Help We’re Getting Intimate | And William is Ainsley Harriott?!

Jordan 0:00:26 You do come across as someone that likes asparagus.

William 0:00:35 Well, I do like asparagus, so I think that's a good thing. How do people that like asparagus—

Jordan 0:00:41 I just, I don't know. You put 10 people in a row and tell you the ones that like asparagus and the ones that don't.

William 0:00:48 There we go. That's the next choice.

Jordan 0:00:52 That's a new feature idea. Oh, it's all happening. Are we ready, guys? Hello and welcome to Help I Sexed With My Boss, the podcast where we help you navigate the challenges of modern life, answering your 21st century questions and finding solutions to those everyday dilemmas. Like, what should you do when the verger at your school has made a career out of pulling his bell? Or, how do you explain a suspicious white stain on your school trousers? And of course, what should you do if you've accidentally sexted your boss? But we're not your usual agony aunts, are we, William Hanson, the UK's leading etiquette expert?

William 0:01:33 No, we're not, Jordan North, Capital Radio show host. I'm more Mary Poppins, you're more Pub Lock-ins. Oh. That's from David. I like that. That's a good one. Well done, David. Would you— now, I'd say, would you like a drink? Let's just talk about drink-related matters. You are currently drinking from a mug. Fine. Don't love mugs anyway. Particularly don't like that mug. It is an Ellis and John mug. Our sort of podcast rivals.

Jordan 0:02:01 Oh yeah, that's who they are. I thought it was like a local garage or something.

William 0:02:04 Yeah. They do sound like they work in a local garage.

Jordan 0:02:07 When you get your MOT done with them, you get a free mug. Well, I'm currently doing—

William 0:02:12 Don't want John going near your dipstick.

Jordan 0:02:13 I'm currently—

William 0:02:15 To be fair, I don't think John would want to go near anyone's dipstick, just for the record.

Jordan 0:02:18 I'm on the Lem-sip. It's that time of year. Oh. Because I had my nephews over for dinner at the weekend.

William 0:02:24 Oh my God, stay away from me.

Jordan 0:02:25 You're probably gonna carry something. Honestly, the little baby just looked at me. There's only one. Just looked at me, paused.

William 0:02:29 He's called Bradley.

Jordan 0:02:30 Paused and just went— I was like, all right, that's me gonna be ill next week. And lo and behold.

William 0:02:36 I'm gonna be ill now. You're a super spreader.

Jordan 0:02:40 So I've got a Lem-sip and an Elton John mug. Well, you should get some sexy mugs.

William 0:02:44 Infect the mug, don't clean it, and when they're in tomorrow, take them down.

Jordan 0:02:50 It's a bit sinister. Fucking hell.

William 0:02:52 What can I say? I'm a crime writer now.

Jordan 0:02:53 Oh yeah, get you!

William 0:02:55 Yeah, thanks very much. Thank you for resharing that video. That was very sweet of you.

Jordan 0:02:59 And commenting to get the— what's it called? The—

William 0:03:02 Engagement?

Jordan 0:03:03 Engagement going. Thank you. I commented. That's what I do now.

William 0:03:06 Yes, normally the engagement works when it's a comment from a bigger account, but I appreciated the— I'm joking. Yes, and I'm not sure if my publisher's going to allow riveting.

Jordan 0:03:18 Well, that's what I'm all gonna write.

William 0:03:19 Well, I think you might have to— We are looking for more than one word.

Jordan 0:03:22 Well, no, 'cause usually you write something, then they cut it down. So I'm just gonna put riveting.

William 0:03:25 Yeah, but on the back cover, we'll have more space.

Jordan 0:03:27 A Fatal Forking: Riveting.

William 0:03:30 You could work riveting into it if you put some other words in, yes.

Jordan 0:03:33 A Riveting Romp of a Read.

William 0:03:35 Oh please, it's not the Daily Mail.

Jordan 0:03:38 That sounds good. That sounds like a Jilly Cooper novel, doesn't it?

William 0:03:40 It does. It's not. There's no sex.

Jordan 0:03:42 There's no sex!

William 0:03:43 Plenty of innuendo, but there's no sex.

Jordan 0:03:45 No shagging in it?

William 0:03:46 No. There's allusions.

Jordan 0:03:49 Allusions? What is this, like the '60s?

William 0:03:53 What? I don't— my market haven't come to me for sex. Well, sex— He says on Help!, I sexted my boss.

Jordan 0:04:00 Sex sells.

William 0:04:02 Well, hopefully allusions sell as well. Alright, who are we to say? Right, we are going to do a toast to Julie via, or indeed from, her husband Spencer. Would you consider raising a toast on this week's podcast to my wife, Julie Carter, who was recently awarded an MBE in the King's Honours List? Ooh! Member of the Order of the British Empire. Julie received the honour for services to children's education and the performing arts after many years of helping young people build confidence, develop their talents, and access opportunities they might otherwise never have had. To say we're proud would be a spectacular understatement. This month, we're off to Windsor Castle for the investiture, which still feels slightly surreal. given William's standing in society. I felt this was exactly the sort of life update that deserved to cross your desk. Aw. More seriously, thank you to you both, along with Ben, Izzy, and the entire team, for making life genuinely better. Your banter, warmth, and ability to make people feel part of something special is a rare gift. You've been the soundtrack to countless walks, drives, and everyday moments, and brought a huge amount of joy to our lives. If Julius MBE receives a podcast toast, I can assure you it will immediately become her favourite honour. Well, that's the wrong way around. Much love, Spencer. Julie, please make this your second favourite honour.

Jordan 0:05:14 To Julie.

William 0:05:15 To Julie Carter, MBE.

Jordan 0:05:18 Put that all on her emails now.

William 0:05:20 No, no, I can't stand that.

Jordan 0:05:22 So you're saying it's not good etiquette to put your MBE, OBE, or knighthood on an email?

William 0:05:29 No. I mean, you could if it's relevant to what you are trying to achieve. fair enough, but by and large, it's not because it's, in effect, a social style. If, for example, if you're a dentist and you're applying for, I know, membership of the gym, the fact you're a dentist has got nothing to do with it, so you wouldn't put the fact that you're a dentist. But if you're obviously applying to speak at a dental conference, then it is relevant, then you put it. It's like your university degree, again, if you have one. Not relevant unless you're applying for something with an education or a job where your degree is potentially interesting. And it is normally the way, the higher the honour, the more relaxed you are about it. The sort of the lower ones, people get all terribly excited about.

Jordan 0:06:11 Yeah. I've met a sir once, and he went, no, just call me James.

William 0:06:14 Exactly.

Jordan 0:06:14 I can't remember his name. If it was James—

William 0:06:16 Dyson?

Jordan 0:06:17 No. Have you seen how much he's charging for toothbrushes?

William 0:06:20 Oh, and it like— doesn't it like pop out air at you or something?

Jordan 0:06:24 To be fair, like, in the '90s, he changed how we vacuum, because we were all on bags.

William 0:06:31 Yeah,

Jordan 0:06:31 right. No, honestly, he did, and I'll give him his— I'll give him his due for that. He changed— we got me grandma, remember Grandma Vish? We got her a Dyson and she couldn't get her head around the windmill bag, and it worked wonders watching a 70-year-old, 80-year-old woman with a Dyson. He changed how we hoover, and for that I'll give him his due. Then he brought in how we dry our hands.

William 0:06:53 Yeah, they're rubbish.

Jordan 0:06:54 Yeah, his hair dryers are pretty good as well. Bit spendy, but I'll give him that. And then he's brought in this toothbrush now, and I'm like, £400 for a toothbrush?

William 0:07:05 For a toothbrush?

Jordan 0:07:07 For a chuff brush.

William 0:07:08 You should do your floors as well at that price.

Jordan 0:07:10 No, so it's a toothbrush and flosser. And until I see an Oral-B advert where they say this is recommended by dentists, then I'll be, you know, and until they bring the price down.

William 0:07:19 Yeah, that is ridiculous.

Jordan 0:07:21 But yeah, for that, yeah.

William 0:07:24 Obviously, good dental hygiene is very, very important, but you can achieve it at a lower price point.

Jordan 0:07:29 Politically, me and James Dyson are at the different ends of the spectrum, I think it's fair to say. But you

William 0:07:33 know, I've got some views as well, but I won't go into it because we don't do politics.

Jordan 0:07:36 We don't do politics. But he did change how we vacuum in this country, and for that, I'll take the hat off to him. I'll be respectful. Good. How's your week been?

William 0:07:46 Yes, fine, thank you. Uh, it's been, uh, it's been lovely. Actually, something that went through my head that, um, I remembered from on my holiday to Chicago is I was sitting in in the hotel just having a drink, obviously. And, uh, I was somewhere— Mikey was sort of in the gym or something. And, uh, I— this, this person sitting on another sofa, I could see her looking at me, and I thought, okay, here we go. She came over, she went, hello, can I just say— I was like, okay, you know, tick-tock, whatever. Um, and she went, you look just like my cousin. And I said, oh, okay, great. She went, no, no, look, look, and get in time to picture. I don't wanna be rude, but she might as well have showed me a picture of Ainsley Harriott. I looked absolutely nothing like this person. And I just looked and went, it's uncanny. And then off she trotted. And I was like, do I look like that? I look nothing like that. I'm blonde, tall, Caucasian. This guy, totally different.

Jordan 0:08:48 Fair enough.

William 0:08:48 Totally different.

Jordan 0:08:50 Someone in my pub, I said, I'm really sorry you look like my brother, if I keep staring. And then I tried to show him a picture but couldn't find a picture of that Orion anywhere, so he must have thought I was lying.

William 0:08:59 Yeah. Um, how was your brother's visit?

Jordan 0:09:03 It was good.

William 0:09:03 Was it all of them?

Jordan 0:09:04 Yeah, it was good. Oh God, kids are a lot, aren't

William 0:09:07 they?

Jordan 0:09:08 Yep. 7 o'clock in the morning.

William 0:09:09 How many kids did you have?

Jordan 0:09:10 So there's 3 of them there altogether, um, all under 3. And then let me just play you this because this is what I had to put up with on Sunday morning. Why did I buy him this toy? Why? Why?

William 0:09:24 Wasn't the Dyson toothbrush, was it?

Jordan 0:09:27 Coughing. That's why I've got a cough. Can

Speaker D 0:09:31 I turn that off now?

William 0:09:32 What is it? Can I see it?

Jordan 0:09:33 Puppy.

William 0:09:34 Oh.

Jordan 0:09:38 7 o'clock on a Sunday morning. Why did I buy that? Why did I buy that?

Speaker E 0:09:41 I don't know. Is there a fur down?

Jordan 0:09:48 Okay. Oh no, that was all my weekend, but it was good.

William 0:09:50 Well, you've only got yourself to blame. Wait, did they have a nice time? What did you do with them?

Jordan 0:09:53 Uh, went to Hamleys.

William 0:09:54 Okay.

Jordan 0:09:56 Yeah, so I bought them some toys.

William 0:09:57 Is that where that came from?

Jordan 0:09:58 Uh,

William 0:09:59 what? No, no, the thing you've just shown me.

Jordan 0:10:01 Yeah, the dog. Went to Hamleys, uh, walked around Holland Park. I'll put a picture up if Brad can— okay, uh, Brad's in Holland Park with his top off.

William 0:10:10 Oh, hold on.

Jordan 0:10:12 I'm sure he blended right in. Explain to our listeners about Holland Park, because I've never been before. It's actually a very—

William 0:10:17 Well, it's a park in London. It's adjacent to Notting Hill. It's a very affluent suburban area. And Bradley fits right in.

Jordan 0:10:28 Yeah, so he had his top off because he got a bit hot and he gets sweaty. But yeah, it was good. It was really good. Had a barbecue.

William 0:10:34 Nice.

Jordan 0:10:35 Run out of gas? No, we didn't run out of gas. Oh, I still owe you money for that. Of course you do. Remind me. pay you for that. How much is

William 0:10:42 it? Um, don't just—

Jordan 0:10:43 85. Just give me a full— I want receipts.

William 0:10:47 85.

Jordan 0:10:47 I want receipts.

William 0:10:47 I didn't ask for a receipt because I didn't pay for it.

Jordan 0:10:49 How much? Because you give me a different price every time. Hmm.

William 0:10:52 Well, you should have remembered the first time.

Jordan 0:10:53 Just tell me how much I owe you.

William 0:10:55 I'm adding interest.

Jordan 0:10:55 Um, please. But yeah, it was good. I had a lovely weekend. It was really nice.

William 0:11:01 That's nice. That's lovely. I went to go— in fact, I thought of you because I went to, uh, my cousin's 30th birthday in Bristol. It was just a little family dinner and some games. We played Uno Teams.

Jordan 0:11:12 Oh, have

William 0:11:13 you played Uno Teams?

Jordan 0:11:14 I told you, just leave Uno as it is.

William 0:11:16 Well, I mean, look, we had great fun, but God, it dragged. It goes on and on and on, and nobody wins. And just as you think you're going to win, then something happens, and then you're back to square one because you've both got to get Uno in your team. Because I would play with you, for example, And then if I get to Uno, or if you get no cards and I've got 2 cards, I have to then give you 50% of my cards. And then we— oh, just— there were, I don't know, 6 teams.

Jordan 0:11:44 Have you ever played Boggle? That's pretty good.

William 0:11:46 Ooh, years ago. What, with the letters?

Jordan 0:11:49 No, not Boggle. Doddle, doodle. Dobble.

William 0:11:52 Dobble. Dobble, no.

Jordan 0:11:53 Where it's like you've gotta see the pictures. That's a quick game. That's always fun. Okay. So I'd stick to Dobble. But don't change Uno. We should also say this week as well, we've not mentioned it, but there's something different about me.

William 0:12:04 Yes, your moustache is gone.

Jordan 0:12:05 My moustache is gone.

William 0:12:07 RIP.

Jordan 0:12:07 So I was having some pictures taken, uh, for the Global building where Capital's based, and I thought these are going to be up around the building for years, years to come.

William 0:12:19 Well, subject to contracts.

Jordan 0:12:20 And well, yeah, true. And trust me, if that contract don't get renewed, they come down quickly. Yeah, yeah, uh, believe you me. But, um, I thought in a year's time or in 2 years' time, I'm gonna hate that moustache, 'cause it was just a summer thing. So I decided to shave it off.

William 0:12:37 Summer's over.

Jordan 0:12:38 So it's gone. So, 'tache—

William 0:12:40 How does it feel?

Jordan 0:12:40 It feels a bit naked, I'll tell you what.

William 0:12:42 You've still got— I mean, let's be honest, for those that are not watching, you still have a beard, and there is hair on your upper lip, just maybe not as much.

Jordan 0:12:49 Yeah, it's not a 'tache though. It's— I'll be honest, very split on the DMs and the comments. Not that I

William 0:12:57 read any of them.

Jordan 0:12:58 Not that you read them, no. No. Mainly the women who were saying— they were like, thank God he's gone, you look better.

William 0:13:05 You do, they're right.

Jordan 0:13:06 Uh, be honest, mainly, mainly the gays were saying grow it back.

William 0:13:11 Not all of them.

Jordan 0:13:12 But the majority. So, so yeah, it's split opinions.

William 0:13:16 Well, it's your face, so you get to decide what you do with it.

Jordan 0:13:20 Speaking of which, yes, uh, the curse of Jordan North has struck.

William 0:13:25 Speaking about yourself in the third person, always attractive.

Jordan 0:13:28 I'm gonna get in— I'm gonna get this in now. Yep. Before all the Gene Divas do. Mm-hmm. 'Cause they were giving me stick.

William 0:13:36 Well, it started already. I've seen it online.

Jordan 0:13:37 Have they actually? Yeah. Oh, for fuck's sake. Have they actually? They were giving me stick again. Oh, well, that's gonna be the last Toy Story 5 now, Joel's in it.

William 0:13:44 Well, to be fair, it will be the last Toy Story 5. It'll be both the first and the last Toy Story 5.

Jordan 0:13:49 You're so pedantic.

William 0:13:50 Sorry.

Jordan 0:13:51 It'll be the last Toy Story. But yeah, it's been announced as we're recording this that RuPaul's Drag Race has been cancelled by the BBC.

William 0:14:00 It's not been— well, I believe In your defence— Oh.

Jordan 0:14:03 I'm

William 0:14:05 going to defend you. It is not going to be shown anymore on the BBC. It will be going on to RuPaul's own sort of streaming service.

Jordan 0:14:14 Oh, okay.

William 0:14:15 So it's sort of— it will continue, just not on the BBC. And as you know, most things flourish when they leave the BBC, so it's fine.

Jordan 0:14:23 I shall not say a word to that.

William 0:14:27 Thank

Jordan 0:14:28 you.

William 0:14:29 So, yes. So, you haven't quite cancelled it, but maybe you were— you know, you didn't bring the ratings the BBC wanted. And so thus they've gone, yeah, we can let that go. I don't know, maybe. I don't

Jordan 0:14:41 know. Don't blame me for this! It's entirely your fault. Can I just say, this isn't The Curse of John Knopf, 'cause I was on it, and then there was another series.

William 0:14:48 There was.

Jordan 0:14:49 But—

William 0:14:50 and then it's gone.

Jordan 0:14:51 It's just another one of the many TV shows that once I've appeared on has been cancelled.

William 0:14:56 Yep, yep. Sorry that this weekend, you, as we have alluded to already, you can't come to my little soirée.

Jordan 0:15:06 Oh,

William 0:15:06 little drinks reception we're having for the team and a few other assorted guests, because you're at Doncaster Races pressing play on Mr. Brightside.

Jordan 0:15:14 No, I don't play Mr. Brightside.

William 0:15:17 Really?

Jordan 0:15:18 Yeah, I—

William 0:15:19 Okay, Doncaster Races, if you hear Mr. Brightside, please let me know.

Jordan 0:15:23 I'm better than that.

William 0:15:25 What do you play?

Jordan 0:15:25 If, if, if I feel like the crowd—

William 0:15:29 Kings of Leon?

Jordan 0:15:30 I feel like I do play Sex on Fire. Yes. I, I, if I feel like the crowd want Mr. Brightside, I will play. I'm not snobby, I'm not better than anything. If, if I feel like the crowd want it, I will play it. But I've got a few, got a few ideas.

William 0:15:43 What are we opening with?

Jordan 0:15:44 I always plan my first 3 tracks and my last 3.

William 0:15:47 How many tracks do you have to do?

Jordan 0:15:49 Well, I'm on for an hour and a half.

William 0:15:51 An hour and a half? Now, we should also say, for context, I know we should— I think we talked about this recently, but we'll just, for any new listeners, and we did it on our tour about a year and a half ago, our shared agent got in touch with me and said—

Jordan 0:16:03 Was it a year and a half ago?

William 0:16:03 I think so. And said, Doncaster Racers would like you, William, to do a DJ set. We sent my rates and a vague steer of what songs I would play, and one of them they screamed at, and the other one they said, no, thank you very much. And so they went in a different direction, and that direction was booking Jordan. And I never actually got the date from Donk. I just knew it was sometime next year at the time it was. And so I then arranged this soirée. It's really the only weekend I could have the soirée and that the caterers were free. And lo and behold, I sent out the invitations, and you can't come 'cause you're doing the gig that I could have done.

Jordan 0:16:40 Doing Donny Races, which I'm really looking forward to.

William 0:16:42 I can see it in your face.

Jordan 0:16:43 No, I am. I am. It'll be good. It'll

William 0:16:46 be lovely.

Jordan 0:16:46 What time

William 0:16:47 are

Jordan 0:16:47 you on? 5, I think it is. 30,000 people are there apparently.

William 0:16:52 30,000?

Jordan 0:16:53 I know. I mean, whether 30,000 stay to the end to, to watch my set.

William 0:16:59 You press play on Mr. Brightside.

Jordan 0:17:01 I don't press play, I mix and all sorts.

William 0:17:03 Do you?

Jordan 0:17:03 Yes. So it'll be good. I always get them up dancing.

William 0:17:06 Good.

Jordan 0:17:07 Yeah, I have to see the crowd though, because I think, right, this is how I do it. I'll let you know, I'll give you a little peek.

William 0:17:13 Oh, please tell me. I'm— yeah.

Jordan 0:17:15 So I have a look at the crowd, I think, right, what have we got here? Let's get that on. She's not— she's jiggling away, he's not moving. The bloke's usually the hardest to get going.

William 0:17:24 Not in my experience.

Jordan 0:17:26 We've got some girls here. Oh, there's some Gene Divas, right? I'll play out to them, they'll get raving. I think, right, have we got more mums in? More— this is what they need. Play a bit more of that and then I'll go a bit rogue. You're never too cool for ABBA. I remember that. And then, and then I was— after about 20, 30 minutes in, I'll find my rhythm. And I've got—

William 0:17:47 it takes you that long?

Jordan 0:17:48 Got him, got him in the palm of my hand, William. Oh, I honestly did a gig— I still say this— I did a gig at Haven Caravan Park, and it's the best gig I've ever done.

William 0:17:57 I remember you showing us clips.

Jordan 0:17:59 I felt like Beyoncé when I came off stage. I had to be escorted out by security, and I was like, this is what it's like to be Rihanna.

William 0:18:05 You were Beyoncé a minute ago.

Jordan 0:18:08 So Yeah, I'm looking forward to it.

William 0:18:09 Lovely. Well, that's the last ever Doncaster Races this year on the 12th of September.

Jordan 0:18:13 In other news,

William 0:18:15 yes,

Jordan 0:18:15 after 12 years of doing this podcast with you—

William 0:18:18 It's not 12 years.

Jordan 0:18:18 It's so easy, you know, it's so easy to wind up. What is it, 6? How many years is it now?

William 0:18:24 8.

Jordan 0:18:25 8 years. You, you do have a lasting effect on me.

William 0:18:29 Do I?

Jordan 0:18:30 Because I'm really into at the moment, I love having a little sit-down wee. And I've been treating myself to one a day.

William 0:18:39 Should stop doing it on the tube though.

Jordan 0:18:40 Right, and it's creeping into 2 a day. And any lads listening now, what are you fucking on about? Just now and then,

William 0:18:49 yeah,

Jordan 0:18:50 treat yourself to a sit-down wee. It's a right little, little treat.

William 0:18:54 Just have a moment to yourself.

Jordan 0:18:55 It just— you're not rushing, you sit down. And can I just say, without being too— I hope this isn't too Crude. I feel like you fully empty your bladder.

William 0:19:03 I do believe it is actually better for you.

Jordan 0:19:06 Is it actually?

William 0:19:07 Yeah, I think so. I'll ask Ollie.

Jordan 0:19:08 But you, you, you're a sit-down wee-er, aren't you?

William 0:19:11 Always, yeah.

Jordan 0:19:12 And I just, I can imagine Ben being a bit of a sit-down wee-er. He's not here today, by the way.

William 0:19:16 No, he's in the cubicle.

Jordan 0:19:18 Yeah, it's—

William 0:19:19 Sitting down.

Jordan 0:19:20 Is he your sit-down wee-er?

William 0:19:22 Well, she's a woman.

Jordan 0:19:23 Yeah. Stuart? No, no, just honestly, if you're listening now, I don't care if you're the biggest, hardest, Hairy-est, oldest trucker. Just when you need to go to the toilet, sit down, have a wee.

William 0:19:37 I've said it before, but—

Jordan 0:19:38 Don't think of me.

William 0:19:39 Lavatory cubicles, particularly ones that are completely enclosed, not ones where there's a gap under the door or above the door. American ones I hate, because they're so—

Jordan 0:19:46 God, you might as well not have a door with American ones.

William 0:19:50 Yeah, exactly. There's a—

Jordan 0:19:51 Comes up to your friggin'—

William 0:19:52 The size of a postage stamp that goes in front of you.

Jordan 0:19:54 You still see your cock sometimes when you walk. They come up to there.

William 0:19:57 You'll be

Jordan 0:19:58 fine. Put it this way, a small person could easily just walk under the American doors, couldn't they? Yes. Yeah. Won't have to duck.

William 0:20:08 But proper cubicles where you are literally enclosed, particularly if they're sort of quite sort of nicely lit and moody lighting, generally I think— I mean, therapists write in, I just feel so safe. And especially if they're clean. If they're not clean, I don't. But you just feel like no one can get to me. It's just lovely. No one knows what I'm doing. I'm just— I can just stand. Sometimes I just go and stand. I don't even go to the loo. I see.

Jordan 0:20:28 As a claustrophobic, I don't like the ones ones that are fully enclosed.

William 0:20:31 No, I love them.

Jordan 0:20:33 Yeah, but I have had a nap before now in a nice cubicle toilet.

William 0:20:36 It has to be a very, very— it would have to be freshly cleaned.

Jordan 0:20:40 It was, trust me, it was a place we know pretty well.

William 0:20:43 Yeah.

Jordan 0:20:43 And I had a— I just thought, I'm gonna lie down here. I put my bag on the floor.

William 0:20:46 Oh no.

Jordan 0:20:47 Have I told you this?

William 0:20:48 Yes, you have told me this.

Jordan 0:20:49 I put my bag on the floor and I thought, I'm just gonna have 20 minutes. I was absolutely knackered. But yeah, that's me. I'm a sit-down kind of— not all the time. But I've just been treating myself to a little post-show at 10 o'clock when I finished. I thought, I'm just gonna go and have a nice little sit-down wave for 5 minutes.

William 0:21:03 Lovely. Yeah, debrief.

Jordan 0:21:05 Yeah, it's—

William 0:21:06 Um, actually, at the time of recording yesterday, the new iPhones were announced, and I noticed that the colours you can now get are a claret and a light blue.

Jordan 0:21:14 Does it say claret?

William 0:21:16 It's more or less claret. I don't know if it says claret, but I thought, oh, that's— they've basically released the Burnley phone.

Jordan 0:21:22 They've sort of— basically, it's the West Ham, Burnley, Scunthorpe, and Aston Villa colours. Yes. Claret and blue. Oh, I'll be beyond that. And of course you will, because I don't know if you know this, Gene Davis, but William Hanson is a bit of an Apple geek.

William 0:21:33 Yeah, Apple could basically bring out a box full of air, and I'd probably go, I must have that. It's not actually— it's not strictly true, because they have brought out that stupid VR headset, and I'm not getting— I'm not getting the foldable phone. I'm going to say it now.

Jordan 0:21:47 I can imagine.

William 0:21:48 Who wants a foldable phone?

Jordan 0:21:49 Well, a lot of people on Samsung have them, and they are pretty good.

William 0:21:52 But why do you need your phone to fold? I just want a phone with a battery life that lasts 2 days would be nice, like they used to. That's all I want.

Jordan 0:21:59 Did they used to last 2 days?

William 0:22:00 Oh, not the iPhones or smartphones, but you know, back in your Nokia 3210.

Jordan 0:22:04 Oh, they'd last like 3, 4.

William 0:22:05 They'd last forever.

Jordan 0:22:06 Just charge 'em at night.

William 0:22:07 My LG Beauty lasted loads of times. To be fair, that folded, but that was slightly different.

Jordan 0:22:11 Did you ever have a BlackBerry?

William 0:22:13 Yes.

Jordan 0:22:14 Yeah, BBM.

William 0:22:15 Yeah, I BBM'd most of my friends. Did you?

Jordan 0:22:17 Mm. She's got a BlackBerry.

William 0:22:18 Spent most of my time at school BBMing them.

Jordan 0:22:20 Did you? Mm. Oh, okay.

William 0:22:22 Yeah, it was great. And that physical keyboard, which looks ridiculously small, but somehow you were able to type on it.

Jordan 0:22:28 I miss the BlackBerry.

William 0:22:29 With the red light

Jordan 0:22:31 flashing. Yeah, so you— I just bet— when is that coming out, in September?

William 0:22:35 No, next week.

Jordan 0:22:36 Oh, is it?

William 0:22:37 This week, actually, time of release.

Jordan 0:22:38 I can imagine you'll have one of them.

William 0:22:40 I'm yet to actually put in my order.

Jordan 0:22:42 You just get the new one all the time.

William 0:22:44 No, I don't. No, actually, I don't, thank you. I've got quite a big work thing coming up, which I'm very nervous about already, but you can imagine is a career high. I think you already know about this.

Jordan 0:22:56 Are you asking for time off or something?

William 0:22:57 No, no, no, it's not time off. It's on a Sunday. So it's just an evening thing. But no pressure, William Hanson. In October at the Wimbledon Book Festival, I'm interviewing Julian Clary.

Jordan 0:23:06 Oh! Now this is big for you, 'cause he's a big idol of yours, isn't he?

William 0:23:11 Yes. I mean, one's not meant to have idols, if you read your Bible. But yes, you always do.

Jordan 0:23:18 God, not meant— you're not meant to have idols?

William 0:23:20 No.

Jordan 0:23:20 Oh, okay.

William 0:23:21 Other than God.

Jordan 0:23:22 So are you quite nervous about this?

William 0:23:24 Not yet, but I will be.

Jordan 0:23:25 Have you met him before?

William 0:23:26 Yes, I have met him before, actually. Yes, but not for a while, and my life was very different when I met him. But I'm gonna go and interview him at the Wimbledon Book Festival. It's sold out, so sorry, you can't get any tickets, but you might already have some. You never know.

Jordan 0:23:42 Yeah, this is the equivalent of me interviewing

William 0:23:45 Peter Kay.

Jordan 0:23:46 Done that.

William 0:23:47 Well, there we go.

Jordan 0:23:48 Give me another example.

William 0:23:49 Well, I'd say Carolina Hearn, but that's not happening.

Jordan 0:23:54 No. Robert De Niro, done that.

William 0:23:55 Done that. So. Shaun Deitch, done that.

Jordan 0:23:59 Yeah. I said, I tell you, I bumped into him on a roundabout.

William 0:24:02 You did? Near here, wasn't it?

Jordan 0:24:04 Yeah. Actually, as I was leaving here. Yeah.

William 0:24:06 Yeah, so quite nervous.

Jordan 0:24:09 What's your first question gonna be?

William 0:24:10 Oh, I don't know, 'cause I'm reading his— he's got a new book out, which is why he's appearing at the Wimbledon Book Festival. It'll be out in a few weeks. The Mid-Morning Murders. And, uh, yeah, I'm sort of halfway through reading it. It's very funny.

Jordan 0:24:23 Oh, okay.

William 0:24:24 I'm enjoying it.

Jordan 0:24:25 Right. Well, it's gonna be a very butch fest, this, isn't it? You and Julian Clary.

William 0:24:30 Yes. Yeah. It's basically like watching the hairy bikers.

Jordan 0:24:33 Yeah. The testosterone will be oozing off stage. Yes. Yes. All right. Well, look, just all I'll say is— Yeah. And I'll say this to everyone, and I'll say it to you, okay? When you interview him, I know he's your idol, just don't be yourself. And you'll be fine.

William 0:24:51 I'll be you.

Jordan 0:24:55 Do you want Jordan's Jolly Joke of the Week?

William 0:24:57 Yes, go on.

Jordan 0:24:58 All right then, here we go. Cue the jingle.

Speaker F 0:25:01 If you like a chap who's cheeky and northern, you're in for a treat with our Jordan. And if a giggle is what you seek, you're sure to love Jordan's Jolly Joke of the Week. Hey, to be fair,

Jordan 0:25:16 I've had loads sent in recently from our wonderful G&D-ers.

William 0:25:21 Fantastic.

Jordan 0:25:22 So yeah, do you ever get them giving you ideas for your etymology?

William 0:25:26 Sometimes, yes.

Jordan 0:25:27 Um, I don't know if I've done this one.

William 0:25:30 I'll tell you.

Jordan 0:25:31 My grief counsellor died last week. I'll tell you the punchline after the break.

William 0:27:22 I actually can't remember if you have done that one. It

Jordan 0:27:24 was fun. Let me find another, 'cause I've had loads, and it's only fair we give them what they want. This one's from Howell. Says, did you hear about the police superintendent that got fired for smoking cannabis and masturbating? He was a high-wanking officer.

William 0:27:43 Well done, Howell.

Jordan 0:27:47 And one more. Okay. This was from Dad's Jokes on Instagram. A cannibal once took my sister to see a Russell Crowe movie. Gladiator. Said, no, I really miss her. There we go, there we go.

William 0:28:01 Nice, well done.

Jordan 0:28:01 I'm pretty sure we might have done the first one.

William 0:28:04 Well, I haven't heard, if we have, I haven't heard the other 2, so.

Jordan 0:28:06 Before, there you go. Thank you for sending it in. Right then, now it's time for your questions and dilemmas. Remember, if you need our help with something, then get in touch. You can send your tales of trepidation to help@sexwithmyboss.com, or you can DM us. We're @sexwithmyboss on the socials.

William 0:28:21 This first one is from Anonymous. Dear Dilemma Daddies, I have been married to my husband for 4 years and have been together for 8. Initially, when we met, we led a very active sex life with both parties instigating intimacy. Now we live in an intimacy-free marriage with contact only ever being instigated by me and not mutually returned. Whilst on my husband's phone looking at our joint bank account, an app I don't have access to and not snooping before this gets mentioned, I noticed he had X, Twitter, open with his feed filled with pornographic content. To be honest, I was curious and had a look and viewed his search history with quite a few kinks we've never discussed. None I wouldn't say no to, so no kink-shaming here. What I find hurtful though is the fact he's not interested in intimacy with me unless I pursue it, but is happy to watch porn frequently, including when I'm in the house in another room. The porn doesn't bother me, we're all human, but it's a lack of understanding how his disconnect is hurting me. For context, I've always had a higher sex drive than him, but we have discussed this before and have said many, many times that intimacy doesn't mean sex. Your advice, or even telling me to get a grip, is welcome. Well, I'm not, I'm not going to tell you to get rid of him.

Jordan 0:29:27 I don't think you should get rid of him.

William 0:29:28 I think you've got a point.

Jordan 0:29:28 Yeah, I do as well. If you've not had sex for a while yet, he's going on porn on his phone a lot.

William 0:29:33 Especially when you are in the house.

Jordan 0:29:35 Maybe it's worth mentioning, isn't it?

William 0:29:37 Yeah. I think you need to talk and say, right, fine if I'm not there, but when I'm in the house, if you're feeling a little bit frisky, you come and knock on my door.

Jordan 0:29:45 Jump on!

William 0:29:47 Climb on! Or whichever, yes.

Jordan 0:29:48 Yeah, no, I don't think you're in the wrong there. I think… That you should maybe address this. Definitely.

William 0:29:55 Talk to him.

Jordan 0:29:56 And say, look, you know, we haven't had sex for ages yet. You're going on porn all the time. What's going on there?

William 0:30:02 And if you've discovered— and I don't know what his kink is. Let's just call it Kink 1 rather than coming up with one. You've discovered that he's into Kink 1 via Twitter. I probably wouldn't admit to him that you've done that. But why don't you talk to him and go, actually, because I was thinking that I'd quite like to try Ba-dum-ba-kink one. And then when he might think, oh gosh, wow, yes, this is amazing. I like that too. You might find that you have a lovely time. And things—

Jordan 0:30:29 Could rejuvenate your sex life. Yes,

William 0:30:31 exactly.

Jordan 0:30:31 Yes. But no, I don't think you're in the wrong there. Obviously everyone, like, has a look, don't they? But yeah, if he's on a lot and you've not had any sex, there's possibly an issue there.

William 0:30:41 And you are right. Intimacy does not always need to be sex. It can just be a cuddle on the sofa.

Jordan 0:30:45 Is that intimacy?

William 0:30:47 What, a cuddle on the sofa?

Jordan 0:30:48 Yeah. Yes. Would you class that as intimate?

William 0:30:51 Pretty intimate. Well, if I came and had a cuddle with you on your sofa and stuck my head into your nape of your neck, that's pretty intimate, darling.

Jordan 0:30:58 But I thought intimate comes from the term like into 'em. So you're like in them. Is that not what it means? Like you're in them, you're intimate. No. Like when you kiss 'em, you put your tongue in, aren't you intimate?

William 0:31:10 No, I might just do William's Etymology of the Week next week, and we'll look at the word intimate.

Jordan 0:31:14 So is holding hands with someone on a bus intimate? Yes.

William 0:31:17 It's not, it's not, you know.

Jordan 0:31:18 Have a day off.

William 0:31:19 It is an intimate act. Even a hug, just hugging your friend is some form of intimacy, which is why we don't do it with strangers.

Jordan 0:31:29 I mean, I see the word intimate for me, I don't think like— if you like to do a quickie bent over at kitchen side, that's not intimate, is it? That's just doing a deed, innit? Do you know what I mean? You know—

William 0:31:41 Well, once this record's over, we'll have a go and you can tell me if it's intimate.

Jordan 0:31:44 Sometimes you're like— Got another 20 minutes before they get here. That's not intimate, is it?

William 0:31:50 I thought you were late answering that door at the barbecue. Ben had a smile on his face when we arrived.

Jordan 0:31:57 He did. He was the first to come to the door, to the party.

William 0:32:04 Yeah, which is unusual for him.

Jordan 0:32:06 Yeah.

William 0:32:07 No, anonymous, talk. Talk to your housemate. You are not in the wrong. Yeah, you are not in the wrong. But just talk and be honest about your feelings. Dear William Jordan et al., please, please help me expunge my mind from an incident which occurred a few weeks ago, and which, despite my best efforts, continues to haunt me. My wife and I had been out for a pleasant Sunday walk and decided to stop at a rather lovely lakeside café for coffee and cake. It is a popular establishment, tastefully decorated, with a very good menu, and on this particular Sunday morning, populated by the usual assortment of well-heeled café-goers enjoying their weekend rituals. We settled in with our coffee and cake, and all was right with the world. That was until a reasonably well-dressed foursome— 2 men and 2 women— was seated at a table immediately behind my wife. Fortunately, she couldn't see them. Unfortunately, I could. Having placed their order, they settled down to wait for the food. Then, without warning, one of the women reached into her handbag, produced a dental floss stick, and proceeded to floss her teeth. At the table? In the café. In public. In full view of other diners. I was Quite frankly, flabbergasted. I found myself experiencing a peculiar mixture of disbelief, horror, and the overwhelming desire to look away while simultaneously being unable to look away. I was so stunned by the sheer audacity of it that I remained silent. But the image has somehow lodged itself permanently in my mind. I simply cannot forget it. Sir William, I need your ruling. What precisely is the etiquette regarding flossing one's teeth in public? Was I right to become horrified? Is this an unforgivable breach of café etiquette, or have I become hopelessly old-fashioned? And most importantly, should I have said something? If so, what on earth does one say in such circumstances? I feel I need closure on this matter, if only so that I can once again enjoy a slice of cake beside a lake without the spectre of interdental cleaning hanging over me. Incidentally, I absolutely love the show. I've been a fan since your collaboration with the Red-Handed Team, and it has become the highlight of my week. I suspect you may be the one person qualified to help me recover from this traumatic encounter.

Jordan 0:34:01 Christ, what's going on there?

William 0:34:02 Yours in desperate need of an etiquette-ruling Terry. Well, Terry, that's lovely, but the page and a half that took to say, can you floss your teeth in public? Was lovely.

Jordan 0:34:13 Terry—

William 0:34:13 Get the Pulitzer at this rate.

Jordan 0:34:14 I see, I find flossing your teeth quite an intimate act.

William 0:34:17 No, Jordan, that is not intimate.

Jordan 0:34:19 I think we need to start getting— Doing your teeth is quite an intimate— I'm big into flossing at the moment, 'cause I got really told off by my dentist. So I'm flossing, trying to floss every night at the moment. Every other night, if I'm good. But no, I wouldn't do that in public. That's disgusting. That is disgusting. Oh, you— am I right there? It's not right to floss your teeth.

William 0:34:37 It's not right to floss your teeth.

Jordan 0:34:38 I just feel like sometimes—

William 0:34:40 In public.

Jordan 0:34:40 The collapse of society is upon us.

William 0:34:43 I've been saying it for years.

Jordan 0:34:44 If people are going into nice little weekend cafes where they're serving little cakes and coffee, and you're going in and people are flossing their teeth at the table, we need to have a word with ourselves as a nation, I think.

William 0:34:55 But Terry, no, you can't say anything.

Jordan 0:34:57 Can you not?

William 0:34:58 Not— especially not to a stranger. Like, if you and I were out for a coffee and a cake—

Jordan 0:35:01 But she's cutting you off your food.

William 0:35:02 Well, then move.

Jordan 0:35:03 Or could you say something to a member of staff and just be like—

William 0:35:06 Give them a— give them a look.

Jordan 0:35:07 Yeah, a look. Tut. Oh, oh, that's a good tut. Thank you. Show— teach me that. That's a great— that's a tut that won't get—

William 0:35:16 I will, but it's quite intimate.

Jordan 0:35:17 That's a tut that won't get you punched, that, because mine's more of a—

William 0:35:22 Well, you do an eye roll as well with it. Your eyebrows go up, mine can't.

Jordan 0:35:25 Do it. You've just got a bit of a— it's got a bit of a base on the end of yours, hasn't it? Do it again.

William 0:35:34 Thank you. Yeah, yours is quite high. Yours is a higher pitch.

Jordan 0:35:40 Yeah, you've just got an extra second on me. Go on. I'll work on that. That's a very good passive-aggressive tuck.

William 0:35:50 If people are listening, it does— if we do that quickly, it does sound like we're kissing.

Jordan 0:35:57 Sorry. Um, but yeah, I, I would try to ignore it. Give him a stare. Uh, if he's really putting you off, maybe say, please, I'm so sorry. I always think in situations like this, being really overtly nice— yeah, I'm so sorry, okay to not do that? I just got a weird thing about teeth and I'm trying to enjoy cake with my wife.

William 0:36:14 I don't think you need to apologise for it.

Jordan 0:36:16 Maybe the staff just say, he's flossing the bloody teeth. Those people would be picking their ass at the table. What a world we live in.

William 0:36:23 But yeah, no, just don't do it in public, and you can't say anything to them is the summary there. This is from Nathan. Dear William, Jordan, EPB, and the rest of the legendary Help I Sexed My Boss team, I feel like you and Jordan are going to have 2 very different approaches to my question, and I can already imagine I'm stealing bits from both of your advice. For the first time, I'm going to be the best man for one of my best friends. The wedding is currently about 4 months away. Now, I'd like to say I'm a confident public speaker, but that's when I know what I'm saying. I currently feel like I have an inordinate amount of responsibility when it comes to writing and delivering the best man's speech. This is where I'm turning to my Dilemma Daddies for some advice. What makes a good best man's speech? What should I include? What shouldn't I include? How long should it be? Is there a structure or flow I should follow? Please help. Thank you for everything you do to brighten up my week. It really is the highlight of my Tuesday and Friday morning commutes to work. Thanks, Nathan.

Jordan 0:37:15 Write, rehearse, write, rehearse, write, rehearse. That's what I'd do. That's— yeah, that's the best way to do it. I— the last time I did a wedding speech, I weren't best man, but our Lee's wedding, I was master of ceremonies. I did it off an iPad.

William 0:37:27 Classy.

Jordan 0:37:29 Do you think? No. I— no, do you? I always look back and think in the pictures, no, like, all right, twat. So probably wouldn't—

William 0:37:36 You look like you're launching the new iPhone.

Jordan 0:37:37 Yeah, I did. I looked like I was giving a PowerPoint presentation. So I'd maybe write it down. I, I'd personally type it out instead of writing because then you can change it. And it's easier. Yes. Type it out and just rehearse, and you can always print it off, I think, piece of paper. We're back on paper at the moment.

William 0:37:52 We are. Sorry, Greta.

Jordan 0:37:54 I think— oh, she's all right. Um, it's big Jane Davey, you know.

William 0:37:58 Is she?

Jordan 0:37:58 Yeah, I, I think— oh, she loves us. I think write it out on a piece of paper, and it looks fine with paper, and just rehearse it. And even though you've got it there, because you want to be confident with it. And you know what, do you know what I'll say to you when it comes to speeches? YouTube old videos of Barack Obama, 'cause no one does a speech like him.

William 0:38:17 A different style of speaking, because he was leader of the free world. You're just doing a speech, you know.

Jordan 0:38:24 He were good as well, other fella. Martin Luther King.

William 0:38:27 Yes.

Jordan 0:38:28 Don't start with, I had a dream. That might be a bit strong. But like, read it, get familiar with it so you know what bits are, and just remember when you're reading to look up. Glance. That's my advice.

William 0:38:38 Look up? Look upwards?

Jordan 0:38:40 Look up, look out your thing and go… Now it's time for your questions and dilemmas.

William 0:38:44 I mean, you've never done that.

Jordan 0:38:46 Remember, if you need our help with something, and just remember to make eye contact.

William 0:38:50 In terms of how long it should be, the shorter the better is my advice. Too many speeches go— don't feel that you have to do the most hilarious 20 minutes. I think, no. So, for the few people that spoke at our wedding, we told them half the time that we knew they were actually going to do, because if you say to people, I want a 10-minute speech, they would inevitably do 15 to 20 minutes.

Jordan 0:39:11 Yeah, don't— there's no—

William 0:39:11 If you say 5 minutes, they'll do 10.

Jordan 0:39:13 I actually agree with William here. There's nothing worse than long speeches at weddings. And honestly, there's no— people zone out. Short and snappy.

William 0:39:23 And if you're not funny, if you can't do jokes, don't feel the need to do jokes.

Jordan 0:39:26 Yes, I, I—

William 0:39:27 Just do a heartfelt speech.

Jordan 0:39:29 Who's this? Nathan. Nathan, you said we disagree here. We actually agree. I couldn't agree more. You don't have to be funny, just be nice. keep it simple, maybe one funny story.

William 0:39:38 Yeah,

Jordan 0:39:38 don't try and be funny. And the worst thing is don't like nick jokes online from other speeches because they'll know it's not you.

William 0:39:44 Yeah.

Jordan 0:39:45 So yeah, I've been to somewhere they're awful, I've been somewhere they're like fine, the best man wasn't very confident but it was lovely. Go down that route. Shout out to actually, um, Danny, uh, Danny Milo at Jordan and Sally's wedding. Very funny best man speech. short and sweet and had a couple of videos to show that were very funny.

William 0:40:04 Of course there was production.

Jordan 0:40:06 Yeah, it works on radio.

William 0:40:07 Yeah, I know. Yeah.

Jordan 0:40:08 That was a really good—

William 0:40:09 Good. Yeah, exactly.

Jordan 0:40:10 And we all remembered it. Good best man speech.

William 0:40:12 Yeah.

Jordan 0:40:12 So yeah.

William 0:40:13 Uh, good break a leg. This is from Phoebe. Dear William Jordan and the Sex Ed team, shout out to my fellow Gen Z Izzy. Thank you.

Jordan 0:40:21 Diva! She's, she's the epitome of a mean girl because you don't know from Mean Girls 'Cause you don't know what— she keeps you on your toes 'cause some days you'll walk in, right? And you'll feel like a million dollars and she's like, oh my God, you look great. Walked in today, she's like, not keen on the shoes, where's the moustache? She just likes to keep you, keep you on your toes, does Jenny. What did you say about my shoes?

Speaker E 0:40:45 They're okay, they're '70s.

William 0:40:48 They're very '70s.

Jordan 0:40:49 And they're giving me the ick 'cause they're too tight and they look too small, don't they? Yeah.

William 0:40:54 Well, you do have quite small feet.

Jordan 0:40:55 I'm an 8.5, but you can never find any 8.5s. So 8s are too small and 9s are too big. It's a struggle. Any other 8.5 Gene Divas, get in touch. Joe, Joe, get that up this week. If you've got any other 8.5 feet people, they'll know what I mean.

William 0:41:12 8.5 feet people.

Jordan 0:41:14 Because they don't— you can't— you never— sometimes you can—

William 0:41:16 Sound depths after 8.5 years. That's where we're at.

Jordan 0:41:19 So anybody else that's a size 8.5 shoe or a half, anyone that's a half, you, you're either too big or too small. I'm gonna take these off 'cause they're actually killing me.

William 0:41:28 Oh, don't!

Jordan 0:41:28 Why?

William 0:41:29 Oh, stop it. You just want to populate your WikiFeet, don't you?

Jordan 0:41:32 Oh God, no. Absolutely not. Just don't want—

William 0:41:35 Anyway, Phoebe continues after shouting out to Gen Z Izzy. My boyfriend and I have been together for around 8 months, continuing a theme. So far, it's all been going swimmingly. No major arguments or disagreements, and I could really see us building a future together. However, a recent discovery has made me rethink my opinion of him. My boyfriend stays at my house quite regularly, as I've recently purchased my own home, whereas he is currently living with parents. To combat this, the occasional I have forgotten to bring underwear dilemma, we've purchased a set that he can just leave at mine. However, this morning I discovered that despite having a drawer full of clean and perfectly white socks, my boyfriend instead opted to rewear yesterday's dirty socks. When I questioned him on why he was rewearing old socks instead of getting new ones, I discovered that he regularly wears socks for multiple days in a row and doesn't see anything wrong with doing this. I, on the other hand, am very much of the opinion that socks should be changed daily. If not more regularly, if they get particularly dirty or sweaty for any reason midway through the day. Who is in the wrong here? Is it acceptable for socks to be worn for several days, or should they be changed daily? Kind regards,

Jordan 0:42:34 Phoebe. Phoebe, you can change this about him, trust me. This isn't a big issue.

William 0:42:39 I don't think she will be able to.

Jordan 0:42:42 No, you can get into him about this. Speak to any lads, and when they go, oh, when I first got with my girlfriend, and they'll change her. Yeah, he probably— He probably shouldn't be wearing socks.

William 0:42:52 No, no, no, he not probably shouldn't be, he shouldn't be. Let

Jordan 0:42:56 me finish. It's not the social norm. So you tell him that and speak to other people and get other people to get in his—

William 0:43:00 It's disgusting.

Jordan 0:43:01 To, to, to show him that it's not right to wear socks 2, 3 days in a row. However, there is an exception. I've done this before. I've done it before. The only time is when you forget it and you go away for like a weekend, try and go and buy some. Sometimes I've put socks on I've worn them for like an hour a day. I've gone to the shop or something, and I'll be honest, I've took them off and thought, I'll just wear them tomorrow, if I've worn them for like an hour, 2 max. You know when you got out of the shower and you put socks on around the house just for an hour? I've done that before. No. A few times. I thought, well, I'm not putting a fresh pair on.

William 0:43:36 They're on once, they're off once, they never go back on.

Jordan 0:43:38 I think I might have done it with boxers, but then I probably slept in the boxers, so I won't have done.

William 0:43:43 You know my thoughts on sleeping in boxers.

Jordan 0:43:46 No, no, but I'm just saying to you, I always change. I'm very hygienic. But I think I have a few times only wore socks for an hour and thought, I'll put them on tomorrow. As long as they're not dirty on bottom. That's my opinion. But yeah, you need to speak to him and say, this is not a social norm. Change your socks.

William 0:44:04 Change your socks or change me. That's what I'd say.

Jordan 0:44:08 There you go. Do you sweat from your feet? You do, don't you?

William 0:44:10 Yes, of course you do.

Jordan 0:44:10 Yeah, your feet stink.

William 0:44:11 Yes. This is from anonymous. It's our final dilemma. Hello, William and Jordan. I need your help with what has somehow become the most passionate disagreement in our household. Picture the scene. My partner is getting dressed for a wedding. Puts his shirt on. Then with complete confidence, he tucks his shirt into his boxers. His boxers. I, on the other hand, have always believed that the shirt goes into the trousers. That's literally what the waistband is for. The trousers hold the shirt in place. The boxers are just innocent bystanders. in this whole operation. He insists tucking into his boxers keeps everything neat and stops the shirt from riding up. I insist he's dressed like a Victorian toddler. So please settle this once and for all. Is proper suit etiquette shirt tucked into your trousers, the normal civilised approach? Shirt tucked into your boxers, absolute chaos? Or have I completely misunderstood formal wear my entire life? I'd also love to know if this is a genuine style hack that I've somehow missed, or if I should be filing for irreconcilable differences. tucking differences. Please help before our— Isn't irreconcilable tucking differences what the BBC said about Drag Race? Please help. Thank you. I thought that was quite good.

Jordan 0:45:16 I thought that was brilliant.

William 0:45:17 Thank you.

Jordan 0:45:17 That was very good.

William 0:45:18 That's why it's left. Please help before our next wedding invitation tears this relationship apart. Thanks, a deeply concerned trouser tucker.

Jordan 0:45:25 Well, I don't personally tuck 'em into my boxers, but on the odd occasion I have, they do sit a lot better. What is the etiquette? Is it trousers?

William 0:45:35 Trousers is more conventional.

Jordan 0:45:36 However, I used to often get served adverts of these man suspenders.

William 0:45:40 Oh, these like braces. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Jordan 0:45:42 Man braces where you like, you clip these like suspenders under your trousers that pull your shirt in proper and hold them.

William 0:45:50 Properly.

Jordan 0:45:50 Properly. So maybe buying them as a little present.

William 0:45:54 Can I just say, whilst we're on adjectives and adverbs, I just wanna correct the record, because I know all the comments. The Friday episode has yet to go out at time of recording. I know I got the adverb thing wrong in last Friday. I know, everyone. Kill me, shoot me. I'm human. Prick me and I bleed.

Jordan 0:46:08 You're gonna get some shit on the comments, aren't you?

William 0:46:11 Whereas you can call me a thicko. Yeah, but— And everyone will be like, oh, Jordan, I love Jordan! I get one thing wrong, and it's pile on William.

Jordan 0:46:21 Cheeky chap. If you call me a thicko, they would pile on you. Exactly! I do get this.

William 0:46:26 Exactly!

Jordan 0:46:27 The

William 0:46:27 inverted snobbery in some people is extraordinary.

Jordan 0:46:31 Vic, you say to me, the shit you get away with on air compared to if I said some of the stuff you— and I'm like, yeah, fair enough. Yeah, yeah. So I know, I understand, I understand my privilege. Yeah,

William 0:46:42 you— yes, you are privileged. You are privileged.

Jordan 0:46:45 Now you saying that to me, I'm not gonna buy it.

William 0:46:48 You are privileged.

Jordan 0:46:50 But I do understand that I, I, I appreciate my privilege that I do sometimes get away with a lot more than you.

William 0:46:57 Yeah, you do. Anyway, back to tucking.

Jordan 0:47:00 You called me a thicko. Maybe I will.

William 0:47:03 Maybe I'll—

Jordan 0:47:03 This is the problem with the British class system. Yeah, I'm going, you thick git.

William 0:47:10 Um, yeah, no, don't. I mean, I'm going to look— I might look into this if there is an etymology, because of course shirts originally used to be part of underwear, originally, whereas now we sort of wear a shirt as whatever. Literally what you were wearing today, which is like a sort of waffle effect t-shirt, Henley thing. Granddad collar. Granddad collar. That literally looks like underwear used to look 100, 200 years ago, whereas now you're wearing it as relatively smart.

Jordan 0:47:36 Didn't they clip the collars on in the old days?

William 0:47:38 Yeah, well, because collars was detachable, etc. So yes,

Jordan 0:47:41 so— Which I always thought was pretty cool.

William 0:47:42 Oh, they really— they make the shirt look really nice. You can still buy them if you know where to go. But they are a faff. But yes, I'm gonna look into this as to whether— 'cause I have a thing, shirt tails. I think they did— and maybe we have done this before. Shirt tails.

Jordan 0:47:57 Shirt tails, ooh.

William 0:47:59 You would tie and basically, it would basically become underwear. So there is an almost—

Jordan 0:48:03 Yeah, didn't you tie it under you like with babies?

William 0:48:04 Yeah, it basically became like a nappy. So there is a slight precedent.

Jordan 0:48:09 But if you're gonna shit with one of them on, it'd be everywhere, wouldn't it?

William 0:48:12 Well, I don't think you had a shit whilst they were—

Jordan 0:48:13 Well, no, unbuttoning that and then you'd have to It's like, have you ever tried having a poo with your dressing gown on?

William 0:48:18 Well, Jordan, on behalf of women—

Jordan 0:48:20 Have you ever tried having a poo in a dressing gown? It's a nightmare.

William 0:48:22 Take the dressing gown off!

Jordan 0:48:23 Well, I've learnt that the hard way. That was a one wash on its own, that's all I'm gonna say.

William 0:48:27 Can I just say, on behalf of women, that's how it is when you wear skirts.

Jordan 0:48:32 I never thought of that. Even sometimes—

William 0:48:36 You are privileged.

Jordan 0:48:37 Even sometimes we in a dressing gown, and this isn't a sit-down wee, a normal wee, you piss on the belt and you don't even know.

William 0:48:43 You piss on the wash?

Jordan 0:48:44 I've pissed on the dressing gown belt before now.

William 0:48:46 Take the dressing gown off.

Jordan 0:48:49 I know this. It's one of my things that'll go in my book.

William 0:48:51 Thicko!

Jordan 0:48:52 Thank you. Just, you know what, if you're in a dressing gown, you're going to the toilet, take it off, because they're not— they're not made for toilets.

William 0:49:01 Thank God for that take-home content.

Jordan 0:49:03 There you go, take that with you. Thank you for your questions and dilemmas. Remember, you can watch and listen to new episodes every Tuesday and Friday and 24 hours before anywhere else on Global Player. If you want to get in touch about something that isn't a dilemma or a problem, drop into our DMs or send us an email to help@sexwithmyboss.com. We also love hearing back from people we offer advice to. So if that's you, get in touch and we'll see you on Friday.

William 0:49:25 Goodbye.

Jordan 0:49:26 Bye-bye.