Shoe Shopping and Beef at the Gym

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:01:55 That's O-L-I-V-E Hello and welcome to The Luxury Podcast. My name's Jonathan Vernon-Smith, and with me is William Hanson. This is the podcast that helps you live a more luxury life.

William Hanson 0:02:24 Hello, Jonathan and I are here to help you create the everyday moments of luxury that make life worth living, whatever your budget.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:29 So, welcome to another bonus episode of The Luxury Podcast, where William and I will trade some tips and some stories from our own luxury lifestyles, as well as delving into our lovely, great big mail sacks. So, William, how's your week been?

William Hanson 0:02:43 Well, had a bit of an altercation at the gym.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:45 What happened?

William Hanson 0:02:46 Because I've come straight— you've obviously noticed I've come straight from the gym.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:02:50 Looking buff.

William Hanson 0:02:51 Thank you. In my shirt. So, just for some context, in the gym, I only go to the gym to see my personal trainer, Jack It Up Joel.

William Hanson 0:03:01 And I only go once a week, and sometimes I don't go certain weeks, so it's sporadic. But, you know, I've been going to that gym for quite some time, and there is a private training room that they have for PT. It's behind a sheer curtain, so it's more of a private training section, and I always go and wait in there. I warm up. Sometimes he's 5 minutes late or something, so, you know, I just carry— I'd start the warm-up.

William Hanson 0:03:24 It's the same warm-up every time, so I can do that on my own.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:03:26 Do some stretches, do you?

William Hanson 0:03:28 Yeah, stretch, lunge, rotate the hips, that sort of thing. Leg kicks, that sort of thing. I'm aware of it.

William Hanson 0:03:35 And sometimes, rarely, but sometimes there's another session going on or finishing up, etc., with another trainer, with another client. But, you know, you could probably have 2 or 3 sessions going on in there. It's a spacious, it's a capacious room. Anyway, so I turn up a couple, 2 minutes early. Can't see Joel, so I go into the thing.

William Hanson 0:03:56 There's a session going on with a new trainer I haven't seen before. And a client. Now, for context, the equivalent gym in Shoreditch— I go to one not far from where we record— the equivalent gym in Shoreditch is closed for refurbishment at the moment. So, there's a lot of Shoreditch people, both trainers and clientele, in our gym. It's a bit busier than usual.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:16 They're a different type of people as well from Shoreditch, aren't they?

William Hanson 0:04:19 Let me tell you, yes. Anyway, so I go and I go, oh, and they look at me, It's like I've walked in and I'm— I've sort of walked in on something, you know, that I'm not meant to be walking in on. She was only doing some sort of pull-up thing. I went, oh, hi, is Joel around? And they went, no. I went, okay, I'll just wait here for him. And I sort of take to one side, go in front of another mirror, start doing all my stretches and whatever. And then they leave.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:46 While they're in the room doing their bit?

William Hanson 0:04:48 Well, the other side of the room.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:50 How big is this room?

William Hanson 0:04:52 Bigger than the area we're in now.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:54 Right. So they're doing— they've not finished yet.

William Hanson 0:04:57 On one piece of equipment.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:04:58 And you suddenly—

William Hanson 0:04:59 But there's loads of equipment around the room.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:01 Right. So you suddenly arrive in the space they're in, the private room.

William Hanson 0:05:05 Yeah, but it's not— it's only for private training, private PT. So if you've got a PT, you would be in this room. I have done sessions—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:12 With other people?

William Hanson 0:05:12 With other people.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:13 Oh, I see. So you can have multiple people all being trained.

William Hanson 0:05:15 Yes, it's just not the rest of the gym that don't have PTs. Right. It's just for those that have PTs.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:19 Oh, okay. So it's not as if they would've hired it for an hour. No. And you're then encroaching on their hour doing your funny stretches?

William Hanson 0:05:25 Absolutely not, no. Because I have done multiple sessions with other people in the room.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:28 Okay.

William Hanson 0:05:29 So I just take myself off in front of a mirror. I literally— I'm just doing this, and they literally come right over to— yeah, rotating the shoulders. And literally, that's all I was doing.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:38 There you are, getting it all loose.

William Hanson 0:05:40 Yep, exactly.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:41 That feels good, doesn't it? It does feel good.

William Hanson 0:05:43 Yes, you should come with me. And they come right over to my bit and go, sorry, mate, you need to go. Get out. You need to wait for Joel in reception.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:51 He said, get out?

William Hanson 0:05:53 He literally said, get out. I was so cross.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:05:55 Oh my goodness.

William Hanson 0:05:56 And I sort of turned to the woman, who was a middle-aged woman, as if to go, are you hearing this? And she was looking at me like, yeah, get out.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:04 Really?

William Hanson 0:06:05 And I said, no, no. I said, I come here every week, and I wait in this room for Joel. That is what happens. He went, get out. You need to go to reception.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:14 Oh!

William Hanson 0:06:16 I went, well, I will go to reception. So I did. And there was Joel. I said, Joel, I'll be one minute.

William Hanson 0:06:23 Joel was actually on a call. He was sort of standing in the corner. And I asked to speak to the manager. I said, could I have a private word, please? So he finished doing what he was doing, and I took him to one side.

William Hanson 0:06:32 And I said, is that person a Shoreditch person? And he was. I said, as you know, I said, I have come here for about 2 years. And I have this session, I always go and wait in the room unless I happen to see Joel on the way in, and we walk in together. I said, I don't want to be spoken to like that, thank you very much.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:50 That is so rude.

William Hanson 0:06:52 So then other person, we'll call him Nate. It's not his name.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:57 Nate.

William Hanson 0:06:58 Halfway through my session—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:06:59 Generic PT name.

William Hanson 0:07:00 Yep. Halfway through my session with Joel, came up to me and went, oh yeah, sorry about that. What, like, it was like a class? I went, well, I said, it doesn't really matter what it was. I said, I shouldn't have been spoken to like that. I was doing nothing wrong because I pay for that room too and for that private session. And I said, are you a Shoreditch person? And he said, yes. I said, yeah, I appreciate it. And at Shoreditch, they don't have a private room. We do in the centre of London. So yeah. Anyway, he said, I'm really sorry. He said, what's your name? I said, William.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:33 Did you say, I'm William Hanson? No, I just said— Britain's leading etiquette consultant.

William Hanson 0:07:38 No, I said, William. And I am in two minds. Do I follow up in writing? He did say sorry, and I do mean— I do— I can see that he meant it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:45 Did he?

William Hanson 0:07:46 Even though he was like, oh no, yes, no, he then he doubled it. This is why I want to write. He's like, yeah, she wasn't really very happy with you being there. She hardly said a word. I don't think it had—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:07:55 You did say earlier that she was there like Peggy Mitchell and Pat Butcher, sizing you up.

William Hanson 0:08:00 But I'd like— well, she didn't say a word. And like, well, it doesn't really matter whether she's not happy or not, because I'm on the same status as her because we're both doing PT. So, like, and I think she, while she may not have loved it, because let's be honest, I'd much rather have the PT room on my own, I get it, but there's not a lot you can do. I think he was slightly— he's probably— what he said to his manager is, oh, the client was kicking off. They did not. I heard their entire conversation. She did not say anything to him.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:28 Right.

William Hanson 0:08:28 I think she's—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:29 Were you— did you suitably chastise him? And was his lip slightly trembling? when he spoke to you?

William Hanson 0:08:35 Not as trembling as I would've had it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:37 Right.

William Hanson 0:08:38 Which is why I think I need to follow up in writing and just go, I appreciate I have been apologised to directly and in person by Nate, but for future, Nate needs to be reminded of the protocol.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:08:49 Yeah. Because I think I would've liked you to have said, I understand there may well have been some kind of breakdown in communication and you didn't realize—

William Hanson 0:08:58 You see, this is why I need you permanently by my side.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:01 You didn't realise that I had every right to be in that room.

William Hanson 0:09:05 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:05 But don't you ever, ever speak to somebody like you spoke to me earlier. That was absolutely outrageous. And I'm glad you are sorry. Don't you ever speak to me or anyone else like that again.

William Hanson 0:09:19 I wish I could go back.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:20 And then you just walk out.

William Hanson 0:09:22 You see, this is why we all need to be a bit more Jonathan Vernon Smith.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:29 Well, how dare he? I mean—

William Hanson 0:09:31 I was so cross. It's like, okay, and look, even if I wasn't meant to be in that room for whatever reason, You don't turn around to someone and go, get out.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:40 That is so rude. It was so rude.

William Hanson 0:09:42 Yeah. And this is why I like Joel, because Joel is soft. He's a nice PT. There are lots of nice PTs, but this other PT, Nate, looks like, you know—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:52 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:09:53 Looks like he— Full of—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:09:54 he was probably full of 'roids.

William Hanson 0:09:56 Yes, he actually probably was.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:00 Yeah, probably.

William Hanson 0:10:01 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:01 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:10:02 And so, and he was just so aggressive. Look, no, we get— we are in a luxury gym.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:07 You said your piece. Um, I don't think there's any point in, uh, writing or building it up anymore. You said your piece. He obviously apologised to you. Um, I would have liked you to have gone for him a bit, had him by the throat verbally, not physically, because I sense he would have battered you to death. But yeah. But verbally had him by the throat.

William Hanson 0:10:30 I did, however, have a very good workout off the back of that.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:33 Did you?

William Hanson 0:10:33 'Cause I think— this was before he got the phone call. Adrenaline, you were all pumped up watching. Yeah, I was so pumped up. Yeah, yeah. So there is maybe something in that.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:40 Yeah. Well, that is absolutely disgusting news.

William Hanson 0:10:44 I really was cross.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:10:45 Yeah, I'm not surprised. If any— if some— I can't even imagine if somebody told me to get out. If somebody told me to get out. I don't think I'd be able to control myself. No.

William Hanson 0:11:02 No.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:02 No. I think I would've lost my membership that day.

William Hanson 0:11:04 Yes, I think you would've done.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:07 Yeah. You know how Jeffrey Dahmer was killed? With a dumbbell. I think old Nate would've had a good clubbing.

William Hanson 0:11:21 Anyway, everyone speaking to you nicely? Everything alright with you?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:25 Everything's been fine, yeah. No bad moments. So I went for my— you know, I went for my luxury fitting at Cordings at the beginning.

William Hanson 0:11:31 Yes, for Our Luxury Life.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:33 And my outfit arrived. Beautiful. I needed to make a small adjustment to the trousers.

William Hanson 0:11:40 Okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:40 Yes. So, I went to my luxury tailor, Ozzy.

William Hanson 0:11:45 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:45 As you know, Cutadash and Hemmel. Oh my word, Ozzy is so— he's so lovely. He is lovely. I've met him. Oh, please say hello. Yes. And—

William Hanson 0:11:54 Didn't you give me a pocket square?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:11:56 He gave— no, he gave you a face mask and a— That was it, yes.

William Hanson 0:12:00 Lovely.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:01 It was during COVID It was, yes. And he had some beautifully tailored, uh, face masks.

William Hanson 0:12:07 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:07 And he insisted you had one. I seem to remember it was a tweedy one. It was.

William Hanson 0:12:11 I think I've probably still got it. Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:13 Um, and he thought that was very you. But yeah, oh my word, he was so lovely. And he did my trousers, and they look absolutely stunning. It looks so stunning.

William Hanson 0:12:23 Well, we all can't wait to see you.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:25 Well, I— yes, I mean, I'm not quite sure how you and I are going to blend.

William Hanson 0:12:29 Well, I have then sort of decided—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:31 What?

William Hanson 0:12:31 Why should I change my outfit? No, no, no, no, because— because— No, no, no, you shouldn't. Because of what you said, because you are country luxury and I'm going to be city luxury. And I think that works quite nicely. We're 2 different propositions. Although we are very similar.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:49 But my worry is the level of formality is very different.

William Hanson 0:12:53 I'm putting a tie on.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:12:55 You're wearing a tie with a jumper?

William Hanson 0:12:58 But it's like a V-neck button thingy.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:01 Oh.

William Hanson 0:13:02 Yeah. So, I'm smartening it up. So, you're having a tie? Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:06 And will you do anything else to look smart?

William Hanson 0:13:08 Some nice sort of smart black trousers.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:09 Right.

William Hanson 0:13:10 And I've got handmade python shoes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:13 Handmade python shoes?

William Hanson 0:13:15 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:15 Oh my God.

William Hanson 0:13:16 I wore them for the Sexton show.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:18 You're turning into Peter Stringfellow. I mean, python shoes? They're very nice. Right.

William Hanson 0:13:24 The python was obviously ethically killed. It was just, it found itself dead, I'm told.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:29 Oh, I don't care. Who cares about a python?

William Hanson 0:13:32 Well, lots of people. The python's family.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:34 Do they?

William Hanson 0:13:35 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:36 I might be going shoe shopping with Freddie.

William Hanson 0:13:40 Okay.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:40 On Saturday.

William Hanson 0:13:41 Oh, nice.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:42 Would you like to come? This Saturday? Yeah.

William Hanson 0:13:44 No, I'm going around the Queen's dresses in the King's Gallery.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:47 Oh. Freddie and I are going to Northamptonshire, maybe. In fact, I haven't confirmed this with him yet.

William Hanson 0:13:53 I think I've got Freddie's diary, and I'm not sure you are, but you may be.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:57 Well, when—

William Hanson 0:13:58 He'll clear everything for you.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:13:59 When he suggested it, it was at the end of the luxury soiree, the intergenerational.

William Hanson 0:14:04 'Cause it's the Halloween— at the time of recording, it's the Halloween party where I'm going in my big puffy blouse.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:08 Ah, is he going as well?

William Hanson 0:14:10 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:11 Right.

William Hanson 0:14:11 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:12 That's in the evening though.

William Hanson 0:14:13 Yeah, yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:13 Well, I'm out for dinner anyway, so I've got to be back.

William Hanson 0:14:15 That's fine, fine.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:16 But no, we're going to Northamptonshire.

William Hanson 0:14:17 Lovely. I would love to come, but I'm afraid I will be with another Queen on that particular occasion. Of course you will.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:23 Yes. Yeah. So, I'm going to get some nice English shoes. Lovely. Gotta have English shoes.

William Hanson 0:14:29 Of course.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:30 I mean, I'm wearing English shoes today, and I came walking into the studio, and producer Sadie thought I'd got high heels on.

Sadie 0:14:38 Clip-clopping in.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:38 All because of a quality heel.

William Hanson 0:14:40 Yes, a quality block heel.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:42 Made to and above British standards.

William Hanson 0:14:44 Talking of to and above British standards, your supplier of executive films for A Better Class of Window, Daniel, came around a few weeks ago and popped some film on my Veluxes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:55 Oh, lovely!

William Hanson 0:14:55 To just keep out some of the heat.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:14:57 That heat we're having now in this studio?

William Hanson 0:15:00 No, but you say that, but actually, I went in the other day and I thought, I just feel cooler in Yeah. Could be the weather. But I think it's the film.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:07 Right.

William Hanson 0:15:08 But when we get into— obviously before we get air-conditioned— air conditioning update.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:14 What?

William Hanson 0:15:15 You know I said my colleagues are getting air conditioning put in? They've been quoted. It's happening in the next couple of weeks. But they are Fujitsu.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:23 Right. Okay.

William Hanson 0:15:25 At a very expensive price.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:28 Expensive?

William Hanson 0:15:29 Very expensive.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:30 What, compared to Chiller Room Charlie and Cool It Down Pearls?

William Hanson 0:15:32 They're having fewer units, and a lesser model. I haven't broken this to them, and it's more expensive.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:37 Well, London, you see. Yeah.

William Hanson 0:15:39 So, I'm gonna—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:40 London premium.

William Hanson 0:15:41 I, on the basis it is not a heatwave, I'm going to hold out. If we get to February and we still haven't had anything, I mean, I think I might need to rethink.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:51 Yes.

William Hanson 0:15:52 But yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:15:53 I would. Well, there we go. So, your film, you're happy with?

William Hanson 0:15:57 Very happy. He did a very good service. Again, he said to me, he said, I know when it's a friend of Jonathan's, I've got to do an A1 job. I said, I think you're meant to be doing an A1 job for everybody, Daniel.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:16:07 Is that what he said? Yep. Oh, hilarious.

William Hanson 0:16:13 Yeah, but he was great. He was very, very, very efficient. Did it in an hour, less than an hour.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:16:19 Lovely.

William Hanson 0:16:21 Went.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:16:21 Very nice too.

William Hanson 0:16:22 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:16:22 Have you had your alarm serviced yet?

William Hanson 0:16:24 Tomorrow.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:16:25 Tomorrow?

William Hanson 0:16:26 And my app doesn't work properly, but anyway, they'll sort that out tomorrow. Well, you need to get that sorted tomorrow. Yeah, that's happening tomorrow.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:16:31 Lovely. Do you know who's coming?

William Hanson 0:16:33 No.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:16:33 Which of your engineers?

William Hanson 0:16:35 No, because our executive engineer, Gary, has gone on to a different alarm system.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:16:40 He's gone elsewhere.

William Hanson 0:16:41 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:16:41 But his son's still working there.

William Hanson 0:16:43 Oh, is he? Yes, he's still there. Kieran?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:16:45 Kieran, yes, he's still there. Yes, okay. So it might be Kieran coming tomorrow, who knows?

William Hanson 0:16:49 True. I guess I could see it from Gary's point of view. When you've put in such a sophisticated system for a better class of house as ours, what's the point?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:16:58 Kieran's very good. He attended to my back box. Why can I not say anything to you?

William Hanson 0:17:13 Come on. What was wrong with your back box?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:17:18 My flash had gone. Oh my God. We didn't mention the fact that the intergenerational—

William Hanson 0:17:27 Oh my God.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:17:28 The intergenerational—

William Hanson 0:17:30 You gave a tour of your duplex shed. Where—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:17:35 I forgot about that! The rats-infested shed. Yes, they had me giving a tour of the shed.

William Hanson 0:17:41 Where you turned off the alarm. I mean, all you've got in there is dog food, and you've got an alarm on the thing.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:17:46 And an Atco.

William Hanson 0:17:49 That's a lawnmower.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:17:50 I mean, Freddie was more impressed with my Atco than you. That's a very executive British lawnmower.

William Hanson 0:17:57 I sort of stood on the threshold. Did you notice I didn't actually come in? Yeah, I did notice you didn't come in.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:18:02 Yeah, absolutely. But yes, I did have to turn the alarm off. Yeah, because my shed is alarmed. All of my property's alarmed. And then we were in the house, and I can't remember who suggested— It was after dinner. Was it you?

William Hanson 0:18:12 No, I think—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:18:14 Who suggested it?

William Hanson 0:18:14 I can't remember, but I was the one who then said, Jonathan, the group would like a demonstration of the Master Blaster.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:18:20 The Master Blaster. So, I then had to go and activate my Master Blaster. I mean, God knows what time was it I set that off. I mean, I'd had a good— 10:30. 10:30. Oh my God, my poor neighbours. I didn't realise.

William Hanson 0:18:38 Everyone was running around. It was— everyone was so butch. Everyone was running around going, ah! Before it had even started. Did you notice everyone was skipping around?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:18:49 Yeah. Yeah. It was loud, wasn't it?

William Hanson 0:18:52 It was loud. It blasted us.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:18:54 It certainly— it master blasted you all.

William Hanson 0:18:57 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:18:57 Yeah. What a funny luxury soiree that was. I mean, who goes to a house and ends up with a demonstration of their Master Blaster burglar alarm system?

William Hanson 0:19:06 After they've been blasted with a bespoke jingle.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:10 Exactly. Oh, well, I'm pleased you're being serviced.

William Hanson 0:19:16 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:16 Good. You've got to keep it top-notch.

William Hanson 0:19:19 Twice a year.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:19:20 Oh yeah, I know. It's going to cost you, isn't it?

William Hanson 0:19:23 Yep.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:21:26 Welcome back, Bucketheads. We're going to read your questions now, so let's dive into our heaving bags of post. If there's something on your mind that needs a luxury touch, postman@luxurypodcast.co.uk is the place for your queries and your questions. Also, a reminder, you can watch these episodes on Patreon if you join our Luxury Members Club. Just head over to luxurypodcast.co.uk to join.

William Hanson 0:22:04 This first one is from Jay. It starts, hello darlings, I'm a very well-spoken gentleman and well-mannered too. However, something I do that may be considered poor etiquette is how I hold my knife and fork. I hold my fork in my right hand and my Oh, all the best people do. If I were to use them the correct way, it would cause a tremendous mess while trying to eat the simplest of things.

William Hanson 0:22:25 My general attitude towards this is I just don't care. However, if I were to eat at a lovely dinner party with gentlemen such as yourself, would you point this out and correct me, or log it and think how crass of me once the evening was over? Love the podcast. Lord J.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:38 No, because I eat exactly the same way, Lord J. I eat The wrong way round. I am right-handed for everything.

William Hanson 0:22:47 There's an insight we didn't need.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:22:52 But not eating. Eating, I am left-handed. Always have been. And we used to have battles when I was a child, battles at the table. As my mother would insist that I had to hold the knife and fork for me the wrong way round.

William Hanson 0:23:16 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:23:17 And I'd have to try and eat. Have you ever tried to eat the wrong way round?

William Hanson 0:23:21 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:23:21 And it's— you feel completely cack-handed. Yeah. And you just— and I was trying to— and it went on and on. And in the end, my mother gave up. She said, this is just obviously not natural to you.

William Hanson 0:23:33 No.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:23:33 So she allowed me to eat the, the wrong way round.

William Hanson 0:23:35 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:23:36 Um, and so I eat the wrong way around.

William Hanson 0:23:39 And generally, that is absolutely fine for you, for Jay, for whomever. Um, and when I do my etiquette videos, or when I wrote Just Good Manners, I'd— look, if we were like 40 years ago or even before that, my grandmother, who gave me the etiquette book, she was left-handed but was told that she had to write with the right hand, eat sort of fork in the left, knife in the right.

William Hanson 0:23:59 It's fine. It's literally not a problem as long as you still hold them sort of fingers going down the sort of the the cutlery, then, and you hold them in the correct way, doesn't matter which hand. So, I now talk about, you hold your fork in your dominant hand. Now, it's slightly different from you because your dominant hand is whatever, but for most people, yeah, your dominant hand—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:24:19 It's my right.

William Hanson 0:24:20 Your right hand, as we now all learn. But yeah, fork in the dominant hand, knife in your non-dominant hand, and you just adapt accordingly. It's absolutely not a problem. And so, every piece of writing that we do at The English Manor or teaching, or online or my books, we just— we don't talk about fork in left, knife in right. We just talk about dominant and non-dominant.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:24:40 But you're right in terms of at least still holding it nicely.

William Hanson 0:24:44 Yes. So, your finger should go on the fork, should stop just before the bridge of the fork, with the palm of the hand— palm of your hand holding the handle. I hate it when you see the sort of the end of the handle sticking out. And for your knife, your index finger stops just in the sort of the notch just before the blade starts, where the blade and the handle meet. Again, the handle tucked into the palm of your hand.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:25:05 But Some people have absolutely no idea how to hold a knife and fork.

William Hanson 0:25:09 Nope. Well, I, at the start of my career, almost 20 years ago, I would spend forever talking about people that hold knives like pens. That is the least of my worries now.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:25:20 I'd rather someone held it like a pen.

William Hanson 0:25:22 People hold it like— well, like, I don't know what they're doing. I know.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:25:25 And it's— but have you also noticed that— and this is a real message to everyone out there. I mean, if you are not great at how you hold your knife and fork, You're making life very difficult for yourself. Just, just get a grip of yourself and sort it out.

William Hanson 0:25:40 Get a grip of the knife and fork.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:25:41 Because it's not, it's not nice. It really isn't. But the thing that I find bizarre, I have sat with, uh, people, adults who are eating nicely.

William Hanson 0:25:52 Yeah.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:25:53 And their children who are eating like cavemen or cave children, and the parents aren't correcting them. And you kind of think, what? Someone— your parents have obviously taught you to hold the knife and fork nicely. Why aren't you passing that on to your children? Do you want your children when they're adults, you know, out for a business lunch or something, to be stabbing the food?

William Hanson 0:26:17 Yep.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:18 I mean, it's absolutely outrageous. So for goodness sake, at least teach your children how to eat properly.

William Hanson 0:26:25 Well, it's because a lot of parents don't want to parent, which is an interesting approach when having children.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:29 It's absolutely—

William Hanson 0:26:30 He says as a childless Homosexual.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:31 No, well, yes, but look, it's just, it's basic stuff, isn't it?

William Hanson 0:26:36 It is basic stuff.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:37 Just, I know it takes a bit of effort with your children, but just get them to hold the knife and fork in a reasonably nice way. I mean, obviously you, you hold it perfectly, but it's reasonably nice, not ugly.

William Hanson 0:26:50 No.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:26:51 Ugly kind of Neanderthal-type eating.

William Hanson 0:26:53 And when you hold it sort of badly, that's when you do have things flying off, and, and it's, it must, it must really hurt.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:27:00 But have you ever been at a meal with someone where they are literally kind of just like holding the knife and fork in a way that—

William Hanson 0:27:08 I've seen it in restaurants. I've never seen my friends do it.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:27:12 I have been for dinner and sat there and thought, oh my God. And it's embarrassing to be at the table as they're kind of hacking away at their food like this, and you're thinking, oh my God, you've only got sausage and mash? Kate has been in touch.

William Hanson 0:27:33 Good.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:27:34 Says, hello William and JVS, I'd like to thank you for your weekly podcasts which bring an element of luxury to my life, and I'm in urgent need of your advice. I'm lucky enough to have some solo travel upcoming, which is a fantastic reprieve from career life and parenting 3 children. What is your advice for dining out in solo situations? I don't want to sit there on my phone to avoid looking awkward or lonely. So, what presents as luxury while also giving you the feeling of relaxing and being present in the moment? Thank you so much, Kate.

William Hanson 0:28:09 Um, a book.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:28:12 Yeah, a book or a periodical, magazine, newspaper.

William Hanson 0:28:15 Although, at the end of the day, I guess, you know, the news might have changed, so—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:28:18 You have to have something. You can't just sit there, can you, looking at other people?

William Hanson 0:28:22 Because that does look a bit odd.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:28:26 You can't do that.

William Hanson 0:28:27 No.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:28:28 So, I would say a phone is better than that. I know it's not ideal to be sitting there on your phone, but if I was out on my own having a meal, I wouldn't just kind of sit there looking around. Hi! You can't, because you'll make other people feel uncomfortable.

William Hanson 0:28:47 You will, yes. I think a book is fine if the light— I mean, that's what I have I eat on my own a lot in restaurants if I'm travelling or whatever, but if it's quite a dim restaurant, it's then quite hard sometimes to read a book. So, I can see why people gravitate to their phones because it's backlit, or actually, I guess a Kindle or an e-reader is better for that because then you can see it whatever the lighting. But yeah, a book is fine, magazine, but phone— I guess the thing with the phone, I think it's all about how you are using the phone. I would say, look, try not to use your phone.

William Hanson 0:29:23 And it also depends on the type of restaurant. Are you in a high street restaurant? It's fine. Nobody cares. Or are you in quite a smart restaurant, in which case, don't.

William Hanson 0:29:34 But if you have your phone propped up and you've got clearly a newspaper or a news app and you're sort of flicking through, I think that— so, that is more acceptable than just like, sort of mindlessly with your tongue out texting people. Texting people looks— yeah. Using your phone to read the news, I think, is all right.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:29:53 Or at least pretend you're reading the news.

William Hanson 0:29:55 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:29:55 If you're reading, you know, the Argos website, that's fine.

William Hanson 0:29:59 Well, I think, but people can— if it's a dark restaurant, people can see what's on your phone unless you've got a screen.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:30:04 Yes, but if you swipe it in a kind of, I'm reading the Financial Times kind of way, yeah, they won't really be looking to see that in fact you're browsing the alarm clock radios.

William Hanson 0:30:13 Well, and actually, Kate, a message to you. Not everyone is probably looking at you.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:30:19 No.

William Hanson 0:30:20 You might think they are because you've got nothing to distract you, but they're not.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:30:23 They will if you sit there with nothing.

William Hanson 0:30:24 Yeah, staring. Jonathan is pulling the most weird face.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:30:29 Well, but there are some people, aren't there? Have you ever been Have you ever been anywhere on holiday where you've got the person who's there on their own? Don't be mean, Sadie. But they're there on their own, and they're looking to make friends. And you kind of— and you look over, and they're smiling at you because they want you to say, hello, all right. And then they say, do you mind if I come and join you? Have you never had that?

William Hanson 0:31:02 No, thank God.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:31:03 Oh, that's a problem.

William Hanson 0:31:05 I clearly don't look friendly enough. You do, bizarrely.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:31:08 Exactly.

William Hanson 0:31:10 This one is from Millie. Dear William and JVS, me and my mum—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:31:16 Oh, Millie, Millie, Millie.

William Hanson 0:31:19 My mum and I are coming to see you at Luxury Life in London. We're wondering what's the most luxury thing one can wear to such an executive event. Can you also give some advice on what is the most luxury way to handle a rowdy mother who is very excited to see you both? Lots of love, Millie from Swansea.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:31:34 Well, whatever you're wearing, whatever you're wearing, Millie, it can't be more executive than Jonathan's. Well, that's true. And in terms of Silicon Sean—

William Hanson 0:31:45 Oh, is Silicon Sean wearing something posh?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:31:48 So, Silicon Sean—

William Hanson 0:31:50 That's our plumber, for newer listeners.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:31:52 Yeah. So, he messaged me the other day to say that he has had a t-shirt printed saying, I'm Silicon Sean.

William Hanson 0:32:02 Is he doing his own meet and greets?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:32:04 Yes, he's very much hoping that any Bucketheads that recognise him will come over and take a business card.

William Hanson 0:32:13 Great. I hope he does some sort of Buckethead discount.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:32:18 Yeah, so should you see—

William Hanson 0:32:20 Have we got a picture of the t-shirt?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:32:22 No, he just said, I'll be wearing a silicone Shaun t-shirt, I'll drum up some business.

William Hanson 0:32:27 Well, Shaun, I like the entrepreneurial spirit.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:32:32 Exactly.

William Hanson 0:32:34 I think that's excellent.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:32:35 Whatever you're wearing, Millie, I shouldn't worry if I were you.

William Hanson 0:32:37 We could do adverts in the middle of the Luxury Life podcast for Silicon Shaun.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:32:41 Oh yeah.

William Hanson 0:32:42 And Chilly Room Charlie and Cool It Down Kev.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:32:44 Yes.

William Hanson 0:32:45 If you'd like air conditioning in the year 2032, give— Give Chilly Room Charlie in Crivillitown a call. Just wear whatever, Millie.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:33:06 Yeah. Yeah, don't worry. You're just—

William Hanson 0:33:09 No leggings. Should we say that?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:33:11 What? No leggings?

William Hanson 0:33:13 No bare leggings. You have to wear a skirt or trousers or something. You can't just wear leggings. Well, it is November, William.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:33:21 In London, it's going to be chilly. Yeah, but you can't wear gym leggings. That's what I mean. Leggings?

William Hanson 0:33:24 Like Lululemon leggings, you know, the sort of athleisure wear.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:33:27 Yeah, but a lot of women wear them now.

William Hanson 0:33:29 Yeah, but wear something else, like wear a skort or something.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:33:32 A what?

William Hanson 0:33:33 A skort.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:33:34 A skort?

William Hanson 0:33:35 It's a shirt— no, a skirt short.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:33:37 A skirt short? Oh.

William Hanson 0:33:39 Yeah, you don't just want leggings. Come on. Even men in leggings. Oh, women— I don't want gym wear. Well, I think that's fair to say. That's fair enough. Yeah.

Sadie 0:33:48 Yeah.

William Hanson 0:33:48 Don't really—

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:33:49 No gym wear.

William Hanson 0:33:50 No gymwear. We're not a gym.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:33:51 So, hang on a minute. So, we're now dictating to our lovely Bucketheads, who are kindly coming to celebrate the evening with us…

William Hanson 0:33:59 Yes. Don't wear gymwear. Jonathan, I don't think I'm saying anything bad.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:34:03 Okay. But it's okay for Silicon Shaun to come with a t-shirt saying, I am Silicon Shaun?

William Hanson 0:34:09 Well, as long as he's not in leggings.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:34:10 Right. Okay.

William Hanson 0:34:12 I prefer there to be something on the bottom, Shaun.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:34:19 Well, there you go.

William Hanson 0:34:20 Yeah. Oh, actually, talking of silicone, Shaun.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:34:22 What?

William Hanson 0:34:23 I don't know why we were keeping garden shoes on top of the boiler, but one of Micah's garden shoes has fallen down the back of the boiler, and it's rubber.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:34:31 Oh, well, yeah.

William Hanson 0:34:35 We're slightly worried. I don't know how hot the boiler is going to get and whether this rubber shoe is going to melt.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:34:42 Do you want me to call him?

William Hanson 0:34:45 Yeah, all right.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:34:46 Hang on. So, you're wanting to know—

William Hanson 0:34:49 Just, is it a problem?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:34:50 His— Your garden shoe. Your rubber garden shoe.

William Hanson 0:35:00 He's not screening your call as well, is he?

Silicone Shaun 0:35:02 Hello, mate, you alright?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:35:06 Oh, Sean, it's Jonathan. We're in the middle of recording the podcast, just so you're aware.

Silicone Shaun 0:35:12 Okay, no swear words. You alright?

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:35:14 No swear— I'm okay, yeah. Thank you. Hello, Sean. I'm here with William.

Silicone Shaun 0:35:18 Hello, mate.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:35:18 Now, the reason I'm phoning you, I've got a plumbing-related question, and we need a highly qualified professional.

Silicone Shaun 0:35:24 Go on then.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:35:26 Mikey's rubber garden shoe has fallen down the back of the boiler you installed, and they're worried it's gonna melt. Is it?

Silicone Shaun 0:35:34 Ah, them little green clogs they got on there.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:35:38 I remember seeing them.

Silicone Shaun 0:35:44 And I thought, I thought, you know what, when I saw it, I thought, that's going down the back of that ballerina. So how do you manage to get it down there?

William Hanson 0:35:54 I'm blaming the cleaner.

Silicone Shaun 0:35:56 So she needs to be more careful with the mop or whatever.

William Hanson 0:36:02 Yeah, she does.

Silicone Shaun 0:36:03 It's not gonna, it's not gonna melt, but, um, We're not getting it back, are we? It'd probably be cheaper to buy another pair of clogs, I'd say.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:36:17 So, is it acceptable to leave one clog at the back of his boiler forever? Well, I don't think he should put Toby on there. Right. Okay, so just leave it. Believe it.

Silicone Shaun 0:36:35 Yeah, just, just leave it. And then whoever changes that boiler can— I suppose if you put Toby on there, whoever changes the boilers can get a pair of clogs. I've never had that before.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:36:48 No, well, you wouldn't, you wouldn't— you'd never installed a boiler for anyone like William and Mikey before, had you?

Silicone Shaun 0:36:55 No, I haven't. No, no, it's a learning curve.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:37:00 Okay, all right. Thanks, Sean, for your expert advice.

William Hanson 0:37:03 Thank you, Sean.

Silicone Shaun 0:37:04 Cheers, lads. Bye-bye.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:37:07 So just leave it.

William Hanson 0:37:08 Right.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:37:08 It's a goner.

William Hanson 0:37:09 It's a goner.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:37:10 It's lost.

William Hanson 0:37:10 I've told Mikey if he goes outside, he's gonna have to hop.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:37:15 Well, that really will do for this week.

William Hanson 0:37:18 Yes.

Jonathan Vernon-Smith 0:37:18 We'll be back next Wednesday where we're going to talk about something scintillating, hopefully. Until then, goodbye!