Has Jordan’s VOICE Changed?! | And Poppins Parody

Jordan 0:01:57 Hello and welcome to our Friday episode where we see how much extra content we can fit into your week.

William 0:02:12 Are you looking down, for God's sake?

Jordan 0:02:14 How you can squeeze— right, William wanted to know if I can remember the script.

William 0:02:18 The answer is no.

Jordan 0:02:19 No. Where we can see how much extra content we can squeeze into your week. Random things that have been sent in, extra bits that have been going on, and how our advice went down with you. Our wonderful GND-ers.

William 0:02:30 How the dickens are you?

Jordan 0:02:31 I'm good, how are you?

William 0:02:32 Yes, what are you doing this weekend?

Jordan 0:02:33 I've got my brothers and the kids coming.

William 0:02:36 Oh, which—

Jordan 0:02:37 Got a house full.

William 0:02:38 Which brothers?

Jordan 0:02:39 Yeah.

William 0:02:39 Oh, so several brothers?

Jordan 0:02:42 I've got, uh, my 2 youngest brothers and they're bringing their kids.

William 0:02:45 Oh God.

Jordan 0:02:45 Yeah.

William 0:02:46 Okay.

Jordan 0:02:46 So 3 under 4s. Great.

William 0:02:48 That's no way to talk about your brothers.

Jordan 0:02:51 To be fair, it's more brads I'm worried about because He's

William 0:02:55 a

Jordan 0:02:55 liability. Yeah. I've told you about the yoghurt that he blamed on Lucas, but it was actually him. He got yoghurt all over my settee. I can't get it out. And now every time anyone comes round and goes, ooh, what's up, cheers! No. My 30-year-old brother eating a Froob on me velvet settee.

William 0:03:09 Why were there Froobs in the house?

Jordan 0:03:11 Huh?

William 0:03:11 Oh, Froobs are the kids, I guess.

Jordan 0:03:13 No, I always have Froobs in.

William 0:03:14 Oh.

Jordan 0:03:15 I love a Froob. I've told you this. Do you know why? There's 2 things in my house Well, growing up,

William 0:03:21 right?

Jordan 0:03:21 Mm-hmm. No matter what, we didn't grow up in poverty, I'm not gonna, you know, we never went without. But no matter what time of day you got up, every towel was fucking soggy. So I make sure my towel rails are always on at a certain time so that I have a warm towel every time I get out of the shower. It's 30— I'm 36, it's a luxury I have in my life, right? Also, I always make sure I've got Froot Loops in my fridge because my mum said they were too expensive when I were younger, and I only had Froot Loops when I went to my mate's house. So now I always make sure I've got warm towels and Froobs.

Ben 0:03:49 That's like something out of a novel.

Jordan 0:03:51 It's a Dickens novel.

William 0:03:53 There is your autobiography title, Warm Towel and Froobs.

Jordan 0:03:56 Froobs. So I always have a Froob in the fridge.

Ben 0:03:59 A bit Frooby.

Jordan 0:04:00 'Cause I just sometimes I'll come in from work and just go—

William 0:04:03 What's your favourite flip? There's a clip.

Jordan 0:04:15 Just clip that all without any context.

Ben 0:04:17 Down in one.

Jordan 0:04:19 Um, come on, what are we gonna say?

William 0:04:21 I must get some.

Jordan 0:04:22 So there you go, I've got the kids coming around, and hopefully if weather's being nice, because it's turning, weather's turning, it's turning, I'm gonna do a barbecue.

William 0:04:28 Oh

Jordan 0:04:28 yeah,

William 0:04:29 make sure you have enough gas.

Jordan 0:04:30 Oh, you know what, I have. Oh, I still owe you for that.

William 0:04:32 Yeah.

Jordan 0:04:33 Still not paid yet.

William 0:04:34 Well, if you run out this time, I'm not coming to help you. In fact, I'll actually text your brothers going, don't offer to go to that little hardware store near where Jordan lives because he'll never pay you back.

Jordan 0:04:43 Wendy's gonna go mad at me if she hears me say we never Fruits in fridge. We didn't. We're a petit filou family.

William 0:04:48 Well, that's posh.

Jordan 0:04:50 The little petit filou ones?

William 0:04:51 Yeah.

Jordan 0:04:52 Were they?

William 0:04:53 I had petit filou.

Jordan 0:04:54 They were tiny then.

Ben 0:04:56 We found the one similar.

Jordan 0:04:58 I used to lick them up. I used to just lick them whole. What am I doing? I used to lick them up. I didn't even use a spoon for them. I'd just get my tongue right in and lick them out.

Ben 0:05:06 That's, that's where you learn the technique.

William 0:05:13 Anyway. What was your favourite flavour, chocolates?

Jordan 0:05:15 No, it was pink strawberry. They do a banana vanilla one as well, that's nice. What are you— first thing. What are you giggling at, Ben?

William 0:05:27 Ben's got a filthy mind.

Jordan 0:05:29 Anyway, what are you doing this weekend? What Soho bar are you frequenting?

William 0:05:37 No, I've got a dinner in town on Friday, and then I'm going to Bristol. Because it's my cousin's 30th birthday, so I'm gonna go and celebrate that.

Jordan 0:05:45 Oh, okay.

William 0:05:46 Yeah, so I'm afraid Soho will have to just let itself— I did actually last week, in fact, time of recording last night, I went and met some of the lot for cast drinks because a few of them were leaving. And

Jordan 0:05:59 you can't go to Titanic drinks anymore? It's like when Ricky Gervais always turns up David Brent in The Office.

William 0:06:04 I was invited.

Jordan 0:06:06 You don't work there anymore.

William 0:06:07 No, I— and I was a bit unsure as to whether I should go, but a few of them insisted that I come. Okay, came, went, whatever the verb is. And, um, I don't know whether I'm coming or going.

Ben 0:06:19 He had a froop.

William 0:06:21 I did not. And, uh, anyway, uh, the barman at Sophie's, the bar that we have talked about previously, I have not been to for 6 weeks, 5 weeks, looked delighted that I turned up.

Jordan 0:06:33 Oh.

William 0:06:33 You could see the profits going back up. I

Jordan 0:06:36 bet.

William 0:06:36 It's great.

Jordan 0:06:37 Oh, well, have a lovely weekend.

William 0:06:40 Thank you so much. You too. And Maybe what you should do with your sofas is just put a sort of a rug down on all the sofas.

Jordan 0:06:45 You're gonna get that plastic thingy on that they have. Yeah, plastic sheet. Everybody Loves Raymond.

William 0:06:49 Get them wrapped like a suitcase at the airport. Yeah, well— You could just get them protectively wrapped.

Jordan 0:06:53 It's not just that. With his leg, me brother, bless him, he leaves like 8-foot toddler marks. You know, toddlers leave stains everywhere.

William 0:07:01 Yeah.

Jordan 0:07:01 He puts his hands on all poles to get by.

William 0:07:03 Gosh.

Jordan 0:07:04 I'm gonna give him a little mitten or something. But yeah. What have we got today then?

William 0:07:07 In a recent episode, I said I wanted to produce a segment for this podcast to find out, Jordan, if your northern accent has disappeared— well, not disappeared, I think I softened since the start of the podcast. So naturally, the team and I have been digging through the Sex Ed archives and found some Jordan gems from the first couple of series.

Jordan 0:07:26 Oh, I can't do this.

William 0:07:28 Now, you did say the first 10 episodes we recorded, you were quite, quote unquote, heavily on piss.

Jordan 0:07:35 I was heavily— and at the time of recording, I'm still

William 0:07:39 What's

Jordan 0:07:39 changed?

William 0:07:40 No, I don't know. So, maybe this is going to go in your favour. This is going to go in your favour, and you're going to— because you think you haven't changed.

Jordan 0:07:45 Do you want me to, like, northern it up or just do it how I do it normally?

William 0:07:48 You do it how you do it normally. So, you're going to read out some lines that you said back then, and then we'll play the original clips to see how different you sound now. So, basically, we're investigating whether you're still northern or whether your London life has completely knocked it out of you.

Jordan 0:08:03 I don't know if I can do it. I can't listen back. I can't listen back to them.

William 0:08:06 Well, you're gonna have to.

Jordan 0:08:07 Not that I'm ashamed at all, it's just—

William 0:08:09 Or you can always take your ear out and then you won't hear it.

Jordan 0:08:11 You know I don't like listening back. Right, so what's the first one? Right, like, what do you do if your first date orders spaghetti bolognese? What's wrong with that? Or who gets the dog after a breakup? And of course, what should you do if you've sexted your boss?

William 0:08:26 And now here's clip 1.

Jordan 0:08:28 Like, what do you do if your first date orders spaghetti bolognese? What's wrong with that? Or who gets the dog after a breakup? And of course, what should you

Speaker G 0:08:36 do if you've sexted your boss?

William 0:08:38 It's quite high-pitched, actually.

Jordan 0:08:41 I don't think there's that much difference, do you?

William 0:08:44 Do you? Well, maybe we'll do a second line. We'll say it, and then we'll immediately afterwards play the clip.

Jordan 0:08:49 Okay. When we got upstairs, he went, would you like a drink or anything? I went, no, you're all right, I've had a brew and a butty on train. And you know when you say something and think, why did I say that?

Speaker G 0:08:59 When we got upstairs, he went, would you like a drink or anything? I went, no, you're all right, I've had a brew and a butty on train. And

Jordan 0:09:03 you know when you say something and think, why did I say that? Gosh, you're speaking very quickly.

William 0:09:07 quickly, aren't you?

Jordan 0:09:07 See, I think it's also because we're in a better studio now, better microphones.

William 0:09:12 Oh yeah, blame the tools.

Jordan 0:09:13 Yeah, I remember that. I was talking about my first meeting at Radio 1. Yes. I remember that. Yes. She really liked it. I went, you're alright, better put in a putty-up tray.

William 0:09:21 Uh, all right, 3rd line.

Jordan 0:09:24 Sounds like a sex move. We did the Bellagio last night, there's piss everywhere.

William 0:09:29 Here's the clip.

Jordan 0:09:30 God, I'm funny. I am funny. I'd listen to this.

William 0:09:35 Let's— we need to do this properly. Say it again, and then we'll have the clip.

Jordan 0:09:38 Sounds like a sex move. We did the Belagio— what is it?

William 0:09:41 Belagio.

Jordan 0:09:42 Belagio last night. There's piss everywhere.

William 0:09:45 Clip.

Speaker G 0:09:46 Sounds like a sex move. We did the Belagio last night. There's piss everywhere.

William 0:09:52 I do, I do. Your voice just sounds so much higher.

Jordan 0:09:55 It's raspier.

William 0:09:56 Yeah.

Jordan 0:09:57 'Cause I—

William 0:09:57 It's all those fags.

Jordan 0:09:58 Yeah.

William 0:09:58 Mm.

Jordan 0:09:59 Yeah. I don't think I sound that different, but we'll put it out there.

William 0:10:03 We'll do a Jordan North Pole.

Jordan 0:10:04 Yeah, we'll do a Jordan North Pole. I don't think there's much different. I think my voice is raspier.

William 0:10:10 Mm. Yeah. And higher pitched. Yeah. Well, back then, yeah.

Jordan 0:10:13 How long ago was that? About 14 years ago?

William 0:10:15 14? We've not been doing this podcast, darling. I know sometimes it feels like it, for 14 years. We've been doing it for 8.

Jordan 0:10:22 Is that it?

William 0:10:24 Well, we made a big song and dance about doing it for 14 years.

Jordan 0:10:26 I don't think I sound that different.

Ben 0:10:27 Well, we can leave that to the Jordan North Pole.

Jordan 0:10:29 Okay. Yes.

William 0:10:29 But there is also—

Ben 0:10:31 an option to see if Willy has changed as well. I've popped one line in the script. So, if you could read that, and then we'll hear the clip.

William 0:10:38 Okay. He popped his cheese twist out below the table, and it turned out I was quite peckish. He popped his cheese twist out below the table, and it turned out I was quite peckish. I'm quite high-pitched as well. I've got— oh, haven't I got sexy? It's

Jordan 0:10:52 the recording.

William 0:10:54 No, I don't know if it is. I think your voice is higher as you're older.

Jordan 0:10:57 We sound like were having the best time there, and I really hope it still does now, because you can just hear that, you know, as like a geek that I am. We sound like genuine mates having a laugh. I still hope 8 years later that comes across, because I don't say this enough, I bloody love doing this every week with you all.

William 0:11:16 I bloody love doing it too.

Jordan 0:11:17 But there, give me goosebumps. I've not heard that for years. It sounds, it sounds like—

William 0:11:22 Go and listen to some old episodes.

Jordan 0:11:23 Play it again, play it again. I might listen to it. Sounds like we're genuinely— listen to me giggling in background. Just listen.

Speaker H 0:11:30 He popped his cheese twist out below the table, and it turned out I was quite peckish.

Jordan 0:11:34 Bless us.

William 0:11:37 I'd love to know what the context of that deliver was.

Ben 0:11:39 If you're enjoying them, I've got one more. I just found one more clip that you don't need to read any lines for. Okay. I thought you'd enjoy it. Okay. So here's one little bonus clip that Jordan can get teary too.

Speaker H 0:11:48 Right, are you ready for your G&D?

Speaker G 0:11:49 I'm always ready for a G&D, my little G&D man.

Speaker H 0:11:52 Can you pass me the D?

Speaker G 0:11:55 Do you know what that means?

Speaker H 0:11:56 No.

Speaker G 0:11:57 If I said to you, do you want me to give you some D?

Speaker H 0:12:03 Yeah, I want it.

Speaker G 0:12:04 No. I remember

William 0:12:07 that. It's the first time I realised what D meant in the non-debonair context. I mean, now we do whole song and dance routines about it.

Jordan 0:12:16 I know, and we've named a tour after that joke.

William 0:12:18 Yeah, yeah, yeah. One of them. Yeah, we've flogged it to death.

Jordan 0:12:20 Yeah.

William 0:12:21 Bring on the D.

Jordan 0:12:21 Oh, that was nice though.

William 0:12:23 That is nice.

Jordan 0:12:24 8 years.

William 0:12:25 I would say it's— I remember when Steve Wright died and we— they were playing lots of archive recordings.

Jordan 0:12:29 Well, when I go, don't play any of this.

William 0:12:31 And his voice sounded higher from sort of, you know, the '70s and the '80s. So I do think it— there is something in your voice deepens as you get older.

Jordan 0:12:40 Oh, is it?

William 0:12:41 I think it's probably scientific.

Jordan 0:12:43 I think it's the mics and stuff and the recording. Don't forget it's And, um, what's it called when it's squashed down?

William 0:12:50 Compression.

Jordan 0:12:51 Compression, yeah. Anyway.

William 0:12:53 Works in radio.

Jordan 0:12:54 Um,

William 0:12:54 what are we doing next? Right. Um, Jordan, we've talked about it already this episode. You ran out of gas at a barbecue you did for all of us so recently. So naturally, you obviously sent me out to go and get the gas. In fact, there is now a WhatsApp group between the 4 of us that went to go and get the gas called the Gas Gays.

Jordan 0:13:13 Okay.

William 0:13:14 So that's now become a thing. Luckily, a local hardware store saved the day for you. So we asked the GNDers, if Sexted had a hardware store, what would it be called?

Jordan 0:13:24 Love this. Love stuff like this. Go on.

William 0:13:26 Andy, great. I mean, this could be a collab, said, Help I Sexted My Bosch.

Jordan 0:13:32 The drill.

William 0:13:34 Yeah.

Jordan 0:13:34 Bosch.

William 0:13:35 Or household appliances. Morris, William Hammers and Jordan Nuts. Tom names at the weekends. Oh. Marta, Cock and North.

Jordan 0:13:45 I don't get that.

William 0:13:46 I don't get that. No, but Marta, God bless her, she had fun on her own. Anne, my cousin, suggested, Help, I Screwed My Boss. Lovely. That's good. Yeah, I'm freelance. SLM suggested, Willy and Jordan's Big Hard Shop. Come in, get screwed, leave happy.

Jordan 0:14:09 That's great.

William 0:14:09 I love that.

Jordan 0:14:10 That should be our motto. Come in, get screwed, leave happy.

William 0:14:12 Yes. Rob, Thick as Wood.

Jordan 0:14:15 Thick as Two Planks.

William 0:14:17 That'd be my shop.

Jordan 0:14:18 That would be mine. Thick as Two Planks.

William 0:14:20 Yes. Mike, Drill Me Daddy. Wow. Nick, Nuts, Bolts, and Bottoms. Kell's, Plumber and Dumber. Teagan Nail and Finish. And Mrs. Shaley, Stud Finder, guaranteed to find the perfect fit for any tight space. I think my favourite is Plumber and Dumber, because we laugh the most at that.

Jordan 0:14:49 Yeah, I think we'll go for Plumber and Dumber.

William 0:14:50 Help I Sexed My Bosch is very funny.

Jordan 0:14:53 Yes.

William 0:14:53 But Plumber and Dumber is going to be our—

Jordan 0:14:56 Honourable mentions, Help I Sexed My Bosch and Nuts, Bolts and Bottoms.

Speaker G 0:18:09 Arizona. Alright, Gene Divas, thanks for sticking with us.

Jordan 0:18:15 What have we got next, please, Willy?

William 0:18:16 Well, Katie has got in touch after listening to a recent episode where Jordan changed the lyrics to the Mary Poppins classic A Spoonful of Sugar. She says, hi guys, I just listened to today's podcast on X-rated film puns and enjoyed William's disgust at Mary Poppitin. Does he know there's already a gay parody song to the tune of Spoonful of Sugar? I feel like there needs to be a live reaction to this on the podcast. Oh yeah, well, there's already a clip. Well, of a similar gay pairing. We should do it. I have probably seen it because if— I mean, God bless. Look, I love everyone. I love everyone. If there is anything about Mary— I will say this is my own fault. If there's anything about Mary Poppins on the internet, I am sent it.

Jordan 0:18:54 Okay.

William 0:18:54 So I have probably seen this. Let's have a listen.

Speaker G 0:19:05 Anal sex was bad. The church said it was a dirty rotten sin. That's great. But then I learned from other guys that no matter what the size, there's a simple trick to help you take that dick. Just a quick sniff of Papa's house, that penis slides right in. Brilliant! Of course he's gonna tip.

Jordan 0:19:40 That was brilliant.

William 0:19:45 We are really never, ever, ever, ever, ever working with Disney ever again, aren't we?

Jordan 0:19:49 Just a sniff— what was it? Just a sniff of the poppers makes a cock slide in. See, we, we really need to do a Mary Poppins parody.

William 0:19:57 No, we don't.

Jordan 0:19:58 Yeah, we do. Maybe we'll do a Christmas panto episode of it.

William 0:20:01 Not on Mary Poppins.

Jordan 0:20:02 Yeah. No, we'll do Toy Story. Me and Jack will write

William 0:20:05 that. Sex Story 5. No. Sex Toy Story 5.

Jordan 0:20:12 Well, um—

William 0:20:12 Sex and Toy Story 5.

Jordan 0:20:14 Katie, thank you for bringing that to our attention.

William 0:20:17 Sex Toy Story 5 Inches. That's what we'll do.

Ben 0:20:20 Right, he's still going.

Jordan 0:20:23 Any more?

William 0:20:23 I can go for a long time.

Ben 0:20:26 45 inches.

William 0:20:27 Oh yeah. Pheebs has written in with the revelation that she's a fellow pegger. Hi, William and Jordan. As a new listener, I've recently retired, so I now have time on my side. I was surprised to learn that my husband and I partake in pegging, which one of your listeners shared with you on one of your recent shows. I said to my husband, ah, did you know what we do is called pegging? To which he responded, yes, how did you know? So I told him I'd heard it on your podcast. I think he was shocked, as I'm quite naive, but still sexy and adventurous. As a pegger, I do, however, have OCD when it comes to pegging washing out on the line. Maybe it is an old-fashioned thing to do, but I find it so satisfying to see a line full of washing pegged with matching colour pegs per item, with clothes in matching groups: t-shirts, trousers, pants, socks, and pillowcases. William, is there an etiquette for hanging washing on your line? Yours always, Pheebs. Well, I'm not convinced—

Jordan 0:21:15 Right, does Pheebs— is Pheebs confused here? Does she think pegging the— Does she think she's putting the washing out, or—

William 0:21:25 Well, that is a type of pegging.

Jordan 0:21:26 Is it?

William 0:21:27 You peg out.

Jordan 0:21:27 Or does she shag her husband with a dildo up his ass? A strap-on, right? I believe. Pheebs, we think you might have got your wires crossed there. Get back in touch, love. Bless you, because you've just retired. So I'm, I'm thinking it might be the latter, but can you just clarify whether—

William 0:21:43 or she might do both—

Jordan 0:21:45 whether you, you pegging, you think means washing your Putting your clothes out

William 0:21:51 on the washing line

Jordan 0:21:51 and using certain pegs, or do you shag your husband with a strap-on in his arse? Let us know.

William 0:21:57 In terms of the etiquette for the washing on the line, I would say if— unless you're not overlooked. If you are overlooked by other houses, I would put your underwear inside and then all the other stuff in front of it so people aren't looking at you, aren't looking at your underwear. That's what I would suggest. Archibald ha— if you've got a whirligig, that is. If you've obviously just got one line, you can't really do that.

Jordan 0:22:19 Okay.

William 0:22:19 Archibald has got—

Jordan 0:22:21 name, Archibald? Is that what Archie's short for?

William 0:22:24 It can be.

Jordan 0:22:25 Well, what else is it short for?

William 0:22:26 Um, Ar— Oh, I don't know. I'm sure it's short for something else as well.

Jordan 0:22:32 Is it like Jack's short for John? Is it one of them weird ones?

William 0:22:35 No.

Jordan 0:22:36 Still blows my mind that Bill's short for William.

William 0:22:38 What? Bill. Yeah, well, I know that.

Jordan 0:22:41 I worked with a lad for years called Billy.

William 0:22:43 Bill Clinton is William Clinton.

Jordan 0:22:45 Yeah, I know. And then I sent—

William 0:22:47 Bill Bryson, William Bryson.

Jordan 0:22:48 I think I sent a letter to him. I said, who's William? He says, it's me. I said, no, it's not, you're Billy. He says, yeah, that's my real name.

William 0:22:55 Billy Elliot? William Elliot?

Jordan 0:22:56 Never. I just thought you were— yeah. My friend Billy had a 10-foot willy and he showed it to the woman next door. She thought it was a snake, so she hit it with her rake, and now it's only 2 foot 4.

William 0:23:06 Lovely. Is that Shakespeare?

Jordan 0:23:08 Yeah.

William 0:23:09 Anyway, Archibald has gotten back in touch to thank us for giving his literary efforts their moment in the spotlight. Dear William Jordan and the team, I just wanted to send a note of sincere thanks for reading out my letter on the X-rated film puns episode of Sexted. It was generally a lovely surprise to hear it read out, and I was particularly pleased to hear that you both seemed to enjoy the various witticisms contained therein. I'm always rather fond of a well-turned phrase, and I do enjoy putting pen to paper, so to speak, when inspiration strikes. I should also say that I've been an avid listener from the very beginning, so it was an absolute delight to hear my own contribution make its way onto the podcast. I've also been fortunate enough to attend each of your live shows— Bristol 2 years ago and Cardiff this year— dragging my wife, both times to see you both, and both of which were tremendous fun. It's been rather lovely to follow the podcast from its beginnings and then to have the opportunity to enjoy it in person as well. Thank you for indulging my literary efforts and for giving the letter such an entertaining moment on the podcast. Keep up the great podcast, darlings. Kind regards, Archibald Beaufort Huxley. Lovely. Well, I'm glad.

Jordan 0:24:11 What a lovely letter.

William 0:24:12 Lovely letter. You're very welcome.

Jordan 0:24:14 That's very sweet.

William 0:24:15 And I'm glad we put a smile on your face, and thank you for listening for all that time.

Jordan 0:24:18 And thank you for coming to see us live.

William 0:24:20 Do you think Jordan's voice has changed? Let us know, Archibald. Write in for a 3rd time. No, that sounds— sorry, that sounds really sarcastic.

Jordan 0:24:28 I didn't mean it. I thought you were being sarcastic.

William 0:24:29 I know. What?

Jordan 0:24:30 I thought you were being sarcastic.

William 0:24:31 No, I wasn't.

Jordan 0:24:32 No, no, no.

William 0:24:34 Jackson has written in from Australia to firmly dispute Jordan's claims about limp Catholic handshakes. Dear William and Jordan, I'm writing in response to Jordan's recent handshakes, that Catholics are known for having weak handshakes.

Jordan 0:24:44 I don't know where I've heard this, and I hope it wasn't derogatory.

William 0:24:48 As a fully practising, card-carrying Catholic, I must firmly reject this allegation. I have a strong grip, and I am more than capable of wrapping my hand around another man's and giving it several confident pumps. That's the Catholics. Frankly, Catholics have plenty of experience in this area. He says the same. Every Sunday, we are encouraged to turn to the people around us and offer them the sign of peace. That is weekly handshake training. There should be no limp offerings in the house of the Lord. I'm more than happy to provide hands-on proof. Should you ever visit Australia, Jordan may personally experience my firm Catholic drip. William can supervise to ensure the experiment is conducted with appropriate etiquette, full consent, and no excessive pumping. Until then, please consider this myth officially debunked. Catholics may occasionally be guilty of holding on too tightly, but we certainly know how to make a strong first impression. Yours firmly, Jackson. P.S., if Jordan's handshake is weak, perhaps he simply needs to receive the sacrament of firmation.

Jordan 0:25:47 I know where I got that from. It's a Peter Kay sketch or somewhere. I think he did it on a talk show and he said, are you Catholic? Or something like that. I can remember vaguely. And Peter Kay's Catholic, as far as I know.

William 0:25:57 Oh, is he?

Jordan 0:25:58 So I just said off the cuff that Catholics have— they have strong grips.

William 0:26:02 She's not here because she's at Mass, but we actually discovered that Izzy actually is Catholic. There was me thinking it was joking, and Izzy then shared photos with us Of her confirmation. A young Izzy and a confirmation certificate.

Jordan 0:26:17 Oh, if they knew.

William 0:26:19 So, I think in future, I'm not going to write to His Holiness. I'm going to go to Izzy.

Jordan 0:26:25 To Izzy.

William 0:26:26 All Catholic matters.

Jordan 0:26:27 All Catholic matters go to Izzy.

William 0:26:30 And Izzy, if you're listening, when you come back, what is the Catholic Church's official position on the contraception being used for the rats in the United States of America in New York City?

Jordan 0:26:41 I'd like to know. Yeah, poor Izzy. She's not here to defend herself, but never let her down as Catholic.

William 0:26:47 No. Betty has written in after a very exciting G&Diva sighting in the wild. Hello. Oh, wow. I was recently staying at a relative's house while doing some work experience in London. I'm originally from Clitheroe.

Jordan 0:27:00 Where Izzy's from.

William 0:27:01 I hope that gets a reaction in the studio. Not today. She's on her knees.

Jordan 0:27:04 Cleverer.

William 0:27:04 I was walking along Broadway Market with a friend.

Jordan 0:27:10 Fuck. She's gonna have to sign that one off.

William 0:27:13 I was walking along Broadway Market with a friend, trying to decide where to get food from.

Jordan 0:27:19 What is it? Let me just clarify, she's our very good friend.

William 0:27:25 Yes.

Jordan 0:27:25 She sleeps over at your house at least twice a week these days. I'm jealous.

William 0:27:30 What, of her or of me?

Jordan 0:27:32 Of her. I want her to stay at my house.

William 0:27:34 Aww.

Jordan 0:27:34 She's the most fun. Yeah,

William 0:27:36 she is. I was walking along Broadway Market with a friend, trying to decide where to get food from. We slowed down to have a closer look at one particular restaurant when I noticed a little whippet sat beside a couple. I smiled. Oh, that looks a bit like Diego. I didn't say anything to my friend. I looked up at the couple. OMG, is that Producer Ben?

Jordan 0:27:54 No!

William 0:27:54 That looks like Producer Ben. And is that cat? Nobody knows. I— even Ben's forgotten what she looks like. I grabbed my friend and quickened my pace.

Jordan 0:28:02 You're just going out there today, aren't you?

William 0:28:05 I grabbed my friend and quickened my pace because I didn't want them to see me fangirling. Then I looked back to make sure. OMG, it's Producer Ben, Kat, and Diego! I'm freaking out to my friend, who has absolutely no idea who I'm talking about because sadly she's not a G&D-er. I explained the podcast to her and she immediately says, quick, let's go back and speak to them! I said, no, I can't. So here I am. I wish I had said hello now, but I just couldn't bear to interrupt what looked like a very cutesy date. I hope you had a lovely time, Ben, Kat, and Diego. Next time, I promise I won't run away. Thank you to everyone at Sex Ed for making such a wonderful podcast. From one very loyal listener, Betty. Did—

Jordan 0:28:42 was that you? Was you in Clitheroe?

William 0:28:44 No, they were visiting from Clitheroe.

Ben 0:28:46 They were in East London.

Jordan 0:28:47 Oh.

Ben 0:28:48 But the idea of me, Kat, and Diego all being together at once does seem very suspect.

William 0:28:53 That is rare.

Ben 0:28:53 So, I'm not sure that—

William 0:28:53 That is like the shiny Pikachu.

Jordan 0:28:55 I don't know whether I'm coming or going, Jodie. I don't know who's looking after me They've just got back off holiday or festival or something. I was in the kennels, I was next door, bought one, I was down the road. Oh, I don't know, I've never seen the pair of them, Jules, just abandoned. It's all right when they got me in lockdown, when they wanted me all the time. Now I'm just a bloody nuisance. Now I'm just in the way.

Ben 0:29:16 That's not true. The joke is that Cat's not around, it's not that Diego's not around.

Jordan 0:29:20 Oh, you shut up. When are you feeding me anyway? I'm starving.

Ben 0:29:23 Cat and Diego are on their way here right now, so you might— for the— I genuinely don't know the last time you saw Cat, me, and Diego in the same room, you two.

William 0:29:31 I think it's gonna be a mirage.

Ben 0:29:31 Probably back in January or February.

Jordan 0:29:34 Unconfirmed.

William 0:29:35 This is Jordan's impression of Kat.

Jordan 0:29:37 This lady is not for turning.

William 0:29:40 Not for turning up.

Jordan 0:29:42 I have been in the same room as Ben once this month. Socialism dies. Thanks, Kat.

William 0:29:55 Thank you, Kat. Look forward to seeing you in a minute.

Ben 0:29:57 I got spotted. I got spotted in the Tate Modern. by a lovely boy called Will. Did you? Will? Yeah. How did it go? The young chap.

William 0:30:05 What were you looking at at the time?

Ben 0:30:06 I was walking down the stairs and he stopped me on the middle of this very busy stairwell and asked for a picture.

Jordan 0:30:11 What were you doing in Tate Modern?

Ben 0:30:13 I was looking at Frida Kahlo, I'll have you know.

Jordan 0:30:16 Who's he?

William 0:30:16 She.

Ben 0:30:17 Brilliant.

Jordan 0:30:18 Who's Frida Kahlo?

William 0:30:20 The— with the monobrow.

Ben 0:30:21 The Mexican artist?

William 0:30:23 The Mexican artist.

Ben 0:30:23 I've got a big poster of her at home.

Jordan 0:30:25 Aren't they the wind jackets? Isn't that a sailing make?

Ben 0:30:27 What?

Jordan 0:30:28 Frida Kahlo.

William 0:30:29 No.

Jordan 0:30:30 They do wind jackets, don't they?

William 0:30:31 No, they don't.

Jordan 0:30:32 Oh, I'm thinking of Helly Hansen. What?

William 0:30:39 Stupid boy.

Jordan 0:30:39 I'm thinking of Helly Hansen. Anyway, right. Frida Kahlo, and does she? I made myself laugh.

William 0:30:51 Yeah, good.

Jordan 0:30:54 Right, let's finish with our comment of the week. This can be a comment from Spotify, YouTube, or any of our socials.

William 0:30:58 Firstly, Hells on Spotify said, William, you need to put Daddy's sauce on the sausage. Have you all learned nothing from Baga Chipz, the drag queen? I'm a vegetarian, so I do not indulge in that kind of sausage, but I know things. Yeah, I would try battered sausage again if it was warm and there was a bit of sauce. And it was a— I could actually also have seen the fish and chip shop it came from, because it needs to be a nice one.

Jordan 0:31:19 I don't mind Daddy Sauce.

William 0:31:20 This episode, you are absolutely on one.

Jordan 0:31:26 I don't mind Daddy Sauce, but I think I prefer HP. But I would take Daddy Sauce if it had to. I bet Daddy Sauce on sausage is quite nice. Oh, I really want a sausage sandwich now with brown sauce.

William 0:31:43 Sam Lyon on Spotify said, please, Jordan, can you review William's book for the covering? Oh, please, Jordan, can you review of William's book for the COVID just be riveting.

Jordan 0:31:53 Riveting. Is that what you said at Tate Modern? Yeah. When you go to anywhere and you feel a bit out of place, you go, hmm, riveting.

William 0:31:59 No, but I— the thing is, Jordan, riveting is not—

Jordan 0:32:02 I'm just gonna put riveting. That's gonna be mine.

William 0:32:04 The publisher can always reject it.

Jordan 0:32:06 Well, they might not. I'm just gonna put riveting. That'll be— that is— do you know what? That should be— that for me is comment of the week, Sam Lyon. Riveting.

William 0:32:16 Well,

Jordan 0:32:16 because you know I'm being sarky.

William 0:32:18 Our comment of the week goes to SVJ02, who hit back at the comment from Pauline Oxley on YouTube saying, Bloody hell, I'm going to stop offering workmen tea or coffee, to which they responded, I'm going to start.

Jordan 0:32:33 That's great.

William 0:32:37 I've got the window cleaner coming on Wednesday.

Jordan 0:32:39 Is that true, by the way? Did we get to the bottom of that? Offering them—

William 0:32:42 No, it's not. I have offered tradesmen things for years.

Jordan 0:32:47 I bet you have.

William 0:32:48 Nothing. No, it is not a thing. You should— and actually, from an etiquette point of view, if you've got someone doing work in your house, yes, you make them a drink. Several. Give them a little tray of biscuits as well or something.

Ben 0:32:59 Yeah. I did actually listen to an episode of one of my favourite podcasts called Stranger on a Bench, where they interview random people, and one of them was a tradie, and his stories were just like, he'd go in houses all the time and have illicit affairs with the housewives. Really? All the time. And he was like, fuck a laddie. Yeah, I'll try and pick out— I'll try and find the episode. I was— it was stunning.

Jordan 0:33:21 So it does all go on?

Ben 0:33:23 It was riveting.

Jordan 0:33:24 Riveting.

William 0:33:24 Yeah. Lovely.

Jordan 0:33:26 Bonking.

William 0:33:27 You're not putting that on my book.

Jordan 0:33:30 Bonking. Sounds like the most Boris Johnson word, that, don't it? Bonking.

Ben 0:33:35 Right, cat's here, sorry.

Jordan 0:33:38 Uh, remember, you can listen to new episodes every Tuesday and Friday and 24 hours before anywhere else on Global Player. If you want to get in touch about something that isn't a dilemma or a problem, drop into our DMs or send us an email to help@sexandmyboss.com. We also love hearing back from the people we offer advice to. So if that's you, get back in touch and we'll speak to you on Tuesday.

William 0:33:54 Goodbye.

Jordan 0:33:54 Bye-bye.