who on YouTube responded to my claim that The I've only just seen this chat was codswallop. I have to disagree with William. I have my phone on do not disturb and don't get notifications. So, when I get around to replying to someone, I generally have only just seen it. Mike W LGBTQ on YouTube said, I don't know if this has been mentioned before or if it's just me, but is Ben's new look reminding me of Lewis Goodall from the newsagents? Oh yeah.

Jordan 0:39:39 He's had a glow-up lately as well, old Lewis.

Ben 0:39:42 Thank you.

Jordan 0:39:42 I say old, I think he's younger than me.

William 0:39:44 Yeah.

Ben 0:39:44 I'll take that as a compliment.

William 0:39:45 Yeah. But our comment of the week goes to Mycen325 on our à la mode social clip, saying, I order pie pas à la mode, but I really use the more sophisticated phrase, hold the ice cream.

Jordan 0:39:59 Pas à la mode?

William 0:40:01 Yeah.

Jordan 0:40:02 Oh, okay.

William 0:40:02 Which is very nice.

Jordan 0:40:04 Do you think à la mode should be—

William 0:40:05 I think it's nice. Bring it back. Or bring it over here. It's over in America.

Jordan 0:40:10 Okay, if you want to get in touch about something that isn't a dilemma or a problem, drop into our DMs or send us an email to help@sexandmyboss.com. And if 2 episodes a week of Sex Ed isn't enough for you, then why not check out our Patreon channel, Help I Sexed My Boss Out of Office? Ooh. That's already got boring, hasn't it?

William 0:40:27 Not the Patreon channel, just the oohing.

Jordan 0:40:29 The oohing. For ad-free listening on there and an extra brand new episode every Wednesday. We also love hearing back from people. We have advice too. So if that's you, get back in touch.

William 0:40:37 We'll see you on Tuesday.