Help I Hate His Name | And Mr Pantry Moth

Jordan North 0:01:05 Hello and welcome to Help, I Sexted My Boss, the podcast where we help you navigate the challenges of modern life, answering your 21st century questions and finding solutions to those everyday dilemmas. Like, should you tell your optician you got semen in straight after laser eye surgery? Or is it ever okay to pay the tradesman with chilli after they fix your shower? It wasn't a tradesman, it was, it was my friend from the pub.

William Hanson 0:01:40 Okay.

Jordan North 0:01:40 And what should you do if you've accidentally sexted your boss? But we're not usual agony ants, are we, William Hanson, the UK's leading etiquette expert?

William Hanson 0:01:47 No, we're not, Jordan North, radio presenter. I'm more owed for gas, you're more full of gas. That's from Daz. Used to love his doorstep challenge.

Jordan North 0:01:56 Very good. Thank you. I'm very good. And I would— we— how much do I owe you now?

William Hanson 0:02:01 £125.

Jordan North 0:02:02 Oh, for God's sake. Just remind me and I'll pay it for you.

William Hanson 0:02:04 I'm reminding you now.

Jordan North 0:02:06 Okay, I'll sort it out. I'll sort it out after this. What's this you've got here?

William Hanson 0:02:09 Well, we ran out of gin and, uh, we found that in the other studio. Tarquin's Gin.

Jordan North 0:02:13 Oh God, of course it is. Tarquin's Gin.

William Hanson 0:02:16 I hope he doesn't mind us using it.

Jordan North 0:02:18 And look, it's— it looks like something out of Harry Potter. It looks like this— the bottle looks like that from

William Hanson 0:02:24 It's got like a blue

Jordan North 0:02:25 wax seal. Maker's Mark. It's like Maker's Mark whiskey. It's got a little wax thing on.

William Hanson 0:02:30 Yeah.

Jordan North 0:02:31 Okay, well, we'll leave us ours.

William Hanson 0:02:32 Oh, I haven't done that for a while.

Jordan North 0:02:34 Go on, give us yours. I've got a paddle after this.

William Hanson 0:02:39 Have you?

Jordan North 0:02:40 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:02:40 Well, drink up.

Jordan North 0:02:41 So I don't want to be— I want to be—

William Hanson 0:02:44 Now, Ben has kept this bottle in the fridge, so thank you, Ben. That will make—

Jordan North 0:02:47 Are you meant to keep it in the fridge?

William Hanson 0:02:49 Yes, you are. Read the back. Sorry, I say read the back. For about 3 years on this podcast, we didn't read the back, and we didn't keep it in the fridge. But you are meant to keep it in the fridge.

Jordan North 0:02:57 Oh, are you?

William Hanson 0:02:58 We are going to toast Julie via her daughter, Grace.

Jordan North 0:03:01 Julie!

William Hanson 0:03:02 Julie, who has messaged in to say, hi boys, could you please toast my mum, Julie, who has recently celebrated her 60th birthday on a cruise to the Norwegian fjords? My mum listens every episode and came to see your live show in Wembley. Well, Julie, this is to you and to your 60th birthday that Grace has kindly told us your age. Happy birthday.

Jordan North 0:03:23 Happy birthday. Enjoy the Norwegian fjords. You know what I'm going to ask, don't you?

William Hanson 0:03:27 What? What are fjords?

Jordan North 0:03:29 What are the Norwegian— is that like their version of the rug?

William Hanson 0:03:32 No, a fjord is—

Jordan North 0:03:34 Have you only got a Norwegian—

William Hanson 0:03:35 It's a boat thing. So, you go through the valley. Oh, is it a fjord? And you're like in between mountains.

Jordan North 0:03:42 I think of some pictures.

Speaker E 0:03:44 It's a big lake. Hi, guys.

Jordan North 0:03:45 Is it a massive lake?

Speaker E 0:03:46 There are many massive lakes.

William Hanson 0:03:48 But you go in between them normally, don't you? Sort

Speaker E 0:03:50 of. What do

William Hanson 0:03:51 you mean? Well, you sail in between.

Speaker E 0:03:53 You go through them.

William Hanson 0:03:54 Through them.

Jordan North 0:03:54 Have you done it?

Speaker E 0:03:55 It's like a loch.

Jordan North 0:03:57 A loch. Yeah. It's somewhat I'd like to do. I have to think of some pictures. So, is it a massive lake that you've got to sail through?

William Hanson 0:04:04 There are several of them, yes. Many.

Jordan North 0:04:06 And you can— a cruise ship, they're that big a cruise ship can go through?

William Hanson 0:04:09 I don't know if it's the size of a conventional cruise ship, but a boat of some capacity. Yeah, I think it is a conventional cruise ship.

Speaker E 0:04:14 conventional cruise ship.

William Hanson 0:04:15 Oh, is it? Gosh.

Speaker E 0:04:16 A fjord is a long and narrow and deep sea inlet with steep cliffs or mountains on its sides formed by ancient glaciers. There we go.

Jordan North 0:04:25 Have you ever been on a cruise?

William Hanson 0:04:27 Uh, I did a crossing. I did the Queen Mary 2 from Southampton to New York.

Jordan North 0:04:31 That's a cruise? How long did that take?

William Hanson 0:04:33 Well, it's not a cruise. I would say cruise is where you stop off.

Jordan North 0:04:35 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:04:35 You don't stop off in the middle of— you mean you, you don't want to stop off in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean.

Jordan North 0:04:39 How long did that take?

William Hanson 0:04:41 6 nights, I think.

Jordan North 0:04:42 God.

William Hanson 0:04:43 Yeah.

Jordan North 0:04:43 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:04:45 And obviously I'm on a cruise, you know, I used to be on a cruise every night in the West End. Not like that.

Jordan North 0:04:53 I

William Hanson 0:04:53 just want to point out.

Jordan North 0:04:54 Have you ever been on a cruise? In the show. Have you ever been on a— some of these ships now are massive, aren't they?

William Hanson 0:04:59 Oh, and they've got like theme parks on them. No, I'm just saying. And you're like, that is going to sink.

Jordan North 0:05:03 I've been on the Virgin one, but it didn't move. It was just the opening. It was a big piss-up. One of the worst hangovers. This is my top 5 hangovers. The Virgin cruise.

William Hanson 0:05:11 Yeah, it was the launch or something, wasn't

Jordan North 0:05:13 it? Yeah. I was shit-faced. It was all free beer.

William Hanson 0:05:16 We should say, huge development, not only putting the Duvalier in the fridge this episode, but very sweetly, the production team have put the script in Comic Sans for you.

Jordan North 0:05:26 And highlighted it for me. Look at that.

William Hanson 0:05:28 Yep.

Jordan North 0:05:28 How nice is that?

William Hanson 0:05:29 I mean, my font is not Baskerville, like I asked for. Just want to say that, but you know. Okay.

Jordan North 0:05:36 It actually does help. If anyone's dyslexic and ever reading out loud or, or doing a presentation, get it in Comic Sans.

William Hanson 0:05:43 I'd love to know the science behind that. If there's anyone that knows this.

Jordan North 0:05:46 And get it yellow highlighted. So you see there, see there where it is. Really helps. Really helps. Yeah. Well, that's very kind of you. Thank you. We're an inclusive bunch here at Help I Sucks and My Boss. We are. Aren't we? What are we gonna do about Ben then? How are we gonna help him? Do you want a little— one of those little dogs to come in?

William Hanson 0:06:09 He's got one.

Jordan North 0:06:09 He's got one. Excuse me, Joe, you don't want a little— what are they called? Support dog. Army support.

William Hanson 0:06:17 Maybe he

Jordan North 0:06:17 can't even look after me, never mind another bloody dog. Be all around London every time they're pissing off for the weekend. And where's my mommy? I haven't seen her for ages. I mean, no more than usual, but ages. My report of missing. All right, Diego, get out. Well, get another support dog. Who do you think you are? All right, well, we're not gonna get you a support dog, Ben.

William Hanson 0:06:40 We could get him an emotional support blanket.

Jordan North 0:06:42 Yeah, get him an emotional support blanket.

William Hanson 0:06:45 Seeing as he is a producer. That's a musical theatre reference. Very niche, but a few people got it. Don't worry. Um,

Speaker E 0:06:51 what are you on about?

William Hanson 0:06:52 It's for the higher—

Speaker E 0:06:53 it's for the higher—

William Hanson 0:06:54 it's for the listeners who are on my wavelength.

Jordan North 0:06:57 Have you got anything wrong with you? Because, you know, like— Oh yes. feel like, um, well, I'll be honest, I'm deeply anxious. I've got OCD, I've got ADHD. Undiagnosed. Um, dyslexic, possibly, possibly dyspraxic as well, because my mum and brother are. In fact, a lot of people that work with dyspraxic kids have said, I think you're dyspraxic. Um, deaf in one ear, colorblind. Uh, what else? Me eyesight's going. That's 9, that's 8 things. Jesus Christ.

Speaker E 0:07:33 And I can't count.

Jordan North 0:07:34 Mood swings. I've got a bad gut. Honestly, it's 10 off the top of me head. What about you? There's nothing wrong with you. You're literally the most even-keeled. I mean, you're a bit highly strung and irritating at times, but other than that, who isn't?

Speaker E 0:07:52 Anything else to get off the chest?

Jordan North 0:07:54 You're just—

William Hanson 0:07:55 you're— Oh, no, I've got loads that's wrong with me.

Jordan North 0:07:56 No, you haven't.

William Hanson 0:07:57 I do.

Jordan North 0:07:58 What?

William Hanson 0:07:58 Just that people don't see it because I sound like this.

Jordan North 0:08:01 Oh, that's just bliss.

William Hanson 0:08:04 It's not bliss.

Jordan North 0:08:05 Anyway, how's your week been?

William Hanson 0:08:07 Yes, it's been fine in my perfect life. Yeah. Yeah, no, it's been okay, thank you. I tell you what, it sort of stayed with me since we were on— a few months ago now, but since we were on holiday in Chicago. I went— one of my sort of perks, and we'd stayed in all this area before, same as where you stayed. There is one of my favourites, a chain across America, uh, Levain Bakery, which— and they do just the most delicious cookies that you can have warm. Oh, but they've started serving them à la mode, and I thought, à la mode? I mean, I've heard of it before, but—

Jordan North 0:08:39 You're in my year at school.

William Hanson 0:08:42 À la mode, I thought, meant of the fashion. So, if you were sort of dressed à la mode, that's what à la mode means. But in American dining, à la mode, for whatever reason, means with ice cream. So, it's completely separate from what à la mode actually means. So, I did a bit of research, and basically, 100 years ago or so, they served— some restaurant somewhere served a slice of pie. Pie is very big in America— with ice cream, and it became fashionable to serve pie with ice cream, whereas previously it would have been cream or something, or on its own. And so it was fashionable to serve pie with ice cream. So they borrowed the French à la mode, meaning of the fashion or in the fashion of. And so if you go into America and you say, I'll have pie à la mode, it means pie with ice cream. And I think asking for any pudding, you know, crumble or whatever we have here— À la mode. Sticky toffee pudding, à la mode. It's a bit chic.

Jordan North 0:09:34 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:09:34 It sort of elevates it.

Jordan North 0:09:35 I do prefer ice cream with me hot puddings. You call it à la mode? À la mode.

William Hanson 0:09:39 I'll have I'll have spotted dick à la mode.

Jordan North 0:09:42 What's à la carte? I always get mixed up with that. I've never heard of à la mode before you mentioned it today, by the way.

William Hanson 0:09:46 À la carte. Well, that was à la mode's brother.

Jordan North 0:09:47 À la carte. What is that? That's like the menu, isn't it?

William Hanson 0:09:51 That's the menu.

Jordan North 0:09:51 What does it mean?

William Hanson 0:09:52 Well, an à la carte menu is—

Jordan North 0:09:54 It's just the menu?

William Hanson 0:09:54 It's not a set menu. It's the whole— it's the whole shebang. Most menus are à la carte in restaurants.

Jordan North 0:10:00 Right. What's al fresco? That's outside.

William Hanson 0:10:02 Outside. That's different.

Jordan North 0:10:03 Is there any other al's that we need to know when eating?

William Hanson 0:10:05 Al dente.

Jordan North 0:10:06 Yeah, what's that?

William Hanson 0:10:07 Or al dente, as a relative calls it.

Jordan North 0:10:09 What's al dente?

William Hanson 0:10:10 Slightly got a bit of bite. So, you want your vegetables and pasta sort of— you don't want it too flaccid and soft. Well, you might, but you want it with a little bit of

Jordan North 0:10:18 crunch.

William Hanson 0:10:19 Yeah.

Jordan North 0:10:19 Al dente.

Speaker E 0:10:20 Al dente is Italian, and it translates to, to the tooth.

Jordan North 0:10:25 Yeah, their pasta's a bit al dente.

Speaker E 0:10:28 Slightly chewy.

William Hanson 0:10:29 Yeah, but you want pasta al dente.

Jordan North 0:10:31 Okay.

William Hanson 0:10:31 Generally. Italians would say you want it to touch al dente.

Jordan North 0:10:34 Did your mum ever used to throw it at the wall, see if it stuck, and it was ready to eat? No. That's— I swear to God. But that is—

William Hanson 0:10:41 you can do that with spaghetti.

Jordan North 0:10:43 Yeah, with spaghetti. Mum would say, throw it at wall. She'd get us to throw it at wall. If it stuck, it was edible.

William Hanson 0:10:47 No wonder she wanted a new kitchen. Covered in pasta. Carbs running down there. What other al's are there that we could do? Al dente.

Speaker E 0:10:56 Alan Carr.

William Hanson 0:11:00 Al-Anqar.

Jordan North 0:11:00 What does that mean?

William Hanson 0:11:01 Al-Qaeda. Um, Al Jazeera. It's a news channel. Well, it's a news channel in the Middle East.

Speaker E 0:11:08 Al

William Hanson 0:11:09 Gore? Al Gore, yes.

Speaker E 0:11:11 What does that mean?

William Hanson 0:11:11 What do you mean, what does it mean? He's a person.

Jordan North 0:11:14 Do you know, if he came president in 2000, probably wouldn't have half the problems we have now with global warming. He was pushing it in 2000, you know. He was saying, if we don't— Have you not watched his DVD? Which, by the way, doesn't come in plastic, it's in cardboard, which I always found Amazing. He was pushing that agenda in 2000, in the '90s. He was saying, look, shit's gonna happen in 20, 30 years if we don't get on it now.

William Hanson 0:11:37 And it

Jordan North 0:11:38 was the closest election ever. Bush beat him.

William Hanson 0:11:40 Oh, did he? It was Florida.

Jordan North 0:11:43 Oh yeah, there you go. Hey,

William Hanson 0:11:45 so there we go. What's been going on with you?

Jordan North 0:11:47 Well, I've had my chimney swept this week. Excuse me. What?

William Hanson 0:11:53 I thought you were sitting better.

Jordan North 0:11:54 And it was a massive Yeah, we'd get it done in Manchester usually, don't we? And it was a bit of a disappointment, I'm not gonna lie, because of you. I was really looking forward to meeting my first ever chimney sweep. I've never met a chimney sweep before.

William Hanson 0:12:09 Did they not do a whole dance?

Jordan North 0:12:10 Well, I thought he's gonna knock on the door, he's gonna have at least a little necktie on, flat cap, waistcoat. I want him to be at least leaning, you know, leaning and go,

William Hanson 0:12:19 Oh, what,

Jordan North 0:12:20 Mary? Oh, what, governor? I'm here to do your chimneys. And I was thinking he might have a little— when he come up the step, he might kick his heels or something.

William Hanson 0:12:28 Kick his knees up.

Jordan North 0:12:29 Yeah, just something. Just, you know, what we all imagine a chimney sweep to— Turns up, didn't even have a brush. Trackies.

William Hanson 0:12:37 Didn't have a brush? Didn't have a brush. How did he do it?

Jordan North 0:12:39 Trainers. He went, what's up, bruv? I was like, well, this has killed the illusion. No penguins.

William Hanson 0:12:48 It went past— No, no, no, no, stop, stop, stop.

Jordan North 0:12:51 It didn't go up and dance on roof. No little orphan child, we in.

William Hanson 0:12:55 Well, that's not Poppins.

Jordan North 0:12:57 With blue eyes. And do you know what? He didn't even have a bit of soot on his face. You'd think in Van at least he'd go, hang on, just put a bit of soot on.

William Hanson 0:13:06 Nothing. Like Mary Poppins does when she goes up.

Jordan North 0:13:08 And do you know what? I think I've been done. He said my cheek— because I've only been there a year, so I thought I'm gonna light me fires this year because I've got proper fires. I want a gas one, but I've seen how much it is to get a gas fire fitted. shape your whole house. I'm gonna get some like wood cut, nice carbon-friendly wood. He just went up.

William Hanson 0:13:26 What's

Speaker E 0:13:27 carbon-friendly wood? Are you crashing?

Jordan North 0:13:31 Yes, can you tell? It's been a very long week.

Speaker E 0:13:36 Can you tell?

Jordan North 0:13:37 Oh, don't, because I hate it when people can tell I'm tired.

Speaker E 0:13:39 It was just, it was just, it was just the, the spiel was just an interesting one.

Jordan North 0:13:43 The words were there but not in the right

Speaker E 0:13:44 place. No, I feel like what Jordan wanted was a chimney sweep stripper to turn up.

Jordan North 0:13:51 I was deeply disappointed.

Speaker E 0:13:52 That's the job.

Jordan North 0:13:53 And then he charged, because I was like, basically—

William Hanson 0:13:56 How much did he charge you?

Jordan North 0:13:57 Well, he charged me £170 and he just—

William Hanson 0:14:00 Per chimney or?

Jordan North 0:14:00 He just went like a mechanic. He just went like that, got a torch, but not like a chimney torch.

William Hanson 0:14:06 Did he turn his phone on?

Jordan North 0:14:07 Just got his phone and went, yeah, they're all white. Yeah, it's happening. Yeah, he gets me, bro. Yeah, they're fine. I was like, all right, just had a quick look. To be fair, he got some stuff out as well, but Yeah, it weren't like how we imagined.

William Hanson 0:14:20 Right, can I just, just, just wheel back on, on the thing, on the tropes that you were saying, right? Penguins. Yeah. That is not—

Jordan North 0:14:26 Oh, you won't let this go.

William Hanson 0:14:27 That is not the chimney sweep scene.

Jordan North 0:14:28 I wanted to go up and meet next door's chimney sweep and have a little dance on the roof and stuff. Nothing. No. Didn't even want a brew.

William Hanson 0:14:35 Broken Britain.

Jordan North 0:14:36 Exactly. What are you on about the penguins?

William Hanson 0:14:38 The penguins is the tea scene, okay? It's not the chimney sweep scene.

Jordan North 0:14:42 Well, whatever. There were nothing.

Speaker E 0:14:44 There were.

William Hanson 0:14:44 The chip— The penguins are in Jolly Holiday, where they have tea in the colourful cartoon park. Okay? They don't— the penguins are not involved on the rooftops of London. So he was— If you're gonna do that— and also the orphan, that's Oliver.

Jordan North 0:14:58 Well, whatever. There's a nanny next door. I was hoping he was gonna end up shagging her, you know? Just something like that.

William Hanson 0:15:02 Well, that also doesn't happen in Mary Poppins.

Jordan North 0:15:04 They allude to it.

William Hanson 0:15:05 They do not allude to it!

Jordan North 0:15:07 Oh, come on. She were thirsty for Bert. Come on. We all know it. Her knickers down her ankles, Matt. Oh, come off it. You've watched it how many times? They allude to it. There was something going on between them.

William Hanson 0:15:17 There is a frisson.

Jordan North 0:15:18 A frisson?

William Hanson 0:15:19 Particularly in the stage play. What do you mean? A frisson. You know, a little bit of je ne sais quoi.

Jordan North 0:15:24 They were shagging! Have a day off. He was sneaking up. What do you think he's coming down a chimney for? Get away. They were shagging. Mary and Bert were shagging. Come on.

Speaker E 0:15:35 Surely you think that.

William Hanson 0:15:38 If it was Edwardian London, people did not chat.

Jordan North 0:15:41 Oh, they did it back in them days. Do you know what? They loved it doggy them days. Where did I read that recently? It was like, was it the Victorians? One of them. The Victorians or Edwardians loved it doggy. There's nothing wrong with that if you do. I'm just saying.

William Hanson 0:15:53 Well, there used to be a rumour that Wallis Simpson introduced blowjobs to the British court.

Jordan North 0:15:57 Really?

William Hanson 0:16:00 It's a rumour.

Speaker E 0:16:01 Do you think there's Mary Poppins and Bert fan fiction?

Jordan North 0:16:04 Possibly.

Speaker E 0:16:05 Surely.

Jordan North 0:16:06 There's William and Jordan fan fiction, so I'm probably—

William Hanson 0:16:09 Yeah, I write most of it.

Jordan North 0:16:10 So I've probably had some Mary Poppins fan fiction.

William Hanson 0:16:12 William reached for Jordan, his hands outstretched.

Jordan North 0:16:15 Maybe we could do a modern day—

William Hanson 0:16:17 No.

Jordan North 0:16:18 Mary Poppins chimney sweep. Chim chiminey, chim chiminey, chim chim cheroo. Pop on the telly and we'll have a brew. Chim chiminey.

William Hanson 0:16:28 Screw would have been funnier.

Jordan North 0:16:29 Chim chiminey. Chim chim cher-oo, I'll bend you over and we'll have a screw.

William Hanson 0:16:35 This is what I write the songs on, Chur.

Jordan North 0:16:39 Nothing. Nothing.

Speaker E 0:16:41 Just— I'll bend you over and have a screw.

Jordan North 0:16:46 Not even a neckerchief. Just a bloke in trackies. I was very disappointed.

William Hanson 0:16:49 If you're a professional in doing whatever, going to someone's house, don't wear a tracksuit. Come on. At least wear jeans.

Jordan North 0:16:55 I've invested in Now that I've got a, uh, a butter dish. Okay, I've invested in a sugar dish. Is it a sugar bowl? It's a sugar bowl, but it's got a little lid on.

William Hanson 0:17:04 A covered sugar pot.

Jordan North 0:17:05 Yeah. Now I keep me— I'm asking, I love it. I don't have sugar in my tea, but, um—

William Hanson 0:17:11 Do you offer brown or white?

Jordan North 0:17:12 Well, this is the thing, I've got cubes in there. Is that okay?

William Hanson 0:17:15 Yeah, you know, cubes are more sophisticated than granules.

Jordan North 0:17:17 So yeah, so I've got it, but no one's used it because no one like—

William Hanson 0:17:21 Do you have tongs?

Jordan North 0:17:22 No.

William Hanson 0:17:23 You need to get tongs.

Jordan North 0:17:24 Do you get little sugar tongs?

William Hanson 0:17:25 Tongs. So my tongs— we'll put a photo on the carousel of my sugar bowl and tongs.

Jordan North 0:17:30 I'll put a picture of mine on there. Yes.

Speaker E 0:17:32 Yeah. People can vote for their favourite.

William Hanson 0:17:33 Yeah. Yeah.

Jordan North 0:17:34 Jo!

William Hanson 0:17:35 Not here.

Jordan North 0:17:36 Jo!

William Hanson 0:17:37 Shout to Jo. She's in Brighton.

Jordan North 0:17:39 We're gonna put a picture of our sugar bowls. Yeah, our sugar bowls. Don't ask. No, I know I've changed. We're gonna put them on the Internet, on social media, on the carousel, and we want people to vote. Thanks. She was just on a cauldron brewing up a poison for us.

William Hanson 0:17:58 For us? It's not for us, love.

Jordan North 0:18:01 Honestly, there's no one that scares me in this world as much as Social Joe and me mum when she's had a drink.

William Hanson 0:18:12 In my sugar bowl, it's white and brown. White for tea, brown for coffee.

Jordan North 0:18:15 How do you separate the white from the brown in the same bowl?

William Hanson 0:18:17 They all intermix.

Jordan North 0:18:18 Oh, cubes. Yes. Oh, okay.

William Hanson 0:18:21 Yeah, it's not loose. No, no, no, it's not loose cubes.

Jordan North 0:18:23 All right, pick a grain. But did I tell you? Now, this sounds like a William Hanson statement, but I always— I've been selling everyone on it because I think it makes me sound really classy.

William Hanson 0:18:34 Here we go.

Jordan North 0:18:34 And really posh. Ben, what do you think of this?

William Hanson 0:18:36 Maybe laugh.

Jordan North 0:18:37 It sounds really poshy, but I've—

William Hanson 0:18:39 It sounds really what?

Jordan North 0:18:40 Sounds really posh and classy.

William Hanson 0:18:41 Okay, poshy.

Jordan North 0:18:42 I've got pantry moths. Done it! See? Scott.

William Hanson 0:18:56 Why are they only in your pantry?

Jordan North 0:18:58 I've got pantry moths. I don't have a pantry, I have a big cupboard.

William Hanson 0:19:01 Right.

Jordan North 0:19:02 But I've had to— honestly.

William Hanson 0:19:02 No, but pantry moth sounds nicer.

Jordan North 0:19:04 Don't it sound posh? I thought of that. I thought, I'm gonna mention that to William. I've been overcome with pantry moths.

William Hanson 0:19:10 Well, it's because you're not cleaning properly.

Jordan North 0:19:11 I'm aloft with pantry moths.

William Hanson 0:19:14 The house is— you've run amok with pantry moths.

Jordan North 0:19:15 I've run amok with pantry moths. So, oh, they've been a nightmare for 2 weeks, these moths. But basically it's because you've had open flour in a cupboard and they love that.

William Hanson 0:19:23 You'll get more than moths if you do that.

Jordan North 0:19:25 If they go in my bloody knitting— not knitting, my knitwear— I'll be annoyed. But yeah, I had to clean out me pantry cupboard the other day.

William Hanson 0:19:32 To be fair, that's mostly man-made fibre, so you'll be fine.

Jordan North 0:19:35 That's why I bought a sugar bowl, 'cause I thought, right, 'cause the sugar was open.

William Hanson 0:19:39 Oh, is it?

Jordan North 0:19:40 'Cause I thought, right, I'll buy a sugar bowl and cover it, 'cause I had—

William Hanson 0:19:42 So the flour, which was what attracted them, do you not have containers for your flour?

Jordan North 0:19:46 Nah, I don't like all that. I don't like those cereal things as well.

William Hanson 0:19:50 Tupperware?

Jordan North 0:19:51 That— those cereal things that people put cereal in.

William Hanson 0:19:54 Tupperware?

Jordan North 0:19:55 No, the cereal things that people put cereal in.

William Hanson 0:19:58 Oh, like Kilner jars?

Jordan North 0:19:59 Yeah, the big— Plastic things.

William Hanson 0:20:03 Yeah, Tupperware.

Jordan North 0:20:03 Is that Tupperware?

William Hanson 0:20:04 Click and lock.

Jordan North 0:20:05 Click and lock.

Speaker E 0:20:06 It's Tupperware as a brand. I don't like it. What, you just want it in the—

Jordan North 0:20:08 Well, they get gammy after a while and stuff, don't they?

William Hanson 0:20:11 You don't get pantry moss.

Speaker E 0:20:12 I've got my granola in one of those.

Jordan North 0:20:15 This is the most middle-class conversation.

Speaker E 0:20:18 Fascinating. Do you know?

Jordan North 0:20:19 Well, ever has.

William Hanson 0:20:20 Ben got a lot of stick for this on socials last week on his debut on our YouTube visually. with the moth trap, which obviously attracted something else, didn't it?

Speaker E 0:20:30 I got a lot of stick for that.

William Hanson 0:20:32 Yeah.

Jordan North 0:20:32 I've got—

William Hanson 0:20:32 'Cause you were inhumane having sticky pads.

Jordan North 0:20:35 Oh, bollocks.

Speaker E 0:20:36 I didn't put—

Jordan North 0:20:36 He didn't put it there, and I—

Speaker E 0:20:38 I put it there.

Jordan North 0:20:39 And can I just say—

William Hanson 0:20:40 The moth trap?

Speaker E 0:20:41 Yeah. I said that it was in my flat.

Jordan North 0:20:43 He said it was in his previous, so people jump on him.

William Hanson 0:20:45 Well, it's your flat, you're responsible.

Jordan North 0:20:47 Come at me, right, if you want. I've got moth traps, 'cause my house is aloft with pantry moths and they're annoying and I've tried everything to get them in. So what am I meant to do?

William Hanson 0:20:57 My house is run amok with pantry moths.

Jordan North 0:21:01 Run amok with them. So what are you meant to do? Oh no, I'm gonna have fucking PETA and everyone coming up. Right, I won't— are they bad? Are they bad?

William Hanson 0:21:08 Well, I think they're—

Jordan North 0:21:10 Moth traps.

William Hanson 0:21:11 They're not great for mice, no. Although, oh yeah, I'd rather have a dead mouse than—

Jordan North 0:21:15 Moths haven't got any brains, intelligence.

William Hanson 0:21:19 Do you think in another life you were a wasp?

Jordan North 0:21:20 Fucking lights all the time. They're one of the most annoying— Oh, no, thank you. All right. Anyway, what else been going on with you?

William Hanson 0:21:30 Can we talk about people who put— who— because from an etiquette point of view, you know, I'm all about modern etiquette and evolving it. People who, a couple of days, a week after you have messaged them, reply to your message with— and, but I'm absolutely just saying this is not levelled at anyone in particular, I promise you— sorry, just seen this.

Jordan North 0:21:52 Oh, God, that's literally half my life.

William Hanson 0:21:54 I get it. Life is busy. We can't respond to every message when it comes in. I fully understand that. But we don't need to sort of be— it's like an over-politeness correction of going through the motions of pretending you've just seen this, whereas actually what you want to say is, I didn't read it at the time, I was busy. You don't need to pretend you've only just seen it. I think that makes it worse.

Jordan North 0:22:15 I disagree, but what do you think you should say?

William Hanson 0:22:17 Just respond. If I've gone, hi, do you want to come for dinner on Tuesday? And you reply 3 days later, just go, yes, I'd love to. I don't think you need to say—

Jordan North 0:22:25 I just thought it'd be a bit— sorry.

William Hanson 0:22:26 I don't, but I don't think you need to say sorry. Or you can say, sorry for the delay in replying, but don't pretend you've only just seen the message because you probably saw the message. I think it makes it worse that you're sort of thinking, Oh, this person is going to not— this person is going to believe that I genuinely haven't seen this message.

Jordan North 0:22:44 What if you missed a call? 'Cause I missed a call from—

William Hanson 0:22:48 Well, you get a notification.

Jordan North 0:22:49 Yeah, but then do you ring them back or do you text them? I missed a call from Ben yesterday. I was being— I was— I don't make shit up.

William Hanson 0:22:57 The pantry moths were attacking you.

Jordan North 0:22:58 No, it wasn't. It was worse. Mr. Blobby and Louis Spence were fighting, and Biggins was having a bit of— this is true. So I was with Biggins, Louis Spencer, Mr Blobby.

William Hanson 0:23:12 One more Camp Icons. It was gonna push you over the edge.

Jordan North 0:23:15 Ben decided to ring me. I was filming something. It's a long story. Um, so then I always go, sorry I missed your call, because you even can click the option that says, sorry, I can't talk right now.

William Hanson 0:23:24 Yeah, you can. Well, that's fine. But you just phone again. It's a bit like your— when you were saying about your mum, you, you just Ring back. We are busy. Like, people are busy. That's fine. Just respond when you can.

Jordan North 0:23:34 Okay.

William Hanson 0:23:35 But I don't think we need to overcorrect and sort of go through the motions. Oh, sorry, I've only just seen this. No, of course you saw it. You just haven't only now got the time to respond. So don't be overly polite.

Jordan North 0:23:45 Okay.

William Hanson 0:23:46 That's my take-home.

Jordan North 0:23:47 Before we move on, do you have pantry moths?

William Hanson 0:23:49 No, because I clean and I keep my flour in containers.

Jordan North 0:23:54 They're like nits. They go for clean hair. And clean houses. Don't get jealous because you haven't got pantry moths.

William Hanson 0:24:01 I'm not.

Jordan North 0:24:03 I can show you them. If you lived in my area of London, you'd definitely have pantry moths.

William Hanson 0:24:08 Yes.

Jordan North 0:24:08 We're amok with pantry moths.

William Hanson 0:24:10 Amok.

Jordan North 0:24:11 Amok.

William Hanson 0:24:11 Yeah.

Jordan North 0:24:12 All right.

William Hanson 0:24:13 Okay.

Jordan North 0:24:14 Are we doing Etiquette-ymology of the Week? Yes. How classy having pantry moths. I can imagine my mum telling everyone, yeah, our George, he's got pantry moths. Moths of the pantry. Yeah. How's your son? Is he still inside?

William Hanson 0:24:27 Funnily enough, so's Jordan.

Speaker E 0:24:34 Inside what?

Jordan North 0:24:36 Don't spell the joke out!

Speaker E 0:24:39 Sorry.

Jordan North 0:24:40 Do etymology.

William Hanson 0:24:41 Right. Based on something that Mr. Pantry Moth said recently, Very apt.

Jordan North 0:24:48 And true master.

William Hanson 0:24:49 We're going to talk about Little Lord Fauntleroy.

Jordan North 0:24:51 Oh, great!

William Hanson 0:24:53 After these messages.

Jordan North 0:24:54 Fauntleroy.

Speaker F 0:27:04 It's William. William. The etiquette geek. His knowledge. Knowledge. Is quite unique. He'll give your manners. Manners. A subtle tweak. It's time for William's Etiquettey-Metiquettey-Monology of the Week. Cha-cha-cha, cha-cha-cha, cha-cha-cha. Cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha.

William Hanson 0:27:26 Lovely. So we're talking about Little Lord Fauntleroy.

Jordan North 0:27:28 Fontleroy.

William Hanson 0:27:30 It's spelt F-A-U-N-T-L-E-R-O-Y. It's the title of a classic piece by the 19th-century author Francis Hodgson Burnett, who also wrote which more famous book?

Jordan North 0:27:43 Boy in Striped Pyjamas.

William Hanson 0:27:45 No.

Jordan North 0:27:46 No, that was John Boyne.

William Hanson 0:27:47 Yes, and it's 19th century.

Jordan North 0:27:49 Oh. Oh, darn it, I'll get this. Treasure Island. No.

William Hanson 0:27:56 No, no. Secret—

Jordan North 0:27:59 Garden.

William Hanson 0:28:00 Correct. Yes, well done.

Jordan North 0:28:01 Is that that one with the boy that was always ill?

William Hanson 0:28:04 Possibly. Yeah, it's been a while since I've watched that.

Jordan North 0:28:06 Like your Mikey, a little sickly child that was always in bed. That was Secret Garden.

Speaker E 0:28:15 That's a weird film.

William Hanson 0:28:16 Don't, because bacterial tonsillitis is back. Oh no.

Jordan North 0:28:19 It's a weird film.

William Hanson 0:28:22 Yeah. Written in 1886, the children's classic charts the story of Cedric Errol, an American child of modest means who finds out he's an heir to a fortune and a British earldom. The name, Leroy was chosen after the French l'enfant le roi, meaning the child king. His look of curly blonde locks, a velvet suit, and lace collar became an instant fashion in the UK and America, and that was known as the Fauntleroy suit.

Jordan North 0:28:48 Was he real? No, it's a novel, right?

William Hanson 0:28:49 No, it's a novel. Many film and TV adaptations later were made of this rags-to-riches story, keeping the name in people's minds. And so, even today, the term Little Lord Fauntleroy is suggestive of a young boy who is excessively well-behaved, Overly polite, and very neatly or fancily dressed. So there we go.

Jordan North 0:29:05 That's the original. He was a bit of a knob, weren't he?

William Hanson 0:29:07 I don't know if he was a knob.

Jordan North 0:29:08 No, he was. He turned into a bit of a knobhead.

William Hanson 0:29:11 Did he? I, again, years since I've read it.

Jordan North 0:29:14 What are you doing next week? Dick Turpin?

William Hanson 0:29:17 It'll be in a fortnight. And I can if you want me to.

Jordan North 0:29:21 Yeah, Dick Turpin.

William Hanson 0:29:21 No, I'm not doing Dick Turpin.

Jordan North 0:29:23 Did Turpin wear a mask? All right. What? 'Cause that's what it's just saying, innit? Yeah. All right, little Lord Dick Turpin. But why would I— And then you go, oh, Dick Turpin wore a mask.

William Hanson 0:29:34 Yeah, but why would I— what's the etiquette of Dick Turpin?

Jordan North 0:29:35 What's the etiquette of half of your etiketimologies? If you ask me, it should be William's history lesson.

William Hanson 0:29:43 Where's the comedy in most of your jokes of the week?

Jordan North 0:29:47 Excuse me, my jokes of the week have been very good of late. Can I just say? They've been really good.

William Hanson 0:29:54 They've been amazing.

Jordan North 0:29:55 Thank you. Uh, before we get on to your modern-day dilemmas, tomorrow, just to let you know, we've got another Patreon episode.

William Hanson 0:30:01 We do, yes. Um, premium members of our Patreon channel, Help I Sexed My Boss Out of Office, get a brand new episode every Wednesday. Last Wednesday saw us release our very first Patreon-exclusive episode where our mothers, Wendy with an I and Sarah with an H, stepped in to host the podcast. which was so kind of them because, you know, busy, busy, busy. Anyway, we thought we'd give you a little taste of that episode, so here's a snippet. And what do you do if you've accidentally sexted your mum? But we're not your usual meddling— West Country. But we're not your usual meddling mums, are we, Sarah?

Jordan North 0:30:40 No, we are not, Wendy North. I am more champagne, please. You are more bitch, please.

William Hanson 0:30:46 Oh, how rude. This week's toast goes to our sons, William and Jordan. I love Jordan, but not as much as I love Bradley.

Jordan North 0:30:59 What are we drinking? Do I have champagne?

William Hanson 0:31:03 Well, I've got the lady— but yes, it's here. I've got the lady petrol.

Jordan North 0:31:08 It is warm, darlings.

William Hanson 0:31:11 Mine's cold.

Jordan North 0:31:12 You, with the face and the boobs, what do they call you? What is your name? Gen Z Izzy. Gen Z Izzy, is this champ— this champagne is, is quite warm, darling.

William Hanson 0:31:24 You can have some of my Lady Petrol if you like.

Jordan North 0:31:28 I would rather— how could I say this? I would rather one licks their own arse, darling. I will not be drinking that, not after Zito. You made me try it. It, it, it was fine for emergencies, but I drink champagne, darling. Champagne, champagne, champagne. And it must be ice cold, darling. We got quite into carrot today, didn't we? What do you mean? I mean, they, they were good. They were great, weren't they?

William Hanson 0:31:49 They were really good. It was lovely to have them in.

Jordan North 0:31:50 It was lovely to have them in, and they went out after and stuff. So yeah, yeah, if you want to watch—

William Hanson 0:31:55 Sarah's still out.

Jordan North 0:31:55 Yeah, she's still out.

William Hanson 0:31:56 She's found Cat.

Jordan North 0:31:57 Yeah, yeah.

William Hanson 0:31:58 They're on the town.

Jordan North 0:31:58 They're on the town. If you want to watch the full episode, all you gotta do is head over to sexandmyboss.com/patreon. sexandmyboss.com/patreon. We'll also leave a link in the description of this episode as well. Uh, tomorrow's Out of Office episode is Ask Us Anything.

William Hanson 0:32:14 Yes, it's an Ask Us Anything special. Nothing is off the table, and I really mean nothing is off the table. We'll be asking all of the questions you've— well, some of them anyway, as many as we can in half an hour, uh, that you've always wanted to ask us. You can head to sexismyboss.com/patreon to watch and listen.

Jordan North 0:32:29 Now it's time for your questions and dilemmas. What have you got for us, please?

William Hanson 0:32:33 Okay, this is from Meg. Hello to everyone at Help I Sexed My Boss HQ. I have a little bit of a dilemma I'm hoping you can help me with. I'll be turning 30 at the end of September. And I've decided to have a party with all my family and friends there. My partner has taken over the party planning duties to ensure that I have a stress-free time in the run-up to my birthday, and the only thing they have asked me to do in preparation for the party is make a playlist of music that I'd like to be played throughout the night. I have quite an eclectic music taste, and my song choices can be diverse and span many genres. You could give me any genre of music, and I'll be able to name a handful of artists I like from it. So here's my dilemma: do I choose the music that I enjoy and I know will put me in the party mood, or should I try to be considerate of what my guests will like and consider their tastes when planning my playlist. I know I'm probably thinking about this too deeply, but I don't want to appear selfish or create the wrong kind of atmosphere for everyone. I have considered asking my partner to ask our guests to make one song request each, and there's something that everyone can enjoy. Any advice you can give on how to tackle my musical dilemma would be greatly appreciated. Lots of love, Meg.

Jordan North 0:33:33 Meg, bit of both. What you love and what everybody else loves, mix them together, and before you know it, You'll be doing Doncaster races.

William Hanson 0:33:40 But what happens if Meg is really into dutty grime, and everyone else is into musicals? They're not going to marry up together.

Jordan North 0:33:51 Well, you can do a bit of everything. Just go for mainstream, like—

William Hanson 0:33:58 Just Mr. Brightside. Mr.

Jordan North 0:34:00 Brightside. You can't go wrong. When people are pissed, they'll— Well, honestly, put Agadoo on. Black Lace. Have they been cancelled?

William Hanson 0:34:08 Meg, when we're telling you to put black lace on, don't send us a picture in a negligee. That's not what we mean. We— it's an art. Oh, yeah.

Jordan North 0:34:15 Do,

William Hanson 0:34:16 do, do push my knuckle.

Jordan North 0:34:17 Honestly, when people are pissed at a wedding, they'll dance to Oat. So don't overthink it. Just proper— just even Google wedding songs.

William Hanson 0:34:25 Well, it's not her wedding, it's her 30th.

Jordan North 0:34:27 Oh shit, why have I got wedding film? Oh, if it's your 30th, oh! Oh, it's what you're into.

William Hanson 0:34:33 Well—

Jordan North 0:34:34 No, no, it's a bit of both. It's a bit of both.

William Hanson 0:34:36 Regardless of what genre—

Jordan North 0:34:37 Sorry, I thought she said wedding.

William Hanson 0:34:39 Regardless of what genre or who picks it, ideally at a party, you have music to— There is music to begin with when guests are arriving and there are like 1 or 2 people there, just to sort of mask the fact it's quiet. After that, and I speak from my own experience from a recent luxury soirée, you should not really hear the music because guests should be chatting and laughing. That is the soundtrack. If guests are going, oh, I love this song, it means they're not paying attention to the guests, and they're focusing on the music, which ultimately doesn't matter.

Jordan North 0:35:06 Completely disagree. Music's so important, even at a house party.

William Hanson 0:35:09 Yeah, to set the tone.

Jordan North 0:35:11 So, I think all 3 points you've made there, what you love, what everyone else loves, and then maybe get them to suggest some songs, and you'll be buzzing.

William Hanson 0:35:19 Yeah, but if, again, if you're sitting at a party, and you're sitting there going, oh, what's this song? Oh yeah, no, I like this song. Oh, this was my song. Who wants to go to a party to sort of sit there and sort of worry about the music? Chat to the people. Talk, enjoy, drink.

Jordan North 0:35:34 Have Fleetwood Mac on for mums as well.

William Hanson 0:35:36 Eat, drink, be merry.

Jordan North 0:35:37 I'll tell you what they love as well, that I was working as a waitress in a— I've still got my mum's 60th playlist.

William Hanson 0:35:43 Which one's that?

Jordan North 0:35:43 I did one for my mum.

William Hanson 0:35:44 Don't You Want Me Baby, Human League.

Jordan North 0:35:46 Do you want to see it? Look, it's called— I'll put— I'll find it, hang on. It's called Wendy's Playlist. She went, will you

William Hanson 0:35:51 please, can I read out some of the songs?

Jordan North 0:35:53 Yeah, of course you can,

William Hanson 0:35:55 because these will be hilarious.

Jordan North 0:35:56 Will you do me some— will you do me a playlist for, um, my birthday party, Wendy's 60th? There you go.

William Hanson 0:36:02 Gosh, you've had this playlist on your— no. Saw my life flash before me. Mackwood Fleet. ABBA. Simply Red. The Nicotine Dolls.

Jordan North 0:36:16 I put the wrong best in.

William Hanson 0:36:17 Oh, you meant to put in Simply the Best.

Jordan North 0:36:21 Tina Turner. Listen to this version of it though. I don't know if you can play all— it's beautiful. It's a beaut— have you heard this? It's called Nicotine Dolls. Play it!

William Hanson 0:36:31 Well, how long are we meant to play it?

Jordan North 0:36:32 Just play a bit! That was the best bit. Listen. Give me a lifetime of promises and a world of shit. I put the wrong one in.

William Hanson 0:36:41 It's good though.

Jordan North 0:36:42 It's a beautiful— it's a beautiful cover. Nicotine Dolls, they're called.

William Hanson 0:36:44 Billy Joel.

Jordan North 0:36:45 Billy Joel? What Billy Joel was it?

William Hanson 0:36:47 Um, Piano Man.

Jordan North 0:36:48 Yeah, she likes that one.

William Hanson 0:36:49 Ah, La Fifla Bonita.

Jordan North 0:36:52 Madonna. She likes Madonna. Um, should be more Madonna in there.

William Hanson 0:36:56 M. People.

Jordan North 0:36:57 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:36:58 Whitney.

Jordan North 0:36:58 Whitney, oh god, yeah.

William Hanson 0:36:59 Chaka Khan. This only lasted 1 hour 52 minutes. 27 songs.

Jordan North 0:37:03 Yeah, what else?

William Hanson 0:37:05 Good song, this one.

Jordan North 0:37:06 Oh, Chaka Khan.

William Hanson 0:37:08 Chaka Chaka Khan.

Jordan North 0:37:09 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:37:10 Lovely.

Jordan North 0:37:10 There you go.

William Hanson 0:37:11 Okay.

Jordan North 0:37:11 So that did it.

William Hanson 0:37:12 Well, I still think you don't want to really be listening and paying too much attention to the music at a good party.

Jordan North 0:37:17 Oh, Billy Ocean, Red Light. Spells danger. Sombre undress. You

William Hanson 0:37:26 should see our studio.

Jordan North 0:37:27 What's that one you play on Capitol Alt Town like?

William Hanson 0:37:29 Sabrina?

Jordan North 0:37:30 No, it's just Thumber. I like him. Put some of that on.

William Hanson 0:37:33 This is from Nate. Dear Sexy Team, I was raised in a family that considers dressing up an absolute must when going to the theatre. Ooh, clue, theatre is spelt E-R, not R-E. So he's either American—

Jordan North 0:37:45 Or thick. I can say that I'm dyslexic.

William Hanson 0:37:52 It's a place of culture. You must dress appropriately. You get the gist. So you can imagine my bafflement when, intending to go change from my day's clothing into something more formal or appropriate for the theatre visit, I got told by my friend that it's fine, it's only a musical. So what is the dressing etiquette when you're going to a musical as opposed to any other kind of theatre performance. I'm really not a musical enjoyer usually, so maybe I'm missing something, and the occasion really does allow for more casual clothing. Greetings from the Swiss Alps. Ah, East Swiss.

Jordan North 0:38:29 That explains a lot.

William Hanson 0:38:30 Nate. Switzerland, home of theatre.

Jordan North 0:38:34 Do you dress up for the theatre?

William Hanson 0:38:36 Oh, you said it was theatre. Theatre. Yes, I make a bit of an effort. I don't, you know, I don't wear black tie, or like they used to do back in the day, or a suit, but I don't go in jogging bottoms. Like, I'm not a chimney sweep.

Jordan North 0:38:48 See, this is— I think—

William Hanson 0:38:51 Even if I'm watching a play about chimney sweeps.

Jordan North 0:38:53 I would dress up for theatre or a show, but I would— I dress up for everything because it's the working class in you. I've talked about this before. Like, even to go to the pub, I'd make sure I had something half decent on. I don't know if it's— wait, it might be my family thing. We all make sure we're— apart from brads, we all make sure we're smart. So I'd wear somewhat smart.

William Hanson 0:39:15 But what do you consider smart? 'Cause I think that's the trouble people have, what I consider smart and what someone else considers smart.

Jordan North 0:39:20 Yeah, it's all different. I personally wouldn't wear light jeans. I'd wear like dark jeans or some trousers, like a—

William Hanson 0:39:26 But would you wear jeans?

Jordan North 0:39:27 I'd wear chinos. Yeah, I'd wear jeans, but it depends what type. I wouldn't wear what Ben was wearing right now for the theatre. No, thanks, Ben. But then it doesn't matter, does it? Anyway, so do you— what, in answer to Nate—

Speaker E 0:39:38 Why are you looking at me like that, William?

William Hanson 0:39:39 Well, you could wear it for— that's got Southwark Playhouse written all over it.

Speaker E 0:39:46 You could wear it there.

Jordan North 0:39:49 But I wouldn't wear it to the cinema. You'd definitely go and watch a one-woman show or one-man show in that. You know, where they turn around and they play a Chris.

William Hanson 0:39:56 That's got Soho Theatre Walthamstow written all over it.

Jordan North 0:39:59 There you go.

Speaker E 0:39:59 It does.

William Hanson 0:40:00 Yeah.

Jordan North 0:40:00 Have you ever been to a one-person show?

William Hanson 0:40:02 Have I ever been to an operatic show? Yeah. No, neither have you, 'cause I did one and you didn't come.

Jordan North 0:40:08 No, not like that. I mean like improv or a play.

William Hanson 0:40:11 Oh, no. Oh, I probably have actually. Yeah. Anyway, it's not for me.

Jordan North 0:40:15 So, I think you should— do you think you should dress up accordingly?

William Hanson 0:40:17 Yes, you want to make a bit of an effort. Yes. Yeah. If you're wearing the same clothes that you— I'm assuming, let's assume you're going to an evening performance, not a matinee. You want to change before you go.

Jordan North 0:40:26 Even if I'm going out on Sunday morning, like— to get a coffee, or I still make sure I'm like half decent then. I wouldn't just— some estates people tip up.

Speaker E 0:40:37 I was actually extremely close to coming to today's recording in trackies for the first time ever.

Jordan North 0:40:42 No, you didn't. You've worn trackies before.

William Hanson 0:40:44 We've just given you a camera. The day you turn up in tracksuits, we will take away your camera.

Jordan North 0:40:48 He's worn trackies before.

William Hanson 0:40:49 Has he?

Jordan North 0:40:50 Yeah, because I copied them Puma ones he had years ago.

Speaker E 0:40:52 Yeah, but that was years ago. That was when we used to record in William's spare room.

William Hanson 0:40:57 We've round the kitchen table. This is from Anonymous. Hello, William, Jordan, and the Sex Ed gang. My birthday is in the middle of August and I'm yet to receive my present from my friends. Is it bad etiquette to ask for the present? I'm honestly not that upset about not having a present from them. And yet you've written in. But I know that one of them has it but hasn't yet given it to me. For context, we also don't live that far apart. Do I need to get over myself? Kind regards, Anonymous. Yes, you do.

Jordan North 0:41:21 I mean, Being a bit less harsh, it— there might be a reason why they've not given it yet.

William Hanson 0:41:25 So yeah, they hate you.

Jordan North 0:41:26 You probably can't ask for it. They might have changed their mind or—

William Hanson 0:41:29 Or realised you've already got it. Yeah, gone.

Jordan North 0:41:33 Could be a reason. Just let it go.

William Hanson 0:41:34 Yeah,

Jordan North 0:41:35 let it go.

William Hanson 0:41:35 The more fuss—

Jordan North 0:41:36 Never expect a present.

William Hanson 0:41:38 No. Well, I don't from you. No, it's a joke. You always— you sent me that lovely great big thing of chocolate, which I've demolished in quite a short space of time. You got some candles.

Jordan North 0:41:49 From last year's housewarming?

William Hanson 0:41:50 Well, it was housewarming, not my birthday, but yes. Yeah.

Jordan North 0:41:54 Okay, now we can't do live TV.

William Hanson 0:41:55 I thought we're on birthdays. We're on birthdays.

Jordan North 0:41:57 Okay.

William Hanson 0:41:58 And that lovely big card, which is there behind me, which is gorgeous. I told you that the sort of the flowers and the big card turn up. I went, this is from Jordan. I just knew.

Jordan North 0:42:09 moonpig.com. Funkypitchin.com, just because no one's paid us for either, so.

William Hanson 0:42:18 instaprint.com.

Jordan North 0:42:18 There you go.

William Hanson 0:42:19 That's

Jordan North 0:42:19 another one. There you

William Hanson 0:42:20 are. Yeah, anonymous, I don't think you can say anything.

Jordan North 0:42:23 No, I don't think so either.

William Hanson 0:42:25 Yes, it's annoying, especially if you know they've got you something, but you just need to suck it up. It's part of being an adult. This is from Stacy. Hi, William, Jordan, and all of the gang. Today's my son Nathaniel's 12th birthday. I've got 3 boys, so I know how Wendy feels. I don't know if that's meant to be. Bitch. It's very funny.

Jordan North 0:42:44 It wasn't. It's just how your mind works. Wendy has 4 boys.

William Hanson 0:42:52 And after receiving a card in the post addressed to Master N, we got onto the discussion of when does a boy go from master to mister? Oh my God. Literally jizzing in my pants. Some sites—

Jordan North 0:43:07 Did you just hear that? What? The William Manson from 3, 4 years ago would never have said that. Amazing.

William Hanson 0:43:15 I'm beyond caring. Some sites say 18 and the legal age of adulthood. Some take a public school approach and say 12. I thought if anyone would know the answer, it'd be William, so I look forward to hearing your definitive answer. Stacy in Birmingham. You are right. Basically, when a— traditionally, a boy a boy, a child boy, would be Master Jordan North when you were 12, 13, and until you become of age. Now, obviously, in Britain, it's a bit weird because at certain things it's 16, certain things it's 17, certain things it's 18. 16, 17 is generally where we— one for the kids— is where we would call it. However, you call a 15-year-old master. It's not gonna go down well.

Jordan North 0:44:01 Do that thing.

William Hanson 0:44:01 So no, I would say 12 is probably where you then go to Mr.

Jordan North 0:44:05 Do you remember getting mail when you were younger and it was Master Jordan North? Yeah, when you opened a bank account or something.

Speaker E 0:44:10 Yeah. You can't get called master that much anymore. Like, it was only on a letter.

William Hanson 0:44:14 Yeah,

Speaker E 0:44:15 you're not getting many letters, are you?

William Hanson 0:44:17 Sorry for anyone with the surname Bates.

Speaker E 0:44:19 Not at 12.

Jordan North 0:44:20 I'm gonna say it, we're all thinking it. Sorry for anyone with the surname Bates.

William Hanson 0:44:23 Not sure we were all thinking it, but yeah.

Jordan North 0:44:26 We were. We were.

William Hanson 0:44:28 Mr. Bates, isn't it? Well, Master Bates. At the Post Office.

Jordan North 0:44:31 Oh yes, he would have been Master Bates when he were younger.

William Hanson 0:44:35 He would have been. What do you think was a bigger problem in his life, the Post Office scandal or being Master Bates?

Jordan North 0:44:42 Possibly Master Bates for the first few years. Yeah.

William Hanson 0:44:45 Yeah. Puts it in perspective.

Jordan North 0:44:47 That's probably what made him so determined to take on the establishment.

William Hanson 0:44:50 Yeah.

Jordan North 0:44:51 From having that. turmoil as a child of being Master Bates, and then he went to Mr. Bates. Yeah, I thought, I'll bring these down.

William Hanson 0:45:01 So, Stacy, thank you. I love that question.

Jordan North 0:45:05 It was a good question.

William Hanson 0:45:06 Yeah, this is from anonymous. Dear William Jordan and the Sex Ed team, I've been talking to a guy for quite a few months, and we get along incredibly well. I was thinking of asking him out on a date, but there is just one problem. He has the same name as one of my brothers. Would either of you find this off-putting? Do you have any advice? Lots of love, anonymous. No, I think—

Jordan North 0:45:24 Yeah!

William Hanson 0:45:25 If you like him, it's fine. If it's an unusual name, like Balthazar, yeah, I get it.

Jordan North 0:45:32 Yeah, I honestly don't think it's— it's not an issue. I know loads of people

William Hanson 0:45:39 that— They could have the same name as your parent.

Jordan North 0:45:40 Yeah, that happens.

William Hanson 0:45:42 Yeah.

Jordan North 0:45:42 That happens. I've got a friend whose wife's called Emma. And his missus— and his—

William Hanson 0:45:47 And his mistress is called Emma.

Jordan North 0:45:49 And his mum's called Emma.

William Hanson 0:45:50 That's very convenient.

Jordan North 0:45:51 So is that— that's gonna happen. Names are coming. Is that real? Who sent that in?

William Hanson 0:45:56 Anonymous.

Jordan North 0:45:57 Yeah, it won't be an issue.

William Hanson 0:46:00 Yeah, you just gotta— like, it's a name.

Jordan North 0:46:01 Yeah. It's a name.

William Hanson 0:46:04 Yeah, and also you'll probably, if it goes in the right direction and you become an item, you're probably gonna have a pet name for them or like call them darling or angel or—

Jordan North 0:46:12 Yes.

William Hanson 0:46:12 love. So you're probably actually then going to stop using their name.

Jordan North 0:46:15 Yeah, and if you call your sibling that, that'll send us a few. Did your mum and dad ever call you darling boy?

William Hanson 0:46:22 Yeah.

Jordan North 0:46:23 Yeah, that's— well, that's so posh. Darling boy. It was on The Gentleman the other day, but it's in Spare as well, Prince Harry's book. The parents—

William Hanson 0:46:32 Posh showing affection.

Jordan North 0:46:33 Proper posh kids.

Speaker E 0:46:35 Now that you've got pantry moths, maybe you should—

Jordan North 0:46:37 Be called darling boy.

Speaker E 0:46:38 Darling boy.

Jordan North 0:46:39 Proper posh. Parents say, oh, my darling boy. Oh, how are you, darling boy? Yeah.

William Hanson 0:46:46 It's just showing affection. It's actually quite normal and healthy.

Jordan North 0:46:48 Is

William Hanson 0:46:49 it?

Jordan North 0:46:50 Did you get called darling boy? No.

William Hanson 0:46:52 No.

Speaker E 0:46:52 Well, no, that's understandable. Maybe.

Jordan North 0:46:54 Maybe. I didn't get called darling. Sweetheart.

Speaker E 0:46:57 Yeah.

Jordan North 0:46:58 When I was younger.

William Hanson 0:46:58 Yeah, but that sounds sarcastic. That's in the same wheelhouse as riveting.

Jordan North 0:47:01 No, it's not.

William Hanson 0:47:02 You're right, sweetheart.

Jordan North 0:47:04 No, it depends how you say it. Come here, sweetheart.

William Hanson 0:47:06 Okay, if you say it like that, it's fine.

Jordan North 0:47:08 Sweetheart. Hmm. Anyway—

William Hanson 0:47:10 Shall I call you darling boy? Would you like that?

Jordan North 0:47:13 Weirdly, yes.

William Hanson 0:47:15 I thought you would.

Jordan North 0:47:16 Now that I've got pantry mouth, I am a darling boy. Thank you for your questions and dilemmas. Remember, you can listen to new episodes every Tuesday and Friday, or even join us tomorrow for an exclusive Help, I Sexted My Boss out-of-office episode. Ooh! On Patreon. We'll see you soon. Goodbye.

William Hanson 0:47:34 Goodbye.