Things To Do Before You’re 40 | And William the Undertaker

Jordan 0:00:00 Do you know the others, before we start the episode, we have a clock now that helps to keep us on time so we don't witter on for too long. And Ben can never get it right.

Speaker B 0:00:08 You alright, Ben? You alright?

William 0:00:11 Jack always gets it right.

Jordan 0:00:12 Yeah, Jack always gets it right.

Speaker B 0:00:13 Have you got the clock started?

Ben 0:00:14 Yeah, it's running now.

Speaker B 0:00:15 Are we good? Yeah? Ready?

Ben 0:00:16 It's bloody rich for you to come at someone about a clock when you're so late all the time.

William 0:00:26 He's got a point.

Jordan 0:00:27 That was the crappiest insult I've ever heard. That was the most middle-class Hertfordshire insult I've ever heard in my life.

Ben 0:00:35 Don't bring my county into this.

Jordan 0:00:37 All right, okay. Hello and welcome to our Friday episode where we see how much extra content we can squeeze into your week. Random things that have been sent in, extra bits that have been going on, and how our advice went down with you, our wonderful Gene Divas. That insult reminded me of of that suckersack knee. Well, Geoff, you're a poo head, or whatever he said. How are you? What are you doing this weekend? Will you be in Disney? Well, I'll be on holiday. Will you be in Disney?

William 0:01:08 I will be in Disney. I'll be wearing some Minnie Mouse ears and having a lovely time with Cinderella or something.

Jordan 0:01:12 Do you remember— what else am I gonna quote? Every time you go to Disney and I— someone—

William 0:01:17 Are you going to quote the Disney adults thing? No? Okay, carry on.

Jordan 0:01:21 No, I can't actually, contractually, no. So, good for you. Enjoy it. Good. And remember, if you see the Toy Story characters, don't say the words.

William 0:01:28 Oh, Andy's coming. Help me!

Jordan 0:01:32 Pick me up, we're back!

William 0:01:34 Andy's gone.

Jordan 0:01:35 Oh, thanks. But they will drop Tip Flur.

William 0:01:37 Will they? Do they actually do that in the parks? No, I can't shout that during a parade.

Jordan 0:01:41 They will. They will do it.

William 0:01:43 That'll—

Ben 0:01:44 you shut down the entire parade.

Jordan 0:01:46 People all over each other.

William 0:01:48 They'll flop on the floor. They'll trip over each other, and some sort of great big float drives— no, I can't probably do this.

Jordan 0:01:53 Do they do a parade in the Paris one?

William 0:01:55 They do, yes. They've got the new Princess Cavalcade, thank you very much. I'm very looking forward to it.

Jordan 0:02:00 Just remember, it's France, it's Paris. There's a good chance it'll get cancelled. If the union have heard—

William 0:02:04 That is not how it works.

Jordan 0:02:06 You know what they're like over there. No, they said he'd be at work for 20 minutes this morning. I cannot do the parade. I must go on a 4-hour break.

William 0:02:13 Disney magic bypasses any French union rules.

Jordan 0:02:18 Oh, fair enough. Fair enough. Fair enough.

William 0:02:22 No. What are you doing this weekend? Paddle?

Jordan 0:02:24 Uh, paddle on Friday.

William 0:02:26 Can you do paddle with your back?

Jordan 0:02:27 Probably not, no. Um, well, no, use your arm. No, but— Uh, I've got, uh—

William 0:02:35 Your teeth are getting whiter each week.

Jordan 0:02:38 Are they?

William 0:02:40 Yeah.

Jordan 0:02:40 It's just because I'm tanned. I'm putting up—

William 0:02:43 You're tanned?

Jordan 0:02:44 You don't miss a bloody trick. I'm— oh, I'm using— I've got whitener in me brace retainers.

William 0:02:49 Oh, okay.

Jordan 0:02:49 I'm wearing at night, you know what I'm

William 0:02:51 saying? It's like sitting opposite Rylan.

Jordan 0:02:52 Thank you, that's a great compliment.

William 0:02:53 Just without the shows. I don't know what I'm doing.

Jordan 0:02:56 Oh, I need to get a new blind for my room, so I'm going blind shopping on Friday.

William 0:02:59 Right.

Jordan 0:03:00 Yeah.

William 0:03:00 Venetian? Roman? Roller?

Jordan 0:03:03 I honestly couldn't care less. I really don't want to be doing it, but it's got to be done, so.

William 0:03:08 So, which room? Your bedroom or—

Jordan 0:03:09 Yeah, I need to get a blind in.

William 0:03:11 Okay. Well, you need to take interest in blinds because that's—

Jordan 0:03:14 Only because the neighbours have said, and I quote, it's like Notting Hill when you open the curtains after your nap.

William 0:03:20 Notting Hill?

Jordan 0:03:22 The scene from Notting Hill.

William 0:03:23 I've seen Notting Hill, but I can't remember the scene.

Jordan 0:03:25 Where he opens it and he's bollock off.

William 0:03:26 Is that in Notting Hill?

Jordan 0:03:28 That's Notting Hill, innit? Yeah. I actually don't know. I've got a, I've got a, I've got a nice freshened weekend, and then the weekend after, the Sexton Capital Breakfast Barbecue.

William 0:03:38 Yes. Lovely. That would be very nice. How many are going to be there?

Jordan 0:03:42 Not worked it out yet.

William 0:03:43 Do you need any help?

Jordan 0:03:47 Yes, actually I do.

William 0:03:48 Benji needs help.

Jordan 0:03:49 Whilst I've got you, because it's Capital Breakfast and Sexted, can I put it through as a business expense?

William 0:03:56 Through Capital? Yeah, absolutely. Go for it.

Jordan 0:03:58 No, no, no, no, no. I mean through as a— No. Oh, okay. Yeah.

William 0:04:02 It's not how it works.

Jordan 0:04:03 Okay.

William 0:04:04 Because it's in your own home and it's not holding exclusively for Sexted or Capital.

Jordan 0:04:08 Well, I'm glad I asked.

William 0:04:10 Yes.

Jordan 0:04:10 I just wanted to check.

William 0:04:11 See, I know HMRC's rules.

Jordan 0:04:13 Yeah, so do I. Hey, my books are clean.

William 0:04:15 Well, you just asked!

Jordan 0:04:16 My books are clean. I'm more than happy to show 'em. Well, I'm not. Let's move on.

William 0:04:21 We did William's diary. Let's do Jordan's tax return.

Jordan 0:04:24 Let's do Jordan's books next week.

William 0:04:28 I bet you they are—

Jordan 0:04:29 Mine are good. I've got—

William 0:04:31 No, no, no. If you've done them, they'll be like, what's the—

Jordan 0:04:33 I ain't done 'em. God, I don't do 'em. Christ, you're joking, aren't you?

William 0:04:36 Innumerate.

Jordan 0:04:37 Yeah, exactly.

William 0:04:37 You did remember, I mean, we have talked about this before, you did once send a tax return to a PR person by accident, not your accountant. You sent it to Jacob. Can you not remember?

Jordan 0:04:46 Yes, I forgot about that.

William 0:04:48 And then you had to email him going, don't open it!

Jordan 0:04:50 It wasn't— was it a tax return or an invoice?

William 0:04:52 Tax return.

Jordan 0:04:53 Was it?

William 0:04:54 He still— every time I see him, we still talk about it.

Jordan 0:04:56 Oh, for God's sake.

William 0:04:57 It's very funny.

Jordan 0:04:58 Did he open it?

William 0:04:59 I hope he deleted it. He says

Jordan 0:05:00 no. Oh, bollocks.

William 0:05:01 Had a good laugh.

Jordan 0:05:02 I bet he did. I mean, a good laugh.

William 0:05:03 We were chatting about different jobs that radio presenters could have a few episodes back, and we wondered what jobs that we could do. So, of course, we asked for suggestions from the GND-ers. Phoebe said Jordan could be a pool aerobics instructor for all the northern mums on holiday.

Jordan 0:05:18 Do you know, I feel like, oh, Genevieve has known me so well.

William 0:05:21 You would.

Jordan 0:05:22 And that has nailed it. I'd absolutely love that. There's a series on Channel 5 called Bargain-Loving Brits in the Sun. And there's a guy from Skemsdale who does that with old ladies. And he looks so happy. Yeah, I'd love that.

William 0:05:36 Not with your back in the condition it is now. Not with my back. Once it's recovered. Yeah. Rachel thinks that I'd be a very good passive-aggressive cabin crew, obviously in first class.

Jordan 0:05:45 Oh, you would, and you'd be one of those cabin crews, apparently a lot do, when you— they hate not doing first class.

William 0:05:50 Yeah, well, when they are first class and then they're made to do else.

Jordan 0:05:54 Yeah. But no, you're not first class from what I gather exclusively.

William 0:05:57 It depends which airline.

Jordan 0:05:59 No, you're not.

William 0:06:00 Some are.

Jordan 0:06:00 Oh yeah?

William 0:06:01 Depends on what contract they're on.

Jordan 0:06:02 Oh, okay.

William 0:06:03 Various airlines changed contracts fairly recently. Um, Becca said Jordan would make a great spin teacher. He's got the good vibes and energy.

Jordan 0:06:10 A lot of people thinking this, aren't they?

William 0:06:11 No, you'd get bored. You get distracted.

Jordan 0:06:13 Come on, girls!

William 0:06:14 You'd get distracted halfway through.

Jordan 0:06:15 I need a hero! Calling out for a hero! Oh,

William 0:06:18 me bad. You'd suddenly take your phone out and stop spinning, and everyone in the class would just stop.

Jordan 0:06:22 I wouldn't. I'd be good. I'm liking this.

William 0:06:24 This is odd. Tynan said that I can see William as an undertaker.

Jordan 0:06:28 Face for it. Yeah.

William 0:06:31 I'd be confused with the corpse.

Jordan 0:06:32 No, no, no. Yeah. Face for it. A very sad-looking face.

William 0:06:37 That's just sitting opposite you.

Jordan 0:06:38 You would be a good undertaker.

William 0:06:40 Okay.

Jordan 0:06:41 Git. You git. I'm thinking of Rodney in Fools and Horses.

William 0:06:44 Jenna said Jordan would be great working in a staff canteen giving out meatballs and sausages.

Speaker B 0:06:48 Very— I mean, again, I would love that.

William 0:06:51 I can see you in a hairnet.

Speaker B 0:06:52 Mm.

William 0:06:53 And an apron.

Ben 0:06:54 Maybe he should wear a hairnet every week with that do.

William 0:06:57 Yes, the mallet is malleting.

Speaker B 0:06:59 Right, what is up with you and your shit insults this week? With that do? Christ.

William 0:07:06 You do look a bit like—

Speaker B 0:07:07 It's like arguing with Little Lord Fauntleroy. What's going on here?

William 0:07:10 Michaela, or Michaelia, said, suggested I work as a London tour guide. Queues for an Insta phone box pic at Westminster, common. Oh, I see. That's what I'd be saying. Claire thinks I'd work on a fragrance concession in a high-end department store.

Jordan 0:07:24 Wendy used to do

William 0:07:25 that. Frankie, which high-end department store?

Jordan 0:07:27 Debenhams.

William 0:07:29 Frankie said— I said nothing. Frankie said—

Jordan 0:07:33 Sometimes you don't have to.

William 0:07:34 No. Frankie said, I can picture Jordan as a camp counsellor. Obviously, that's someone working at a summer camp. Nothing else.

Speaker B 0:07:43 That's a camp counsellor.

William 0:07:44 Yeah.

Speaker B 0:07:45 How does that make you feel? Oh, the bitch. Is that what she said?

William 0:07:49 Gwenda's back.

Speaker B 0:07:50 Oh, I would have done exactly the same thing. What you've got to ask yourself is, why did you slash the tyres on his car? I would be good at that.

William 0:08:01 You would. Basically doing it now. Will said we could get jobs on Micah's building site. And finally—

Speaker B 0:08:07 Been there, done that.

William 0:08:08 Yeah. Well, for a few weeks until you decided you wanted to do the arts.

Speaker B 0:08:11 A lot of people forget this. It was 18 months.

Ben 0:08:13 Mind-blowing.

Speaker B 0:08:15 It was!

Ben 0:08:16 I know!

Speaker B 0:08:17 It was in— 'cause this— at high school, certain kids went out and did trades, and that was me.

William 0:08:23 You've done a lot of trade. And Alex thinks Jordan could run a pub and I could run the country. I could run this country. I'd run it very well.

Speaker B 0:08:32 Do you think?

William 0:08:33 Oh, yes.

Speaker B 0:08:33 At the time of recording, Andy Burnham is the Prime Minister.

William 0:08:37 Yeah. For now.

Speaker B 0:08:38 For now. So we don't know what's happening. happening, uh, next. I would run a good pub. I'm too indecisive to run a country.

William 0:08:45 Yes. Yeah, I can't, I can't see you at the G7.

Speaker B 0:08:49 I'd be there at a cabinet meeting and I'd be like, yeah, right, no, we'll do that. Yeah, we'll cut taxes here and we'll, we'll tax the super, super rich. The super, super— yeah, those billionaires are all avoiding it. Yeah,

William 0:09:02 yeah.

Jordan 0:09:03 And then I'd go out and I'd be like, hang on, Is that the right thing to do, actually?

William 0:09:08 Yeah, you'd make a decision and then vacillate.

Jordan 0:09:10 Yeah. What does that mean?

William 0:09:11 Then, just exactly as you described. Now, Jordan—

Jordan 0:09:15 What do you think of Number 10B?

William 0:09:17 Number what?

Jordan 0:09:19 Number 10 in Manchester.

William 0:09:20 Do you know, I'm gonna be completely honest with you. I haven't read a newspaper. I don't know. I mean, I don't know what's going on.

Jordan 0:09:26 I know you don't know, but basically there's Number 10 in Manchester now.

William 0:09:28 Is there?

Jordan 0:09:29 Yeah. And they've earned themselves like a Number 10 Downing Street in Manchester.

William 0:09:32 I thought you said Number 10B as in the sort of the pool.

Speaker B 0:09:35 Number 10B, that's what they're calling it, aren't they? A place in Devon or whatever.

William 0:09:39 Okay.

Speaker B 0:09:39 We get it, Andy, you're northern. Don't make it your personality.

William 0:09:44 Right? There's already someone that's done that.

Speaker B 0:09:46 Honestly, there's more to being— there's more to you than being northern. Honestly, don't make it your whole entire shtick. People will get bored of it very quick. You're more than that, Andy.

William 0:09:58 Well, there are so many problems in this country, and the fact that we didn't have a Number 10 in Manchester is absolutely top of the list. You've had a little hungover panic about being 40 for the next World Cup.

Speaker B 0:10:10 Don't.

William 0:10:11 It's 4 years away, so you've had plenty of time to make the most of your 30s. So we asked GNDivas what you should do or learn before they're 40, Jordan.

Speaker B 0:10:19 And these are from our over-40 GNDivas, I assume.

William 0:10:22 Presumably, yeah. So you've got 4 years to get on with this. Declan said people should learn the opening line to the podcast they've been doing for 8 years.

Speaker B 0:10:29 Hello and welcome to Help I Sucks at My Boss, the podcast where we help you navigate the challenges of modern-day life.

William 0:10:35 Do the next one.

Speaker B 0:10:37 Answering. Answering your 21st century questions and finding solutions to those everyday dilemmas like—

William 0:10:42 You see, you can do it! So why do we have to give you a whole show cue?

Speaker B 0:10:46 Or what should you do if you accidentally sexted your boss?

Jordan 0:10:50 But we're not usual agony ants, are we?

Speaker B 0:10:51 William Hanson, the UK's leading etiquette expert.

William 0:10:53 Very good.

Speaker B 0:10:54 Thank you.

William 0:10:55 So Declan, there we go.

Speaker B 0:10:56 Up yours, Declan.

William 0:10:57 Sarah said everyone should learn to fold a fitted sheet properly, which was a suggestion from quite a few people.

Speaker B 0:11:03 What do you mean fold a fitted sheet? You know the fitted sheet with the elastic?

William 0:11:06 that you put on the sort of the bed. Oh yeah. If you're sleeping on a flat sheet.

Speaker B 0:11:09 Many a night, mine's pinged up and shot me in the eye.

William 0:11:11 And the fitted sheets.

Speaker B 0:11:12 I know.

William 0:11:15 Yes, well, yeah, I can do that, so I don't need to learn that. Keith suggested trying a new kink.

Speaker B 0:11:20 Tried piss on holiday, weren't for me.

William 0:11:22 Jordan.

Speaker B 0:11:23 I'm joking, I'm joking.

William 0:11:25 Please. Tom said—

Speaker B 0:11:28 Try a new kink. I think you wanna be— okay.

William 0:11:32 Tom said get something pierced.

Ben 0:11:34 That's a new king.

William 0:11:35 Related.

Speaker B 0:11:35 I am thinking—

William 0:11:37 Oh no.

Speaker B 0:11:37 Of getting a tattoo.

William 0:11:39 Another one?

Speaker B 0:11:40 Well, I've only got one, this Frutto El Momento.

William 0:11:43 Where are you gonna get a tattoo?

Speaker B 0:11:43 I don't have any other tattoos.

William 0:11:45 Don't get a tattoo.

Speaker B 0:11:45 Bearing in mind, out of everyone in my family and all my brothers, I don't have a tattoo really.

Jordan 0:11:50 I've got a tiny one on the back of my, like, Achilles.

Speaker B 0:11:54 Thinking of getting one there.

William 0:11:55 Oh, saying what?

Ben 0:11:57 On the back of his bicep, his tricep.

William 0:11:59 Popping out saying what?

Speaker B 0:12:01 Actually, seeing a lad on holiday, everyone, and I was I don't know, maybe like a sun or something.

William 0:12:05 Right, okay. I know nothing about tattoos, but don't get one 'cause you— Oh, I might get one. You've got to presumably know exactly what.

Speaker B 0:12:14 Just get one there.

William 0:12:15 Stop, Jordan. I know exactly what you're doing, you little thirsty little bitch.

Jordan 0:12:19 I'm not doing anything!

William 0:12:19 Yes, you are. Oh, look at my muscle!

Speaker B 0:12:21 I just said I might get one there popping out.

Jordan 0:12:23 I don't know, I've not decided.

William 0:12:24 Where are you gonna get it again?

Speaker B 0:12:25 Oh, I'm gonna try— There.

William 0:12:27 Yeah.

Speaker B 0:12:28 Or there.

Ben 0:12:29 That is looking pretty good though.

Jordan 0:12:30 Anyway.

Ben 0:12:32 Surprising that sort of all that time you spend flicking through your phone in the gym is actually doing something.

William 0:12:38 But hang on, just show me that one on that arm. It's not as big.

Speaker B 0:12:42 No, it's not actually.

William 0:12:43 No.

Speaker B 0:12:44 It's my weaker

William 0:12:45 one. Jamie suggested learning a new language and running a marathon.

Speaker B 0:12:49 Both of which I wanna do.

William 0:12:50 Okay.

Speaker B 0:12:52 Do I declare that here?

William 0:12:53 What?

Speaker B 0:12:54 I'll do one of them before I'm 40.

William 0:12:56 Which do we think it's going to be, Ben, between marathon and learning a new language?

Ben 0:13:00 Half marathon, half a language.

Speaker B 0:13:02 Chorizo. Spanish.

William 0:13:06 I think you'll do a marathon. I don't think you'll do a language.

Speaker B 0:13:09 Is it hard doing a marathon?

Ben 0:13:12 Harder than it is to do a language. Harder than it is

Speaker B 0:13:13 to do a language. Is it?

Ben 0:13:14 I reckon.

Jordan 0:13:15 Which is going to— which is going to be quicker to

Ben 0:13:17 do? Marathon.

Jordan 0:13:18 Ah, I'll do a marathon.

William 0:13:19 Andy said, make fresh pasta.

Jordan 0:13:21 Oh, could you be arsed? Andy, could you— you can get, honestly, honestly, and I know all Italians will be kicking off and throwing their hands up and everything. Just, you can get really nice pasta from supermarket.

William 0:13:35 Like, you can go to it or go to a deli and buy it fresh, make someone else do it. Anthony said everyone should master a signature dish such as corned beef hash. You're still trying.

Speaker B 0:13:42 Excuse me. It's fine.

William 0:13:45 Enika said it would be funny to see Jordan ride a horse. Nothing to do with turning 40, just for shits and giggles.

Speaker B 0:13:51 Done it. Again, going back to the tattoos, for the same TV series, me and Beverley Callaghan.

William 0:13:55 Yes, of course you did.

Speaker B 0:13:56 I rode a horse through a vineyard in Spain.

William 0:13:59 Lovely.

Speaker B 0:13:59 Best ever TV show. I did that. I often think about it.

William 0:14:02 Better than Tattoo Kitchen?

Speaker B 0:14:03 I loved— yeah, but I was a guest on that.

William 0:14:05 Okay.

Speaker B 0:14:06 But it was— we travelled from top of Spain to bottom, and I often think about it and think that was the best month for my— one of the best months of my life, just drinking wine every night and filming. Class.

Ben 0:14:17 Well, I looked, um, at my Instagram the other day and saw that it was basically just over a year since we were in Malta, which Probably my favourite ever sexted thing we've done, so… linked.

Speaker B 0:14:26 Well, cheers. 'Cause I was working.

William 0:14:31 You were offered it.

Ben 0:14:32 Oh, sorry, Jordan, you weren't there. Sorry.

Jordan 0:14:34 One of us had to work.

William 0:14:36 Well, we were— what do you think we were doing? We were working. I mean, we had a lovely time, but we were working.

Jordan 0:14:43 Call that work.

William 0:14:43 Amy is 37 and has put together a list—

Jordan 0:14:46 I'm so petty, I've still not listened back to that episode. I can't bring myself to it.

William 0:14:51 Amy is 37 and has put together a list of 40 things to do before they're 40. And the list includes some ideas from childhood, like growing a sunflower. Ooh, we've got 2 growing at the moment. Things they've not tried before, like taking a solo trip abroad.

Speaker B 0:15:02 I'd like to do that.

William 0:15:03 And things to do with family and line dancing with their gran. Amy said, it makes you forget you're turning 40 and makes life a bit of an adventure. And then asked what would be on our list.

Speaker B 0:15:14 I like the idea of a list, but I'm just— As I'm getting older, I just want to go and watch telly. So I won't— they'd be like, oh, you've got that line— don't forget you've got that line dancing class today. I can't be arsed.

William 0:15:28 Hmm, I couldn't be bothered with line dancing.

Speaker B 0:15:31 Paddle. That's what I think I want to do. Yeah, maybe something I could do before I'm 40. What could I do? I'm not, I'm not, I'm not parachuting or bungee jumping.

William 0:15:43 Oh no.

Speaker B 0:15:43 God no.

William 0:15:44 No. That— because it's bound to, and with you it was bound to go wrong.

Speaker B 0:15:47 I say it all the, all the time to the Capital guys. I'm like, when they're coming up with new ideas and stuff and got new— I'm like, no parachutes, no bungee jumps, and no snakes. Those are my rules. I'm not doing snakes.

William 0:16:00 I'd like to learn to tap dance.

Speaker B 0:16:01 I can imagine you as a bit of a tap dancer.

William 0:16:04 I actually would quite like to learn to tap dance. Um, and I'd also— and I'm going to do this in a few weeks' time once I have some holes drilled into the bottom of a stainless Our aluminium planter I've got in the garden. I'm going to grow my own potatoes. It's very easy to do.

Speaker B 0:16:17 But will you boil them afterwards?

William 0:16:19 I'll do all sorts. If you're coming round, yes.

Jordan 0:16:22 I think honestly boiled potatoes are so underrated. I really do.

William 0:16:26 Finally, a lot of people said to get over it, as there's nothing wrong with turning 40, and lots of people have found their 40s are when they can stop caring what other people think.

Speaker B 0:16:34 Not that I read the comments, but that wasn't the point of me having a breakdown It was just the fact that I'm gonna be 40 for the next World Cup, and I don't think I personally can wear a football shirt when you're 40. That's what I was saying. My personal opinion.

William 0:16:49 Your opinion.

Speaker B 0:16:49 There'll be more of your listeners' responses and questions on whatever else we do next.

William 0:18:24 Welcome back, GeoDivers. Louise has messaged in to notify me that I've been mentioned in a book. The book is called Good for You by Lucy Vine. And here is the extract where I'm mentioned. He nods and my stomach rumbles quietly. It's after lunch. Is it inconsiderate to suggest we get something to eat for ourselves too? What's the etiquette for when you're driving your therapist to his mum's house during a medical emergency, but you're starving because you only had 3 spoonfuls of tiramisu for breakfast since it's the only food in the house? It's probably too niche an example for William Hanson to have covered in his etiquette books, but I'm guessing it would be frowned upon. You're not really allowed an appetite in times of crisis. Well, there we go.

Speaker B 0:19:02 Wow, you're mentioned in a novel!

William 0:19:03 I'm mentioned in a novel. That's very kind of you, Lucy Vine. And thank you, Louise, for sending that in.

Jordan 0:19:08 Just to be the lovely best friend I am, to keep your feet on the ground. At the time of recording, I interviewed Ricky Gervais today.

William 0:19:14 Okay.

Jordan 0:19:15 And he didn't have a clue who you were.

William 0:19:16 Well, that's fine.

Jordan 0:19:17 So yeah, just—

William 0:19:18 Okay, thank you so much.

Jordan 0:19:19 Keep your feet on the ground.

William 0:19:19 No, that's fine. Thank you.

Jordan 0:19:22 It's what friends are for.

William 0:19:23 It is what friends are for. It is what friends are for. But great that you mentioned— And I find The Office boring. Once you've seen one episode, you've seen them all. They were better, just my opinion.

Speaker B 0:19:31 Well, that's not— it's probably the best British sitcom ever made.

William 0:19:33 I think the American one's better.

Speaker B 0:19:34 People do say that.

William 0:19:37 Thank you very much. I mean, it's a totally different style of comedy, I would also say, just to be fair.

Speaker B 0:19:41 Hear me out.

William 0:19:42 Okay.

Speaker B 0:19:42 I decided this on the way over here today. My favourite ever guest.

William 0:19:46 Ricky Gervais?

Speaker B 0:19:47 Genuinely. Out of all the people I've interviewed, and I'm very lucky and I love my job.

William 0:19:51 Who was the other 2 you did?

Speaker B 0:19:51 Robert De Niro. Yeah. Taylor Swift, Harry Styles. He's my fave. I just— he's a nice bloke.

William 0:19:58 Did he come in?

Speaker B 0:19:58 He came in. He's so lovely. He's so unassuming. and really funny. Oh, and afterwards always sticks around like as a, like as a proper laugh with everyone, like genuinely like belly laughs. I can't speak. I know he's not everyone's cup of tea, but I've loved him since a kid. And I was on the way over, I thought, you know what, he's twice been on the show now and he's my favourite ever guest.

William 0:20:16 Oh, well, that's nice. I'm sure he'll come back.

Speaker B 0:20:18 And that's why we were chatting about him and I went, I'm sorry, I'm gonna have to rush, I've got a podcast.

William 0:20:21 Well, thank you. And explained the podcast.

Jordan 0:20:23 But he said he's not really— don't listen to pods and he's not— he doesn't read papers and stuff.

William 0:20:28 Do you know what, Joel, I will, I will find a way to get over it. Okay, gotcha. Gary has messaged from his honeymoon. Dear William Jordan, producer Ben, and Izzy, I've been a loyal, self-respecting Geendiva since day one, though I briefly lost my way and fell off the wagon during the COVID era.

Speaker B 0:20:42 I think that's when we peaked. I think some of the—

William 0:20:45 That's when you left us, Gary.

Speaker B 0:20:47 Genuinely, in COVID, I've heard a few episodes not that long ago, and I was like, oh god, it might've been on Zoom, but—

William 0:20:53 Yeah.

Speaker B 0:20:54 Yeah.

William 0:20:54 When I started my new job as a postman back in 2024, I decided to power through 3 full years of back catalogue episodes on my delivery round. Having you all in my ears every Tuesday and Friday makes walking miles all year round much better. Come heatwave or pouring, infinitely more bearable. Even if I do look like a total lunatic howling with laughter while trying to post someone's junk mail. And don't worry, William, I always ensure the stamps are facing the correct way up. It's been great keeping up with everything lately, from Jordan playing at Soccer Aid— though as a massive football fan, it pains me deeply to even say the word soccer— and voicing a garden gnome in Toy Story 5, to William treading the boards on the Titanic Though, William, you really need to be doing the run somewhere properly up north. Well, I'm afraid the West End is in the West End. I can't do much about that. And of course relying on Izzy to keep you all updated as the show's resident Gen Z expert. Life's been a bit of a whirlwind on my end too. After 10 fantastic years together, I finally made an honest woman of my wonderful wife Danielle. I'm actually writing this while on honeymoon raising a proper gin and a bonnet to you all, though I'm being careful not to spill a drop on my shirt. Thank you for keeping me company on the streets and providing the absolute best distraction on my round. Yours, etiquettefully, What

Speaker B 0:22:05 a lovely

William 0:22:05 message, Gary. That's very nice. Thank you. And I hope you're having a lovely honeymoon.

Speaker B 0:22:08 Great job being a postman as well. Beats walking the streets all day.

William 0:22:12 Good.

Speaker B 0:22:15 You like that one?

William 0:22:15 Yeah, it's nice.

Speaker B 0:22:16 Nice one, Gary. That was a lovely letter. Thanks, buddy.

William 0:22:19 Carl has written in with a bit of Irish funeral etiquette. Hello, William and Jordan.

Speaker B 0:22:23 When it comes to funerals, the Irish— now, I don't care what you etiquette experts think you know. When it comes to funerals, the Irish know. That's all I'm gonna say. Give me an Irish send-off. Open casket, the lot. Guinness.

William 0:22:37 Okay.

Speaker B 0:22:38 I want my coffin in your living room, on that horrible-looking sofa, and people can come round and have a look.

William 0:22:45 Okay.

Speaker B 0:22:46 That's what I want. Open casket. I'm not even Catholic, but go on.

William 0:22:49 Okay. After your discussion about the etiquette of overtaking a hearse carrying a coffin in a previous episode, I thought I'd share a bit of Irish folklore. In Ireland, it's generally considered respectful not to overtake a hearse while it's carrying a coffin. While it's more a matter of tradition and respect than law, many people will wait until the hearse has reached its destination before passing. One of the most famous stories linked to this is the legendary Curse of Mayo. The story that after Mayo won the 1951 All-Ireland Football Championship, the team allegedly overtook, or otherwise showed disrespect to, a funeral procession on their journey home.

Speaker B 0:23:22 They won last weekend as well! Oh, sorry, carry on.

William 0:23:25 According to the legend, an angry priest declared that Mayo would not win another All-Ireland until every member of that 1951 team had passed away. Whether it's true or just great folklore, Mayo went 75 years without another All-Ireland title. In a remarkable twist, the last surviving member of the 1951 team passed away a few years ago, and today, at time of his writing, Mayo won their first All-Ireland since 1951.

Speaker B 0:23:48 No way!

William 0:23:49 So, if nothing else is—

Speaker B 0:23:51 I've got tingles.

William 0:23:53 It's a good reason not to risk overtaking a hearse in Ireland. We also have several other traditions in relation to wakes and funerals. For example, do you know why a wake is called a wake? It's a period of time to ensure the person did not wake up, that they were actually dead. Mirrors in the room with the coffin should be covered with a cloth. Clocks should be stopped. And there are several, several more. Curtains closed as well. Love the show. Carl.

Jordan 0:24:15 When my granddad died on Cromwell Street, everyone closed the curtains.

William 0:24:19 Oh, well, there we go. Yeah. Well, that's lovely.

Jordan 0:24:21 Well, that's given me another bloody superstition to add to the list.

William 0:24:24 What? Close the door?

Jordan 0:24:25 Don't overtake a hearse.

William 0:24:26 I mean, it's not something you'll put in a position every day.

Speaker B 0:24:30 That, and don't wash—

William 0:24:31 do any washing on New Year's Day because you'll wash someone out of your life. Yeah. Carolina in Vietnam has a question regarding some mixed messaging she's been hearing. Dear William Jordan, EPB, and the rest of the Sexted crew, I have a question for William. I recently watched William on the Bottoms Up podcast with Alan Carr and Lee Peart and am a little confused. On an episode of Sexted, William stated that the colour of our socks should be an extension of the shoe. Yet, in his appearance on Bottoms Up, he chose to wear socks in a colour that can only be described as a flesh colour or beige— they were pink— despite wearing chocolate brown loafers. So, my question is this: is there a different rule for different types of shoe? When, if ever, is it acceptable to wear flesh-coloured socks? Kind regards, Carolina.

Jordan 0:25:12 Okay, first things first, love it when you call William out on his faux pas.

William 0:25:15 I'm not— it wasn't a faux pas.

Jordan 0:25:17 Second thing, it was pink on camera, so it's not their fault how they see it.

William 0:25:21 What do you mean?

Jordan 0:25:23 The sock. You're saying it was—

William 0:25:25 Well, it's pink. I was in a green linen suit and a brown loafer. So, in that instance, it's very hard to find sagey green socks, and in that, you would do a contrasting. Today, I'm in some cream Action— Bastard butt. I'm in some cream Action slacks. I've got a brown suede loafer on, and I've got a sort of a a patterned blue sock. It's normally with a formal suit, such as dark grey, dark navy, that the sock would match.

Speaker B 0:25:55 Sure you etiquette experts make it up as you go along?

William 0:25:58 Joe is nodding at me, so I knew Joe would be nodding at me.

Speaker B 0:26:02 William's colleague's in for the record today, Joe. And yes, she's nodding along.

William 0:26:06 So, yes, Carolina, good spot, but there are always exceptions to the rule. And that's one of them.

Speaker B 0:26:13 There's always an exception.

William 0:26:14 You're exceptional. And finally— Thank you. Sue from Lincoln has a question regarding pearl necklaces. Oh god. One for you. Dear William, I just wanted to congratulate you on your absolutely wonderful performance in Titanic.

Jordan 0:26:27 It was wonderful.

William 0:26:28 You looked entirely at home on the West End stage, although I'm not sure whether to applaud your comic timing, your impeccable diction, or your commitment to accessorising.

Speaker B 0:26:35 Alright, climb out.

William 0:26:37 One question has been occup— That's quite funny. One question has been occupying my mind ever since the curtain came down. Do you get to keep the pearl necklace? It seemed to suit you rather well, and I'd hate to think it was destined to be returned to props. Though perhaps in the interest of good etiquette, one should never ask a gentleman what becomes of his pearls after an evening's performance. Thank you for such a gloriously—

Jordan 0:26:57 It really made me laugh too. Bless you.

William 0:26:59 Thank you for such a gloriously entertaining show. It was every bit as fabulous as I'd hoped, and you were a genuine highlight. Wishing you every success for the rest of the run. It's over. With warmest congratulations, Sue from Lincoln. Well, that's nice. No, I don't keep anything.

Jordan 0:27:12 Was it costume jewellery, I take it?

William 0:27:14 It was. Do you know where they were from? You'll be happy.

Speaker B 0:27:17 Go on.

William 0:27:18 M&S. Correct.

Speaker B 0:27:19 Were they actually? Yes.

William 0:27:20 I don't buy them. I don't buy costumes. David and Mikey in costumes buy them.

Speaker B 0:27:24 Tell them if they want to offer M&S. Oh, I actually can't just give out me—

William 0:27:28 No, you can't do that. No. No, there's a budget for costumes.

Speaker B 0:27:31 Oh, okay.

William 0:27:32 And actually, in the script, the first— you know when you do— I do my fair, fair, and you have previously imitated that.

Speaker B 0:27:40 God, it's like being there.

William 0:27:41 Yeah, thank you. The first fair is, I'll tell you what's not fair are these pearls from TK Maxx. And I was like, I don't think that's very funny, so I'm going to change that. So I changed it to my accent one.

Speaker B 0:27:51 Oh, what was your line?

William 0:27:53 Hiring someone who speaks the King's English and making them do the whole damn show in a questionable American accent. Brought the house down most nights.

Jordan 0:28:01 Well, I think the TK Maxx was a good line.

William 0:28:03 Yeah, but everyone does the TK Maxx line.

Jordan 0:28:06 Yeah.

William 0:28:06 I wanted to make it my own. I'm joking.

Jordan 0:28:07 Of course, it's very funny.

William 0:28:08 Thank you very

Speaker B 0:28:09 much. Right, it's now time to finish with our comment of the week.

William 0:28:13 Yes.

Speaker B 0:28:13 This can be a comment from Spotify, YouTube, or any of our socials.

William 0:28:16 Here are the honourable mentions. Xander commented on Spotify on one of our recent Friday episodes to say, this episode was so cunty, it's great. Thank you. I said that Mikey had messaged me about how well I fold towels. So The Giant Sardine commented on Spotify, now I desperately need to know how William is folding his towels.

Speaker B 0:28:35 How do you fold a towel?

William 0:28:36 Maybe I'll bring a towel in. I'll do a little demo.

Speaker B 0:28:37 Do a demo. Well, you could do that for Etiquette-ymology.

William 0:28:40 No, that's not an Etiquette-ymology. Yes, it is.

Speaker B 0:28:42 That's exactly what an Etiquette-ymology is. It's etiquette. Yours has turned into a history lesson.

William 0:28:47 Do you know what an etymology is? No. Right, well, there we go. An etymology is the derivation of something, is why we get there. So Etiquette-ymology is the derivation— You folding towels.

Speaker B 0:28:57 should be your next Etiquette-ymology.

William 0:28:59 Well, that's gonna work really well on an audio podcast, isn't it?

Speaker B 0:29:01 Well, then I'll describe it.

William 0:29:03 Okay. And our comment of the week goes to Somali, who commented on YouTube, William and Jordan are true examples of birth order. William is a proper big brother, slightly uptight, who winds up the little brother, but also gets momentarily annoyed himself. Jordan radiates middle child energy.

Speaker B 0:29:20 I'm a middle child.

William 0:29:22 Well, can you be a middle child when you're— there are 4 of you?

Speaker B 0:29:25 Yeah.

William 0:29:25 Well, there's no middle.

Speaker B 0:29:27 Me and our Doms.

William 0:29:28 Okay, you both share that, I guess.

Speaker B 0:29:30 Yeah.

William 0:29:30 Well, there we go. Thank you for all those lovely comments, and what a lovely Friday episode.

Speaker B 0:29:35 Remember, you can listen to new episodes every Tuesday and Friday and 24 hours before anywhere else on Global Play. If you want to get in touch about something that isn't a dilemma or a problem, drop into our DMs or send us an email to help@sexandmyboss.com. We also love hearing from people we offer advice to. So if that's you, get back in touch and we'll see you on Tuesday.

William 0:29:53 Goodbye.