Help I Hooked Up With Her Dad | And Halloween Dress Codes

Jordan 0:01:41 Hello and welcome to Help, I Sexted My Boss, the podcast where we help you navigate the challenges of modern life. answering your 21st century questions and finding solutions to everyday dilemmas. Like, how do you cope when your favourite TV show has the worst ending imaginable?

William 0:02:05 I mean, it was not our favourite TV show. I mean, we enjoyed it. It wasn't our favourite television show.

Jordan 0:02:12 We're talking about The Shards. It was really good. Or, how do you exit a room when you find out your one-night stand has invited an old man to watch?

William 0:02:22 So Stuart, would you just mind stepping out?

Jordan 0:02:25 And what should you do if you've accidentally sexted your boss? But we're not your usual agony aunt, are we, William Hanson, the UK's leading etiquette expert?

William 0:02:34 No, we're not, Jordan North. I'm more digestif. You're more digestive problems. That's from Sarah.

Jordan 0:02:39 I mean, nail on the head. Ooh,

William 0:02:41 are you— have you got some gastroenteritis problems?

Jordan 0:02:44 I had a curry the other night.

William 0:02:47 What did you order?

Jordan 0:02:48 and it kept me up. To be fair, it was 3 days after I ordered it.

William 0:02:52 What? Well, you ate it 3 days after you ordered it.

Jordan 0:02:54 Because I had some leftovers. Um, I always order the same, uh, saag aloo— no, paneer, saag paneer.

William 0:03:02 Yeah, nice.

Jordan 0:03:03 Chicken tikka masala. Yeah. Beef madras— no, lamb madras. And got another chicken one. Rice, didn't do chips. Garlic naan, plain naan. And there was another one I got.

William 0:03:14 Gosh, pull that ripcord.

Jordan 0:03:15 You don't care. Yeah. And then, but then I had corned beef hash. Oh, William's asked. Go on, give us a big honest spin. Keep going, keep going. Um, all right, that'll do. Um, I made Corned Beef Hash on Sunday night. I'll show a picture. It was a little overdone for my liking.

William 0:03:31 Okay,

Jordan 0:03:32 uh,

William 0:03:33 how do you— how can you overdo Corned Beef Hash?

Jordan 0:03:34 Kept me up all night, honestly. It laid heavy on me for 2 days.

William 0:03:38 Okay.

Jordan 0:03:39 I need to get back up north. Jordan's south there struggling with Corned Beef Hash.

William 0:03:44 Now,

Jordan 0:03:44 I'll be honest, I'll show you a picture of it.

William 0:03:46 I'm pouring the Gin& Dubonnet. This is literally the last of the Dubonnet, and—

Jordan 0:03:51 Ever?

William 0:03:51 Well, potentially. I mean, there's that much left now in the bottle, literally half an inch. And this had to be rummaged around from somewhere in the studio. And I did say to Ben, no D, no me, if we're not doing this episode. Uh-oh.

Ben 0:04:04 Hi, guys.

William 0:04:05 Hello, Ben.

Jordan 0:04:05 Hi, Ben. Looks just a tad overdone. It was a— yeah.

William 0:04:09 Were you hosting?

Jordan 0:04:10 No, the 3rd plate's for I prefer plates for leftovers.

Ben 0:04:14 What?

William 0:04:15 What? You don't keep it in the pan?

Jordan 0:04:16 No, you put it in the plate and then you can put the plate in the fridge. Don't put the pan in the fridge, do I?

William 0:04:21 Oh, I see. Or Tupperware? Do you cover— oh, do you cover that plate though when it goes into the fridge?

Jordan 0:04:25 Yeah, with your Wrapmaster 3000.

William 0:04:27 Oh good, you are using it.

Ben 0:04:28 You use that?

Jordan 0:04:29 I absolutely— do you know what? I'm back in love with it now. I haven't

Ben 0:04:32 used mine.

Jordan 0:04:33 I just didn't want to give him the pleasure of knowing. For about 18 months I've been way into it, but I just didn't want to give him the pleasure.

William 0:04:39 It changes your life. And then I refuse to use cling film in anyone else's house. unless they have a rat master.

Jordan 0:04:44 Yeah,

William 0:04:45 they make very good gifts, everyone. Anyway, this week's toast goes out to Glenn via Brenton, who messaged in to say, I'd love to send a toast to my friend Glenn, who's binge listening to you guys while recovering from open-heart surgery. He went through it with amazing courage, strength, and humour. No U, so I'm suspecting they're American. Please don't be too funny, he'll pop a stitch. Won't be a problem.

Jordan 0:05:06 That'll be all right.

William 0:05:07 Yeah,

Jordan 0:05:08 I'm during— I'm during holiday, so It's fine.

William 0:05:11 Thank you, Brenton. So, Glenn, this is to you.

Jordan 0:05:15 Glenton.

William 0:05:16 No. Glenn from Brenton. Not Glenton. That's if they've, you know—

Jordan 0:05:22 Who's Brenton? Is he our friend?

William 0:05:23 Brenton's the friend. Glenn's the one who's had his chest cut open.

Jordan 0:05:26 Oh, so he's not in a place called Brenton?

William 0:05:28 No. Well, no, it sounds— it does sound like a town, but in America they have funny names.

Jordan 0:05:33 Also, just going back to that Digestive.

William 0:05:35 Oh,

Jordan 0:05:35 it's not the biscuit. I was going to say I had one the other day. Worst biscuits ever digested.

William 0:05:40 They're boring.

Jordan 0:05:41 They're just like cardboard.

William 0:05:42 What's the point?

Jordan 0:05:43 Like the chocolate ones, love. Even a plain Hobnob, love. Don't have to be a chocolate Hobnob, but that's just—

William 0:05:48 Was it you that was asking me the other day how to eat your chocolate Hobnob, biscuit side up or chocolate side up?

Jordan 0:05:53 Definitely wasn't me. I have more chat than that. Might have been me.

William 0:05:58 I thought that's what you do on radio.

Jordan 0:06:00 What?

William 0:06:01 Biscuit chat.

Jordan 0:06:02 No, we don't.

Ben 0:06:03 Which way up do you eat your biscuits?

William 0:06:05 Phoned in on BBC Radio Shop Show.

Jordan 0:06:07 Do you know what? That's a good idea, actually. Let me write that one down. How's your week been? How's LA?

William 0:06:12 Well—

Jordan 0:06:12 How were the burgers and lettuce? Didn't you have burger lettuces and sushi and stuff?

William 0:06:18 Well, I'll come on to what I ate. Let's talk first about Wisteria Lane. Did I go down it? The 4th time attempting to go down Wisteria Lane on the Universal Studios Backlot Tour.

Jordan 0:06:30 Which one was Wisteria Lane again?

William 0:06:31 Desperate Housewives.

Jordan 0:06:32 Desperate Housewives, yeah.

William 0:06:33 So it's technically, it's a house, it's just a generic street that they had to replicate American houses that they then took over for Desperate Housewives. Uh, it's called Colonial Street, is the official name of the street. Uh, did I go down Wisteria Lane? No.

Jordan 0:06:47 Oh,

William 0:06:47 4th effing time.

Jordan 0:06:50 Why?

William 0:06:51 I was livid.

Jordan 0:06:53 Why?

William 0:06:53 Because they were setting up, because they're using the street for something called The Burbs, which is a show I will not be watching.

Jordan 0:07:00 So you've still not been down there?

William 0:07:02 Still not down there. I have sat through that King Kong simulator numerous times. I've done the fake Jaws thing.

Jordan 0:07:08 Anyone that's done it— You could start a clone of it like that. What? The King Kong simulator. Oh no, the stimulator, innit?

William 0:07:14 Yeah.

Jordan 0:07:16 Oof, that'd be a good one, wouldn't it?

William 0:07:18 Yeah. So—

Ben 0:07:19 King Kong stimulator.

William 0:07:20 Don't type that in on a work laptop. Yeah, I was not very happy.

Jordan 0:07:26 But other than that, how was the trip?

William 0:07:28 Other than that, LA was lovely. The weather was a bit dodgy to begin with. It wasn't very LA, but it was glorious on the day we left.

Jordan 0:07:34 Do you know they have the same climate as Spain?

William 0:07:36 Do they? You'd like LA. You haven't done LA, have you?

Jordan 0:07:40 It's a similar climate. There's similar summers, similar winters.

William 0:07:43 Okay.

Jordan 0:07:44 Yeah, I've never been to LA.

William 0:07:45 No. I mean, it's slightly soulless. It's a little bit like Milton Keynes with sunshine.

Jordan 0:07:48 Oh, okay.

William 0:07:50 I know people are very defensive of Milton Keynes, normally people who live in Milton Keynes, but it's sort of like Milton Keynes in the sun. It's prettier than Milton Keynes because you've got the hills and various different terrains, and you've got Malibu and Santa Monica, which is gorgeous. My new favourite thing, and you probably— I think we've talked about this before years ago, but I've now done them. In fact, I refuse to get in anything other than one of these: driverless cars.

Jordan 0:08:17 No! Have you been in one?

William 0:08:20 Have I been in one? I must have been in 20.

Jordan 0:08:22 Oh no! Oh, I wouldn't. Also, think of the people that's putting out work.

William 0:08:27 Well, I'll be honest, I came back from LA and I went to go and interview Julian Clary. It went very well. at Wimbledon Book Festival, and I was driving back in an Uber and on the phone to my parents just to catch up with them. And I was like, well, driverless cars, they're the way forward, they're fantastic. And then I realised that the Uber driver was listening, and I felt terrible. I tipped him very handsomely at the end just to make up for it.

Jordan 0:08:49 Good.

William 0:08:49 But no, they're great, very safe. I didn't feel, you know, weirded out at any point. It connects to your Spotify immediately, so your music starts playing. Literally, you get into it, In the Navy started playing immediately. It's fab. And I did a whole journey from—

Jordan 0:09:06 How did it know you was gay?

William 0:09:07 No, 'cause that is my Spotify.

Jordan 0:09:09 Oh, right.

William 0:09:10 Yeah, I just listen to it generally.

Jordan 0:09:12 Oh, right. What I was gonna say, it's quite offensive, innit?

William 0:09:16 Well, it's West Hollywood, darling.

Jordan 0:09:17 So, as soon as you got in, it just went, dum dum dum, In the Navy.

William 0:09:20 In the Navy. It's great. Donna Summer, all the hits. I did a whole journey from West Hollywood to downtown LA, 40-minute journey. How much do you think it cost me?

Jordan 0:09:30 $30? Lower. Shut up.

William 0:09:34 $15.

Jordan 0:09:35 $15?

William 0:09:36 $15. I felt so— And then on the one occasion, we had to go and film at a hotel which was in the Hollywood Hills, so the cars can't go up the hills properly yet, so you can't— you couldn't take a Waymo, as the name of the company is. And I was quite cross about that. And we get in the Uber and he's breaking the speed limit, lurching on the brake. I felt so ill. Whereas a Waymo will just do the speed limit if it can. It's got cameras all around it. It's looking everywhere. It's got a better field of vision than a human. Great. I wouldn't want to do it on a motorway or a highway, but yeah.

Jordan 0:10:13 I wouldn't want to do it, full stop.

William 0:10:14 No, you see, I know what you're like. In a year or two, you'll go in one.

Jordan 0:10:19 No.

William 0:10:20 And then you'll be sitting here and you'll be going, I tell you what, fantastic.

Jordan 0:10:24 No, I've just got used to a Rapmaster for £3,000, so getting used to a drive now, I won't do it. I won't be able to trust it.

Ben 0:10:31 You can't chat to the— to a robot either.

Jordan 0:10:34 Yeah, no, it's sometimes nice to chat to the Uber drivers.

William 0:10:37 Yeah. Oh, no, no, no. And you, yes, obviously you miss that personal connection. You could press the support button and chat to them.

Jordan 0:10:43 Shaun, who picks me up every morning, takes me to Capital. Like, we— I feel like I should be paying him as my psychiatrist.

William 0:10:50 Oh, really?

Jordan 0:10:51 The stuff we talk about every morning.

William 0:10:53 He needs danger money.

Jordan 0:10:54 Yeah, definitely. And some mornings he knows I'm tired, he just leaves me to it and puts the radio on.

William 0:10:58 How long's your journey in?

Jordan 0:10:59 20 minutes.

William 0:11:01 Okay.

Jordan 0:11:01 Yeah.

William 0:11:02 Well.

Jordan 0:11:03 There you go.

William 0:11:03 Well, anyway, driverless taxis, it's the way forward. I'm all for it.

Jordan 0:11:08 Oh, okay.

William 0:11:08 Yeah. I've got lots of other stories from LA. What's that? I'll do— no, I'll do some of them next week, maybe.

Jordan 0:11:13 No, don't string them out.

William 0:11:14 No, because I don't want to bang on and on.

Jordan 0:11:15 No one's bothered, so tell them now.

William 0:11:19 No, what's going on in your life?

Jordan 0:11:20 Well, whilst you've been in LA.

William 0:11:21 Yes.

Jordan 0:11:22 I have had something introduced to me in my life that I wish I did years ago, and I cannot recommend this enough.

William 0:11:28 Shave?

Jordan 0:11:29 Right. No, again.

William 0:11:30 Wash?

Jordan 0:11:31 No, maybe I am a bit behind when it comes to technology. I've just got for my telly.

William 0:11:36 Yeah.

Jordan 0:11:36 What they call a soundbar.

William 0:11:39 Oh my God.

Jordan 0:11:41 Right. No, seriously.

William 0:11:43 Can you now hear speech really clearly?

Jordan 0:11:44 So there's a setting on it where you can For advanced dialogue. For the old deaf ear, I'm fucking screw you. Yeah, it's amazing, right?

William 0:11:54 There you go.

Jordan 0:11:55 Honestly, I'm watching telly, phone rings, and I'm going, phone! Fuck, we don't even have a house phone. Phone! It were on the telly.

William 0:12:03 So previously, without the soundbar, you would just—

Jordan 0:12:06 It's like, it's amazing. Helicopter went past, I'm looking out the window. Honestly, I'm only watching Emmerdale. It's— I cannot tell you how much of a life changer it is.

William 0:12:19 They are very good.

Jordan 0:12:19 I've never had one before!

William 0:12:21 'Cause most flat-screen TVs, if you think about it, where are the speakers?

Jordan 0:12:23 Yeah!

William 0:12:24 They're tiny.

Jordan 0:12:25 So, I'll give you an example. It's like, hmm, yeah, no, yeah, yeah, we should go down there, definitely. And then soundbar, it's like, let's do it.

William 0:12:34 Let's go down there. Completely different dialogue.

Jordan 0:12:36 And kick some ass.

William 0:12:38 Okay.

Jordan 0:12:43 Honestly.

William 0:12:44 That's Antiques Roadshow.

Jordan 0:12:45 I'm a nervous wreck, by the end of watching Corrie. It's all sorts. It's— it's— I cannot— I've never had one. Why did no one ever tell me to get one?

William 0:12:52 Well, they might have done. You might just probably didn't hear it.

Jordan 0:12:54 Got it on, uh, what's it— I got it on a sale, was it? Yeah, I got it on the Amazon sale.

William 0:12:58 You could have waited for Black Friday.

Jordan 0:13:00 No, I got it on the Amazon sale.

William 0:13:01 Go and get one for all your other TVs.

Jordan 0:13:03 Oh, watching footy in it. Honestly, I'm there next to Arteta, arms crossed, going, yeah, definitely bring him on now. Yeah, yeah. No, give it another— no, no, no, bring him on now. Yeah, because you can hear everything. It's like, it's like the Emirates.

William 0:13:17 Do you know the other thing you could do with TVs, especially if you don't want other people to like hear football or whatever, if they're not interested in, you can connect to your headphones. So you could just watch TV with Bluetooth headphones.

Jordan 0:13:27 Just get away.

William 0:13:31 Just a suggestion.

Jordan 0:13:31 I don't want to be those people that used to protest during the Industrial Revolution because they thought we were going too far with technology, but I think we drive less cars, And soundbars and headphones to your telly. I think we need to stop now.

William 0:13:43 Oh, really?

Jordan 0:13:44 We've peaked. We don't need aught else.

William 0:13:46 Well, you're not even going to get in a driverless car.

Jordan 0:13:49 We don't need anything else. Like, what else do we need? No, we've got like Gemini's good and stuff helps us out. But what else do we need?

William 0:14:00 Well, just a good mobile phone signal is all I'd like.

Jordan 0:14:04 It's fine.

William 0:14:04 My upstairs router's broken. Mm-hmm. I can't get Wi-Fi properly upstairs. I've had to turn it off. I'm now connecting to the downstairs router, which is further away, and it works perfectly. But the upstairs router, it connects to it and the internet drops out.

Jordan 0:14:16 Get one of those little thingies.

William 0:14:18 I've got one of those little thingies.

Jordan 0:14:19 Couple of other things. Guess who I've seen who I've not seen in ages? Sends his love.

William 0:14:23 Give me a clue. Do I know this person?

Jordan 0:14:26 Yeah. Bald.

Ben 0:14:30 Stanley Tucci?

Jordan 0:14:32 No, but he sends— he says hello as well.

William 0:14:35 Does he?

Ben 0:14:35 Not his love.

William 0:14:36 No.

Jordan 0:14:36 Don't send his love.

William 0:14:37 Vin Diesel.

Jordan 0:14:38 No.

William 0:14:39 I've met this person.

Jordan 0:14:41 Yeah.

Ben 0:14:41 Ross Kemp?

Jordan 0:14:43 No. Oh my God, obsessed.

William 0:14:45 Um, I can't think of any bald people.

Jordan 0:14:47 Our Lee!

William 0:14:48 Oh, Our Lee!

Jordan 0:14:50 He sends his love.

William 0:14:51 Oh.

Jordan 0:14:51 I went, I went on the footy with him.

William 0:14:53 Yes, you did. He was— yeah. How was that?

Jordan 0:14:55 And he was good. I spent a good day with him.

William 0:14:57 Good game?

Jordan 0:14:58 Yeah, we won. Well done. I had a right good piss-up with him, but I've not seen him properly in ages.

William 0:15:03 Would you send my love back, please?

Jordan 0:15:04 I will.

William 0:15:05 And how's Joanne?

Jordan 0:15:06 Yeah, she's good. She's good. Yeah, still a Nobender.

William 0:15:09 I'm sorry?

Jordan 0:15:10 Supports Preston North End because Nobender, don't they?

William 0:15:12 Oh.

Jordan 0:15:13 Yeah, but it's all love and games.

William 0:15:14 They're married, aren't they?

Jordan 0:15:15 Yeah, yeah, yeah, right. They're married. Um, but yeah, he's good. He said one of the best lines I've heard. I was actually biting into a hot dog as he told me it, and I, I honestly, I nearly choked. And this is why I love our work, and this is why he provides me the best jokes. And he was being deadly serious. I said, is it getting cold? He went, oh, I'm glad the heat wave's over. He said, especially in Burnley, I've seen more camel toe than an Egyptian vet. And I just thought that was absolutely brilliant. How great of a line is that?

William 0:15:47 He

Jordan 0:15:47 said, I've seen more camel toe in Burnley town centre.

William 0:15:50 It's, it's very Lancashire.

Jordan 0:15:51 Than an Egyptian vet. I just, honestly, I'll go— it was slapping me on back and everything. So yeah, it's been— it was great to see him. I've not seen him for a while.

William 0:16:02 Okay, nice. Well, that's lovely. Talking of soundbars, have I told you that my parents— we got my parents to get a soundbar last year?

Jordan 0:16:09 Oh, Christ. God, now I know the technology.

William 0:16:10 We bought it for them, and then when we then went to go and stay with them, it literally was 6 months later, we went, how are you getting on with the soundbar? Has it made an improvement? They went, yes. Oh my God, we can hear speech perfectly. Yeah, it's great. Yeah, yeah. We sit down to watch something with them, and Mikey and I look at each other and Think, this is— we can't understand a word they're saying. They haven't plugged it in.

Jordan 0:16:32 So,

William 0:16:32 for 6 months it sat in front of the television, and they thought it was plugged in.

Jordan 0:16:35 They just thought it was working.

William 0:16:36 Yeah.

Jordan 0:16:36 That's a placebo effect. Yeah.

William 0:16:40 Well done.

Jordan 0:16:40 All right.

Ben 0:16:42 No, it was clever.

William 0:16:43 Yeah.

Jordan 0:16:45 I do have me moments.

Ben 0:16:45 Yeah, well, that was one of them.

Jordan 0:16:47 Thank you. Placebo effect.

William 0:16:49 Take the rest of the year off.

Jordan 0:16:51 Halloween's coming up. We've got a Halloween special episode on Friday. Which—

William 0:16:56 well, we've got, we've got a special Halloween episode on Patreon tomorrow, and then we have our special Halloween bonus from the haunted house.

Jordan 0:17:04 On Friday.

William 0:17:05 On Friday.

Jordan 0:17:05 Yeah, so we're doing an episode live from a haunted house on Friday.

William 0:17:08 Recorded as live.

Jordan 0:17:09 What are you dressing up as this year? What are you doing?

William 0:17:11 What am I dressing up as? Uh, nothing.

Jordan 0:17:14 Well, what, what have you gone as in previous years?

William 0:17:16 I've never dressed up. Really?

Jordan 0:17:18 No. Well, you dressed up as me that time.

William 0:17:20 Oh yeah, okay, for the podcast, I've dressed up as you. I am actually going— I'm gonna break this to everyone. I am actually going to a Halloween

Jordan 0:17:27 party. Are you absolu— You have changed. I bet you we can find a clip of you saying, Halloween parties are for Muggles. You should never go.

William 0:17:35 I can find articles I've done. I can easily find that. I'm sort of— No, I'm not going as a character.

Ben 0:17:42 Yeah, you have to dress up though.

Jordan 0:17:43 You have to dress up.

William 0:17:44 Yes, I'm dressing up. I'll show you what I'm in. I've just decided—

Ben 0:17:47 Do we wanna see what you're in?

Jordan 0:17:48 Why don't you go what you wore for the tour?

William 0:17:51 No, actually, my friend Max wanted me to go as that, and I said, it will take up most of your flash. The tails—

Jordan 0:17:57 Why don't you wear mine then? I've still got it here. I'm gonna take that home with me.

William 0:18:00 Oh!

Ben 0:18:01 That's a good shout.

William 0:18:02 Could I?

Jordan 0:18:03 You actually could.

William 0:18:04 Might be a bit short on me.

Jordan 0:18:05 And if you just did a bit of like a zombie face. Fake blood. Yeah.

William 0:18:08 Zombie Kylie.

Jordan 0:18:09 Don't get any fake blood on it.

Ben 0:18:10 Zombie Naughties Kylie.

William 0:18:11 Zombie Naughties Kylie?

Jordan 0:18:12 Don't get any, 'cause I'm using that for when I go to Stitchers. I'm joking.

William 0:18:17 I don't think you are.

Jordan 0:18:18 Zombie Kylie. Do you want to take that? 'Cause if not, I'm going to take it home. I've got some crisps sent in as well that I need to

William 0:18:25 taste.

Ben 0:18:25 Zombie Kylie, I just can't bite you out of my head.

William 0:18:29 Wow. Look at you.

Ben 0:18:31 Or something like that.

William 0:18:34 So, I'm not going to show the camera. It's— so, we've had a— and I should say, there isn't a theme at this party. I have asked numerous times, what is the theme? so I could be in keeping in the theme. I'm told there isn't one, so I just thought it's just general fancy dress, wear something you wouldn't normally wear.

Jordan 0:18:50 Okay, let's have a look.

William 0:18:52 So I'm wearing that.

Jordan 0:18:52 Oh, you're going as old you?

William 0:18:55 Rude.

Jordan 0:18:58 Why are you wearing that?

William 0:19:01 Well, I thought, why not? No, you've got— And those trousers.

Jordan 0:19:03 Right.

William 0:19:04 That's dress-up. You're not gonna wear that to Waitrose, are you?

Jordan 0:19:07 Let's give him some ideas. So a lot of people are going as Catherine Turner M&S this year. Is it Catherine Turner? Yeah, it is. Yeah, you know, the M&S one, pass it, that's all over TikTok.

William 0:19:15 Yeah, she just wears like a nice top and jeans, doesn't she?

Jordan 0:19:20 Yeah, but you just— you go as that. You can be creative, Ben. What could he go as? What's quite in at the moment? Gen Z Izzy would know, but she's off with flu.

Ben 0:19:28 Kat and I want to go to a Halloween party. We've not been invited to one this year.

William 0:19:34 Oh, do you want to come to the one I'm going to? They need to get the numbers up.

Ben 0:19:36 No, no, it's fine, thanks.

William 0:19:38 Okay.

Ben 0:19:38 But we want to go as the coach and Keira Knightley in Bend It Like Beckham.

William 0:19:44 Nice topical reference.

Ben 0:19:47 There we go.

Jordan 0:19:47 30 years out of date.

Ben 0:19:49 Yeah.

Jordan 0:19:49 Why don't you go as like the knife and the knife sharpener?

William 0:19:52 That's

Jordan 0:19:54 good. Jack, any ideas what William could go as?

William 0:19:56 He could go as Jordan North as the Garden Gnome.

Jordan 0:20:01 Oh! Great shout! Or you could go as Wendy when you dressed up as Wendy on the tour.

William 0:20:06 Yes, I could do.

Jordan 0:20:07 Yes!

Ben 0:20:08 Zombie Wendy.

William 0:20:09 Zombie Wendy. Why does everything have to be— I mean, I could, with that outfit, I'm thinking of just putting a bit of fake blood down there, down the corner of my lips. So—

Jordan 0:20:16 I don't like the one where people do the zips. Ooh, no. So it looks like your face is opened.

William 0:20:21 No.

Jordan 0:20:21 Too far for me, that. It's not fun.

William 0:20:24 Well, my friend who wanted me to come in my Kylie Showgirl costume—

Jordan 0:20:27 Do that, of course I would.

William 0:20:27 He was like, oh, we might go out afterwards. Half of me was like, it would be pretty iconic, me going… down Soho dressed as Kylie. Like, half of me is like, mm.

Jordan 0:20:38 Go in mine.

William 0:20:40 Yeah, okay. Yours is a bit easier to get your head into.

Jordan 0:20:42 Try it on after this, and if it works, you can borrow it.

Ben 0:20:44 Are you actually gonna do that?

William 0:20:46 What?

Ben 0:20:46 Go as Kylie? Slutty Kylie?

William 0:20:49 No, 'cause

Jordan 0:20:49 he's wore worse in Soho, trust me.

William 0:20:52 Showgirl Kylie takes some preparation work, and I'm not sure I really want to do the preparation work next week.

Jordan 0:20:58 Go as my Kylie.

William 0:21:00 Yeah.

Jordan 0:21:01 Okay. Right, before we move on, will you Straighten that picture behind you, it's doing my head in.

William 0:21:05 Which one? This one?

Jordan 0:21:05 That one. Yeah.

Ben 0:21:07 Oh.

Jordan 0:21:08 Bit the other way now. Bit more to the other way.

William 0:21:11 Which way?

Jordan 0:21:11 Towards Ben. It's great if you're listening on the podcast. Yeah, that'll do.

William 0:21:16 One final thing about LA, for this week anyway. I was eating in a restaurant called Olive Garden. It's not necessarily— I'm going to post my review on my social media at some point. The best thing about Olive Garden, and there wasn't a lot, but the best thing about it is that it was someone's birthday. So, they brought it out, and their happy birthday song goes like this. Happy birthday to you, cha-cha-cha. Happy birthday to you, cha-cha-cha. Happy birthday, dear Jordan. Happy birthday to you, cha-cha-cha. I was so happy.

Ben 0:21:48 Aww.

William 0:21:48 It really put a spring in my step. It made the whole trip worthwhile.

Jordan 0:21:52 Well, we can't wait for more LA stories next week.

Ben 0:21:57 That's the second best

William 0:21:59 No, no, no, there are better ones, and I'm just gonna do them next week.

Ben 0:22:02 Olive Garden's like Pizza Express, isn't it?

William 0:22:04 It aspires to be like Pizza Express, yes, with unlimited breadsticks and unlimited salad.

Ben 0:22:09 Like Prezzo.

Jordan 0:22:11 Did you go to In-N-Out Burger?

William 0:22:12 No.

Jordan 0:22:13 Oh, for God's sake.

William 0:22:15 We nearly went to Taco Taco Bell. In fact, we were trying to get there in one of our driverless cars, and the area that we were in, we decided if I got out in a double-breasted suit and started slagging off Taco Tacos, I would die. So, we didn't.

Jordan 0:22:32 Okay.

William 0:22:32 So, we changed the driverless car destination.

Jordan 0:22:34 I asked someone recently, we had some Hollywood people in on the show, and I asked them if they've been to In-N-Out Burger.

William 0:22:40 Lots of people very divided about it.

Jordan 0:22:42 I think it looks amazing anyway.

William 0:22:45 I reviewed, where else did I review? Chick-fil-A, controversially.

Jordan 0:22:50 Yeah.

William 0:22:51 Because they've been in the news a lot because they have strong opinions about things that really, I don't know if restaurants need to have opinions about.

Jordan 0:22:57 In this day and age as well.

William 0:22:58 Yeah, I know. So I very pleasingly just sat in Chick-fil-A and did as many gay innuendos as I possibly could.

Jordan 0:23:05 Good lad. Do you know what? Good lad.

William 0:23:07 Thank you.

Jordan 0:23:07 I'm proud of you there. Yes. Well done, you.

William 0:23:09 They've also— for a fast food restaurant, it's just a chicken fast food restaurant.

Jordan 0:23:12 You could call it Dick-fil-A.

William 0:23:13 No, but I did do quite a Jordan North joke.

Jordan 0:23:17 Arse-fil-A.

William 0:23:18 No. I— I

Jordan 0:23:20 wish I were there. Would have brought the house down.

William 0:23:22 In my intro, I was like, I'm going to go to somewhere called Chick filler. Filler? I barely know her.

Jordan 0:23:31 Yeah.

William 0:23:32 The rest of the review gets better.

Jordan 0:23:33 That was good.

William 0:23:34 Thank you. But no, for a sort of a relatively anti-gay restaurant, they've got floral table decorations. How camp. Literally real flowers in little vases.

Jordan 0:23:46 It always is the homophobes.

William 0:23:47 So gay.

Jordan 0:23:48 It always is the homophobes.

William 0:23:50 Well, it is anyway.

Jordan 0:23:51 What? Oh, is it Etymology of the Week?

William 0:23:54 It is Etymology. Great. And sort of inspired by— I think we alluded to it when we were reading out that dilemma, you know, the kebab dilemma that we did about eating the kebab out the, you know,

Jordan 0:24:05 bun.

William 0:24:06 And well, a bun of sorts.

Jordan 0:24:08 Yes, or the pita.

William 0:24:10 Yeah, out of

Ben 0:24:11 the bottom.

Jordan 0:24:11 Oh, the bun. Yeah, the bun. Yeah.

William 0:24:13 Out of a place that Chick-fil-A would not approve of, let's put it that way. I have looked into the history of Doner kebabs.

Jordan 0:24:21 Great.

William 0:24:21 It's not very etiquette-y, I appreciate. Although there is an etiquette slant as to how you eat a döner kebab and how that has changed over time.

Jordan 0:24:28 Okay, that'll do.

William 0:24:29 So hopefully that'll satisfy you.

Jordan 0:24:30 We'll find out all about kebabs after the break.

William 0:27:48 Here's the jingle.

Speaker F 0:27:49 It's William, William, the etiquette geek. His knowledge, knowledge, quite unique. He'll give you manners, manners, subtle tweak. It's time for William's Etiquetti-metiquettimonology of the Week. Cha-cha-cha, cha-cha-cha, cha-cha-cha, cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha.

William 0:28:06 Welcome back, G and Divas. It's my Etiquettimonology. We're talking about kebabs inspired by that horrific dilemma. I hope you're over it from a few weeks ago. So, kebabs, they're found across a number of types of cuisine: Persian, Ottoman, Arabian. For those that don't know what kebab is— Greek. Greek, exactly.

Ben 0:28:22 German.

William 0:28:23 Yeah, British. They're generally pieces of meat on a skewer that have been roasted. That is basically what a kebab is. Cooking meat that way goes back centuries. The döner kebab, however, is a much more recent introduction. It was the Turkish Efendi family who developed a horizontal spit which rotated. And these were originally used to roast whole lambs. And in 1867— coming up to 7 o'clock— a new method was created, and the döner was invented by Iskender Efendi. And the original döner was sold with tomato sauce and bread, yoghurt, and melted butter. Oh, actually sounds quite nice, if I'm honest. That does. However, this is where we get a bit etiquette-y. It was not a takeaway; it was a plated sit-down meal. Now, there are other claimants to the invention, we should say, however, but none before the 19th century. So, döner kebab is at least from the 19th century.

Jordan 0:29:14 And who's claiming that?

William 0:29:15 Lots of people claim— other people, but it was Iskander Efendi, basically. Now, in Europe, döner kebabs were only seen from the 1970s onwards, but they took off in the '80s and the '90s. Döner kebab is from the Turkish, meaning rotating roast, which apparently is a nightclub, but, uh, It's also Turkish. Traditionally lamb, modern döner may also be chicken or mixed meats. I don't know why you'd want to mix your meats, if I'm honest.

Jordan 0:29:42 I've had a mixed meat kebab. I've had every kebab you can think of.

William 0:29:45 Okay. Kebabs are especially delicious, apparently, when eaten out of someone's anus, as we discovered a couple of weeks ago.

Ben 0:29:52 What?

William 0:29:52 Interesting. That's a joke. They're not. In August 2025, Lancashire County Council announced the prosecution of a Burnley takeaway for selling kebabs described as lamb and chicken that were actually made mostly from beef, with only some being chicken and lamb.

Jordan 0:30:08 Oh, okay.

William 0:30:09 So there we go. That's your Donna Kebab.

Jordan 0:30:10 I was just gonna say, the best kebabs are in Burnley. I love a Burnley kebab, but the best ever—

William 0:30:15 What makes them so good?

Jordan 0:30:16 I don't know. They just know how to do it.

Ben 0:30:17 So beefy.

Jordan 0:30:18 You get like loads of it in a big, large pitta. And they put like chilli sauce on it, garlic. garlic mayo. But the best kebab I've ever had's in Benidorm. There's a very good one they do in Magaluf as well. Right. Uh, I'll— do you know what,

William 0:30:34 culinary

Jordan 0:30:34 hotspots, I'll do top 5 kebabs one day. I'll have a think about it because I used to get a cracking one in Sunderland if my student loan come in, because if not, I'd just get cheesy chips and garlic sauce. But they did a good one in Sunderland. Oh, and then obviously big shout out to, um, Cafe Zeus in Preston. They also did a great job.

William 0:30:52 Cafe Zeus.

Jordan 0:30:53 Yeah, but I used to get chicken kebab there. Yeah. And also, there's a kebab shop near where I live in London that's like viral. There's people queuing, there's loads of influencers.

William 0:31:01 Okay. I don't mind a kebab as long as it is like chunks of meat, not the shaved meat. No, I like the shaved.

Jordan 0:31:08 I like the shaved. It's gotta be shaved.

Ben 0:31:10 The shaved is döner.

Jordan 0:31:11 Yeah, I know. Yeah. Is there— have I made this up?

William 0:31:14 I like.

Ben 0:31:14 Yes.

Jordan 0:31:15 Yeah. Isn't there someone who robbed one of them once and ran off with it?

William 0:31:18 What? What, an actual—

Ben 0:31:19 The elephant's leg.

Jordan 0:31:21 The big, yeah, the big thing. Not condoning that, but it's really— did I see that on a night out? Just a lad running around.

William 0:31:27 Or was that you?

Jordan 0:31:28 No.

William 0:31:29 One of your friends?

Jordan 0:31:30 I've only ever stolen a traffic light lolly from the NAFI, and I got grounded for 2 weeks. The NAFI's the shop in the army. Stands for Navy Air Force Infantry. Navy Air Force Infantry.

William 0:31:44 How would you spell it?

Jordan 0:31:45 NAFI. N-A-F-F-I, I think. The NAFI was the shop in— In my day, when I was in the army, the NAFI was like, there was a pub in there, there was a shop.

William 0:31:53 Navy and Army Food Emporium.

Jordan 0:31:56 Wrong spelling of emporium. There was Bandits.

William 0:31:59 Bandits?

Jordan 0:32:00 There was a fag machine, you'd go in and get fags and stuff, yeah. But I nicked a traffic light once and got caught.

William 0:32:06 Learned me

Jordan 0:32:07 lesson. Hey, before we go on to your modern-day dilemmas, tomorrow we have got another Patreon-exclusive episode.

William 0:32:16 Yes, that's right. Premium members of our Patreon channel, Help I Sexed My Boss Out of Office.

Jordan 0:32:20 Ooh.

William 0:32:21 Get a brand new episode every Wednesday.

Jordan 0:32:23 Yeah. Last Wednesday, we did a reaction special where we heard some of our old clips back from the old days, and we reacted to some classic sexed moments and some of your savage comments. But tomorrow's one—

William 0:32:36 Yes, it's a special one. Jordan and I are heading to a haunted house for a spooky tour. And trust us, you do not want to miss that one. I'm gonna talk to you about that and what I told you about it when we went for our drink next Tuesday, once people have watched it.

Jordan 0:32:50 Okay. I'm not gonna lie, it shit me up. I was full-on Yvette Fielding. Was it Yvette Fielding?

William 0:32:56 Yvette, not Yvette. Yvette is someone you take your dog to.

Jordan 0:33:01 Was it Yvette?

William 0:33:01 Yvette Fielding.

Jordan 0:33:02 Yvette Fielding, and Yvette Cooper's the MP.

William 0:33:04 Yes.

Jordan 0:33:05 Did I sit next to her at the Pride of Britain Awards this week? Oh, I went to that as well. It was really good. Um,

William 0:33:12 Yvette Cooper probably would have been at the Pride event.

Jordan 0:33:14 No, it's the other one.

William 0:33:15 Yvette Fielding?

Jordan 0:33:16 The other Labour MP lady.

William 0:33:18 Um, Diane Abbott?

Jordan 0:33:20 Nope, keep going.

William 0:33:21 Well, she may not be Labour anymore.

Ben 0:33:23 Angela Rayner?

Jordan 0:33:24 No, she's a Dame now, I think.

William 0:33:25 Shabana Mahmood?

Jordan 0:33:26 No.

William 0:33:26 Um,

Ben 0:33:29 Stella Creasy?

William 0:33:30 Less Yvette Fielding.

Jordan 0:33:31 Come on, it's gonna bug me. I can't move on until I've done it.

Ben 0:33:34 Emily—

William 0:33:35 Emily Thornberry?

Jordan 0:33:36 Yes, Emily Thornberry.

William 0:33:37 I was gonna do an event with her for the Terence Higgins Trust, but then because of Titanic, I couldn't do it.

Jordan 0:33:42 I met Andy Burnham as well. What? I know.

William 0:33:44 The mayor of Manchester?

Jordan 0:33:46 Hear me out. So I'm backstage.

Ben 0:33:48 The mayor of Manchester? Yeah.

Jordan 0:33:49 It's the PM. Have you been away that long?

William 0:33:52 I

Jordan 0:33:52 give up. Backstage.

William 0:33:54 Yeah.

Jordan 0:33:55 Yeah. And with Lucy Bronze, a footballer, giving out an award. Someone had dropped out, so they asked me to come in last minute. Not taken.

William 0:34:01 No.

Jordan 0:34:01 Andy Burnham walks in. Promise you not. I go, hello, and he goes, oh, hi Jordan, I'm Andy.

Ben 0:34:09 What? No, no,

Jordan 0:34:11 no. Honest to God. How's that?

Ben 0:34:13 He knows who the people are.

Jordan 0:34:14 Anyway, we don't do politics on this show, but the guy—

William 0:34:18 I think he's the biggest—

Jordan 0:34:18 The guy's got— not just rizz, the guy's got rizz. The guy's got rizz. I said to him, I said, Andy, hear me out. Don't make being a Northerner your thing.

William 0:34:29 Yes, you've said this recently.

Jordan 0:34:32 I said, Andy, we get it, you're Northern, but there's more you about being Northern anyway.

William 0:34:36 And how did he take that?

Jordan 0:34:37 He was like, yeah, cheers, Jordan. Yeah, to be fair, I'm making out I was a spare part. It was more speaking to Lucy because he's big into football and women's football. But we spoke about Burnley and Everton and stuff.

William 0:34:48 Oh. It was great. Well, that's nice. That's lovely. Should we go on to some dilemmas?

Jordan 0:34:52 Remember, if you need our help with something, then get in touch. You can send your tales of trepidation to help@sexwithmyboss.com. You can DM us, we're @sexwithmyboss on the socials, or the address is on the website. sextedmyboss.com. William Hanson, what have we got?

William 0:35:05 This first one is from Callum. Dear William, Jordan, and the cock, greetings from Australia. That's producer Ben. I have a dilemma for you that surprisingly doesn't involve someone's dick. Now, should we move on? Good. I have a friend called Matthew who I've been friends with since I was 4 years old. For context, I'm 20 now. A year ago, Matthew got a girlfriend. I've met her multiple times and she's always been lovely. However, about 6 months ago, Matthew stopped talking to me. At first, I would message him to catch up and he'd respond with, I'm a little busy, but I'll get back to you. But then, of course, would never respond. We've never been the type to talk every day, but usually we would catch up at least once a fortnight. However, eventually, after constantly putting in the effort and receiving the same response, I gave up trying to initiate. His birthday happened recently and I never received an invitation from him. However, a few weeks before his birthday, my girlfriend received a text from his girlfriend saying, I can't wait to catch up with the both of you at his party. Oh. My dilemma is this: my birthday is coming up shortly, and whilst discussing who to invite with my girlfriend, my pussy-morized best mate popped up. My girlfriend suggested I let the whole thing slide and invite him anyway, in the hopes he'll take a break from pulling a Ben, stop being such a cuck, and it'll rekindle our friendship. Wow. However, I feel the time has passed, and if he hasn't wanted to catch up in all that time, on top of not inviting me to his birthday, it's probably best just to move on. Any advice would be appreciated. Cheers, Callum. So, I thought that was going in the direction of the girlfriend clearly doesn't like Callum, or potentially, and is sort of forcing her boyfriend to pick a side. It's me or your friend. But no, if the girlfriend's then texting Callum's girlfriend saying, see you at the party, it's all down to the friend. So, maybe that— maybe you've done something, Callum, to slight the friend. Why don't you just text him and say, We used to talk all the time. We now don't. What's the problem?

Jordan 0:36:54 I think invite him to your party one last time, see where you're at with him.

William 0:36:58 Invite both of them?

Jordan 0:36:59 Yeah, yeah, of course.

William 0:37:00 At the same time?

Jordan 0:37:01 Invite him to your party. And then maybe at the party, just say, hey, I'm so glad you made it. It's really good to see you. Yeah. Just, it'd be nice to see more of you. And you've gone a bit—

William 0:37:11 I'm worried about you.

Jordan 0:37:11 Yeah.

William 0:37:11 Maybe he's going through stuff.

Jordan 0:37:13 You've gone a bit offline over the past 5 months. Do you know what? Maybe he is going about

William 0:37:17 What's— what have you got in your top pocket? Sorry.

Jordan 0:37:18 Oh, I've not had this on since last winter. Oh, you know, most people find a fiver. I've got half a Belvita. Oh, oh God.

William 0:37:29 Why?

Jordan 0:37:30 God knows how long that's been in there. Do you want it? No, I don't.

William 0:37:34 To be

Jordan 0:37:35 fair, it's still in date. Oh no, it's not. 28/02/26.

William 0:37:39 It's gonna make the cameras strobe something rotten, but… It's very nice.

Jordan 0:37:44 Sorry, I've not worn this for— so it's rustling.

William 0:37:47 Right, yeah, I just could see it slowly rising from your pocket.

Jordan 0:37:51 There we go. It's an old belt. Most people find a fiver, don't they? Off the bin, that.

William 0:37:55 Anyway, Callum, I would say when you text, when you text, make sure you text them both at the same time. Group message, put your girlfriend in there too. Invite them both, because I do think sometimes friends, you text one, to say, come to the party. They don't see it. The other one doesn't see that text message. And then if you text both of them, at least they're both seeing it and you have a greater chance of them actually turning up. So text both and then yes, take Jordan's approach. Okay. That's what I'd say. Good advice. This is from anonymous. Dear Jordan, William, EPB, Gen Z, Izzy, and all of the fabulous Sex Ed team. Longtime listener with a dilemma I really need your help with. Let me preface this by telling you I've been with my partner for 15 years and I'm still so in love with him. However, he's currently giving me the ick. It's all down to our primary school-aged children bringing home some unwanted visitors from school. After combing my son's hair after a shower, I noticed something falling from his hair, and on closer inspection found he did indeed have nits. A trip to the chemist followed, and I sat down to treat the boys' heads that night. I also changed all the sheets, and when the children were in bed, we had the unpleasant task of going through each other's heads with a fine-toothed comb. Already icky enough, but wait, there's more. My partner has been sporting a very fetching beard for the majority of the last 10 years, and it suits him so well. However, he decided the best defence against nits was to shave it off. He's one of those people whose appearance drastically changes based on his facial hair.

Jordan 0:39:15 Like poor Gary Barlow. Everyone's going in on him. Did you see that recently? 'Cause he shaved his beard.

William 0:39:20 Did he have a beard?

Jordan 0:39:21 Yeah, it's like front page news. It's like he's only had his shave.

William 0:39:24 Oh, it's his face. Let him, let him do what he wants.

Jordan 0:39:26 Can I just say I shaved my beard recently? Once and did not look like me. I— it did not look like me. It was weird. Full clean-shaven.

William 0:39:35 Did you come in? Were we recording an episode?

Jordan 0:39:38 Can I take this Belvita away?

William 0:39:39 Of course you can, darling. I'm not making you keep it there.

Jordan 0:39:41 Rustling away in my pocket. Where can I put it?

William 0:39:44 Just put it on the shelf on the floor. Anyway, when the beard was gone, he lost about 15 years and not in a good way. I now feel like a bit of a pervert who's cheating on him with his less attractive younger brother. He's stuck with me through various weight changes and different looks, and I know I need to get over myself, It's really so shallow of me to think like this, but how do I see this clean-faced stranger as my handsome man? I just don't fancy this version so much. Anonymous. Well, the great thing is, Anonymous, the beard will grow back.

Jordan 0:40:08 Yes. However, before I forget— Jo!

William 0:40:11 She's not here.

Jordan 0:40:12 Jo! Remind me to send a picture of me without a beard. I look so weird. Some people ages, some people makes younger. It's one of them, because, you know, the old moustache. Yeah. Some aren't keen on it.

William 0:40:25 No. You know

Jordan 0:40:27 that

William 0:40:27 I've recently— we've had an entire conversation about why did I not tell you the mullet didn't suit you? And I said, well, I did.

Jordan 0:40:34 Yeah.

William 0:40:35 And you've just forgotten that. Can we have the same conversation about the moustache?

Jordan 0:40:38 Well, it's not just now. I'm being told the sideburns aren't— because I'm growing my hair out.

William 0:40:42 Never trust a man with sideburns.

Jordan 0:40:43 I'm growing my hair out at the moment. I'm gonna try and grow it out a bit.

William 0:40:46 Okay.

Jordan 0:40:47 So, um, I've got a bit of sideburns to try and make it look a bit neater. Yeah, so It is hard. You could try— I think you've got to tell your partner.

William 0:40:56 And just say, oh, I just prefer you with a beard.

Jordan 0:40:59 Yeah.

William 0:40:59 That's all you need to say.

Jordan 0:41:00 I so much prefer you with a beard. But it could be one of those where it's just because you're used to him with a beard, it might actually, pardon the pun, grow on you a bit.

William 0:41:08 Yeah, true.

Jordan 0:41:09 It might.

William 0:41:10 Or as they say, if you change your hairstyle, it takes sort of 3 to 4 days for your brain to get used to it because you're so used to seeing yourself one way.

Jordan 0:41:16 Oh, really?

William 0:41:17 Yeah. Apparently there is some research into that.

Jordan 0:41:18 Ah, so yeah, I would tell him and just be like, look, I love you to bits, but I find You're so— you know what, you could be like, grow that beard back, and I'll just be like— and you know how blokes work, you know what they want when it comes to it all. So be like, grow that beard back, and then as soon as he starts growing it back—

William 0:41:36 But I think he will.

Jordan 0:41:37 It's not like— Start putting out a bit more, and he'd be like, right, beard equals sex, no beard equals no sex. Anonymous, is that fair to say? I don't mean that in like a horrible way.

William 0:41:46 I think if, if your partner has sort of implied he prefers it without the beard, then I think I'd worry. But if he's just doing it because, yeah, he's being sensible and wanting to get rid of the nits, don't panic, because within a week, at least there should be stubble.

Jordan 0:41:59 Yeah.

William 0:42:00 And the beard will come back.

Jordan 0:42:00 Well, no, I think he's— yeah, got the beard.

William 0:42:03 This is from Anna. She doesn't start with a dear, she just goes straight in.

Jordan 0:42:07 That's all right.

William 0:42:08 I'm 30 this year and I've got a serious Halloween dilemma. Every year I've gone for the sluttiest costume possible because Halloween is basically the one night a year where getting your tits out is considered fancy dress.

Jordan 0:42:18 Do you know what? You've nothing on the— I think I can say this— you've nothing on the gays, what they do for Halloween.

William 0:42:23 Yeah, true.

Jordan 0:42:24 Thank you. Honestly.

William 0:42:26 But now I'm 30, I'm wondering if I need to start dressing my age. Do I go as a sexy devil one last time, or do I embrace my 30s and turn up as a pumpkin and a poncho? I just don't want to be the oldest woman in the club dressed as a naughty schoolgirl, but equally I'm not ready to start buying costumes with the modesty panel. Where do we stand on slutty Halloween costumes after 30? As Mean Girls would say, in girl world, Halloween is the one night a year when a girl can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it. Love you lots.

Jordan 0:42:53 I totally agree. Just go for it. If— 30's young. 30's still young, especially these days.

William 0:42:59 It depends on your own confidence, what you want to look like, what— just dress however you wish to dress.

Jordan 0:43:06 Yeah, if you wanna go as a slutty Halloween costume, go for it.

William 0:43:09 I don't know though that Halloween needs to— when did Halloween start equating to being a slut?

Jordan 0:43:14 It peaked, if you ask me, was when Harley Quinn was doing the rounds, you know, from, what's it called? Suicide Squad. Suicide Squad. Thank you. Yeah.

William 0:43:26 Right.

Jordan 0:43:26 Ben, do you ever go a bit slutty for Halloween?

Ben 0:43:28 No.

Jordan 0:43:30 No?

Ben 0:43:30 No.

Jordan 0:43:31 What's the slut—

Ben 0:43:32 I dressed up as Paolo from the Lizzie McGuire movie.

Jordan 0:43:37 Nattini?

Ben 0:43:37 No, Sing to Me, Paolo. Have you seen the Lizzie McGuire movie?

William 0:43:41 Can I just say, your Halloween costumes, you wanted to go as someone from Bend It Like Beckham this year.

Jordan 0:43:45 I know. Are you trying to get yourself cancelled?

Ben 0:43:48 Cancelled? There's nothing to cancel about, is there?

William 0:43:51 Well, I don't know. It's been literally 20 years since I've watched—

Ben 0:43:55 I'm not gonna be slutty. We don't even know what Halloween costume you're wearing this year.

William 0:43:58 It's not slutty. Everything's— You're not showing it.

Ben 0:43:59 I don't believe you. Well, I don't believe you.

William 0:44:01 Come here and I'll show you.

Jordan 0:44:02 No, no, it's fine. Okay. Um, yeah, just go as it— like, 30 now is not old. There's this— there's these trends going around at the moment. I couldn't agree more. compared to what our parents were when they were 30s. My mum looks younger now than when she was 30.

William 0:44:17 She does, yeah. Yeah. No, no, no, because, because, you know,

Jordan 0:44:23 just how these

William 0:44:23 moisturisers—

Jordan 0:44:24 Just how these dress and the hairstyles and stuff. Do you think I look 36?

William 0:44:28 No.

Jordan 0:44:29 Older?

William 0:44:31 No. You look very mature. You do, like a fine wine.

Jordan 0:44:37 Oh, thank— no, I'm not. I'm ageing like milk.

William 0:44:39 Sediment at the bottom. Um, but yeah,

Jordan 0:44:40 go as a, go as a slow— and you know what? If you're listening, you're 40, you're 15, you want to dress slutty, go for it. Do it. Get that short skirt on. Go for it. It's Halloween. Everyone can dress a bit slutty for Halloween.

William 0:44:52 You're away for Halloween, aren't you?

Jordan 0:44:54 Yeah. You're in Skeggy again.

William 0:44:57 Yes, I know. So. Will you be wearing anything slutty in Skeggy?

Jordan 0:45:01 No, but we do go to this place that does a great Halloween night. Yeah.

William 0:45:06 You see, I, I, this is like, this Halloween party, it's just in someone's house. That's fine. I don't need to be going out.

Jordan 0:45:12 No, we don't go out-out. It goes like, it's restaurant And it's amazing.

William 0:45:15 Pumpkin soup.

Jordan 0:45:16 In Skegness.

William 0:45:17 Did you go apple bobbing?

Jordan 0:45:18 I've not done that for a while, actually.

William 0:45:21 Try and get a, try and get a Cox between your teeth. It's a type of apple. This is from Alex. Hi, William, Jordan, and the whole sexy production.

Jordan 0:45:29 Is it for Halloween or Bonfire Night?

William 0:45:31 Oh, Bonfire Night. So much more sophisticated.

Jordan 0:45:34 Do you think?

William 0:45:34 Yes.

Jordan 0:45:35 Bad on the pets though, innit?

Ben 0:45:36 Yeah, Diego doesn't like it.

Jordan 0:45:38 Bless him. I don't, Jules. I know it's only fireworks, but I bloody honestly, it's just not nice. I don't know what's going on. Their manoeuvres are bloody 8.

William 0:45:47 This is from Alex. Hi Jordan, William, and the whole Sex Ed production. I have a question on breakup etiquette. I was with my ex for 5 years. We broke up 6 months ago and I still have all the pictures on my phone. I have a child and some of the pictures we had together are of the 3 of us. I really don't know what to do with them. I'm in 2 minds. Do I delete them as there is no way we will ever get back together, or do I keep some as 5 years is a very long time to delete pictures from? Any help or other options would be appreciated. Alex, I don't know what sort of phone you have. I can only speak for the iPhone. Hide them.

Jordan 0:46:18 I just— I personally—

William 0:46:19 Just click on the hide function.

Jordan 0:46:20 Wouldn't delete them, because obviously you're still—

William 0:46:22 No, it's a memory.

Jordan 0:46:23 You're still going through them now, and it's very sore. But also, think of your child. Your child would love to see those pictures when they're older of you and their dad together.

William 0:46:34 Well, I don't know if that's the dad.

Jordan 0:46:35 Oh.

William 0:46:36 I think, yeah, I'm guessing.

Jordan 0:46:39 I'd maybe, if it hurts to see them now, like what William says, keep them, put them in a file somewhere, save them. But I probably wouldn't delete them permanently because in 10 years' time, you know, like, oh, that's a happy memory.

William 0:46:49 Or you can now, on most operating systems, AI the person out.

Jordan 0:46:54 Oh.

William 0:46:55 You can use the thing and erase them.

Jordan 0:46:56 Just, yeah, maybe hide them. Put them in your hidden folder.

William 0:46:59 We should go through each other's hidden folders.

Jordan 0:47:02 Yeah. Because I'm now in

William 0:47:04 mine. They're not much in mine. But for years, the only photo in my hidden folder was a picture of you on a train with a jacket over you. Why? It was something on tour, and you didn't like the photo, so I said I'd hide it when we were travelling on a train. And then I opened my hidden folder about a year ago, and the only one is you.

Jordan 0:47:22 Okay, well, yeah, that's what I'd say, maybe. But don't delete it now. Give it a while. But if you still feel the same in a few years' time, delete it.

William 0:47:29 Yeah. This is from Anonymous. I've recently started a new job and have quickly made friends with a lovely girl called Emily. Emily is a lesbian and I'm a gay man. So I thought, great, we already had something in common. This is where you're mistaken.

Jordan 0:47:41 You don't. You need to watch their famous—

William 0:47:43 Insert— I went outside the house in LA.

Jordan 0:47:46 Shut up.

William 0:47:47 Yeah, I've been outside it before, but we went outside Mitchell and Cam's house.

Jordan 0:47:50 Oh, really?

William 0:47:51 Yeah, we took a Waymo there.

Jordan 0:47:53 Insert the Mitch and Cam clip here.

William 0:47:55 Well, probably legally can't, but yeah. There's a whole thing about the Venn diagrams between gays and lesbians. Anyway, little did I know just how much we actually had in common. After weeks of chatting in the office, we added each other on Facebook. They're old. I'm not really one for scrolling through other people's photos, so I thought nothing of it. That was until one day when she shared a picture of herself with her dad. I looked at the photo.

Jordan 0:48:19 Oh

William 0:48:19 no, I know what it is. And then it dawned on me.

Jordan 0:48:21 Yeah.

William 0:48:22 I had on 3 separate occasions shagged her dad. Now most people would probably be horrified by this revelation. My first thought Not again. The not again was because only a month or two earlier, it also transpired I had shagged my friend's boyfriend's dad, who coincidentally was also married and living with her mum's boyfriend. They say everyone in this world is connected by 6 degrees of separation. I think in my case that number needs to be recalculated. So should I let my coworker know, or should I hold on to my dirty little secret and hope that fate doesn't cruelly put myself, my new friend, and her father in the same room? I wouldn't let her know unless— A

Jordan 0:48:59 lot of people listening will be divided on this.

William 0:49:01 If the dad is openly gay, I would say there's less of an issue because you slept with him when you didn't know the coworker. He's gay, you're gay. It's 2 gays getting together, whatever. If the dad is living with a woman and presents as straight to the outside world, it's probably a bit of an issue because in effect, you're the other woman.

Jordan 0:49:20 Best keeping your nose clean.

William 0:49:22 Yeah.

Jordan 0:49:22 I'd say, yeah.

William 0:49:24 Should have taken that advice sooner.

Jordan 0:49:26 Um, it's probably best not to say anything. Yeah. I mean, some people would be listening going, no, tell them, that's bad, he's cheating. But it's best not to get involved, I don't think. Yeah. That's, that's, that's my advice on that.

William 0:49:41 Yeah.

Jordan 0:49:42 My God.

William 0:49:43 Well, it all goes on.

Jordan 0:49:44 It does, doesn't it? Twice it's happened to him. Twice.

William 0:49:48 I think it's probably only going to play not in your favour. I can't see that. Honesty is the best policy, but sometimes ignorance is bliss.

Jordan 0:49:56 Yeah.

William 0:49:56 Stick that on a t-shirt.

Jordan 0:49:58 Very good advice.

William 0:49:59 Thank you very much.

Jordan 0:50:00 Very good advice.

William 0:50:03 What?

Jordan 0:50:03 How much gin and tonic?

William 0:50:05 You actually have actually drunk the gin and tonic.

Ben 0:50:07 You haven't drunk that much gin and tonic for a while.

William 0:50:09 For about 2 years.

Jordan 0:50:10 Tough week.

Ben 0:50:11 You are due a skeggy trip, aren't you?

William 0:50:14 Right. Wrap up.

Jordan 0:50:16 Why? We're

William 0:50:17 gonna— We're finished.

Jordan 0:50:18 Oh, right. I thought you meant something else, huh?

William 0:50:19 Oh, you don't need to wrap up.

Jordan 0:50:22 Thank you for your questions. Ooh, it has gone to me. Look at that. I've gone a bit Wendy.

William 0:50:29 Yeah, I've just noticed.

Jordan 0:50:30 I've gone a bit Wendy. I've not had a full gin and tonic for ages.

Ben 0:50:35 You look a bit blushed. You're like red in the cheek. Almost as red as the background.

Jordan 0:50:40 Oh, God, don't mention that.

William 0:50:42 Where's Jordan gone?

Jordan 0:50:43 Can you see me? If I open my eyes, can you see me? Oh, I was meant to go to gym after this.

William 0:50:49 Not anymore.

Jordan 0:50:51 Thank you for your questions and dilemmas. Remember, you can listen to new episodes every Tuesday and Friday, and join us tomorrow for an exclusive Help I Sexed My Boss Out of Office episode over on our Patreon. Mmm. No, it's not a mmm.

William 0:51:05 I had a mouthful of water.

Jordan 0:51:06 We'll see you soon. Haunted house tour tomorrow. Friday episode from the haunted house on Friday.

William 0:51:12 Friday episode on Friday.

Jordan 0:51:13 Friday episode on Friday.

William 0:51:14 Got it.

Jordan 0:51:14 Bye-bye.