The Sexted Exam | And School Rumours

Jordan 0:00:58 Hello and welcome to our Friday episode, where we see how much extra content we can squeeze into your week. Random things that have been sent in, extra bits that have been going on, and how our advice went down with you, our wonderful GND-ers.

William 0:01:21 Hello, what are you doing this weekend?

Jordan 0:01:23 I'm putting a new shower head on.

William 0:01:25 The entire weekend.

Jordan 0:01:27 I've got a shower head that's been there 2 weeks because my other one's squirting at all different angles.

William 0:01:32 They do need changing.

Jordan 0:01:33 So I've got a new shower head, but it's a big job. I've got to get a spanner and stuff for it.

William 0:01:38 Yes, we want to, otherwise you'll put it on and it could fall off and knock you on the head.

Jordan 0:01:41 So I'm going to, I'm determined to do that this weekend. I need to finish my book as well. I've been stuck on a book for a while.

William 0:01:47 Oh yeah.

Jordan 0:01:48 So I've got to finish that.

William 0:01:50 Which book are you stuck on?

Jordan 0:01:51 It's a long one.

William 0:01:53 Is that your 1,000-pager? Yeah. You would— you typed that in the WhatsApp group about 2 weeks ago that you were still reading. You went, I'm nearly finished my 1,000-pager, and it was described as, that's a flex.

Jordan 0:02:04 Yeah. So, I'm gonna do that, and I'm gonna go for a run.

William 0:02:08 Gosh.

Jordan 0:02:09 Probably drink lots of beer.

William 0:02:11 Lovely. Well, that's gorgeous.

Jordan 0:02:12 What about you?

William 0:02:14 Just relax. Just sort of a bit of deep cleaning. Do some laundry. Nothing particularly exciting.

Jordan 0:02:21 Do you know what? We're getting old.

William 0:02:25 But I've— if you probably go back and listen to the start of Sex Ed 8 years ago, I was probably still talking about cleaning. So, I'd like to say I'm fairly consistent.

Jordan 0:02:34 And I probably still was out from the weekend before. Yeah. So.

William 0:02:38 But yeah, just, you know, I did a— do you know, I did a lovely— I cooked over the end of the summer holidays. Very rarely do I do a new recipe. I sort of cook— I stick to my favourites. Chicken basque, Greek lamb traybake, rapid ragu, that sort of thing. I did a new Ottolenghi. Oh! I did ricotta— well, it's not that new. It was in Simple, and that cookbook's been out for at least 8 years, but it was ricotta and oregano beef meatballs. Oh, delicious! I met Ottolenghi.

Jordan 0:03:07 He was lovely.

William 0:03:07 Yeah, no, nice, but it was very nice, very easy to do.

Jordan 0:03:10 Do you know what I will be doing? I can hear his button clicking. Just give us a minute. I'm actually— we're going into Guinness season, so I'm probably gonna be having my first Guinness for the first time in 6 months.

William 0:03:19 Gosh, well, we'll alert the press.

Jordan 0:03:21 Yep. It's officially Guinness season for me. I can't have Guinness in summer, so I probably will be having a Guinness this weekend. A pint of it. Yeah. Not had a pint of Guinness for months. Ben, what about you, my friend?

Ben 0:03:31 Hi, guys.

William 0:03:33 Hello.

Jordan 0:03:33 Thank you.

Ben 0:03:34 I'm going on holiday, so.

Jordan 0:03:35 Oh, okay. He's away more than—

William 0:03:37 Another one.

Jordan 0:03:38 Can't say Judith Chalmers. No. Not 'cause she's dead, but just 'cause it's not relevant apparently. Not that she wasn't—

William 0:03:44 There's no one really that does a holiday programme like they used to be.

Jordan 0:03:47 You're away more than a— Here we go. You're away more than—

William 0:03:52 The Foreign Secretary.

Jordan 0:03:54 No, no, no. You're away more than— what's Chelsea's surname?

William 0:03:58 Dickinson.

Jordan 0:03:58 You're away more— oh, that's got— it's got a great ring to it. You're away more than Chelsea Dickinson, you.

Ben 0:04:02 The holiday expert.

William 0:04:04 The holiday expert. The holiday expert.

Jordan 0:04:06 Our friend who also does a podcast with our friend, her flatmate.

William 0:04:09 Flatmate.

Jordan 0:04:10 Flatmate?

William 0:04:11 They're flatmates.

Jordan 0:04:12 They've been going out about 20 years. Don't tell them.

William 0:04:15 Oh, is that the thing? They're flatmates.

Jordan 0:04:17 Okay.

William 0:04:17 We try not to publicise heterosexual relationships.

Jordan 0:04:19 James and—

William 0:04:20 If you can call that a heterosexual relationship.

Jordan 0:04:23 James and Chelsea's podcast that you can listen to, part of the Audio Always family.

Ben 0:04:26 The Holiday Expert Show.

Jordan 0:04:28 The Holiday Expert Show.

William 0:04:29 We did a collab with them.

Ben 0:04:30 When they were called Passports, Please.

William 0:04:32 Yes.

Jordan 0:04:33 Why have they changed it?

Ben 0:04:34 Because it's the place to go for all of your holiday expertise.

Jordan 0:04:37 Do you produce that one as well?

Ben 0:04:39 I'm connected to it.

Jordan 0:04:40 Oh, Christ.

Ben 0:04:41 He's in a WhatsApp group with us. My fingers are in a lot of pies.

William 0:04:45 Yum.

Ben 0:04:46 I react with a heart message occasionally.

Jordan 0:04:49 You're— you're— you doing that saying has given me the ick.

William 0:04:54 Following on from Tuesday's school chat, we're putting our brains to the ultimate test. The ultimate test. Okay, there's no test higher than this. Yes. This is the ultimate test.

Jordan 0:05:04 So, we did a school special on Tuesday.

William 0:05:07 Yes, to see how much we actually remember with some Sexted-style Year 6 SATs questions. What does SAT stand for? Can you remember what SAT stands for? That's a great question. Uh, uh, something assessment. I remember it was to help me put you in the sets at school.

Jordan 0:05:23 Yeah. So, like, set 1 or set 7.

Ben 0:05:26 Standard Assessment Test.

William 0:05:28 Standard Assessment Test. Now, can I— before we start this, can I ask what exam board are these questions from?

Jordan 0:05:33 AQA?

Ben 0:05:34 They are from—

William 0:05:34 Oh, of course you're AQA.

Jordan 0:05:36 What's that meant to mean? That's the only one in town. Edexcel? With who?

William 0:05:41 OCR?

Jordan 0:05:42 I thought it was just all AQA. Right, bring in the whiteboards, Izzy.

William 0:05:45 All us— it's so interesting that you immediately said AQA.

Jordan 0:05:47 AQA. Oh, how big are these?

Ben 0:05:49 What's wrong with AQA?

Jordan 0:05:51 Did you do AQA?

Ben 0:05:51 No idea.

William 0:05:53 Not even in Set 7.

Jordan 0:05:54 Okay.

William 0:05:55 Right.

Jordan 0:05:56 Ben, you're gonna ask the maths questions. Producer Ben.

Ben 0:05:58 Well, I was Set 1 for maths, so didn't get a mention for that on Tuesday.

William 0:06:01 That's 'cause you're not a presenter.

Jordan 0:06:03 He was also a virgin until he was 21, so work that out.

Ben 0:06:08 And you weren't. Right. Question 1.

William 0:06:11 He's making up for it now, though.

Jordan 0:06:12 No offence to any 21-year-old virgin sessioning.

Ben 0:06:14 Right, we've got whiteboards. I'm gonna ask the question. Keep still! You write down your answer. Sorry. No cheating. No looking at each other. Can I have a mascot? No.

William 0:06:25 'Cause I had— at school, we did exams.

Ben 0:06:28 Oh my God.

Jordan 0:06:29 I'm gonna swear, that is so fucking public school, by the way.

William 0:06:31 We used to have a mascot, so I've got a cat mascot.

Jordan 0:06:34 Yeah, if you've got a mascot, oh God. I've got my knitted camp man. I'm not bringing one in because I'm cool.

Ben 0:06:38 Really? Knitted camp man is facing the floor. That looks like William after a nice shower. Can I have a mascot?

Jordan 0:06:43 Oh, I forgot my mascot.

William 0:06:44 Okay, I'm gonna actually have it on my lap just for—

Ben 0:06:47 Even weirder. Okay. Question 1. William and his partner are trying to have a baby.

William 0:06:53 My partner? We're not a law firm.

Ben 0:06:55 Husband. William, egocentric. It's not you. It's just a random William.

William 0:06:59 Okay.

Jordan 0:07:00 These are just questions, right? Come on.

Ben 0:07:02 They're just questions. William and his partner are trying to have a baby. During—

William 0:07:06 It's not working so far.

Ben 0:07:07 During fertilisation, a sperm cell joins with an egg cell. What is the name of the cell produced when they join? Is it A, embryo, B, a zygote, or C, a foetus? Let me know when you're ready.

William 0:07:24 I'm ready.

Ben 0:07:25 You can write A, B, or C if you'd like. I'm ready.

William 0:07:27 Oh, well, I'm writing both, actually. You write the full one, okay.

Ben 0:07:29 I'm ready. Right. So, William, as you were ready first, can you please reveal your answer?

William 0:07:34 I've gone for option B, a zygote.

Ben 0:07:37 Oh, okay.

Jordan 0:07:37 I've gone for embryo.

Ben 0:07:39 I'm afraid that the correct answer is B, a zygote.

Jordan 0:07:45 What? What's a zygote?

Ben 0:07:47 It's when a sperm cell joins an egg cell.

Jordan 0:07:49 That's Greek mythology learning, isn't it? Zygote. An embryo. What's an embryo?

Ben 0:07:54 The embryo then… Becomes of the zygote. The zygote turns into the embryo at some point or another. Nice. Right, question 2.

William 0:08:01 Wait, didn't you do biology at university?

Ben 0:08:03 I did, babes. Question 2. Jordan is on holiday in Skegness. Over time, the sea gradually wears away and carries off rock from the bottom of the cliff. What process is taking place? No options on this one, so you're gonna have to think about that one.

Jordan 0:08:20 What about spelling?

Ben 0:08:20 It's not a spelling test.

Jordan 0:08:22 No, but okay, good.

Ben 0:08:23 It's a knowledge test.

Jordan 0:08:24 Don't copy. I didn't copy.

Ben 0:08:26 Although next week we could do a spelling test. I'm ready.

Jordan 0:08:28 Yes, let's do a spelling test! That'd be fun.

Speaker F 0:08:31 Let's do a spelling bee!

Ben 0:08:33 Maybe not next week. We'll give it a bit of space. Okay, we should do a sexted spelling test. Who was ready first then?

Jordan 0:08:38 Me.

Ben 0:08:38 Well, let's go for Jordan first.

Jordan 0:08:40 I went for erosion.

Ben 0:08:41 Okay, it is spelt wrong. Erosion.

William 0:08:44 Erosion. I wonder who'll win the spelling test.

Jordan 0:08:50 That's a laugh at dyslexia.

Ben 0:08:51 And William, if you could read out your answer.

William 0:08:53 I've gone for the more conventionally spelled erosion.

Jordan 0:08:56 How have I spelt that wrong? That's insane. Just an extra R.

William 0:08:58 Eroisin. That's like an Irish first name.

Jordan 0:09:00 Eroisin.

Ben 0:09:01 Okay, so—

Jordan 0:09:02 Eroisin.

Ben 0:09:03 It's currently 2 correct answers from William and 1 correct answer from Jordan. After 2 questions.

William 0:09:09 2-1, 2-1, 2-1, 2-1. Oh my God.

Jordan 0:09:12 So glad we didn't know each other in school.

Ben 0:09:15 Question 3. Now listen carefully, please. At church, Gen Z Izzy picks up the long, rigid object and placed it carefully into the narrow hole. What type of words are long and rigid?

Jordan 0:09:31 Oh, okay. Options?

William 0:09:35 Search terms. You want options?

Ben 0:09:37 I've got options.

William 0:09:37 Okay.

Ben 0:09:38 Okay. Option A, verbs, B, adverbs, or C, adjectives. I feel like I'm saying every one of those words weirdly. Okay, let me know when you're ready. I'm ready.

Jordan 0:09:53 I'm ready.

William 0:09:54 I'm ready.

Ben 0:09:55 Okay, William, please reveal your answer.

William 0:09:57 I've gone for option C, adjectives.

Jordan 0:09:59 I've gone for adjectives as well.

Ben 0:10:01 Okay, also spelt incorrectly. There's only one— I'm not saying— I'm saying that with love, Jordan. It's just one D in adjectives. So, that is the correct answer.

Jordan 0:10:10 Because that's a describing word.

William 0:10:12 It is a describing word.

Jordan 0:10:13 A verb's a doing word.

Ben 0:10:15 Can you think of another describing word? Maybe you're describing words for each other.

William 0:10:18 I'm thinking of just—

Jordan 0:10:20 You are a bellend.

Ben 0:10:20 That's a noun. You use that one too.

Jordan 0:10:22 Oh, he's a bellend now. Ben—

Ben 0:10:26 You are a lovely bellend.

Jordan 0:10:28 Ben is—

William 0:10:28 Lovely is not an adjective. Is it not?

Jordan 0:10:30 Yeah, it is.

William 0:10:31 Or is it an adverb?

Ben 0:10:31 Sounds like it.

William 0:10:32 Yeah, it's an adverb.

Jordan 0:10:34 You are a sweaty man.

Ben 0:10:38 Okay, no, I think— because I think that would be an adverb as well, right? I think it would— You are sweaty. That would be an adjective.

Jordan 0:10:44 All right. Okay.

Ben 0:10:45 Right. Sorry. Okay, 3-2 to William. We still having fun?

William 0:10:49 Oh, I'm having loads of fun, mainly because I'm winning.

Ben 0:10:52 Okay, well, there's 2 more questions.

William 0:10:54 I'm actually used to not being competitive, and I think 8 years ago I wouldn't have given a toss about this. I am now competitive.

Ben 0:11:00 Now you're tossing. Yeah. Okay, question 4. Jump Cut Jack says, I fancy a trip to Uranus. Which number planet is Uranus from the Sun?

William 0:11:13 Uranus, I think you'll find it's called.

Jordan 0:11:14 Can I show my workings out?

Ben 0:11:16 Please do.

William 0:11:16 Your workings out?

Jordan 0:11:18 Yeah.

Ben 0:11:19 So— You actually do—

William 0:11:21 Actually, I haven't written the number.

Ben 0:11:22 If you do the right workings out but you get the answer wrong, then you do get a pat on the back.

Jordan 0:11:27 Okay, right there.

William 0:11:28 I'm not working— this is confusing me that you're working it out. I think I've got this wrong. Do we need to— is there a sum involved for this?

Ben 0:11:34 Do you want me to ask the question again?

William 0:11:36 Well, it's which— how far away is the— well, not how far, you don't want like—

Ben 0:11:41 Which number planet is Uranus from the Sun in the sequence? Yes, the order, like first or second.

William 0:11:46 Yeah. Yeah, but maths. Well, that's numbers, yeah. But working it out, okay.

Jordan 0:11:51 Right.

William 0:11:51 I'd be interested to see—

Ben 0:11:52 I know what he's doing.

William 0:11:52 Okay.

Ben 0:11:53 And I'm sure there's a lot of people at home who know what he's doing. Okay, I'm gonna show my workings out.

Jordan 0:11:56 You ready?

Ben 0:11:57 Okay, so Jordan, you wanna reveal yourself?

Jordan 0:11:58 Okay.

William 0:11:59 6. Why've—

Jordan 0:12:02 I've drawn a— I drew a cock 'cause I got bored, and I'd already worked it out. So I'm showing my workings out. So you've written M-V-E— Many vile earthlings. M-V-E-M-J-U-N-P. Many vile earthlings. Munch jam sandwiches under newspaper piles. So that's how I remember the planets.

Ben 0:12:21 That's what AQA taught.

William 0:12:22 That's fine.

Jordan 0:12:23 Yeah. So, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. Uranus is the 6th.

William 0:12:30 I've gone for 7th. 6th, 7th, I don't know.

Jordan 0:12:32 Oh, shit. They don't class Pluto as one now, do they?

William 0:12:36 Well, that wouldn't— it doesn't matter if they did or not, because according to your thing, that was the last one.

Ben 0:12:41 I'm going to go through the planets.

Jordan 0:12:43 Yeah.

Ben 0:12:43 And then can you hold me your board up, Jordan, so I can see it?

Jordan 0:12:46 Many vile earthlings.

Ben 0:12:47 Firstly is Mercury.

Jordan 0:12:49 Yeah.

Ben 0:12:49 Venus. Earth.

Jordan 0:12:52 Earth. Mars.

Ben 0:12:52 Mars. Jupiter.

Jordan 0:12:54 Jupiter. Uranus.

Ben 0:12:56 Saturn.

Jordan 0:12:57 Many vile earthlings. Oh, I forgot the S! Fuck!

Ben 0:13:02 And then your anus. So if you—

William 0:13:04 Urinus?

Ben 0:13:05 Urinus.

Jordan 0:13:06 Bollocks!

Ben 0:13:06 Your royal anus.

Jordan 0:13:08 No! I'm so annoyed!

Ben 0:13:10 Your royal anus. Oh, I'm sorry, Jordan.

Jordan 0:13:12 No!

Ben 0:13:12 It is the 7th planet. Oh, can I not?

Jordan 0:13:15 I should— do I get a point for showing my working out?

Ben 0:13:17 Sure, okay.

William 0:13:18 Yeah, but your working out was wrong.

Jordan 0:13:19 Yeah, but still, I always got told if you work— even if the answer is wrong and you're working— oh yeah.

Ben 0:13:23 Yeah, but your working out was a bit wrong.

Jordan 0:13:25 Oh, for God's sake, I forgot to put the S on.

Ben 0:13:27 It's 4-2 to William. It's an unassailable list— lead.

William 0:13:31 4-2. Does that mean I've basically won whatever happens?

Ben 0:13:33 We've got one more question.

Jordan 0:13:34 That's what unassailable means, you knob.

William 0:13:37 Spell unassailable. Spell unassailable.

Ben 0:13:40 One last question. Just, this is for pride. And I know that obviously there was discussion in the previous episode about— That was last night in Manchester. Very funny. About William being in Set 7 and Jordan being in Set 4.

William 0:13:51 I was in Set 7 for 3 weeks.

Jordan 0:13:53 I was in Set 5, but then got moved up to Set 4.

Ben 0:13:55 Yeah. So, good luck with this one is all I'm gonna say. Okay. Okay, so question 5. A gin and Dubonnet cost £11 altogether.

William 0:14:03 Okay. That's cheap.

Jordan 0:14:04 Do I have to write this down? £11.

Ben 0:14:06 The gin costs £10 more than the Dubonnet. How much does the Dubonnet cost?

Jordan 0:14:12 Oh, I do not— Say it again.

Ben 0:14:15 Gin and Dubonnet cost £11 altogether.

Jordan 0:14:19 Yeah.

Ben 0:14:19 The gin costs £10 more than the Dubonnet. How much does the Dubonnet cost? I hate the word Dubonnet. I can't say it. Dubonnet.

William 0:14:29 Excuse me, could you get off the podcast?

Jordan 0:14:30 Right, okay. Just say it one more time.

Ben 0:14:32 Gin and Dubonnet.

Jordan 0:14:34 Yeah.

Ben 0:14:35 Costs £11. 11 quid.

Jordan 0:14:37 Yeah.

Ben 0:14:37 The gin costs £10 more than the Dubonnet.

Jordan 0:14:40 Right.

Ben 0:14:41 How much does the Dubonnet cost?

Jordan 0:14:45 It's not easy. Where's your pen? Okay, are you ready?

William 0:14:49 Uh, hang on.

Jordan 0:14:51 One more time.

William 0:14:52 Just doing my workings.

Ben 0:14:54 Right, I'm not doing it again.

Jordan 0:14:55 Okay.

Ben 0:14:55 Do you want it again? Yeah. I'm not doing it again after this.

William 0:15:00 But don't— let's not, Jordan, let's not— whatever happens, you were in a higher set maths than me, and you made that perfectly clear on Tuesday. This is your time to shine.

Ben 0:15:08 Gin and Dubonnet. Jordan walks into a bar—

Jordan 0:15:12 No, don't confuse it. Don't add stuff in.

Ben 0:15:14 I'm adding stuff in. Just say it again.

Jordan 0:15:16 I can't get my head around it.

Ben 0:15:17 A gin and Dubonnet costs £11.

Jordan 0:15:19 Yeah.

Ben 0:15:20 That's the total figure.

Jordan 0:15:21 Mm-hmm.

Ben 0:15:22 As part of that figure, the gin costs £10 more than the Dubonnet. So we're trying to work out How you'd get to £11.

Jordan 0:15:31 So, what's the question?

Ben 0:15:34 How much does the Debonnet cost?

William 0:15:36 Okay. Ah, now I've just seen what Jordan's written.

Ben 0:15:39 Oh, oh, no! I'm not changing it! You're not supposed to be looking!

William 0:15:42 I had finished writing. My pen was down.

Ben 0:15:44 Okay.

William 0:15:45 And I just saw Jordan had it flat on the desk, darling. So, you know.

Ben 0:15:49 I'm only joshing. I'm only joshing. But I—

William 0:15:51 Now, it's interesting that you've written that, because that was what I was originally going to put. So I'm now annoyed that he might have got this right.

Ben 0:15:57 Oh no! Well, how do we want to reveal it?

Jordan 0:16:00 Jordan, you do yours.

William 0:16:01 Do it together.

Jordan 0:16:02 1, 2, 3.

Ben 0:16:03 Okay. Jordan has written a pound.

William 0:16:07 I've also drawn Jordan's penis.

Ben 0:16:08 With some working. And William has written 50p with a very hairy penis.

William 0:16:14 Jordan's penis. Small.

Ben 0:16:15 Small and hairy. Grow up. Okay, I can reveal that someone has got the right answer. And the right answer is… 50p.

Jordan 0:16:26 Bollocks! How's it 50p if it's £10 more? This is bullshit. This is bullshit.

Ben 0:16:35 Do you want me to show my workings?

Jordan 0:16:37 No.

William 0:16:37 Yes, actually do, because I thought it was—

Jordan 0:16:39 The gin and Dubonnet is £11, right? The Dubonnet costs £10 more than the gin. Yeah, yeah, £10 more, something like that, is a tenner plus the pound, so it's a pound you What?

Ben 0:16:54 So what? So, okay, give me the answer for £10 more than £1, because that's the question.

Jordan 0:16:58 £10 more than £1? Yeah. I don't understand. I don't understand.

Ben 0:17:03 Okay, the trick is what you're doing is you're adding up to £11 with £10, but the trick is that it's the difference. It's the £10 difference between the 2 drinks. So if the Dubonnet were £1, like Jordan has said, the gin would be £11, making the total £12. But we're looking for the total to be £11. So we halve the difference. £10 divided by 2 equals £5. I don't really get that bit, but Jordan's written, Ben is a dick. Actually, we're talking about nicknames on the Tuesday episode. My nickname, as my name is actually Benedict, again, I think by the man who was really hurt by the fact that I'd broken up with this girl, he called me Ben's a dick. So thanks for that trauma. The Dubonnet is 50p, the gin is £10.50, and that adds up to be £11 total. That's what we're looking for.

Jordan 0:17:49 Great.

William 0:17:50 I thought that was great fun.

Ben 0:17:52 Which— so, just as a reminder, Jordan, 2 out of 5 commiserations. William, you are the winner. You are the Sexiest Acts champion.

William 0:18:01 That's 'cause I had a mask on. Congratulations. Thank you.

Jordan 0:18:04 Oh, that's a little certificate.

William 0:18:06 Aww.

Jordan 0:18:07 Why have you— why is his name already written on it?

William 0:18:09 Well, you know, come on.

Ben 0:18:10 No, it was written live. It was like the the Premier League when they scratch it in at the end of the season.

William 0:18:14 It says, Certificate of Achievement— leave my mascot— William Hanson, for coming first during the Help I Sected My Boss Year 6 exam held on September 8th— you've done the American format, that's interesting— 2026. Chairman Emeritus Stu. Talking of forged signatures.

Ben 0:18:30 We were also talking about forged signatures on Tuesday. Not here today. Stu hasn't come today.

William 0:18:35 And EPB. That isn't his actual signature.

Ben 0:18:38 That is mine.

William 0:18:39 That's not your signature. Your signature is not the initials EPB.

Ben 0:18:42 It's my autograph, babes.

Jordan 0:18:44 Right, we're moving on. Continuing the theme of back to school from last Tuesday's episode, we asked all you wonderful Gene Divas to send in the weirdest, wildest, and most ridiculous school myths and rumours that they remember. There's always loads. I went to a few schools and they always got round. I've got one—

William 0:18:59 Wasn't there one about the test tube?

Jordan 0:19:00 Yes, but I wanna see if this is in there. Okay. So if not, I'll tie it in. That's what she said. Alright, what have we got?

William 0:19:06 Um, so KJ said, every teacher seemed to know the story about the boy who died after hitting his head while swinging on a chair. Surely they weren't all talking about the same boy.

Jordan 0:19:14 Oh yeah, I remember him that died swinging on his chair. I was always swinging on my chair.

William 0:19:18 Alex said, my geography teacher was a sheep shagger.

Jordan 0:19:21 Do you know what? That does ring a bell. Geography teacher shagging a sheep.

William 0:19:25 Well, I think that's probably not true then. I mean, it probably statistically has happened at some point. Helena said, or Helena said, we had an art teacher who apparently had a wooden boob.

Jordan 0:19:36 How can you have a wooden tit? Ain't that a bird?

William 0:19:41 A wood tit?

Jordan 0:19:42 Yeah, isn't it? A wooden tit.

Ben 0:19:44 No, not a wooden tit. And a booby is a bird as well.

Jordan 0:19:48 And a booby?

Ben 0:19:49 Booby?

Jordan 0:19:51 And a booby?

William 0:19:52 No.

Ben 0:19:52 No, not— I went to school with her. Booby is a tropical seabird.

William 0:19:58 Pete said that a girl put peanut butter on her vag and got her dog to clean it up.

Jordan 0:20:04 See, mine, it was a guy put it on his willy.

William 0:20:06 Mark said that William Hansen used to toss off the rugby team in the changing rooms. Honestly.

Ben 0:20:10 That's not a rumour.

William 0:20:11 It wasn't the changing rooms.

Ben 0:20:12 Can't be a rumour if it's fact.

William 0:20:14 Lorna said if you swallowed chewing gum, it stayed in your stomach for 12 years.

Jordan 0:20:18 And if you swallowed pips, that you'd grow an apple tree.

William 0:20:21 Apple pips have traces of cyanide in. I believe. Not enough to kill anyone, but if you had an awful lot of apple pips, you probably wouldn't come out too good. Jimmy said that a kid stuck his knob in a Billy Big Mouth bass and turned it on to get a blowjob.

Jordan 0:20:36 Take me to the river. Take me to the edge. Put me in the water.

William 0:20:44 Emily said, I was pregnant. This lasted about 2 years. I still haven't popped it out.

Jordan 0:20:50 Okay. Oh yeah, there's always rumours. Oh, I see.

William 0:20:52 You came up with the—

Jordan 0:20:52 There's always rumours someone was pregnant, weren't there?

William 0:20:55 Mike says, if your teacher was 15 minutes late, you were allowed to leave.

Jordan 0:20:58 Yeah, I remember that.

William 0:20:59 Well, yeah. I mean, when do you— as a class, how long do you sit there waiting for them? Presumably the whole lesson. Similarly, I do think one of the— when it's my turn to become Prime Minister, I would say that if you, in a restaurant, you ask for the bill and they then don't bring the bill, or you ask for the bill, they bring the bill, and they just don't bring the card machine over, if they haven't come and taken payment within 10 minutes, you can go and the meal's on the restaurant.

Jordan 0:21:22 15. I'd say 15.

William 0:21:23 Let's say 12.5.

Jordan 0:21:24 Okay, yeah.

William 0:21:26 You can be my Chancellor. Oh, I'm actually not getting you to be Chancellor of the Exchequer, given your maths.

Jordan 0:21:29 No. God, no.

William 0:21:30 Gen Z Izzy says, my friend had a rumour spread about her that she got a boiled egg as a snack in her Tesco meal deal. She never lived it down. What? Oh, that you got a boiled egg.

Speaker G 0:21:43 No, my friend. used to, like, she never did it, had a boiled egg in her meal deal, and everyone said that she did, and then she became the boiled egg girl, and it was really embarrassing.

Jordan 0:21:50 Banh R.

William 0:21:52 Gosh, well, it all went on in Clitheroe.

Ben 0:21:53 William wouldn't have stood a chance. You love a boiled egg.

William 0:21:57 I love a boiled egg.

Jordan 0:21:57 It's weird that you get them in meal deals, because they don't taste like eggs at all.

William 0:22:00 No. And Rachel said a kid apparently put a safety— oh! A safety pin through his scrotum.

Jordan 0:22:08 I heard that as well. Oh! So the one I heard was A girl took a test tube back from— she nicked it from science, and she was like fingering herself with it or something. And then her mum come in, she shut her legs, and it smashed in her fanny. She had to have an operation. But I got told that at 2 different schools. Have you heard that before, Jack? No.

Ben 0:22:32 Mine was a boiled egg.

Jordan 0:22:34 What, in a fanny? And it smashed in a fanny?

Ben 0:22:36 Not that it smashed, it just was It stuck.

Jordan 0:22:39 But I believed that, but I went to 2 high schools and I heard it in both.

Ben 0:22:43 That's not true.

Jordan 0:22:43 That's not true.

William 0:22:44 And of course, the Marilyn Manson classic rumour that he had his ribs removed.

Jordan 0:22:49 Yes!

William 0:22:49 So he could fellate himself.

Jordan 0:22:51 He could suck himself off. Was that not true? I remember that. Also the one that Keenan Kell died.

William 0:22:56 Yeah, still alive.

Jordan 0:22:57 In a car crash. Yeah.

Jordan 0:25:44 All right, Gene Divas, thanks for sticking with us. Normal service resumes. William Hanson, what responses have we got this week, please?

William 0:25:54 Well, Steve, Steve finally has an answer to the question that's been keeping me awake at night: why is in-flight entertainment still allowed 20 minutes after landing? Lots of cabin crew responded either to the video on socials. My lovely friend Tom also sent me a message. Literally, I had— the episode went out on Tuesday morning. I got out of bed at like 8, which is quite late for me.

Jordan 0:26:15 Oh, 11 these days for you.

William 0:26:17 I already had a message from Tom, and lots of people got in touch. So, thank you, everyone. Steve says, I have just been listening to your Tuesday episode where William asks about the in-flight entertainment screens running until 20 minutes after the flight has landed. I'm cabin crew for a UK airline, albeit without in-flight entertainment. However, I have some insight as to why. Firstly, most big airports have 15 to 20 minutes of taxi times now from runway to gate, and Istanbul can be 25 to 40 minutes, so it gives people time to finish their film while trundling around the airport. Secondly, some newer planes have cameras you can watch from the screens, so you can enjoy the thrilling experience of watching the nosewheel taxi. Finally, it's a lifesaver for families. Parents travelling with multiple children can wait until the end to disembark, and keeping the screens on gives them a few extra minutes of peace while everyone else gets off. Hope this solves the mystery. Love, Steve, one of your 11 straight male listeners. Well, thank you, Steve. Yay! And our only straight male aircrew. So, thank you. Yes, well, it does make sense, of course, because 20 minutes after landing, if you are at a big major airport, the, the— you can land, but then you've still got that long taxi. So I, I do see it makes sense.

Jordan 0:27:26 It's not worse than when you— he says, we're about— we've missed our slot, and you think— and he goes, uh, it could be 10 minutes, could be 15, could be 45, could be an hour. And you're like, this is— I know what it's like to be in purgatory now, because that's the worst. Yeah, take it off. I can still never figure out whether we get an hour back or we lose an hour.

William 0:27:47 Or indeed several, depending on where you're going.

Jordan 0:27:49 Yeah, even to Spain, I'm like, what time are we on now? It always blags me. It's like when clocks Let's go back. As we know, I'm not very good at maths.

William 0:27:57 But you were in a higher set than me, so we must not forget that. I was in a higher set than you. We've had a voice note. 6 sixes. Sorry?

Jordan 0:28:02 6 sixes.

William 0:28:03 18.

Jordan 0:28:06 36, you weirdo.

William 0:28:07 6 sixes. Oh, 6. Sorry, not 3 sixes. Sorry.

Jordan 0:28:11 Go on, give me one.

William 0:28:12 We— oh, hang on. Let's do, what is 9 times 9?

Jordan 0:28:19 49, innit? 52.

Ben 0:28:22 Oh my gosh.

Jordan 0:28:23 No, there's a way of doing 9. What? Oh wait. 3, 6, 9.

Ben 0:28:27 It's 81. Did you both do that on purpose?

William 0:28:30 I was just doing it to make him feel better. Now look, we've had a voice note from On The Face Ollie, Dr. Ollie, that one, weighing in on a dilemma from a couple of weeks ago where a listener thought their partner was doing a shart, only to discover something that looked suspiciously like man porridge come out of their anus.

Jordan 0:28:48 And he is an official doctor.

William 0:28:50 Dr. Ollie on the Face, Ollie is actually official doctor.

Ben 0:28:53 And he's been on your face.

William 0:28:54 He's— whose face has he not been on?

Ben 0:28:56 But he does Botox.

William 0:28:58 He does all sorts of things, yes.

Ben 0:29:00 But he's your mate.

William 0:29:01 He is the one that gives me the— yeah.

Jordan 0:29:03 But he's been with you that long and you've had that much work done, it's not even your original face now, is it?

William 0:29:08 No, it's not. No.

Jordan 0:29:08 Yeah.

William 0:29:09 In fact, actually, I have such a high metabolism now, generally my Botox doesn't really Yeah, you can tell. Here's Dr. Ollie's official verdict.

Speaker G 0:29:18 Hello, Dr. Ollie here, and I've just heard about this dilemma. While I am often known for putting pricks into people's foreheads, I'm also a colorectal doctor, so this question is very much up my street. And my instinct is that this is not actually man porridge, as it were. I believe that it sounds a bit more like mucus. And so often when people chart and a little bit of mucus or snot-like substance comes out, it's actually a sign of early internal haemorrhoids. Or indeed, if someone's just been prepping, sometimes after douching or preparing for anal sex—

Jordan 0:29:54 Ah!

Speaker G 0:29:54 The rectum produces some mucus. I would say that this is totally normal. And I would also expect that if it were somebody's ejaculate, that it would have meant that they had cheated literally within about an hour beforehand. And hopefully, that is not the case. Best of luck.

Jordan 0:30:11 See, that's great. So there's nothing for you to worry about.

William 0:30:14 So there's nothing—

Jordan 0:30:14 Yes! Make sure that gets out to him ASAP.

Ben 0:30:17 I know, we need to get that to him.

Jordan 0:30:18 Yeah, we need to get that to him. So it might not be— But I said, I said there'd be a reasonable explanation, didn't I? You believed. I did. You were like, oh my God, they're clearly cheating. Get rid of them. Call in the lawyers. There's always an explanation. There is.

William 0:30:32 Well, thank you, Ollie.

Jordan 0:30:33 Okay.

William 0:30:34 I appreciate it. We all appreciate it.

Jordan 0:30:35 So you can get bum snot, especially at this time of year. It's going round, innit? Everyone's got runny nose, runny arse, that kind of thing. Can you, Dr. Ollie, get in touch, put First Defence up your bum?

William 0:30:46 No. I mean, you can, but I don't think it'll do anything.

Jordan 0:30:49 Funny story. I seen Dr. Ollie in the gym yesterday. Yeah. And he offered me a lift on the back of his Vespa.

William 0:30:54 Yeah. Oh, yes, he has a Vespa.

Ben 0:30:56 I thought he was offering you a different kind of lift.

William 0:30:59 You say you normally go at the front, don't you? Liam has turned Jordan's peanut butter chat into a very hands-on experiment.

Jordan 0:31:04 Oh god, I've— Can I just say to the bisexuals, please stop bothering me. I get it.

William 0:31:10 You were the one who went on and on and on about it.

Jordan 0:31:13 I get it. I've changed your life. I've given you— You know, I've helped you realise now what bisexuality is. But just get off my back, bisexuals. Please. Get off my back. Yes, right.

William 0:31:31 Dear William Jordan and especially EPV, wink. Oh. I'm married and have always been the more experimental half of the relationship. My wife and I love peanut butter and always have a big jar of smooth PB in the cupboard. Unknown to her, I also enjoy crunchy peanut butter, although I never keep it at home. I know a few places with a great selection of the aforementioned topping, no pun intended.

Jordan 0:31:52 Right, what are we getting into here? Are they talking about peanut butter or are they talking about men?

William 0:31:57 I don't know. Okay. A couple of weeks ago, pegging came up on the show. We joked about it before, but never seriously discussed trying it. That was about to change when I launched Project Crunchy. See what you've started? My neighbours are away for 6 weeks, and I normally keep an eye out for their parcels. So I went on Amazon and for a respect— very respectable £13.99, ordered a strap-on dildo and put their name and address on the delivery.

Jordan 0:32:21 £13.99? I paid £40 for mine.

Ben 0:32:25 Surely that's not something you want to go cheap on? No. Surely not.

William 0:32:29 You don't want that. It was a glass test tube.

Jordan 0:32:31 You don't want that. You don't want that snapping, do you?

William 0:32:34 When I got the delivery notification, I went next door, ripped the packaging so the contents were visible, and brought it inside. It was a huge success. After initially looking very surprised, my wife and I started playing around with it and eventually gave it a proper test run. I have to say, although enjoyable, it's not quite the same as real crunchy peanut butter. Thanks for the advice, the brilliant show, and introducing some new ideas into my life. Yours, Liam. I have many questions.

Ben 0:32:58 I have so many questions.

Jordan 0:32:59 Is this the letter from the— Is this the guy from the relationship? 'Cause obviously the girl texted in saying she'd come back and found out that her husband had used Nextdoor's strap-on. So is this that guy? Do you remember?

William 0:33:11 But why would you— If you're gonna order a dildo, or indeed anything, and I don't care what you're ordering— Why do you feel the need to order it to Nextdoor?

Jordan 0:33:17 I think this is the same couple.

Ben 0:33:19 Don't get it. I don't get that.

Jordan 0:33:22 It could be the same couple. It's the same couple. The woman who got in touch a few weeks ago, whenever it was, said, my husband opened next door's parcel, it was a strap-on, and he said he was using it while she was away. It's the same couple. Gotta be.

William 0:33:33 Hmm.

Jordan 0:33:34 Surely.

Ben 0:33:35 We'll clear it, we'll get back into it.

Jordan 0:33:37 For context anyway, I didn't give much context. I said bisexual people is like peanut butter. I know what it's like to be bisexual now because—

William 0:33:45 Can we do a transcript check as to how many times you've gone on about this?

Jordan 0:33:49 Some days I wake up and and like peanut butter crunchy, and some days I want it smooth. And I reckon that's what it's like to be bisexual. Loads have got in touch, like inundated by the bisexual—

William 0:33:59 Inundated. We have been inundated by the bisexual community.

Jordan 0:34:02 Uh, right, should we finish with our comment of the week? This is gonna be a comment from Spotify, YouTube, or any of our socials.

William 0:34:08 The honourable mentions go to Gemma Thompson on YouTube who said, producing is lost on Ben. He should be in a court of law pulling out those receipts on Jordan from previous episodes, Your Honour.

Jordan 0:34:17 What was that about?

William 0:34:18 How many times you've talked about 4:20. Tracy Chalkley on YouTube—

Jordan 0:34:23 You don't know what 4:20 is, do you?

William 0:34:26 It's when you get up in the morning.

Jordan 0:34:28 No, it's also slang as well, I believe, isn't it?

Ben 0:34:30 Some, yeah. Oh, okay. Some sort of thing.

William 0:34:32 Tracy Chalkley on YouTube said, if they switch to dandelion and burdock, will they become D&B'ers?

Jordan 0:34:38 Yes, absolutely. If you are into— if you want to drink D&B.

William 0:34:42 D&B.

Ben 0:34:43 Well, we have for a long time looked for the non-alcoholic version of the G&D, so maybe it's just— When I go sober, that'll be it. Yeah, I think that's it. I'll be a DM Beaver.

William 0:34:52 A DM Beaver. Yeah, it'll be first time for everything. But our comment of the week goes to Robert on Spotify, who says, love that Rodrigo is getting a JVS-style shout-out on Sex Ed 2 and how Jordan didn't even notice. Clearly not a Buckethead. Robert is one of many who notices that. What did he say? Well, Jonathan, I don't really know why he does it, but Jonathan just does this thing where he just goes, isn't that right, Rodrigo? Because Rodrigo is our Zofia on, uh, yeah. And sometimes Rodrigo And Rodrigo on a bank holiday.

Jordan 0:35:19 Yeah.

William 0:35:19 Because Zofia was not in. Rodrigo covered. And so I— Is that a tech op?

Jordan 0:35:22 What's the official title?

Ben 0:35:24 Studio engineer.

Jordan 0:35:24 Studio engineer. Studio engineer.

William 0:35:26 Executive studio— Oh. Executive—

Jordan 0:35:30 Rodrigo's house. Every time we make— Every time I mention Rodrigo now, we hear that sound. And it's Rodrigo's sound.

William 0:35:54 Rodrigo's— anyway. Yes. So, I did a little reference joke, because we had to ask Rodrigo for Spanish, I think, for Spanish for ironing board.

Jordan 0:36:03 Oh, he's not Spanish.

William 0:36:04 No, he's from Peru.

Jordan 0:36:05 He's Uruguayan, innit?

William 0:36:06 He's from Peru.

Jordan 0:36:07 He's Persian. Parisian.

William 0:36:10 He's from Paris.

Ben 0:36:12 Peruvian.

Jordan 0:36:13 Peruvian.

William 0:36:14 He's like him and Paddington Bear, the 2 most famous Peruvians.

Jordan 0:36:18 Remember, you could— is Peruvian Spanish different to Spanish Spanish?

Ben 0:36:22 Yes.

Jordan 0:36:22 Is it?

William 0:36:23 In fact, it's an entirely separate country.

Jordan 0:36:25 Yeah, no, but is the language different?

Ben 0:36:27 Oh, it's different. Is it? The language differs between every one of the Hispanic countries.

Jordan 0:36:31 Really? So Latin Spanish is different from Spanish Spanish?

Ben 0:36:35 The Spanish in Latin America is different to Spanish Spanish. No.

Jordan 0:36:38 Is it actually?

Ben 0:36:39 Like English is different to the to the American English.

William 0:36:42 Oh my God, damn it.

Jordan 0:36:43 Yeah, but it's still the same. They still— can they understand each other?

Ben 0:36:46 They can absolutely understand each other. It's probably more different, I'd say, than between the US and the UK, but still, yeah.

William 0:36:52 Last week on my socials, I did a video saying it's Buckingham Palace, not Buckingham Ham Palace. I've seen this. And the Americans are—

Jordan 0:36:58 You've rage-baited.

William 0:36:59 Yeah.

Jordan 0:37:00 You've rage-baited, and you've got the comments and the likes, and you've took all the money to the bank. Remember, you can listen to new episodes of every Tuesday and Friday. Haven't gone to the bank yet. 24 hours before anywhere else on Global Player. If you wanna get in touch about something that isn't a dilemma or a problem, drop into our DMs or send us an email to help@sexandmyboss.com. We love hearing back from people we offer advice to. So if that's you, get back in touch and we'll see you on Tuesday. Goodbye.