Jordan Loses His SH*T | And Wendi’s Coffee Table Books

Jordan 0:00:05 Hello and welcome to our Friday episode. This is where we see how much extra content we can squeeze in, random things that have been sent in, and how our advice went down with you, our Gene Divas. You good?

William 0:00:18 Yes, I'm good, thank you. I'm off to Chicago, one of my favourites, this is this weekend.

Jordan 0:00:23 Oh really? I'm off to Ibiza.

William 0:00:25 Lovely. Yeah, very nice.

Jordan 0:00:26 How different we are.

William 0:00:27 Indeed.

Jordan 0:00:28 Yeah.

William 0:00:29 All that jazz.

Jordan 0:00:30 I'm going to watch Calvin Harris at Oshire.

William 0:00:32 Calvin Harris?

Jordan 0:00:32 Calvin Harris at Oshire.

William 0:00:34 Right, well, that sounds my idea of hell, but I'm sure you'll have a lovely time.

Jordan 0:00:37 No, it's— do you know what, with Ibiza you can do— but you can do the big late nights, but also you can just chill and go for a nice meal.

William 0:00:43 Well, you can, you can do that most places.

Jordan 0:00:44 Do a bit mixture of both.

William 0:00:46 Okay.

Jordan 0:00:47 Might be seeing Dom Dolla, but he's on at half 2, and even for me on the first night—

William 0:00:52 Didn't he do Trigger Happy TV?

Jordan 0:00:54 No, that was Dom Jolly.

William 0:00:55 All right.

Jordan 0:00:56 But he's on at half 2, and that means that I would've been up for 24 hours at the time. No, no, no. 'Cause obviously I'm up at 4.

William 0:01:06 You will be a joy the next day.

Jordan 0:01:07 I know. Well, I know.

William 0:01:10 I don't think that's worth it.

Jordan 0:01:11 No.

William 0:01:11 No.

Jordan 0:01:11 So we'll see how we go.

William 0:01:13 Well, you have a lovely time.

Jordan 0:01:14 Thank you. You have a lovely time too.

William 0:01:15 Thank you. Do you need anything from America?

Jordan 0:01:17 Yes.

William 0:01:19 Run out of—

Jordan 0:01:20 I will send you my—

William 0:01:21 Run out of your paracetamol?

Jordan 0:01:22 I will send you a list.

William 0:01:24 Okay.

Jordan 0:01:24 And I will obviously pay you Good money for the good stuff.

William 0:01:30 Plus VAT.

Jordan 0:01:31 Plus VAT.

William 0:01:31 You need to pay me for the— actually, they don't do VAT in America. You need to— well, not quite. You need to pay me for the gas still.

Jordan 0:01:37 Yeah, I need to pay you for the gas. Yes.

William 0:01:39 In fact, maybe I'll hold on to your lifetime supply of paracetamol until you've paid me.

Jordan 0:01:44 I do need a couple of bits from Duane Reade or whatever you call it.

William 0:01:46 Duane Reade.

Jordan 0:01:47 Duane Reade.

William 0:01:48 Okay, fine.

Jordan 0:01:48 Wherever you're going. Thank you for asking.

William 0:01:50 Do they have Duane Reade in Chicago? They'll have CVS. Who I do the other podcast with.

Jordan 0:01:55 They've got really good doughnuts. What are they called, the doughnuts place?

William 0:01:58 Dunkin'?

Jordan 0:01:58 No, the other one.

William 0:01:59 Krispy Kreme?

Jordan 0:02:01 No, it's a proper famous Chicago doughnuts chain. It's really good.

William 0:02:05 Oh, really?

Jordan 0:02:06 Try it. Get a really nice big tall coffee and a doughnut for your breakfast.

William 0:02:11 Oh, not for breakfast. I've already had a battered sausage this week. I'm not having that.

Jordan 0:02:15 What's it called, Jack?

William 0:02:16 Chicago Doughnuts.

Jordan 0:02:19 I went— when I went to Chicago, I loved Chicago.

Jack 0:02:22 There's a few that's come up. Go on. Stan's Doughnuts, Doughnut Vault, Dough Right Doughnuts, Firecake Doughnuts, Dat Doughnut.

Jordan 0:02:29 I think it's Stan's. I think. Anyway, you'll see a load of them. They're good.

William 0:02:33 Okay.

Jordan 0:02:34 What have you got for us then, please?

William 0:02:35 Last week, we discussed how much a coffee table can reveal about a person.

Jordan 0:02:38 Yes.

William 0:02:39 You were— in fact, you were very anti-coffee table books. Like, who comes round and reads a coffee table book?

Jordan 0:02:45 Well, they're just ornaments, aren't they? Books are there to be read.

William 0:02:48 Well, you can read coffee table books.

Jordan 0:02:50 They're more ornamental, aren't they?

William 0:02:52 They're, as I said, they are a way of telling the world who you are.

Jordan 0:02:56 Like ornaments?

William 0:02:58 A bit like ornaments.

Jordan 0:02:59 I don't see many. I bet you're a man who has ornaments, don't you?

William 0:03:02 Not like figurines and things. I'm not quite there.

Jordan 0:03:04 I'm not that old. You never see ornaments anymore.

William 0:03:06 Like Granny used to have.

Jordan 0:03:07 Oh, my grandma had loads. And she used to dust. When she dusted, it was a full military operation.

William 0:03:12 She was always dusting her knickknacks, wasn't she?

Jordan 0:03:15 It's always figurines and stuff, and like women in big long Dresses and stuff. You never see ornaments anymore. My mum used to have ornaments, but she probably doesn't now.

William 0:03:23 No. Yeah, they've gone out of fashion.

Jordan 0:03:26 Yeah, what happened to ornaments? Bring back ornaments, that's what I say. It's a great word, ornament. Did your mum ever say, you're neither a youth nor an ornament?

William 0:03:32 No. So, Jump Cut Jack has created a selection of coffee tables from the Sexton family. And now it's time to put our detective skills to the test and guess whose is whose. So, we need to match up these names to the coffee tables. The names of the candidates are Jonathan Bird and Smith, who I present the Luxury Podcast with.

Jordan 0:03:53 Uh-huh.

William 0:03:53 I think I have the burger. James Hansen.

Jordan 0:03:57 Whibbly, whippity, whippity, woo! LBCs, darling! Oh no.

William 0:04:00 No, rag on. Sarah Hansen.

Jordan 0:04:02 Hello, darlings! Hello. How are you, my darlings? It's been a while, you know. I've not been on the podcast for a while. I am currently in rehab. That is why.

William 0:04:12 Wendy North. I guess that's me. Oh God, what did she say? You're neither use nor ornament.

Jordan 0:04:19 Very good.

William 0:04:20 And EPB.

Speaker D 0:04:22 Hi guys.

William 0:04:23 Oh, him, yes. Executive producer.

Speaker D 0:04:24 Sorry, I'm all, yeah, um, Kat wants me to be more rad, so I'm down at Boomtown. Um, having a lovely time. I bought some new flip-flops, but they're not quite flipping or flopping how I was hoping. They're more flipping and there's not much flopping. Cheers, Ben. Thanks.

William 0:04:42 Table 1 has cards in a wooden box. Fred Elwell, RA, which means Royal Academy or Royal Academician. A Life in Art. The Many Faces of Jonathan Yeo.

Speaker D 0:04:55 Who's Jonathan Yeo when he's at home?

William 0:04:56 He was an artist, I believe.

Jordan 0:04:58 What did he draw?

William 0:05:00 So do we think that's Jonathan Vernon Smith, James Hansen, my mother, your mother, or executive producer Ben?

Jordan 0:05:05 I'm gonna say executive producer Ben on that one.

William 0:05:10 Okay. Well, let— I tell you what, let's not reveal the answers yet. Let's go through through all of the coffee tables, and we'll see if any of our answers change.

Jordan 0:05:18 Okay.

William 0:05:18 So we think table 1, Ben.

Jordan 0:05:20 Yeah.

William 0:05:21 Table 2, How to Win at Housework, The Bluffer's Guide to Etiquette, and The Pet Gundog Puppy. I mean, I absolutely know who that is.

Jordan 0:05:32 What's The Pet Gundog Puppy?

William 0:05:35 That's Jonathan Verne Smith.

Jordan 0:05:36 Is it?

William 0:05:36 Because also How to Win at Housework is one of the books that Hyacinth has on her bookshelf in the opening Does he have it? Well, I have it as well, so yes.

Jordan 0:05:43 Do you have all those books that she has? I do, yes. All the etiquette ones as well?

William 0:05:47 The Moira Bremner etiquette book, yep.

Jordan 0:05:49 Oh, do you have all of those books?

William 0:05:50 Age 18, I decided I would buy all of those books in the Keeping Up Appearances opening titles. I did, and I cannot find it, so please no one ask me to find it. My brother and I recreated the opening titles of Keeping Up Appearances.

Jordan 0:06:03 Oh my god, that would be brilliant.

William 0:06:05 With me dusting the books and then falling over. The only thing we didn't do was the caterpillar up the rose, because we couldn't find a caterpillar. But yeah, I wish I had that because I would be playing you that now.

Jordan 0:06:14 Your mum and dad's acting when you came out must have been—

William 0:06:18 I had come out by that point, actually.

Jordan 0:06:23 Oh god, I hope. Yeah. Oh god. Next one.

William 0:06:30 Table 3, Soho House magazine, The Illustrated World of Coco Chanel, and Abaton magazine. Abaton Magazine.

Jordan 0:06:39 Have you actually asked these people?

William 0:06:40 Yeah, these are actually what is on—

Jordan 0:06:41 So, have you asked my mum?

Jack 0:06:42 Yeah.

Jordan 0:06:43 When?

Jack 0:06:44 I've got her number.

William 0:06:45 We've all got Wendy's number. Abaton— oh, Abaton Magazine is an architecture magazine. Oh.

Jordan 0:06:55 Oh, I know whose this is. Oh, that's really sweet. That's my mum. That's Wendy North.

William 0:07:00 I think that is Wendy North.

Jordan 0:07:01 I— she bought that World of Coco Chanel, when she last come to London.

William 0:07:06 Of course she did.

Jordan 0:07:07 When she went, she went, she popped in Harrods and me dad were fuming because it cost about 50 quid.

William 0:07:11 Table 4.

Jordan 0:07:15 I just remembered, she come in, she's a miserable bastard. I went, why? She went, look, you'll appreciate this. And I went, oh, it's lovely. Me dad were there with your face on.

William 0:07:24 Um, table 4, Bond Cars: The Definitive History.

Jordan 0:07:28 Oh, Soho House magazine, you gave her that.

William 0:07:31 Okay.

Jordan 0:07:31 When you last took her.

William 0:07:32 There we go. There you are. Still got it. Table 4, Bond Cars: The Definitive History, James Bond Destinations, and Drax Enterprise Corporation Coaster. That is my brother.

Jordan 0:07:42 What's Drax Enterprise?

William 0:07:43 Drax Enterprise is the villain's— Hugo Drax in Moonraker. And they did a little— it's the villain, and he's got a coaster, common, of Drax Enterprise.

Jordan 0:07:53 James, I know you listen, but I'm sorry, but that is so fucking Partridge. James. Sorry, go on. It's the most Partridge thing I've ever, ever heard. He'll

William 0:08:09 be delighted to be compared

Jordan 0:08:11 to Alan Partridge.

William 0:08:14 We might have him on at some point, so you can tell him that to his face. We should have him on. Yeah. And table 5, I wonder whose table this is. Glastonbury, Lonely Planet Epic Runs of the World. Jesus. And Normal People. The scripts.

Jordan 0:08:29 Right, so that's Ben.

William 0:08:30 That's Ben.

Jordan 0:08:31 And then we're gonna go, table 1 is your mother.

William 0:08:33 So table 1 is my mother.

Jordan 0:08:34 The Many Faces of Jonathan Yeo.

William 0:08:37 Actually, to be fair, as I read it, I did think that sounded— I think I might have seen that on my mother's coffee table.

Jack 0:08:41 You 100% got it right. So maybe we made it a bit too easy for you.

William 0:08:46 Or we just know our friends and family quite well. Yes, we do.

Jordan 0:08:48 What's Aberton Magazine?

William 0:08:50 It's an architecture magazine. Is your mother into architecture?

Jordan 0:08:55 I think Wendy's—

William 0:08:56 Did she buy it thinking it was erections of another sort?

Jordan 0:08:58 I think she's, um,

Jack 0:09:04 I think she curated that, uh, response of books.

Jordan 0:09:07 I

William 0:09:07 think that's a curated copy.

Jordan 0:09:09 She's definitely got them, but she's missed a lot out there. She still goes mad at me now because, you know, when I worked—

William 0:09:14 Yeah, she hasn't mentioned Take a Break.

Jordan 0:09:16 Yeah, I was just gonna say, you know when I used to work at Rock FM?

William 0:09:18 Yeah.

Jordan 0:09:18 That was Bauer Radio.

William 0:09:20 Yeah.

Jordan 0:09:20 And Bauer own all the magazines like Heat, and I used to get all the free ones. and take them to her every week. You know, all the ones that come in the pack, you can get the multi-pack ones. So I used to get them, used to have them on the coffee table at work. So I know girls used to say, yeah, take them for your mum, George. She still says every time I say, oh, oh, I do miss you working for Rocket Femme and all those free magazines I got. I'm like, cheers, thanks. It's been about 15 years, but cheers. It's probably not been that long actually, 10 years?

William 0:09:47 No, you'll get back there one day.

Jordan 0:09:49 24. 20— oh no, yeah, 10 years ago I would've left.

William 0:09:54 Wow.

Jordan 0:09:54 No, that can't be right.

William 0:09:56 Let's not worry too much about it now. During the Sexed Capital barbecue at yours, Jordan, last week, there was a certain amount of friendly competition, shall we say, between the 2 camps— emphasis on camp— during a game of beer pong. You, Jordan, were the impartial referee, so you and I didn't get to have our own heated rivalry moment. Oh, what a shame. So, inspired by our mention of the classic TV show, Teseal& Pascoe…

Jordan 0:10:24 Oh yeah.

William 0:10:24 We're going to test our knowledge on '90s television theme tunes.

Jordan 0:10:27 Oh, I hope that's on there, 'cause I can't remember the theme tune for that, but—

William 0:10:30 No.

Jordan 0:10:30 This is my speciality, this.

William 0:10:33 Oh, you've set that bar very high.

Jordan 0:10:36 Oh, I'm gonna shit you at this.

William 0:10:37 Okay, we will hear a clip from a classic TV theme tune. I hope they're BBC. The first one to know the answer has to hit the bell in front of us. There we go. Pop it in the middle. Now, is that actual middle? Because if it's closer to you, you are at an unfair advantage. Best of 5. We will see who wins. Do you understand the rules?

Jordan 0:10:56 Yes, I understand the rules. Okay.

William 0:10:58 Here is the first clip.

Speaker E 0:11:01 This is the Evergreen Forest. Quiet, peaceful, serene.

Jordan 0:11:08 Jordan.

Speaker E 0:11:09 That is until Bert Raccoon— Is that

William 0:11:11 a TV— is that a YouTube ad?

Jordan 0:11:13 I was gonna say Land Before Time, but it's not. It's, um, the Snorks. The Snorkels. What are they called? The little raccoon thing.

Jack 0:11:21 It's The Raccoons.

Jordan 0:11:22 Yes, The Raccoons.

William 0:11:23 They were literally called The Raccoons? Yeah. Never heard of that programme in my life. Okay, well done. Point to Jordan. He got there eventually. Here's clip 2.

Jordan 0:11:30 Bastard!

William 0:11:34 That was me.

Jack 0:11:35 That was Willy.

William 0:11:35 Well, I'm going out on a hunch. Goosebumps.

Jack 0:11:40 Correct.

Jordan 0:11:41 Ah! Let's hear the full tune. Let's hear the full one. This was a little dog.

William 0:11:50 I'd never watched Goosebumps either.

Jordan 0:11:52 Never watched it? Did you never read them?

William 0:11:54 No, didn't read them.

Jordan 0:11:54 What?

William 0:11:55 I was too busy doing A Midsummer Night's Dream.

Jordan 0:11:57 They were better. That's the dog. That's great. Okay. Yeah, you missed the best bit. Beware, you're in for a scare. Right, if I lose this, I'll fucking live it.

William 0:12:11 One each. Here's clip 3. Don't push my hand away, little bitch.

Jordan 0:12:26 These are hard.

William 0:12:33 Jordan. Look. Quick!

Jordan 0:12:35 I was gonna say Rosie and Jim, but it's not.

William 0:12:38 That is not Rosie and Jim. I don't think Jordan's got it.

Jordan 0:12:41 Wait.

William 0:12:43 Brum.

Jordan 0:12:44 You didn't press the button.

William 0:12:46 Well, alright. Brum.

Jack 0:12:49 Brum.

Jordan 0:12:49 Oh, for fuuuuuck!

William 0:12:51 There we go. 2 to me, 1 to you. 2 chances to win now.

Jordan 0:12:56 Do you have any shows that working-class kids watched?

William 0:12:59 You got the raccoon. Goosebumps. You can't get more working class than Goosebumps.

Jordan 0:13:03 Don't bring class into this.

William 0:13:06 Oh, excuse me!

Jordan 0:13:07 That's typical you, that. Don't bring class into this. It's nothing to do with class. Right, come on.

William 0:13:13 Here's clip 4.

Jordan 0:13:15 Jordan, Round the Twist.

William 0:13:20 Correct. Oh, what was Round the Twist?

Jordan 0:13:22 Keep it on, keep it on. He never watched Round the Twist, little ginger boy.

William 0:13:28 No.

Jordan 0:13:28 Have you ever, ever felt like this? When strange things are happening, are you going around the twist? Have you ever, ever felt like this? Wait, another verse. Strange things happen, are you going around the twist? Have you heard the word about the jiggle and spider? It wiggled and jiggled and something inside her— oh, cut it, you're at the best bit.

William 0:13:55 Gay.

Jordan 0:13:55 Have you ever, ever felt like this? Right, 2-all. All to play for.

William 0:14:00 All to play for.

Jordan 0:14:01 Here we go. Turn it up, blast it up.

William 0:14:03 Here's clip 5. Puddington Peas.

Jordan 0:14:07 Bottom of the garden. Damn!

Jack 0:14:10 Correct.

Jordan 0:14:11 Fuck! Keep this song, turn it up.

William 0:14:14 A lot of little people, they call them Puddington Peas.

Jordan 0:14:19 Fuck!

William 0:14:19 The Puddington Peas.

Jordan 0:14:21 Bastard! Sorry. We should do another round of that. Alright.

William 0:14:27 What, for you to lose again?

Jordan 0:14:28 Alright.

Jordan 0:16:28 Welcome back, Gene Demers. Sorry, my tism. A

William 0:16:35 little John McEnroe moment here.

Jordan 0:16:36 My tism was showing there. I do apologise for— my unruly behaviour. I wanna play that again now until I win. I'm like one of those children. We'll

William 0:16:45 be here till Christmas.

Jordan 0:16:46 Right, let's go to the responses. What have we got then, please?

William 0:16:49 Anonymous has found the perfect response to the dreaded, so when are you settling down? question for last week. Following the dilemma in Help, I've Grown a Moustache about being asked when you're having kids, I'm a single 34-year-old woman and a certain demographic— women over 55, I'm looking at you— seem to think it's okay to constantly ask why I've not settled down with someone. It doesn't seem to occur to them I may not want to. At a wedding last summer, I was asked so many times that I started responding with, I don't need another half. I'm a whole person by myself. And when I have an itch, I have a good friend who will scratch it for me, no strings attached.

Jordan 0:17:19 Go on, girl! Where'd you get your cow from? Nice one, girl. I took— Before you know.

William 0:17:24 I took immense pleasure in their shocked, horrified, and embarrassed reactions. So I'd encourage anyone in a similar position to try the same. It was a very enjoyable experience. I'd like to think it might even teach those people a lesson to butt out, although I doubt it.

Jordan 0:17:37 Well, good on you. Fair's fair's fair.

William 0:17:41 I remember a couple of years ago, I was— not long after Mikey and I got married, we were at some party or something, and again, broad range of people there from different age ranges. And someone, an older person, said— and I know they meant well, I should just point out, I know they meant well— and they went, oh, and they were asking how long we've been married, and they said, so, With like 2 men. I mean, how does it work when you get married? Who walks down the aisle first? Who's waiting at the altar?

Jordan 0:18:10 So now it's pretty—

William 0:18:12 I know, but it's just like, oh. And I can remember being a little bit terse at the time because it just ever so slightly irked me. And I just said, we both walk down together actually at the same time because a gay relationship is all about equality. And actually a lot of the traditions go back about 70 years. So they're not as old as some people think they are.

Jordan 0:18:30 Oh, really?

William 0:18:31 Thank you. I'm being given snaps by various people in the studio. Is that called snaps?

Jordan 0:18:36 Well, I think that was just an— was it a boy or a girl? A woman or a man? Girl. Yeah, it's just what an old woman would ask, innit?

William 0:18:42 Yeah.

Jordan 0:18:43 Could have been worse.

William 0:18:44 Oh no. Oh, trust me, it could have been worse.

Jordan 0:18:46 Who's the postman and who's the postbox? I've heard that before.

William 0:18:52 We're UPS. This is from Will, who has not only been cheating on the Capital Breakfast show, he's now been caught stealing from one of its presenters. I owe Jordan a pint if I ever see him in the pub. I shamelessly stole one of his cleaner jolly jokes this morning, and it helped me win a mini competition on the BBC Radio 2 Breakfast Show to make Elaine Page laugh. Dame Elaine Page, that is. So, Jordan, you're welcome. I would've listened to your breakfast show, but you didn't have Elaine Page on. So unfortunately, you lost me to Sarah. I hope you will understand. Here is said joke.

Speaker G 0:19:30 Will in Salford, I bought a dog from a blacksmith the other day. When I got it home, it made a bolt for the door. Yay! We got 'em! Hey, ping! Beautiful.

William 0:19:42 Now that is quality breakfast radio.

Jordan 0:19:45 I love Sarah. I won't— I won't hear a bad word said about Sarah.

William 0:19:48 It's nice to have A fun northerner on breakfast radio.

Jordan 0:19:54 I won't hear it. I love Sarah, and I make it no secret, I've got, like— she used to write little stuff down in her notes.

William 0:20:03 What, and you'd read her notes?

Jordan 0:20:04 I'll never forget.

William 0:20:05 You had a go at me for reading your notes.

Jordan 0:20:06 I'll never forget, she made me laugh once on radio. She was talking about healthy breakfast, and she went, I've just had a whisper and a Scotch egg. And it always made me laugh, which I've probably said on this podcast before, Nick.

William 0:20:17 I think I'll stick to Greg.

Jordan 0:20:17 So, fair play.

William 0:20:18 I'll give you that.

Jordan 0:20:20 Charming. I won't hear a bad word said about us, Greg, as well, to be fair. So try me, give me another present. I like them all, I genuinely do. Everyone thinks we're all rivals, we're actually not.

William 0:20:32 No.

Jordan 0:20:33 Chloe, um, from KISS, it's great at, uh, Sock Raid.

William 0:20:40 We all know it's about Graham Liver anyway.

Jordan 0:20:41 Oh, Graham Liver, Radio Lancashire. Yeah, great guy. Everyone thinks we're all rivals, we all know each other.

William 0:20:48 You can know each other and still be a rival.

Jordan 0:20:50 You can still be rivals, but we don't like— none of us hate each other.

William 0:20:54 No, no, life's too short. Anyway, Nars is saying wagwan from Trinidad, where one man has—

Jordan 0:21:01 Say that again, sorry?

William 0:21:01 Nars is saying wagwan from Trinidad. Nailed it. Where one man has taken it upon himself to become Sex's newest international ambassador.

Jordan 0:21:09 What does wagwan mean?

William 0:21:10 Hello.

Jordan 0:21:11 Does it?

William 0:21:12 What's going on, I believe.

Jordan 0:21:13 Oh, what's the craic?

William 0:21:14 Greetings from the Caribbean, as they say in America. Hey boys, this message is twofold. Firstly, I just wanted you guys to know that you have a huge following in Trinidad, largely influenced by my partner. He's been a one-man promotional tour of the Sex Ed pod to all our friends. Having gone to school in England, he's into all things UK, the humour, the etiquette, and of course the Yorkshire roast in Camden Market. He got me hooked on your pod, and now I can't imagine getting through my everyday routine without a current or back episode playing. It's his birthday on Friday the 14th of August, and I'd love it for you to give your one-man and marketing machine. Steven Look Tong in Trinidad, a big cheers with your G&Ds. Keep the jokes coming. Your other fan in Trinidad, Naz. Well, we're a bit late, but I hope you had a lovely birthday.

Jordan 0:21:56 We're a week late, and we don't have G&D on the Friday episode. So, happy birthday for a couple of weeks ago.

William 0:22:02 But we're raising something to you.

Jordan 0:22:03 Yes, we are. Happy birthday from the UK to Trinidad.

William 0:22:07 Yes.

Jordan 0:22:07 Beautiful, the Caribbean. Beautiful.

William 0:22:10 Amy has got in touch regarding our recent Disney villains conversation. Dear William Jordan and the wonderful Sexy Team, as a massive Disney fan, in particular Disneyland Paris—

Jordan 0:22:18 Can you read it out, this letter, as a fellow adult who likes Disney?

William 0:22:22 What does that mean?

Jordan 0:22:23 As a massive Disney fan, in particular Disneyland Paris, I was excited— it's a bit windy there, shouldn't it?

William 0:22:32 It is, yeah.

Jordan 0:22:32 Go on, carry on.

William 0:22:33 I was very excited to hear it being discussed on my favourite podcast this week. I feel the need to join in the discussion. In regards to the villain chat, unfortunately, Jordan, William is right, and Gaston is officially counted as the villain in Beauty and the Beast. I believe also social media agreed with me. However, in my opinion, the real villain is how disappointingly ugly the prince is after he turns back from the beast. I would take the beast any day, to be honest.

Jordan 0:22:56 Well, that's bestiality.

William 0:22:58 Yeah. In case you're wondering, my favourite villain is also Maleficent after the live-action remake they did, although honourable mentions go to Yzma, Emperor's New Groove. Never seen it. Who has? Captain Hook, and Mother Gothel.

Jordan 0:23:11 Oh, Captain Hook's a good one.

William 0:23:13 Yes. Mother Gothel from which film? Think about your hair. Think about your hair. Tangled. Thank you for taking the time to listen to me.

Jordan 0:23:24 I'm not ginger.

William 0:23:25 Neither was Rapunzel. That's brave.

Jordan 0:23:30 Who's the Scottish one?

William 0:23:31 That's Merida. Tangled is Rapunzel.

Jordan 0:23:35 I never really thought I was into Disney. No,

William 0:23:38 clearly not.

Jordan 0:23:38 Sauron would be my favourite villain.

William 0:23:41 Zurg. Zorg. Zorg.

Jordan 0:23:42 Zorg.

William 0:23:43 From Toy Story 2.

Jordan 0:23:45 But he's in all of them. I'm trying to think of someone else. Is he?

William 0:23:47 I don't think Zurg is.

Jordan 0:23:48 He gets a mention in most of them. Anyway, go on.

William 0:23:50 Anyway, thank you for taking the time to listen to me geeking out over Disney. I vote that more Disney chat should be included in the podcast. I don't need to be asked twice. P.S., I need to address the biggest ick from William over this whole thing. I can't stand when people say Disney Paris. It's Disneyland Paris, William. Please correct this in future. Thanks in advance. Ah! Jordan's giving me a very un-Disneyland Paris gesture. It's

Jordan 0:24:15 the best thing. You know when someone— you know when you've lost an argument when you do this gesture, when you go—

William 0:24:20 What? You stick your teeth out?

Jordan 0:24:22 Yeah.

William 0:24:22 Right. Okay.

Jordan 0:24:24 This is Disneyland Paris.

William 0:24:25 Okay. It used to be called Euro Disney.

Jordan 0:24:27 Did it? Yeah, it did.

William 0:24:29 But then that didn't stick.

Jordan 0:24:30 Disneyland Paris. There's Disneyland and Disney World in America.

William 0:24:32 Yeah, and some people say there is a difference because It's Disneyland because it's got LA in it, because it's in LA, and Disney World because it has OR and it's in Orlando. But that's not why it's called that.

Jordan 0:24:43 I went to Disney World then.

William 0:24:44 You did? Yes, with the— was it Make-A-Wish Foundation? No, I know what it was. What was it called?

Jordan 0:24:51 Very grateful. I think it was When You Wish Upon a Star.

William 0:24:54 When You Wish Upon a Star, that's the one. Very Disney, very related. And things have been getting ugly in the Audio Always office. We should just say Audio Always is Chairman Emeritus Stewart's company, who produce this podcast and many others. This week, as a great debate has been sparked regarding our corner shop chat. Hey guys, after Jordan's big-up the corner shop chat, it sparked a surprisingly heated debate in the Audio Always office about what actually constitutes a corner shop. I think we can all agree that a Sainsbury's Local or Tesco Express is not a corner shop.

Jordan 0:25:26 Completely agree.

William 0:25:27 It's simply supermarkets that have been shrunk down and put on a diet. But what about branded Premier shops? Any idea?

Jordan 0:25:35 Yeah, I think we can class them as corner shops. It's huge. They're like everything stores. They've got everything in them. I would class a Premier and some Londises as them as well. Because technically my one's a Londis, but it's just one bloke. Boss man. Nicest fella. And he must work 18-hour days, Monday to Sunday. Proper, proper good bloke. Backbone of this country.

William 0:26:00 Is a newsagent a corner shop? If not, what exactly is the difference? What happens if the shop isn't actually on a corner?

Jordan 0:26:06 I mean, mine is on a corner, to be fair.

William 0:26:08 Is it the name, the contents, the size, the location, or just a certain vibe that makes a corner shop a corner shop?

Jordan 0:26:13 It's a vibe. It's a vibe.

William 0:26:14 Please settle this extremely important debate for us. Lots of love, Team Audio All Slays. Gosh, well, you can tell it's August and most things are off, can't you? They've got nothing else to talk about in the office.

Jordan 0:26:25 I think it's the vibe, but usually it's like independent ones. Some of them have really punny names, uh, but you— ours is technically a Londis, but I just call it the Everything Store. The only thing in the year that I've moved there, the only thing they've not had once was the Eclipse glasses. That's, you know, that's so—

William 0:26:48 Can I just say how boring that was?

Jordan 0:26:50 No, I

William 0:26:53 There's another one next year.

Jordan 0:26:54 Can I just say, it's the only time where I wish I didn't have the moustache, because I was in the park and there was this lad, right? Let me explain. And, and there was— look, and he had the glasses with his girlfriend. I assumed it was girlfriend. And there are loads of people around him and he was sharing the glasses and everyone was going, oh my God, that's amazing. So I kind of like shuffled up next to him, hoping he'd spot me and go, do you want to have a go? But he just—

William 0:27:19 with the glasses.

Jordan 0:27:19 But I was just stood there and he didn't say hello for about 5, 10 minutes.

William 0:27:23 What's that got to do with your moustache?

Jordan 0:27:25 Well, I just think the moustache looked a bit pervy. A bloke in a park on his own, trench coat at the time as well. So, um, a corner shop's a vibe and it's usually a bloke. And when you go in, says, yes boss, and you for some reason go, yes boss. And he'll say— he said to me other day, little cheeky get he was, he said, I've got those Reese's chocolates you like. I went, go on then, I'll have some. They went out of date 2 days later, but fair play.

William 0:27:50 You must have eaten them when you bought them.

Jordan 0:27:53 Fair play.

William 0:27:54 Well, I hope that gives you all something to talk about in the office. Obviously a lot going on.

Jordan 0:28:00 Yes, boss.

William 0:28:00 I don't think I've ever considered it.

Jordan 0:28:03 They see you at your worst and best, those guys. See you when you're going in a tuxedo maybe, and a suit before a wedding, getting some bits, a bottle of water and chewing gum for the train, and they'll see you Uh, a Saturday night going in for a vape and a freaking Buzzball,

William 0:28:20 which we don't endorse.

Jordan 0:28:22 Cherry fizz and a Buzzball, don't judge. It's been a hard week. Go on then, I'll get a bottle of wine as well. Have you got any anniversary cards? Right, let's finish with our comment of the week. This could be a comment from Spotify, YouTube, or any of our socials. So what have we got, please, William?

William 0:28:41 Firstly, Sophia Carpate. Carpate-pate. Carpate-pate. On Spotify said, Sophia, the bisexual who confirmed peanut butter was a great analogy. Is it a good description? Yes. But Jordan, you need to move on now. It was good, but it wasn't groundbreaking.

Jordan 0:28:57 Sorry, I don't bring it up. I'm just— All I'm saying, Sophia Carpate, that is— I've just had many from the bisexual community message me about it. That is all. And as far as analogies go, I think it was the best. I'm happy to move on. Also, people going, you're always going on about getting up, right? This is another thing. I just wanna put this on the record. I haven't mentioned what time I get up for ages. Go back, listen, I reckon it's a good year. So just saying.

William 0:29:34 Auntie Bev's White Claw on YouTube. Said, can we have a new segment called Ben's Sarcastic Comment of the Week?

Jordan 0:29:42 No.

William 0:29:43 No. But our comment of the week goes to Andy Painter on TikTok, who said, is Jordan auditioning to be a character in the game of Guess Who? Lol. With regards to your moustache.

Jordan 0:29:54 Give us some glasses. That'd be good. Give us your glasses. Where's your glasses?

William 0:29:57 I don't have any.

Jordan 0:29:58 If I had some glasses on with this, I would look like a character from Guess Who? with a shoulder up. I've never played Guess Who?

William 0:30:03 Oh, I used to love Guess Who?

Jordan 0:30:05 I've never played it.

William 0:30:06 It's a good game, good game.

Jordan 0:30:07 I wonder how you played it.

William 0:30:08 Um, lovely.

Jordan 0:30:10 Right, remember you can listen to new episodes every Tuesday and Friday and 24 hours before anywhere else on Global Play. Also, if you want to get in touch about something that isn't a dilemma or problem, drop into our DMs or send us an email. We're help@sexandmyboss.com. We love hearing back from the people we offer advice to. So if that's you, get back in touch and we will see you on Tuesday. Goodbye.

William 0:30:29 Goodbye.