Help There’s An Old Man Watching | And William’s Coffee Whinge

Jordan 0:02:05 This is my good pen, right?

William 0:02:11 Right. I

Jordan 0:02:11 got this pen in Spain and I can't get it anywhere else. May I write with it? So really good. It's called MP Rollpoint.

William 0:02:18 Honestly. I want to write with it, please.

Jordan 0:02:20 Not just— I mean, it's a Spanish cleaning product. Spanish stationery. Isn't that a good pen?

William 0:02:25 Well, I mean, it's not like— It's a ballpoint.

Jordan 0:02:28 It's not. It's better than any old ballpoint. That's it. So don't let me lose it.

William 0:02:31 This podcast is better than any old ballpoint.

Jordan 0:02:33 That's true. So don't let me lose it. Hello and welcome to Help I Sexed With My Boss, the podcast where we help you navigate the challenges of modern life. Answering 21st century questions and finding solutions to those everyday dilemmas, like how do you convince your work colleagues to come to Butlins with you? We've got to do it. It's such a good laugh.

William 0:02:58 No.

Jordan 0:02:59 Or what to say to your partner when they want to conduct some oral exploration of non-traditional zones. And what should you do if you've accidentally sexted your boss? But we're not usually lagging the answer, are we? William Hanson, the UK's leading etiquette expert.

William 0:03:15 No, we're not. Jordan North, radio presenter. I'm more passive aggression. You're more accents and impressions. I like that. It's from Nicholas. Thank you, Nicholas. Should we have a drink?

Jordan 0:03:25 Yeah, let's have a drink.

William 0:03:26 This week's toast goes out to Ryan and Amy via Katie, who messaged in to say, Dear William Jordan, EPB, Chairman Aretas Stewart, Gen Z Izzy, Jump Cut Jack, Social Joe, and good heavens, I hope I haven't missed anyone out. Crap, I forgot Diego!

Jordan 0:03:42 And Zoff.

William 0:03:43 And Zoffia! Ever. We're not gonna do—

Jordan 0:03:46 I'm a lion. It is okay. I don't want to. I'm nonchalant. Is he here?

William 0:03:51 No, he's not.

Jordan 0:03:51 I'm nonchalant. It's my new favourite impression. I got something over there. You alright, Diego? Yes.

William 0:03:57 He's called Rodrigo.

Jordan 0:03:59 Oh! I've got the two impressions. Sorry, Rodrigo. Another— yeah. I am a lion.

William 0:04:04 They're very close. An OG—

Jordan 0:04:06 I am a lion.

William 0:04:07 An OG G&D-er here. I'm Katie, and I'm a Midlands gal living in Canada. It'd mean the world for me if you could start an episode with a toast to Ryan and Amy, my very dear friends who are getting married in the next few weeks. We went to watch you in Birmingham a few years ago, and I'm flying back to Blythey for the wedding, of course. They aren't getting a wedding gift from me, as I effing flew here, and flight prizes are disgusting. So I know a shout-out from you guys would make Amy's day on her wedding morning. Love you both, and doodle doodle doo to you, Katie.

Jordan 0:04:35 Doodle doodle doo. Did I give a shout-out? Did I give a shout out to the, um, really nice guy on the train who gave me loads of free vodka? Massive Geodiva.

William 0:04:45 No.

Jordan 0:04:45 Oh, I've got to remember. He came to see us in London, him and his, uh, fella and his dad. Oh, I'm so sorry if I forgot about that. I would have put it in my notes. Hang on. Oh no, I'm really sorry. Was it Ed?

William 0:05:01 None of us, none of us can help you.

Jordan 0:05:03 Pete, I'm so sorry. I met you and you Gave me a few vodkas on the train. But anyway, to our wonderful GND-ers.

William 0:05:09 This is to Ryan and Amy, via Katie. All of you, up yours.

Jordan 0:05:14 One day I'll tell you about the GND-er I met in Amsterdam. When I'm ready for it. In fact, that could be the new Guinness joke. If you ever see me in the pub, say, where did you meet GND-er?

William 0:05:27 Are you going to tell me later?

Jordan 0:05:28 Maybe.

William 0:05:32 Golly. Well, the mind boggles, doesn't it?

Jordan 0:05:34 It weren't that bad. I'm just trying to—

William 0:05:35 You're just trying to sex it up a bit?

Jordan 0:05:36 Yes.

William 0:05:37 Okay. Anyway, how are you?

Jordan 0:05:40 I'm good, yeah.

William 0:05:41 What's been going on?

Jordan 0:05:43 Fell asleep in a meeting this week.

William 0:05:45 Oh.

Jordan 0:05:45 Oh, I did a Donald Trump.

William 0:05:46 But was it a boring meeting or were you just tired?

Jordan 0:05:48 It wasn't actually a boring meeting. It was quite interesting. And I did a full Donald Trump. I mean, I didn't shit myself, but I did a full Donald Trump.

William 0:05:55 You built a wall?

Jordan 0:05:56 No, I fell asleep. Proper fell asleep and it was awful. In with the boss as well.

William 0:06:01 Oh,

Jordan 0:06:02 and the thing is, it was in the green room at Capital, and in there it's dead comfy, so it's where all the guests is. Sometimes we meet in there, and I just had a little cushion, and honestly, they were like wittering on. I made my point.

William 0:06:13 Wittering on?

Jordan 0:06:14 Well, you know what it's like.

William 0:06:15 You're doubling down on this, are you?

Jordan 0:06:17 And I just went— and my eyes went, no, no, don't. So I sat up and then started slouching more and more, and then for some stupid reason, I got a cushion Trying to hold me up and I proper fell asleep.

William 0:06:30 Did they notice?

Jordan 0:06:31 Yeah, everyone noticed apart from boss and a few people, and Chris just went, what do you think, Jordan? I went, mup. So I feel really bad. That's up there. That's how I fell asleep at the barber's as well.

William 0:06:42 Well, that's sort of understandable.

Jordan 0:06:44 When he washed your head. Yeah. That's right, therapeutic. And I thought, oh, oh, that's absolutely lovely, and I just nodded off then.

William 0:06:53 Well, that's, that's, that's okay.

Jordan 0:06:54 So other than that I just said sorry afterwards, and I said to my boss, I said, sorry.

William 0:06:59 It wasn't you.

Jordan 0:07:00 It wasn't me. It's just, yeah.

William 0:07:02 No, no, it was you. It wasn't them.

Jordan 0:07:05 Yeah, it wasn't them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah. So, that's it. Falling asleep in meetings, not very professional, will it?

William 0:07:11 It's not very professional. Just don't make a habit of it.

Jordan 0:07:14 I won't.

William 0:07:14 I think you can probably then get away with it.

Jordan 0:07:16 Okay. What about you? What's been going on?

William 0:07:17 Have you watched recently—

Jordan 0:07:20 Traitors. Bloody love it.

William 0:07:22 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But The Shards.

Jordan 0:07:25 Yes. I knew you'd like The Shards.

William 0:07:27 Well, there are a couple of reasons I like The Shards.

Jordan 0:07:29 Main character, your type. And I was watching it and I said, I bet you William fancies him.

William 0:07:35 Well, Mikey wanted to watch it and I hadn't heard of it.

Jordan 0:07:38 I think it's amazing. Disney Plus. It's based in the '80s.

William 0:07:41 Or Hulu if you're in America. Yeah, it's set in the '80s. Ryan Murphy.

Jordan 0:07:44 Who wrote American Psycho.

William 0:07:46 And Glee.

Jordan 0:07:47 No, not Ryan Murphy. The guy who wrote American Psycho. Well, it's based on his book.

William 0:07:52 Okay, yeah. So there is a book, and I want to find the book. I want to— I think it's sort of loosely based on truth. It's sort of serial killings in LA. It's a great show for me to watch weeks before I go to LA. It's very comforting. And the ending— have you got to the ending?

Jordan 0:08:08 Terrible.

William 0:08:09 I have never been more cross with a television show.

Jordan 0:08:12 I'll shake your hand on that, my friend. It's an amazing— but It's an amazing TV show, but that ending, you're like—

William 0:08:21 What was the point of watching 9 episodes?

Jordan 0:08:23 Don't give too— but I think they're gonna do another series. Well, they better do another series. They bloody well better. They better, but then you never know these days if it's gonna get renewed.

William 0:08:29 Literally, Mikey and I wanted to throw things through the television.

Jordan 0:08:32 I was fuming. I was like, come on, you've etched this out for—

William 0:08:36 Egged it out.

Jordan 0:08:37 Etched?

William 0:08:38 Egged. Edged.

Jordan 0:08:39 Edged this out for— Yeah,

William 0:08:43 and—

Jordan 0:08:43 I don't want to give too much away because it is— I would highly recommend watching it.

William 0:08:48 Yeah, just prepare to be disappointed.

Jordan 0:08:50 It's brilliant. But yeah, have you also get on, uh, and anybody listening to this, get on Widows Bay. It's absolutely fantastic.

Speaker E 0:09:01 I was gonna say this. Hi guys.

Jordan 0:09:03 Hello Ben. What's your fella in it who won the 2 Emmys? Oh, he's Welsh.

Speaker E 0:09:07 He's so good.

Jordan 0:09:07 He's so— he's proud that he's a British actor, 'cause he won an Emmy for—

Speaker E 0:09:12 Matthew Rhys.

Jordan 0:09:14 Matthew Rhys.

Speaker E 0:09:15 Is that right?

Jordan 0:09:16 He's the only guy to win 2 Emmys in the same night. He won an Emmy for—

Speaker E 0:09:20 The Beast in Me.

Jordan 0:09:22 The Beast in Me.

Speaker E 0:09:23 He was the reason why I started Widow's Bay. Was he, man? I loved him in The Beast in Me.

Jordan 0:09:26 I think he's brilliant. And he was in The Americans, which apparently is brilliant. Anyway, Widow's Bay, bit scary.

William 0:09:31 Oh no, but scarier than The Shards?

Jordan 0:09:34 Yeah, it's scary. Oh no, it'll put the willies up me. Please watch it. You will love Widows Bay.

Speaker E 0:09:40 I've just said I'm watching it.

Jordan 0:09:41 Oh, right. Oh, okay. Well, I don't listen to you. It's good, innit?

Speaker E 0:09:45 I was watching it on my own after a couple of beverages.

Jordan 0:09:48 Of course you were. We should do a podcast about telly. I could talk telly for days. I could talk telly for days.

William 0:09:58 No, well, Mikey and I don't normally deviate from watching basically Frasier, The West Wing, Or, well, to be fair, we've put Into the Man I Born at the moment. We've put that in our whole cycle.

Speaker E 0:10:06 Do you still watch The West Wing?

William 0:10:09 I love The West Wing.

Speaker E 0:10:10 You still watch it? We've been talking about The West Wing for like 9 years.

William 0:10:13 We just repeat. We just finish the show and we just go back.

Jordan 0:10:15 And Downton. You know, there's—

William 0:10:17 Mikey watched Downton more than me.

Jordan 0:10:19 I've got a list of things I watch.

William 0:10:20 Rewatching The Crown Series 3, better than I remember. Series 4, it was the first Olivia Colman one.

Jordan 0:10:27 Yeah, she got a bit of crap for that.

William 0:10:28 Yeah, she did. Well, 'cause Claire Foy was so amazing, but the—

Jordan 0:10:31 Olivia Colman's amazing.

William 0:10:32 Yeah, but— Claire Foy was so amazing.

Jordan 0:10:34 Do you remember when we had Sunday dinner behind her and you lost your shit?

William 0:10:37 Behind who?

Jordan 0:10:38 Olivia Colman. She was sat behind us.

William 0:10:40 I didn't lose my shit. I've never lost my shit in my life, other than in Manchester when I see Helen.

Jordan 0:10:46 Put his knife and fork down. There's a few of us—

William 0:10:48 You are going to utterly fabricate this.

Jordan 0:10:51 I don't want to alarm anyone, but I feel Olivia Colman is behind— Oh, it was Mikey, actually.

William 0:10:55 Yes!

Jordan 0:10:56 It was Mikey. Sorry. It was Mikey.

William 0:10:58 You know me, I couldn't give two hoots who's who.

Jordan 0:11:00 Do you remember when we met that big YouTuber and you hated her at the same place?

William 0:11:04 Oh, there's a very good reason for that. Yeah, but you make me sound like I've got problems with everyone.

Jordan 0:11:14 No, no, no, no.

William 0:11:16 The only person—

Jordan 0:11:17 Sorry, carry on.

William 0:11:18 The only person I would lose my shit meeting would be the lead. I don't know his name. Names are not important. In The Shards.

Jordan 0:11:26 Yeah,

William 0:11:26 very good looking guy.

Speaker E 0:11:27 The only person you'd lose your shit at?

William 0:11:29 Currently.

Jordan 0:11:30 Yeah. But watch The Shards.

Speaker E 0:11:33 Watch, uh, is it Igby Rigney?

William 0:11:34 That's the one, isn't it?

Speaker E 0:11:35 Igby Rigney.

William 0:11:37 I know, you'd change that, wouldn't you?

Speaker E 0:11:41 If you met Igby Rigney.

Jordan 0:11:43 Is he called Igby Rigby?

William 0:11:45 Igby Rigney.

Speaker E 0:11:46 Sorry, Igby.

Jordan 0:11:47 Igby Rigby. And does he?

William 0:11:49 He can.

Speaker E 0:11:52 Depends. The author is Brett Easton Ellis. There you go. Just to round that off.

Jordan 0:11:55 Get on it, Gene Davis. But speaking of telly, right, Traitors. No spoilers, because the thing is with Traitors, people could be listening to this 2 years behind and your episode's I went to a restaurant on Friday, my favourite restaurant, right? And she actually said that when the Traitors is on, it affects bookings because there at like half 6, which is very—

William 0:12:15 Is that why you managed to get a table?

Jordan 0:12:17 Yeah, well, no, because I, I want to be back for Traitors. It was on a Friday and I was like, I went, I can't believe it's so busy on a Friday at half 6. Nobody wants to eat a Friday at half 6. You want to go out half 7, 8, don't you? And she said it's because everybody wants to be back for The Traitors. And I was like, no way. Gosh. She said it genuinely affects bookings. Imagine being that popular of a TV show. That's amazing, isn't it?

William 0:12:38 It's very amazing.

Jordan 0:12:39 Good on them. It was good. It was this meal I was looking forward to all week, my favourite restaurant, right? And, um, she were on me deaf ear. So she come over, had me— it's like an Italian New York. I had spaghetti. I get the same thing every time. Prawn cocktail. Spaghetti meatballs.

Speaker E 0:12:56 Very Italian starter.

Jordan 0:12:57 And she started grating cheese and said, say when. I didn't hear her and I just went, yeah. And she looked at me again and went, say when. I went, yeah. And I just had a massive pile of grated cheese on me. It kind of ruined it a bit for me. I like cheese as much as the next man, but not too much. And Parmesan's very sickly.

William 0:13:14 Is it? Well, it is in that quantity.

Jordan 0:13:15 Oh yeah, it was good.

William 0:13:17 Oh, well, that's nice. Can we talk about filter coffee? I'd like justice for filter coffee. It winds me up. I had to go to Kent a few weeks ago. Don't ask me why. I went to Kent.

Jordan 0:13:28 Oh, Kent.

William 0:13:29 I was at St Pancras to get the train in the morning. It's 7 o'clock, busy old time. Oh my God, the queue for the Eurostar with pre-registration went all the way around the terminal. I was so glad I was not getting on that.

Jordan 0:13:40 What's that mean?

William 0:13:40 The pre-registration now with the EU, going to EU passport control.

Jordan 0:13:44 Oh God, what do they want now, the bloody You'll take bureaucrats. That's what they bloody are.

William 0:13:50 Anyway, I go into a coffee shop. I'll have a filter, please. They go, oh, sorry, we're out, or, oh no, we haven't done it. The coffee shop near me, same problem. Oh, we're out. And we can do you Americano. It's the same. That's going to— no, it's not. That's going to take you longer. It's going to cost the restaurant or the café more in coffee, labour, Time. Filter coffee is so straightforward. You just pump it out and then hand it over and off you go. You're in and out in like 20 seconds.

Jordan 0:14:20 Why don't you like Americano?

William 0:14:21 I just find it too— I'm getting better with them, but I find them too strong. Filter is a much smoother, crisper. Let's— restaurants and cafes, start doing filter coffee because it is better economically.

Jordan 0:14:32 Filter coffee at home. Yeah. Americanos, flat whites when you're out. Same with tea. I'd never get a tea out. Maybe at morning, at breakfast.

William 0:14:41 No.

Jordan 0:14:42 I'd never get a cup of tea out. But you are right, you've talked about this before.

William 0:14:45 I did, and it's just, it's frustrating because you're like, you could, you could probably increase your margins. Not by much, at the end of the day it's coffee, but you could increase your margins a little bit more if you actually did filter coffee more. Or you said to a member of staff, right, pause. Pause on the whole, you know, let's do oat syrup lattes with a squirt of vanilla that takes forever and the margin is much smaller on. Pause, redo the filter coffee, because for those who just want a coffee and they can add their milk at the station, it'll be quicker.

Speaker E 0:15:13 I believe it's called batch brew.

William 0:15:15 Well, it is in your part of London, yes. The rest of us call it filter coffee.

Jordan 0:15:20 If you're going to have a whinge—

William 0:15:21 But in East London, they call it batch brew and stick an extra pound on it.

Jordan 0:15:24 If you're going to have a whinge, can I have one?

William 0:15:27 You go for it, yes.

Jordan 0:15:28 If you come down to London,

William 0:15:30 I

Jordan 0:15:30 hate to be this guy.

William 0:15:31 Oh.

Jordan 0:15:33 And it is mainly tourists and people come down.

William 0:15:35 But where are they coming down from?

Jordan 0:15:36 Well, wherever.

William 0:15:37 Your part of the world? Yeah.

Jordan 0:15:39 Well, no, just everywhere, right? If you get on the tube or you get on a train or public transport, move down, right? Don't hang around.

William 0:15:47 In the carriage?

Jordan 0:15:47 Yeah, in the carriage. Because people hang around in the middle bit. Move right down the platform, right down, and then you can get people on.

William 0:15:56 Yep.

Jordan 0:15:56 Just, that's my wench. For today.

William 0:16:01 No, that's fine. Ben, do you want to get anything out of your system?

Jordan 0:16:03 Do you want anything to talk about, Ben? Nope. There's something else as well.

William 0:16:06 Your local shop ran out of kombucha this week? No?

Speaker E 0:16:10 No, we're good.

Jordan 0:16:10 You know the Everything Store near me?

William 0:16:12 Yeah.

Jordan 0:16:12 Boss man, open all hours godsend. Genuinely don't know how he does it. I went in the other day and he didn't have it in.

William 0:16:19 What?

Jordan 0:16:19 I forgot, but it's bugging me. Let me— it'll come to me. I've literally— do you know what? I've gone there in me— I've told you, I've gone there in me flippers for a can opener and a bottle of vodka.

William 0:16:27 In your flippers?

Jordan 0:16:28 In me slippers. What did it— did he even got in?

Speaker E 0:16:33 He's lost the plot.

Jordan 0:16:34 No, obviously I call it— Pingu walking down the street. I don't even know his name. He calls me—

William 0:16:39 he calls me—

Speaker E 0:16:41 I

Jordan 0:16:43 just call him boss. He's a lovely guy.

William 0:16:46 Have you not bothered to learn his name?

Jordan 0:16:48 You know, you know coffee filters for your coffee drip machines? Yeah, yeah. He even had them in. Like, usually you've got to order them on Amazon. Oh, what did I go in for? And I thought he'd have them in. It was something to do with Sunday dinner I was making.

William 0:17:00 Potatoes.

Jordan 0:17:01 No.

William 0:17:02 Bisto gravy.

Jordan 0:17:03 No.

William 0:17:04 Yorkshire puddings. Salt and pepper. Mustard.

Jordan 0:17:08 Black pudding.

William 0:17:08 Black pudding for Sunday dinner? I

Jordan 0:17:11 was doing Sunday brunch, they didn't have black pudding. It's the only time I've been in and they've not had it.

William 0:17:15 Well, that is quite specific.

Jordan 0:17:17 Black pudding. They've got everything in there. I really wanted black pudding on Sunday when I rung over. Anyway.

William 0:17:23 Well, that was a good payoff.

Jordan 0:17:25 My brothers are staying this week as well.

William 0:17:27 Are they?

Jordan 0:17:27 Yeah, they're all coming up.

William 0:17:28 Lovely. Yeah. They were down quite recently, weren't they?

Jordan 0:17:31 Oh yeah, it's like a freaking— honestly, it's like a hotel, mine.

William 0:17:34 Yes, it is.

Jordan 0:17:35 Well, yeah.

William 0:17:36 You're letting it.

Jordan 0:17:37 Well, no, you know who's got involved.

William 0:17:39 Wendy?

Jordan 0:17:40 Yeah.

William 0:17:41 Why's she got involved?

Jordan 0:17:42 I don't think it's right your brothers stay in a hotel. Well, it's in Watford. Well, you know, that's not right. They can stop at mine.

William 0:17:49 You need to be— you see, I'm— my therapist said to me at the end of my last session, which she said is an odd thing to say to me given what I do, but she said I need to work on being more assertive. So, we're going to do that next session. And I think you need to be more assertive too.

Jordan 0:18:03 What does assertive

William 0:18:04 mean? Like, you know, stand up for yourself.

Jordan 0:18:08 To Wendy?

William 0:18:10 Yeah.

Jordan 0:18:12 All right, you ring her then. Great, you ring her.

William 0:18:14 Go on, give me a phone. Give me a phone.

Jordan 0:18:16 Jordan needs to be more assertive.

William 0:18:18 No, no, I'm going to be assertive for you. I'm going to say they can't stay.

Jordan 0:18:20 Why? Well, they can stay. They're family.

William 0:18:22 You've clearly got an issue with it.

Jordan 0:18:24 I haven't. I didn't know they wanted to stay. They were gonna book an hotel. I said, no, you can stop at mine.

William 0:18:29 Well, next time you need to say no to Wendy, I'll say no for you, 'cause then I can practise being more assertive.

Jordan 0:18:34 Can I roll call?

William 0:18:36 Yep.

Jordan 0:18:37 Alright.

Speaker E 0:18:38 Roll play.

Jordan 0:18:39 Sorry, roll call. What's that?

William 0:18:41 It's like a— Jordan! Okay, what am I— give me the scenario. What am I saying no to Wendy about?

Jordan 0:18:48 Anything.

William 0:18:48 Okay, how about, let's imagine Wendy's phoned.

Jordan 0:18:52 Yeah.

William 0:18:52 I haven't answered the phone because I'm busy.

Jordan 0:18:55 Yeah.

William 0:18:55 The next time I speak to Wendy, she's gonna bite my ear off.

Jordan 0:18:59 Yeah, but you're not her son, so she won't be bothered.

William 0:19:01 I'm gonna pretend to be you, but as me, and you're gonna be Wendy. This'll make a change.

Jordan 0:19:05 Ready? Ring, ring. Ring, ring. Ring, ring.

William 0:19:09 Ring. I've answered. Hello?

Jordan 0:19:12 Where the bloody hell have you been?

William 0:19:14 I'm sorry?

Jordan 0:19:15 I am your mother! I gave birth— oh God, no wonder I've got problems. I gave birth to you! She's not this bad. She's not this bad. Why didn't you answer the phone?

William 0:19:25 I was busy.

Jordan 0:19:25 Oh, you're out gallivanting in London now, I get it. Yeah. Too important for your family. Yeah.

William 0:19:31 It sounds to me like you've got a real issue here.

Jordan 0:19:33 Who's got an issue?

William 0:19:34 You.

Jordan 0:19:34 Who do you think you're talking to, gobshite? Who do you think you are?

William 0:19:39 I was busy.

Jordan 0:19:39 Well, I said, who do you think you are?

William 0:19:40 Mother.

Jordan 0:19:41 No, I'll tell you what it is. I'll tell you what it is right now. Don't come on here giving big man on bloody phones. I'll come down there and you're still not too old for a bloody good hiding. All right? How's that bitch you're working with anyway?

William 0:19:56 Well, I think Wendy needs to allow someone to have a chance to speak.

Jordan 0:20:01 Wendy doesn't need to say a word. Who are you like? Bloody supernanny.

William 0:20:06 I'd probably just block her number.

Jordan 0:20:07 There you go.

William 0:20:08 Yeah, I think it'd be a lot easier.

Jordan 0:20:09 Yeah. Right, should we do William's Etiquette-ymology of the Week?

William 0:20:12 Yes, we will. But before we get started, there's been great debate around the lyrics of Etiquette-ymology of the Week. Now, Chairman Emeritus Stu is adamant—

Jordan 0:20:20 Great debate?

William 0:20:21 Yeah, mass debate.

Jordan 0:20:23 As in how many is it?

William 0:20:25 There's been debate.

Jordan 0:20:26 Oh, okay.

William 0:20:27 Yeah, there's 2 people have said. Yeah. Chairman Emeritus Stu was adamant it was, he'll give you manners, full stop, a subtle tweak, full stop.

Jordan 0:20:36 Yeah.

William 0:20:37 2 separate statements. Whereas literally everyone else—

Jordan 0:20:40 He'll give your manners a subtle tweak.

William 0:20:42 Well, literally everyone else in the Audio Always office said it's, he'll give your manners a subtle tweak, line continuation.

Jordan 0:20:49 So— That's what I think it is.

William 0:20:50 Let's all listen. Let's hear the jingle again.

Jordan 0:20:52 So, just for clarity, he'll give you—

William 0:20:54 Stu says it's, he'll give you manners, full stop, a subtle tweak. Full stop. Everyone else thinks it is, he'll give your manners, no full stop, a subtle tweak.

Jordan 0:21:07 Which would make sense, wouldn't it?

William 0:21:08 Yeah. We'll have a listen. What do you all think?

Speaker F 0:21:10 It's William, William, the etiquette geek. His knowledge, knowledge, quite unique. He'll give your manners, manners, a subtle tweak. It's time for William's Etiquettey-Me-Tiquettey-Monology of the Week. Cha-cha-cha, cha-cha-cha, cha-cha-cha. Cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha.

William 0:21:29 Now I can hear— I can for the first time hear both sides.

Jordan 0:21:31 No, it's actually, he'll give yer manners.

William 0:21:35 He'll give yer manners.

Jordan 0:21:36 Yer manners.

William 0:21:37 But if this was being transcribed into an on-text graphic, which I'd imagine is where this stemmed from, it probably should be your manners, even if it said yer manners.

Jordan 0:21:47 He'll give yer manners. Manners.

William 0:21:49 Well, we put it—

Speaker E 0:21:50 it's like when Jordan says, like, some sort of northernism, we just put the normal word in the subtitles.

William 0:21:55 Yeah, exactly.

Jordan 0:21:57 Yeah, those subtitles do me dirty. What do you mean?

Speaker E 0:22:00 You just shorten words and that, don't you?

William 0:22:02 Yeah. Well,

Jordan 0:22:04 we put— I just find it so weird to say, I'm going to the shop. To the shop. Yeah, to the shop.

Speaker E 0:22:09 The subtitles would say, to the shop.

Jordan 0:22:11 It just feels so wrong saying it.

William 0:22:12 Well, that's fine. That's how you speak.

Jordan 0:22:13 I'm going to the shop. I'm not going to the shop. Do you want a— I'm going to the shop. Would you want anything? That's like an extra millisecond of my life I've wasted.

William 0:22:23 We put a poll on our Instagram asking GNDers what they thought, and here are the results. 12% said, he'll give you manners a subtle tweak. 7% said, he'll give you manners— with a subtle tweak. It's definitely not that. 79% said, he'll give your manners a subtle tweak. And 1% said something else. So, 79% are correct. Have we just thought of asking Stephen, who wrote the jingle, what he is singing? We have. And what has he said? We thought about that. Oh, you've thought about it, you just haven't done it? Okay, fine.

Jordan 0:22:57 Well, rescue. It means they haven't, but

William 0:23:00 they

Jordan 0:23:01 thought about it.

William 0:26:48 Welcome back, G&D-ers. It's time for my Etiquette-etymology of the Week, where I'm going to give your manners a subtle tweak. And, um, Based on ottoman chat we had recently— can you remember that?

Jordan 0:27:03 No.

William 0:27:04 No? Well, we did, and you were saying, what the hell's an ottoman? And I said, well, it's a— basically, it's a small square or rectangular footstool that matches or is part of a suite of upholstered seating furniture. It's a puff. An ottoman and a puff, very different, and I'm going to tell you the difference.

Jordan 0:27:19 It's a small puff.

William 0:27:19 No, no.

Jordan 0:27:21 Your type.

William 0:27:24 They are usually fabric, without legs and have a padded top— your type— which is not deep-buttoned. Some may have a lid that allows storage inside, and they're often seen at the foot of a bed. The term comes from the Ottoman Empire, whose capital was in modern-day Turkey. Historically, an ottoman was a low upholstered couch upon which you reclined. They were based on the sedir or the divan seen throughout the Ottoman Empire and what is now modern-day Turkey. A sedir, however, went around the wall of a room, so almost like an L-shape, like you get L-shaped sofas today, whereas the divan was often a singular piece against a wall. Both were low wooden couches upon which loose cushions would be scattered, and you would recline. A pouf— now you've sat up— a pouffe is also a small upholstered footstool hailing from France. The name comes from the French word pouffe, which means being puffed up. A pouffe is deep-buttoned, giving it a puffed-up look, hence the name, and pouffes tend to be small and dainty. So, there we go. So, a pouffe is like a small little sort of footstool. That's puffier.

Jordan 0:28:29 No. An ottoman.

William 0:28:30 An ottoman is a longer bench.

Jordan 0:28:31 Yeah, a long one, and you can lift them up.

William 0:28:33 Some of them.

Jordan 0:28:34 Put your magazines under there.

William 0:28:35 Or blankets, or towels, or whatever you want to put. Bodies, you know, whatever you want to put, you can put there.

Jordan 0:28:40 So, that's a puff.

William 0:28:43 That's an ottoman.

Jordan 0:28:44 Right.

William 0:28:45 And a puff is smaller.

Jordan 0:28:46 But I've got a— I don't— when you next come to mine, because I've got a big puff, I think.

William 0:28:53 Well, send me a photo and I'll tell you what it is.

Jordan 0:28:55 I'll send you a photo of me big puff and me little puff, and you can tell me which is which. Yeah. In fact, I've got 3 puffs. I just need a piano now. Oh no, it's Four Puffs.

William 0:29:05 That is a very old—

Jordan 0:29:08 That was very funny, and it was also a very old reference. Oh, you wouldn't get away with that now, would you?

William 0:29:13 You absolutely wouldn't.

Jordan 0:29:13 I'm a house band called Four Puffs and a Piano.

William 0:29:15 It was Jonathan Ross. He had a musical act on his show that would play on the guests, and they were called the Four Puffs and the Piano.

Jordan 0:29:22 They were great.

William 0:29:23 I can't really remember watching the show, to be honest. So—

Jordan 0:29:26 They still go in Four Puffs and a Piano. Oh, they must. I bet you can book them for weddings. It'll probably be like Sugar Babes. There'll be like 4 or 5 different versions of it.

William 0:29:36 Yes, Jade Ewen's probably one of the Four Puffs and a Piano now.

Jordan 0:29:39 Who?

William 0:29:40 Jade Ewen.

Speaker E 0:29:41 They're playing in London next month.

Jordan 0:29:43 Get away!

William 0:29:44 Can we go?

Jordan 0:29:45 Can they record us a jingle?

William 0:29:46 Don't put Stephen out of work.

Speaker E 0:29:49 Yeah, Four Puffs. Yeah, famed for Friday Night with Jonathan Ross. They're They're playing Fox and Firkin.

Jordan 0:29:54 Well, if we need a house band, we can get them. Next tour.

William 0:29:57 I prefer an R&B band.

Jordan 0:30:01 Before we get onto your modern-day dilemmas, tomorrow we've got another Patreon exclusives episode.

William 0:30:05 Ooh! Ooh?

Jordan 0:30:07 No, you did it a bit early.

William 0:30:08 I wanted to ooh early.

Jordan 0:30:10 Oh, okay.

William 0:30:11 Mix it up. That's right, premium members of our Patreon channel help I Sex with My Boss out of office. I've done it. I've done it. I've done it, I went early. Plus échange. They get a brand new episode every Wednesday.

Jordan 0:30:22 Last Wednesday saw us tackle the most posh and common things related to autumn.

William 0:30:26 So tomorrow's Out of Office episode is a reaction spesh, where we'll be reacting to classic Sexted moments from over the years, and reacting to the various lovely and not so lovely comments left on our episodes. You can head to sextedmyboss.com/patreon to watch and listen.

Jordan 0:30:41 Did you do my bit there 'cause you knew I was holding in a yawn? That was very sweet, if so.

William 0:30:46 Oh, no, I just went into autopilot.

Jordan 0:30:48 Now it's time for your questions and dilemmas. So here we go, what have we got?

William 0:30:52 Okay, this is from Anonymous. Dear William Jordan and the team, I have a bit of a dilemma and I'm not sure whether I'm being ambitious, selfish, or just slightly ridiculous. I've entered an Ironman. What's that?

Jordan 0:31:02 I thought you'd be good at that, it's ironing.

William 0:31:04 Oh, now I'm in.

Jordan 0:31:06 You iron some bedding and clothes.

William 0:31:08 Yes.

Jordan 0:31:08 And then the best ironer gets labelled the Ironman of 2026.

William 0:31:14 Seems very gender-specific. Why can't it be Ironperson?

Jordan 0:31:17 You can— there's Ironman. It's actually aimed at men to try and get more men into ironing.

William 0:31:23 Oh.

Jordan 0:31:23 Because even in 2026, most of the ironing is left to women.

William 0:31:27 Which is wrong.

Jordan 0:31:28 So they have an Ironman competition, and it's like blokes ironing, seeing how they can get creases out and stuff. I think you'd be really good at it.

William 0:31:36 Okay, well, let's go back to Anonymous. The problem is they haven't told their boyfriend yet. Now, we don't know what gender Anonymous is. But presumably male because he's doing Ironman. He actually told me that he thinks I shouldn't enter one at the moment. I've been slightly unwell and I need to have surgery, and his view is that I've got the rest of my life to do an Ironman, so why put myself through it? You don't really have the rest of your life, do you, to do it? I don't think you can do an Ironman at like 80.

Jordan 0:32:02 I wouldn't be surprised. Okay. You need to get yourself a good board.

William 0:32:05 Okay. I completely understand where he's coming from, but I've gone and entered one anyway. So now I have 2 opinions. Do I tell him now, knowing he'll probably think I'm mad and potentially risk him hating the idea? Or do I keep it to myself for now, have the surgery, get fitter, and start training properly, and tell him once I'm further into the process and he can see that I'm coping with it? Sincerely, a potentially Ironman-sized secret. I don't think there should be secrets between you and whoever you're in a relationship with, so I think you probably need to tell them.

Jordan 0:32:32 Yeah, but maybe he's, he's just looking out for you. 'Cause having an operation, you know, you do need your body to recover. And if you're training for an Ironman—

William 0:32:40 It depends where the operation is on your body and how that's going to affect the ironing. Can you do an Ironman sitting down?

Jordan 0:32:49 No, you need to be full fit. So maybe if you have an operation, maybe it could be something you concentrate on after you're up, and then you get yourself—

William 0:32:58 Yeah, it's something to get you through it.

Jordan 0:32:59 Unless you're having like a leg off or something, then— Probably best to do it after.

William 0:33:03 Well, you could do, you could do the ironing sitting down. I've done that before. If you just lower the board and you can just sit there and watch the TV. Yeah. Which works.

Jordan 0:33:11 Yeah.

William 0:33:11 But no secrets. Yeah, no secrets.

Jordan 0:33:14 But he's just looking out for you and maybe just have a think. It might be best to do it after you're up, when you've recovered. Something to—

William 0:33:20 Yeah, get you through.

Jordan 0:33:20 Get you through it and focus on.

William 0:33:22 And spend this year sort of low-key training.

Jordan 0:33:24 Yeah.

William 0:33:25 Subtly. This is from Poppy. Dear William Jordan and the rest of the lovely Sexted team, as a Gen Z person, I appreciate I'm potentially asking the wrong people for advice here. How rude. But my friends have been absolutely useless and you are quite literally my last hope. Thank you.

Jordan 0:33:41 It's what we're here for.

William 0:33:42 My boyfriend has started using we when talking about things he's very much doing alone. The other day he said, we really need to stop eating so much cheese.

Jordan 0:33:52 I do this. I was at work. I say we all the time.

William 0:33:54 I hadn't eaten cheese that day. I hadn't even been in the house. The man had apparently sat there and eaten an entire block of cheddar by himself. And decided it was a joint effort.

Jordan 0:34:03 Oh.

William 0:34:03 And now he's doing it with everything. We really need to get better at saving money while ordering £60 of Deliveroo. We need to drink less when I've had one glass of wine and he's 3 pints deep. We should probably start going to the gym when I haven't even seen him for 2 weeks. At what point do I tell him that we is actually just him and his terrible life choices? As we're long distance, I won't be seeing him for a while, so could you please help me compose a text that is jovial and loving but also gets across the important message of, babe, I love you, but cut the shit out because it's getting on my tits. Love you both. I wouldn't do it via text.

Jordan 0:34:35 I— yeah, I wouldn't do it via text. Next time he says it, just say—

William 0:34:39 Go, can we take a minute?

Jordan 0:34:41 Can I stop you there?

William 0:34:42 When you say we, who do you mean?

Jordan 0:34:44 Yeah, and I think he actually is saying we because he probably wants you by his side. It's actually quite cute. He wants you to— maybe wants you to— you need to say to him, it's not me that's spending money, it's you ordering takeaways. I think you need to give him a bit of tough love. Uh, well, it's not me that needs to go to gym because I go 3 times a week, it's you. Uh, it's not me that needs to stop eating cheese, it's you. But I will help you. I think that's— I think it's kind of a bit of a call for help, maybe. He wants support. Yeah. And stuff.

William 0:35:14 There's clearly some issues going on.

Jordan 0:35:15 And then say, so if you, if, if you want to get back in the gym, we will go together. If you want to spend less money We will do that together. I will help you spend less money. Yeah. That kind of thing. Yeah.

William 0:35:26 Yeah. I think that's it. But don't do it via text, Poppy. I know you're long distance. You're just going to have to wait.

Jordan 0:35:31 Do it on phone. Yes. At least.

William 0:35:33 FaceTime.

Jordan 0:35:34 Exactly.

William 0:35:34 Yeah. Yeah. And say it with a smile.

Jordan 0:35:36 Yeah.

William 0:35:37 Kill them with kindness.

Jordan 0:35:37 Exactly. And it'll be a bit of a shock to him.

William 0:35:40 Yes. It could be the royal we, because sometimes I've said to people, we, meaning me, but I'm just sort of doing it a bit grandly. And that confuses people because younger generations have not heard of the royal we. or are not yet aware of it.

Jordan 0:35:51 What's that?

William 0:35:51 You know, we are not amused.

Jordan 0:35:54 Oh yeah.

William 0:35:55 Yeah. This is from Matt. Dear William, Jordan, and EPB, after a long dry spell, I decided to re-download Grindr to see if I could get some local action. To my surprise, a chap appeared who was after some quick, no-strings fun and was only a 2-minute walk away. He said he was at a friend's house, so the assumption was he was house-sitting. So I headed over for some quick relief. He met me at the door and led me upstairs. All seemed normal until we entered the bedroom. He started undoing his trousers as I entered the room. He then uttered the words, it's okay if he watches, isn't it? To my utter surprise and shock, he pointed towards an elderly gentleman in the bed. At no point had he asked or even hinted there being another person in attendance. I politely declined and asked if we could do it downstairs, to which— I think that's what he wanted. To which he seemed offended that I wasn't up for having an ageing voyeur and proceeded to lead me downstairs. He then Opened the front door and said, sorry, mate, it was a bit of a dealbreaker, and showed me out. I walked home in complete shock. So what's the etiquette for when you're about to get down to business and you are surprised with an elderly voyeur? My friend suggested putting a blanket over him with a peephole, but that just seemed a bit cruel. Yes. Thanks for the ongoing laughs, Matt.

Jordan 0:37:00 I mean, no, I think he could have said before.

William 0:37:03 Yeah, you absolutely should have said— that other person should have said before.

Jordan 0:37:05 Do you mind if me mate watches?

William 0:37:06 Regardless of age of the foyer, you would— you should flag in advance that you're going to be watched.

Jordan 0:37:15 Yeah, no, you weren't in the wrong there. It definitely should have been, can we make watch in the corner in bed?

William 0:37:22 Yeah, you shouldn't just sort of spring it upon them.

Jordan 0:37:24 So he's gone round?

William 0:37:25 He's gone round for a bit of, you know, nookie.

Jordan 0:37:28 And the guy's the same age as him?

William 0:37:29 Yeah. And then in the corner is an older gentleman.

Speaker E 0:37:33 In the bed?

William 0:37:33 I mean, in the room. Yeah, whatever.

Speaker E 0:37:36 He's not even on a cuck chair, surely?

Jordan 0:37:37 I know.

Speaker E 0:37:39 If you're gonna do it, do it properly.

William 0:37:40 I would say it's irrelevant whether he's in the bed or in the chair or, you know.

Speaker E 0:37:43 Yeah, yeah. But surely if you're in the bed, then you're gonna be closer to the reaction.

Jordan 0:37:46 Why am I getting visions of your man from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory?

William 0:37:49 Grandpa.

Jordan 0:37:52 Oh, fuck. I bet you— I've seen a meme about this. I bet that room fucking stunk. You know, all 4 of them in bed. But yeah, why am I getting the image of all 4 of them top-tailing in bed? They were piss poor, Charlie's family, weren't they?

William 0:38:06 Well,

Jordan 0:38:06 yeah. Cheer up, Charlie. Trambo, his mum in the laundrette.

William 0:38:10 In the laundrette?

Jordan 0:38:12 Have you seen Willy Wonka?

William 0:38:14 Yeah, but not for a while.

Speaker E 0:38:15 Which one? Where's the laundrette?

Jordan 0:38:18 She works in a laundrette. She's a big— she does. She does.

Speaker E 0:38:25 The original, the old one?

Jordan 0:38:27 Yeah, the old— yes, the old one.

William 0:38:28 Gene Wilder one.

Jordan 0:38:30 Yeah, she works in a laundrette. She's got a big spoon. She's going, cheer up, Charlie. The weather is—

William 0:38:37 Is this like you confusing Oliver and Mary Poppins, which is a continual thing?

Jordan 0:38:40 Right. It's one of my favourite films. He thinks he has a golden ticket.

William 0:38:44 I've never heard you mention it before.

Jordan 0:38:46 He has a golden ticket, and she's working in a laundrette with a big thing.

Speaker G 0:38:50 She doesn't.

Jordan 0:38:51 What's she doing then?

Speaker G 0:38:52 She's just a homemaker.

Jordan 0:38:52 Is it in the Ralphs?

Speaker G 0:38:56 She does the laundry of the family.

Jordan 0:38:57 Oh, I thought she worked in a laundrette. No, she does. She works in lingerie.

William 0:39:02 Well, should we, should we watch that?

Jordan 0:39:04 That's what Doc Cotton's character was based on. Cheer up, Charlie. What's the song? The weather is bright. Anyway, that's the image I've got. The image of Charlie's grandpa in bed with his little feet hanging out. Oh, you could let him have a wank and watch.

Speaker G 0:39:24 No,

Jordan 0:39:25 no, no, you're right. You need permission.

William 0:39:27 You need to create some boundaries.

Jordan 0:39:29 Yeah.

William 0:39:29 This is from anonymous. I've just bought my first home.

Jordan 0:39:31 I have a little toggy corner.

Speaker E 0:39:33 What's the grandpa called?

Jordan 0:39:36 Grandpa Joe.

Speaker E 0:39:38 Is it?

William 0:39:39 Yeah. Correct. I think that is correct, yeah. You got that in the bag.

Speaker E 0:39:43 That's your favourite film.

William 0:39:44 Can you name the other children that went to the—

Jordan 0:39:47 Augustus, have some Valletta!

William 0:39:48 Augustus who?

Jordan 0:39:51 Gloop.

William 0:39:51 Well done. What's the other one?

Jordan 0:39:53 Violet.

William 0:39:53 Violet what?

Jordan 0:39:54 It's you. You're Violet.

William 0:39:56 Bollergard.

Jordan 0:39:56 Daddy! Daddy! Veronica. Violet! You're turning violet, Violet!

William 0:40:01 Veronica.

Jordan 0:40:02 Monica?

William 0:40:04 No, and— Not Veronica. Mike TV. Mike TV.

Jordan 0:40:08 I've been compared to Mike TV a few times in my life.

William 0:40:11 In what way?

Jordan 0:40:12 Just annoying kid.

Speaker E 0:40:13 There's descriptions on Google of the different characters. Mike TV is described as a violent, aggressive boy obsessed entirely with watching television.

William 0:40:22 No, that's not you. That's not you.

Speaker E 0:40:25 It's not Veronica, by the way, just to—

William 0:40:27 Yeah, it's Violet.

Speaker E 0:40:28 Violet! There is Violet, and there is one more who turns into the blueberry. Yes. Oh no, that's Violet.

Jordan 0:40:33 That's Violet. He goes, Violet, you're turning violet, Violet! It's a great film.

Speaker E 0:40:37 William's trying to cheat here, by the way.

Jordan 0:40:39 No, don't tell me it's Veronica. Is he to mouth—

William 0:40:40 No, is it?

Speaker E 0:40:41 It's not Veronica!

Jordan 0:40:42 No, there's Violet Augustus Seveson-Faleta. He's the first guy who gets caught in thing.

Speaker E 0:40:47 In the chocolate.

Jordan 0:40:48 Yes.

William 0:40:49 This is pointing to her shoe.

Speaker G 0:40:50 No, my foot.

Speaker E 0:40:52 Alright, stop cheating.

Jordan 0:40:53 Oh, don't tell me. This is not William.

William 0:40:54 Veruca. Veruca Salt.

Speaker E 0:40:55 Yeah.

Jordan 0:40:55 Veruca Salt.

Speaker E 0:40:56 It's like William with the New York Times mini crossword, just Googling the answers.

Jordan 0:41:01 Okay.

William 0:41:02 That was once.

Jordan 0:41:03 Cheer up. Is she not liking her laundrette? Is it in her house? Well, I never. Poor child, you were piss poor.

William 0:41:09 Right, this is from anonymous. I've just bought my first home at 20 and I'm renovating alone.

Jordan 0:41:13 Oh, get you.

William 0:41:14 I have given family members a key Just in case. However, they keep turning up to help me when I'm at work and doing jobs. I know this sounds helpful, but I have asked them to stop, as I have an order I'm doing things in, and it's not really being that helpful. How can I ask for my key back or make my point clearer? If they need to enter my house, they need to ask permission before doing so when I'm not there. Anonymous. Well, you either change the locks. That's step one, is what I'd do. And then they literally won't be able to come in. You don't give them another key. Or again, You're assertive and you go, please don't come round unless you've asked my permission. Leave it at that. You've said please, you've made your boundaries perfectly clear, you're the homeowner, ends.

Jordan 0:41:53 Again, you clearly don't have any family.

William 0:41:55 I do have quite a lot of family, actually.

Jordan 0:41:58 Well, not like mine.

William 0:41:59 Change the locks then.

Speaker E 0:42:01 That would be insane.

William 0:42:04 What?

Jordan 0:42:04 I think you—

Speaker E 0:42:05 changing the locks.

William 0:42:06 Well, no, I would say—

Speaker E 0:42:07 Then ask for the key back.

William 0:42:08 Yeah, then ask for the key back. Or you say you can keep a key in case, you know, there's some medical emergency or whatever. just don't come around without permission.

Jordan 0:42:18 Yeah, just say, say either, can I have the key back? I need to give it to someone else. I need it as a spare. Or the thing I find is you can be quite honest and brutally upfront with your family. Just say, you do me head in. I've got my own system going on here. I don't want you— if you want to come and help, come and help when I need help. Or if you're going to help me a certain thing, don't do your own thing. That's how I'd say it.

William 0:42:40 Yeah, you just, just make you— make your boundaries perfectly clear and don't, and don't apologise for having boundaries either. It is your house. Your house, your rules.

Speaker E 0:42:48 Sorry, just to go back quickly to Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and the—

William 0:42:50 Oh, for God's sake.

Speaker E 0:42:51 The ongoing debate about whether Charlie's mother worked in the laundrette. Social Joe has just sent me an image that states that Charlie does visit his mother at the industrial laundrette.

Speaker H 0:43:02 Thank you!

Speaker G 0:43:03 Thank you!

Speaker E 0:43:04 I wanted to correct that.

Speaker H 0:43:05 Thank you, Joe. Thank you. He goes and sees her and she sings, cheer up, Charlie. Yeah, she's got the big spoon. She's stirring all the things.

Speaker G 0:43:14 She's cleaning her own stuff. She doesn't work there. She's in a bloody laundrette!

William 0:43:17 Oh my God, this is gonna be the thing that ends the podcast.

Speaker G 0:43:20 I know this film like the back of my hand. She's in the original.

Speaker E 0:43:22 1971.

Speaker G 0:43:24 Charlie, don't be a drag. She's walking on the street. She doesn't work there. She's just doing the laundry. Well, maybe he does go—

Speaker H 0:43:29 maybe he goes to see her in the laundry.

Jordan 0:43:30 Right, well, it's been a while since I've seen it, but she works in a laundrette.

Speaker G 0:43:34 You back down too easily.

Jordan 0:43:36 No, sorry, Jo. Jo's like, you back down too easily. We'll watch the film.

William 0:43:39 I have never seen this team so animated about anything ever.

Jordan 0:43:43 Cheer up, really.

William 0:43:44 It's so tense in the studio.

Jordan 0:43:45 Come on, do another one.

William 0:43:46 This is for— this is for Steph or from Steph? This is from Steph. I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Jordan 0:43:52 Don't be facetious.

William 0:43:53 No, I was just checking in case it was for Steph. This is from, for, to, about Steph. I'd love to hear your thoughts on a predicament I found myself in. My boyfriend and I, cohabiting— slag— absolutely love—

Jordan 0:44:08 What does that mean? Cohabiting?

William 0:44:10 Well, they begin to sin. What does small—

Speaker H 0:44:12 oh, they live together.

William 0:44:13 Yeah, but they're not married. Absolutely love our Ninja air fryer. Cobbin slag. So much so, I believe we have overused it.

Jordan 0:44:24 Sorry, Steph.

William 0:44:24 I'm being funny. And unfortunately gave up on us at the last weekend. Because we were kindly gifted the air fryer, we have been unable to locate the receipt, warranty, or any proof of purchase, so are unable to get it fixed. My boyfriend's parents insisted on buying us a replacement as we recently looked after their dog for a week. I want to highlight that I would never ask for anything for looking after their dog. I love him to pieces. Anyway, when my boyfriend's dad brought round a budget brand air fryer in which the settings are depicted with pictures of chicken, pizza, and steak, it's safe to say it wasn't quite the calibre of air fryer I'm used to. Yeah. I expressed my dissatisfaction to my boyfriend when his dad had left. And which resulted in a full-blown argument about me being ungrateful. My boyfriend's argument was that it cost us nothing, therefore I can't say I don't want it. My argument is that it's tacky, and I'd much rather kindly suggest to my father-in-law that we return it and there be with him to pick a more suitable one. What is the correct etiquette in this situation? Should I just put up or shut up, or can I kindly and gently ask to select an air fryer I'd actually want to use? Many thanks.

Jordan 0:45:27 I, I think you're gonna have to put up and shut up. Yes, definitely agree. I need a new air fryer. Mine's not the best. I want a double drawer. A double drawer.

William 0:45:38 You do need a twin drawer if you're gonna

Speaker E 0:45:40 have a fat fryer. Why do you need a twin drawer?

William 0:45:41 You can do 2 things at the same time.

Speaker E 0:45:43 How much air frying are you doing?

Jordan 0:45:45 Do you not have an air fryer?

Speaker E 0:45:46 No, and I really want one.

Jordan 0:45:48 You haven't lived, lad. You haven't lived. Honestly, the amount of times it's rescued— because you just come in and just quick tea. I do bacon in air fryer and everything now. Um, I think you're gonna have to put up and shut up, personally.

William 0:45:59 Yeah, I think they have done a nice thing for you, and you need to acknowledge that regardless of whether it's the right one or not. Um, you can't then go, oh yeah, sorry, I actually like the more expensive one, because I'm going to assume that the one you want is, uh, maybe higher end if it's Ninja. That's, I believe, that's the brand or the market leader. So, you can't really do that.

Jordan 0:46:22 Yeah, I don't— I agree with William there. Or maybe, you know, keep that one, buy yourself a new one, and when they come around, just swap them.

William 0:46:29 Yeah.

Jordan 0:46:30 Which is a bit of a pain in the arse.

William 0:46:31 Or you could, if you really wanted to, and you probably don't need to do this, you could create some sort of ruse like, oh, my other friend who works for Ninja gave me this one. It's a 2-drawer one, and seeing as it's 2-drawer and the other one you've given me is 1-drawer, we don't need it anymore. However, you did gift it to us. What would you like us to do with it? Would you like it? Would you like us to sell it and we'll give you the money? Blah, blah, blah. But you can't go, ooh, sorry. Well, it's got chicken, steak, and pizza icons, and I want it to actually have button labels. I don't want it—

Jordan 0:46:59 Are you offended by someone's snobbery?

William 0:47:01 Yes, actually.

Jordan 0:47:02 You here?

William 0:47:03 Yes.

Jordan 0:47:03 I think someone's out-snobbed William Hanson.

William 0:47:06 Well, it's not snob. It's just a fun— it is slightly ungrateful, Steph. They've done a nice thing for you. And Steph, why didn't you go and buy your own replacement one?

Speaker E 0:47:14 Right, well, thanks for listening so far, Steph. And hope you find a new car soon. Not enough time.

Jordan 0:47:20 Poor Steph. Start off by calling

Speaker E 0:47:22 her—

William 0:47:23 No, I was joking.

Jordan 0:47:24 He was joking. Yeah, Steph, he was, he was only— she'll know. The Gene Divas have got a great sense of humour. She'll know.

William 0:47:28 We hope.

Jordan 0:47:29 Yeah, if not, we'll see you in court.

William 0:47:31 Uh,

Jordan 0:47:32 I

William 0:47:32 don't think you— I can be sued for any of that. Again, I hope.

Jordan 0:47:36 These days, this day and age. Uh, thank you for your questions and dilemmas. Remember, you can listen to new episodes every Tuesday and Friday, or even join us tomorrow for an exclusive Help I Sexed My Boss Out of this episode on Patreon. You can send your tales of trepidation to help@sexandmyboss.com, or you can DM us. We're @sexandmyboss on the socials. Get in touch, and we'll see you soon.

William 0:47:57 Goodbye.