Jordan Is A Fruber?! | And How To Drop The Poo Bomb

Jordan 0:01:28 Hello and welcome to our Friday episode, where we see how much extra content we can squeeze into your week, random bits that have been sent in, and how our advice went down with you, our wonderful GND-ers. You all good?

William 0:01:48 Yes, all good. I'm making the final preparations for my luxury soiree this weekend.

Jordan 0:01:53 How, when you've got everyone paying people to do it for you?

William 0:01:56 I clean.

Jordan 0:01:57 Do you?

William 0:01:58 Yes. I get things ready. I've got overnight guests staying, so I'm going to prepare the guest room.

Jordan 0:02:03 Can I just say— What? No, actually, no, I'm not gonna.

William 0:02:06 Okay. Yeah, so I, you know, I mean, tidy things away, make sure there's surface space for people to put their drinks down on, open up my back— I mean, I'm not gonna do that until the last minute— open up the back door,

Jordan 0:02:17 Is it a bit of a cop-out to say you're hosting if you're paying for caterers?

William 0:02:21 No, you're still paying for it. So you are hosting.

Jordan 0:02:25 Yeah.

William 0:02:26 Yeah.

Jordan 0:02:27 Okay. Will you save me some of the food? Because it was really good last time.

William 0:02:31 Uh, well, if there's any left. There wasn't last time.

Jordan 0:02:33 What drinks are you doing?

William 0:02:34 Uh, red wine, white wine, champagne. We are, and I haven't, I don't, I'm not a fan of this at a soirée. At my calibre of soirée. Yours, it works. Beer.

Jordan 0:02:47 Oh, you're doing— There's not a lot of beer. Oh, we've run out then.

William 0:02:51 But we have got some.

Jordan 0:02:52 You'll never run out of beer in my house, ever.

William 0:02:55 And then some soft drinks for the non-drinkers.

Jordan 0:02:57 Okay. You didn't have beer last year.

William 0:02:59 We did not have beer last year. To be honest, we've got loads under the stairs where we keep a lot of our— it's like a little bit of odd bins under the stairs. So I thought, well, we could serve that to try and clear it.

Jordan 0:03:09 Oh, okay.

William 0:03:09 'Cause we're not gonna drink it.

Jordan 0:03:10 It's gotta be cold though. Have you got enough room?

William 0:03:14 Well, this is what I'm worried about, because also we've gotta chill the white wine and the champagne.

Jordan 0:03:19 Pull out a drawer in your freezer and put the beers in your freezer. Just don't let it— and then it'll cool off quicker.

William 0:03:23 Well, I said this to Mikey the other day. I said, you know, we've got to like, this week we've gotta run down the fridge so we actually have space for the bottles.

Jordan 0:03:30 Ice buckets. Get ice buckets.

William 0:03:31 Oh, there will be ice buckets. Yeah,

Jordan 0:03:33 yeah, yeah. Wobbly buckets. Get those wobbly buckets, put some ice in them.

William 0:03:35 Do I look like a wobbly bucket sort of person?

Jordan 0:03:38 Yes. Just get those, put it in your back garden.

William 0:03:40 No.

Jordan 0:03:41 There's nothing worse than a warm beer and a warm white wine.

William 0:03:43 I am not doing wobbly buckets.

Jordan 0:03:45 Get out a drawer in your freezer, clear it out, and just put all your beers in there and just keep your eye on them and they'll be cold within an hour. Ice cold. That's what you want.

William 0:03:54 Well, my fridge has a, um, fridge freezer has a bottle freeze, uh, function where you press it. I don't think it makes it, it just times it for 20 minutes and then beeps at you incessantly before you take it out so you don't forget it's in there.

Jordan 0:04:05 Great. I wish my fridge had that. That's well fancy. Can't say this enough, Ste and Diva said it before, it's not wrong to put a bit bit of alcohol in the freezer, just don't forget it. It gets it colder quicker.

William 0:04:13 Well, yeah, because I think I've said this before, when we moved into the house we're in now, we got the fridge freezer that we have now, Mikey decided to put a thing of Guinness in the freezer and forgot about it.

Jordan 0:04:21 And it exploded.

William 0:04:21 And it was 3 days old, that fridge freezer. I was fresh out of hospital where I was fighting for my life, and that was the last thing I wanted to do.

Jordan 0:04:30 That was last year.

William 0:04:31 Well, it was last year. We've passed the 1-year anniversary.

Jordan 0:04:33 When I rung you, what did you say? You went, it was

William 0:04:36 I was close to death.

Jordan 0:04:37 No, you said, I was like, oh, it was touch and go. And I rang you on me holiday, and you're like, it was—

William 0:04:45 And I'm not sure you actually realised the severity of the situation.

Jordan 0:04:49 No, I don't. I didn't realise how ill you were. Yeah, you won't be doing that again. Yeah.

William 0:04:59 Anyway. Yeah, anyway. Right, in our episode, Help, That's Not My Man Porridge, Dean wrote in asking what the classiest colour scheme is for your home. Jordan, you've made your love of fancy paint names very clear in the past. Elephant's Breath. I mean, that's not yours, that's a Farrow& Ball.

Jordan 0:05:16 No.

William 0:05:17 So obviously we asked our G&Ders to come up—

Jordan 0:05:20 Egyptian Cough or something like that.

William 0:05:22 Egyptian Cough. There's Egyptian Cotton, which is— yeah. Dead Salmon, which I was thinking, who wants dead salmon on their walls? Such an unattractive— Mouse's Back, I think, is another one.

Jordan 0:05:32 What's ours? Knocking Shop Red? Thinking it.

William 0:05:36 Go away red.

Jordan 0:05:37 Studio Oz is knocking shop red.

William 0:05:39 Um, anyway, our June Divas have come up with their very own sexy-themed paint colours. We are going to read out the paint names and purely based on the name decide which colour we think it should be.

Jordan 0:05:49 Oh, I forgot my coffee! Rosie's just brought it in.

William 0:05:53 Oh, thank you, Rosie!

Jordan 0:05:54 Thanks, Rosie! I knew there was somewhere.

William 0:05:57 Jordan's just been handed his coffee from downstairs.

Jordan 0:06:00 5-star service, that.

William 0:06:02 Have you paid Kendall for that, or are you just going to wait to undo it?

Jordan 0:06:06 No, I'll pop that. They're long enough to fit.

William 0:06:07 Oh, she's written Geordie Pants on it.

Jordan 0:06:09 Yeah, she calls me Geordie Pants.

William 0:06:10 Aww. Okay.

Jordan 0:06:12 I just thought she called me Geordie Pops. I didn't realise it was Geordie Pants.

William 0:06:15 Right, so I'll read out the name of the colour, the suggested colour. What actual colour should it be? Tracy has suggested Pussy Galore. Now, I see that as a sort of a pinky purple.

Jordan 0:06:28 I see that as like a pale pink. A pale pink. Or is it more of a reddy pink? Pussy Galore is a great name for a colour, and I've seen it as a pale pink.

William 0:06:42 I think it goes on lighter and dries darker. Kelly suggested William's Creamy Interior.

Jordan 0:06:49 Again, pale. Very pale.

William 0:06:53 With maybe flecks of white.

Jordan 0:06:56 Yeah. A very, very pale white, a beige white.

William 0:07:00 John, sweaty undercrack.

Jordan 0:07:02 A browny black.

William 0:07:05 Oh, Jordan, there's an insight.

Jordan 0:07:08 Well, usually undercrackers are black, and just— they're sweaty.

William 0:07:13 Douglas suggested Camp Man Cum.

Jordan 0:07:16 Wow, Gene Davis.

William 0:07:18 That's a cream, isn't it?

Jordan 0:07:20 See, I say that's a blue.

William 0:07:21 Or if it's sprinkles, should it be almost like a silvery grey?

Jordan 0:07:24 Yeah, yeah, silvery grey. Grey would be Catman cum.

William 0:07:27 Yeah.

Jordan 0:07:28 How is Catman? We've not heard from him in a while.

William 0:07:29 He's alright. Sends his best.

Jordan 0:07:31 Sprinkles, sparkles, sparkles.

William 0:07:33 He's off saving the world. Sheepie Finch suggested cloner wisteria, lilac.

Jordan 0:07:40 Cloner wisteria?

William 0:07:41 Cloner wisteria.

Jordan 0:07:42 As someone that's colourblind, I don't know what lilac is.

William 0:07:44 No. Dame Edna's hair is sort of a mauvy lilac.

Jordan 0:07:48 Oh, is that like a pinky blue?

William 0:07:49 Ish. I wouldn't say it's pinky. It's more purpley blue.

Jordan 0:07:52 Purpley blue. Yeah. Lilac.

William 0:07:54 Uh, Alex, the womb effect. I mean, these are all of a theme, aren't they?

Jordan 0:07:58 The womb effect. Bright pink.

William 0:08:01 Well, no, surely the womb's dark.

Jordan 0:08:03 I think of womb— I'm just saying to you.

William 0:08:05 We, um, I think I've talked about this before, our guest accommodation upstairs, we've done the colour drench thing because— and then you copied us— and, uh, where the ceiling and the walls and the skirting boards and the door are all the same colour, and it's a terracotta colour. And because it's a lower ceiling, because it's in the at the top of the house. We call it the guest womb, because it's like being in a womb. That would be

Jordan 0:08:28 fun in your

William 0:08:29 house. Yeah, maybe it's a terracotta colour.

Jordan 0:08:31 Guest womb.

William 0:08:31 Guest womb.

Jordan 0:08:32 Yeah, right, we'll go for that then.

William 0:08:34 Because it has a— it's at the top of the house, the womb with a view. Matt suggested Diego's doggy style. Well, that's gonna be grey, I guess.

Jordan 0:08:43 Grey and white, like Diego.

William 0:08:45 Grey and white, like Diego. Oh.

Jordan 0:08:48 Don't ask me where I am this week. I ain't got a bloody clue. They've gone, they've pissed off to Greece, haven't they? So I don't know where I am. I'm probably on the streets begging, Jules. If you see me, give me some change.

William 0:08:58 Ali suggested Jolly Jordan's Jungle Juice green.

Jordan 0:09:02 Mm, like a Goosebumps green. I see.

William 0:09:06 Oh, that's like a bogey colour, wasn't it?

Jordan 0:09:08 Yeah, yeah, like a slimy green.

William 0:09:10 Luke suggested ghee. I don't know what colour. Again, pink. There's not a lot of diversity in our paint colours.

Jordan 0:09:18 No, I'm getting a pale red for gay.

William 0:09:20 Really? Yeah. No, I don't know if you'd say gay is very red. Actually, this set is not very gay. I've just realised that. I mean, it divides opinion, but it's not very gay.

Jordan 0:09:32 I think gay would be all the rainbow.

William 0:09:37 Yes. One of those clever paints where somehow it works, that it's all colours of the rainbow. Ebony suggested mahogany cock. Well, it's gotta be a deep brown.

Jordan 0:09:47 Chestnut brown. Big ol' mahogany cock. Yeah, but yeah, it's gotta be like a tanned brown, like a spray tan colour. Spray tan brown.

William 0:09:55 Okay.

Jordan 0:09:56 Big ol' mahogany

William 0:09:57 cock. Touch of orange.

Jordan 0:09:58 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

William 0:09:59 Yeah. Aoife, man porridge.

Jordan 0:10:02 Ugh.

William 0:10:04 I'd say like— A biscuity colour.

Jordan 0:10:06 No, I'm thinking more Ready Brek colour.

William 0:10:08 Like a beige, an oatmeal. Literally an oatmeal.

Jordan 0:10:10 Yeah, yeah. Oatmeal, yeah.

William 0:10:13 Steven Peanut Butter Bisexual.

Jordan 0:10:14 Well, that'd be peanut butter colour, but it depends, 'cause the crunchy peanut butter, so it'd be a mixture of crunchy and smooth.

William 0:10:23 Maybe the paint, sometimes you open up the paint, it's one colour, and other times you open up the paint, it's another colour.

Jordan 0:10:29 But crunchy peanut butter is a slightly different colour to smooth, so it'd be a mixture of both.

William 0:10:33 Okay.

Jordan 0:10:34 Bisexual peanut butter.

William 0:10:35 Eth0502. Suggested Ben's Big Load. It's transparent. And—

Jordan 0:10:44 You lot are fucking filth, honestly. It's like being—

William 0:10:48 I mean, literally, Western, William's Wank.

Jordan 0:10:50 It's like, honestly, it's like being in an episode of The Inbetweeners.

William 0:10:53 And Claire Gucci. I mean, we've sort of done all of this. You are degenerates, GMBNers.

Jordan 0:10:58 What colour would William's wank be? Again, a very pale pink. I'm getting a lot of pinks and pales.

William 0:11:04 Let's put it this way. It's a very popular colour, and it'll keep them coming back for more.

Jordan 0:11:07 Okay.

William 0:11:08 We'll sell out in the shop. Farrah and Balls. Claire Gucci. I mean—

Jordan 0:11:17 What's your favourite colour?

William 0:11:19 What's my favourite ever colour?

Jordan 0:11:21 Yeah.

William 0:11:21 I mean, it does depend for different things. I do like a bluey-grey or British Racing Green.

Jordan 0:11:28 What's that?

William 0:11:29 It's like— Darker.

Jordan 0:11:31 I've never really thought about what my favourite colour is.

William 0:11:34 Well, you are colourblind, so—

Jordan 0:11:35 I'd probably say black.

William 0:11:36 Not really a colour, it's a shade technically, but yeah.

Jordan 0:11:39 I'd probably say black.

William 0:11:40 Black.

Jordan 0:11:42 You can't go wrong in black.

William 0:11:43 Izzy, what's your favourite colour?

Jordan 0:11:45 Pink. Basic bitch.

William 0:11:47 Yellow. Yellow. Stuart? I like blue. Like the blue, Zofia? Probably green. Green. Well, there we go. Got a little insight into everyone's colour preferences.

Jordan 0:11:58 Pens would be white, wouldn't it?

William 0:12:00 Beige.

Jordan 0:12:01 I like white. Yeah.

William 0:12:03 As it went down such a treat last time, we're back with another round of Quickfire Etiquette for me. Although I do think it'd be more interesting if we gave it to Jordan. But Jordan, you're going to grill me. Off you go.

Jordan 0:12:13 I love this, Quickfire Etiquette. I love doing this every now and then on a Friday. Alright, Zoster, for our Quickfire Etiquette. Remember as well to keep the answers short. It's quickfire. Should you eat a chocolate digestive chocolate side up or chocolate side down?

William 0:12:27 Chocolate side up.

Jordan 0:12:28 I agree. Apparently it does taste better the other way though. They go right stale at the moment, digestive biscuits.

William 0:12:34 Just remember to keep these answers short.

Jordan 0:12:36 Is that just in my house? My, my di— I don't know if it's because of the summer months, but my digestives have been going right stale. Real stale. Jack said, how long to wait before asking for money owed by a friend? Oh, I owe you that money for barbecue, by the way.

William 0:12:50 Yeah, you do.

Jordan 0:12:50 Yeah. How much is it?

William 0:12:51 95. 3 days.

Jordan 0:12:57 3 days? But what if you said, I'll pay you back in a month?

William 0:13:01 Well, if you set that parameter when you went, Jordan, could I borrow, or William, can I borrow X? And I go, yeah, that's fine. When are you paying me back? You go, it'll be in a month's time. If you've set that parameter before the money has been lent, that's fine. But if not, you want to pay back the money ASAP.

Jordan 0:13:15 But say it's like past the deadline, 3 days past the deadline? Yeah. Yeah. You don't like lending money, do you?

William 0:13:23 No, I do. I just— but my father always said to me, he said, you should never lend money that you're not prepared to get back. You should always let— if you are lending money, you basically have to go, I'm never seeing that back. And if you aren't prepared to see it back, don't lend the money.

Jordan 0:13:35 I think that's actually good advice. Darlin' Little Notes says, can you eat the froth of a cappuccino with a spoon? That's a great question. Oh, that could be a new etiquette video.

William 0:13:43 No, I'm not doing any more coffee etiquette videos ever again after you have strong opinions.

Jordan 0:13:48 What do you do with the froth from a cappuccino?

William 0:13:50 You either stir it in or just drink it and get a slight little frothy thing.

Jordan 0:13:54 So you're not meant to eat it with a spoon?

William 0:13:55 No.

Jordan 0:13:56 Oh, I thought that was quite posh. I would eat mine—

William 0:13:58 But that is a very good one to do. Dare I do it?

Jordan 0:14:01 Do it, please. Please do it.

William 0:14:03 Okay.

Jordan 0:14:03 I think that's a good one.

William 0:14:05 I'll do it tomorrow. I'm filming tomorrow.

Jordan 0:14:06 Alright, okay. Yeah. When you get a cappuccino from a café, and it's quite frothy, don't eat it with a spoon. Stir it. Or simply have a little moustache. Video will end on him with a moustache. And then a little camp, Am I right or am I right? Please do that.

William 0:14:22 Well, it's not going to be camp because none of my videos are camp.

Jordan 0:14:25 No, of course. All right, so you're not meant to eat it with a spoon? No. Charis, as a pedestrian, should you thank drivers at a zebra crossing? These are great, even though legally they have to stop. Yes, I always thank them.

William 0:14:35 Yes.

Jordan 0:14:36 Even in London.

William 0:14:36 Even just with a little nod.

Jordan 0:14:37 Little nod of the head or a little, cheers, mate.

William 0:14:39 Yeah, they could have mowed you down. Yes. So it's nice just to go, thank you.

Jordan 0:14:43 I think these are great questions. Georgia, or Georgia?

William 0:14:46 Georgia.

Jordan 0:14:46 What's the correct response when somebody's baby is not objectively particularly cute?

William 0:14:51 Oh, what?

Jordan 0:14:52 All babies are cute.

William 0:14:53 Yes. Takes me back to our school photos carousel from last week.

Jordan 0:14:58 Not all teenagers are cute. Not all teenagers. I didn't think that were me. Honestly.

William 0:15:03 Can we just talk about Rodrigo as a lion?

Jordan 0:15:05 Oh, sassy Rod.

William 0:15:06 The— just, I was going through there, like everyone's doing like a fairly normal school photo. And then you get Rodrigo as a little lion.

Jordan 0:15:14 For context, if you've not seen it, we put all the pictures up of the team here of us in school, and Rodrigo is just in a lion, and it explains everything about sassy Rodrigo. I just couldn't stop laughing at it.

William 0:15:24 Who knew they had lions in Spain?

Jordan 0:15:25 Yeah, hey, I'm a lion. What's so funny about that, eh? What's wrong with a lion?

William 0:15:29 I text him saying, I'm absolutely loving you as a cat. And he went, it's a lion. I was like, well, Rodrigo, a cat is a lion. A lion is a cat, isn't it? So just like back in your box.

Jordan 0:15:38 He's so funny. He's so funny. It's a lion. All babies are cute. And if you don't think the baby's cute, why am I answering for you? You don't say, that's not a cute baby.

William 0:15:50 You can say things like, oh, isn't it soft? It's so small. Something like that.

Jordan 0:15:56 Yeah. You know, I had the nephews and nieces round last week.

William 0:16:02 The refuse.

Jordan 0:16:03 Nephews.

William 0:16:03 Nephews, yeah.

Jordan 0:16:04 And I went to make a brew.

William 0:16:07 And

Jordan 0:16:07 when I said, I'm just gonna go upstairs and have another half hour. and just picked the baby up off the floor and took him with me into my room. And it was the cuddles at like 9 o'clock on a Saturday morning. It was well cute.

William 0:16:19 That's nice.

Jordan 0:16:20 It was really sweet. And then he fell asleep on bed, bless him. Yeah, so that was nice. Just picked him up with me. I had Brute on, I went, I'm taking this up with me. Oh, little cutie.

William 0:16:29 That is cute.

Jordan 0:16:30 Ellen, who's that? Elaine?

William 0:16:33 Oh, a lion?

Jordan 0:16:34 A lion? It's not a lion, it is a cat. A lion says, uh, How do I tell someone they're a pain in the arse?

William 0:16:42 You say, Jordan,

Jordan 0:16:45 you're a pain. I jokingly say, you are a pain in the arse.

William 0:16:48 Yeah.

Jordan 0:16:49 Yeah.

William 0:16:49 I mean, to me, I would say I have to have more context for that. But are you saying them— are you telling them that jokingly because they haven't paid you back for gas or something?

Jordan 0:16:56 I think a pain in the arse is a nice way of saying, you're a pain in the arse, but you're my mate.

William 0:17:00 And what's wrong with a pain in the arse?

Jordan 0:17:01 Yeah, exactly.

William 0:17:02 Push through the pain.

Jordan 0:17:06 Once it's in, it don't hurt. Kate says, is it bad etiquette to say no to an activity first date, like mini golf, because I hate them? No. Yeah, I, I don't like activities. Just go for a coffee or something to have a drink.

William 0:17:18 Something short.

Jordan 0:17:18 I, I don't like anything like that. Paddle would be fine.

William 0:17:22 No, because you're not bloody talking.

Jordan 0:17:24 Great, but an activity date?

William 0:17:26 Not for, not for date one.

Jordan 0:17:27 Should I book an hour at the rock climbing club?

William 0:17:30 No.

Jordan 0:17:31 No. No. Marlo.

William 0:17:33 Yes.

Jordan 0:17:33 Should you bring home souvenirs, gifts for family and friends after a holiday? Do they really want a Benidorm magnet? They haven't been.

William 0:17:39 I would absolutely agree.

Jordan 0:17:41 I still bring home magnets for Wendy no matter where I go.

William 0:17:44 Of course, she loves a magnet fridge, doesn't she?

Jordan 0:17:46 Yeah, what's wrong with that?

William 0:17:47 No, no, no, nothing.

Jordan 0:17:48 It's often I've been in airports, gone boarding, gone, oh, I've not got my mum a magnet. I've been told to go and get therapy. Yeah, got a lot of issues there, George.

William 0:17:58 What sort of Magnets does she have?

Jordan 0:18:00 All of them. Corfu, I got one recently.

William 0:18:02 Torremolinos.

Jordan 0:18:02 I don't think I've got a Torremolinos. Ibiza. Mijas. Yeah, loads. I've got loads. I got a real, real cool, um, Nashville one.

William 0:18:13 Lovely.

Jordan 0:18:15 Yeah. So yeah.

William 0:18:16 Yeah, I do think it's a bit weird having fridge magnets of places that you haven't

Jordan 0:18:19 been.

William 0:18:20 I mean, I think it's weird having fridge magnets. Way to ruin a fridge.

Jordan 0:18:23 No, it's cool.

William 0:18:25 Hmm.

Jordan 0:18:25 Katie McSteed or McStead says, how do you politely decline a handshake? Germafolks says.

William 0:18:32 I think you need to be proactive about it. So, rather than going, no, or giving basically some form of signal that says no once the other person's hand is extended, you go up to them. Don't stand as close to them. So, when you're getting a little bit closer and you're in the more intimate, to use our word of Tuesday, zone, that's where you feel you have to— need to do a hug, a handshake, a kiss, etc. but stop, don't go as far to them, put your hand on your heart, just like we did back during COVID Hand on heart and sort of a nod, as if to just say hello and acknowledge them with eye contact and a smile.

Jordan 0:19:05 A very famous celebrity said to me, oh, I don't do handshakes.

William 0:19:10 No.

Jordan 0:19:11 I

William 0:19:11 think about that all the time.

Jordan 0:19:12 I was like, oh, okay. To be fair, we were at breakfast.

William 0:19:15 Yeah.

Jordan 0:19:15 And they were like, that's very— oh no, I don't do handshakes.

William 0:19:19 I think, yeah, but it's a bit March.

Jordan 0:19:21 I was like, fair enough. I wasn't offended. Stacy says, I am a cleaner. Is it rude to wear headphones, listen to music when the client is home? Now, I don't like having headphones in house when I'm doing my jobs or potting about because I, I always like— no one can shout you and people— I always get jumpy. People come up on you.

William 0:19:40 Do you not have it in transparency mode though if you're doing it?

Jordan 0:19:42 No, I don't like it. I just have it on my phone out loud. In my pocket.

William 0:19:47 Someone that works in—

Jordan 0:19:48 It's my house!

William 0:19:48 Yeah, but no, but hang on, sorry. Someone that works in audio listens to things on a tinny little phone speaker.

Jordan 0:19:54 Honestly.

William 0:19:54 You're a disgrace.

Jordan 0:19:55 I, I, I've just got Emily and John and Lewis from newsagents in my pocket. I just listen to them when I'm pottering around the house.

William 0:20:03 Surely it's a bit muffled from your pocket, isn't it?

Jordan 0:20:05 Yeah, you can still hear it. It's just there.

William 0:20:08 Um, yeah, I would say—

Jordan 0:20:10 I don't think it's rude, but I don't like it because I always feel like someone's gonna Jump, pop out at me again from my childhood where—

William 0:20:15 No, I don't think so. I think it's fine. I think if you did it, you know, if you put them in the second you arrive, that's rude. But if when you're going about your business, I think that's fine. And I think it's better to do that than put your own music on and listen to it out loud in someone else's house. Yeah.

Jordan 0:20:29 Maybe just pop one in if they're still in the house.

William 0:20:31 It's always been my motto.

Jordan 0:20:33 Harry says, how should you react if someone accidentally farts?

William 0:20:39 Don't mention it.

Jordan 0:20:40 Yeah, you're meant to ignore it.

William 0:20:41 Ignore it.

Jordan 0:20:42 But I never did.

William 0:20:43 Don't be so ill-bred as to mention it. It's not funny.

Jordan 0:20:45 Ill-bred? Oh, I'm sorry, but farts are still the funniest thing. They still are.

William 0:20:52 Maybe on your side of the table, but not on this side of the table.

Jordan 0:20:55 I just find them so funny. I would personally laugh and make you feel comfy. If you farted in front of me, I'd go, like that time you did, I'd make a joke of it. Yeah.

William 0:21:05 Well, we'll agree to disagree.

Jordan 0:21:07 Okay, well, that's good quickfire etiquette.

William 0:21:09 Oh, I'm sure we'll do more of that in a few weeks.

Jordan 0:21:10 I'd make a joke out of the fart. We've got more of your emails, messages, and letters after a break.

William 0:24:05 Welcome back, G&D-ers. Now, William, not me, has discovered a TikTok that combines our 2 greatest obsessions, Mary Poppins, that's Jordan's favourite, and the Spanish, that's mine. Just gaslighting new listeners. We're gonna watch this clip now.

Jordan 0:24:23 Is this a Spanish Mary Poppins?

William 0:24:25 Well, I don't know. So on our screen, we should just say, and if you're watching on YouTube, you will be able to see this, and I'm sure you can hear it. We've got Julie Andrews.

Jordan 0:24:33 I'm still laughing at Rodrigo. It is a lion. All right, let's have a listen to this.

William 0:24:57 I love it!

Jordan 0:24:57 Now, my—

William 0:24:58 It's obviously the dubbed version.

Jordan 0:24:59 My only argument is Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious is in any language. So why— how is that the Spanish version of it? 'Cause surely in Spain, it'd be Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. I get the Spanish of— surely it's something quite atrocious.

William 0:25:13 Atrocious. Atrocious.

Jordan 0:25:17 But yeah.

William 0:25:18 Can we listen to just super— the Supercal again, please, Olaf?

Speaker G 0:25:23 Eeeh, supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. Yeah. Raro y espantoso. Oh, espo, espo, espo. Con soltura, sonar armonioso. Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

Jordan 0:25:36 Dum-dee-lee, dum-dee-lee, dum-dum-dum-dum.

William 0:25:39 I— this reminds me, I'm not going to say his name, but it's a mutual friend who has a public profile, can do— his party trick is he can do most of the song from Wicked, Dancing Through Life, which is the Fiyero song, in Japanese. And it's great.

Jordan 0:25:54 Oh, your dinner parties are riveting, aren't they? I'm really missing out this weekend.

William 0:25:58 You are. To be fair, Mikey even listens to Defying Gravity in German. I come home and it's not enough to hear it in English 4 times a day, I then get to hear it in German.

Jordan 0:26:05 No offence to our German listeners, but I bet that's a tough listen.

William 0:26:08 It is a tough listen.

Jordan 0:26:09 It's quite an aggressive language, innit?

William 0:26:12 Yeah.

Jordan 0:26:12 Yeah. I might actually give that a listen myself.

William 0:26:15 I'll find it for you.

Jordan 0:26:16 Just to see what it is. I do want to learn Spanish, but of all the languages, I feel like I could learn German the best. I just feel like I've got

William 0:26:23 the— It's closest to English, I would say.

Jordan 0:26:25 Is it? I thought French was. Friends.

William 0:26:28 French.

Jordan 0:26:29 I thought French was. I've always thought—

William 0:26:31 I mean, English is a combo of quite a lot of languages, but German's relatively—

Jordan 0:26:35 Yeah, I've always thought that when I've been to Germany and thought, das war schon doch Technik. See how good that sounds on me? War schon doch Technik. Ja.

William 0:26:43 Means hello.

Jordan 0:26:44 Scheiße.

William 0:26:45 All the words you need.

Jordan 0:26:47 Ein neuer Scheißer. See? I practically sound German. War schon doch Technik.

William 0:26:53 Sally has got in touch about Jordan's upcoming Doncaster Races gig this weekend.

Jordan 0:26:57 This weekend, yep.

William 0:26:58 Dear wonderful Sected family, OG G and Diva here. Well, I thought I'd write in to tell you about one of my latest what are the chances of that moments. This is, of course, referring to the whole Doncaster Races gig that has become such an entertaining running theme throughout the year. It made me chuckle so much, and I've been educating my daughter, who came to the live show with me, about the fact that the skit you did with the decks was in reference to that very gig. Well, imagine my surprise when I opened my emails to discover that I I've also been booked to perform at Doncaster Races for another one of the artists appearing at the event. And then I realised it's— Sorry, there's other artists? Change your agent. It's the same event Jordan is at. Now, let's just hope I was the first choice like William, not the second choice like Jordan. Jordan, if you happen to see 2 rather tall ladies wandering around on stilts, just know that one of them is a fully fledged original G&Diva who has been to all of your shows.

Jordan 0:27:53 Aww.

William 0:27:54 And whose entire team has kept me company on countless long drives home after many a gig. Lots of love, Sally from Macclesfield.

Jordan 0:28:01 Sally on stilts, I'll keep an eye out for you. I'll give you a shout out during the gig.

William 0:28:05 It'd be hard for you if you sort of try and find women that are taller than you. You'll, you know, you won't know who it is.

Jordan 0:28:11 Sally on stilts. Yeah, I have been the DJ kid, so they've given me a little box to stand on before now. Honestly, like DJ Sammy. I don't see DJ Sammy in, uh, Magaluf BCM. Remember him? Tiny little fella in real life, remember? Remember DJ Sammy? No. He had that—

William 0:28:32 What did he do?

Jordan 0:28:33 I'm in heaven, baby, you're all that I want.

William 0:28:37 When you're lying here in my arms. Copyright that, you're a genius.

Jordan 0:28:41 Heaven is all that I need. We're in heaven. I went to see him at BCM, tiny little thing. A little tiny little cute little DJ Sammy.

William 0:28:50 You scooped him up and took him to bed.

Jordan 0:28:52 He was on a box. And I've done a few gigs where they've put me on a box, 'cause I was like DJing.

William 0:28:58 With your arms in the air. Now, after my opinion on chilled red caused quite a stir on socials—

Jordan 0:29:04 I seen, I seen. What's Rodrigo said about that? It is meant to be chilled. You heathen. And there was a lion.

William 0:29:11 Wine expert Tom Gilbey has come to back me up. We've got a clip.

Jordan 0:29:15 Oh, here we go. Is that a hairy biker?

William 0:29:18 It was Tom Gilbey.

Jordan 0:29:19 Oh, hi, Tom.

Speaker H 0:29:20 William, I loved your piece on best temperature to serve red wine. Some people say light red wine chilled. In this weather though, I'm going to be having this Cru Beaujolais that most people would serve chilled at room temperature. It's breakfast time. I'm serving this at about 18 degrees centigrade. This is jumping out of the wine glass at this temperature and it's singing wonderful tunes. I'm going to have it with my yoghurt. William, please keep teaching the Oi Polloi how to drink their red wine. Yoghurt! And Jordan, as for the Oi Polloi, Can you please stop drinking your white wine so cold? Not in the freezer! Chin chin.

William 0:29:58 Well, thank you, Tom.

Jordan 0:29:59 I love Tom. What's an Opaloi? Oi— Opaloi. He's great. Can he now be our Sex Ed wine connoisseur whenever we need to talk about wine?

William 0:30:10 Well, it was a job share between him and Helen McGinn.

Jordan 0:30:12 Oh yeah, we've got Helen. Oh yeah, don't forget lovely Helen. And Ollie as well.

William 0:30:16 And producer Ben's dad.

Jordan 0:30:18 And producer Ben's dad, David. Yeah, we need to get an impression of David.

William 0:30:21 Yeah, we do.

Jordan 0:30:23 We need to get an impression.

William 0:30:24 If only we had one.

Jordan 0:30:25 I know, yeah. Um, because he listens all the time and he'd love it if we had an impression. Yeah, he would. What's an oikoloi? What did he say? Was he referring to me then?

William 0:30:34 The hoi polloi.

Jordan 0:30:35 Oh, was he calling me an oink?

William 0:30:37 An oink?

Jordan 0:30:38 What are they called?

William 0:30:39 An oink.

Jordan 0:30:40 An oink. Was he calling me an oink?

William 0:30:41 Basically.

Jordan 0:30:42 Is that what he's saying?

William 0:30:42 Yeah,

Jordan 0:30:43 yeah. An oikoloi.

William 0:30:44 The, the hoi polloi is like the great unwashed.

Jordan 0:30:47 You cheeky bastard, Tom Wine Man! I'll have you know it's very sophisticated to have a chilled red wine. I prefer a chilled— only Rioja is the best. It's not!

William 0:30:55 Hang on, you can't tell a wine expert what is more sophisticated.

Jordan 0:30:59 I feel like I've got a wine fridge, I'm practically there. I'm a wine expert. Have a day off. You're all just pissheads, paid pissheads. Do me a favour. I'm a wine expert. Well, yeah, what's that mean? Well, I drink wine morning, noon, and night. There's me rant. But I actually like Tom. He seems like a good lad.

William 0:31:15 But yeah, don't serve your white wine straight out the freezer.

Jordan 0:31:20 No, you want it ice cold.

William 0:31:21 No, you don't.

Jordan 0:31:22 Especially in the summer, the heatwave, you do. Okay.

William 0:31:25 Archibald has answered the call once again. This time—

Jordan 0:31:28 Same Archibald.

William 0:31:29 Same Archibald, with his response to my request to establish whether Jordan's voice has changed. Dear William Jordan, and naturally the entire institution that is EPB. I almost don't want to read on. I write for the 3rd occasion, as requested by William during—

Jordan 0:31:44 Christ, you'll have a seat up at the table next, Archibald.

William 0:31:47 Has Jordan's voice changed? And frankly, darling, when summoned to offer an opinion of such national importance, one simply cannot refuse. William, I absolutely believe Jordan's voice has changed. It's developed a gloriously rich, velvety, faintly smoky quality, somewhere between a late-night Radio 4 announcer, a minor European aristocrat announcing dinner, Really? And a recently divorced gentleman returning from 3 weeks in Mykonos with a suspicious tan and strong opinions about linen.

Jordan 0:32:13 I mean, Archibald's great. If you have a crow kit, we'll get him.

William 0:32:17 Yeah, I was gonna say, yeah. Of course, there's aged cigarettes and 8 years of podcasting to consider. But let us not underestimate the microphone. Give an otherwise innocent male voice sufficiently expensive recording equipment, and suddenly he sounds as though he's reclining on a silk chaise lounge at Claridge's, preparing to disclose something both deeply inappropriate and extraordinarily well-funded. So yes, darling, Jordan's voice has changed. Whether it's age, cigarettes, superior acoustics, or simply the consequence of years—

Jordan 0:32:43 All the above.

William 0:32:44 —spent saying things that were never destined to survive beyond a WhatsApp group, I couldn't possibly say. I can, however, confirm that whatever the microphone is doing, it is doing it with considerable confidence. With the greatest affection, admiration, and unnecessary grandeur, kind regards, Archibald Beaufort Hexley.

Jordan 0:33:01 I— thanks, Archibald. I do think as you get older, your voice changes.

William 0:33:06 Oh yes, I think it gets deeper. Definitely.

Jordan 0:33:09 Yeah. Definitely. Yeah. Some of my old radio links sound like me balls hadn't dropped.

William 0:33:15 Some of them, they hadn't.

Jordan 0:33:16 Are you Lewis Jordan here?

William 0:33:19 Yeah.

Jordan 0:33:20 How old were you when your balls dropped? Do you know how I knew when my balls dropped? I answered phone, and my auntie didn't think it were me mum. I used to answer the phone, she'd go, ayo, Andy. I'd be like, Lewis Jordan! She'd go, oh, I'll put your mum on. And I once answered phone when I was about 14, 15. I went, hello? She went, oh, put your mum on. I thought, right, the balls have dropped now. That's when I knew. What about you?

William 0:33:42 I don't know. I haven't given it any thought whatsoever.

Jordan 0:33:44 Yeah. It was a big thing in Year 9, Year 10, if your balls hadn't dropped. You used to pretend that they had. You'd be like, right. You then put your hand up in class. Right, his balls hadn't dropped.

William 0:33:55 Finally, Mr. Fandango may have a story that's about to put Jordan off Froobs for life. Dear William Jordan and the Sexton Crew.

Jordan 0:34:03 Don't, my only treat in life.

William 0:34:05 After hearing Jordan mention Froobs in a recent A recent episode brought back a disturbing memory that I felt compelled to share with you. A few years back, I was chatting to a guy on Grindr, and we got onto the subject of kinks. He told me of his love of froobing, which he describes as drinking cum out of a used condom. Oh, Jesus. The name apparently derives from the similarity between the extraction technique and the way people eat a froob yoghurt tube. Do you want to do a demonstration again?

Jordan 0:34:33 No.

William 0:34:33 To make the story—

Jordan 0:34:35 I mean, it is a great name for it. Drinking cum out of a condom, why would you do that? Why don't you just do it straight from the cock?

William 0:34:43 To make the story—

Jordan 0:34:47 I don't get that as a kink. If you like cum, fine. If you like drinking cum, fine. But why won't you drink it straight from cock? Why would you put it in a condom? Oh, it's like those people that like milk straight from the teat. I get it. You don't put it in a What?

William 0:35:05 We'll clip this.

Jordan 0:35:06 No, we will not.

William 0:35:08 To make the story worse, he went on to explain that he would often scout known dogging spots for discarded condoms.

Jordan 0:35:14 Oh, Jesus. Come on, kink shame.

William 0:35:18 Not kink shaming. Mr. Fandango continues, to each their own, but this wasn't for me. And we went our separate ways after that conversation. This may have either ruined Jordan's bliss hour snack of choice or made it more enjoyable. Interested to know which. Kind regards, Mr. Fandango in sunny Sussex.

Jordan 0:35:35 Ruined. Can you imagine that? Going into work on Monday. You do much this weekend, Pete? Ah, just a bit of froobing. Ah, what's that then? Well, just go to a local park. Oh, okay. Have a look for used condoms. Sorry, right. Just have a look for any used condoms and then pick them up and drink them like a froob. What about you? I just want my weekend to have the kids, you know.

William 0:35:56 Yeah, it's a lot.

Jordan 0:35:58 Froobing. That's put me off. Now, I love going home and having me froob and me brew and reading me book. That's what I do on a Thursday after this, a gym, go home, have me brew.

William 0:36:07 And have a froob.

Jordan 0:36:09 And have a froob. I'm never ever gonna be able to eat a froob again.

William 0:36:12 Well, hey, what you could do is you could, rather than froob into your mouth, froob into a little ramekin.

Jordan 0:36:19 Well, then I'll just get a yoghurt. I'll just get a petit filou.

William 0:36:22 So is it the process of You like, or is it the actual taste of the object?

Jordan 0:36:26 Yes, because I've never had it as a child.

William 0:36:28 I'm glad to hear it.

Jordan 0:36:30 Tell you what, I'll do an etiquette video of me froobing.

William 0:36:33 Fuck's sake.

Jordan 0:36:34 Right? Of how to eat a froob, like one of your etiquette videos. Can I do that? I'm gonna dress up like you and do it. Remind me. I'll get Freddie to film it. Here's a froob. Here's how you eat a froob. Yeah.

William 0:36:46 You have to do it in a restaurant though, and wind up people on tables next to you.

Jordan 0:36:49 Well, I won't do it in a restaurant. I'll do it at me house. Oh, that's actually— I love a frube, but now I'm not gonna be able to eat it thinking of some old man's jizz in my mouth. Imagine going around picking up used johnnies to frube. Right, let's finish with our comment of the week. This can be a comment from Spotify, YouTube, or any of our socials.

William 0:37:10 Mark C65 on YouTube said, I'm confused, read the candlestick talk. Either Jordan and Ben were trolling William, or you need to introduce a dunce's cap for those 2 to wear.

Jordan 0:37:20 What's a dunce's cap?

William 0:37:21 Called a rat demonstrandum again.

Jordan 0:37:24 What is it with all these big stupid words you're using today? What's a dunce's cap and what's a rat's demonstration? What are you on about? What the fuck are you on about?

William 0:37:36 A dunce's cap is a pointed cap that you would put— I think it was a Victorian school thing.

Jordan 0:37:40 Oh yeah, they were horrible.

William 0:37:42 That had D on it.

Jordan 0:37:43 Oh, I always thought that meant for like dickhead.

William 0:37:46 Dunce.

Jordan 0:37:46 Dunce. Yeah, right. And what was the other thing you said?

William 0:37:49 Quadrat demonstrandum. It's Latin for, and thus it proves my point. Or the point.

Jordan 0:37:54 Your candlestick chat got quite the reaction because you were wrong again, weren't you?

William 0:37:58 No, I wasn't! Mark is backing me up.

Jordan 0:38:00 Okay.

William 0:38:02 Arwen on Spotify said, the way William says poo is most enjoyable. Terrible subject, great pronunciation.

Jordan 0:38:07 Poo. You do say poo nicely.

William 0:38:09 Thank you.

Jordan 0:38:10 Do you say, I'm going for a poo? I

William 0:38:11 say, I'm going to freshen up.

Jordan 0:38:13 You do say that. Does that mean you're going for a—

William 0:38:17 Not always. It just means I'm just going to go and, as Princess Alexandra would say, member of the royal family, opportunity to tidy.

Jordan 0:38:24 Again, coming from a working-class background, I honestly didn't realise until I got older and moved to London that when you're going for a shit, you don't announce to people that you're going for a shit. And this was explained to me quite strictly. I just thought it was the norm. So, and I was told, why, you know, when you go for— to do that, you don't have to announce. And I grew up in a house where you announced you were going for a shit. You went, I'm gonna go for a shit, I'll be 2 minutes. Genuinely just thought every family did that.

William 0:38:58 What I would do is anything that you were told growing up—

Jordan 0:39:02 That's a good rule of thumb. Discard it.

William 0:39:05 You're starting again, basically.

Jordan 0:39:07 Yeah.

William 0:39:07 Just start again. It was all wrong.

Jordan 0:39:10 Yeah. And I just thought—

William 0:39:12 Love to Wentworth.

Jordan 0:39:13 Love to Mum and Dad, but I just thought that was the norm.

William 0:39:16 No. But our comment of the week goes to Hookster, who absolutely clocked us in the comments of our Going to School on a Saturday social clip, saying, and yet you have both ended up co-hosts on a podcast.

Jordan 0:39:28 Yeah.

William 0:39:29 And as I replied, that's democracy for you.

Jordan 0:39:31 That's a great thing about this country. We both came from different spectrums. You went to a posh school that we went on Saturday. We— I— from an house where you announce you're going for a shit, and look where we are now.

William 0:39:41 Exactly.

Jordan 0:39:43 Exactly. Remember, you can listen to new episodes every Tuesday and Friday and 24 hours before anywhere else on Global Player. If you want to get in touch about something that isn't a dilemma or a problem, this is the place to do it on our Friday episodes. So drop into our DMs or send us an email to help@sexandmyboss.com. If you've always wanted to get in touch, do it. Go on. There's still loads of you we've not heard from. We also love hearing back from the people we offer advice to. So if that's you, Get back in touch, and we'll see you on Tuesday.

William 0:40:07 Goodbye.

Jordan 0:40:08 Bye-bye.